The Dating Diaries ~ Background Checks?


I read an interesting blog today, How Well Do You Know Who You Are Dating?, that made me stop and think…just how well DID I know some of the men in my life in the past that I not only dated for a stretch of time, but slept next to at night, and married.  Sharing all aspects of my life with them, yet never bothering to check into their past before I put myself in potential harms way wasn’t real smart for a cop’s kid.  I know better!

There are plenty of horror stories that could be CSI or Forensic Files episodes, but they don’t all end in blood baths.  Some are just cases of being taken for every dime of savings, or finding oneself in a relationship with a violent person or obsessive stalker.  Everything can seem so right and yet be so wrong.  We either  miss the warning signs or the  other person is so skilled a manipulator that they can cover their negative character traits for a time to wrap us around their heart and little finger.

So should we conduct a background check on potentials?  Certainly asking to see the current divorce decree isn’t out of the question is it?  For that matter all of them if there have been multiple marriages.  And what about those criminal background checks, run them?  How about credit checks while at it, much  can be gleaned that way as well.

Multiple OVIs could indicate a serious drinking problem.

Domestic assault charges scream RUN LIKE HELL now!

Bad credit history could indicate someone that doesn’t handle finances very well or might even have a gambling problem.

Lengthy turn over in employment history could be a sign of someone that is very unstable and unreliable.

Personally my life is a pretty open book.  I don’t even have a parking ticket to my name, so I am more than willing to have any serious potential mates check me out.  I’ve been finger printed, have had a background check ran to do foster parenting, no skeletons lurking in my closets.  But what of the men out there wanting to date me?  If things went in a serious direction, how willing might they be to have me hire someone to nose around in their past?  I wonder….

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6 thoughts on “The Dating Diaries ~ Background Checks?

  1. You really think your dad didn’t run a b/c on every guy you mentioned? LOL!

    I think background checks – at least basic ones – aren’t a bad idea. I spent 8 years as a “skip tracer” and let me tell you, you can write someone’s life story off their credit report. When I was single (while a skip tracer), I would always run someone’s name through courtclerk.org to pull basics – traffic tickets, liens, evictions – evictions will usually tell you who they were living with – foreclosures, being sued by creditors, criminal charges. You can get the basics of the dates and events – you used to be able to pull the documents also but they’ve blocked that online now. Those are still available aa public record if you go down to the courthouse & hop on their computer. If I were getting serious, I think I’d go to the local precinct and ask for rundown on any police visits to their address. It might sound stalkerish – but if someone is bad news, do you really care? I think a reasonable person would understand the research so long as you were making a similar effort to find out what was below the paperwork on the surface.

  2. A while back I came up with this idea in response to a suggestion sent in to my blog.

    A Concept

    This idea was spawned by the convergence of Ohio’s suggestion to use whosdatedwho.com. to improve your odds of dating a celebrity, a $10 bill, and an overheard conversation.

    I received a $10 bill that was stamped with the notation the bill was registered with, and being tracked by, wheresgeorge.com. I went online and found out this particular $10 bill had been registered and placed back into circulation last year. I was the first person to report the bill, so the history showed that in a little over a year (down to minutes) the bill had traveled seven hundred some miles, three states, from the place of entry to my merchant’s cash drawer.

    As I was walking to my car, I thought about the web site whosdatedwho.com, which provides a chronological listing of who the celebrity has dated. While they do not provide physical locations for the couple, this is not difficult to discern, because you can Google the two names and find Blog and media accounts of the two being ‘sighted.’

    By the time I arrived at my house, I had remembered a conversation I overheard at a restaurant. A guy was telling his pals that he had dated a gazillion women in a five state area. Would a woman trust a guy who has this type of dating history? A prolific dater, who has a history of single date encounters. No.

    Put the three thoughts together and you have “WhereHasMyDateBeen.com,” a web site that tracks the dating history of people who are signed-up on dating web sites; who they dated, time between dates, locations, activities, and pictures of him/her and of his/her dates.

  3. Food for thought! When I dated online, a small percentage of me stayed skeptical about whether this person really was who they say they were. I relaxed a bit after I met their friends. Online is hard that way, as in the face-to-face world you usually have friends in common who would vouch for your date.

    That said, I think if I had done a background check on potntial partners, I might have saved myself the heartache of one bad breakup.

    Great post – going to link to it if you don’t mind. Enjoying your dating diaries a lot!

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