The Wisdom To Know The Difference

4fa9c207124314ea58629d35d3d7dc9aThe Serenity Prayer, commonly used by AA, and other programs, is one of my favorites.  It is also one I need to seriously learn to take to heart a bit more than I already do.  When it comes to accepting things I cannot change, well that is a tough one for me.  I have the need to fix things and make them right.  This can be both a wonderful gift and a huge curse.  Most of the time, it is a tremendous blessing.  Grudges for example, I don’t hold onto wrongs or even perceived wrongs for very long.  Forgiveness tends to come far too easily to me, but it keeps my heart from becoming bitter.

In keeping with the “courage to change the things I can”, one of the passages of the bible that always haunts me is Romans 12:1-18.  More than once I’ve posted then deleted something either on Facebook, Twitter or my blog, that was less than kind.  Especially in the months and even year or two after my divorce, I was deep in the crazy phase after that, emotionally and mentally shattered and raw. (by the way, if you are going through, have gone through, or know someone doing the divorce dance, this book, Crazy Time is a must read!)  I know that once words are out there, you really cannot take them back.  But I do try to make things right when possible.  It is a part of me that I’ve had to work very hard to change and I’ve made impressive strides.  However, I do have a long way to go, I know.  I won’t give up trying though, I know I need to pray and keep trying to right my wrongs.

When life is going well, and I am able to see so many blessings weaving my happiness, it is then that I feel I really should try to make amends for the wrongs I may have committed.  So, here in life things are amazing, and I’m happy. In turn, I decided to reach out and try to make amends.  A former friend popped up in my Facebook “you might know”, likely due to us having like 50+ mutual friends.  At first I joked that Facebook needs a serious reality check, as that person would rather give up their slut shoe collection than ever accept a friend request from me.  Funny thing, it has been so long now that I cannot even remember exactly what the issues were that caused the rift.  So, on a whim I went ahead and sent the request.  After all, she claims to be a Christian, posts stuff on her page about forgiving folks etc., so I figured maybe she really IS a changed person.  Maybe she really is a Christian.  This is about that time the “wisdom to know the difference” should have kicked in.  I got back a response about how I had posted something she assumed was about her a few weeks back, blah blah blah and essentially no, why would I want to be her friend.  Hmmm…so I did mention that whole thing about profession of faith, posts about forgiveness, but I guess that is selective??  I have offered in the past to sit down, face to face and put it all on the table, whatever it all is, but that was shot down.  This time, I’m blocked.  Too funny.  Maybe she missed that verse, Romans 12:18?  Or that whole section (12:1-18) in her bible studies?  Oh well it is off my head, I did in fact try, this isn’t the first time.  And all I can do is continue to pray for her.

It is funny to me that 2 days later she is on her page begging for attention with the baiting phrases of, “Seriously contemplating breaking one of my own golden rules“, “Just a nagging pain in my @$$ from the other night. I’m allowing someone to irritate me, and thinking about “airing my dirty laundry“, and “This is a resurfacer!!! Sadly, those who are on that “list” have a way of rearing their UGLY heads….I’m washing that dirt out of my thoughts!!!”  So much for that, she came back after her treadmill time with, “As for that individual, she is unhappy! For all of the blogs she posts, about how “marvi” her life is, truth is, she is not living the life she hoped to have. Thank you (name removed) for your valid insight. I’m very happy that woman is “praying” for me. All goes to show, therefore but, by the grace of God go I. I’m bless’d to have such loving friends, and apparently, foes as well. Life is very good!

I will give her that the life I am living is not the one I had hoped for, and thank God because this one?  It’s far better!  I’m not only NOT unhappy, I’m ecstatic!  As she never talks to me I’m not sure how she could think I’m anything BUT happy.  I’m a very open book, to a fault.  I post my life openly on many social media outlets and my blog, with nothing at all to hide.  When I’m not happy, I post that.  When angry, upset and/or bitter, I post(ed) that too.  Why would I not post, therefore, when I am happy?  I have a wonderful man, a great job, live in a really sweet house, I am loved by far more than not, I have 2 adorable grandchildren and just found out that I’m gaining a super guy as a son-in-law.

Having the chance to step back and evaluate me, my life, dreams, goals, desires, blessings and curses, I uncovered a lot about myself that was not pretty over the past 3 years up until this past May when I turned 50.  It wasn’t easy to face the woman in the mirror at times.  Don’t get me wrong, I sought the silver lining, the glass half full, and despite being in a great deal of emotional and mental anguish after my marriage ended, I clung to what was good in my life.  I knew that focusing on the good, positive and happy things would cultivate those very things all the more.  And it did.  I went through a purging of sorts, tossing out the things about me that needed to go, and filling up the closet of me with things that needed to be there.  And when I was ready, God brought a very special person into my life and flipped my world on end.  I’m back to getting butterflies in my stomach when I head home, knowing he is there waiting for me.  Exchanging texts throughout my day with someone who always sends me a good morning one before I head out to work (he is up and gone before me).  My life is full of laughter and  joy that I never imagined I’d know, joy such as exceeds anything I knew before or ever dreamed of having.  Again, she is correct, this is not the life I had hoped for, it is way better than what I had hoped for!

Now, mind you, I am not the “independent family specialist” she claims to be, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell you what I think.  I think it is she who is unhappy.  She cannot imagine going through what I did and coming out the other side a very happy person.  She is aging, and that scares her because she knows those younger, hotter women at the swinger club are going to be a bigger draw to the single men than she.  She’s always threatened by anyone who seems to have a happier life than her, is prettier, has a kinder heart than hers.  Sooner or later everyone who calls her a friend manages to get on her bad side and make her ‘list’.  She craves the attention so much so that she’d even make a post like the “contemplating breaking one of my own golden rules”, or as we’ve seen in the past, something eluding to someone having hurt her blah blah, until everyone says “Oh honey what’s wrong”.  Then of course, she ‘hates for friends to have to read this but….’, not understanding if she truly hated for anyone to read it, she’d never post it in the first place.

And yet, for some unknown reason, I still love the woman I called a friend.  But that is me, I always have had a huge soft spot for idiots, fools, the lost, the hurting and the underdogs/misfits.   I’d still welcome sitting down and putting all the cards on the table (well she’d have the cards as I have nothing against her), but she honestly isn’t a big enough person to do that.  So, instead I will just go on praying for her, and hoping one day she knows true happiness, from the top of her self proclaimed royal head to the tips of her painted toes.  Meanwhile, perhaps it is time to ‘know the difference’ between a situation that can be mended, and one that is hopelessly lost.

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Boogers And Clouds In My Coffee

Actually the clouds are NOT in the coffee, they are in my brain.  Last night I sat up watching season 4 of Sons Of Anarchy with my sister.  We got to about episode 6 or 7 I believe, maybe further.  Clay killed Pinney in the last episode we watched before it was 2:30am and we gave in to our bodies  over riding the want for more SOA with a sincere desire for sleep.  It sure seemed like a good idea at the time, staying up way too late.  Now I’m sitting here with a heavy fog slowly lifting from my thought processes.  I need much more coffee.  I cannot wait until my little sister here is caught up so that we are only catching one episode at a time, on TV, in season 5.  Though I have to admit I became spoiled being able to watch an entire season at a time.  Tuesday nights at 10pm can now not arrive fast enough to suit me, and we’re only one episode into the new season.

This is the part of my life reality show where perhaps a script  might be a good idea, one that says “Marti  exits the scene and tucks her exhausted self into bed early, setting a good example for all of her readers”.  But then if you look to me for a good example of anything, you are seriously in the wrong place.  Unless of course you need an extra for a movie about the zombie apocalypse, in that case I currently look every bit the part and without the help of special effects artists or makeup.  I am the walking dead this morning.  Please don’t shoot me in the head unless you are firing extra caffeine.

This is so cute! I found it while hunting for booger images. Maybe I should buy one and name it after the stalker?

The Booger has finally stopped sticking to me (and my daughter) via our Pinterest boards.   “Booger” is the less than affectionate name I’ve assigned to our stalker.  We’ve all had it happen at some time in life, where we sneeze, covering our nose and mouth with our hands, only to have some nasty, sticky thing end up on our finger and with  no tissue handy try to shake it off but it won’t go.  Then we find some something to wipe it off and it still seems to be there, unrelentingly hanging on.  *Note to my readers:  you are welcome for the visual, no need to thank me!*  That is our stalker, but she finally got the picture and stopped following us.  I have a few more hanger-ons but as long as they keep their snotty (pun intended) comments to themselves and off of my boards and blog posts, I won’t sweat it.  If I had to guess, though, my money says she still looks at the boards, Facebook, Twitter etc, because she is obsessed with knowing what we are doing.   *waves hello to Booger* – Yep, you are still looking aren’t you?  Hopefully not but just in case, I didn’t want to be rude.  I always find it humorous when someone looks at your social media to  see if you are talking about them, then gets their panties in a wad, when if they just didn’t look in the  first place they’d never know.  People can talk bad about me all they like, as long as it is not on my own outlets.  What is that saying, “love me or hate me, either way you are thinking about me!”.  Yeah, I am really powerful like that, occupying folks thoughts, it’s how I roll. *insert wicked, evil laugh*

I really need to find a new allergy medication, the one  I have been using for years is no longer cutting it.  Suggestions welcome!

Happy National Chocolate Day!!!  Think I’ll grab a Hershey Special Dark and celebrate!

Having just returned to the laptop with the umpteenth cup of coffee of the morning, I have to say that is one of the positives of working for myself, from home.  Aside from the fact that I am sporting my zombie attire, is knowing that no one takes the last cup of coffee, leaving a swallow behind, then slinks off without starting a new pot.  Here in the Diva Den it is just assumed that more coffee is wanted and  someone makes a fresh pot.  At the very least when one of us takes the last cup we quickly take a poll to see if another one should be made or if everyone has reached their ideal level of adult ADD meds.  Seems coffee drinkers, I mean serious ones, not those one cup a day types, are believed to be adult sufferers of ADD.  Like the medications for kids, the stimulant of caffeine helps us focus.  Considering I can drink an entire pot (as can the others here) and then go to bed and sleep like the dead, I think there is some accuracy to this line of thought.

Oh look at the time, need to go get ready for a conference call.  Might have to freshen up my look and smear my mascara further down my cheek.

30 Days Of Thankfulness ~ Day 1, 2, and 3

I’m a bit slow getting started on this project, but I think taking time to count one’s blessings and give thanks for them is important.  Before the list is too long for one post it is time to get started!  This should mean at least a post a day from me again!  🙂

The idea is for 30 days, throughout the month of November, each day to reflect on one thing you are thankful for and share that!  I love the idea, years ago I did it on my other blog when I was married.  It sounded easy but it wasn’t.  Not because there isn’t plenty to be thankful for, but for the contemplation into my life, leading my thoughts down paths to remind me of where I have been, where I am now, and what may be in my future.  It can get pretty deep at times.  I encourage you to do this, it is a great exercise even if not posted publicly.

As seen on a church sign, by a  friend:

“If you woke up tomorrow with only what you had thanked God for last night, what would you have?”

DAY 1

I am thankful for my children.  Both have proven to be outstanding adults.  They make me so very proud.  Sometimes I lay awake at night praying for them, their safety, prosperity, hearts and their souls, and I find myself smiling in the dark as I think of them.  So many memories of their growing up years, so many fun times now that they are all grown up.  I am blessed to have such terrific kids!

DAY 2

Connected to day #1 is of course thankful for the almost 22 years I was married to my ex, who is more responsible than me for how they turned out.  During a good portion of their ‘formative’ years he was a stay h0me dad, and he was the champ of all Mr. Moms.  We had a clean house, great meals, and my kids were safe and sound with the only other person who could begin to love them as much as I do.  There were bad times, certainly, and I am 50% to blame for the failing of said marriage, but that man loves those kids and without him influencing them and guiding them there is no telling how they would have turned out.  And despite the 10% bad times (his words), I have extremely wonderful memories of the 90% that was good to great.

Day 3

I am very thankful for new beginnings.  Everything that ends in our life opens up space and opportunity for something new to begin.  It is never easy when something or someone we love and enjoy comes to an end, but often it simply paved the way for something better.  So, one new beginning I am thankful for this year, my current jobs.

When I left corporate America due to down sizing, I never imagined myself doing anything outside of administrative work.  My next two positions were office manger for companies, and one part time office manager spot with a 3rd.  The first was a seasonal job with a paint company, and when the late Autumn hit that job ended.  Within a day, thanks to spreading the word through social networking, I had another job as office manager for a heating and air company.  Unfortunately the economy wasn’t kind to them, a start up company, and I found myself jobless again.  While spreading the word again, my boss from the company I had worked for all those 26 years, suggested I consider something outside of administrative as those jobs were so few and far between.  I thought about it, and I knew he was right, I needed to look into something else.  The part time job was sporadic and so I put my thinking cap on and brain stormed with my mom about other skills I possessed.  That was how I ended up doing daycare at home.

Daycare is one tough job.  Sure, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but seriously nothing really can prepare you for those days when everyone is whiny, has a dirty diaper on, a runny nose, is hungry.  I thought I’d have  time to blog, read etc.  Little did I know what the days would be like!  That is another blog but I’m so busy I rarely get time to do more than post via my cell phone some days.  I do enjoy this job though, one of the best I have had.

Avon has allowed me to tap into my marketing skills and it is flat out FUN!  It isn’t easy but at the same time it isn’t stressful like managing offices could be.  Customer service is a strength too, and when it comes to business I am organized and can get the job done.  I love Avon most of all the jobs I’ve had and now that my business is growing it is getting to be more enjoyable and exciting.

So on an employment front, I’m very thankful for the opportunities of the past that put me where I am today and thankful I am enjoying a whole new way of earning a living!