Posted in Wine & Cheese

Wine & Cheese ~ 93rd Serving

wineandcheese2Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Most Wednesdays I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal. If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings. Sit back and join me now for the 93rd serving of some whine and cheese!

 ~*~ ~*~ ~*~


😦  I decided that a flu shot was in order, since it is moving through everyone I know it seems.  My arm hurts!  I rubbed it like they say to do but dang it still painful.

😦  Read, after the fact, that this year’s flu vaccine is only about 50% effective, as they guessed wrong about the strains that would be going around and missed the most prevalent one.  Oh well, 50% is better than none at all.

😦  My favorite pair of jeans are falling apart.  I bought them already slightly loved at the thrift store near by.  It’s my favorite way to buy jeans, already soft and broken in.  But this pair is starting to rip apart and are so well worn that it is going to be time to get new ones.


🙂  The scale is moving D-O-W-N again!  I have a serious goal so that helps.  And I’m taking intentional actions to achieve my goal, like logging every bite that enters my mouth, every ounce of water, every minute of activity and walking distance.  I refuse to give up.

🙂  It’s pretty awesome when you hit the end of your day, and have been so careful to eat right that you have to have a beer in order to hit your minimum calorie range on your SparkPeople account!  That is just breaking my heart!

🙂  I got my roots done and sporting pink in my bangs again this week.  Was purple last time for The Badge as that is his favorite color. So glad I went back to blond.


I thought of my daughter-in-law when I saw this, and so my daughter.


And this is a dose of “awww”, my grand-pup’s first experience with Christmas lights!



Posted in You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

You Just Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

YCMTUTAs you may know, I have this adorable little Yorkie.  Except that she really isn’t so little.  Around 9 or so pounds, which is a bit over weight for her but not much.  She is 11 years old, pushing 12, and she has spent the better part of her entire existence with her nose to the floor in search of food.  She is the most food motivated dog I have ever seen.  I’ve often said if you split open a 25 pound bag of dog food on the floor she’d eat until she split wide open like a bratwurst on the grill.  It’s really kind of pathetic.  Hence she lives with me because isn’t that par for the course with my life?

So, in constantly eating from the floor she not only consumes every crumb she finds but a few stray dust bunnies and some hair now and then.  Gross I know but wait, there is more.  Same dog once ate a $5 bill right from my daughter’s purse.  While standing in the yard with my son he happened to look down and said, “is that money in Penny’s poop??”  and grabbing a stick he sought to answer his question.  Once he realized it was indeed cash, and not just a $1, but a $5 note, he got a plastic baggie, turned it inside out and retrieved the poo covered cash.  He then said if his sister, who was working in a Veterinarian’s office, wasn’t going to clean it up and take it to the bank to exchange it, he would.   I took it to his sister, she did in fact wash, sanitize and then take it to the bank.  Said dog had surgery once to remove toe nail clippings, a bread twist tie, a cigarette butt and a piece of wood that we think was one of those Dent-a-sticks, all in there together thanks to the twist tie blocking her passage from her stomach.  Isn’t she great?

This morning I let the doggie out, stand on the deck while she goes, and notice she seems to be having some issues.  She had squatted, piddled, then found a new place to drop her load, but she was moving about in that position.  As she was scooting around I realized that about 3 inches behind her was a turd, following her.  It was this that she was trying to get rid of, no doubt it had one of my nieces long, bleached blond hairs in it and the other end of the strand was still in the pooch’s tush.  You could not see the strand, only the turd following her around like she had told it to ‘heel’ and being an obedient pet (something this dog knows nothing about mind you), it was sticking to her, nearly literally.  By the time I retrieved a napkin to unleash her new found follower, she had managed to catch it on something and break it’s hold.

You just can’t make this sh*t up.  Well maybe you could but really, why would you?


Posted in Wine & Cheese

Wine & Cheese ~ 88th Serving

wineandcheese2Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal. If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings. Sit back and join me now for the 88th serving of some whine and cheese!

 ~*~ ~*~ ~*~


😦  My legs and backside are killing me!!!  Way too much walking this week so far, and not on flat ground.  I was up and down streets, steps, driveways…all while dragging my old lady style grocery cart behind me full of Avon brochures. OUCH!

😦  The weather has been a reminder that winter is coming.  Autumn temperatures that make for the need to wear long sleeves or a light jacket have taken over.  I’m not happy about it at all.  No leaves really changing color much yet, though plenty are falling already to help reinforce the fact that summer is over. UGH

😦  Still waiting on my unemployment to finish processing.  Until my Avon business gets going I need the money.  Hurry up and…wait.


🙂  Yes the legs are screaming at me but the scale moved down again!  I know that ache only means that things will tone up and the scale will keep moving on downward and that is a very good thing.

🙂  While I do miss my pup going with me, I have to say I move so much faster without her along for the stroll.  I will just have to walk her each day to make up for it.

🙂  I love my Kindle Unlimited subscription.  I had a bunch of books on my Amazon wish list that I realized were on the Unlimited!!!! SO now I get to read them for free and then ‘return’ them when finished and not spend anymore money.  OH life is so good!

🙂  Tonight I am enjoying the Soundscapes music channel and burning the Cucumber & Mint candle from Jewelry In Candles.  It is so relaxing!



Posted in Coffee

Sunday Evening Coffee Musings

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseThis post started out as Sunday Morning coffee musings.  But I just didn’t have time so when I got home from church and had some lunch and a fresh cup of java at my side I started to write.  I was so sleepy that Sunday Afternoon coffee wasn’t happening.  I decided a nice little nap was in order.  4 hours later it had been a Sunday afternoon snooze & snore fest!  I really did need it though so I’m not complaining.  In fact I feel great now.  So, it is Sunday Evening coffee musings.

I really enjoyed that message at church, it was very well done and delivered as always.  It gave me so much to think about this week when it comes to God ordained that we should work, be it at home or in an office, and we should be doing our work to His glory.  It has me thinking a lot!  I also very much enjoy that my children and I are once again attending the same church and hearing the same message.  Most Sundays we go out for lunch afterward which is very nice as well, though today was an exception.  I marvel as I sit there with them, watching them interact with their spouses and children, that it seems like yesterday they were in diapers, and now they are parents themselves.  Life is so short.

What is it with dogs?  You send one outside to go, and said puppy REALLY has to poo.  Do they just get to the yard and go?  NOPE!  They still, despite how badly they need to potty, will search over and over in a pattern, circling over an area as many as 20 times (yes I have counted and sometimes it is over that number) until they find just the right square inch to deposit upon.  Imagine if we did that?  In our house there is a bathroom off of the kitchen at the bottom of the steps going up to the upper level of the house.  At the top of the 6 or 7 steps is another bathroom outside of the 2 bedrooms on the west wing as I call it.  Now, picture a human being running from one bathroom to the other, up and down the stairs, or from west wing to east to the bathroom off the master bedroom, back and forth again and again before deciding which potty was the best, cleanest, smelled prettiest…whatever is is that would decide. Or perhaps in a public restroom, wandering in and out of each empty stall until you find the perfect one?  Heck in today’s society the decision probably comes down to which one has the best wifi reception on a cell phone so you can pass the time reading Facebook or playing Candy Crush Saga.   Odd creatures these canines.

I need to really think through the whole Sunday being a day of rest idea.  Usually I would be working on something for one of my direct sales businesses or my classes I am taking.  I justified it that because I am done raising my kids, and I’m not in a relationship, that I needed to use the time to continue getting things done.  I rarely just sit and read for pleasure, or like today, nap!  REST.  I have had to force myself to not open up homework or the work email, and just enjoy the day of mental and physical down time.  I don’t consider writing a task, this is therapy for me so blogging is okay.

This day is quickly drawing to a close, so it is off to prepare for tomorrow, to take on my job, #workinglikeaboss, and being marvelous.  Jammies and a good book with a hot cup of Chamomile and Valerian root tea to help me sleep soundly through the night.


Posted in Wine & Cheese

Wine & Cheese ~ 75th Serving

wine n cheeseWelcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 75th serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~


😦  It is only November 12th, and we’ve had one snow fall of a half inch or so, and I’m sick of it already.  Yes, it is very pretty.  But it is cold, and I don’t like being cold.  And slick roads are no fun, especially when your car thinks it is going out for a spot in the ice follies.  Spun that sucker around on an over pass, one and a half times so that I was going the wrong way in my lane when I finally stopped.  Yep, that totally trumped my coffee for being on the edge.

😦  Cold means that I need to get my dog a sweater.  If there is one thing I think is totally ridiculous it is a dog wearing sweaters.  However, Yorkies don’t have fur, they have hair, and no under coat.  If you are cold, the dog is also.  So, if we are going to keep walking every day when I get home, she needs to be properly outfitted.  Mittens or booties will not be necessary…at least I hope.

😦  The demon possessed cold on steroids that kicked my butt over the weekend is not letting go entirely.  While I feel great, I still have the sniffles and a bit of a cough.  OH the joy.

😦  Oh the joys of winter, like scraping your car windows.  Not much fun with the arthritis in my hands, OUCH.  Guess that goes with the joys of aging as well.


🙂  Nothing says “gosh I am sure glad I have started nightly walks with the dog” like getting on the scale after 2 weeks and discovering you have shed 7.5 pounds.   And it isn’t even a long route that we take, just 15 minutes but seems to be helping.  Talk about motivation to extend the distance!

🙂  My jeans aren’t so snug anymore!

🙂  Skyler is back to being pure kitten.  If she isn’t trying to sneak out of a room, into a closet, or picking a fight with one of the other cats, she is curled up in my lap.  Love my little fluff ball.

🙂  When I get home this evening there is a wonderful man waiting for me.  And a big slow cooker full of stew for dinner.  I cannot wait!  Great guy, good food, what more could a girl ask for?


One for every woman (and a few men) who hate finding dirty dishes in the sink.


Posted in Tuesday Coffee Chat

Weird & Wonderful – Tuesday Coffee Chat



The Weird:

What is with dogs?  I take the Yorkie out to do her business and as long as she is just peeing it isn’t too difficult, she finds a spot without even bothering to sniff for the most part.  But OH if she needs to drop a little brown bomb, look out.  She will walk a path in about a 2 to 3 square foot area, the same path, over and over and over again.  Soon as she gets to the end of the little design she walked, she does it again.  Some times she will reverse like a toy that has bumped into the wall, and go back over her exact steps, then reverse and do it all again.  Same path.  After several minutes of this, with me coaching her to “focus damn it mommy has to go too”, she finally walks about 2 feet outside of that area, in a straight line, and poops.  It’s as if she was drawing some kind of picture and then walked to the unused corner of the virtual canvas and signed her name with a turd.  I just do NOT understand it.  I have found multiple reasons for dogs doing this online but none stands out as the true answer other than to annoy an owner at 5am who is themselves doing a potty dance in the front yard.  However it is highly discouraged that I squat and go or the neighbors may get upset.  WEIRD!!!!

Speaking of dogs.  I had to leave the Yorkie at home today.  The boss brings his dog to work and she has fleas.  My puppy was fine after being fed and taken outside, then put back in her crate…until she heard me pick up my keys and stuff to leave.  Suddenly she started to whimper and made me feel bad.  It was like dropping my son at daycare or the baby sitter all over again 27 years ago!  I got all weepy too!  WEIRD!!!!

I love a good glass of wine or 3 now and then.  For quite awhile after moving into the Palace with the Knight I didn’t drink.  He doesn’t drink so there were no wine glasses in the house, and I just really didn’t feel much need to have a glass of wine.  I won’t argue as to anyone ever really needing a glass, as believe me in the interest of keeping the body count down I can justify, once in a while, needing  a glass of wine (or 3).  One night a few weeks back I decided I needed wanted a glass so I stopped and picked up a bottle of white zin.  Then I headed on over to Dollar Tree for a nice glass.  I bought the biggest one they had, for only $1.  While I have had wine it in, I’ve noted that even putting in sparking, fruit infused water to sip, seems to have a calming effect.  Same can be said for a diet soda.  It makes me wonder, if it isn’t just the glass?  The shape, the way it feels in my hand..kinda brings out the diva side of me, all sophistication and elegance, total class.  That side of me that will go off to the bathroom, shut the door, and quietly fart all lady-like rather than let it rip nice and loud while watching football.  WEIRD!!!!

The Wonderful:

Yep…you guessed it.  My Knight.  My man is just amazing and I cannot imagine life without him now that I’ve had life with him.  WONDERFUL!!!

1368638_520993701319492_1728425436_nMy wonderful man conceded (without batting an eye) to me bringing home a new kitten.  Originally my thought was til we found a forever home, but the kids and I wanted to keep her.  I actually wanted her from the first time I saw a picture of this adorable, black kitten that appears to have some Persian in her as her fur is long.  She has milk chocolate-colored eyes and is a rescue case.  She was found around a Skyline restaurant so my cousin dubbed her “Skylar”.  She had fleas and tape worm, but has a clean bill of health now from the vet.  She is 3-4 months old and 3 pounds of boundless energy!  The Knight’s mama sent me some great info about how to introduce her into the critterdome at home, so she wouldn’t be scared.  Well it didn’t last long and we had her out.  Pixel and Ditzy checked her out and hissed loudly at her, unimpressed with her cuteness.  Penny, the Yorkie, seems to like her, they rub noses and Penny wags her tail, and Skylar likes to hang near her.  If Penny is in her crate, Skylar lays next to it until we let the dog out.    The big cats, just keep hissing.  I was concerned at first, but seems my kitten is not at all afraid.  If they hiss at her, she bolts and chases after them.  She will chase them all over the house!  If they are laying there and she walks by, she will stop, reach out and touch their tail with her paw.  They turn, hiss and she lunges and they run.  Then she struts around and you can just tell she knows she just won!   It’s a riot.  She is a little bad ass!  WONDERFUL!!!!

Copyright © 2013 – Marvi Marti/Marti Gardner – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Posted in Friday Confessional

Friday Confessional


Really, this week has been one hell of a doozie and I’m SO thankful it is only hours from being done and the weekend upon us.

WHY? you might ask?

Let’s hit the confessional and I’ll share some of the why.

I confess…

Monday should have been the warning.  I have the yorkie on a retractable leash when I take her anywhere outside of the house or office. If I don’t she will bolt after squirrels, birds or whatever else she sees as a threat to my safety.  When I head out the door each morning I have my laptop and purse over my shoulder, my thermal lunch bag, a 64 ounce water bottle and the leash in my right hand, my keys and coffee in my left.  A regular pack mule.  It is also dark when I leave.  I flipped off the hall light inside the door and the front porch light, with my elbow and went out of the door, having already locked the handle.  The dead-bolt automatically locks after about 30 seconds.  I used the pinky of my left hand to pull it shut behind me and started walking off the porch but felt resistance on the leash.  I sighed, pulled at it and said “come on Penny let’s GO”.  Nothing.  I heard her bark and it sounded like she was a mile away.  Turning in the dark looking around I realized that the damn dog is on the other side of the door and the leash is closed IN the door.  I sat my coffee down, right through a spider web (ARGH) so I could fumble with the keys.  Finding the right key by feeling them I am struggling to get it in the door handle and just as I unlock it and start to push, the dead bolt rolls into place.  AHHHHHHHH!!!  SO, I had to locate the center button to push it so the numbers will light up, I enter the combo, dead bolt slides back and I open the door.  As the dog comes out I go to shut the door and drop my keys inside.  I bend over to pick those up and the laptop swings around and smacks the door opening it further.  At this point I’m surprised one of the cats didn’t decide to make a run for it out of the door.

ALL of that should have served as an omen of what the rest of the week held.  Somehow I missed the message between the lines of my “good morning sunshine” start to Monday.

I confess…

While we knew it was never a matter of “if” but more of a “when”, I was not prepared for the text on my phone on Tuesday morning telling me that in the night my dad had fallen and broken a hip.  He has to get around with a walker, can no longer feel his legs from irreversible neuropathy, and he falls frequently, even spraining a knee and ankle just a few weeks ago.  But that was not a happy text.  They did a partial hip replacement Wednesday and he is headed to a nursing home for rehab today.  He’ll be there a while, and in all honestly should stay there.  His quality of life will improve vastly when he has someone else to cook, take care of him, and lots of new friends to make.

I confess…

Stuff I cannot share rose it’s ugly head at 12:30am this morning with more texts about another family member and I’m ready to bang my head on my desk.  I’d like a do-over for the sleep I’ve missed this week, please.

I confess…

Traffic many days has been a real treat.  I hate traffic on 75N in the morning.  OH I wish I could snap my fingers and be where I need to be.

I confess…

I’m puzzled.  When someone posts “I’m sorry my friends have to read this…..” or “I wish I didn’t have to post this…..” and then lash out or share about someone who they have perceived has wronged them, isn’t this drama?  Are they REALLY sorry anyone has to read this? HELL NO!  They wouldn’t post it if it wasn’t a big ploy for attention.  This person is nothing but a bona-fide attention whore!!!  Then days later to post an apology of sorts like they regret the post?  I’m so calling BULLSHIT.  It’s easy to post an apology or to allude to an admission of being wrong once you’ve soaked up all that attention like a sponge.  Attention Whore and drama queen extraordinaire.  If they weren’t such types they’d not post such things to begin with!  At 50+  years old you’d think they’d grow up and get over the elementary school games.  What is sad is all the little folks fawning all over said types like they are SO wronged and poor poor pitiful soul.  PUKE!

I confess…

I am frustrated and in such need of serious snuggle time with my honey.  This week sure didn’t look like it was going to be loaded for bear when it started but under the shadows of the full, harvest moon, it has been unbelievable.  We have hardly seen each other this week except to sleep.



Posted in A Day In The Life

Snakes, Snails, & Puppy Dog Tails

Most folks have heard at some point that little boys are made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails.

Little girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice.  And of course as we age that spice takes over and seasons the everything nice into stuff that often is NOT so nice, strutting around in high heels.  But is another post for another time.

We have a wonderful little Yorkie in the palace, Penny.  She is my daughter’s first dog, who cannot live in harmony with the daughter’s boyfriend’s canine.  This is really not a shocker, as little chubby Penny has a bit of a Princess complex, only it is the negative side of said complex.  Honestly she is a bit of a crotchety old dog, at 10 years and a few months, but only when it comes to other dogs being in ‘her’ pack.  One of the cats, on the other hand, the palace feline princess, is a bully and bosses the dog around.   We have no ‘puppy dog tails’, as it is more of a stump, because they clip Yorkie’s ears and tails.  But for all intents and purposes, in addition to boys who are made up of such lovely stuff, we have the puppy dog tail part covered.

When it comes to snails, yes we have those. Outside.  Where they belong.  Well they are slugs, which my very unscientific brain believes are homeless snails, as in minus a shell.  I nearly stepped on a large, slimy slug one morning last week when I took Penny out to send her first, 5am pee-mail.  I saw it moving on the sidewalk and bent down to see what it was, as without my glasses on in the morning I have to get kind of up close and personal with the world around me to bring it into focus.  So, snails and puppy dog tails.  And a bunch of cat fur that is shed now and then too, throughout the palace.  Thankfully there is this dandy device known as a vacuum cleaner for that issue.

Which brings us to snakes.  There are few things in this world that will cause me to be completely paralyzed with fear, and snakes would be one of those things.  I HATE SNAKES!  I do not care if they don’t bite, aren’t poisonous, and eat rodents.  I HATE SNAKES!!  My son, the cop, who is afraid of tiny tan house spiders, at least will run screaming and naked from the shower if he encounters his 8 legged fear.  When I come across a snake I freeze, cannot move, and if I found one in the shower with me I’d just drop dead of a heart attack, end of story.

At 5am today, Penny was doing her potty dance and adding a slight whimper to it from her crate in our room.  This nixed the idea of “just 10 more minutes” with a touch of the snooze alarm.  Whimpers generally mean “if you don’t get out of that bed, woman, there will be nasty, runny puppy poop to clean up and it will be no one’s fault but your own!”  This I know from the not too distant past (see Over Night Notes To Self for more information).  I got up, got the dog and headed downstairs.  I picked up her leash and she wouldn’t come to me, seemed she was thirsty.  So much for urgency.  When she finally had emptied the water bowl, as the cats looked on with great concern (they always worry no one will refill it), I hooked the leash to her collar and we walked out of the front door.  I did not have my glasses on, so what I first thought I was seeing laying on the sidewalk, was a large stick, or the neighbor’s ivy type plant had grown a rather long off-shoot across the concrete.  I got to the edge of the porch and started to step down, getting up close and personal and HOLY CRAP THAT IS A FREAKING SNAKE!!!!!!  I backed up very fast, to the door.  Penny, is looking at me oddly and trying to go forward.

I am now standing, frozen on the porch, trying to decide what to do.  I could go through the garage and let the dog go out that way, but what if when I move it goes down by the garage door and enters?  ARGH!!!!!!  The dog is starting to pull on the leash, she has business at the other end of the sidewalk and I’m holding up progress.  I’m worried that as she passes over it, the snake is going to whip around and bit the dog.  And of course from the size of the snake  in my imagination, it is going to swallow my poor little Yorkie whole.  But she is pulling harder, so I give her some leash to work with as she heads right toward the monster on the walkway.  I decide that perhaps I am sacrificing the dog, but then it could be fore the greater good.  That of course being that the snake would eat the pup then move on somewhere to hang out for a few weeks while it digests Penny.  I’m sure my daughter could understand that, right?

Penny stopped and sniffed the tail of the snake then stepped over it and kept going.  I gave her all the leash that I could, hoping she would just go in the mulch and come back to the porch, like she does when it is pouring down rain. But NO, she is tugging at it and looking at me like “it’s now or I am dropping this mess on your sidewalk”.  It dawns on me then that the snake had not moved.  So, I bravely, on jello legs lean out and have another look and realize it is just a long skin.  But what if the snake is not done shedding it yet? EEEEEK now what?  I decided I had to get the dog to the other end of the sidewalk so she could send her pee-mail and poo in the grass.  I did a graceful, ballerina style leap over the snake skin, (okay it no doubt looked like a rhino, sporting pink/blue/purple plaid & a pink, Hello Kitty shirt, trying to jump an obstacle)  and then ran down the sidewalk sure it was in hot pursuit.  Puppy did her business and we headed back up the path to the door.  With goosebumps the size of grapes, I timed my next impressive jump so that I was going over the dog and the snake skin, in case the snake was there, the dog would be the closer target.  Sorry, I know, but again, the whole greater good thing, after all the dog cannot cook or do laundry.  I had to save myself!

Before I left for the office I found a long broom stick and went outside to lift the skin off the walkway.  It was at this time that I happened to see just how long (3 ft) this thing was, and the face was looking up at me from the ornamental grasses by the downspout.  It was empty but it sure looked the part, even with my glasses on.

Now, as I end this, let me mention that before I went to bed last night I was reading Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, the part at the end of the TriWizard Tournament.  You know, where he bumps into my ex-husband Lord Voldemort in the grave yard?  And old you-know-who has that big old snake with him, which made my skin crawl thinking about it before I went to sleep.  Before you think this is a figment of my imagination inspired by too much Valerian root in my before bedtime tea, I took a picture of it after I brought the dog inside.


Posted in Time Travel Tuesday

Rerun – Jingle Bell Sunrise Safari

sisters-time-travel-buttonThis post originally published on 5/30/2010.

As part of the Time Travel Tuesday link up, it is the one I am choosing to re-run.  The Knight (my boyfriend), should probably NOT read it as I’ve been moving in and bringing critters with me.  🙂  If you want to link up and re-run a favorite post, click the icon on the right and join in!

Jingle Bell Sunrise Safari

Last night when the Diva’s went to bed,  we  were 5  women, 2 female cats and a female Yorkie.  The kitten and dog slept on my bed with me.   Well more accurately the dog slept on the bed by my left leg, the kitten  slept on my head, her favorite place to snooze.  Since the little Pixel weighs just over one pound that works well for now, but when she tops out several pounds heavier I’m not so  sure  it is going to be feasible.

This morning I woke from a deep slumber to the breeze of the fan gently blowing across the bed from the window, the sounds of little bells and ID tags  jingling,  and a warped episode of Mutual Of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom playing out on me!  The  kitten and the dog were chasing each other, growling and meowing, all around on the bed.  Their little wrestling match was hard to ignore at 7:12am.  I made several attempts to get them to stop and go ‘night night’ but they were  far  too interested in their game.  Just when I thought they had finally given up the fun,  and I was drifting back to sleep, the dog  starts her “hey I need your assistance” grumble at the door.   It sounds  very much like geese honking.  I kept hoping to wake up from what would be a nightmare in a rain forest but  it was all too real.  The dog needed to go outside  before she had no other alternative but to pee  on the floor.  I left the room with her  and  kitten stayed behind.

Mind you, because of the great clay I use in my hair to get that spiky, butt-end of a chicken look on the back of  my head (the whole Kate Gosslin crossed with a soccer mommy style)  I am  sporting gold medal bed head.  I’m looking really fashionable in my light blue and white plaid  jammie shorts and matching blue tank top with sock monkeys covering them (part of the jungle theme today), yesterday’s makeup and mascara smeared around my eyes looking like a demented  raccoon (please do NOT call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, I’d  never go out in public this way).  Naturally one of the neighbors from behind us was walking back down his long,  private driveway from retrieving his newspaper as I creep out on the deck with the killer pup.  Just when I thought I was safe, he had not spotted me,  my dumb dog starts barking at him.  Oh well I  just waved and smiled, hopefully he isn’t scarred for life.  When I came back up to my room after my  lengthy hike out to the back deck with the dog I heard the kitten crying at the top of her tiny lungs, she  was miffed we had left her behind.   I crawled back in bed in the hopes of a few more hours of sleep.  THAT was a joke,  the big cat is now outside of the door trying to open it, the kitten is  pouncing on my head  playing poke out your  peepers with her paws, and the dog is whining to be fed. I gave up and exited the jungle with the ferocious beasts hot on my trail.

First order of business is coffee.  None of the critters are going to starve if they wait 5 minutes but I very well might skin one of them alive without that caffeine jolt to push me back to rational  thought.  I also had not  yet taken my Lexapro and could not be held  responsible for my reaction to their 100mg morning assault. Besides I only take 40mg which was no match for their well planned foray.  I may need to discuss this with my doctor if the sunrise jungle boogie  is going to be on stage for an extended period of time.

Penny, the Yorkmonster, was fed first, the kitten has an endless supply of her dry  food that she already was munching, and then Noel, the big cat, was served some  nasty, fish smelling meal that won her approval.  Score: beasts 1, Marvi Marti 0.  I went back to make the bed and wait for the coffee  to  brew.  Now, I sit here sipping coffee and writing this account of my morning jingle bell safari.  Life in the Princess Palace: S.N.A.F.U.

Posted in A Day In The Life

Happiness Is Finding The Toilet Seat Down

Life in a house with 5 women is never dull and boring.  Chaotic, insane, lively, at times a tad hostile (the teen sisters DO fight at times), but never dull and boring.  I will give you a slice of life in my world yesterday:

My daughter asked me if I would like to puppy sit my oldest granddog, Penny, for the day and over night last night.  I love that dog and miss her a bunch since moving out of the prince’s shack so I always say yes.  She arrived, cute as ever before lunch time with her security froggie (a stuffed toy she is into of late) and food to get us through her visit.  Oh and treats, because Divas spoil their pets.  Now, Penny had some bloating issues yesterday and was “in a mood” as the daughter put it.  Seems my son had friends over to party round the fire pit and pool the night before and while he denies it, the dogs were treated to people food.  This is bad news for me, because I know what the end result is going to be, something similar to what happened when Penny spent the night and ate all the cat food when no one was looking. If you’ve ever had  a dog with a lower GI issue you will appreciate that tale.

During the afternoon, when the gurgling finally gave way to harsh reality for the pooch, I was sound asleep on my bed.  I had struggled hard with insomnia the night before so I was beat.  My sister fortunately had the dog outside and a major, smelly disaster was averted. We ate dinner on the deck  with Penny getting her cable all tangled in chair legs  trying to find food droppings.  I swear if you split a 25 pound bag of food open on the floor, that dog  would eat until she split down the sides and burst open like a bratt on the grill.  When she wasn’t doing that she was on bunny watch,  as if she could catch one.

Living in a house of women has its benefits.  Aside from interesting displays of  hormonal outbursts (all of which are destined for future novels I am writing), are the positives.  You can always find the perfect outfit to wear, someone has something you can use, in your size and color.  Makeup? Never a problem.  With 4 Avon Ladies in the house we have every color under the sun, may we help you?  We have no less than 20 bath gels, shampoos and conditioners in the one shower alone!  What would you like to smell like today? We have you covered, we can fix a sista up!  There are more combs and brushes in this house than silverware.

Near bedtime I was relaxing, hooking a blanket and sipping a glass of wine.  I had just hung up the phone with The Count (have I mentioned I’m totally in love? Dating Diary update later today) when I heard what sounded like a bird hit my screen outside of my window.  Penny? Na she doesn’t even lift her head, some guard dog she is turning out to be this time.  Usually she barks at every noise she hears.  I looked out of the blinds and my brother’s car is in the driveway.  About that time voices reach us and Penny is out of my room running to see what is up.  She never did bark.  Not until later after he and mom visited and he was going downstairs, then she barks at him.  Nice, glad he wasn’t an intruder, bit delayed on the alert system.

When I went to bed last night I knew that I would likely have to get up with the dog, that last episode is still deeply ingrained in my mind.  Sure enough, around 3am she went from being curled up against my leg, to up against my chest, nose to nose, grunting and whining.  There was definite urgency in her communication, I wasn’t ignoring this the risk was too great.  I got right out of bed and when I opened my door she was all the way downstairs and at the back door before I could get to the end of the hallway.

I opened the sliding screen door and noticed a silhouette of a very odd looking bug on the glass of the sliding door…naturally on the inside.  And it was big.  I am night blind so that is about all the detail I  could make out..big, weird shaped and on the inside.  Oh swell.  I closed the screen door and went and got a paper towel.  The draw back of no men in the house is that sooner or later we have to kill creepy crawly things ourselves.  I am usually the one that does this and more times than I care to count it is with my fist as there is nothing handy in a hurry to use to squash the little @#$%^&* !  Thankfully, with cats around, it doesn’t happen often.  A bug is a toy to a cat.

I found the paper towels via the bright light given off by the microwave oven clock, and the light shining in the window from the deck.  I should mention that on top of being night blind, I am terrified of the dark.  Not sure what happened to all the night lights around this place but it is damn dark  down here  in the kitchen, and the family room is like the black hole.  I’m less than thrilled about all this as I go to kill the bug.  Slide open screen, crunch and squish.  YUCK, my skin is crawling.  I put the dog outside on her cable and wait.  I have the light off on the back porch to avoid drawing any other multi-legged flying or crawling things to the door.  Now I am hear something moving in the grass in the yard, moving toward the woods.  Most likely a deer but I’m down here and my gun is up in my room, so knowing my luck it would be the boogie man.

Finally the dog is done purging whatever my son fed her, and we go inside.  I give her a treat, because that is what I do when she alerts me to the need to be outside, NOW, and not on my bedroom floor.  Now I need to use the bathroom.  If you live with males you know that the odds are always good that if you sit down on the toilet in the dark, you are in for a wet, cold surprise….the seat will not be down.  I smiled to myself there in the dark, no such rude, late night surprises when you live with all women!  🙂

Me and pupperdoo made our way back to bed.  I love that she is a snuggler, but my cat is not impressed.  She stayed away for the night opting to sleep with the other cats rather than in with me and the dog.  I woke at 6am to the alarm clock, followed by smelly pup (dear daughter, this dog NEEDS a bath) up in my nose again whining.

Between letting the dog out, feeding little people breakfast, trying to feed cats and keep the dog out of their food, I have yet to have an entire, hot  cup of coffee.  BUT the toilet seat…is still down!

I love my life 🙂