I know that will strike many as rather odd, considering how shattered I was when my marriage ended.
Being single, I’ve learned a lot more about myself than I knew before. With me being the only primary responsibility and priority, I have had a chance for much reflection on who, what, where, when, why and how regarding myself. I’ve discovered things about me that I’d totally forgotten. I can be whoever or whatever pleases me at the moment and don’t have to sleep with or really care one bit about what those who are critical of my choices have to say about it. I can take risks, explore, etc. the world around me and myself in MY time and do it all my way. And I can fail at anything and not be criticized by anyone that matters to me.
I know it may sound selfish, but I don’t mean it too. I think it is very important that we stay in touch with our true, inner self. Often in a relationship of any great length, we let go of our inner self in order to hang on to the other person, sacrificing who we are to make another happy. There is much maturity and self awareness that doesn’t usually come along until we have some living under our belts and sadly, most of us don’t have it when we marry young, as I did. Relationships should be a blending of two people without either giving up who they are or parts of who they are, in order to make things work. Compromise is fine, but not Photoshopping ourselves. No one is worth our priceless self that does not willingly accept what they view as our imperfections. You want my best, you have to take the worst too. I’m not a menu.
When the day comes that I get married again, my mate will be getting a far better person than the previous one had. I know who I am now, and I’m not willing to negotiate me any longer. And that, for the sake of both parties, will actually be a far better relationship arrangement than I was in before. It is why more and more I think toward an arranged marriage, not one of someone else establishing for me, but me and the next significant other arranging based first on common sense, logic and reason, then attraction, and then let the love grow from the friendship and fondness. Frankly I think it will have more staying power.
I’m thankful for the freedom that helped me find me.