Posted in Random

The Fun Fairy Has The Blues

I made the comment to my boyfriend this morning, in the midst of major hot flashes, that it is most unfair that women get all the ‘fun’.  Once a month we get to bleed damn near to death.  We get to go through PMS, something medical science just cannot seem to truly figure out so it throws medications at us to sedate and pacify us through those wretched days and reduce the homicide rate.  Then of course there is labor and delivery, a pain even medical science will say that few if any men could handle.  To top it off, we then get to go through roughly 10 years of hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, memory loss and borderline mental insanity that often drives the men in our lives into the arms of a younger woman: Menopause.  Really, the deck is stacked against us enough already in that men, being visual creatures, get all hot and bothered by the super models living among us, so we toss in the monthly, and then later decade-long Monster Syndrome and there is no way we can compete and measure up for their desire and attention.

sad turtleToday is my ‘blues’ day of PMS.  Can you tell?

Most women who go through PMS have stages during those days.  Once a month we go through at least one day of grumpies where little stuff annoys the crap out of us.  Nothing fits right, and it is the single worst time to go clothes shopping because even if we could manage to look stunning, sexy and luscious in an outfit, we’d feel and think we looked like an old, frumpy hag.

Many also experience the anger day, the one the ex referred to as “kill or be killed” day.  Anyone who every saw the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, “Bad Moon Rising” (I’ll include the link to the full episode at the end of this blog) totally relates to Deborah (if you are female) or Raymond (if you are male).  I swear, it comes out of no where, when PMS is in full on mode.  It’s not even every month but wow when it does hit, it makes up for lost time!  It feels like someone cracks a bottle of super bitch over my head and I can FEEL it move through me like demon taking over.  What follows is usually verbal destruction as anger and wrath pour out of my mouth.  It’s no doubt where the writers and director got their inspiration for The Exorcist.  Even I cannot believe what is coming out of my mouth when it hits, and it is like an out of body experience as I hear it and all the while in my head I’m screaming “shut the f*ck up woman are you crazy?????” and yet I cannot stop the flow once it starts until I am completely emptied and drained of it all.  There is no way to prepare anyone for it, let alone myself.  It just happens.  At times it is just a blind rage and I don’t even remember what I said when the explosion happens.  I will retreat when I feel it coming, and try to stay far away from anyone and everyone so as to minimize and emotional debris that might be left in my wake.  I am afraid of me when I’m like that and certainly wouldn’t wish this horrid sadistic creature on even my worst enemy.

Today is blues day.  Most women get this one too.  It is one of those days where the dumbest, littlest things will just make you cry.  Depressed, bummed, down…hard to explain it but rather than getting angry, everything makes me cry.  It will last 8-10 hours then vanish and peace and tranquility will settle in and the Chief Fun Fairy will start thinking happy thoughts again.  Until then, Katie bar the door and pass the tissues.

*SIGH*

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Posted in Writer's Workshop

Better Living Through…Nature!?

This week I opted in on the Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and chose option 3 – Tell us something that fascinates  you.

I used to say, “Better living through chemistry”, as in just hand me a glass of wine and this will all be okay.  No wine? Okay a cold beer will do the trick.  Or a shot of whiskey.  Or chocolate, just give me the darn candy bar or cookies and I’ll let everyone live another day.  And of course there is the good old Lexapro because the ex said I was overly emotional and had anger issues.  He is the ONLY person who ever told me this, even my kids now tell me that no I really wasn’t that bad.  But what the heck, I’ve got myself down to 20mg and it probably has kept the body count down while I went through the divorce and these 2+ years after.  My clue that I really don’t need it, for depression or anger is when I go to take it, from the daily pill container, and discover that I haven’t had it in a week.  And no one is saying, “yikes have you had your meds today???”  I was on 40mg but honestly I was border line zombie material so I backed myself down from it.  I think having a full range of emotions is the intent, without slicing throats.  Only one throat I have had any real desire to slash and that one divorced me.  Well okay, the soon-to-be-though-not-soon-enough-former-sister-in-law, but honestly I think it would be better if she suffered.  Sorry, inner voice took over there for just a minute.

Chocolate makes my butt huge, and well so does beer.  Wine is all good but there is that whole  “in moderation” thing, and the risk of a DUI and well that would suck sour grapes really.   Honestly I do not care for taking medication of any kind.  I have grown more and more skeptical of chemicals.  I think modern medicine is amazing, but I think the less drugs we take the better.  Not to mention side effects and those lovely little warning labels that say not to exceed __ number of doses in a specified time period.  That is just dandy but what if my nose is stuffed up and I’m only 3 hours into the 12 hour period of the nasal spray???  Or  it has only been 2 hours and I cannot exceed 4 doses over a 24 hour period of some pill??

Recently my skeptical self encountered essential oils.  100% pure, pharmaceutical grade oils.  I bought into herbal teas after finding success with ailments, then discovered oils.  In struggling with allergies I allowed myself to ‘try’ spraying Eucasol from SwissJust on a tissue and laying it across my face and holy mother of sinus clogs I discovered that my head cleared right out and I could breathe!  I’ve gone through almost every drop of the stuff I have and will be buying more.  And unlike that famous vapor rub, this doesn’t leave greasy stains on anything.  I love it.

Then came Lavender Oil.  My friend had trouble sleeping, suffering from insomnia issues.  She put a few drops in her hands at bed time, cupped them over her nose and inhaled a while, then rubbed her hands on her pillow case and spent her night inhaling the wonderful scent and she SLEPT!  I was in a short struggle with brain scramble, when the ADD just won’t settle down so my mind could shut off and I could sleep, so I tried it.  I again was shocked beyond my skepticism when I found myself sleeping like a downed tree.

The granddaddy of them all is the Body Balm.  I was told to put it in a spray bottle and spray it down my chest and back a pump or two when hot flashes hit, thanks the menopause trying to elbow its unwelcome self into my life.  The primary ingredient is Arnica Extract.  There are 12 secondary ingredients including Edelweiss extract, Chamomile extract and St. John’s Wort extract.  I can tell you that it is said to be awesome for bruises, sprains and stings.  My sister put it on  a blister and it was gone the next day.  And with regards to those hot flashes?  Cue the angels singing and warm light from above, it works!

I have now taken a total fascination into essential oils and aroma therapy.  The Anti Stress Activator has 15 various oils, and 2  drops gently rubbed behind my ears and on the nap of my neck and yes, the Marvelous one is chillaxed.  Mind crystal clear and R-E-L-A-X-E-D.  Fascinated is so understated.  Call it mind over matter, the stuff of witch doctors and snake oil salesman, but I’m here to tell you that it works.  This stuff is essentially amazing!   Should you decide to try out essential oils, be certain they are 100% pure, pharmaceutical grade or they lack the necessary strength to really be effective.

Posted in Wine & Cheese

Wine & Cheese ~ 50th Serving

Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 50th serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

WINE

:(  Who released the gloom and doom weather?  Gray, overcast, raining…honestly I’d rather have snow than this!  I cannot believe I just said that, it is 52 degrees, feels like spring time but it is icky outside, not pretty, and frankly that can be quite depressing.  If it is going to be warm then sunshine is in order, that or give us back winter and we’ll deal with the snow and cold, at least it is pretty.

😦  Seriously why do women get all the fun with aging?  I’ve had spurts of hot flashes for years, since my late 30s, with an occasional round of night sweats so intense it made me sick to my stomach.  But for the past month or so I’ve been a walking oven!  Most days are a total waste of makeup by lunch time, I sweat it off!  Even my hair ends up damp and a mess, this is a true pain in the ass!

😦  While I’m whining about menopausal stuff, SLEEP DEPRIVATION!!!  Granted going to bed earlier would help, but regardless of what time I hit the sack I’m awake many times throughout the night.  This is far from restful and makes for me being very tired the next day.  Where do I resign from this chapter???

😦  Everything I read about menopause says it might (key word: might) help to avoid alcohol and coffee.  Really?? Give up my 2 pot a day caffeine addiction and my beer?  Why don’t we just lock me in a padded cell now because that is what is most likely keeping me somewhat sane!

CHEESE

🙂  I have my walk in closet back!!!  This past weekend we finally overhauled the basement family room into an Avon office!  All product is on shelves, we have a nice work table and desk, and no more Avon all over the house.  I love it!  I love that I have my closet again too.

🙂  I found a new show to get into, making my Sunday evenings something better to look forward too.  My sister introduced me to Once Upon A Time and I am hooked!  She DVR’d every episode and has me up to date.  We have mom hooked now too.  And it is a show that is on at a reasonable time so I can actually go to bed at a decent hour (yeah COULD but won’t).

🙂  I got the cutest gift this week in the mail from my buddy, Cinful Cinnamon.  From her Cinful Creations, an adorable pink fabric tote, edged in black feathers that is embroidered “Mother Of The Groom” and a wonderfully comfy neck pillow!  Totally made my Monday!  Thanks Cin!

🙂  I get up every morning with a smile on my very sleepy face, thankful that I have the best jobs in the world!  Caring for the baby of a friend (7mths old and ADORABLE) and working my Avon business.  I love this little darling, she brightens every day.  I also love helping other women look and feel amazing with products I’m using myself and can proudly endorse and recommend to others.  Working at home and for myself is the best!  My potential earnings are limitless and I feel a real sense of accomplishment at the end of every day.

DESSERT

I laughed out loud when I saw this, once again so glad I am taking a year off dating to just work on me.

Posted in Sassy & Solo

Hot Flashes? Marriage? HELL NO!

I’m in like the 3rd week of daily doses of hot flashes.  This sucks.  Really it does.  I love summer, love warm to hot weather.  But walking around in my own mini-tropical climate has got to go.  I keep a hand fan nearby, and when I cannot find it any envelope, folded paper, Avon brochure will due.  Winter and there I sit at my desk, bedroom door closed so I can maintain my personal ice-box, made by opening my bedroom window.  The cats love it, they see it as full theater experience cat-television when they can sit in an open window.  But I think I’ve seen icicles hanging from their whiskers. Knowing my luck they’ll get pneumonia and die and I’ll be left with the guilt.

Thankfully I live with all women because more often than not, when I’m not babysitting, I’m parading around in a sport bra and pajama pants, fanning myself.  A truly magnificent sight, no doubt, especially with the beads of sweat running down the small of my back and between the twins.  I am I’m used to getting these in spurts of a week or two every so often over the years, but this time they seem to have moved in and paid advance rent for a while.  I’d love if I could purchase a few packages, say a years supply, of this mini-heatwave to have the karma bus drop off to all my ex-boyfriends and the ex-husbands.

Today is one of the weird weather days in these parts.  Actually seems weird pretty much all over the midwest.  It is January 17th, when we are supposed to have cold and maybe even snow.  Instead we had thunderstorms and it is 55 degrees outside at the moment.  Instead of blizzard or snow storm warnings, we have flood warnings.  Lovely.  It is NOT cooperating with my need to open the window in an effort to reduce the portable sauna I’m carrying around.

I think there is a conspiracy going on to make me retract my year of no relationships.  A few subtle types have tried to weigh things in their favor with “hey, let’s get some dinner, and a few beers sometime and chat”.  Sly devils, they know my weakness for food and adult beverages.  And then there is one known as Sir Lancelot who has pretty much just parked himself and his horse on the one side of the scale, a scale tipping over achiever.  I haven’t figured out how my granddaughter (well soon to be but to me she is already in my heart, why wait til the wedding?) fits into all this but if I didn’t know better I’d swear someone was slipping her payments to help their case. Today in the kitchen, she gave me a hug and the following conversation ensued:

Ryann:  I love you, grandma Marti

Little Red - full of mischief

Me:  I love you too Red.

Ryann:  You need to get married again.

Me:  Why would that be??? (trying  to mask the horrified look on my face, and shear terror at the word “married”)

Ryann:  Because you need a husband.

Me:  Why do I need a husband?????

Ryann:  Well, because you do, and then I’d have another grandpa!

It is tough but I had to tell her it is most unlikely that is on my horizon.  Not on my current agenda in life, and it requires finding Mr. MaybeRightThisTime and that spells heartache and well I don’t even want to go down that road of thought.  The fact that I have had a recurring dream for the 3rd night in the past week, about the ex-hubster and I reconciling and remarrying did not help her case.  In case you are wondering, hell is more likely to freeze over and the Mayans to be correct that December this year marks the end of the world, than me and the ex ever reconciling.  Once I was set free from that cage that I lived in while married, I REFUSE to ever go back inside.  My ex would not have me as I am, the REAL me, so no worries there folks.  He’ll find a much meaker, mild mannered woman to conform to his mold, and maybe one day I will find my white knight that prefers to enjoy this bird as she is, no clips, no cage.

Meanwhile, I’m just fanning myself and enjoying life as a single chick.  The bright pink one in the midst of the pale yellow ones.  Unique, wacky, quirky, sassy, crazy, nut-case and untamable.  The way I like it.  Marriage?? *shudder* Not likely kiddo, not likely.  I’m scared to death of getting in a relationship again.  Not only because I don’t want to have my heart broken but I’m also afraid of hurting someone else.  Why I’m not sure, as no one keeps me so I’m the one left hurting each time.  The very idea of being married again is enough to cause a panic attack of epic proportions and put me in the hospital.

Posted in My Crazy Life

Yawn, Hurl, Yuck…

I am EXHAUSTED.  And sick.  Some how I managed to contract the cold or whatever from hell and lose my voice.  My head is stuffed up, I am lucky to get out enough voice to even be heard, and last night had the pukey stuff to go with it.  This so is NOT what I wanted to be doing.  I wore out completely what little voice I did have by the time I finished work yesterday.  Just after crawling in bed and drifting off to sleep last night I was suddenly wide awake and very very sick.  Without much  detail it is suffice to say that  I never made it out of my room, and owe my sister big time.  I was completely unable to sleep all night between the sour stomach, mega night sweats and not being able to breathe.  I stayed home from work today and slept as much as possible.

The cats seemed to pick up on the fact that I was not well, as they all came and checked on me several times.  Noel was in bright and early this morning and groomed my hair line on my forehead.  That is a big hairy deal as she is anti-social.  Guess they were worried that the food wench (I am the one that typically feeds them both times in the day) might be on her death bed.

Ditzy napping with me

My cat slept at my feet quite often.  Then later, during an afternoon snooze,  little Ditzy kitten came and  napped with me.  She is such a doll.  While the other two will check on you, Ditzy is a cuddler and she wanted to snuggle in for her sick watch over me.  She purred for close to 20 minutes, even as she drifted to sleep, which was flat out adorable.

Posted in My Crazy Life

Hot Sweats & Night Flashes

This getting older stuff and creeping through early menopause is for the freaking birds.  I have about had it with the whole deal and I’m only 47 and this has a LONG way to go.

My mood swings are controlled thanks to the meds I am taking and those are supposed to be assisting with the hot flashes.  If this is what they are like with assistance, holy heffer what would they be like without???  Better living through chemistry I suppose.

The worst part is at night…like last night.  As if it is not bad enough that I’m awake every 55 minutes thanks to the decongestant I am taking, I keep having night sweats!  The day time hot flashes are bad enough but this night time stuff has to end.  I feel like a malfunctioning Easy Bake Oven!  Just stick a cake mix in my arm pit and in 5 minutes you can have freshly baked cupcakes.

Combining this with the cold medication made for some wicked weird dreams last night.  Keebler Elves take me captive and force me to consume cremated remains in my fudge stripe cookies and protein shakes.  Seriously, I have to watch what I read before I go to bed until this cold/allergy attack from hell moves on.  My son had a post on his Facebook status that read:  Would you add a cremated dead guy to your protein shake for $1,000,000?? (Dead serious). At first I thought GROSS, not a chance.  Then I actually started to figure how much is really left of the body after it is cremated and….YUCK what is wrong with me?  Evidently there are a whole lot of desperately broke folks on his friends list because it spawned a lengthy series of comments most in favor of it, like me, but wanting to know how MUCH of said dead and over baked corpse had to be consumed in the shake.  Where the fudge stripe cookies came in from is beyond me.  Perhaps it was the cookie dough ice cream I passed on when I got home, or the Snickers peanut butter candy bars I also bypassed in the kitchen despite craving chocolate and other assorted junk food last night.  When I woke up in a fog I muttered out loud that I had about had it with the hot sweats and night flashes.  Yeah, it’s the drugs.

Anyway I cannot seem to find a happy medium in body temperature.  I’m either freezing to death or over heating.  I’m sitting here writing this with the window open next to me and it is 30 degrees outside.  Which is a heat wave compared to the single digits and negative wind chill temps a few days ago, but really???  We gals get to have ALL the fun in life.

~*~

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Posted in My Crazy Life

A Bowl Of Fruit Loops

Last time I referred to it as walking through the fruit loop garden, but tonight I’m kinda tired and feeling a tad lazy, so we’re just going to sit on the side of the bowl and dangle our feet in.  This is one of those posts full of random thoughts that have zero connection for the most part other than it came from my brain, a confusing and scary place for many when I open up and start sharing.  Get your spoon.

This was an interesting week.  Tuesday the big boss decided work had dropped off enough to shut down our Cincinnati and Dayton offices for winter.   I wasn’t really surprised, I schedule the work and maintain the production board so it was rather evident to me that this was coming.  Still wasn’t a happy moment when I got that call to start tying up the loose ends.   I resisted the urge to panic and instead got online and started mass sending my resume through local job sites and on various hospital career postings.  I  also utilized Facebook and Twitter, and sent a ton of emails to contacts, feeding my information and resume.  Even dug out a business card from a potential a year ago.  Hoping to be working again next week, I CANNOT handle the boredom of being out of a job again, I’ll be crawling on the ceilings in under a month.  Hoping to find something far more long term…as in years.

I am thinking this whole menopause  thing is settling in and that makes me most  unhappy.   I am rolling through the hot flashes and finding them to be quite irritating.  We don’t need the furnace, I can slowly stroll through  the entire  house and keep it warm.   The night sweats are a real treat too.  Power surges? Heck I could light the whole township for an hour at a time with those lovely attacks.  Sometimes being female truly sucks.

Ya me!  I found eye glass chains for my readers/cheaters!  I stopped at a local, family owned Pharmacy and got my flu shot ($20, which is $5-10 cheaper than the big grocery store pharmacies have them) and while there found the chains!  Go ahead, make old lady jokes, I don’t care because now I  know where my glasses are all the time when I need them.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: We interrupt this blog to alert you to the following information:

There are only 50 shopping days until Christmas!!!!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post already in progress….

The neighbor across the street has a shutter that periodically falls off the house.  He gets up there and messes with it and puts it back, then along comes a good wind or thunderstorm, though sometimes for no apparent reason at all, and it falls off the house.  Currently it is back up but I’m  seriously considering taking $1  wagers here in the Princess Palace on when it will fall down again, as many chances as you’d like, and she who comes closest without going past wins.  We sick chicks find the  whole thing very entertaining.

I GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW!  I am easily amused and thrilled by the little things in life.  Sleeping in being one of my guilty pleasures makes me HAPPY!!

So, how DO you solve a problem like Maria?

YIKES! CSI tonight is looking gross!  Well okay it IS gross!!!! But I love watching this stuff.

That nasty, 4 letter word is in the forecast.  I do not care if it is only flurries, it means cold and I really don’t like cold!!!  I’m missing summer so badly, I love warm weather.  Turning on the electric blanket !!

ATTENTION SON AND DAUGHTER – still waiting on your Christmas wish lists.  Really, I want to be done before Black Friday so step it up please!

I  just saw a commercial for baby carrots, using sex to sell them.  Really? Unreal…and frankly a very creative commercial!

Okay, CSI is wrapping up this  neat little murder case, in under an hour as usual. Gotta go see how this ends, it has been very good!

Okay, spoons and feet out of the bowl everyone!