The Dating Diaries ~ Life In The Moment…
As my readers have likely picked up on, I LOVE P!nk, love The Greatest Hits So Far album, and thank my baby sister for buying it for me. I ripped it to my PC and the CD is in my car, I love everyone of the 16 songs except number 10, but I’m too conservative for that one.
One of my favorite songs on the album is “Glitter In The Air”, a great love song. I know the feeling of being touched so gently I wanted to cry. Looking fear in the face (fear of getting my heart broken yet again) and saying “I don’t care” and letting myself FEEL again. Of not wanting a night to end, wondering if it could ever get better than that moment. And all because of one man. A man I met online through a dating site. A man that emailed me and I didn’t respond for a few days, and damn near didn’t at all. A man who was about to give up on finding the one, but gave it another shot. That man, of course, is the Count. AKA: Steve. But you know me, I love nick names. My very own Mikhail Dubrinsky.
Trusting has been the hardest thing for me to do. I trusted for 22 years, and that got me no where but alone and emotionally destroyed. I tried again, 2 more times, and those were just more breaks in my heart. I was done at that point. Dating was a way to just get out and meet men, I really didn’t plan on finding the one, this Cinderella had long given up on finding the fairy tale prince. Yes I was looking, but I did not feel like that was even a remote possibility. I kept meeting guys that were totally smitten with me, but it wasn’t mutual. Many read my blog pages, had the full story, knew that I was the ‘nut case’ the ex feels I am, (they all find me quirky cute in every aspect with one guy that was the exception, and thought the ex had a hole in his marble bag) and wanted me anyway. I knew 23 years ago without a word being said, not even knowing my ex husband’s name so I knew that chemistry would be there or not be there. Sure, things develop over time, but there is this initial draw, like two magnets, and it hadn’t happened.
Then came the email from The Count, expressing interest. I read his profile, looked at his photos, and decided to think on it. My plan was to delete all my online accounts and toss in the towel. I had dated 12 men already and not yet found that undeniable pull. I waited a few days to reply, but many times I went back to his profile. Something in his eyes drew me in, again and again. I didn’t feel I matched his criteria so wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, but I finally replied. Then we talked on the phone. I was still terribly hesitant to meet. But deep down something was stirring and that something would not let me out of this. I agreed to meet him for dinner.
Little did I know that when I walked into the meeting place, my life was about to shift dramatically. The man looking back at me as I walked in the door had the most amazing eyes. I swear they could pierce a hole in steel, and when he looked in my eyes he looked straight inside my heart and soul. There was instant chemistry and draw. It was very scary to me. I’ve kind of sat on that fear a good deal since. Not fear of HIM, but fear of the intense feelings I have for him, from the beginning! My heart was way ahead of my brain and that was scary. I was just waiting, after each date, to hear that he just wasn’t feeling it.
Instead, he is feeling it too. We text like a couple of teenagers! I got flowers last week for no reason other than he was thinking about me and wanted me to know this. He doesn’t hold back at all telling me how he feels about me. When we are together, for no reason out of no where he will just stop, kiss me and tell me he loves me. We talk in terms of here and now, but also the future. a future that is me and him, side by side, building a life together. But we are going SO slow, taking our time, letting this bloom, grow and unfold it’s petals without rushing it. There is no hurry, the feelings are there and grow each day.
Will I get my heart broken again? I don’t believe so, but only time will tell. We’ve both suffered severe heart breaks at the hands of those we dearly loved, the ones we’d have gone to the ends of the earth for and back again. We are advancing with baby steps even though our emotions are miles ahead of us, and just enjoying this one day at a time.
The Count is part of my supporting cast now, photo and all. Love is awesome.