Today I am featuring one of the Diva Den cats, Ms. Ditzy, who feels she needs a soap box to air some grievance she has with me. So, I decided to let her have at it. She is our 3rd, and for now, final cat addition. Roughly 6 months old, we refer to her as our ‘special’ cat, as in mentally touched. She is NOT the brightest bulb in the box. Here she is with her first post:
Greetings to all of you, my name is Goddess, you may call me Princess. I am well aware that the staff refer to me as ‘Ditzy’ but that is their disrespectful name for me. I am royalty, after all. I mean, look at that photo, that is a true Princess, don’t you agree? Of course you do.
I’m more than just a tiny bit miffed of late at the staff member that feeds us fabulous felines, the one you know as Marvi Marti. As far as her duties of feeding us, we give her a ‘C+’. Too many evenings she arrives back at the palace late, or just seems to forget us, how rude!
But it isn’t her lack of attention to our food dishes that has my tail puffed up like a Christmas tree. It is her inability to accept that the one she refers to as Mr. Wonderful, belongs to ME! He is the staff member in charge of entertaining me, and my most adored play thing. SHE thinks he is here for her and frequently distracts him from his duties: playing games with me. It brushes my fur the wrong way, and it simply must stop!
My very favorite game is fetch. Stop gasping, we cats taught the game to dogs, they just try to pretend they thought of it first. Seriously, dogs have no brains whatsoever. Kick them and the fools come back wagging their tails. Kick us? OH big mistake, we will poo in your bed, chew the tassels off your favorite shoes, fling the litter box contents all over, or trip you in attempts to kill you on the stairs. We cats are gods, get used to it. We punish those that serve us when they are incompetent or anger us.
Let me tell you what this not so marvelous one does. My man-toy arrives and as the staff opens the door, there I am sitting pretty as can be near the door awaiting his adoration. What does the Marvi do? Steps in between he and I and into his arms, making him hold and kiss her. I know, right? HOW RUDE!!! Then he tries to appease me after the wench has gotten her fill. REALLY not happy about this at all.
Do you think she is at all lagging in making sure he has something to eat? OH no! She will wait on his every need, getting him a drink and even turns her phone off and puts her computer away. Unless of course he wants to dance with her, then he puts on romantic music and turns the lights down and dances with her, even singing to her! Do you think he ever thinks to hold me and dance with me, the goddess he is here to entertain? OH no, she has him all to herself and refuses to give him up!
The past three evenings he has come over to play games with me and entertain my wonderful self. At first, once she was done slobbering all over him at the door, he sat on the floor throwing my crinkle. I impressed him with my abilities to jump and twist in the air (we taught dogs to do that while chasing frisbees), then landing feather light on my paws. I would walk all regally back to him, dropping the crinkle at his side allowing him to continue our little game. While retrieving the crinkle, I find SHE has once again diverted his focus to HER. There he is, head in her lap while she is rubbing his head and cooing at him! Or worse yet, has her head in HIS lap while he is rubbing her head! REALLY???? And do you think he requests a back scratch from me, the one with the natural claws? OH no, he asks her, the lowly food wench, to use her fake talons to scratch his lovely, muscled and tattooed back. It makes me want to heave up a hairball in her shoes.
One would think this staff member would be tripping over herself to please me after stealing my man-toy, but no, she continues to ignore every opportunity to pay me homage. She has a
window kitty cat television right next to the desk lounging platform in her sleep chambers. There are few things we felines enjoy like watching our kitty TV. Do you think she raises the blinds turns it on when I paw the ledge and ‘meow’? Oh no, she shoos me of the room and closes the door. She doesn’t seem to grasp that there are NO doors ever to be closed to us of tailed divinity. NONE of our staff seems to understand this. HUMANS! Such simple minded low life they are.