Example, the non-fiction book about how I went from being a Deacon’s wife and youth leader, to swinger wife and naughty photo shoot queen, and back to a good girl who still listens to P!NK when she is frustrated but loves KLOVE as well. The story is multi-layered and there are so many things no one knows about but are key to the whole tale. But how much is too much? My publisher wants it bad, just leave out the steamy details and that is fine with me. Just not sure how out there I really want to be about myself.
The fiction books create another problem. How do you get back on the path I’m on, yet justify writing seriously steamy sexual scenes in a novel? Or can I even go there? I struggle with where the line might fall, and often hear in my head the voice of a past elder and dear friend saying, “don’t ask what is wrong with it, ask what is right about it”. And at this moment, right is the money. I need the money that I know I can make from self publishing novels. I’ve read some of those that recently were published by another fiction/erotica author and frankly I don’t know what the big deal is that sells so many of her books because I, for one, was totally unimpressed. Not much substance there, and characters are doing the sheet mambo every 2 pages. Being a female, and one who has read MANY such books in her lifetime as well as the steamy romance novels, well her books are crap. Not well written yet sell like hotcakes. No doubt the not-a-supermodel main character helps, because none of us can really relate to those kind of women, but surely folks want a good story too?
And that of course was another area in which I wrestled, developing characters who are more realistic, or men hung like racing horses who look like gods. Yes, those books are an escape to a make believe world for a while, but honestly I like my fantasy world to at least line up with reality on some level. It’s why I don’t write about paranormal, neck biting, blood sucking hunks, vampires are not real. We all would like to think we might actually meet that one guy from the books saucy pages. My ideal guy has never been the pretty boys. I like my men just a little rough around the edges, the bad boy rebel types with hearts of gold. They tend to favor Trace Adkins more than Johnny Depp in looks and I’ve never been into the muscle bound gym rats. Yes some muscle is good, but I don’t mind a little in the middle either, a guy who eats and likes his steak, potato and a cold beer over tofu. So my main male characters will be far from the Ambercrombie shopping bag model in his underwear.
I knew it would not be an easy journey to get a book written, but this isn’t where I thought the issues would arise. Hopefully it won’t be long before I hit ‘publish’ on the first novel and find out if what so many others tell me is true, that I am halfway decent when it comes to writing.