Okay I haven’t done that…yet. But my Biker knows it is on my lengthy list of things I want to do. I hate to call it a bucket list, it’s more of a dream list of things to do with my best friend, my lover, my other half, the one that carries my heart in his hands.
I know for many it seems we are moving rather quickly toward marriage. Keep in mind, I’m no stranger to falling in love. I’ve been married twice and have a number of very serious relationships under my belt. I’ve been in love, and I’ve been head over heals in love, and I even know what it is like to love heart, soul, body and mind with every cell in me. That one divorced me. Go figure. But once again, I find myself with feelings like that. Feelings that put someone at the center of my world. I know, I said it would never happen again. Never say never. So what, so twice in my life I will experience a love that transcends all other loves I’ve known. Only this time it is with a man that doesn’t want to change a single thing about me.
I’m very socially connected. Wide open book, I check in everywhere on various social media outlets. I pour my heart and soul out on my blog at times. He knows this, has set no limits on my doing this.
I love to wear pink streaks in my hair. He loves it.
Sometimes I may decide to dye my hair a different color. He encourages it.
I want more tattoos. He is designing them.
I have a temper at times, though much less of one thanks to my meds. When I lose it, he gets affectionate and kisses, hugs and loves me off the edge of the cliff, all the while thinking I am an adorable little spit fire when I’m pissed off.
I’m loud and obnoxious, he doesn’t mind one bit.
If I flip him off with my middle finger, he doesn’t get pissed or take it as an insult, he grabs me up in a bear hug and says “okay baby, let’s go” and heads for the bedroom.
I’m kind of a freak, he is too and adores my freaky side and my very vanilla side.
He loves ME, wants me to be ME and be free from any cages or boxes.
He thinks I’m beautiful at my most unattractive moments.
On our recent trip to Alabama last weekend, two things DID get crossed off that list of dreams/fantasies. His Navy brother was getting married so we went down for the wedding. During the outdoor reception, once it was dark, a romantic tune was playing. He pulled me out of my chair and onto the front lawn, and we slow danced under the stars. SO much love in those eyes while we danced and he kept touching my face telling me I was beautiful, it was so sweet and wonderful. And without giving away details….we made love in the sunshine on the return trip, still thankful for those remote locations off the beaten paths that allow for spontaneous moments to become awesome memories.
Yes, it is life in the fast lane at the moment. I’m okay with that. And it has not come without a price. My son, my oldest child, has cut me from his life. He drew a line in the sand that he will have nothing to do with me if I’m with a 1%er. He feels I do not know what I’m doing. I’ve researched more than he knows, come to find out that even a fellow law enforcement friend of his has a lot of misinformation about this brotherhood my man is a part of, out and out wrong information. But they will believe what they want to believe, I’m seeing it from another side and see a totally different picture.
I’m not choosing my Biker over my son. I’m choosing MY happiness. I’m about to be 49yo. I’m no stranger to life and problems, love and heart break. I’m no fool, I do my homework. I judge by the character of the man, not the patch on the vest. I am not getting any younger. Life is there, and I won’t stand outside the fire because it is safe. Someone has come along that makes me HAPPY. He loves me for ME, not who he can change me to be. He is honest, real, has a heart of gold and while he is a bad boy, he is a very very good man. He loves his Lord, loves his brotherhood, takes care of those in the world that need help, and he loves me. I’m choosing to be the center of someone’s world.
I want to dance, with my Biker, in the rain, as his wife.