Monday Memos – OOPS My Bad

Monday MemosDear Self,

Perhaps you need to take a deep breath in and RELAX!  You obviously lost your sense of humor gene somewhere.  He was kidding, but you know on texts it IS hard to tell.  But it’s all okay now and gosh he really DOES seem like a nice guy.  Time will tell.  Meanwhile, ease up on the poor guy and calm down some.

Really girlfriend, what would make you even give someone the time of day who was critical of everything you like?

  • Your community
  • Your hobbies
  • Your favorite TV shows
  • Your job preferences
  • Your nickname
  • Your faith
  • Your faith practices like tithing & abstaining from sex outside of marriage
  • Your sleeping habits
  • Pretty much everything about you they learned.

Were you really shocked that someone like that would tell you that THEIR goal for you was to shed 35 pounds and be bikini ready 7 months from now? Oh and change your hair back to blond.

If said person, we shall refer to this one as The Badge,  was really intrigued with you, as stated, then they would not wish to change anything, but rather would be drawn to know more about you, what makes you tick, who you are, but not try to change you.  Then they aren’t intrigued, they are controlling, manipulative assholes and you don’t need another one of those in your life. Ever. Again.

INTRIGUED:
verb

1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate

That doesn’t say anything about you being a menu that has substitutions available or made to order Barbie Doll.

And to think I thought firefighters born under the sign of Aquarius were the worst of the swine.

THIS is why I don’t date anymore.

Sincerely,

Your Inner Goddess

~*~

Dear Self,

Excellent choice of therapy, going and watching the planes land for a bit, then a ride on the ferry.  The Happy Meal was pretty cool too.  Next time stop and buy bubbles and we can go talk to Fred while we blow bubbles in the cemetery.

Hugs,

Your Inner Child

~*~

Dear Self,

You’re still f*cking perfect, you just need to take a step back from the edge of the cliff.  Sir Lancelot used to tell you that often, he is right.  Hey, Badge, I’m sorry, and glad we talked it all out Tuesday night into the wee hours of Wednesday morning.  Duct tape to the mouth and hands probably would be a good idea.  NO not for that!  Mind out of gutter!  It’s to keep me from running my mouth until I get the whole story, and to tape my hands to the desk so I don’t go off on the keyboard for at least 24 hours.  Told you that you were in for a wild ride.

Remember, there have been some good guys among the dirt bags.  Super Hero told you not to lose weight, he liked your curves and didn’t want a stick.  He liked you just the way you were.  Teddy Bear as well, thinks you are pretty special.  The Biker went as far as to call your curvy self exquisite.  There are others out there who would love you just as you are and it is definitely The Badge’s loss. So don’t let your self esteem take a hit over this, remove the negativity from your social media and move on.  You’re f*cking perfect, don’t forget it.

Sincerely,

Your Inner Amazing, Marvelous Self

~*~

Dear Badge,

Take a hike, you are not even close to worthy of me across the river, let’s have a beer.  🙂

Sincerely,

The Marvelous One

 

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Baby Steps

428502_409581465815733_728306446_nI’ve been super confused of late about relationships, dating, and what my heart can take/not take.  Last Saturday I spent the entire day with Teddy Bear, talking very openly about our lives, our experiences, and taking turns asking probing questions that sparked all manner of great conversations and memories.  Later, after a fun day of driving the countryside of Indiana, through an adorable small town, lunch and dinner at new places for me, and touring an art museum (where I discovered I’ve really grown up as I LOVED it), I was laying in bed contemplating some of the conversations.

All day long my inner child and my heart took turns peeking around the barriers while trying to stay hidden.  But maybe not all that hidden?  I was told that despite thinking I have my heart locked up tight where it cannot be broken, that it shines through in my eyes and smile.  I began wondering if maybe I am just over thinking things and need to just let it out to wander again.  After all, with love comes heart ache, they seem to go hand in hand.  I see it as a mom when I dearly love my kids but my heart suffers with theirs when they are hurting.  You cannot love without pain being involved at times.

So I started to think just maybe it is time to remove the barriers and let my heart out completely.  Stop hiding behind the heartaches that have healed long ago and explore the possibility of finding potential forever love again.  It means I have to take chances, risk getting hurt in order to find love.

I’ve reached the conclusion that one day, my heart can and will find someone that I can love completely, like I did the ex.  But I have to be open to exploring those potential loves.

It is with baby steps that I’m shedding the walls and unlocking the gate to my heart’s garden.  Time to see where my heart takes me.

 

Day 17 ~ 30 Days Of Thankfulness 2012

I am thankful for my freedom.  As in being single.

I know that will strike many as rather odd, considering how shattered I was when my marriage ended.

Being single, I’ve learned a lot more about myself than I knew before.  With me being the only primary responsibility and priority, I have had a chance for much reflection on who, what, where, when, why and how regarding myself.  I’ve discovered things about me that I’d totally forgotten.  I can be whoever or whatever pleases me at the moment and don’t have to sleep with or really care one bit about what those who are critical of my choices have to say about it.  I can take risks, explore, etc. the world around me and myself in MY time and do it all my way.  And I can fail at anything and not be criticized by anyone that matters to me.

I know it may sound selfish, but I don’t mean it too.  I think it is very important that we stay in touch with our true, inner self.  Often in a relationship of any great length, we let go of our inner self in order to hang on to the other person, sacrificing who we are to make another happy.  There is much maturity and self awareness that doesn’t usually come along until we have some living under our belts and sadly, most of us don’t have it when we marry young, as I did.  Relationships should be a blending of two people without either giving up who they are or parts of who they are, in order to make things work.  Compromise is fine, but not Photoshopping ourselves.  No one is worth  our priceless self that does not willingly accept what they view as our imperfections.  You want my best, you have to take the worst too.  I’m not a menu.

When the day comes that I get married again, my mate will be getting a far better person than the previous one had.  I know who I am now, and I’m not willing to negotiate me any longer.  And that, for the sake of both parties, will actually be a far better relationship arrangement than I was in before.  It is why more and more I think toward an arranged marriage, not one of someone else establishing for me, but me and the next significant other arranging based first on common sense, logic and reason, then attraction, and then let the love grow from the friendship and fondness.  Frankly I think it will have more staying power.

I’m thankful for the freedom that helped me find me.

Jealousy Is Indeed A Disease

Having been on the receiving end of bullying growing up, I have a soft spot for those who must endure other’s senseless ridicule.  What is very sad is when a poor choice in life by someone, not thinking in the long term, becomes fodder for the bullies who just cannot let it go, and that person becomes so upset that they take their own life.  This was the case with a truly beautiful young lady from our area.  She made a poor choice to send a naked photo of herself to a boyfriend.  Before long that photo was everywhere.  I’m not certain of the details as to how the photo(s) made their way around, but if I had to guess I’d say a jealous girlfriend of the boy? Who knows, the point is that to take those photos and circulate them like that, in my opinion, makes the one circulating them partially guilty in her life ending.

My beautiful daughter

It is particularly sad to me because when the story broke, I noticed that the young lady looked a lot like my baby girl.  I’ll let you decide that for yourself.  Similar hair style, color and beautiful smile, just an all around pretty young lady.  Such a tragic loss of a young life because of the black hearted, evil spirited individuals I can only imagine were jealous of her.

My daughter is beautiful, both outside and inside.  She is one of the most giving, kind hearted people I have ever known.  She has such a gentle spirit and would do anything for anyone in need.  My baby girl has had her share of bullying over the years, it happens to pretty people.  Especially those with soft hearts.  Jealousy is one wicked, ugly disease.

What strikes me as even sadder about this situation is that my daughter has been bullied and stalked by a girl who became enraged when my daughter began seeing a guy who told her he was single.  It depends if you listen to him or the girl stalking my daughter, the boy’s ex-girlfriend, as to his attachment status at the time.  The attacks came hard and heavy after it was found out my daughter was seeing him.  And yes sleeping with him.  She is an adult, he is an adult, it was a mutual choice.  The ex even went so far as to make slanderous statements that my daughter was a whore and contracted HPV from the young man, supposedly that he received as a lovely gift from the former girlfriend.  After extensive testing, my daughter’s doctor informed her that no, she herself does not have HPV, nor has she ever had it.  Seems you have antibodies in your system if you did.  For the past year she has endured tests periodically to confirm this.

At first I felt bad for the young woman (this is not one I can call a lady by any stretch of the word and you’ll understand why here shortly), to not only have this disease but to have had this young man cheat on her, if that is in fact what he did.  He says no, she says yes. He claimed she was a psycho, and based on her behavior I’d have to say that is the case.  She was supposedly disowned by her own father for a while, because being the victim of bullying herself, she went off the deep end and landed in a pysch ward somewhere.  But I have stopped feeling bad for her because it has been a year since my daughter was with this young man, and this girl just cannot leave her be.  Constant veiled and not so veiled references on twitter, following her and I on Pinterest, and making continued unkind remarks whenever it seems she gets bored.

Recently a nude photo of my daughter, taken in a moment where she  herself lacked clear judgement, has made its way around.  We now know how, as not everyone this young ex-girlfriend turned stalker thinks is her  friend is really such.  In fact they were so appalled that after losing someone to suicide for such an act, that my daughter’s bullying stalker  herself would go and do such a thing.  We’ve learned that texts and images in texts are like anything on the Internet and in cyberspace, they carry digital fingerprints that make them easily traced back to their origins.  We’ve given very serious thought to legal action, as it seems to be the only way to get this person to stop.  Ignoring  her only fuels her fire, as does taking return shots at her.  For a while my daughter even removed herself from Facebook and Twitter, only to have this girl’s friends begin texting and calling her.  My guess is she is still in serious need of psychiatric assistance.

Yes, in case you haven’t figure it out, this girl, the bully, seems she was friends with the young lady from the article.  She  lost a friend because bullies couldn’t leave her alone and then circulated nude photos.  And yet, there she is doing exactly the same thing!  What a horrible way to honor a friend’s memory when their life ended in such tragic means.  I am betting the deceased girl’s parents would be so proud of their daughter’s friend.  Frankly it makes me sick to think she could suffer the loss of someone and have such an evil, black heart as to repeat what took her friend, on someone else.  Oh yes, jealousy IS indeed a disease, it eats the heart and soul.

My daughter will be the first to admit, she is a Christian, but a work in progress.  She has made mistakes, but then haven’t we all?  But she continues to follow the Lord and try hard to be the person she knows she should be.  When we talked tonight while she visited, we talked about how sad it is that this girl could lose a friend that way, then turn around and do the same thing.  That anyone’s soul could be so empty and evil, so full of bitterness and unkindness.  And then my baby girl reminded me that we need to just pray for this young woman, as God has said:

Matthew 5:43-48
Love Your Enemies ] “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

So, I have agreed with her, that while we are still uncertain about moving forward on pressing  charges, we will indeed pray for this girl.  And certainly I would ask my readers that are believers to also keep her in your prayers.  And from this point forward we won’t mention her again, here or on twitter, no tweets or posts even remotely aimed her way, and we will hope that in time she will move on with her life to better pursuits than attacking others, and that God will change her bitterness to happiness and joy in her life.

Living And Loving Plan B

Recently, while browsing the hospital gift shop, my sister found this birthday card that had a piece in it called, “Life Is All About How You Handle Plan B”, by Suzy Toronto.  We both loved it.  Next to the cards we discovered calenders for 2013 with a different piece for each month, like “Never Under Estimate The Power Of A Hissy Fit”.  We both bought one of the calenders, we plan to frame each piece because they are fantastic.  We also plan to read the book, The Sacred Sisterhood Of Wonderful Wacky Women”.

The piece is too good not to share:

Life is All About How you Handle Plan B
Plan A is always my first choice.
You know, the one where
Everything works out to be
Happily ever-after.
But more often than not,
I find myself dealing with
The upside-down, inside-out version —
Where nothing goes as it should.
It’s at this point that the real
Test of my character comes in..
Do I sink, or do I swim?
Do I wallow in self pity and play the victim,
Or simply shift gears
And make the best of the situation?
The choice is all mine…
Life is all about how you handle Plan B.

It got me thinking about my life and how pretty much it is a series of plan B.  And we never planned for Plan B, it comes with it’s own charted and uncharted waters.

Plan A was just get through high school and stay under the radar. Plan B, I ended up pregnant and gave the  baby up for adoption.

Plan A, I got married with Cinderella dreams and it ended in divorce a few years later and Plan B was I found myself a single mom.

Plan A, I got married again, this time with somewhat more realistic dreams to the man I called my Hero, but later found out I spent 22 years married to a man who had never wanted to marry me in the first place (his words not mine) and the  last few years living what I felt were our best years, while listening to him daily lie to me about his love for me.  Plan B became single again in my late 40’s and a sincere lack of trust for much of anything that any man will now tell me as far as how he feels about me.  To say my views of the male side of the species is jaded would be spot on.

I could delve into a lot of other examples but those are the primary ones that come to mind.  It sucks when Plan B pops up, at least initially. However, if life is all about how you handle Plan B…well honestly over all I think I’ve done well.  Oh I didn’t always just accept it with arms open wide, and sometimes fought against it a bit, but eventually I came to realize that Plan B can have a lot more to offer.

When the current Plan B first began, I spent some time wallowing in self pity and honestly I don’t feel I played the victim, I WAS the victim.  And I jumped into far too many relationships really fast looking for a balm for my wounded heart.   But I started to embrace being single and now I see the benefits.  Trouble was then along came the Biker and now I am stuck at a fork in the road with entirely too many paths to choose from.  And I’m not sure that I’m ready to ever again be Mrs. __________ (fill in last name of whichever man is vying for my hand).

I’m currently living the Plan B dream of sorts.  No, not making the kind of money I WILL be making (trust me I will). But I’m working for myself.  I get up when I feel like it, go to bed when I want too.  I have FREEDOM.  I dyed my spiky locks auburn for a while, now they are bleach, skanky blond.  I am saving for some new tattoos (having ink envy big time looking at my daughter’s gorgeous, latest tattoo that wraps around her body).  If I want to walk around in the morning with bed-head, scratching my butt, farting and then pee in the shower, I have no one to worry about offending with the unladylike behavior.   I’m finding it difficult to nurture a relationship along when I am the only person I really feel the desire to nurture.  I’ve been told I’m selfish and self centered for  my “life is all about ME” attitude right now, and for not being able to give my whole heart to another, because I am still mourning the loss of the man who truly was my Hero.  Well then I suppose I can carry that label too.  Because right now, that is Plan B – ME!

I’m re-examining my faith and getting back into my Bible study and finding a church home.  Not one I can go to with someone else as a couple.  Some where to go ALONE.  I don’t want to be “Marti & _____” when I go there.

I am building my business and have taken on another that has even greater earning potential to have me sitting very comfy in a short time financially.  Those take up a lot of time right now and I LOVE what I am doing.

I want to be free to enjoy the friendship I have with several male buddies.  Not booty buddies, they are FRIENDS.  One is a former lover (Mr. Wonderful) but our friendship stayed very much intact and his wisdom offers a sweet balance to my ADD and OCD ways at times.  I want that freedom to go enjoy a drink and help him mend his relationships, share about my faith walk etc. with him.  But that causes waves in my relationship with the Biker.

Marriage is off the table with the Biker and every other man, and not sure it will ever be served as an option again.  Marriage  honestly isn’t a side dish I want with my meal of life with any man at this point.  I’m not at a place where I want to deal with “why haven’t I heard from you yet today” when I wake up and don’t text a good morning until it is now “good afternoon”.  I don’t want to cause waves in the relationship ocean because I went and saw a movie, or checked out a band, or had a drink with an old male friend who I may or may not have slept with at some dot on my timeline of life.  I’m just not happy being tied down, my spirit wants to soar the skies right now.

I’m not seeking other options or wanting to keep my options open.  The only option I want is to explore Plan B MY way, in MY time, on MY terms.  I get that it is not what the man in my life wants right now, but we are not at the same place with wanting a relationship.  And if that is selfish, so be it. Then I guess I am self centered.  When one is independently owned and operated, it IS all about ME!

The Dating Diaries ~ Prerequisites

Now yes, I have taken this year off and shelved dating for 2012, but I shelved my nails too and those are back.  But I’m not in any rush to un-shelve the whole dating fiasco, still working on ME.  However it doesn’t mean that I cannot be mapping the necessary requirements for consideration when the time comes to submit one’s dating resume.  Right?

 

Shortly after my divorce was final, I had posted 10 Qualifications For A Frog Prince With Benefits, mostly in fun, as I was NOT really seeking anyone, and figured if I did anything it would be a friend with benefits.  Fate showed me once again that it is impossible for men and women to be just friends if it is just the two of them and not couple to couple friends, because over time attraction will grow. And then things happen.  But looking back the qualifications, should I ever decide to come out of dating retirement, would apply for a REAL relationship:

QUALIFICATIONS FOR FROG PRINCE WITH BENEFITS A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

  1. Transportation: Having a car is a must for a FPWB – a Princess doesn’t use public transportation.  She also does not ‘pick up’ the Prince, that is his job.  The Princess is supposed to grace the passenger seat of the carriage of the Prince with her beauty.
  2. Motorcycle: Should the FPWB also happen to own a motorcycle, he gains instant bonus points, as the Princess loves the position of fender fluff behind her Prince, wrapped around him.
  3. Fashion sense: is a must!  Men in midriff tops is NEVER acceptable!  Know what to wear and when to wear it! If you are in danger of friends/family calling in Stacy and Clayton from TLC’s What Not To Wear, don’t bother applying.
  4. Football Fan: You must be a football fan, as the Princess loves football! Bengals fans get highest marks, Colts behind them.  Ravens and Browns fans will be judged on a case by case basis, Steelers fans need not bother applying, it is grounds for REJECTION OF APPLICATION on the spot!
  5. Hygiene: Learn about it! Brush your teeth, shower and use soap and water, trim the tree and shave the jewels, and for the love of St. Peter if you can clearly shave numbers in your back hair, get a waxing! (hairy chests on the other hand are MORE than acceptable!
  6. Playful: A guy in touch with his inner child, that can have FUN with a little water fight with the hose, snowball fights, some friendly wrestling over the TV remote (you must, of course, throw the match as Princess must always win).  Princess is playful and possesses a sense of humor.  If you lack these qualities, hop over to someone else’s pond please or contact your Fairy Godmother for assistance.
  7. FOOD SENSE: Chips and dip does not qualify as tailgate or picnic food.  Princess likes both of those activities and expects you will have enough brains to know what to bring or how to use Google if not!  Her first and favorite test is a picnic in the park of her choosing to get to know you, what you pack for her to enjoy will tell her a lot about you! (this includes accessories needed for said adventure)
  8. Time Management: Princess is a very busy lady, her schedule books in advance.  While you may get lucky with last minute arrangements, it is best to book her time well ahead of the event.  Oh, and she frowns on cancellations and no shows, so don’t do it unless you want off the A-List.
  9. Cyber Savvy Flirt: The Princess likes a man who knows how to get her attention with a text or an email now and then, after all, she believes the world revolves around her. Oh wait, in HER universe it does, get used to it.
  10. NO Limp Shrimp!: Princess enjoys sex.  In fact that is the benefit side of this arrangement.  She couldn’t care less if you get your trout stout with or without a little blue pill, just make sure your one eyed dragon is alive and in the game when she is ready.

I also will want information on any applicant’s astrological sign.  If you have been following me for any length of time, you know that there are just certain guys that will never have a snow balls chance in hell.  I didn’t heed the compatibility stuff with The Count, and learned my lesson once again.  NO one born under the signs of Aquarius, Scorpio, or Leo need apply.  It is NOT going to happen. Period. End. Of. Discussion.

Another pre-req will be the out come of the 41Q Personality test.  Maybe.  Just humor me okay?  If you take the test and are interested, comment and use the 8 digit number it gives you at the end of the profile and I’ll post our compatibility results. Below is the screen shot of mine, without the number (no cheating!).  🙂  It’s just for fun because I get asked so much when I’m going back on the market.  Not sure anyone can handle me, but would be curious to see.

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

~*~

Mid-Week Odds And Ends

It is hump day.  My brain is all over the place.  Probably because the pressure is mounting.

I have my dress for the wedding, but not my shoes yet.  I have NO idea what shoes to wear!  I will worry about those Friday.  Maybe. I hope.

And then there is the rehearsal dinner, which is tomorrow night.  I still need to find something to wear to that! ARGH!  Headed out after dinner in search of something.  Gotta love my last minute approach.

*Note to Melissa: I WILL have shoes don’t worry, promise not show up at your wedding in my bare feet. No guarantee how long the shoes will remain on at the reception.  Mother-of-the-groom or not, I just HATE shoes!*

Today I went and had my nails put back on.  You’ll recall that in December last year I boxed those up and shelved them along with my highlights.   Soon after that I dyed my hair cherry-cola (far cheaper than the salon highlights!).  With the wedding this weekend, mama needed to have her nails done again, so today I am sporting claws!  I missed them SO much, but now I’m trying to get used to typing with them again. Ugh.  Then I will get used them again and not be able to function without them.   Frankly I missed them when I wear rings, as I feel women should have pretty hands and nails are so girly!  People notice rings and I prefer my nails to look amazing when they do!

One of my favorite parts of this coming weekend is that my son will be gaining a daughter, and he will make a great step-dad.  In fact short of the gene pool, he will be her daddy in every way, a role he is well trained for as my ex-husband was ‘dad’ to my son from before he can remember.  If he is half the dad to his new daughter that my ex was to him, he will do great.  And of course this means I am gaining a granddaughter.  I am SO excited.  She already calls him daddy, and me grandma.  I love it.  I love her and her mom (knew her mom since she was a little girl and frankly cannot believe I didn’t see way back then that this match would happen.

Naturally, being a grandma, I have to step it up now on holidays a bit.  I have already purchased somethings for her for Easter.  🙂  Yeah, like she isn’t spoiled enough already.

If you look at those eyes, there is mischief in them.  I believe she is trying to marry me off based on conversations we’ve had (see previous post. And recently, when I kept her for an evening while mommy and daddy went to dinner, we had this one:

(I was chatting on IM with Sir Lancelot at the time and she sat down next to me on the couch)

Little Miss Mischief Photo by Penny Hodge Photography http://www.pennyhodgephotography.net

Ryann:  Who is that, grandma? (she could see his photo in the IM window)

Marti:  He is a friend of mine.

Ryann:  What’s his name?

Marti:  Sir Lancelot.

Ryann:  Is he your boyfriend?

Marti:  Not exactly.

Ryann:  Why not?

Marti:  I don’t have a boyfriend, sweetie.

Ryann:  Well why not?

Marti:  Because grandma doesn’t want a boyfriend, I’m not dating anyone right now, I took the whole year off from that.

Ryann:  Well HE can be your boyfriend then!

Marti:  NO he can’t.

Ryann: Why not?

Marti:  It’s complicated.

Ryann:  Are you going to marry him?

Marti:  (hiding that terrified look again) Um, no, I don’t want to get married right now.

Ryann:  Well, marry him later!  🙂

Marti:  Not likely sweetheart.

Ryann:   I think you should.

Marti:  It’s just not that easy, honey.

See what I mean?  I really need to watch this kid, she is seriously into the match making game here, it’s a bit frightening!  She goes at this like it’s her job.

I also think it best if I not leave her alone with Sir Lancelot for so much as a second!  I don’t want her giving him any crazy ideas either.

My son and his beautiful bride. Photo by Penny Hodge Photography http://www.pennyhodgephotography.net

Because I am always asked, my snake ring is from Avon, visit my store by clicking the name below if you’d like to purchase one:
Wild Safari Critter Ring – Snake

I ALWAYS Have The Last Word

Remember old Romeo, from The Secret Garden Part 1 and Part 2? The guy that was so sure he should be on the inside of the garden wall (the barrier around my heart), the one that sent me lavender roses because he had read so many of my blogs that he knew my favorite flower and felt he knew me.  We emailed and texted, talked and then went out.  Twice.  I didn’t find any chemistry there, so pulled my ‘first date’ shirt out of retirement and went back on the dating market in search of the man who holds the keys to my heart’s gate.  I was told by old Romeo that I broke his heart, he really felt I hadn’t given him a chance and that we’d be so perfect together.

I don’t know what it is that causes chemistry to be there or not, but one thing I do know, when it is there you cannot deny it.  But without it, love cannot be anything more than settling.  This woman does not settle.  I saw a quote recently, I have no idea who wrote it but it speaks volumes about what it is I’m seeking in life as far as if I ever get involved in a long-term relationship again:  Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it is a waste of time.  There are too many mediocre things in life.  Love should not be one of them.  Isn’t that totally kick ass true?

I have known mad, passionate, extraordinary love two times in my life.  These relationships are flat-out electrifying, sensational mixes of emotional, physical, and mental forces coming together.  It is pure, raw, chemistry.  It is also intense, strong, wicked wild and not for the faint of heart.  My first time was in my marriage that ended, and the reason it ended is the same reason this kind of love has to be handled like unstable ammunition…not correctly channeled it can be highly explosive.  The other was with Mr. Wonderful.  Again the powder keg had to be handled with care.  Sadly he wasn’t ‘available’ and I refuse to be the home wrecker on that one. If he ever leaves his wife it has to be his doing without influence.  I’ve sensed the pull with a one or two other men but never entertained a relationship to know for certain.  No, I did NOT have this with The Count.  I was allowing myself to settle for less than what I deserve with that one.  While I am indeed Queen of my life, I seek the man who would be King beside me, but will still spoil my inner child like a princess. This extraordinary kind of love is only such because it is reciprocal.

One of the most famous, though yes fictional, of these types of loves was Rhett Butler and Scarlet O’Hara.  The chemistry was there from the first time they ever laid eyes on each other.  Read the book or watch the movie, Gone With The Wind, you can slice the untamed emotion that was between them, it is so intense.

I have always seen Scarlett as the patron saint of strong women.  Yes she was fictional, but she was a combination of several women the author knew or knew of, that had proven they had more brass between their legs than some men.  It took real nads to pull yourself up and rebuild after the Civil War.  It was a changed world and way of life and the strong survived.  There are countless stories of real life women that do this every day.  Life rips apart their world, and knocks them down. They stand up, brush themselves off and start over.  Often their own bad choices are what they have to bounce back from, but they do it over and over again.  The true ‘steel magnolias’ of this world.  The women in my family are those very flowers.  I have no clue if it is a way of life we were raised in, or if it is genetic, but you won’t find any tissue paper roses in this bouquet.

I recently had a conversation with a male friend about why men feel the need to insult and take pot shots at strong women.  He told me only weak men do that.  Men who are intimidated by such women.  They feel inferior to these women, so they lash out, verbally and physically to try to take her down.  They will attempt to control her in whatever way they can to feel they have somehow tamed her.  Good luck with that.  A truly strong, confident woman isn’t about to allow you to have control, especially if you don’t deserve it.  If you are her equal she will respect you, allow you to guide the ship you sale together, but don’t ever think for one minute that you are in control of her.

Romeo was drawn to me from what he knew through my writings and the two dates we had together.  He said he wanted a woman with a strong personality.  Time and time again throughout the conversations on those dates he stressed over and over he wasn’t looking for a physical relationship, that sex wasn’t all that important (to which my male friends informed me that this screams of erectile dysfunction issues), and he tried to win my heart with flowers and singing to me when we were out and about.  He did a fabulous job of drawing attention to himself in public with that, and while he has a decent voice, I wasn’t looking for someone who could put on a good show, I was seeking a real man, with a real heart, and that mad, passionate, extraordinary chemistry.  He was hurt, he said, I broke his heart when I didn’t feel we ‘fit’.

We remained Facebook friends until the other day when he went off about Rush Limbaugh.  I have no problem with someone that has an opinion, I have issues with twisted facts and half truths.  I don’t want to hijack this into a political issue, so we aren’t going there.  I did post the facts about the woman Rush referred to as a slut, giving a different view, in reply to Romeo’s post.  He removed it.  I then posted “wtf?” which he removed then he deleted me from his Facebook.  WOW…as I said to him in my email to him regarding the deletion:

WOW, very mature Romeo, very mature. That is just one major reason we’d never work, you cannot deal with someone that has a different opinion of your own and stating it openly. 

He replied with the following:

No, not at all. Your personallity is way to strong for me anyway, so you’re right, it wouldn’t have worked for me either, and I’m sure that’s not the first time you’ve heard that you are somewhat bossy and need to be in control.  Friendship wise, I don’t know much about you and never will and can’t see maintaining a friendship on facebook. And, I hate hate hate spamming, and your avon stuff and ads is not anything I’m interested in, and there are way too many of them. I also have others I’ve unfriended for too many song posts in a row, or self advertising.  As far as rush limbaugh, he is now and always will be a loud mouth, selfserving blowhard. I can understand you liking him. 
 

Enjoy your life, I’m sure you’ll write back,  you’ll have to have the last word.

I laughed out loud at the thinly veiled insults.  Bossy? I don’t recall being bossy at all to him.  I simply didn’t care to continue to date him.  And yes, I DO need to be in control, of ME.  I am reading between the lines, so assuming he means that because I like Rush Limbaugh, I am also a loud mouth, self serving blowhard?  My friend is correct, weak men will rip apart and insult strong women.  In this case, I take it as a compliment.  It is quite evident that he feels inferior to me and would never begin to be my equal.  Believe me, if you cannot handle my personality, you definitely cannot satisfy me in the bedroom, Romeo.  It takes a REAL man to love me in all regards.

Still looking for that man who IS an equally strong personality.

The one with whom I will have that mad, passionate, extraordinary love again.

The Rhett to my Scarlett, perhaps even the Sir Lancelot to my Guinevere. 😉

Oh, and you are correct.  As you can see, I always have the last word.

The UNdating Diaries ~ Sir Lancelot

It has been awhile since I’ve updated the Dating Diary.  Mostly this is due to it being the year of not dating because I needed more time to work on uncovering me and frankly my heart just cannot handle another break. Instead I am just enjoying life and the many friends I know and love dearly.  Many of my best friends in this world are men.  Men are just different from women, they can have a conversation that doesn’t involve emotions.  Us gals, our emotions have a tendency to influence how we think if we aren’t careful, and even then they still do play some role.  It isn’t a bad thing, we are emotional creatures, it is how God chose to wire us so it’s all good.  But I like hanging with and talking to the male side of our species, they have a different view of life at times, and it is mostly emotion free.

Enter Sir Lancelot, who has become a very dear friend. One I do not intimidate in the least with either my temper, strong will, mind, need to have control or carefree spirit.  My being a strong woman with a strong personality doesn’t bother him one bit.  His personality is every bit as strong as my own, and while he likes to have control of his life, he doesn’t wish to control mine.  He will challenge my thinking at times with questions that make me stop and ponder my views, but doesn’t try to change them.  He isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m just being plain ridiculous, but is able to do that without making me feel stupid.  He also sees that inside the woman who is strong enough to carry the weight of her world, is a scared little girl that wants to simply be loved and accepted for who she is, and protected from the big bad wolf in life when she has no fight left in her.  He knows I don’t want anyone to fight my battles for me, just someone that can bandage my wounds and talk me back down off the cliff.  He is also very aware that at times I’ll not just step off that cliff, I will charge at it and take a flying leap off that edge.  He won’t lecture me, or scold me, but will gently and firmly nudge me back on solid ground and help me see why that dive off of the cliff wasn’t in my best interest.  He accepts that I will make mistakes, he just wants me to learn from them.

Sir Lancelot also feels that Guinevere, while a queen in her own right, needs to be spoiled and pampered like a princess sometimes.  This weekend he took me away so that I could leave all my stress and cares behind me for a while, and just pampered and spoiled me.  I loved it.  I did nothing!  I spent the time sitting on my ample derriere and watched movies while being cooked and fed great food, and attended too like the princess I am.  It was heaven.  And we had some great conversation. My battery is fully charged and I think I can handle what life has to throw at me this week.

No, we are not dating.  I’d have to shut the garden gate if that were the case.  In dating relationships it is not safe, I’ve learned, to be me and let someone see inside me.  Sir Lancelot can roam the garden freely because he doesn’t judge the landscaping, isn’t critical of where I place things or what vegetation I opt to nurture or prune away.  Instead of trying to tie me down, he enjoys sitting under a shady tree and watching me dance with the butterflies in the meadows, ride my unicorn about the garden paths, or soar through the tree tops with the birds.

It is so nice to have a friend who knows what I need even when I am not certain, who has no hidden agenda, he just enjoys seeing me smile. It was so very nice to let my guard down, relax, and just be ME for awhile.

#36 ~ 365 Reasons Being Single Rocks

Quality

#36

Your quality of life is your own to determine. As the quote below says, no one to lean on, rely on or blame.

I like that the most right now about being single, it is MY life.  All about ME.

I make no apologies to anyone anymore.

I no longer have to make excuses to anyone for who and what I am.

It is my life, and right now it is amazing as I discover who I am beneath all the layers of what others thought I should be.

And I am pretty darn special!