Why YOU Could, And SHOULD Try This

kissI’ve become a bit of a direct sales junkie the past few years.  All told I have signed up to be a representative/consultant with 7 different ones.

Working for myself, from my house, is a dream.  I think at one time or another we have all shared this dream, haven’t we?  Making money while in our jammies, sipping coffee at our kitchen table while it snows and our feet are snug in our bunny slippers.  So, I tried a number of these avenues in the hope of getting out of the 9-5 office job and it’s politics (and trust me even in a tiny company you will have office politics) and working to make someone else rich.  I wanted flexibility and FREEDOM.

The trouble with most direct sales companies is that the start-up cost.  I understand that they are sending you product for displaying and sampling, business tools etc in your ‘kit’ and providing you a website to sell from.  For that reason they charge an arm or a leg (or both in some cases) to get started.  To some degree I think this cost also comes from the mind-set that if you invest your money in that kit you are move likely to work that business.

Now, be honest with me, if you have signed up and paid out $100-$500 for a kit, how many of those kits are still sitting on a shelf, behind the arm-chair in the corner of the living room, or are in the garage?  Me too.  OH I take out the product, use it and make a decision if it is a worthy product but then I don’t do a darn thing with it.

Okay honesty check here, I DID do something with 2 companies.  The one I joined for free, the Jewelry In Candles business (that one is no longer free), and the one I paid $10 to join, Avon.  And that $10 investment (it is now $15 to join) now makes me just enough to pay for my car each month.  That is changing fast as I’m out of a job and working hard to build it up, adding 3 new team members just yesterday in fact.

So what is it about Avon that made me stick around and actually work it?  For starters Avon has been in business for 128 years, so I have some faith in it.  I also LOVE the skin care products and use them daily.  I have a jewelry box full of Avon jewelry that I wear, and even shoes and some clothes.  Avon has a 100% satisfaction, money back guarantee and returns are pretty simple when a customer doesn’t like something, or I don’t.  We do not stock inventory, and in fact are discouraged from doing so.  We don’t order anything unless it is for personal use or someone’s order so there is no getting saddled with a bunch of stuff we won’t sell.  We are not required to order a minimum amount monthly to stay in business.  If you want to make money, you have to place an order.  If you don’t order for a period of time, you will go inactive.  So no commitment for some auto-ship stuff just to stay in business.

We also do not do parties, it is not a party plan business.  If a representative wants to do a party, there is a plan in place to use but it is not our business model.  Mom and I started girls night out style events so we can allow our customers some social time for an hour and the ability to play with the products as we get them ahead of time when new things are released.   But again, it is something we opt to do and is more about the social and fun than selling.  Kind of a customer appreciation time out from their busy lives.

Finding customers doesn’t require extra time away from life.  Avon is worked into daily life.  If I am at the store, while in line, I ask the women around me if anyone would like a brochure and I hand them out of the supply that is ever present in my purse.  If I go to the park with the grand kids I will do the same to the moms hanging out at the play ground.  If I am feeling up to some exercise then I don’t just walk, but I pull a grocery cart (those ones old ladies pull to the store when they walk) with brochures and I walk up and down hanging the books on folks doors.  I get my walk in, plenty of stair climbing, and my “store” is out there.  I am amazed at the number of customers I get when I do these simple things and often times recruits who also want to earn some money.

Earning money…how much?  Well with Avon the commission is 20-50%.  This is based on your sales.  If you sold $300, your commission is 35%, so you would earn $105 of that order.  $300 is not difficult to accomplish.  There are incentive trips, contests, even a car allowance when you reach a particular level (Avon doesn’t pick the car for you, or the color, or lease it, you get the money and you figure out if you are buying it, what you wish to purchase/lease and your color), free products, etc.  Our websites allow customers from all over the USA to purchase products from us and have them in a few short days, so our “store” is always open online.  That website, unlike many direct sales companies, is free for Avon representatives.  We pay for our business supplies, like brochures (very inexpensive), samples etc. and for shipping.  Our tools for running our businesses are super affordable, making this the least expensive direct sales business to operate.

So what held me back before?  My ‘WHY’ wasn’t big enough I suppose.  But now, as this is my only income, I’m kicking tail.  I achieved President’s Recognition Club, which means for the rest of this year and all of next year my earnings are at least 40%.  I’m not far from making Honor Society, which brings a host of other rewards with it.  I now have the freedom to put full time hours into this business and work it as just that, a business, rather than a hobby.  My earning potential scares me!

What about you?  What would you do with $300 more a month in your budget?  If you earned it and saved it you would have $1,200 to use for Christmas shopping over the next 4 months.  You could seriously earn a lot more than that if you opted to work it like a job.  There are Avon reps who I personally know, making 6 figure incomes.  I will be one of them, mark my words.

I’m always looking to grow my team, and if you are seriously looking for a way to stay home and make money, with a solid company who has been around a LONG time, maybe you should consider how spending just $15 could change your life.  I would love to have you on my team and will help you (Skype, Email, phone calls not to mention tons of online training that is FREE).  Just go to http://www.startavon.com and use the reference code:  martigardner  to sign up.  It is $15 even online, and no shipping cost.  Your kit, with brochures for 2 campaigns, 2 full size products (valued more than $15!), initial training books and samples, will arrive in about a week.  Meanwhile, once you are signed up we can get your online store set up and you could be making money now.

Why not you?  Why not today?

10653812_565235860255039_8051959920903757452_nNot up for a business but love the products? I would love to be YOUR Avon Lady!  And right now, you can get 20% off of your order of $50 or more with the code:  TRIPLEPLAY2  when you order on my site, http://www.marvelouswithmarti.com before midnight 9/21/14.

Okay back to your regularly scheduled blogs.




Confessions Of: A Happy, Imperfect, Diva

Two Fondant CakesContrary to what some think, my life really IS a bed of roses.

And roses have thorns so sometimes I roll over in this lush bed of life and get pricked in the butt cheek by one of those annoying, painful, pointy little things that could completely ruin the day.  Month. Year. Life, if I let it.  I opt not to allow that.  Hence that is the major difference between me and some folks.

Pain in the body means something is amiss.  Bad pain could indicate a very serious problem.  Pain in our lives is no different.  It may mean you need to change something, address an issue, or it may mean that the most recent card dealt you in the hand of life is bringing about major changes that will cause heartache.  Pain and change will either cause bitterness and ugly things to grow, or they can be builders of character, strength and renewal.

When I found myself single after 22 years of marriage (yes it was 22, not 23 as someone who had their g-string in a knot pointed out to me), I didn’t handle that very well.  I was upset, hurt, shattered…and at the same time sought the silver lining and embraced the good.  It did not mean I wasn’t hurting, it meant I had opted to find reasons to be happy.  Now, looking back over my shoulder, I see even more reasons to enjoy my single status and where I am residing.

I live with 4 other women (soon to be 3 as one is moving out next month).  Have you ever lived with a bunch of women?  If you are female you will totally understand why this all can be the best time ever!

Need a razor to shave your legs?  Hair scrunchie?  Ran out of moisturizer or face scrub?  Just don’t have that right shade of eye shadow, lipstick or nail polish?  Well when 5 women live under one roof, someone has your back!

Having a work issue you need to vent about?  Who better than your main girls to pour it out too?  Men want to fix it, that is how they are wired.  Trouble is when a woman needs to vent she isn’t looking for a fix, she just wants someone to say, “no sh*t” and “I know, right?!”

Get up with a slight hang over from a night of over indulgence while singing karaoke on the deck til 2am?  Your guy will likely tell you all the reasons that was stupid, and heck probably tried to pick a fight with you while you were tanked because that is always the best time to tell someone how dumb they are behaving is when they are not thinking clearly (my ex loved to do that).  Your girls are too busy laughing and singing with you, and the next morning are full of sympathy and have a purse full of  helpful remedies to make that headache vanish.  They even help you clean yourself up and put you to bed to sleep off the aftermath.

Life in the Diva Den as we call our home, rocks.  By the way, contrary to what someone says, I did not proclaim myself a Diva.  A former “enemy” turned friend (it’s amazing how real, confident, beautiful women can mend a fence), had proclaimed me the Airbrushed Diva.  It wasn’t meant to be nice, as at the time I was butt deep in the swinger lifestyle and had a few photo shoots done that were then airbrushed to perfection of ridiculous proportions.  The funniest thing is that men would tell me I looked dead on my photos!  Poor dudes really were off their rails.  Anyway rather than allow it to make me mad, I embraced it.  My sister, nieces and mom even embraced it and we dubbed the home the Diva Den and our first night in our new house, we celebrated with wine, called Divas Uncorked!!!  

In the sense that a Diva is a strong willed, sometimes bitchy woman?  Yep guilty as charged!  I’m also amazing, wonderful, marvelous, fun, funny, adorable and a host of other diva-like qualities.  Humble too.  *big cheesy grin*  All are things I am told by others and I embrace them.  Heck the ex’s wife wrote a book that was fiction but had a lot of truth in it, and called me Zelda.  It was meant to be a slam, as was how I was described throughout it’s pages (no accident, I am sure, that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s mentally unstable wife was named Zelda – that was not lost on me!), but I opted to embrace the name.  Heck yes I was acting crazy at that time in life, everything I held dear was taken from me and my heart and soul were raw with pain.  Zelda in Yiddish means “luck”.  I am one lucky (blessed) woman.  Looking back, those crazy times were a shedding of who I was based on what some man told me I should be,  and allowing me to unwrap, uncover and rediscover ME!  And I am pretty awesome.  I was lucky to have the opportunity to start over with people surrounding me who love me just as I am and don’t want to change me.  I not only don’t hold it against her, I want my own darn, autographed by the author copy!  It actually helped me take a step back and see that I needed to reign myself in some.  She is an awesome lady and I really LIKE her!  How many women do you know that can say that of their ex’s new spouse?

farting catSo what does this Diva look like now that she is FREE to be herself?

She loves cats!  She OWNS a cat and no man will ever tell her she cannot again.

She has a Yorkie and she will have another dog if she wants too, NO man gets to tell her otherwise.

She makes mistakes now and then and rather than be beat down over it and told it was “stupid” she is rallied around and helped to her feet to stand up, brush off and try again.

Sometimes, while doing her make-up, sitting all demurely at her vanity, she lifts her butt cheek and FARTS loudly with absolutely NO regrets.

She struggles with and works hard to get out of debt, and build a direct sales business that will one day give her the financial freedom to do things she wants to do.  Oh and no one will tell her what she can spend her money on because it will be all hers!!

She has a great full time job working for someone who appreciates that she is PASSIONATE (not unstable or crazy) about what she believes and pours her heart into.

She sleeps in whenever she feels like it on the weekends and no one asks her if she is going to ever get her a** out of bed!

Books? No one to whine about how many she owns!  Granted they are on a Kindle Fire now but still my money, my books, my expense.

Church? She attends and her walk with Christ is coming along.  She isn’t perfect but He is and through His blood her Father In Heaven sees a perfect child.  He shapes her and molds her and she tries hard not to fight too hard against the hands of that perfect Potter trying to mold her into what she should be.

She is happy as a single.  She tried the whole relationship thing for a year last year and she opted to walk away from it.  She loved again, but would rather be single and answer only to herself.  Been there, done that, on to her next great adventure.  She doesn’t need another half, or someone to complete her.  She is a complete person.

As to those who have opted out of my life, that is THEIR loss.  The person they walked away from is not that woman anymore.  She is far better and changed, she is REAL and really herself, not the version someone else tried to turn her into.  You might even find that she is indeed a great addition to your life!

This is MY life, and I am indeed living a life that is a bed of roses.  This doesn’t work for everyone, but then they or you aren’t me.  But for me this is absolutely M-A-R-V-E-L-O-U-S!!!

Day 10 ~ 30 Days Of Thankfulness 2012

Today I am thankful for my grandchildren.  I have a spunky, red-headed granddaughter that I absolutely adore!  And sometime next month my grandson will arrive.

This has been an awesome time for me, adjusting to this grandparent chapter.  I became a grandma in March when my son married his beautiful (inside and out) wife and became daddy to her daughter.  We gained 2 very special ladies into the family that day and the time I get to spend with them is precious to me.  My granddaughter has the most contagious laugh and she is full of energy.  Today I spent time with her while her mom spent a day with the women from her family.

She has already taught me a few important things, like how to spoil an 8yo,  and that I need to get some games around here for her and I to play!

This little angel has wrapped the women in the Diva Den around her finger, and I am SO thankful for her in my life!

I received this in a text from my  son one evening a few weeks ago, and it absolutely made my day:

Friday Confessional

Ah yes, once again time to go behind the curtain, into the confessional and reveal the things others may not know, or perhaps after I bare it all they’ll wish they did not!

Okay let’s get this rolling!

I  confess… 
I’m now hooked on yet another show.  Nashville got my attention and I’m watching it too.  Oh and American Horror Story, but not sure how long I’ll stick to that one, it is pushing the boundry lines for me as far as creepy goes.  But once I’m finished with bible study in the evenings, and it is too dark and cold to be outside now, I like to watch something while working on blankets.  My list of entertainment is growing for those nights when I want to stay in!

I confess… 
I might go back to school.  I love learning new things and as I have time it would be beneficial to add to what I can do!

I confess… 
I added a stat counter to my blog.  It isn’t visible to the public, but tracks a lot of great information on those who visit my blog.  I love it.

I  confess… 
I have been working on a few posts of late just not sure I will publish them.  Might have to make those password protected so my select audience can see them.


Your journey can only be as great as the chances you are willing to take. ~ The Single Woman

I confess… 
That quote really rings true for me.  My journey is about to grow, as there are many chances I am getting ready to take.  🙂  More on that at another time.


NOTE:  revision made, a section removed, per IP addresses in reports I believe the intended audience viewed it so no longer needed in this post. 

WHY I Am An Avon Lady

It seems like SO long ago I was going to work every day in an office. For 26 years I worked for a company, spending a good deal of time at a desk, in front of the computer, working in that office away from my family. I missed a lot of important times in my children’s growing up years because I HAD to work, we needed the income.

After the economy went belly up, so did that job I had worked at for so long. I took a job managing an office for a painting company, but when late Autumn hit the job was done. Then I went to work for a heating and air company, but they went the way of the economy.

In an effort to generate some income I made the decision to start in-home childcare. Within a week I was watching 3 kids, all siblings. I picked up a part timer after school and an infant after the holidays that year. Not too bad, but that left me feeling like the walls were closing in on me. I was home, all day, sun up to sun down. I loved watching them, make no mistake about it, but it didn’t get me out of the house. My conversations were about characters in the popular children’s television shows. I needed to do something that would get me out of the house when possible.

I had always loved Avon products so I decided to look into being a representative. Imagine my shock when I found out it was only $10 to start my own beauty business. I met with Renee, my ‘upline’ person, learned a lot in an hour, and I was off! No inventory, no big expense, just $10 out of my pocket and I had my kit, I was an Avon lady. And I was excited!

Immediately my mom and sister decided this was an opportunity for them as well, and they signed up! I was already building a downline and I quickly found a few customers. This was pretty easy, so I stuck to it.

One of the first benefits was the monthly district sales meetings. I was connecting with other women, having intelligent conversations and learning about running my own business in a very fun atmosphere. This group of women made me feel like one of the team, applauding accomplishments, sharing ideas, it did a lot for my need to have something outside of the house, a hobby of sorts.

It was early on that I saw the potential for real income with Avon. While some women do it just for the hobby or outside interest, I saw the opportunity to make this a career. I started looking at the top sellers, and the ‘rich and famous’ of Avon. The Lisa Wilber and Barb Avery types. I read their web pages and blogs, watched them in videos, listened to them in interviews and thought to myself, “if they can do this, so can I!”. These were not people that went to Harvard for business degrees, these were average gals with a dream and some desire to achieve those dreams for themselves. And OH have they achieved the dreams.

I knew what I wanted, I wanted to work for ME. To sleep in some days if I wanted too. To be my own boss and not have to answer to anyone else if I wanted a sick day because I was sick of doing anything at all. And I wanted financial independence, freedom to buy what I want when I want it.

Not being one to reinvent the wheel, I started to study the things the top achievers like Lisa and Barb were doing. I kept going back and listening to their interviews, reading things they suggested, and I began to apply those things. And with that, I began to see some success.

I also started to gain something I’ve struggled with…self confidence. Every sale, every recruit, every mile stone I’ve achieved has fueled my self confidence. I look at myself in the mirror and I KNOW I can do this, and that one day I will be up there in the top ranks, and my name will be a household name among the other Avon representatives. That people will want to know how I achieved my goals. I KNOW without a doubt that I can have my dreams, my ‘whys’ for even starting this. I know this because I’ve seen others that have done it, and I’ve seen the beginnings of the mile stones starting to be achieved for myself.

Once school got out this year, I stopped watching children and launched into Avon full time. The first thing I realized is I don’t have to work 40 hours at this every week. I can do this 25 hours a week IF I really work it for those time periods. And I realized that this can be a part of everything I do each day. If I am out window shopping, I am prospecting other women! If I am at the library, I will talk to anyone about this opportunity. If I pass women at the coffee shop, I give them each a brochure and get their contact information so I can touch base to get their orders. Every where I go there is opportunity! And I can do it all day, every day, any chance I have while going about my LIFE. Yes, I have a LIFE and I’m LIVING that life while achieving my dreams and whys.

The best part is I get to help other women (and a few good men!) do the same thing! Spend more time with family, really LIVE life while making the money, achieving their dreams and goals, or just enjoying a hobby. Whatever it is they want to get out of this opportunity, I am helping them and making life long friends a long the way.

Avon is the #1 direct selling company in the world. I am proud to be a part of that. I’d be honored to have YOU as a part of my team!

Simply go to: Start Avon and use the code: martigardner when you sign up online. You will need a credit card for that $10 investment. Your starter kit will arrive in 3-7 days. And you will become a part of something special…an opportunity to work with some of the best people around, make new friends, achieve your goals and dreams, and work for YOU! I will help you, train you, support you and cheer you on! Why NOT you? And why NOT today?

#31 ~ 365 Reasons Being Single Rocks

Mood Swings


Mood swings…they suck

You never see it coming, then suddenly “BAAM” you get your head bit off.

Or your significant other is in the kitchen banging stuff around pissed off (do people do that when when are happy? NO!).

You ask, “What’s wrong?”

Them:  “NOTHING”

Yeah whatever dorfwad.

Being single means only dealing with your own moodiness.

(and believe me MEN do have mood swings!)

Dear Future Husband ~ Things You Should Know

Dear Future Mr. Marvi Marti,

I thought it would be nice to get a few things out there on the table in advance of the big day when we will finally pledge our undying love to each other.  This way it is in writing and you cannot  later say you were unaware.  Take notes darling.

  • I have 3 tattoos, and there will be more.  This is not negotiable.  I like my ink and I like my future ink.  Flowers and candy are all very sweet, but flowers will wilt and die and candy makes my ass fat.  Ink on the other hand will last forever.  If you want to surprise me with something special, think ink.
  • I have a nose ring.  Just a little diamond.  No, I will not take it out.   Yes you will come to find it cute.  If  by chance you do not,  well  tough tiddly winks babe.  No I won’t be piercing anything else.  I did that at one time.  The twins don’t want rings and south of the border….well okay maybe that one again someday.  It’s my border, I’ll pierce it if  I so chose.  You feel free to pierce your junk too if that is what you chose.
  • Sometimes I put pink dye in my bangs.  Just a streak or two.  Just learn to deal with it.  It washes out the next morning.  Sometimes I just feel like having it there.  No, I am not too old to do that.
  • I have a job, two of them actually.  One is daycare, I watch kids.  Yes it IS good money and I enjoy it very much.  I’m not looking to be wealthy off of it, it pays my bills and enables me to be home to do laundry, dishes, cook, and clean.  It also enables me to have time to write.  I also sell Avon.  Make-up.  Vanity Crack.  I love this job too.  I do plan to make a ton of money doing it.  I watch the stories in the training materials, I know that there are women making 6 figures dealing eyeshadow and mascara.  I plan to be one of them.  It takes hard work and a lot of time.  I have nothing better to do while I am looking for you.   I won’t be giving up the Avon, accept it.
  • I blog..sometimes a lot.  I have several.  I love to write.  I will not stop blogging, so deal with it.  Think of it as my therapist, it is keeping the body count down and it doesn’t cost you anything.  Yes I am very open in my blog and from a security perspective that might be a risk.  Tough.  I have  my doubts that the Boogie Man is looking for me, or a stalker.  And that is why there is  something called concealed carry permit.  Enough said.
  • My faith is important to me. I will attend church and be involved.  Sometimes I don’t get up on Sunday and go, most of the time I do.  It is my choice. You will accept this.

Those are a few of the non-negotiable things you will want to be aware of before the big day. Well perhaps a compromise can be reached as to a few, like no pink hair when we visit your family.  But only a compromise.

Until next time, my love!


Learning To LIVE Again

Recently I came across Andy Rooney’s I’ve Learned – The Art Of Happiness.  2 things really stood out to me (okay the whole thing stands out to me but due to a personal, internal struggle, 2 of them really jumped out at me).

“I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.”


“I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.”

I’ve really been struggling lately regarding relationships and exactly what it is that I want in one.  Friends with benefits works well in theory but there is no way that two people can spend time together as friends without some type of bond forming.  We have control over our emotions to some degree, but I don’t believe that we can make ourselves love or not love someone else.  Therefore we must chose wisely who we spend time with, flirt with, and share with knowing that the possibility is always there.  How committed we are and how much we love someone has little bearing on what can happen with another that we get too close too.  We can chose to walk away when we sense that feelings are developing but we cannot control the chemistry that happens between two people.  Add sexual intimacy to the mix and I do not believe it will remain void of emotion.

I was never one to flirt around outside of my marriage beyond a surface level.  I knew all too well that chemistry happens and when the right mix occurs between any man and woman, sparks can fly.  I only flirted within safe boundaries, with those I didn’t feel a real attraction towards, that way I could keep it fun.  Of course that too is playing with fire in that I had no way of knowing how the object of my attention might react.  Attraction is often one sided.  I also know that men rarely think with their hearts or their larger heads, so a little flirting can get a girl in a heap of trouble.  Guys are weak, and thrive on female attention.  Any female with half a brain picks up on this early in life and plays the flirt card to her advantage.  It may get  your tire changed on the road side, or free drinks all night at a bar.  It is also a power game when you can persuade an otherwise faithful man to your bed for the night even though he may have a beautiful, adoring wife at home (trust me 26yrs ago I played this game).  Men are just pigs enough that they never seem to catch on that they are being used by the flirty little tart as part of a game to make herself feel powerful.  She might even play that game a long time before setting her prey free to face the consequences of his actions.  For some such women it isn’t a win until he has left his wife and all that was important behind, only to be dumped soon after.  Men are pigs, women are vicious she devils.  Make no mistake about it.

Not all men are complete pigs and certainly not all women are demonic creatures, but we do carry those less desirable traits to our over all characters.  For me, finding the man that was a more ‘cultured swine‘ was the goal in life.  And for a long time I certainly believed I had found it.  But even he fell victim too easily to the games of the more wicked of women now and then.

After such a long time and so much of me invested in my marriage, when the end came I encased my heart and determined I was NOT going to love anyone again.  Friends with benefits was the answer to preventing pain from ever touching me.  I honestly didn’t believe I could mentally stand that kind of hurt another time without landing in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

Enter Pixel Kitten.  My sister’s birthday gift to me, an adorable, 5 week old, orphaned kitten that NEEDED someone to love her.  I carried her around that first weekend from Friday afternoon until I had to leave for work on Monday morning, caring for her every need and doing something I didn’t even realize was happening….FEELING.  My wounded, well protected heart was wrapping around this helpless little kitten that clung to me like I was her mama.  She slept against my chest or my face, wasn’t happy unless she was being held, and began to breathe life back into my heart.  In the first few weeks she gently helped my heart off of life support and out of ICU.  I thought it was because time had passed since I found out my marriage was over, that I finally was HEALING.  And then when I read the quote, “I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.” I realized that in fact it was love the healed my heart.  I poured all that pain into loving that little bundle and without even realizing it I was feeling again, thanks to my 4-legged heart band-aid. By allowing my heart to feel love again, it healed.

Even in my favorite movie, Always, the truth was right in front of me.  It wasn’t until Dorinda allowed her heart to FEEL love again that she began to heal from the loss of Pete.  The pain I carried wasn’t going to go away until I filled that void with love, first for Pixel, and now who knows, but loving is the healing balm on the wounds of my heart, no doubt about it.

All this time I had thought I would do better to NOT feel love again, that I’d heal from my wounds and move past the pain by shutting out any and all emotional involvement with anyone.  And in my friends with benefits style relationships, it almost works.  Except that in order to NOT feel for these so called friends, the only communication that could pass between us would be arranging for the hook up and the sex itself.  No pillow talk, no sharing, just the sex and be gone.  How cold.  I’m not that type, I’m not inflatable.  No that is not at all what I want, but in order to be truly friends with anyone there is sharing which leads to caring, which leaves the heart vulnerable.  So the question is how far can I safely let down my protective walls around my heart?  “I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.” And this IS true, deep inside of every human is the basic need to be loved and with that love appreciated.   But it means allowing someone to get inside the barriers we build when we’ve been hurt.  Sometimes it is circumstances, life, fate, or people, but the pain inflicted is real and the protective walls mean to shield from future suffering.  But without love we do not heal those wounds, they simply fester beneath the surface making us unable to trust or exist beyond our self imposed exile.  We move about as an island in the world not allowing anyone close to us.  This is NOT living, this is existing.

I know that I do not want to merely exist in this life, moving through it watching others but never letting anyone get close to me.  Trusting someone to hold my heart means yes, I will hurt again, yes I will cry again, but it means I WILL be able to love again.  And love will heal the past hurts.  Not everyone I share my heart with is going to purposely hurt me, some will be unintentional.  The one I chose to give it wholly to in the future will hurt me at times, it goes with being in a relationship.  But that same person, can love the pain away and heal whatever harm is done.  It will mean being willing to be vulnerable, and take a chance on LIVING again, not just going through the motions.  Taking down the wall a brick at a time, and taking baby steps forward.

I want to walk the sandy beaches of life in a relationship again, allowing the waters of love to wash over me, feel the sun, breezes, and sometimes the necessary storms of emotions that come with opening up my heart again.  I want to LIVE life.

Saturday Seance At The Princess Palace

Yesterday was supposed to be a very busy day but even the best  intentions fall victim to mother nature at times.   My sister and  I were signed up to participate  in Paint The Town yesterday.  We got up early (5:30am), put on old jeans and gym shoes, grabbed a couple of  baseball style  hats and headed to Norwood Plaza.  It was raining but not  too hard so we had high  hopes of it stopping.  When we got there  we were so happy to see that  so many people were already there,  apparently rain doesn’t dampen the heart of  volunteers at that these  events.  Despite the  fact that everyone was  getting thoroughly soaked everyone was upbeat and enjoying eating breakfast in the drizzle.  We got our t-shirts and water bottles before grabbing our  breakfast and mingling with others.

2 of the Paint The Town 59 houses

Sadly the rain not only continued but it turned into a serious down pour and after checking radar the event was canceled and moved to July 10th.  Knowing that many of the over 1000 volunteers  won’t be able to come back that date,  and there  are 59 houses  to be painted in less than 8  hours, there is a need for more people willing to give up their day to make a neighborhood look nice.  These are neighborhoods in serious  need of some TLC so if you have time and don’t mind working with some nice people, being fed breakfast and lunch, come join us.  I’ll be posting more information as it is available.  Our team is painting one  of 2 houses, side by side.  We were given a drive by view to see our projects before being sent home looking forward to this upcoming project.

Plan B became grocery shopping for the Diva Den.  I went with mom to knock out that trip.  With our grocery list in hand and a request that I make black bean chili for dinner,  we headed out to load up on food for the coming two weeks.  Two stores and a couple of Foursquare updates later, we went to the Burger King drive through to grab lunch and headed home.   It was sunny and HUMID all of the  late  afternoon,  it was just flat out  uncomfortable  outside, I am SO thankful  for central air conditioning!

I made the chili and set  some aside  for dad and then mom and I ran that to him and picked up a  few  things he needed from the store.  Two trips to Kroger in one afternoon,  we should have our own parking spot and check out lane  as often as we are there.  Dad is not able  to drive anymore so he has to rely on us and friends to either run him to complete his errands or run them for him.  Next time we need to think ahead and call him when we make OUR trip to the stores.   We opted to skip the Reds game last night  as it was so hot and humid that just sitting in the shade we started to sweat and the threat  of rain was very likely.   Jeannette and I had  already had our share of getting soaked  to the gills.

Saturday, as mentioned in other blogs, is  wine night in  our home.   We wait until all  of us  are home for the evening then try a new wine,  or two.  My sister had picked up 2 new  ones at the store  on Friday and mom and I had  gotten cheese and crackers on our grocery trip.  We were sitting outside on the deck  waiting on Sarah  to return when the ‘severe’ thunderstorm warning was issued for our area.  The  lightening show was impressive out to the west and just before Sarah pulled in the storm hit.  Judging from the debris in the yard and on the deck,  and the 2 shutters and damaged siding on the neighbor’s house  it must  have  been more intense than we realized.

Anticipating a power outage we had a bunch of candles lit on the dinning room table and opened the blinds and turned off most of the lights.  It was a relaxed atmosphere but we figured the neighbors  likely think we were over here having a midnight seance.    The  power did not go out but we  left it this way just because.  At one point we were all being goofy and started singing songs,  or pieces of them.  Jeanne ran and got her laptop,  and then so did Jeannette.  Before long we had the actual songs playing and were looking for more good ones to sing along too,  it was Princess karaoke.   I have no idea what  time Sarah  slipped away to go to bed,  but I went up at 2:30  this morning, and my mom and sister were still up singing at 3:00am.  I slept  in until 11:30 and the only reason I even crawled out of  bed  was fear  that Pixel  would  need the litter box.  Next week the Divas have decided  to try some of the various imported and micro brewery beers that the  store has in stock, so that should be interesting.  Now every other week Saturday is  Divas uncorked, the others will be Pop The Top nights. All female friends and family are welcome to attend our Saturday night ‘seance’ gatherings, we can even bed you down for the night if you have too much.  Just let us know you are coming so we plan for it!

OH and before I forget, these are the two wines we enjoyed this week:

Our Saturday Seance wine selections