Shame On The Other Woman?
*Walks in, puts soap box down, jumps up on it*
I’m reaching the end of my tolerance for people trashing “the other woman” when a man is found cheating. In fact my dear sisters that want to bad mouth these women, you need to have some sense knocked into you. Quit slamming our fellow females and put the blame squarely where it belongs, on the cheating man! It is time for the ones doing the betraying to be held responsible and not the person they were getting it on with.
I will use my own experience as an example. I started seeing someone that I was very attracted too. It wasn’t just a physical thing, we connected on many levels. We went out, and yes we had a physical, intimate relationship as well, right off the bat (come on folks, we’re adults, this is 2011, sex happens and happens right away so get over acting like you are shocked when it does). I asked him if he was single, and was told he was divorced and not involved with anyone. I believed him, what reason would I not? And, as I was single, I didn’t have a commitment to be concerned about. All I had to go on was his word and I trusted him. As it turned out…he was in fact very married. Now, who is to blame here? Not me, I’m not the one that was in a committed relationship and failed to share that rather important piece of information. I got MY heart broken because I was being lied too just as much as his wife was being deceived. The responsible party here is the man who was married and cheating on his wife! I didn’t make the commitment, it is not my responsibility to keep that commitment to her…it is HIS!
Look, I get it, I’ve been cheated on in my lifetime a few times. It hurts and we want to blame someone, so we lash out at the other woman (or if we are guys we go kick some dude’s ass). Suddenly the other woman, the innocent-and-unattached-didn’t-make-a-commitment one is called a home wrecker, whore or worse. Never mind that she was never informed that said cheating dirt bag was married or otherwise attached, we want to blame the person that isn’t in the now shattered bond of trust. We let our sisters take the blame and responsibility for something the man did. If he tells me he is single and I go sheet dancing with him and later it is found out he is sort of or very much attached, that is HIS DAMN FAULT. He needs to take ownership of his screw up and we need to put the blame ON HIM!
As women we get all worked up, what does she have that I don’t have? We start picking apart the other female when the person that needs to be picked apart is the cheater, not the woman he cheated with. We love our men so we don’t want to rip them up too much, so we blame the woman, she must be a whore or a slut. Um…NO LADIES! She is a victim in this situation too! She was lied too, and in a sense cheated on by the dishonest man who KNEW he made a commitment and chose NOT to honor it. Remember, her time is invested in him, so is her heart. He deceived her and you! I don’t care how pretty, sexy, or tempting that lady is, I don’t care what you think she did to lure your man away…HE made the decision to jump in the sheets with her. HE was in the committed relationship, HE is the one that made a promise, and HE is the one that broke it. Not the other woman. It is NOT her fault. AND if by chance she did know he was attached, as I know there are women that love going after married guys, it doesn’t matter if she DID do all she could to lure him to her bed. If he goes, it’s HIS FAULT not hers. HE broke the commitment, HE cheated, HE made the decision to go for it rather than walk away.
How about we start blaming the one who cheated, and leave the one they cheated on us with out of the picture. No one held a gun to his head ladies, no one forced him. He made a conscious decision to leave your bed and go to hers. Which SHOULD tell you something about where you stand with him. Don’t be upset that you were lied too, be upset that you were not worth the truth! And put the blame on the right party.
*gets down off my soap box*
*DISCLAIMER – I know, women cheat on husbands/boyfriends too, but lately I’ve seen several ‘other women’ trashed when the cheater should be to blame*