Posted in A Day In The Life, Coffee

Grounds In My Coffee Cup Of Life

Coffee = life, at least most mornings in my world. The java kicks in and I am magically transformed into Super STNA! Katie bar the door this girl is kicking butt.  Without the liquid from the magic coffee beans I can and have functioned quite well and at the top of my game, but why would anyone want to do that when 32 ounces of sippable dynamite is available? But this is Friday, my standard off day, so the cape and tights are hanging up and my Nana tiara is perched on its pillow, ready for me to pull myself together for some fun.

Today I have a hot date with 2 mega cutie pies, my youngest two grandsons. We have a date at the Newport Aquarium today, and I can’t wait! Last night I was sitting down with my sister, mom and a huge salad to binge watch season 6 of NCIS (we started over at the beginning, can a get a yahoooooo for Netflix?) when I received a FaceTime call from my 2.75yo grandson asking if Nana would accompany his royal adorableness to see the fishes. I have a to-do list as long as my arm of really important things I need to do, but making memories is way more critical. When I’m dead and gone, or bat quano crazy in a nursing home and cannot remember my own name, these times will still be treasured by my grandsnugglers so I cleared my morning. I hope I never forget the sounds of the 2yo’s giggling as we crawl through the stingray exhibit because that is the stuff that warms my heart.

But first: coffee. Because toddlers have more energy than you can get drinking an entire Dunkin Donuts coffee shop.

Today we get to see the newest exhibit, the Octopus!! Or as he so sweetly says, opa-pus. I find them super creepy and yet fascinating. He will be beside himself when he sees it is there and we get to check it out up close. I have to admit I’m probably more excited about this than he will be but that is my inner child, the one who drops her tiara in the grass and goes splashing through mud puddles in the rain.

These are the grounds in my coffee cup today, and if I don’t get moving I will not be ready when the time comes, so this marvelous Nana is out! Have a fantastic day!

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Posted in Coffee, Life Lessons, My Crazy Life

Coffee & Brain Dump

Have you ever noticed that when you make a to-do list you are more likely to actually DO what is on that list than if you just keep it mental? Then again if you are like me you might hit a bump in the road and while you keep adding to that list, nothing is getting crossed off. This makes for a long list and that causes anxiety. The list is long, my friends, very long.

My blog is on that list and so here I sit, coffee next to me and I’m typing away. This is good stuff happening, something will be crossed off of my list now. It may only be one item with a line through it but that is one more than the current list displays so I’m celebrating this little victory.

So what is this bump in the road of marvelous? Well truth be told it is a whole pile of debris of life piling up and overwhelming me lately. Is you coffee or adult beverage in a Yeti style tumbler? Because this could get long y’all and don’t want your drink to get cold if it needs to be hot or the other way around.

  • Mom is on a steady decline. Weeks perhaps even a few more months, but the decline is on. I know, since July when she was given 2-4 weeks I’ve been saying this, and the decline has been steady though thankfully slow. But lately she is in pain and nauseous a lot. And tired. She lays down and sleeps a lot. In fact she is in bed more than out of it now. I’ve started to de-plan my calendar, turn down invitations because I’m unapologetically selfish with my down time. She may be sleeping most of the evening sometimes but when she is awake I want to be where she is, soaking up her final days.
  • Apartment Hunting is the name of the game. But not too intense on this just yet because until mom dies there is no moving ut so timing is going to be a big factor in the where and when. Mostly the where at this point because until there is a when on the table it is hard to really locate anything more than where I’d LIKE to be living. I cannot afford to put down a deposit and pay rent monthly until it is time to actually move, and then I have to hope the places that appeal to me have a vacancy. And finding a place that accepts cats is harder than I thought. Seriously they allow birds up to 10 pounds and 50 gallon aquariums but not cats. Birds are nasty, dirty creatures (I had one) so why them and not a sweet, declawed, spayed, 8 year old cat? I won’t rehome her because I’ve had her since she was 4 weeks old and orphaned. You don’t rehome an animal like it’s a set of no-longer-used dishes.
  • Work as in trying to keep my health coaching job and Avon going while working full time and dealing with the above. I’ve really sucked lately at coaching and I just need to focus. I was doing great bullet journaling the coaching business, it kept me DOING the work and in contact with clients, and now dust is gathering on the notebook and I’m a week behind on my bootcamp training and actions for coaching. Seriously need to refocus. And there has been drama at work and I hate drama. Plus my A-team gals all have something derailing our lives right now from physical injuries to personal life issues and it is just sucking the fun out of our job. We are all in reground and regroup mode, kicking around the idea of all taking off the same day and going to an escape room locally. Though we’d prefer to take a few bottles of wine and not escape the room at all! We just cannot seem to catch a break of late. We also had a resident pass away this past week, one we all loved, so we’re a bit raw emotionally. She was the same age as my mom which only made it harder for me than I expected.
  • Etsy Shop needs some new listings. I have 3 blankets that are finished and ready to be listed for sale and have yet to photograph them and get them online. And it is time to tweak descriptions on products but my creative juices have dried up.

Those are just some of the items of life debris piling up. I have to file my taxes (actually have to prepare the stuff, I have a tax guy thanks to all this side business hoopla), finish CEUs for my MA-C certification renewal, clean my closet out, place an Avon order, place a food order for myself so my health stays solid, pay some bills, write my sponsor child in Nicaragua, clean/dust/sweep my room, finish 6 partially complete crochet projects (can’t sell them if I don’t actually complete them), and that is just the top of the to-do list.

Right now I’m ever so thankful I decided to head back to Crossroads for the all church journey. Honestly I tried to love the church I had switched too, the teaching is solid there and all, but it just feels like stale crackers to me. I missed the energy, love, vibe, and teaching (also solid) at Crossroads. It fits me better. And that was a stress producer too, because one of my kids is at one church, the other is at Crossroads and I was trying to attend both! I loved when we all went to the same church, same service. Even the ex-hubster and his wife went there, and while awkward to some, I found it kinda cool that we all were doing faith together. They are now with the son at the other location and I’ve come back home to where I found my way back to God. And I’m happier, and growing again in my walk with the Lord. I’m beyond delighted my kids are both in churches and actively walking out their faith, with Christian spouses doing the same by their sides. What more can a mother hope for really than to see her kids serving God and His people?

So about that all church journey, it is called Obsessed and we are on weekend 3 right now. And to quote my daughter, “I’m not digging this journey”. Oh we are really thankful for it, but it’s not a comfortable trip we are on here. Facing down our obsessions and getting them in line is not easy. I’m uncovering some things I do not like about my life and myself and what I pay attention too. “Pay attention to what you pay attention too” stuck out this past weekend and the work in the app for the week really pried the lid off things I did not care to see.  That is the stuff of another post though.

So, that brain dump felt good. There it is, in a nut shell, because no one has time to write and then have anyone read a 20 volume encyclopedia size dump of ALL that is going on in my crazy, marvelous life right now.

Posted in Coffee, Uncategorized

Saturday Coffee Musings

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseI’ve become dependent on water. Okay, yes, our bodies do require it to function, but I have developed an addiction to it. Perhaps more like a dependency on feeling great, which has a lot to do with the amount of water I drink when on plan, 100+ ounces a day. Give me one day of not drinking enough, then the next day (like today) getting even less, and this girl isn’t feeling all that marvelous. My brain gets fuzzy and I feel like a hangover without the party.

This goes for not eating healthy too. Yesterday was just a mess of not eating the right things and not getting enough water. It was day #2 of 16 hour shifts so to say I suddenly don’t feel so hot would be understated. Thankfully just a big tumbler of water and I’m starting to feel great again.

The pause button was pushed on my health journey the past few weeks. Thanks to continuing in a mostly healthy vein of food choices I’ve not gained  back a single pound, but I haven’t taken anymore off. One resident I care for informed me I needed to stop because she feels I’m “too skinny”. I’m not stopping and in fact my schedule is set to push the play button again on November 1st. I want to reach transition and maintenance by Thanksgiving. I want to roll through the holidays a yet better version of the already improved edition of me!

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Nana’s Super Heros

Today I had planned to spend my entire Saturday curled up in a chair with a crochet project and ongoing coffee. Instead the day was even better. My work community hosted trick-or-treating for resident and associates families and it was so sweet! The residents really enjoyed it and 2 of my grandchildren made it up for the event! So, now I’m going to curl up and crochet while I catch up on last night’s episode of Blue Bloods!

 

We had a touch of snow in Cincinnati in the wee hours of the morning. Just some wet flakes that  vanished upon impact with the ground, but still it was snow because it got THAT cold. NOT a good thing and this needs to stop at once. I’m not ready to be cold even if I do enjoy curling up in front of the fire to crochet.

Just when I was debating taking this fashion gingery color to a bit more brown, I received half a dozen compliments on it and how good it looks on me. Guess I’ll just refresh it and my roots and keep rocking the more red than brown locks! 🙂

 

Posted in Coffee, Uncategorized

Morning Coffee On The Deck

image2.JPGOur deck is like being in a low tree house in the woods. It is one of my favorite places. Trees all around, nature living life right in front of our eyes. Some mornings deer can be found out here grazing, birds chirping and flying from one branch to the next, and even a pair of red foxes that took up residence nearby can be seen scooting along the tree line in search of food. Sitting here I can see the leaves fluttering in a breeze that is just a bit too gentle to make the wind chime sing that is hanging at the end of one of our over head beams. The crickets are still singing their night song as the last of the darkness hasn’t quite left the deeper parts woods. A nice, unusually cool 68 degrees for an August summer morning.

The deck faces west, into the wooded backdrop, so the sun is rising behind me right now, just beginning to kiss the tops of a few trees with it’s light, making them shine brighter than the lower branches. It is very beautiful to see.

No airplanes are flying over head to disturb the sounds just yet. We sit below the final approach to CVG airport, about 1.5 miles from the end of the runway as the crow flies so they come over us pretty low. Mostly the big cargo planes for DHL, Polar Air and by low I mean you swear you can read the pilot’s name tag.

image1 (1).JPGMe? I’m a vision of “just rolled out of bed” fashion, sporting black yogo pants that the top is rolled over on…twice..due to my weight loss, pink slippers, a pink Hello Kitty pajama shirt and my favorite baseball cap that hides the bed head hair-do I worked on all night. Absolutely stunning if I do say so myself.

I have my breakfast of Red Berry Crunchy O’s and a huge cup of coffee, along with my Kindle and one the books I’m currently reading. Oops, just dropped a crunchy on the deck floor. 5 second rule applies here, yes I did pick it up and eat it.

In about an hour or so my mom, sister and niece will each begin to find their way down to the coffee pot and join me out here in our little slice of paradise. We’ll talk, laugh, and enjoy not doing anything beyond sitting here holding down our chairs for a bit before life kicks us into action for the day.

But for now, it is just about enjoying this blessed gift of peace.

Posted in Coffee

Marvelous Musings Over Coffee

Hot cup of fresh coffee on the wooden table and stack of books tI have had a lot on my “decisions to be made” plate of late.  With too many irons in the fire some things just need to be trimmed from my life and time in order for me to pursue other things where my passion resides.

Anyone who knows me is aware I LOVE direct sales.  At one point I was a consultant/representative for 7 or so companies.  That was narrowed down to 4, 3 of which I basically keep so I can purchase things at a nice discount for myself.  I share them at times, heck who doesn’t like a nice commission check when one has bills to pay, but they are primarily to get a good deal on things I use.  The only one I ever really worked to any degree is my Avon business.

Now that I’ve launched my Etsy shop, By Hook And By Handalong with my sister, I really don’t want to mess that much with the Avon.  It was good to me, had a team of 52 at one point before I let that all fall apart while racing around the country side on a motorcycle with a 1%er (hey, it was that crazy time after the divorce, we all make mistakes).  I love the products etc, but just don’t want to pour the amount of time into that it takes to build a solid income, time I would need to spend away from home.  I’m moving my customers all to online ordering and mailing out brochures and samples periodically.

My passion is my crochet shop.  Hooks and yarn are like therapy to me, even with custom orders and deadlines, I LOVE to crochet.  And with 5 sales already, while having limited inventory, I see the higher earning potential doing something I absolutely enjoy.  Higher potential being that I can do this truly from home.  Avon and other direct sales rock, but you have to go out and do parties, recruit, sell etc. All good and fine if you aren’t working a full time job that is kicking your tail physically, then want to go out and ‘work’ another job.  I put in my work week in 3, 12.5 hour days, pick up an over time shift a week, sometimes more, so the last thing I want to do is get out there and try to do parties etc.  I want to relax, and hooking things soothes me.  If I can make money on what I crochet, well it is a win/win to me. Hooking just doesn’t feel like work!

Being home means spending time with mom, and that time we have is growing shorter with each passing day. I can crochet my heart out while we talk, sit out on the deck, in front of the fire place (when it is cold), and if she needs to be at the infusion center or doctor, well my hooker bag goes along for the appointment and I keep right on crocheting there too.  It simply makes sense to pour myself into what I love and grow this business.  I’ve started a blog for the shop in case folks are interested in seeing what we are up too.  We’ll also share links to patterns we find so other hookers can enjoy making things, so feel free to follow those writings. And feel free to share it, we love that!

I cannot yet share what the other decision is, but will when it is time.  But prayers for the success of that would be much appreciated!

Well, off to work on the custom order, it is nearly finished and will be delivered next week.

Y’all have a fantastic day!

 

Posted in Coffee, Uncategorized

Friday Coffee Musings…

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseIt is FRIDAY BABY!!! And I’m off, for 3 wonderful days that will have wonderful weather to enjoy.  In fact, MARVELOUS weather!  I’m sitting here at my desk with the window open, breeze gently blowing and drinking my favorite beverage, coffee.  Life is simply amazing! The last time I was off 3 days in a row, well I was sick and in bed so that doesn’t really count for much outside of sleeping.

I slept in today, 10 hours, 12 minutes of deep, restful sleep.  That too was outstanding and energizing.

UntitledLast step of the current hooker project is putting the border on this gorgeous baby blanket, then blocking it before it goes up for sale.  Blankets 5 & 6 are in production, as well as ruffle scarves, washcloths, baby booties and some other items.  Once we have the suggest minimum of 10 items the store front will go live.  Seriously, who wants to shop a store that only has one or two items? Um, no one really, I’d keep walking by that one in any mall.  Same as online, if you don’t have things to browse, you won’t get much business.

Being away for a few days sick really made me miss my sweet old souls at work.  It was good to be back, and even better to be told by them how much they missed me.  My one dear lady, after assisting her with her morning routine, said “oh Martha, I don’t know what I’d do without you!”, which made me feel so good inside.  We don’t make much, but you cannot put a price on that appreciation right there.  Sure, I could cut corners but then I would not be providing the level of care they deserve and pay for, and God sees what I do/don’t do regardless.  I do answer to the Highest power, after all.  Brings home the “whatsoever you do to the least of these” concept when someone depends on you for simple things like using the bathroom, bathing, getting turned over in bed, dressing etc.

Mom and I had coffee this morning, in our favorite arm chairs in the living room.  I love my off days for this, we talk about everything under the sun, one would think we’d run out of things to say!  Then it was off to run errands and have lunch.  I often look back over my shoulder down that road of life, the one that is a one-way trip, and see now that 6 years ago when my life fell apart, it was a blessing in disguise.  I’d prayed to get out of the lifestyle I was living, just didn’t imagine when I asked God to change the hubster’s heart so we could break free of it and I could be done with the swinger crap, that it would get changed in a way that meant I’d be released to pursue better things.  That blessing was spending my mom’s last years with her, sharing daily together our frustrations, smiles, laughter and making memories. While talking this morning we touched on the fact that when mom reaches the end stages with this cancer, it could get messy.  She wants to remain at home, with hospice caring for her here rather than in a cold, sterile hospital or in a care facility.  I realized then that my ending up getting my CNA certification and state level certification was no accident.  This was never on my employment radar, I even balked against it, yet now cannot imagine doing anything else.  When mom’s time grows really short, she’ll need the very kind of care I’ve been trained to provide.  My niece is also state certified, and my sister is the top dog of a long term care facility and hospice nurse.  One could say we’ve got this, it’s handled.  Who knew when God dragged my sorry butt kicking and screaming down this road into the health care field that one day in the not so distant future it would be needed most on the home front?  He works in mysterious ways sometimes.  For now, all is pretty good, but we know each day is bringing it closer to the end when along this road will come a bench with her name on it, and she’ll take her place there to wait on the bus from Heaven, and we’ll keep walking on without her. I don’t think about it or dwell on that.  I’m not in denial, it simply is not time to be dealing with that. We’ll cross the bridge when we arrive there.

Well those projects won’t hook themselves, so I’m off to join my cat, all stretched out and relaxing on the bed, with my yarn, crochet hook and another cup of coffee!  YOU all have a marvelous afternoon!

Posted in Coffee

I Need A Shower…SQUIRREL!

istock_000009602550xsmallNot because I’m filthy or stink, I just need a shower.  I have gold medal worthy bed head, morning breath, wearing my wrinkled jammies and sipping coffee.  All this while doing laundry, because I multi-task like a boss.  I need a shower.

My brain is processing a lot of things at the moment:

  • I need to be in bed early tonight because tomorrow is day one of 3 in a row at work (12.5 hour days).
  • I need a cute way to decorate my planner for football season (GO BENGALS) as preseason games start soon.
  • SO much laundry is piled up on Mt. Washmore that I need to attack it even though it isn’t mine, my sister will appreciate it.
  • Trying not to think too much about how this time next year mom probably won’t be with us anymore.
  • That book I am writing…still so much to do with that one.
  • Blankets, dear me I have 3 in process, one is for my 5th grandchild so I need to get it finished as he has arrived. One is for the 4th grandchild, who is nearly a year old, must stop letting the changing landscape of life throw me off my game.
  • Coffee….yes more coffee is in order.
  • Crap, time to wash the bedding, need to do that today too.
  • Library books, best check and see if the ones on hold have arrived.
  • Oh that reminds me I need to actually finish reading some of the ones sitting on my desk.
  • Baby Jace, I need to go see the 5th grandchild again, soon. Love his cute little self.
  • I need to grab a shower at some point here.

All that and one thousand other thoughts floating about in my head, all at once.  One of the most important being that I really DO need to get a shower if I hope to get many of the things on my to-do list accomplished today.

YUM…oatmeal!  Old fashioned style with a bit of dark brown sugar and another cup of coffee.  I really did go stick another load of laundry in just now, have to get the bedding washed before the cats lay all over my memory foam mattress cover and leave a mess of fur for me to attack with the lint roller.

I’m very excited that today, at some point, a delivery will arrive.  My compression socks for work.  I need those as I’m on my feet for 12.5 hours and I just know it will help my legs not feel so fatigued at the end of my shift.  And it also has my very first ever seasonal, super cute scrub top.  I bought a Halloween one.  I will get a few more too, as I plan to wear those all through the month of October.  Scrubs are so much fun, I’m thankful to be working in a facility that allows us the freedom to wear any ones we want instead of issuing a particular color.  Two of the nurses always wear ‘prison grey’ on Mondays, which is funny to me, as Monday just kinda sucks for a lot of folks.  Of course when your shifts rotate around the week like ours, weekends tend to lose any real thrill except that we work every 3rd one so we’re always happy when we don’t.  Well that isn’t really true except that I miss church, otherwise it is  just another day to me to be with and care for my sweet old residents.  Some aren’t so sweet, but I love each one in some weird way and care about them.  So anyway, I’m super stoked that I will have my first holiday top today.

Okay, time to act like I have a lengthy list that needs checking off or nothing will get done at all today.

First things first though,

I need a shower…

Posted in Coffee

Monday Coffee Musings

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseI actually pulled myself out of bed at 8:30am today.  Oh I wanted to go on sleeping but I needed to get up and move.  I just worked 2, 12.5 hour shifts and was tired but I know if I stayed in bed nothing would be accomplished.

First thing on Mondays I land my butt on the scale, and today I am at 179.9, which is a 15 pound weight loss since I started this job 7 weeks ago.  There is no immediate sign of that letting up since I walk several miles over the course of my day and add all the lifting, pushing, pulling, and packing a lunch so I don’t over eat.  Heck I am not even hungry really come lunch time, I just eat because I know I need too or I might face plant on the floor.  I love this side benefit!

Still on baby watch, my daughter is big, and ready but the baby isn’t here yet.  She isn’t really due until 7/1, but could go any time now and I wish it would hurry along!  I am so excited to meet this sweet little guy, my 5th, and hopefully not last, grandchild.  I’m praying this happens on my off days so I can be at the hospital to welcome this little man in his first hours.

I just started reading a book by Dave Ramsey, The Financial Peace Planner.  I need to get my money in order and that is going to help I’m told.  I don’t make a lot of money, but I LOVE what I do so I need to be careful with my money.

I am using my planner more and more now, and hopefully that will help me get balanced with my job and my direct sales businesses. There are blogs and social media posts I need to do and without a plan I just don’t get it done.  That must improve.

For those wondering what it is like, or what it is we do, I have started my other blog about being a CNA/STNA, http://www.thecnalife.com, feel free to pop in and check out those posts.  I guess I need a link on my blog page for it.  And BAM that is done, see the side bar!  🙂

Yes, Wine & Cheese will be returning, and I’ll be linking up on Friday Confessional again.  I am structuring my days so that I can get everything done, which is a lot.

Speaking of the daughter, she is headed her to visit so off I go to enjoy spending some time with her.

Posted in Coffee

Tuesday Morning Random Coffee Musings

Hot cup of fresh coffee on the wooden table and stack of books tThe sun is shining, the cat is in the window enjoying the morning breezes and getting her tan on, and I’m listening to the birds singing while sitting here sipping my coffee and enjoying my mellow start to the day.

I am a tad concerned that the first thing I do is look at my planner.  Not because I don’t know what I need to do, I did that last night to check my schedule for the day.  I look at it because I love all the bling and colors.  It speaks to my crafty side, kinda like a crafters high.  Planner crack.

Yesterday was HR orientation at the new job, and sometime this week will be department orientation, then I can work.  I cannot wait.  I will be working full time again, 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts.  It’s perfect for allowing me time to do my Avon business and pick up over time which is very plentiful in the Long Term Care industry.  Aides are scarce and good aides it seems are even more so.  I’m planning on being a top performer, over achiever so to speak.  I don’t see this as a job so much as a ministrey for me.  No one sets their end of life goal as residing in a care facility, needing someone to change their diapers or assist them to the bathroom, help feed and clothe them.  Not all are old either, some residents are young, victims of crippling diseases or accidents that left them unable to do the simplist of personal tasks.  The good facilities have made more of a home atmosphere, as it should be.  This IS the resident’s home and should be treated as such.  Sometimes aides and others forget that the resident is no more thrilled with being changed like a child than the one giving care is excited about doing the changing.  Mentally my focus is on that aspect, how would I want to be cared for in this same situation.  It has really changed my heart and pulled me to want to do this for half of what I could be making in my other field of office management.

Yesterday I babysat 3 of my grandchildren and was just amazed at how fast they are growing up.  SnuggleBug is 2yo, and isn’t all that into snuggling anymore though he talks a mile a minute and I only catch pieces of what he says.  I fully understand his “wuv eww nana” and kisses though!  SnuggleBean is 7 months old and aware that I’m not mom and this didn’t make him all that happy.  SnuggleBerry is pitching softball now at 10yo.  Where is the time going?  I relish these moments, and with my son and his wife.  I look at my daughter, just over 2 months away from giving birth to her first baby, sitting in church feeling him kick her, watch her waddle around (she doesn’t think she waddles yet but there is a small one to her gait now) and cannot believe she is all grown up, married, and ready to be a mother.  I’m nervous and excited, knowing how she thinks about everything in life will change so much when they place this little boy in her arms.  And no words will make her understand that, she has to experience it for herself.  I love our morning phone calls when she is driving home from work, we laugh a lot and solve all the world’s problems in 30 minutes or less.  😉

I love my Avon customers!  In the past 14 hours I’ve had 2 call me with orders that will put about $52 in my pocket (I earn 40% across the board thanks to achieving Honor Society and doubling my sales).  And all it took was providing good customer service and handing out brochures.  That is 2 of my regular 8-10 who consistently order, and I’m growing that number as rapidly as I can.  Also adding at least 2 to my team tomorrow.  I LOVE this business!

Ah look at the time, at this rate it won’t me morning musings if I don’t get moving. Much to do.

Y’all have a MARVELOUS day!

Posted in Coffee

Peppermint Mocha & White Zinfandel Musings

Close up of cup of coffee with pink roseI’m a black coffee drinker, but once in a while I like a little kick in the flavor.  If not the coffee itself then some creamer.  My sister brought home some Peppermint Mocha creamer the other day and that is what is in my cup.  Well that and a package of hot chocolate mixed with the coffee, because if you are needing coffee why not shoot for the I can crawl up the wall and across the ceiling then hang upside down like a fruit bat level of caffeine satisfaction?  In my world, if you aren’t walking on the ceiling, you’re doing it all wrong.

Today, lunch was an amazing bowl of….*drum roll*…. raisin bran.  I was craving it for some reason, which makes me think I’m truly bat shit crazy after all, because who the heck craves raisin bran???  It was good, considering it is cereal, but wow, that was out of left field.

A lot of life is coming out of left field lately and I find it rather perplexing at times.

The Badge took me out for dinner last night, and my universe shifted on me.  Not sure how to explain that other than think of a lock and how tumblers inside have to all fall into place before it clicks and can be opened. I even distinctly recall the moment when he looked at me while we were talking and things just clicked into place in my cosmos and it unsettled me.  Something was very different in the energy in the air while we were together, and I swear I felt my inner walls surrounding my heart give way.

Later I was pondering it all, as I have been for weeks now, and likened it to being a kid on the 10 foot diving board. You stand there and holy crap it’s a long way to the water from that high.  You really want to jump but you are so flipping scared you can’t.  Heck you cannot even breathe.  So yep, that is me, I’ve sat down on the end of the board and my legs are swinging over the edge while I try to catch my breath, but even at a lower angle, I’m scared to death to jump.

I don’t know why I’m so worried, because this time is so different.  Not a single red flag (or pink, orange, yellow…) whatsoever.  This came out of no where when I wasn’t looking and had written off dating and relationships.  If I went down my list of deal breakers and makers, things couldn’t be more of a fit.

Wow, look at the time.  I believe it is time for the bottle of white zinfandel to be uncorked.  Meanwhile I’ll just sit here and on the end of the board, as I suspect that between him, my inner diva, goddess and child, I’m about to be pushed off my perch and into the deep end of the pool.