One of my virtual mentors, Darren Hardy, posted recently in the morning mentoring email, about his and his wife’s relationship non-negotiables. He then challenged folks in a relationship to huddle with their significant other and come up with said list of their own. For us singles, he challenged us to do one that will work well later as a vetting filter. I loved the idea and decided to work on one tonight. I am sitting here with a glass of wine, a candle burning in my room and soft music playing. Can you say relaxing?
Marvelous Relationship Commandments
The Non-negotiables For A Relationship With Marvi Marti
Never, ever, use the ‘D’ word – Divorce is NOT an option. If I marry I expect those vows to mean something. It’s about forever and not looking back. Anything can be fixed and gotten past. No threats of quitting. I’m not perfect and neither are you…him…whoever it may end up being is not perfect and will come with habits and quirks and a list of faults. Get over mine, I plan to get over yours!
Name calling is a no no! Name calling is the stuff of playgrounds full of children. Leave the unkind names out of things.
MOVE! As in endless hours in front of the television is not acceptable to me. Hour after hour of sitting there watching the same concert, movie, or playing video games endlessly is not something I can live with. Yes, we all need to relax now and then, but you cannot nurture a relationship when you are killing off the enemy or watching some band for the 110th time on video. Get up, take a walk with me, talk to me, grocery shop with me, DO SOMETHING with me that requires movement.
Grow on a personal level. Read, listen to CDs, do things to improve you. One cannot complain about one’s station in life if you are not doing something to improve it. Stuck in the same rut day in and day out but doing nothing to improve that is not healthy. Take a class, work toward a promotion, but do something to stretch and grow yourself.
Personal upkeep. Yes we are all getting older, and carrying around a few extra pounds. But at least make an effort to be reasonably fit, and take care of yourself in what you eat, in hygiene and over all maintenance of you!
Church and faith. Faith is important and on at least most fronts we need to be of like faith and going to church together. Lead the home front, no matter how imperfectly, through prayer and studying God’s Word together. Helping each other in our walk will help us grow together.
Intimacy. It is for married folks, and I will not budge on that. I believe God’s Word is clear on the topic. But once married, I believe sexual intimacy is a must, and the more frequent the better. Physical expression of what is in the heart is vital. Making love with heart, mind, body and soul cannot be put off for any length of time apart from illness or required distance apart because of work obligations, and should be resumed immediately once back together.
Faithfulness. No question, if you are a cheater, you are not welcome in my life. I won’t share what is mine. Mentally, physically and emotionally there should be complete faithfulness. The boys at the office don’t need to know what goes on between us, let them wonder, it is not their business.
PDA. While it is not necessary to climb all over each other, I don’t care to be with someone who cannot hold my hand in public, or show small signs of affection toward me in front of others. I’m not talking about deep, passionate kisses, but there should never be a doubt that a couple is a couple.
Honesty. Lying is not ever okay. EVER.
These are just things I cannot give an inch on, period. I know there is a man out there who feels the same way, and there may be things he feels need to be added to the list. I don’t believe these are unreasonable at all. Now if only such a man exists!