You Just Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

YCMTUTAs you may know, I have this adorable little Yorkie.  Except that she really isn’t so little.  Around 9 or so pounds, which is a bit over weight for her but not much.  She is 11 years old, pushing 12, and she has spent the better part of her entire existence with her nose to the floor in search of food.  She is the most food motivated dog I have ever seen.  I’ve often said if you split open a 25 pound bag of dog food on the floor she’d eat until she split wide open like a bratwurst on the grill.  It’s really kind of pathetic.  Hence she lives with me because isn’t that par for the course with my life?

So, in constantly eating from the floor she not only consumes every crumb she finds but a few stray dust bunnies and some hair now and then.  Gross I know but wait, there is more.  Same dog once ate a $5 bill right from my daughter’s purse.  While standing in the yard with my son he happened to look down and said, “is that money in Penny’s poop??”  and grabbing a stick he sought to answer his question.  Once he realized it was indeed cash, and not just a $1, but a $5 note, he got a plastic baggie, turned it inside out and retrieved the poo covered cash.  He then said if his sister, who was working in a Veterinarian’s office, wasn’t going to clean it up and take it to the bank to exchange it, he would.   I took it to his sister, she did in fact wash, sanitize and then take it to the bank.  Said dog had surgery once to remove toe nail clippings, a bread twist tie, a cigarette butt and a piece of wood that we think was one of those Dent-a-sticks, all in there together thanks to the twist tie blocking her passage from her stomach.  Isn’t she great?

This morning I let the doggie out, stand on the deck while she goes, and notice she seems to be having some issues.  She had squatted, piddled, then found a new place to drop her load, but she was moving about in that position.  As she was scooting around I realized that about 3 inches behind her was a turd, following her.  It was this that she was trying to get rid of, no doubt it had one of my nieces long, bleached blond hairs in it and the other end of the strand was still in the pooch’s tush.  You could not see the strand, only the turd following her around like she had told it to ‘heel’ and being an obedient pet (something this dog knows nothing about mind you), it was sticking to her, nearly literally.  By the time I retrieved a napkin to unleash her new found follower, she had managed to catch it on something and break it’s hold.

You just can’t make this sh*t up.  Well maybe you could but really, why would you?

 

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