I’ve come to the point of questioning myself and my blogging, as far as continuing on the current path, achieving a balance or just bailing. I have practiced a policy of non-censorship in my writing as far as sharing information from my thoughts and heart. My writing is my therapy and I just let things fly when I feel like it. But I have been given food for thought several times that makes me sit back and ponder.
I have been told people think I am some kind of a nut case, based on my postings. I admit freely, that in the early days of this blog page I was a mental and emotional train wreck. My world had been flipped on end and I was all over the map. I think most folks going through a divorce ARE all over the charts like that, the difference is my readers were given a look inside my heart and head, places the average soul isn’t so willing to share. I received plenty of emails from others telling me it was nice to see that they were not alone in feeling they were fragmented.
It is difficult at times to write knowing that something might upset someone I love and hurt their feelings. Or that what is said might impact them in other ways, as in friends reading it and thinking my offspring have a looney tune for a mother. Okay they do but that isn’t the issue. Sometimes when I vent it can put my kids or friends in a place of feeling they are stuck in the middle of say me and the ex husband. A lot of folks just don’t seem to understand I can be pissed as hell and vent it but that doesn’t mean I hate him. Fantasy dialog a friend used to call it. Where you make a remark like “life would be so much easier if so-n-so fell in front of a moving freight train”. Of course you don’t mean it, but venting does help one feel better.
I struggled with the idea of just not blogging anymore, however I love to write and don’t want to give it up. I am very open about things in my life, and that sometimes may be too much information for those close to me. But finding the balance of being true to myself, uncensored and still being careful how it impacts others…well it was giving me a headache to say the least.
This morning my blog buddy, Cinful Cinnamon, sent me a link to check out a blogger that has similar dilemmas and her solution. I like it.
I have started a page, The Private Thoughts of Marvi Marti. The page is part of this site, listed up top, that is password protected. Just because you ask doesn’t mean you will be given access. Those given the password must be trusted to keep what they read there to themselves. It is to protect the feelings of those closest to me. It is a look into my private thoughts, into my heart and only select individuals will be given that much access. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org to request access.
So, I feel better now that I can continue my page and still let it fly when something is itching to be written that might not sit so well with the audience of this page as a whole. Thanks, Cinnamon, fantastic idea!