Saturday Coffee Musings…
Relaxing Celtic harp music playing in the background – CHECK!
Hot cup of coffee within reach – CHECK!
Okay I can muse now. 🙂 It is the weekend and for a change I have N-O-T-H-I-N-G I have to do. No workshop, hair, nails or other appointments. It’s all about doing not-a-darn-thing and I’m liking it.
Before I go any further, I wanted to explain that, upon seeing the movie, “Wreck-It Ralph” with Cowboy and my granddaughter, he and I jokingly refer to each other as Vanellope and Ralph. We both related well to those characters. He is actually more a blend of Ralph and Fix-It Felix. Built a lot like Ralph, he goes on a job site and ‘wrecks’ it (rips out the damage), before his Felix side fixes the water/fire/storm damage. He used to build houses, and has a very impressive portfolio of designer homes and buildings to his name, all over the world. He is often misunderstood, like Ralph, but has a heart of gold. Me…I relate to being a ‘glitch’. I am a bona-fide misfit of sorts. But remember, that glitch turns out to be a princess after all. As I roll through this life I do have to remind myself at times that while I am a glitch, I’m the daughter of the King, the creator of this world, and while a prodigal one at that, I AM a princess.
Last night I had a few drinks and popcorn with my mom and niece, and fell asleep on mom’s bed while we all watched TV. Earlier in the day I had received a call from my other niece to check on me and be sure I was okay. I am very fortunate to have a family that wraps around one of its own and loves them through the boo-boos life inflicts at times.
Ralph has checked on “Vanellope” a few times too, concerned about my heart and mind being bruised from the book I mentioned yesterday, and the unkind character assassination written of me. Over many miles on his Harley (nearly 5,000) and many beers he has listened as I have shared my pain over not being with the ex, losing my home, and the close contact I had with my kids when I lived there. My fun neighborhood and many friendships, all of which the ex retained “custody” of when he divorced me and kept the life I had been a part of. Ralph, like many of my readers, knows how shattered I was through the divorce and he knows that the two most priceless people in this world, to me, are my son and daughter. Naturally, he also knows that when someone hurts me I have a tendency to want to make them “bleed”. I will go on the attack and do all I can to inflict back every drop of pain x 10 that they caused me.
I was hurting for my sister too, who, while it was credited to me and my insanity in the story, was attacked in the book as well. My sister who has a friend from all the way back to high school. A beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit and voice, who is dying from liver cancer. A woman who has praised God every single day throughout her chemo and battle that she is losing, dying a very unkind death, and yet she gives God glory in everything she does. Her faith inspires so many of us, and has especially moved my sister. When Jodi was losing her hair, she praised God that she is more than her hair, and many of her friends shaved their heads in support, as did my sister. She went one step further and had a tattoo done on her scalp with a green ribbon (the symbol for liver cancer) and the words “for Jodi”, and until Jodi leaves this world all the ladies are staying bald with her. My sister participated in a fund raiser to assist with her friend’s medical bills, and keeps us all updated. Jodi is currently recording a praise album, though her voice is starting to fail her as the cancer is sucking the life out of her, she never gives up and thanks God everyday. This beautiful act of support and love for another, my sister shaving her head, was made fun of and made light of, in the book. It broke my heart because it wasn’t enough to attack me, it was extended to my family members as well.
I went to bed only to wake up and cry some more during the night, and pray. This morning I woke up with the following verse heavy on my mind and heart:
Expanded Bible (EXB)
29 Don’t ·say anything that will hurt others [L let any rotten/unhealthy word come from your mouth], but only say what is ·helpful [good] to ·make others stronger [build others up] ·and meet [L according to] their needs. Then what you say will ·do good [give grace; be a gift] to those who listen to you.
New King James Version (NKJV)
29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
I have meditated on it all day when I felt the urge to unleash a hell storm of emotion and try to strike back and inflict pain in return. It has kept me in check. There won’t be a tell all blog or book from me trashing my ex. While he enjoys telling folks that there are no skeletons in his closet because they are seated in the open on the couch, I do know of plenty still hidden that he’d not want anyone, especially his children, to know. Instead I will do as I have done for quite some time now: pray for my ex and his new wife. For peace, joy, good health and prosperity in their life, and in the lives of my children.
I may be a crazy, nutty, bleached out and sometimes pink haired glitch, but I am dearly loved by many, and loved by One who was willing to suffer and die to save my wretched soul.
I am a princess in the only royal family that matters.
And on that note, I will put the topic in a box to join others on the shelf of the past, behind me, where it belongs.