Why I Am Still Single
*Looks up at the mast of my ship*
::Thinking:: I don’t SEE a freak flag or weirdo magnet up there.
Seriously the freak parade of late has me wondering what I am doing to attract so much attention from so many bizarre and unwelcome sources. As in guys. Like males. And, um…no, thanks.
Why do people find it weird and want to ‘fix’ or rescue you if you are single and 54?
“you are so attractive, why aren’t you married?”
“baby you are sexy and need sex, why you so frigid?”
For the record, I’m not frigid. I have desires and longings, I’m a normal, healthy woman who enjoys intimacy. I choose to ignore those, replacing those thoughts with other things to ponder. Like, why is the coffee pot empty? What day is this anyway? Now where did I leave my phone this time?
Actually truth is I re-grounded in my faith some years back, after being totally crazy stupid and I’ve no desire to go back to a life of sin. I won’t be shared, won’t share what is mine (as in my other half), and as a Christian I feel intimacy outside of marriage is a sin and I’m not going down that road. Ever. Again.
I’ve had more than one guy tell me I’m going to be alone, forever, if I’m not willing to have sex outside of marriage. Let me say that I don’t believe that for a minute, but if that is in fact true, so be it. I’m not a toy, I’m a child of God, daughter of the Most High, a royal princess in the Kingdom of Heaven and not willing to just give away the gift of me that belongs to a spouse should God’s plan for my life include one again some day.
No doubt the fact that I’m not dating, looking to date, seeking a male companion, is impacting the lack of a significant other in my life. I don’t have time for a relationship right now. My life is full, and busy, and relationships take time and need to be nurtured. Between my job, health coaching, mom, kids, grandkids, church, and miscellaneous lists of things I do when not doing those things, I simply do not have the time or energy to put into another person.
I like my freedom. Want to sleep in? No one complains. Feel like a day of bed head, jammies, morning breath topped with coffee so that it smells like ass and can singe hair? No one cares. Being the introvert that I am, at the end of the busy day I need alone time to recharge, so not really into going out dancing or partying and I’m delighted for my time by myself.
List of “you don’t need it” I’ve spent/about to spend money on:
New personalized plates, jigsaw puzzle, puzzle storage box/mat to use while working said puzzle, yarn, yarn, more yarn, toys for Nana’s toy box, sun shield for my windshield to keep car cool, new Skechers for work….and NO ONE tells me I don’t need it! MY money, my decisions, and I’m pretty pleased with all of it thankyouverymuch.
Long Beach has resurface again…told him politely NO WAY, no thanks, not going to happen, not your girl. No doubt he will resurface yet again in about 3 or 4 months.
Then there is NYC. SIGH. I’m growing weary hearing about how much he wants to ______ me. When I explain about my faith and not interested in a relationship, his latest come back was:
“Good luck finding your bible carrying man with his home made blueberry pie. I think your going to be lonely. You’ll never get laid again. You have narrowed your selection of men down to a microscope level. There won’t be any left who want to f*ck you.”
*head to desk*
First off what in the name of duck tails does blueberry pie have to do with this? Food, for the record, is not my love language. He keeps telling me how he’ll cook for me, is trained by a master chef and doesn’t seem to grasp that I don’t care about food. I don’t really care for blueberry pie at all!
Second, if getting laid were the goal, trust me I have a lengthy list of men tripping over themselves to be my booty call.
Third, I’M NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN IN MY LIFE! I do not want a relationship, marriage, to get laid, etc etc. And there are plenty of single, Christian men my age that if I were interested have made it clear they’d gladly wait for marriage for intimacy with me because they too are followers of Christ and waiting.
BUT I’M NOT INTERESTED!
So then he tells me I am one f*cked up piece. Um, NO I am a woman.
Not a piece of anything.
F*cked up is relative. To him, perhaps, because I’m not matching the mold he wants to squeeze me into. Sorry this bird is not caged, she is a free spirit. Cage her and she stops singing. And he wonders why at 57 he is still single….
I’ve blocked him on phone and email, Facebook, LinkedIn etc etc.
Y’all, if you can see the freak flag up there, waving in the breeze from the mast of this vessel known as Marti, would you be so kind as to shoot a flaming arrow through it for me?