Wine & Cheese – 10th Serving

Every week on Wednesday I  devote a blog to whining.  Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.  I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile  just a bit more than normal.

WINE

Mobile Nasal Minners

I follow a blogger, Kristina, over at The Ten Minute Missive and she blogged about observing things people do in their car seemingly unaware they are being watched. Much to my surprise, one she left out that drives me bonkers is nose pickers!  Or nasal miners as she put it and I’m borrowing it because that is funny stuff right there.  And don’t you know, after commenting on the blog Monday, I am then headed to work on Tuesday morning and stop for a red light.  Glancing back in the review mirror I was treated to the vision of a man in his mid to late 20′s with fully half of his index finger buried in his nose!  I tried to look away but when I again glanced up at this train wreck he was holding his nostril open with both hands, trying to peer up his nose in his review mirror, then went mining for more!  SERIOUSLY???? Do you not realize that everyone around you is watching you while you dig in your facial cavern?  OMG and then? YES dear readers, you guessed it, apparently this is where he hides his breakfast because he proceeded to consume whatever morsel he found encased in his sinus cavity! AHHHHHHH!!! For crying out loud, if you must pick your nose, do not do this in the car and please, deposit the goods in a tissue, wipe it on your pants leg, whatever but please do  not eat it!!!!  I was tempted to walk back and offer him some wheat bread and a napkin from my lunch bag as I was pretty sure after that display I was not going to be hungry again anytime soon.

Tanning Bed Tell Alls

When I have the luxury of paying to fake-bake my ample rear in the tanning bed at the local vitamin D salon, I go there to relax.  I turn OFF my cell phone ringer, put on some bronzer, turn on the radio, the fan and lay back for a relaxing, 20 minute warm, naked nap.  NEVER fails as I’m in my virtual paradise watching Juan, the hot ass pool boy clean my cement pond, that a drama queen lands in the room next to mine and,  while worshiping the imitation sunshine on her side of the wall, she gets on her cell phone and launches into a minute by minute update on her soap opera romance to her totally bestest girlfriend….at the top of her lungs!! Just when I am about to seduce Juan out of his swim trunks the vision is gone as the Lindsay Lohan wannabe screeches out details to the entire establishment of her misguided love.  First if you must talk on the phone while tanning, lower the volume on your highly irritating voice.   Cats fighting is more soothing than the sounds coming forth from your vocal cords.  UV rays are bad for the phone display, and though mommy will likely buy you a new one right away if you ruin that one, you could miss an important text from lover boy if the screen ceases functioning, so maybe put that thing away?  Besides, some of us are trying to sleep and enjoy our well mannered, sexy fantasy guys over here, so STFU!!!!

Daddy Daycare???

I have a bone to pick with the dads out there.  I am SO sick of hearing dads refer to spending time with the kids, while mommy is away, as babysitting.  News Flash: YOU are dad, YOU are the other half of the parental unit, half of their biological gene pool.  Your time is called PARENTING. You are  not a babysitter.  You are their father, you are just as responsible as the mother for changing the kids diapers, feeding them, getting their meals, changing their clothes, kissing boo boos and applying a band-aid, anything that mom can do you can do too! You can load the dishwasher, do laundry, and care for the kiddos too, dad, your job did not stop at ejaculation.  Start acting like a parent and get involved with them, daddy!

CHEESE

SPIRIT WEAR In The Mail!

YIPPIE!!! My personalized Bengals jersey is  definite  cheese for me!   Made my whole day to come home and find it had  arrived,  as ordered.  I cannot wait to wear it! :)

Money In The  Mail!

Who cares if  it is only $2?  It is cash and with no strings attached.  Okay a small guilt string, a poll about beer (oh darn the luck) and they hope that the cash will be an incentive to respond to the poll.  And I will!  But yeah for money in the mail!

Banana Split!

We broke down and tried this new Mayfield ice cream we kept hearing about, and we in the Diva Den are SOLD!  This is good stuff, especially the Banana Split!!!  AND we get a free carton as the company is so sure you will love  their  product that they buy the first one!  Sure you have to send in the receipt and UPC but so what?  It was that good we want more!

DESSERT

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s
Advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

randomtuesday

This Blog Meme is sponsored by The Un Mom

Random Thoughts In Marvelous Martha’s Head Today

  • I really wish the ladies room was closer to my office, I hate walking so far away.
  • Why is it the damn phone will sit there silently until I am half way out of the door headed for the ladies room or coffee and THEN it rings?
  • I really think self sticking stamps and envelopes are the shit!
  • Skanky ho blond – thinking that is how heavily highlighted I want my hair today when I leave my stylist, I want the spray in pink dye to really stand out and be noticed.
  • Hmm..that guy on MySpace is cute, too bad he is a firefighter – DELETE – 3rd time may be a charm but I’m so done with men from that profession!
  • Wondering what the boss would say if I drew pictures all over the production board (it’s a whiteboard)?
  • I really feel bad taking Pixel kitten to the vet, she was freaked out and literally wrapped her front paws and legs around my neck. Poor baby is going to hate hate hate me next week when she goes for surgery. Spay and front de-claw and away from me for 2 nights *sad face*.   Getting a micro chip too so if she were to ever get out hopefully someone can find me and return her.
  • E-Harmony is a pain in the ass, I stopped at 85% complete on the survey.  I’m pretty certain at that point they already knew what toothpaste I use and what brand of toilet tissue.  I don’t need to go through that much information about myself, I am looking for fun, not a commitment.
  • I could use a cup of coffee right now.  I think the folks that run the lounge here and provide the free coffee need to learn about the mid-afternoon sleepies and stop locking up so early, WE NEED CAFFEINE DAMN IT!
  • Lovely, raining again. That means that traffic will suck so I will barely get to my hair appointment on time.
  • I have no idea how or why, but the Oscar Meyer Wiener song is stuck in my head today.  Seriously why would anyone WANT to be a wiener?? Being chewed up and swallowed doesn’t sound so pleasant to me!
  • Men in the midst of a midlife crisis dump their wives for women young enough to be their daughters, buy sports cars or Harleys and cover their gray among other things.  Exactly what is it us women are supposed to do?  Marry for money and hire a cute pool boy and play Mrs. Robinson?  Seriously, what DO we middle aged chicks do, cause I’m not about to sit around feeling sorry for myself! If the best revenge is living well, then I have some creative revenge living to do!
  • OMG is it 5 o’clock yet?  If I wasn’t heading out to do some radical ME pampering this day would fly by, but hell no it is C-R-A-W-L-I-N-G by!