Surprise And Smack Down!
I hate surprises. Really. And in just over 24 hours I had 2 that did not make for a happy little camper.
The first was while at work. I was just sitting there, working away and minding my own business when suddenly my ADD kicked in and I went all “SQUIRREL!”. But it wasn’t a squirrel, just a moment like that. A shiny thought blew across the million other thoughts in my head while I was working on paperwork for one of the jobs we signed at work. While thinking insurance and mortgage companies, billed verses received money, “Hey, you just turned 50 a few weeks back, wonder if your license plates are expired on the car?“. That is just how my brain works. There is zero connection between what I was hard at work processing and that one, out of context thought.
I ceased to function while I thought through things, and a sinking feeling came over me. As it is I drive way too fast and it is anyone’s guess how I have never been pulled over and cited for speeding in my 34 years on the road as a licensed driver. And no, daddy never got me out of a ticket, I have honestly never even been pulled over. But a speeding ticket and expired plates violation would be very uncool. Unsure, as my menopausal brain tends to not remember anything prior to the last meal I consumed (on my better days), I wandered out to check. FOOOOOO! They expired in May. Used to be that they went until the end of the month of your birthday, here in the Buckeye state (home of the Ohio State Buckeyes football team, the team that will kick Michigan’s sorry asses this football season, my dear beloved Knight!) and then the 2 week grace period set in. Now, you have like 7 days past your birthday. The tag still says the month, but when you go to purchase the new stickers, anything beyond the expiration date plus 7 days, will cost an additional $20. Naturally, mine are late.
Thankful that these can be renewed online, I sat down to do just that. Halfway through that process I needed my plate number. OMG REALLY? Back out I went to write it down. I have no clue what the plate number is! So, I am now armed with that printed piece of paper showing I did in fact purchase the new stickers ($78 flipping dollars later). I am hoping that will suffice if I should end my record streak of not being pulled over by the local law enforcement types.
The second surprise was this morning, in the bathroom. I was busy applying my face for the day (the older one gets the harder it is to look this amazing), when in the mirror I spotted it. Repelling downward from the ceiling, on a nearly invisible line was a rather large spider. Now, if my son were the one standing there looking in the mirror, carefully applying guy-liner, there would have been a long line across his face and he’d have ran screaming like a girl, to the furthest point in the house. This being the same child, mind you, who has been a deputy for 11 years now and carries a gun, tazes and is shot at by others. But he doesn’t live in the castle so instead I was the victim of the arachnid surprise. And the Knight was no where around either, having loaded up his horse and rode off to work. Without even thinking I dropped the eyeliner on the sink, turned around and clapped both hands together, squashing the little 8-legged creeper. SMACK and it’s now a smudge. The spider ninja strikes again. You can hold the applause, I know, I’m cool and you are amazed and jealous of my incredible talents.
Don’t mess with us Buckeye fans!