Tag Archives: People

#5 ~ My Grown Up Christmas List

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5To see the full list click  HERE

#5 ~ My Brothers

I  love my brothers.  Both are amazing men, and great fathers to their children.  Both have good hearts, and both have made some mistakes in life.  But both have done their best to fix any wrongs and make them right.

Baby brother has a birthday tomorrow.  I still remember coming downstairs to see what St. Nick  brought us to find out my mom was at the hospital having him, and shortly after that learning I had another brother.

My other brother, younger than me, has a big event coming soon in his life as well, one that makes me very happy for him.

I wish them both all the happiness in this world, and love and blessings.

Family is the most important thing a person has on this earth, Grandpa Fred always told me that.

People are human.

People make mistakes.

People sometimes can be in so much pain already that they can find the demon under every rock, even if it only looks like it is there.

And sometimes people purposely set a stage to make others think there is a demon when there isn’t even a rock.

My prayer is for communication, forgiveness where it is needed, and understanding to see the truth.

I love you both with all my heart.

Friday Confessional On Saturday

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PhotobucketOops…Friday Confessional…on Saturday.

Because sometimes life happens!

Link up and confess – it is good for the soul.  And makes us all feel a bit better knowing we’re not the only under achievers.

Here it comes, this week’s dirty little secrets.

Right now I’m sitting on my pretty fingers.  I may never stop sitting on them where the subject of my psycho former sister-in-law-to-be is concerned, though at the moment it is all I have not to unleash my blog smack down on her.  The day the ink is dry and she is a OFFICIALLY former member of the family can never come soon enough.

 I could write my name on the furniture in my room this past week from the dust.  Actually, I could have written a book.  It’s clean now but wow.

I boycotted Black Friday shopping, even when my daughter called and wanted to hit a mall for a bit.  I love spending time with her but just did NOT feel like getting anywhere near a store.

My jeans were getting looser, but I’ve indulged in too much food the past few days.  And PMS is setting in again.  And I’ve not been diligent to drink a lot of water. *hangs head in shame*

I’ve had more than a few candy buckeyes.  They should be outlawed.  Wayyyy too yummy.

I went to bed at 8:50pm last night.  I slept until 7:30am this morning.  Fact is I could have slept more.

Okay, lame I know, but that is all that I’ve got for now.  I’m sure pressed to recall other things I could, but for now, that will have to do.

Day 10 ~ 30 Days Of Thankfulness 2012

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Today I am thankful for my grandchildren.  I have a spunky, red-headed granddaughter that I absolutely adore!  And sometime next month my grandson will arrive.

This has been an awesome time for me, adjusting to this grandparent chapter.  I became a grandma in March when my son married his beautiful (inside and out) wife and became daddy to her daughter.  We gained 2 very special ladies into the family that day and the time I get to spend with them is precious to me.  My granddaughter has the most contagious laugh and she is full of energy.  Today I spent time with her while her mom spent a day with the women from her family.

She has already taught me a few important things, like how to spoil an 8yo,  and that I need to get some games around here for her and I to play!

This little angel has wrapped the women in the Diva Den around her finger, and I am SO thankful for her in my life!

I received this in a text from my  son one evening a few weeks ago, and it absolutely made my day:

Day 8 ~ 30 Days Of Thankfulness 2012

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Today I am thankful for my kids.  Both are amazing adults, amazing people and have amazing hearts.

Both have become people I am very proud of!

In their own unique ways they never fail to cheer me up, make me laugh til my sides hurt and I’m crying.

Both would give a stranger the shirt off their backs, and both have reached out to help the under dogs in life.

They both had dreams for jobs and went after them, never looking back.

I love you both, you are major lights in my life, and I’m so very thankful to have you.

Things That Go Fuzzy In The Night

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No, not things that go ‘bump’ in the night, though thanks to things going fuzzy there was plenty of bumping going on.  I mean fuzzy, as in my cat’s very favorite toy.  Her Fuzzy.  I don’t know what else to call it other than a fuzzy, as that is what it is, a little fuzzy thing.   She hides it between the wall and the dresser to keep the other cats from getting to it.  So far back in fact that she cannot get to it either.  I have to stick a ruler or hanger back there to retrieve it when she wants it.  Well until the other day, not sure where she had it hidden but it was somewhere under my bed.

During the night, around midnight, I woke up to what felt like demons under the bed.  Pixel was under there digging around for what I later would learn was her Fuzzy.  I drifted off to sleep again only to wake to the bumping noises as she was playing kitty cat soccer with her Fuzzy behind the desk, under the desk, under night stand, under the bed, and on and on.  I got fed up and crawled down on the floor, found Fuzzy and got back in bed.  With Fuzzy clenched in my hand I started to drift off to sleep again.  I felt whiskers, then she licked my fingers, then she started to paw at my fingers in an attempt to get to her Fuzzy.  I guess I fell asleep because later I woke to the bumps in the night…again.

I am a patient woman but this was getting to be a bit much.  Kitty soccer and then she was in the bag with a blanket I’m working on, then out of the bag and I had just about enough again.  I crawled out one more time, this time taking Fuzzy and when I got back in bed, it went under the pillow.  Pixel hunted high and low around the bed until she realized where it was, then she climbed up on my pillows and stared down at me like a furry vulture for a while.  When that didn’t work, she curled up next  to me, never  taking her eyes off me until she fell asleep.  She was still there this morning waiting for me to give  her back her Fuzzy.  Now she is curled up on the bed, sleeping  on the spot on my blanket where Fuzzy is safely hidden underneath so the other cats cannot find it.

I wish I could get that focused on any one area in my life!

Fuzzy

Friday Confessional – Auto Correct Arranged Marriages

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Good grief, it’s Friday already?  Guess it is time for confessing all my sins for the week.  Jump on the hop/meme with us by clicking above.  Mamarazzi is on break but clicking the image will land you over at High Heeled Love where the link-up and confessions are taking place.

I confess…
I may have had just a little too much fun with my kids last night.  Not drunken insanity, more like drunk on good times.  My sides and stomach hurt from laughing so hard, its  the most work out my abs have had in…well a while.  My son texted me to see if I wanted to go to dinner with him, his wife and daughter.  I rarely turn down a free meal so I said yes.  He invited his sister along too (Thanks Bubbie, I love when we all spend time together and I don’t see you all enough).  My son is perhaps one of the few that doesn’t raise an eyebrow when mama orders a 32oz draft.  He knows I will take the entire meal to drink it, appetizers included.  Well most of the time.  He’d be the first person to land a second one in front of me.

I confess…
My kids can make me laugh like no one else.  We laughed til my mascara was pretty much cried off my face.  Even when something isn’t really all that amusing, my daughter has the most contagious giggle and laugh.  Sometimes I was laughing at her laughing.  And I confess much of what we were laughing about was  most inappropriate.  Just go to Damn You Auto Correct for examples of what nearly killed me inhaling tortilla  chips.  I couldn’t breathe at times I was laughing so hard.

I confess…
I am considering an ‘arranged’ marriage of sorts next time around.  Hold on, Cinnamon, my spicey friend, and read these 4 articles about romantic love and the science of arranged marriage.  You are probably the one person I know that will ‘get it’ better than others. Article 1 – What Is Romantic Love, Article 2 - How To Make Romantic Love Last Long,  Article 3 – How To Easily Fall Out Of Romantic Love, and Article 4 – The Science Of Arranged Marriages – How Do They Work.  I seriously figured out why my 22 year marriage failed.  Someone didn’t make ME center of his world like I did him.  The incurable flirt that he was, was a recipe for disaster.  But seriously I think the arranged marriage of logic and reason has merit.

I confess…
This FarmVille2 thing has me so buried.  Do yourself a HUGE favor and never ever go there!  Do not click the link and get suckered into playing it.  It is a cult of some sort and I’ve been brain washed into worrying about making cheese, harvesting wheat and envying someone named Walter for his farm, and he and the farm are no more than pixels grouped to LOOK like something cute and real.  The illusion is powerful, the addiction very real.  I need a 12 step program for this.

I confess…
I threw something at my cat this morning.  2 things actually.  I was too wired to sleep last night so I used the lavender oil on a spare pillow case to find the Sandman.  That worked like a charm but I was wide awake far earlier than I wanted to be because my darling little furry one was knocking on the closet door.  She paws at the door with her front paws while standing on the back ones, it sounds a lot like rapid knocking.  Not really loud as much as highly annoying when I am trying to sleep.  I usually let her in the closet to explore when I’m putting on my makeup in the morning because I can keep an eye on her while she is knocking things on the floor (I have a walk in closet with a dresser in there and she enjoys pushing things off the edge and watching them fall).  But I was not about to let her in there unsupervised and certainly not at 6am.  This was supposed to be my sleeping in day.  I finally waded up the pillow case and threw it at her.  She was back 5 minutes later, hell bent on getting in.  I threw my teddy bear next.  Not at her but at the door above her head so it would startle her.  That didn’t work either.   I just gave up and finally went in search of coffee, I know when I’ve lost the match.

I confess…
I am eating peanut butter crackers and drinking a diet coke for breakfast.  Don’t judge it sounded good to me.

I leave you with one of the things that got my daughter into a fit of giggles last night.  She had been on Pinterest and for whatever reason was searching on “Bob Cat” and this is what came up.  She laughed herself into tears that night, and again over dinner when she pulled it up to show her brother.  Scary thing is, I found it nearly as funny as she did.

Not Welcome Here!

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I think at some point in life we all dream of having wealth and fame.  To be a household name, with enough money to do whatever we desire on our bucket lists without worrying about how we’re going to pay the electric bill when we are done with our latest adventure.  Pulling up in front of a hotel in our limo, crowds going wild over our appearance when the door opens and our feet, wrapped in only the best designer shoes, hit the red carpet as we are quickly escorted by our security staff through the crowd.  I have no idea what I’d want to be famous for, mind you.  I cannot sing and I’m not one that enjoys being center stage so not sure that kind of fame would do it for me.  And I cannot act either so being a famous movie star isn’t likely to be my ticket to stardom either.  But I sure would not mind all the money and the special treatment that goes with having your name in lights.

Regardless of what would make us famous celebrities, we can dream of that kind of fame.  But what about the responsibility that goes with that well-known name and star on the Hollywood walk of fame?  I’m not talking about being a role model, because sooner or later a sports hero or singer is going to do something we do not want our children to emulate.  I’m thinking more in terms of the idea that having money and notoriety not being a free pass to act irresponsibly or even cross the line into criminal behavior.

In an article I was reading the other day, Top Celebs Banned by Hotels, I was a bit disappointed by the behavior of some, and not at all shocked by the behavior of other well known names of fame.  The  behavior of some of these  people is just juvenile and in many cases would land the average person in jail.  Do these celebrities think that their fame and money makes it acceptable for them to behave this way?  And when are we as ‘fans’  going to start demanding more from those we are making wealthy by attending their concerts and movies?  I don’t mean more as in above average, I’m just thinking in terms of responsible, adult behavior!

One example being John Travolta.  According the article it would seem he has a little trouble keeping his hands to himself when getting a massage in some hotels.  Never mind that the advances are on male employees, the mere fact that he would do this to anyone turns my stomach!  I wonder how long it would take a hotel to show a guest lacking fame and wealth the exit door for such behavior?  And Lil Wayne, he must have quite the reputation if he cannot even check IN to the Wynn, his reputation having preceded his arrival.  And then there is Britney Spears, behaving in a way publicly that no parent would permit from a toddler during dinner.  Some on the rest of the list were a bit of a surprise, others not so much.

What makes these people think that they are some how exempt from acting with some maturity?  Or is it just me?  Read the article and let me know what you think!

WHY I Am An Avon Lady

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It seems like SO long ago I was going to work every day in an office. For 26 years I worked for a company, spending a good deal of time at a desk, in front of the computer, working in that office away from my family. I missed a lot of important times in my children’s growing up years because I HAD to work, we needed the income.

After the economy went belly up, so did that job I had worked at for so long. I took a job managing an office for a painting company, but when late Autumn hit the job was done. Then I went to work for a heating and air company, but they went the way of the economy.

In an effort to generate some income I made the decision to start in-home childcare. Within a week I was watching 3 kids, all siblings. I picked up a part timer after school and an infant after the holidays that year. Not too bad, but that left me feeling like the walls were closing in on me. I was home, all day, sun up to sun down. I loved watching them, make no mistake about it, but it didn’t get me out of the house. My conversations were about characters in the popular children’s television shows. I needed to do something that would get me out of the house when possible.

I had always loved Avon products so I decided to look into being a representative. Imagine my shock when I found out it was only $10 to start my own beauty business. I met with Renee, my ‘upline’ person, learned a lot in an hour, and I was off! No inventory, no big expense, just $10 out of my pocket and I had my kit, I was an Avon lady. And I was excited!

Immediately my mom and sister decided this was an opportunity for them as well, and they signed up! I was already building a downline and I quickly found a few customers. This was pretty easy, so I stuck to it.

One of the first benefits was the monthly district sales meetings. I was connecting with other women, having intelligent conversations and learning about running my own business in a very fun atmosphere. This group of women made me feel like one of the team, applauding accomplishments, sharing ideas, it did a lot for my need to have something outside of the house, a hobby of sorts.

It was early on that I saw the potential for real income with Avon. While some women do it just for the hobby or outside interest, I saw the opportunity to make this a career. I started looking at the top sellers, and the ‘rich and famous’ of Avon. The Lisa Wilber and Barb Avery types. I read their web pages and blogs, watched them in videos, listened to them in interviews and thought to myself, “if they can do this, so can I!”. These were not people that went to Harvard for business degrees, these were average gals with a dream and some desire to achieve those dreams for themselves. And OH have they achieved the dreams.

I knew what I wanted, I wanted to work for ME. To sleep in some days if I wanted too. To be my own boss and not have to answer to anyone else if I wanted a sick day because I was sick of doing anything at all. And I wanted financial independence, freedom to buy what I want when I want it.

Not being one to reinvent the wheel, I started to study the things the top achievers like Lisa and Barb were doing. I kept going back and listening to their interviews, reading things they suggested, and I began to apply those things. And with that, I began to see some success.

I also started to gain something I’ve struggled with…self confidence. Every sale, every recruit, every mile stone I’ve achieved has fueled my self confidence. I look at myself in the mirror and I KNOW I can do this, and that one day I will be up there in the top ranks, and my name will be a household name among the other Avon representatives. That people will want to know how I achieved my goals. I KNOW without a doubt that I can have my dreams, my ‘whys’ for even starting this. I know this because I’ve seen others that have done it, and I’ve seen the beginnings of the mile stones starting to be achieved for myself.

Once school got out this year, I stopped watching children and launched into Avon full time. The first thing I realized is I don’t have to work 40 hours at this every week. I can do this 25 hours a week IF I really work it for those time periods. And I realized that this can be a part of everything I do each day. If I am out window shopping, I am prospecting other women! If I am at the library, I will talk to anyone about this opportunity. If I pass women at the coffee shop, I give them each a brochure and get their contact information so I can touch base to get their orders. Every where I go there is opportunity! And I can do it all day, every day, any chance I have while going about my LIFE. Yes, I have a LIFE and I’m LIVING that life while achieving my dreams and whys.

The best part is I get to help other women (and a few good men!) do the same thing! Spend more time with family, really LIVE life while making the money, achieving their dreams and goals, or just enjoying a hobby. Whatever it is they want to get out of this opportunity, I am helping them and making life long friends a long the way.

Avon is the #1 direct selling company in the world. I am proud to be a part of that. I’d be honored to have YOU as a part of my team!

Simply go to: Start Avon and use the code: martigardner when you sign up online. You will need a credit card for that $10 investment. Your starter kit will arrive in 3-7 days. And you will become a part of something special…an opportunity to work with some of the best people around, make new friends, achieve your goals and dreams, and work for YOU! I will help you, train you, support you and cheer you on! Why NOT you? And why NOT today?

The Dating Diaries ~ Of Judging Others

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Things have progressed fast and furious with The Biker.  It’s what happens when you put together a hurricane of a man with a tornado of a  woman.  But it’s like when you stick two negative numbers together you get a positive, a concept I simply do not grasp.  The two titanic size personalities we possess make for quite the equal match.

He is very intelligent, articulate and creative.  This Navy vet has raised his hand and served his country 4 times.  He is patriotic to a fault.  And his heart carries a thousand scars to match the  ones he has from serving his beloved country.  As I mentioned before, he is the most generous person, giving anything he has for another in need.  He takes in stray people and gets them back on the rails again.  He will fight against wrong, and beside those  in the right.  Meet him outside of the biker image, when he is working, you’d never guess the other part of his life. Or when he is sharing the gospel with a street person or someone else.

He is a biker.  A member of what some would call an outlaw motorcycle gang.  It’s a club, not a gang.  And  he is his own man.   He has no criminal record, lives within the laws even the ones he  thinks are absurd.  Decked out in his leather, yes he appears intimidating.  He runs with a rough and rowdy crowd.  But he is still himself within their ranks.  In talking to my daddy it was discovered that in 30+ years of law enforcement he never had a run in with this group the Biker calls ‘family’.

A few have judged him based on other’s actions.  Not everyone that wears the colors is a good person.  But then,  not every cop, firefighter, lawyer, housewife, teacher etc are good people  either.  Teachers  with sex charges against minors doesn’t mean all teachers are bad.  Just because a good number of priests have molested young boys doesn’t make all in that calling a pedophile.  Everyone who lives on “the other side of the tracks” isn’t a generational welfare drain.  Just because someone is of any race, color, profession, ethnic origins…whatever it is they are, doesn’t make them bad because a  handful  of others  are that happen to carry the same label.   I  HATE STEREOTYPING!!!  I believe in judging another for their own character and heart.

MANY cops and fire fighters I know will  have a few  too many and drive, but those that judge my Biker still run with them.  Last time I checked, DUI is still illegal, a crime, so your badge brothers are criminals that just haven’t been  caught.  Just because a few go bad doesn’t taint the whole profession.

I’ve been told how trashy women are who have tattoos by someone sitting across from me who would tell you I am all class.  All the while  they had no clue this classy chick has some ink, some pretty decent sized pieces.  I have more class in my little finger than the one judging me that is ink-less.  Kiss my ass for judging ME.  Yes you did judge me, though you know nothing of those tattoos, you’re judgement would be there had you known of my expressive art work rather than  taking time to know me.  I was judged for my nose ring by the Count’s mama.  Not harshly but it was mentioned to him.  Again, kiss my ass.

I’m angry yes.  I was judged for  my lifestyle when I was a swinger.  That judgement came based on swingers who did do drugs, and other less than savory behavior, a good deal of it illegal.  But I was not like that, and I did not appreciate those that would judge me for it.  It frankly pissed me off.  I don’t like my Biker judged.  I’ve taken time to learn who he is, and that man has a heart of  gold.  Yes, I checked him out, he has no secrets, no record, nothing to hide.

I am aware of my children being far less than thrilled in my choice.  I’m sorry that they pass judgement on someone that  they do not even  know, based on the patches on his vest.  It is their loss.  He will protect them as they are my family, because that is his heart.  They matter to me so they matter to him.  His ‘family’ matter to me as well.  I judge each individually on their own merit,  not the actions of those that have chosen  to go wrong.

The Marvi one is about  to turn 49 years  old.  She is done raising her children,  they are adults now.  I am divorced and therefore free to be ME for the first time in my life.  For 2 years now I’ve dug out ME from under  everyone else’s idea of who and what I should be.  I have a big heart, I took in strays, I am a sinner saved by God’s grace.  I’m soft on the inside but I’m tough on the outside.  And I am at a stage  in my life to make choices for MY happiness.  And the  Biker makes me very very happy.  He doesn’t want to put me in a cage or a box,  he wants to be  wind beneath my wings, support my business and encourage me to just be me.  He wants to fly side by side with me.

I am sorry that some will not get  to know him and judge this man as an individual.  It is their loss.  I am not passing up happiness because someone else doesn’t “approve”.  I’m done playing that game.  I’ve spent nearly my entire life living per someone else’s standards.  Now it is MY turn, I get to live by my own.  Mine are a man with a big ass heart,  who reads God’s Word, tries his best to live that Word, who loves me,  protects me,  would provide for my every need if I let  him, who let’s me be me from my nose ring, to more ink, to pink streaks in my crazy auburn hair. Who supports MY dreams and desires, who wants to be a team, wants a partner, a companion. A man who works hard (he is a fair,  honest, but ruthless business man) for what he has, and wants to share it all with me.

He has indeed used the ‘M’ and ‘W’ words (marriage,  wife) *shudder* but knows that is down yonder road, I’m not ready.  He tells me every day how much he adores me.  Yes he uses that word along with ‘love’.  He wants to take time to be sure I am real, that this strong, bull headed, stubborn, short fused, giggly, wacky, marvelous, intelligent, sleeps with a teddy bear woman who snores like a freight  train is not just putting on a good act.  He has read damn near every blog post I’ve written, now he wants to be sure that the writer is everything she seems.  Multi-faceted, moody, free flying, free spirited, deeply emotional, jealous and possessive, open and caring, all he  has found within my pouring out my heart in my writings.  One of my Divas has  told him, yes that is the woman sitting next  to you, it is really her heart and mind in those writings.  They are cautiously optimistic, they don’t want to see me hurt again.  He says I am him, with a vagina, the female version of himself.

He knows what he was looking for, and feels he found it in me. He asks me all the time where I’ve been hiding.  I wonder the same thing about him.  My bad boy/good man with a heart the size of Texas.

Go on, judge him.  Hopefully in time you will see he makes me happy, loves me, and that very good men wear those patches.  Until then, it is your loss.

Shame On The Other Woman?

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*Photo credit - click photo to go to it's origin*

*Walks in, puts soap box down, jumps up on it*

I’m reaching the end of my tolerance for people trashing “the other woman” when a man is found cheating.  In fact my dear sisters that want to bad mouth these women, you need to have some sense knocked into you.  Quit slamming our fellow females and put the blame squarely where it belongs, on the cheating man!  It is time for the ones doing the betraying to be held responsible and not the person they were getting it on with.

I will use my own experience as an example.  I started seeing someone that I was very attracted too.  It wasn’t just a physical thing, we connected on many levels.  We went out, and yes we had a physical, intimate relationship as well, right off the bat (come on folks, we’re adults, this is 2011, sex happens and happens right away so get over acting like  you are shocked when it does).  I asked him if he was single, and was told he was divorced and not involved with anyone.  I believed him, what reason would I not? And, as I was single, I didn’t have a commitment to be concerned about.   All I had to go on was his word and I trusted him.  As it turned out…he was in fact very married.  Now, who is to blame here? Not me, I’m not the one that was in a committed relationship and failed to share that rather important piece of information.  I got MY heart broken because I was being lied too just as much as his wife was being deceived.  The responsible party here is the man who was married and cheating on his wife! I didn’t make the commitment, it is not my responsibility to keep that commitment to her…it is HIS!

Look, I get it, I’ve been cheated on in my lifetime a few times.  It hurts and we want to blame someone, so we lash out at the other woman (or if we are guys we go kick some dude’s ass).  Suddenly the other woman, the innocent-and-unattached-didn’t-make-a-commitment one is called a home wrecker, whore or worse.  Never mind that she was never informed that said cheating dirt bag was married or otherwise attached, we want to blame the person that isn’t in the now shattered bond of trust.  We let our sisters take the blame and responsibility for something the man did.  If he tells me he is single and I go sheet dancing with him and later it is found out he is sort of or very much attached, that is HIS DAMN FAULT.  He needs to take ownership of his screw up and we need to put the blame ON HIM!

As women we get all worked up, what does she have that I don’t have? We start picking apart the other female when the person that needs to be picked apart is the cheater, not the woman he cheated with.  We love our men so we don’t want to rip them up too much, so we blame the woman, she must be a whore or a slut.  Um…NO LADIES! She is a victim in this situation too!  She was lied too, and in a sense cheated on by the dishonest man who KNEW he made a commitment and chose NOT to honor it.  Remember, her time is invested in him, so is her heart.  He deceived her and you!  I don’t care how pretty, sexy, or tempting that lady is, I don’t care what you think she did to lure your man away…HE made the decision to jump in the sheets with her. HE was in the committed relationship, HE is the one that made a promise, and HE is the one that broke it.  Not the other woman.  It is NOT her fault.  AND if by chance she did know he was attached, as I know there are women that love going after married guys, it doesn’t matter if she DID do all she could to lure him to her bed.  If he goes, it’s HIS FAULT not hers.  HE broke the commitment, HE cheated, HE made the decision to go for it rather than walk away.

How about we start blaming the one who cheated, and leave the one they cheated on us with out of the picture.  No one held a gun to his head ladies, no one forced him.  He made a conscious decision to leave your bed and go to hers.  Which SHOULD tell you something about where you stand with him.  Don’t be upset that you were lied too, be upset that you were not worth the truth!  And put the blame on the right party.

*gets  down off my soap box*

Things I Can't Say

*DISCLAIMER – I know, women cheat on husbands/boyfriends too, but lately I’ve seen several ‘other women’ trashed when the cheater should be to blame*

Learning To LIVE Again

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Recently I came across Andy Rooney’s I’ve Learned – The Art Of Happiness.  2 things really stood out to me (okay the whole thing stands out to me but due to a personal, internal struggle, 2 of them really jumped out at me).

“I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.”

and…

“I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.”

I’ve really been struggling lately regarding relationships and exactly what it is that I want in one.  Friends with benefits works well in theory but there is no way that two people can spend time together as friends without some type of bond forming.  We have control over our emotions to some degree, but I don’t believe that we can make ourselves love or not love someone else.  Therefore we must chose wisely who we spend time with, flirt with, and share with knowing that the possibility is always there.  How committed we are and how much we love someone has little bearing on what can happen with another that we get too close too.  We can chose to walk away when we sense that feelings are developing but we cannot control the chemistry that happens between two people.  Add sexual intimacy to the mix and I do not believe it will remain void of emotion.

I was never one to flirt around outside of my marriage beyond a surface level.  I knew all too well that chemistry happens and when the right mix occurs between any man and woman, sparks can fly.  I only flirted within safe boundaries, with those I didn’t feel a real attraction towards, that way I could keep it fun.  Of course that too is playing with fire in that I had no way of knowing how the object of my attention might react.  Attraction is often one sided.  I also know that men rarely think with their hearts or their larger heads, so a little flirting can get a girl in a heap of trouble.  Guys are weak, and thrive on female attention.  Any female with half a brain picks up on this early in life and plays the flirt card to her advantage.  It may get  your tire changed on the road side, or free drinks all night at a bar.  It is also a power game when you can persuade an otherwise faithful man to your bed for the night even though he may have a beautiful, adoring wife at home (trust me 26yrs ago I played this game).  Men are just pigs enough that they never seem to catch on that they are being used by the flirty little tart as part of a game to make herself feel powerful.  She might even play that game a long time before setting her prey free to face the consequences of his actions.  For some such women it isn’t a win until he has left his wife and all that was important behind, only to be dumped soon after.  Men are pigs, women are vicious she devils.  Make no mistake about it.

Not all men are complete pigs and certainly not all women are demonic creatures, but we do carry those less desirable traits to our over all characters.  For me, finding the man that was a more ‘cultured swine‘ was the goal in life.  And for a long time I certainly believed I had found it.  But even he fell victim too easily to the games of the more wicked of women now and then.

After such a long time and so much of me invested in my marriage, when the end came I encased my heart and determined I was NOT going to love anyone again.  Friends with benefits was the answer to preventing pain from ever touching me.  I honestly didn’t believe I could mentally stand that kind of hurt another time without landing in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

Enter Pixel Kitten.  My sister’s birthday gift to me, an adorable, 5 week old, orphaned kitten that NEEDED someone to love her.  I carried her around that first weekend from Friday afternoon until I had to leave for work on Monday morning, caring for her every need and doing something I didn’t even realize was happening….FEELING.  My wounded, well protected heart was wrapping around this helpless little kitten that clung to me like I was her mama.  She slept against my chest or my face, wasn’t happy unless she was being held, and began to breathe life back into my heart.  In the first few weeks she gently helped my heart off of life support and out of ICU.  I thought it was because time had passed since I found out my marriage was over, that I finally was HEALING.  And then when I read the quote, “I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.” I realized that in fact it was love the healed my heart.  I poured all that pain into loving that little bundle and without even realizing it I was feeling again, thanks to my 4-legged heart band-aid. By allowing my heart to feel love again, it healed.

Even in my favorite movie, Always, the truth was right in front of me.  It wasn’t until Dorinda allowed her heart to FEEL love again that she began to heal from the loss of Pete.  The pain I carried wasn’t going to go away until I filled that void with love, first for Pixel, and now who knows, but loving is the healing balm on the wounds of my heart, no doubt about it.

All this time I had thought I would do better to NOT feel love again, that I’d heal from my wounds and move past the pain by shutting out any and all emotional involvement with anyone.  And in my friends with benefits style relationships, it almost works.  Except that in order to NOT feel for these so called friends, the only communication that could pass between us would be arranging for the hook up and the sex itself.  No pillow talk, no sharing, just the sex and be gone.  How cold.  I’m not that type, I’m not inflatable.  No that is not at all what I want, but in order to be truly friends with anyone there is sharing which leads to caring, which leaves the heart vulnerable.  So the question is how far can I safely let down my protective walls around my heart?  “I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.” And this IS true, deep inside of every human is the basic need to be loved and with that love appreciated.   But it means allowing someone to get inside the barriers we build when we’ve been hurt.  Sometimes it is circumstances, life, fate, or people, but the pain inflicted is real and the protective walls mean to shield from future suffering.  But without love we do not heal those wounds, they simply fester beneath the surface making us unable to trust or exist beyond our self imposed exile.  We move about as an island in the world not allowing anyone close to us.  This is NOT living, this is existing.

I know that I do not want to merely exist in this life, moving through it watching others but never letting anyone get close to me.  Trusting someone to hold my heart means yes, I will hurt again, yes I will cry again, but it means I WILL be able to love again.  And love will heal the past hurts.  Not everyone I share my heart with is going to purposely hurt me, some will be unintentional.  The one I chose to give it wholly to in the future will hurt me at times, it goes with being in a relationship.  But that same person, can love the pain away and heal whatever harm is done.  It will mean being willing to be vulnerable, and take a chance on LIVING again, not just going through the motions.  Taking down the wall a brick at a time, and taking baby steps forward.

I want to walk the sandy beaches of life in a relationship again, allowing the waters of love to wash over me, feel the sun, breezes, and sometimes the necessary storms of emotions that come with opening up my heart again.  I want to LIVE life.

Ten Qualifications For A Frog Prince With Benefits

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I am the star of  my own reality show. Recently having moved out of Prince Charming’s Castle and into the Princess Palace, I’ve sworn off Happily Ever After.  Frankly I don’t even believe in that fairy tale ending anymore.  If you’ve followed my blog posts at all you know my happy ending vanished in a “puff of smoke” and left me believing that knights in shining armor don’t really exist, and that pretty much all of those guys are losers in aluminum foil.  At first they look good sitting astride that big, white stallion, but before long you find out it is rocking horse and he has all the charm of a pot belly pig. Well maybe not even that much, as some little piggies are kinda cute and endearing.  Don’t let that  discourage the Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella chicks out there, maybe the story will end differently for you.

Now, I’ve realized that a frog is not going to turn into prince when I kiss him.  In fact most men in this world are just glorified toads.  You kiss them, they may appear to turn into a blue blood, but really all they are is a wart covered royal heart break in the end, before they return to their lily pads to try and sucker the next princess that comes along (if they haven’t been attempting to ‘ribbet’ in her ear already).

Enter the Frog Prince With Benefits.  Not to be confused with a Friend With Benefits (FWB), as the FWB is nothing more than a cuddle bud/booty call/f*ck friend.  The FPWB needs to arrive at the draw bridge with way more than his disco stick, he needs to act like a Prince and treat me like the Princess I am if he wants the treasure – the benefits, WITHOUT the emotional or commitment attachment/exclusive arrangement.  FPWB is more of a companion, someone to go out with, do things with, and then be your partner for the sheet mambo.  I have had a few FWBs (and then there is the always dependable B.O.B. – my  Battery Operated Boyfriend), so now I am seeking the FPWB types, and in order to make it into that select club there are qualifications.  The more you possess, the more likely you will make the A-list and the higher up on the preference scale you will rate.


QUALIFICATIONS FOR FROG PRINCE WITH BENEFITS

  1. Transportation: Having a car is a must for a FPWB – a Princess doesn’t use public transportation.  She also does not ‘pick up’ the Prince, that is his job.  The Princess is supposed to grace the passenger seat of the carriage of the Prince with her beauty.
  2. Motorcycle: Should the FPWB also happen to own a motorcycle, he gains instant bonus points, as the Princess loves the position of fender fluff behind her Prince, wrapped around him.
  3. Fashion sense: is a must!  Men in midriff tops is NEVER acceptable!  Know what to wear and when to wear it! If you are in danger of friends/family calling in Stacy and Clayton from TLC’s What Not To Wear, don’t bother applying.
  4. Football Fan: You must be a football fan, as the Princess loves football! Bengals fans get highest marks, Colts behind them.  Ravens and Browns fans will be judged on a case by case basis, Steelers fans need not bother applying, it is grounds for REJECTION OF APPLICATION on the spot!
  5. Hygiene: Learn about it! Brush your teeth, shower and use soap and water, trim the tree and shave the jewels, and for the love of St. Peter if you can clearly shave numbers in your back hair, get a waxing! (hairy chests on the other hand are MORE than acceptable!
  6. Playful: A guy in touch with his inner child, that can have FUN with a little water fight with the hose, snowball fights, some friendly wrestling over the TV remote (you must, of course, throw the match as Princess must always win).  Princess is playful and possesses a sense of humor.  If you lack these qualities, hop over to someone else’s pond please or contact your Fairy Godmother for assistance.
  7. FOOD SENSE: Chips and dip does not qualify as tailgate or picnic food.  Princess likes both of those activities and expects you will have enough brains to know what to bring or how to use Google if not!  Her first and favorite test is a picnic in the park of her choosing to get to know you, what you pack for her to enjoy will tell her a lot about you! (this includes accessories needed for said adventure)
  8. Time Management: Princess is a very busy lady, her schedule books in advance.  While you may get lucky with last minute arrangements, it is best to book her time well ahead of the event.  Oh, and she frowns on cancellations and no shows, so don’t do it unless you want off the A-List.
  9. Cyber Savvy Flirt: The Princess likes a man who knows how to get her attention with a text or an email now and then, after all, she believes the world revolves around her. Oh wait, in HER universe it does, get used to it.
  10. NO Limp Shrimp!: Princess enjoys sex.  In fact that is the benefit side of this arrangement.  She couldn’t care less if you get your trout stout with or without a little blue pill, just make sure your one eyed dragon is alive and in the game when she is ready.

Applications now being accepted for Frog Prince With Benefits!!

***Disclaimer:  the above was all in fun…though if you meet any of these qualifications your odds of getting my attention are greatly improved!***