Wine & Cheese: 1st Serving 2018

wineandcheese2Some Wednesdays I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal. If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just search past postings. Sit back and join me now for a serving of some whine and cheese!

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 WINE WHINE

😦 I know, it has been months since I blogged. Life. It happens.

😦 Mom is on the decline, I probably see it more than the rest of the Diva Den because I don’t see her for a few days sometimes when I’m doing double shifts. And others see it when the come over and haven’t seen her in a few weeks. 😦

😦 Winter is here and it has been so dang cold! And snow…OH I really do not like it one bit outside of being pretty to look at as it is coming down and then it just plan sucks.

 

CHEESE

🙂 Mom may be declining but here we are in January, 6 months past when we were told 2-4 weeks left to live. WOW. We had 2 Christmas celebrations, one in July and then she made it to Christmas anyway! She is one tough cookie. She is going to lose this battle, we know that, but we rejoice that she is still here!

🙂 Nearly a year into this job and I love it still just as much as the first day! Okay MORE than I did when I started. These sweet souls with whole hearts and broken brains are so amazing with what they can do, and how they make me smile, challenge my reserves when I cannot find a ‘tool’ in my belt to redirect or comfort them…I’m growing as a person thanks to them.

🙂 I have new air plants! I killed the last 3, I forgot for long stretches to dunk them in water for 20 minutes and those little things dried up. But I have 3 new ones. I have already neglected these too (face palm) but I’m trying!

🙂 Not sure what rock I was living under but I’ve only recently learned of bullet journaling and OMGoodness I LOVE it!!! Maybe my air plants stand a chance of survival after all now that my life is becoming more organized. More on this topic in a later post, which will happen thanks to this new way of being organized.

🙂 I have new jammies. I got a nice, warm, fuzzy set from my sister for Christmas and that prompted me to watch for after Christmas sales. Got a nice, $40 pair for $15 on sale and with some Kohl’s cash. I now have 2 pair and I’m in heaven. Go me!

DESSERT

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Monday Morning Coffee Musings

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseHAPPY MONDAY & NATIONAL COFFEE DAY!

What a great day, the day we can celebrate whoever the brilliant soul was who figured out coffee beans, when ground up and mixed with hot water made the most wonderful of beverages known to man!  I’m enjoying mine as I write!

I have NO idea what happened the other day, but my blog readers exploded!  Over 900 views in one day, and over 500 the next, most all to the post about Persimmon seeds predicting winter.  Who knew?  I’ve also heard of some folklore associated with the number of fogs in Autumn determining snow for the winter but I’m still researching that one.

Can I ask you to help a blogger out?  Shameless self promotion here:  Today and tomorrow (thru midnight 9/30/14) any size order ships free on my Avon site.  I could really use some online customer action right now as I am trying to build this business up to make me some money.  Currently it is paying for things I need and use like makeup and shampoo etc, but I’m not making any money.  You could help with that by not only purchasing something (anything) but sharing my site and the coupon code for free shipping on any order that is placed before midnight 9/30/14 (code is:  SHIP2YOU)  So, now is the time, even if all you wish to purchase is a lipstick or pair of earrings, every little bit goes a long way to help me!  http://www.marvelouswithmarti.com

Okay where was I before I hijacked my post?  Oh yes, winter. Brrrrr!  Not a fan of driving in the snow, or being cold, but I will say that the snow is gorgeous and part of me still reacts like a child when I see it coming down in huge, quarter size flakes.  I can’t help it, that part is awesome.  Everything following from shoveling to attempting to get to a destination without being tow truck fodder is just no fun.

This weekend brought sadness to my family.  A very wonderful young man of 33 passed away suddenly, leaving behind a widow and 3 children.  He and his wife just celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary last week, and the baby is only 5 months old.  His other children are from a previous marriage/relationship.  He was a police officer, was in my son’s wedding, and his wife is just one of the sweetest people you could meet.  It was a tragic reminder that life is so precious and short, and you can take nothing for granted.  Hug your loved ones and pray for his family please.  If you would like to donate to help his widow, you can at: http://www.gofundme.com/f552sk

Speaking of which, that was the highlight of the week, my new grandson’s arrival into this world.  He is just precious beyond words, like his siblings.  I just love seeing new life come into the world, it is a great reminder that life is full of wonderful miracles and blessings.  The landscape of life changes so quickly, next year it will look so different than it does now.  It is vastly different than this time last year, a reminder of how much and fast things will change.  Embrace it all, feel it all, learn from it all.

Off to get the mail, and get down to the tagging and bagging of several hundred brochures in the hopes of finding new customers this week.

Have a fantastic day!

Day 10 → Someone I Need To Let Go, Or Wish I Didn’t Know

30 Days of Truth

Day 10 – Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn’t Know

I’ve been thinking on this post for well over a week now, trying to determine if I have a ‘need to let go’ issue or a ‘wish I didn’t know’ issue.  I am really a firm believer that everyone that comes and goes in our lives is there, however briefly, for a reason.  We may not see it or understand until long after we can look back, if there ever is an enlightening time, but everyone serves a purpose.  Garth Brooks wrote a great song, The Dance, that often over many years, rings true to me again and again.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I the king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss the dance

During the course of this year I have often thought about those words as I have worked through the pain of my divorce.  23 years is a long time, in fact fully one half of my life.  I spent one half of my life married to the man that was Prince Charming to me.  My love for him is still there, I doubt it will ever not be the case.  I loved him unconditionally, staying even when he gave me reason to file for a divorce, and other times when it just got so hard and so painful to be married to him through his 17 surgeries and the asshole he was throughout, because I loved him that much.  I believed in him and he was the center of my world.  The hardest thing to face for me was that my love and devotion was one sided, that only one of us really meant “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part”.

I’ve never not taken ownership of the issues that I myself had, once I was able to see them.  With medical help I was diagnosed with what is a simple chemical imbalance and medicate that problem with a great, antipsychotic drug that balances out the serotonin.  It took missing my meds for 2 days for me to SEE for myself just how that imbalance was impacting my emotions, taking them to the extremes.  It is too late to do anything about the past, but for the future I am able to be ‘normal’.  In that two day span I saw crystal clear what I must have been like, not all of the time, but on those occasions when for whatever reason I’d be off balance and hit overload.  I’ve also began to seriously wonder if I wasn’t ADD as well, as I’d obsess about things at times, which I also no longer do to such abnormal extremes.

Over the past few weeks I’ve regretted the way things ended between me and hubby.  Oh I joke around here and there now calling him Lord Voldemort, He who shall not be named, and of late Grumpy Dwarf.  But it is now in fun, not out of a mean spirit.  I never really had a malicious intent toward him, just a lot of raw pain I struggled to over come.  I won’t say my heart is healed, as it is not.  My intentions for 23 years were always to make him happy, and to love him no matter what.  It was hard to be tossed out of his life and see him move on so fast to something or someone else, whatever the case may be.  By the time he told me he wanted out, he was already ‘moving on’ with his life, I was just facing it for the first time.  His present, of being a single man and going out and being free of me, was still my future.  His mind and heart had left me behind and started new, while mine was just standing up after the storm, chest deep in debris from the shock and realization that it was over.  Throughout these past months he has turned completely away, blocked me from contacting him and even has a very angry, hateful attitude toward me.  He never was able to understand why I was so upset and angry at him throughout the months prior to our divorce, he never grasped that he was months, even years (according to him) ahead of me in the acceptance phase.  I don’t know exactly how he expected me to react, maybe he thought I’d be sending him flowers and wishing him well, when instead I lashed out at times in hurt.  I made threats at times regarding the house and other parts of the divorce settlement, but never carried through on them.  When the time came I kept my word, signed the papers, and walked away.  All in all I think I handled things very well for someone that was so deeply in love and so devoted, after being handed my heart in a thousand pieces and rejected.

I’ll forever regret that things did not turn out the way I had dreamed, that we’d grow old together.  I regret that loving him with everything in me was not enough.  I regret that while I was very much in love and happy, he was not.  I also regret that he is angry and not willing to even attempt to be civil for the sake of our kids.  I do not regret that for 23 years I was able to share my life with my Prince Charming, to be his lover, to find my strength in him, to turn to him when I needed reassurance or help, or find security when I was afraid.  I will always have a spot in my heart for him.

Recently someone asked me to really think hard, IF Pete ever wanted to put things back together again, would I be willing to try.  I thought on that, a long time.  Even with the help of the medication to bring me in line, even though I love him still and always will, the answer is no.  It is him that I need/needed to let go.  I knew when I came up on this topic that my friend’s question was in perfect timing. And I went through a mental and emotional process over the past week of doing just that, letting ‘him’ go.

I also came to the realization that in time, I MIGHT allow myself to love someone like that again.  But it will be slow in coming about.  I deserve someone that will love me with the same intensity that I love, that will love unconditionally, that will see me as a blessing in their life, and see how fortunate they are to have me.  Just the way I felt about Pete, I deserved that in return.  Next time, IF there is a next time, I will not stay in a relationship with anyone that does not match me in opening up their heart and soul to me, the way I did for Pete, the way he never was able to for me.  We all bring baggage along in life, and that is fine.  But don’t hide it, put it out there so we both know what we are getting into.  Talk, share, and be open about what is tolerable and not tolerable.  But if you want to take my love, you better be giving just as much back and giving first, or it won’t be yours to have.

So..it is Pete, Lord Voldemort, He who shall not be named, Grumpy Dwarf etc, that I need to let go.  There is the door, good luck and don’t let it hit  you in your cute, tiny little ass.

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