You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!


YCMTUTWhen you live in a house of all women, and a great conversation is in progress (as if there is anything but a great conversation when it’s all women), it might happen that someone has to use the bathroom.  Since you cannot pause real life, and being all females, one might wander into the bathroom and leave the door ajar so they can still hear and participate from the commode.  And that is precisely what occurred one evening this past week.  While in mid topic my sister suddenly screams, from her seat on the toilet, “aaahhhh come kill it!”.  I assume it is a spider as that is typically what gets a good scream around here.  No, it is the world’s largest mosquito flying around, and she didn’t want to have an itchy spot on her bum I suppose.  I go in and try to smack it down, it lands on her and she brushes it to the floor, and I stomp that little buzzard into a squish.  As I leave the bathroom she alerts me that said bug cadaver is stuck to my shoe, and his little wings are seen.  I turned, put my foot up and told her to wipe it off, while trying hard to keep my balance.  It took a few attempts because I am not steady on one foot.  Mind you the entire time the 4 person conversation continued with this insanity going on to the side.  Never dull and boring around here!

Another evening this week I went up to my room to go to sleep.  I had already turned down the bed and had my pillows all fluffed and ready to go so that I could just make my way to dreamland.  I always have the pillows with the cases open side toward the middle.  I have a lot of pillows on the bed too.  When I grabbed the edge of one to pull it off the bed it didn’t budge at all.  I tried again, and trust me I was confused because it is a nice, light weight pillow but it was stuck firmly to the bed.  Of course because it is a pillow I wasn’t putting any muscle into it.  I could not pull it with one hand and when I lifted it the darn thing was heavy.  Turns out a 14 pound cat, Ditzy, had crawled inside the pillow case and was sleeping, so it weighed the pillow down.

After being at a craft show all day yesterday with my mom, we arrived home to discover that OMG WE HAVE A DEFCON 1 SITUATION THERE IS NO COFFEE!!!  No coffee in this house is a crisis.  We bleed coffee if you cut one of us.  The last thing we wanted to do was make a grocery run but we cannot have this so off we went, exhausted but determined to make the world right again.  We also figured, since we were headed there, we should get some wine and a few other things.  It wasn’t a big run so we selected one of the smaller carts.  Don’t you know, it was the one with the bad wheel.  You know the kind, the wheel spins at will, and makes a constant “ricketyricketyrickety” sound as it rolls, loudly.  We kept the cart deciding it was just special, as we are special, and we made our way all around the store.  We got the wine, bread, soup and headed to check out, almost forgetting the coffee, which was the original reason we went in the first place.  While self-checking out I happened to notice of the 6 items in our cart, 3 were alcohol.  Not sure if coffee and 3 types of wine is a good thing or a bad thing, when the only other items are a loaf of bread and can of soup.  I know, we should have had chocolate in there and that would have been fine then.  Next time we toss in a bag of candy bars to balance things, the small fun size ones, because there are not calories, right?

 

 

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One thought on “You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

  1. omgosh – that bathroom scene needs to be wrote into a movie. hilarious!
    no coffee! I shuddered. literally gasped out loud and shuddered. And I see nothing wrong with your grocery purchases, except yes – some good dark chocolate was required for nutritional (i.e hormonal) balance. 🙂

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