Wine & Cheese ~ 77th Serving

wine n cheeseWelcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 77th serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

WINE

969297_10152082094141031_408189009_n😦  I can feel the approaching winter weather for this weekend.  My hands, neck, and back are in a lot of pain from my arthritis.  This makes me not care for snow and cold one bit.  I think snow is just beautiful, but being outside in it at all hurts when I’m cold.  Fronts and approaching storms are agony.  This is entirely too much snow. I hope they are completely WRONG.

😦  My mom started chemo today.  Leave it to someone in my family to get something as off the wall as Appendiceal cancer, pretty much everything about us is just a tad off.  Cancer of the appendix is very rare, and the type my mom has is so rare no one really has a definitive answer on treatment.  I believe it is now 3 times it has come back.  She beat breast cancer but this bugger is damn stubborn.  Doesn’t help that they really have no certain way to treat it.  I hate she is going through chemo now, as other options didn’t do the trick.

1459997_258242057663057_217095040_n😦  I love this dog, I really do.  I love taking her for a walk at night, and she must enjoy it because the minute dinner is finished she is bugging me until we leash-up and go out of the door.   The whine here?  She will piddle in any yard which is fine, a little puppy pee-mail is okay.  But when it comes to poo, she will opt for the middle of the street.  This is a bit embarrassing, walking along and suddenly there is a dead weight on the leash and she is leaving a calling card.  I always pick it up and it is a lot easier on the street than in the grass, but wow, really?

😦  OMG The Walking Dead is killing me!  Why Herschel?????

CHEESE

🙂  My baby girl got engaged!!!  Her future husband is a really wonderful man and I’m ecstatic.  I always worry about her, she has such an amazing, kind and gentle heart, and my fear is she could be taken advantage of one day.  But she has good sense, and he did come and talk to me, then her brother and her daddy about it.  I appreciated that he did this before he asked, though it was not necessary, just confirmed what I know of his character.  Her ring is gorgeous, he had it made just for her.

🙂  My job just completely doubled in responsibility.  I’m so busy I’m surprised I get time to use the bathroom.  But I love the challenge and I’ve never minded working hard.  Have to admit, the days are flying by thanks to not having any lag time.

🙂  Despite my dog’s odd potty habits, I am loving our walking time.  It is good, quiet, thinking time and allows me to unwind from the work day.  She is starting to look like the weight is coming off of her and I know it’s coming off me so that makes me happy!  A lot of folks in our little neighborhood have lights up too, which makes it rather festive to be out there.

DESSERT

My baby girl sent me a link to a Youtube video this morning shortly after the work day was under way.  I always take time to see what is up if I get a text from my kids, mom or honey so I clicked on it.  My daughter is a beautiful blond like Carrie Underwood (even to me looks a bit like her – you can see her on My Supporting Cast page), and with her upcoming marriage, the resemblance and the way I very much love my baby, this song made me cry.  She is such a sweetie!

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Friday Confessional ~ On Saturday

WOW what a week, it flew by!

And here it is, confessional time already.

Grab a seat and some coffee, time to confess.

I confess…

I have a serious addiction to ‘Scandal’.  And…

Sons of Anarchy

Nashville

Blue Bloods

The Walking Dead

Those are the shows I HAVE to see each week, it is sad but true.

I confess…

I have to practically block calendar time to play Candy Crush Saga or it would dominate my life.  I know, that too is sad.  But I love the game! We even had an expert in for a class in managing priorities that said it is a great game to use as a break to re-stimulate the brain.  My problem is that it is like crack for me, once I start it is hard to stop.  I steer away from it unless I am home, or on the ferry, with nothing else to do.  Some folks have a magazine rack or a book shelf in the bathroom. Me? I…well never mind.

I confess…

This is being written on Saturday because I was way too busy at work on Friday to take lunch and write.  But that is okay, busy at work means we are all employed and we are all rather fond of our jobs.  Okay most days.

I confess…

It is a great morning!  Slept in, and I slept like a downed tree last night.  Caught up on my shows before I went to bed, slept in until 9:30am.  My laundry is started, and I’m enjoying a cup of coffee with a kitten in my lap.  That is the way to write!  Hmm.. maybe some time working on my book today is in order too.

I confess…

It was raining last night by the time I finished dinner and dishes so I could not walk the dog.  I could use an umbrella, but having a wet dog, which results in a stinky dog, didn’t seem like a good option.  I’ll just walk her twice today!

I confess…

I’m off to find shoes to make my Saturday Shoe Lust post with, which is a total pleasure because I really love shoes!  Well looking at them. I hate wearing shoes.  Give me socks thanks.

Meow It Forward!!!!

I just saw this on the Urgent Ohio Dogs Facebook Page this morning and wanted to share it.

While I feel that an outdoor “pet” is not a pet at all, but a neighborhood nuisance, I also get that some cold hearted folks will just set cats loose rather than do something humane like find a new forever home for them.  Cold weather is NOT a good thing for those outdoor felines, they are not made to withstand the cold.  And if you are like me and at maximum crazy cat lady capacity, or simply cannot take them in for some other reason, you might feel frustrated that you cannot help rescue every little 4 legged furry one out there.

We can still help!  Put out a shelter for them.  It will cost about $10 and just might save the life of a cat!

Here are the instructions direct from the Facebook page mentioned above:

INSTRUCTIONS- You will need the following:

1. Rubbermaid Container
2. Styrofoam Cooler
3. Straw
4. Utility Knife
5. Tape
6. Bowl
7. Marker or Pen
8. Hair Dryer

Stand the Rubbermaid box on one end…… take the bowl and trace a circle with your pen around the edges to form the “entrance” …… Use your hair dryer to “warm” the circle up (so it’s easier to cut) after 3-5 minutes of blowing hot air on the circle take your utility knife and carefully cut the circle out….. place a layer of straw/hay on the BOTTOM of the rubbermaid container… (if you do not have hay/straw tonight you can use newspaper, (crumpled up for extra insulation) and place a layer on the bottom——- then place the styrofoam container inside the rubbermaid container and using the hole on the rubbermaid container take your pen and trace a hole on styrofoam (then cut the hole out) once that is finished pack all sides (between rubbermaid container and styrofoam container with hay/straw and or an insulator… pack it tightly…. the more protection they have the better…. place hay/straw inside of stryofoam box also (enough for a bed— (fill it up about 35-40% (they need room to get in and snuggle) ….. Place Lid on styrofoam container and tape it shut- then place rubbermaid lid on…… I usually write on the lid “FERAL CAT PROJECT DO NOT REMOVE” (people tend to leave it alone if something is written on the top) if you do not have one or two of the things needed ——– improvise there are lots of things that would work and it doesn’t have to be perfect just warm.

1394422_743925102289285_921808753_n (1)

You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up Thursday

I often hear of bucket lists, and while there are things I want to do before I die, I have yet to put those into a formal list.

My question is, do you have an UN-bucket list?  You know, those things that happen to you in life that would never have made the bucket list, they are more of those off the wall experiences that fall into the “you can’t make this sh*t up!” category.  Thursdays will be those days for me to share that ever growing list.  My life is full of such events, which tends to make it way more interesting and amusing.  At least to some folks on the outside looking in. Me? I just have to laugh or I’d probably cry and go bonkers.

As if yesterday’s post wasn’t full of oddness enough (semi trucks on the ferry, my little kitten etc), life kept it on a roll.  I got home with NO traffic issues (nothing short of amazing) and went to check on my kitten.  She is confined to the master bed and bath for 2 weeks while she is healing.  She greeted me at the bedroom door, having heard me come in the front door.  My nose immediately detected a very unpleasant odor.  Poop.  I looked all over and nothing could be found.  Her litter box looked fine, as in everything covered.  I picked her up and thankfully the stench grew stronger quickly, before I put her against me, because hanging there off the butt end of my fur ball was a big ole dingleberry.  For those that do not know, it’s a ball of feces stuck in the hair of one’s tush.  In this case it was more of a log.  I took her straight in the bathroom and removed it with toilet paper, but it was mashed into her fur.  Only way to deal with that? Bathe the kitten.  I want you to know that you have not truly lived until  you try to bathe a kitten who is certain you are trying to drown her.

tumblr_lkhntxfjoX1qjcwjgo1_500Now, picture this, we have a nice, large jaccuzzi tub in the bathroom, oval shaped.  I am holding the kitten and turn on the water and yep, she figures out really fast that it’s going to somehow involve her.  I go to stick her butt and tail under the water and I swear all 4.5 pounds of tiny Skyler is on alert.  Her little legs spread wide to try to reach the sides to hold her out of the water, while her upper body starts to twist and claw into my arms.  Thankfully I saw this coming and had pulled down my shirt sleeves.  I had to work really hard to not drop her while shampooing her bottom.  Took 2 separate attempts and all I had to do this with was Avon Naturals Kids Coconut shampoo.  So upon drying her off the second time she now smelled like a daiquiri.  But it was a big improvement.  I also didn’t have a towel handy so used my bath towel.  I then had to do a load of laundry because I wasn’t about to shower and use that towel until I had!

As the night wore on, I started to feel bad.  Like in sick.  😦  this is not a happy thing for me, I don’t like being sick.  I’ve tried hard to be in denial and refuse to accept it.  First the cat bath, now this. UGH

At bedtime I put the kitten on my blanket that I sleep under.  With menopause in full swing it is better to have my own blanket so as not to freeze my honey out when I have to throw off the blankets in the night sweats.  And I love the blanket, it is one my niece gave me last year for Christmas and it is SOOOOO soft.  Kitten ended up under the edge of it.  She didn’t move all night that I know of, as was evidenced by when I woke up and my pajama pant leg was soaking wet (she had climbed up on my leg to sleep) and the blanket.  One sniff and I knew she had pee’d on me.  I have no clue why she never went to use her litter box.  Perhaps her pain meds left her in a zone?  Or maybe she was stuck?  Who knows, I only know that waking up covered in kitten urine was not on my bucket list.  For that matter neither is bathing poop off a cat’s butt.

One last strange thing on the radar…my blog just suggested “New Mexico State University” as a recommended tag.  Hmm…not sure what connection this all has to that particular college.

You can’t make this sh*t up!

Wine & Cheese ~ 73rd Serving

wine n cheeseWelcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 73rd serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

WINE

😦  I want to whine about poop.  Not my poo, I am just fine, all regular and fluffy floaty like.  I want to complain about animal poop.  Specifically MY animal’s poo.

I have this dog, a cute, floppy eared, FAT Yorkie, named Penny.  She is 10 years old and about 4 pounds over weight.   She was my daughter’s side kick for her entire existence until this past June when she took up residence with me in the Knight’s palace.  I also have my cat, and one of my niece’s cats.  And also, a rescue kitten.  All the cats were rescues, and technically the pooch is too as she had to go live with someone other than my daughter.  4 critters = loads (as in many) of poo.

My cats.  They share a litter box even though I’ve read and been told that they each should have their own.  I’m unsure how you assign a cat to a particular box.  The kitten came with her own and the big cats immediately took to using her kitty commode.  I don’t buy into this each needs their own, I think it’s a scam to get cat owners to buy more crap catchers than they really need.  The cats scatter litter out on the floor of the bathroom in the lowest corner of the house.  Even the lidded boxes are no match for my little litter warriors.  So I finally ditched the lid, and everyone is using the same box.  Sort of.  One of the 3 seems to prefer going on the top edge of the box as opposed to IN the box.  One has taken to going on the floor about once a week.  I’m not sure if that is because there was a line and  wait at the potty and they couldn’t hold it or what.

My dog.  I grab a bag and paper towels, being a responsible pet owner, and when we walk I pick up the little bombs she likes to drop. In. Every. Yard. We. Pass.  REALLY? If I give her too much retractable leash that is exactly what she will attempt to do.  And last night, while taking a quick walk (we had to shorten it due to rain), she who had eaten cat food a few too many times behind my back, decided when I wouldn’t allow her to go in every single yard, she’d cop a squat in the middle of the street and drop her little poopoo land mine right there.  This would not be a major problem other than she looks dumb as a brick except that thanks to the cat food the dog has the trots.  As in runny poo.   SERIOUSLY DOG????? How the heck do you pick that up?  I had to kinda wipe and fake it cause there was NO getting that mess up.  Thankfully it was mostly dark already and not under a street light.

CHEESE

🙂  Mom had surgery for her cancer of the appendix (I know, we’d never heard of such a thing either but leave it to one of my family to get the quirkiest one we could find), and she is home already and doing great.  4th round with this so hopefully it takes a flipping hike because we’re all over this little issue, especially mom!

🙂  In cleaning out dad’s house for him to go into a nursing home I came across his old seminary stuff from high school, including letters he wrote home to his mom.  I cannot wait to find time to sit down and go through it all!

🙂  It’s Wednesday, half way to Friday.  THAT is something to be happy about.

🙂  My books are slowly yet steadily coming along.  I love it!!!!

🙂  and now, for dessert…fluffy floaties explained, in this all about poop edition of wine and cheese.

DESSERT

Random Thoughts From Behind The Steering Wheel

traffic-angerMy commute to work is never boring.  28 miles from the palace to the office, not to mention the trip home again, is always entertaining if nothing else.

As a general rule, there is heavy traffic on the drive.  Not usually for any reason, just random slow downs and stops on the highway for absolutely nothing.  Approaching what we all call “the cut in the hill” here in northern Kentucky, it is especially awesome.  This stretch of I71/75 used to be, or so I’m told, one of the deadliest stretches of highway.  This might be an old wives tale, but I will admit it used to be much worse of a steep grade than it is now.  It has been modified and while it is still a very steep grade, it no longer shows up on the list of deadliest stretches of highway.  Sure, if you are not paying attention and have to brake suddenly, the steep grade downward is going to make it very difficult to stop.  I know this from personal experience, and while I did not hit anyone, it did wake me up to just how careful I need to be on that hill.

Now, it is my theory that as folks approach this section of the road they freak out, get all white knuckled and think OMG WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! and begin to slow down.  WAY down.  This starts a chain reaction of folks slowing, or in the case of those mind wandering types, standing on the brakes and before long traffic is backed up for several miles.  Really, 2 or 3 miles!  Which may not seem like a lot, unless you are burning up the pavement at the breakneck speed of 5mph and stopping periodically for up to 30 seconds.  I do not text and drive but I could probably write an entire blog post in that 3 miles before the Ohio river if I did!

Within this daily commute are various folks who wish to merge into the lane I am occupying.  This is acceptable.  On an optimal commute, they turn on their turn signal, indicating a desire to move into traffic in front of me, and I let off the gas to slow enough to make room for them and their car zips on in there and life is all warm and fuzzy on the road.  Rarely is this the way the scene plays out.  Not only does Joe Brain Dead Citizen fail to use his turn signal (seems some folks must believe these are options and not standard issue on vehicles today) sometimes the imbecile wanting to slide in grossly  under estimates the size of his car and the distance between  my bumper and the one in front of me.  Perhaps with some lube and a shoe horn, and the ability to accordion his machine to half it’s original size, he could indeed safely change lanes leaving half an inch to spare between us all.  Often I have to brake for these douche canoes.  This sends my purse sailing to the floor and the contents spill out and this makes the mood of the princess less than marvelous.

Then there is the other extreme.  Joe Average Citizen flips on his little blinker then drives along as I provide more, and more, and yet even more room.  I flash the brights to indicate that yes he is welcome to join the drivers in my lane.  And. He. Does. Nothing.  Look, ass clown, society reserves engraved invitations for formal occasions like weddings.  This is a traffic merge, it’s not a black tie affair, just get in the damn lane or turn off the signal!!! Oh and careful there bud, you almost rear ended that semi while trying to make up your mind.

I won’t even GO there when it comes to people texting and driving. I could write a weeks worth of posts on that topic and the zombies who attempt this thinking they are awesome drivers.

Now, I don’t get to looking like the chick in the photo, because it is just NOT worth it.  I tend to say something to the effect of “what are you doing? really, dude, wtf are you doing?” then I’m over it.

Lately I have taken to singing and seat dancing like the guy in the “highway sing along – buttercup edition” video.  It’s just a blast and entertains the other drivers.   (see video below for my inspiration)

LOVE THAT!

***disclaimer – rough language beyond this point***

I do want to post this to the wall of driver shame.  On Springfield Pike this morning, at around 7:25am, this idiot blew through 2 school zones.  I mean active, lights flashing, kids all around school zones, doing at least 40mph.   I know this because he flew past me when I was doing 35mph, BEFORE the school zones, and never even slowed down as  he plowed through those child filled areas with complete disregard for the kids.  SHAME ON YOU COMMUNITY LAWN CARE truck driver, you, sir, are a flaming, wrap around asshole!  Too bad at zone #3 the light changed or the radar cop sitting off to the side could have nailed your worthless piece of crap ass!

At the light I took a picture of your truck to post today.  I was thankful for the red light so I could do this.

I’ll cut my lawn with a scissors before I’d hire this bunch.

I hope you get several flat tires, you douche canoe

I hope you get several flat tires, you douche canoe

Friday Confessional

AH Friday, how I love this day!  Last day of the work week, quitting time marks the beginning of a few days of chilling out.  It also means it is time to go into the confessional and get some things out there so let’s roll this.

I confess…

Friday couldn’t have gotten here fast enough!  This week flew past, but it has been so hectic that I swear it couldn’t arrive quickly enough to make me happy!

I confess…

I think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory might be a distant relation.  While not super OCD about most things I DO have a some areas that simply have to be a certain way.  Meanwhile I LOVE that show.

I confess…

My book (okay it’s several) is coming along, slow and steady.  I love writing, it is one form of therapy for me.  Just wish I had more time to sit on the couch of said therapist!

I confess…

I am so excited about a current direct sales company, that I’m actually doing a review and interview with the founder. That is coming soon!

I confess…

1384380_10201425286286702_791300864_nI am SO proud of my daughter.  Before I say more, let me stress she ADORES animals.  As a vet tech/ICU nurse for critters she stands on her head to keep them alive and getting better.  That said, she decided she wanted to learn to hunt.  She likes venison because it is a healthier meat.  It also bothers her to see how slaughter houses torture animals with their process of killing.

Now, if you are one of those who does not understand the need for deer hunting, stop here.  I believe in hunting if the animal being hunted is used for food.  I’ll take time out now to thank my son for some amazing venison last year.  Okay back to the confession.  She went bow hunting the other night and got her first deer.  It gets no more organic than hunting wild game, as she said.  No antibiotics, no growth hormones, just a wild animal that will be used to feed her family for the coming months.  Hopefully she remembers her mama’s freezer has room so I can use some to make my black bean chili.  But just look at the smile on her face!!  She took her shot and got it.  And she made sure it was a quick death.  She even did her own gutting etc, as she wants to be a true hunter.  Her older brother has 2 so far this deer season.  I see a lot of venison dishes in their future.

 

Weird & Wonderful – Tuesday Coffee Chat

coffeechat

WEIRD AND WONDERFUL

The Weird:

What is with dogs?  I take the Yorkie out to do her business and as long as she is just peeing it isn’t too difficult, she finds a spot without even bothering to sniff for the most part.  But OH if she needs to drop a little brown bomb, look out.  She will walk a path in about a 2 to 3 square foot area, the same path, over and over and over again.  Soon as she gets to the end of the little design she walked, she does it again.  Some times she will reverse like a toy that has bumped into the wall, and go back over her exact steps, then reverse and do it all again.  Same path.  After several minutes of this, with me coaching her to “focus damn it mommy has to go too”, she finally walks about 2 feet outside of that area, in a straight line, and poops.  It’s as if she was drawing some kind of picture and then walked to the unused corner of the virtual canvas and signed her name with a turd.  I just do NOT understand it.  I have found multiple reasons for dogs doing this online but none stands out as the true answer other than to annoy an owner at 5am who is themselves doing a potty dance in the front yard.  However it is highly discouraged that I squat and go or the neighbors may get upset.  WEIRD!!!!

Speaking of dogs.  I had to leave the Yorkie at home today.  The boss brings his dog to work and she has fleas.  My puppy was fine after being fed and taken outside, then put back in her crate…until she heard me pick up my keys and stuff to leave.  Suddenly she started to whimper and made me feel bad.  It was like dropping my son at daycare or the baby sitter all over again 27 years ago!  I got all weepy too!  WEIRD!!!!

I love a good glass of wine or 3 now and then.  For quite awhile after moving into the Palace with the Knight I didn’t drink.  He doesn’t drink so there were no wine glasses in the house, and I just really didn’t feel much need to have a glass of wine.  I won’t argue as to anyone ever really needing a glass, as believe me in the interest of keeping the body count down I can justify, once in a while, needing  a glass of wine (or 3).  One night a few weeks back I decided I needed wanted a glass so I stopped and picked up a bottle of white zin.  Then I headed on over to Dollar Tree for a nice glass.  I bought the biggest one they had, for only $1.  While I have had wine it in, I’ve noted that even putting in sparking, fruit infused water to sip, seems to have a calming effect.  Same can be said for a diet soda.  It makes me wonder, if it isn’t just the glass?  The shape, the way it feels in my hand..kinda brings out the diva side of me, all sophistication and elegance, total class.  That side of me that will go off to the bathroom, shut the door, and quietly fart all lady-like rather than let it rip nice and loud while watching football.  WEIRD!!!!

The Wonderful:

Yep…you guessed it.  My Knight.  My man is just amazing and I cannot imagine life without him now that I’ve had life with him.  WONDERFUL!!!

1368638_520993701319492_1728425436_nMy wonderful man conceded (without batting an eye) to me bringing home a new kitten.  Originally my thought was til we found a forever home, but the kids and I wanted to keep her.  I actually wanted her from the first time I saw a picture of this adorable, black kitten that appears to have some Persian in her as her fur is long.  She has milk chocolate-colored eyes and is a rescue case.  She was found around a Skyline restaurant so my cousin dubbed her “Skylar”.  She had fleas and tape worm, but has a clean bill of health now from the vet.  She is 3-4 months old and 3 pounds of boundless energy!  The Knight’s mama sent me some great info about how to introduce her into the critterdome at home, so she wouldn’t be scared.  Well it didn’t last long and we had her out.  Pixel and Ditzy checked her out and hissed loudly at her, unimpressed with her cuteness.  Penny, the Yorkie, seems to like her, they rub noses and Penny wags her tail, and Skylar likes to hang near her.  If Penny is in her crate, Skylar lays next to it until we let the dog out.    The big cats, just keep hissing.  I was concerned at first, but seems my kitten is not at all afraid.  If they hiss at her, she bolts and chases after them.  She will chase them all over the house!  If they are laying there and she walks by, she will stop, reach out and touch their tail with her paw.  They turn, hiss and she lunges and they run.  Then she struts around and you can just tell she knows she just won!   It’s a riot.  She is a little bad ass!  WONDERFUL!!!!

Copyright © 2013 – Marvi Marti/Marti Gardner – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Friday Confessional

FINALLY!!

I didn’t think Friday would ever get here.

Oh it was a fast week, until I had asked off for today and made plans to get my nails and hair done, then it D-R-A-G-G-E-D.

But we have arrived, at last, so let’s do this!

I confess…

Today was Routine Marti Maintenance day.  A day off of work to handle the hair cut and new set of nails.  I hadn’t had a day off in a very long time, so it was over due and I needed to just be in maintenance and then homemaker mode.

I confess…

Homemaker mode was busy mode.  Making a menu for 2 weeks, then the grocery list.  Grocery shopping and putting it all away.  So proud of myself for coming in way under budget this time, on the way to the car while internally celebrating I realized I forgot toilet paper.  This could not be left to another time, but I wasn’t going back into the mega size grocery store.  Hello Dollar Tree.  Once in there I not only picked up toilet paper, but also 10 other items, paying a whole $11.  I love that store.

I confess…

Once the groceries were put away, I made brownies.  Gotta have dessert when the Knight’s royal offspring are here.  🙂  Then I started laundry, which is finally completed and all put away.  I also made dinner and then cleaned up.  I’m wiped out, but tomorrow I can sleep in!

I confess…

I may have a slight caffeine addiction.  Today I skipped having coffee in the morning because I was headed out, and the day has ended with a bit of a withdraw headache.  So I’m having some coffee and I’ve applied some 31 Essential Oil, problem solved.

I confess…

I am looking forward to a cup of Sleepy Time Extra tea (Celestial Seasons), and crawling into bed!

Snakes, Snails, & Puppy Dog Tails

Most folks have heard at some point that little boys are made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails.

Little girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice.  And of course as we age that spice takes over and seasons the everything nice into stuff that often is NOT so nice, strutting around in high heels.  But is another post for another time.

We have a wonderful little Yorkie in the palace, Penny.  She is my daughter’s first dog, who cannot live in harmony with the daughter’s boyfriend’s canine.  This is really not a shocker, as little chubby Penny has a bit of a Princess complex, only it is the negative side of said complex.  Honestly she is a bit of a crotchety old dog, at 10 years and a few months, but only when it comes to other dogs being in ‘her’ pack.  One of the cats, on the other hand, the palace feline princess, is a bully and bosses the dog around.   We have no ‘puppy dog tails’, as it is more of a stump, because they clip Yorkie’s ears and tails.  But for all intents and purposes, in addition to boys who are made up of such lovely stuff, we have the puppy dog tail part covered.

When it comes to snails, yes we have those. Outside.  Where they belong.  Well they are slugs, which my very unscientific brain believes are homeless snails, as in minus a shell.  I nearly stepped on a large, slimy slug one morning last week when I took Penny out to send her first, 5am pee-mail.  I saw it moving on the sidewalk and bent down to see what it was, as without my glasses on in the morning I have to get kind of up close and personal with the world around me to bring it into focus.  So, snails and puppy dog tails.  And a bunch of cat fur that is shed now and then too, throughout the palace.  Thankfully there is this dandy device known as a vacuum cleaner for that issue.

Which brings us to snakes.  There are few things in this world that will cause me to be completely paralyzed with fear, and snakes would be one of those things.  I HATE SNAKES!  I do not care if they don’t bite, aren’t poisonous, and eat rodents.  I HATE SNAKES!!  My son, the cop, who is afraid of tiny tan house spiders, at least will run screaming and naked from the shower if he encounters his 8 legged fear.  When I come across a snake I freeze, cannot move, and if I found one in the shower with me I’d just drop dead of a heart attack, end of story.

At 5am today, Penny was doing her potty dance and adding a slight whimper to it from her crate in our room.  This nixed the idea of “just 10 more minutes” with a touch of the snooze alarm.  Whimpers generally mean “if you don’t get out of that bed, woman, there will be nasty, runny puppy poop to clean up and it will be no one’s fault but your own!”  This I know from the not too distant past (see Over Night Notes To Self for more information).  I got up, got the dog and headed downstairs.  I picked up her leash and she wouldn’t come to me, seemed she was thirsty.  So much for urgency.  When she finally had emptied the water bowl, as the cats looked on with great concern (they always worry no one will refill it), I hooked the leash to her collar and we walked out of the front door.  I did not have my glasses on, so what I first thought I was seeing laying on the sidewalk, was a large stick, or the neighbor’s ivy type plant had grown a rather long off-shoot across the concrete.  I got to the edge of the porch and started to step down, getting up close and personal and HOLY CRAP THAT IS A FREAKING SNAKE!!!!!!  I backed up very fast, to the door.  Penny, is looking at me oddly and trying to go forward.

I am now standing, frozen on the porch, trying to decide what to do.  I could go through the garage and let the dog go out that way, but what if when I move it goes down by the garage door and enters?  ARGH!!!!!!  The dog is starting to pull on the leash, she has business at the other end of the sidewalk and I’m holding up progress.  I’m worried that as she passes over it, the snake is going to whip around and bit the dog.  And of course from the size of the snake  in my imagination, it is going to swallow my poor little Yorkie whole.  But she is pulling harder, so I give her some leash to work with as she heads right toward the monster on the walkway.  I decide that perhaps I am sacrificing the dog, but then it could be fore the greater good.  That of course being that the snake would eat the pup then move on somewhere to hang out for a few weeks while it digests Penny.  I’m sure my daughter could understand that, right?

Penny stopped and sniffed the tail of the snake then stepped over it and kept going.  I gave her all the leash that I could, hoping she would just go in the mulch and come back to the porch, like she does when it is pouring down rain. But NO, she is tugging at it and looking at me like “it’s now or I am dropping this mess on your sidewalk”.  It dawns on me then that the snake had not moved.  So, I bravely, on jello legs lean out and have another look and realize it is just a long skin.  But what if the snake is not done shedding it yet? EEEEEK now what?  I decided I had to get the dog to the other end of the sidewalk so she could send her pee-mail and poo in the grass.  I did a graceful, ballerina style leap over the snake skin, (okay it no doubt looked like a rhino, sporting pink/blue/purple plaid & a pink, Hello Kitty shirt, trying to jump an obstacle)  and then ran down the sidewalk sure it was in hot pursuit.  Puppy did her business and we headed back up the path to the door.  With goosebumps the size of grapes, I timed my next impressive jump so that I was going over the dog and the snake skin, in case the snake was there, the dog would be the closer target.  Sorry, I know, but again, the whole greater good thing, after all the dog cannot cook or do laundry.  I had to save myself!

Before I left for the office I found a long broom stick and went outside to lift the skin off the walkway.  It was at this time that I happened to see just how long (3 ft) this thing was, and the face was looking up at me from the ornamental grasses by the downspout.  It was empty but it sure looked the part, even with my glasses on.

Now, as I end this, let me mention that before I went to bed last night I was reading Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, the part at the end of the TriWizard Tournament.  You know, where he bumps into my ex-husband Lord Voldemort in the grave yard?  And old you-know-who has that big old snake with him, which made my skin crawl thinking about it before I went to sleep.  Before you think this is a figment of my imagination inspired by too much Valerian root in my before bedtime tea, I took a picture of it after I brought the dog inside.

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