Happiness Is Finding The Toilet Seat Down
Life in a house with 5 women is never dull and boring. Chaotic, insane, lively, at times a tad hostile (the teen sisters DO fight at times), but never dull and boring. I will give you a slice of life in my world yesterday:
My daughter asked me if I would like to puppy sit my oldest granddog, Penny, for the day and over night last night. I love that dog and miss her a bunch since moving out of the prince’s shack so I always say yes. She arrived, cute as ever before lunch time with her security froggie (a stuffed toy she is into of late) and food to get us through her visit. Oh and treats, because Divas spoil their pets. Now, Penny had some bloating issues yesterday and was “in a mood” as the daughter put it. Seems my son had friends over to party round the fire pit and pool the night before and while he denies it, the dogs were treated to people food. This is bad news for me, because I know what the end result is going to be, something similar to what happened when Penny spent the night and ate all the cat food when no one was looking. If you’ve ever had a dog with a lower GI issue you will appreciate that tale.
During the afternoon, when the gurgling finally gave way to harsh reality for the pooch, I was sound asleep on my bed. I had struggled hard with insomnia the night before so I was beat. My sister fortunately had the dog outside and a major, smelly disaster was averted. We ate dinner on the deck with Penny getting her cable all tangled in chair legs trying to find food droppings. I swear if you split a 25 pound bag of food open on the floor, that dog would eat until she split down the sides and burst open like a bratt on the grill. When she wasn’t doing that she was on bunny watch, as if she could catch one.
Living in a house of women has its benefits. Aside from interesting displays of hormonal outbursts (all of which are destined for future novels I am writing), are the positives. You can always find the perfect outfit to wear, someone has something you can use, in your size and color. Makeup? Never a problem. With 4 Avon Ladies in the house we have every color under the sun, may we help you? We have no less than 20 bath gels, shampoos and conditioners in the one shower alone! What would you like to smell like today? We have you covered, we can fix a sista up! There are more combs and brushes in this house than silverware.
Near bedtime I was relaxing, hooking a blanket and sipping a glass of wine. I had just hung up the phone with The Count (have I mentioned I’m totally in love? Dating Diary update later today) when I heard what sounded like a bird hit my screen outside of my window. Penny? Na she doesn’t even lift her head, some guard dog she is turning out to be this time. Usually she barks at every noise she hears. I looked out of the blinds and my brother’s car is in the driveway. About that time voices reach us and Penny is out of my room running to see what is up. She never did bark. Not until later after he and mom visited and he was going downstairs, then she barks at him. Nice, glad he wasn’t an intruder, bit delayed on the alert system.
When I went to bed last night I knew that I would likely have to get up with the dog, that last episode is still deeply ingrained in my mind. Sure enough, around 3am she went from being curled up against my leg, to up against my chest, nose to nose, grunting and whining. There was definite urgency in her communication, I wasn’t ignoring this the risk was too great. I got right out of bed and when I opened my door she was all the way downstairs and at the back door before I could get to the end of the hallway.
I opened the sliding screen door and noticed a silhouette of a very odd looking bug on the glass of the sliding door…naturally on the inside. And it was big. I am night blind so that is about all the detail I could make out..big, weird shaped and on the inside. Oh swell. I closed the screen door and went and got a paper towel. The draw back of no men in the house is that sooner or later we have to kill creepy crawly things ourselves. I am usually the one that does this and more times than I care to count it is with my fist as there is nothing handy in a hurry to use to squash the little @#$%^&* ! Thankfully, with cats around, it doesn’t happen often. A bug is a toy to a cat.
I found the paper towels via the bright light given off by the microwave oven clock, and the light shining in the window from the deck. I should mention that on top of being night blind, I am terrified of the dark. Not sure what happened to all the night lights around this place but it is damn dark down here in the kitchen, and the family room is like the black hole. I’m less than thrilled about all this as I go to kill the bug. Slide open screen, crunch and squish. YUCK, my skin is crawling. I put the dog outside on her cable and wait. I have the light off on the back porch to avoid drawing any other multi-legged flying or crawling things to the door. Now I am hear something moving in the grass in the yard, moving toward the woods. Most likely a deer but I’m down here and my gun is up in my room, so knowing my luck it would be the boogie man.
Finally the dog is done purging whatever my son fed her, and we go inside. I give her a treat, because that is what I do when she alerts me to the need to be outside, NOW, and not on my bedroom floor. Now I need to use the bathroom. If you live with males you know that the odds are always good that if you sit down on the toilet in the dark, you are in for a wet, cold surprise….the seat will not be down. I smiled to myself there in the dark, no such rude, late night surprises when you live with all women! 🙂
Me and pupperdoo made our way back to bed. I love that she is a snuggler, but my cat is not impressed. She stayed away for the night opting to sleep with the other cats rather than in with me and the dog. I woke at 6am to the alarm clock, followed by smelly pup (dear daughter, this dog NEEDS a bath) up in my nose again whining.
Between letting the dog out, feeding little people breakfast, trying to feed cats and keep the dog out of their food, I have yet to have an entire, hot cup of coffee. BUT the toilet seat…is still down!
I love my life 🙂