I Am NOT Alone

There is a grave  misconception that if you are single, you are alone.  That poor, lonely woman/man, all alone in the world.

Excuse me?  I am far from alone or lonely.

If I wanted to reactivate my dating profiles on all the dating sites, I’d have no end to the dates.  No kidding, I had dated 13 men thanks to those sites, in a very short period of time.  The Count being number 13, evidentially he is NOT my lucky number guy. OR maybe he was, he showed me I was still caught in the cycle of being a pleaser and that had to stop.  No more  bending me to mold to someone elses specifications.  I could start that whole saga again, many of those men would still love to be on my dance card.  I know this due to the sudden influx of communication when I changed my status in life back to single.

I have a multitude of friends, both men and women.  At any time I can find a male friend to go have a beer, a sporting event or something a bit more intimate.  I have girlfriends I can call to go hit a movie, dinner or a cemetery tour (don’t judge, it was by full moon and very cool).  My kids love to do many of these and other things.  My Divas, yes we all love this and more.   I have plenty of people in my life to fill any need I have on a friendship or social level.  If I stay home and do nothing, it is my choice!

Single does not mean lonely or alone.  Single = FREEDOM!  INDEPENDENCE!!

Other than my work responsibilities, I can come and go as I please!  I see who I want, when I want, do what I want when I want to do it!

Lonely? Hardly.

Alone? Really? Nope not at all.

If I want to sleep next to someone, that can be easily arranged too. Yes, I have friends I can call if I want to spend the night in the arms of someone special.  Believe me they need to be special to make that list.

My point is:  being single doesn’t mean I am lonely.  It simply means I am not committed to anyone….but me!

In the new year I plan to write 365 reasons that being single ROCKS.  I know that is a huge undertaking but I think I can do it!  Every day I will find some reason why being INDEPENDENT is awesome!

The Dating Diaries ~ My Fantasy Dating Profile

I follow a guy on Twitter and through his blogs, Dad Unmasked, who is a divorced dad raising 2 girls.  I love what he writes about in both venues.  As someone that has done the dating site game, I totally enjoyed his Fantasy Dating Profile post.  It inspired me to write one of my own.

The whole idea is that the profile I write is REAL, the real me!  The fantasy in this case being that someone out there wants the REAL people, not the Barbie dolls.  I cannot tell you the number of profiles I had read of guys who are overweight, unemployed or living like it (hey can only go on your pictures of the trashed trailer you appear to be sitting in with dirty dishes stacked high and trash bags piled around) that are dog ugly and specify that the female needs to be trim, in shape, and gorgeous.  Really?  So see, the fantasy is that someone would really want the real me!  And so far that guy I seek must be a fantasy too, as I’m just looking for a REAL guy. But that is for the post I will title “Mr. Right’s Fantasy Dating Profile” to be posted in the near future.

SO, here is my fantasy dating profile:

My Self Summary:  I’m a 48 year old, divorced mother of two.  My children are both adults, they do not live with me but are known to make unscheduled, unannounced visits and this is a good thing.  I’m 5’6″ tall, curvy with a few extra pounds.  Yes a FEW.  NO I am not fat, obese, etc.  When I say few I mean it, I am nothing if not brutally honest.  I have big boobs, a plus to some men and a minus to others. I have hips and a booty and I’m not upset about it.  I’m very happy with myself as I am.  I’m not your sugar mama, I don’t make a lot of money.  But I’m very happy with what I make and comfortable.  I am not a clean freak but I’m not a hoarder.  If it hasn’t been used or worn in 6 months I dispose of it to charity or the trash.  I don’t like clutter and I won’t live with it either.

I’m really good at:  Cleaning, taking care of little ones, and sales.  I was a very good office manager too, but I’ve made a serious career change into daycare and sales and have no intentions of returning to managing anyone’s office but my own.  I can cook but don’t like too so my talents are limited.  But I’ve yet to go hungry.  I’m good at cheering for my favorite football teams and yes I do like watching it either in the stadium, a sports bar, or my own living room with friends.  I can dress up and look like a million but frankly much prefer a tailgate, fire pit, a hoodie and some beer with friends.

The first thing people notice about me:  My eyes.  If I had a dollar for every time someone complimented my eyes I’d be rich.

Favorites:

Food: Chipotle steak bowls, with rice, black beans, corn salsa and cheese…no sour cream. EVER.

Movies: too many to name but they are not all chick flicks.

Music: that varies with my mood or the mood I wish to set.  Country, classical, hip-hop, classic rock, easy listening, soft rock…

Books:  first and foremost my bible. Then a variety of things, romance, historical fiction, biographies, autobiographies, motivational, business…I love to read.

TV Shows:  Blue Bloods, CSI, CSI:NY, NCIS and Criminal Minds.

I’m seeking: A man who is honest, I cannot and will not tolerate lies.  Someone who is affectionate, who isn’t looking for a Barbie Doll, is loyal/faithful (sorry don’t share), works hard but doesn’t let work come before his family, someone seeking a best friend in their mate and not a trophy.

Sadly this isn’t what most are seeking I am thinking.  But I’m working on a post all about the real me.  I did one for my 100th post long ago, but thinking it is time to really open up. That is a post coming too.

BEEP – Time’s Up!

Fellas, don’t suddenly decide to remember her the very moment she finally forgets you. Let her go & let her be. ~ TheSingleWoman™

It has been a week since things fell apart with The Count.  I’m sitting here at my computer analyzing it one last time.  Last time because I figure a week has gone by now and if in 7 days he didn’t see fit to find time to contact me and iron this out, then perhaps I am the one that needs to rethink the relationship.  True love would not let something so ridiculous as a Facebook post that may be seen by a 12yo end a relationship (sorry 99% of those on my Facebook are adults and the post had to do with politics, the Occupy weirdos and as it happened they were topless women).  Looking back it may not have been one of my brighter shinning moments when it comes to posting stuff, but gee, really?  So I’ve been rethinking everything and going back over the pros and cons of the Count & Me, and analyzing it all.

I need more than a few texts and one day a week to build a relationship.  We aren’t talking a “friends with benefits” thing here.  This was us, planning a future, talking about a future business, where we’d live, like as in LONG TERM and permanent.  Him being busy I understand, but not so busy that the person you claim to love doesn’t take more priority in your life.  I’m not unreasonable and really not all that demanding.  I saw much more of the ex husband when we were dating (several nights a week and weekends) and he lived 2 hours away!  In the beginning, with the Count, in the first few weeks, we did see each other a bit more, but then his job got in the way.  SO…is a phone call on the way home from work that taxing? Or one night during the week finding time, like in the beginning of the relationship, to have dinner on that night he wasn’t working?

Meanwhile of the 12 other men I dated off the dating sites, several would have been happy to continue to date, see me far more often and 3 of them would have carted me off to Vegas and got married after the first date.  I wouldn’t have done that, my mother didn’t raise a fool, but it would be very nice to have fallen in love with someone that put me just a little bit higher up the priority list, where I did not feel like an after thought.   And if you cannot spend more than a day a week with me, then don’t ask me not to date other people.  If you don’t have time for a relationship, why in the world were you on a dating site to begin with? Why start something that you know full well you cannot give the time too that it deserves?  Why would you get involved and let someone fall in love with you, fall in love with them (or so you say), knowing that you cannot (frankly in this case more like will not) devote the time to them that is needed to grow things?

The statute of limitations for over hauling and putting this relationship back on the rails has run out.

*Note To Self:  never again, as the saying goes, make someone in my life a priority that only makes me an option.*

Meet Me On Monday

Welcome to the 57th edition of “Meet Me On Monday!” 

Blogging  is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read  and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, “who is  this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want  to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great  way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you  questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we  can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them  better!!  Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!

Questions:

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?
2.  What is your favorite card game?
3.  What do you wear to bed? 
4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?
5.  What is your usual bed time?
—————————————————————
My Answers!

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?

Yes, my family, friends,  the ex-husband, the kids, guys I dated off the online dating sites (some of them even subscribe to it!) and yes, Steve knows and to my knowledge doesn’t read it but supports me, probably the only people that really don’t know about my blog is the current neighbors.   I have an open door policy for my blog.  Though I admit, parts are password protected, and I DO post on a site  where I can let it all loose when I just need to vent without hurting feelings.

2.  What is your favorite card game?

That  would be Rook (aka Baptist Bridge).  I really am not much of a card player but I really like Rook…I GET IT  so it is a good game!

3.  What do you wear to bed?

Well…jammies until I am IN the bed.  Then partial jammies.  No bottoms as nothing bugs the crap out of me more than getting tangled in my jammies so I remove those.  They are close by lest the house catch fire and I have to hang my big white butt  out of the window naked.  NOT good fodder for the community press or the 11pm news.

4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?

Regular old fries….used to be McDonald’s but they got all healthy and ruined the flavor.  Now, I suppose White Castle is good, Burger King….just fries, ya know?  For the most part I haven’t met a french fry I didn’t like.

5.  What is your usual bed time?

Well I aim for 10pm but lucky to get there at 11pm most nights.  Once in a while  I am just too tired and go earlier but that is  rare.  11pm ish  so to speak would be my regular bed time.

The Dating Diaries ~ The Princess & The Count

It has been quite a while since I updated the status of my love life.  I’m sure everyone out there is chomping at the bit to know just how things are going between me and the man I met on a dating site.  I’m still kind of in shock at times that I went from happily married, to divorced and shattered on every mental and emotional level, to healing slowly, seeing a married man (in my own defense I had NO idea Mr. Wonderful was married until the end of the relationship), dating a super hero, then going out on over a dozen first dates with men I met online through dating sites.  Some of those first dates made it to a 2nd, and one or two hit a 3rd, but the 13th 1st date was to a man that held the key to my heart’s garden.  You all know him as The Count, the nickname I gave him because of his love of all things Halloween.  On my supporting cast page, he is Steve.

July 22nd of this year I went on my 13th and last first date.  I walked into one of my favorite places to grab  bite to eat and a cold beer, to meet someone I almost turned down.  Not because he wasn’t attractive, he is very good looking.  But mostly because I didn’t think I was what he was looking for based on the profile.  But it kept eating at me so I finally replied to his email and agreed to dinner.  That night I walked in, and looked into the eyes of someone that turned me inside out just looking at me.  I had this happen one other time in my life, and I was married for 22 years as a result.  There is a chemistry there, with a stranger, that when you look into their eyes you see their soul, and they in turn see yours.  I’ve read that we all have a particular scent and ‘sense’ about us, that attracts the partner that is the right mix for us.  Not sure if I believe that, but when I use the term chemistry, well I guess there is something to it?  SOMETHING clicks, like the fit of pieces in a 2 piece puzzle coming together, something is just RIGHT.  That was what I felt, it was like I had known him without ever having met.  If I were one that believed in reincarnation I’d say I found my mate from a previous life, but I don’t so I won’t go there.

My heart went through so much pain I  never imagined feeling love again.  Then to have it broken as it was finally healing, not once but twice after my divorce, well this princess had raised the drawbridge, added extra piranas to her mote and given up hope.  I had given up on love but I also enjoyed the company of a nice man, so, while locking up my heart, I still decided to date so I could at least get out of the house now and then.  One of the men I met, that made it to a second date, nicknamed himself Romeo.  He wrote a very good description of my heart as a garden, that I in turn picked up and ran with, as it was very accurate, The Marvelous Secret Garden and I posted what he had written to me.  Shortly after our first date he wrote more, in Part 2, ever hoping he’d be the one holding the key.  He had read just about every blog post I’ve written here, and possibly the ones from my previous blog site when married.  He definitely knew me rather well but he was not the one that held the key, and would have to forever remain outside of the garden.  My heart is well protected behind very thick walls and a locked gate that only 3 have ever held the key too.  Until now.

I wrote about meeting Steve, and how he looked right into my soul but didn’t push against the barriers, or try to find his way in.  He didn’t have too, because the key to my heart isn’t something one would know they have, or I would know, until they unlocked it.  That was just over 3 months ago, but it feels like we’ve known each other so much longer.

I’ve slowly met his family, and he has slowly been introduced to mine.  Things are progressing forward at a slow, steady pace.  Each time we’re together it is a little harder to be apart until the next time.  My heart very much loves him, but is able to take it’s time, letting this unfold and grow.  I’m learning to trust again, in the area of opening up and allowing someone inside my heart and mind.  I don’t have issues with jealousy this time, I never lack for assurance of his feelings for me.  When I’m with him I feel more safe and secure than I have ever felt in my life, that he would protect me.  My soul feels at peace with him.  I miss him a great deal when we are not together, but not in a clingy way, just a like a part of me is missing, until we’re together again.  I’m happy, very happy, in the sweetest possible way.

He hasn’t once tried to change me, he allows me to be true to myself.  I don’t try or even want to change him.  We balance each other nicely, even in areas where we will agree to disagree in our thoughts or views.  It is a relationship being built on a solid foundation of love and respect (perhaps the biggest missing piece to my failed marriage), one brick at a time. (thanks again, Chuck, that book you recommended, Love And Respect, is a life changer!)

So in case you were wondering, yes, he is still within the walls of my heart, slowly and carefully exploring that garden with me, and sharing more and more of his own heart, a piece at a time.  As each day passes, the other side of the garden that was so severely destroyed and burned, has grown over with vegetation and flowers, and the signs of the destruction are barely visible now.  There is no rush down the path, no need too.  We have all of our lives ahead of us to see where this might lead, and I’m savoring every minute of that journey. It is SO very different from any relationship that I’ve had before.

The Dating Diaries ~ Life In The Moment…

As my readers have likely picked up on, I LOVE P!nk, love The Greatest Hits So Far album, and thank my baby sister for buying it for me.  I ripped it to my PC and the CD is in my car, I love everyone of the 16 songs except number 10, but I’m too conservative for that one.

One of my favorite songs  on the album is “Glitter In The Air”, a great love song.  I know the feeling of being touched so gently I wanted to cry.  Looking fear in the face (fear of getting my heart broken yet again) and saying “I don’t care” and letting myself FEEL again.  Of  not wanting a night to end, wondering if it could ever get better than that moment.  And all because of one man.  A man I met online through a dating site.  A man that emailed me and I didn’t respond for a few days, and damn near didn’t at all.  A man who was about to give up on finding the one, but gave it another shot.  That man, of course, is the Count.  AKA: Steve.  But you know me, I love nick names.  My very own Mikhail Dubrinsky.

Trusting has been the hardest thing for me to do.  I trusted for 22 years, and that got me no where but alone and emotionally destroyed.  I tried again, 2 more times, and those were just more breaks  in my heart. I was done at that point.  Dating was a way to just get out and meet men, I really didn’t plan on finding the one, this Cinderella had long given up on finding the fairy tale prince.  Yes I was looking, but I did not feel like that was even a remote possibility.  I kept meeting guys that were totally smitten with me, but it wasn’t mutual.  Many read my blog pages, had the full story, knew that I was the ‘nut case’ the ex feels I am, (they all find me quirky cute in every aspect with one guy that was  the exception, and thought the ex had a hole in his marble bag) and wanted me anyway.  I knew 23 years  ago  without a word being said, not even knowing my ex husband’s name so I knew that chemistry would be there or  not be there. Sure, things develop over time, but there is this initial draw, like two magnets, and it hadn’t happened.

Then came the email from The Count, expressing interest.  I read  his profile, looked at his photos, and decided to think on it.  My plan was to delete all my online accounts and toss in the towel.  I had dated 12 men  already and not yet found that undeniable pull.  I waited a few days to reply, but many times I went back to his profile.  Something in his eyes drew me in, again and again.  I  didn’t feel I matched  his criteria so wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, but I finally replied.  Then we talked on the phone.  I was still terribly hesitant to meet.  But deep down something was  stirring and that something would not let me out of this.  I  agreed to meet him for dinner.

Little did I know that when I walked into the meeting place, my life was about to shift dramatically.  The man looking back at me as I walked in the door had the most amazing eyes.  I swear they could pierce a hole in steel, and when he looked in my eyes he looked straight inside my heart and soul.  There was instant chemistry and draw.  It was very scary to me.  I’ve kind of sat on that fear a good deal since.  Not fear of HIM, but fear of the intense feelings I have  for him, from the beginning!  My heart was way ahead of my brain and that was scary.  I was just waiting, after each date, to hear that he just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, he is feeling it too.  We text like a couple of teenagers!  I got flowers last week for no reason other than he was thinking about me and wanted me to know this.  He doesn’t hold back at all telling me how he feels about me.  When we are together, for no reason out of no where he will  just stop, kiss me and tell me he loves me.  We  talk in terms of here and now, but also the future.  a future that is me and him, side by side, building a life together.  But we are going SO slow, taking our time, letting this bloom, grow and unfold it’s petals without rushing it.  There is no hurry, the feelings are there and grow each day.

Will I get my heart broken again?  I  don’t believe so, but only time will tell.  We’ve both suffered severe heart breaks at the hands of those we dearly loved, the ones we’d have gone to the ends of the earth for and back again.  We  are advancing with baby steps even though our emotions are miles ahead of us,  and just enjoying this one day at a time.

The  Count is part of my supporting cast now, photo and all.  Love is awesome.

The Dating Diaries ~ Love Grows In My Garden

The garden gate opens now all on it’s own, it recognizes The Count and welcomes him inside the walls that protect my heart.  He brings with him a warmth when he enters here, a feeling of peace and harmony.  Little by little, he is exploring every inch of the landscape, getting to know everything that grows here or has  once been within the walls.  While we’ve glanced  across  to the area that is burned and damaged, he doesn’t push for more than I am ready to give up.  Already love is sowing healing seeds and new growth is starting on the other side.  With every day the painful memories of the past slip further away under the sprouting new flowers there, and in some  strange way my past tears are now fertilizing the soil that is bringing forth the new life.

I knew when I met the former prince, before I even knew his name, that he was someone I was supposed love and marry.  This time, I had only a photo, voice and a lot of communication on texts and the phone with The  Count, but inside something was stirring to life.  The first time I looked into his eyes I knew that feeling again.  Destiny was sitting in front of me, all I had to do was let it take me by the hand and lead me.  When he reached out and took my hand, continuing to see into my eyes and my heart and soul, we both knew.  There was no denying it.  When he searched inside of me, he didn’t push, and I didn’t deny him what he wanted to see.  He has gone where  only one other person dared to look, but that one was not mine, and I was not his.  For a long time I did not grasp why, but now I know…because Mr. Wonderful was not my destiny, The Count is.

From that first meeting, in the first few moments, there hasn’t been any singular in our discussions. It has been all about us, we, our….we’re like 2 puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly together.  The longer we are together the less of the seam that separates us can be seen even to us.  His life dream and mine fit together so very well.  Completely different, yet so perfectly suited to compliment each.  When we envision those dreams, we see each other in there, have since the first moment.  He is a very strong personality, with the softest of hearts.

I needed a man who could match or exceed the strength of my personality, there is no questioning he is that one.  Yet he is tender, and loving and wants to make me happy.  He knows my dark secrets, I know his.  We both accept the other completely: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  Neither of is looking for perfect, we both want someone perfectly imperfect.  I’m reading the book that was mentioned once by Chuck, Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs,  and see where the former prince and I went wrong, some of the situations described could be right out of our 22 years, down to the very words used in scenarios.  It won’t happen again, I simply won’t allow it.  I  know where I went wrong, where he was wrong, and how to not let that happen this time around.

“Go slow” is the intent, but it is hard.  We both know we need time to figure it all out, but we’re both in and committed.  My dating profiles have been removed, I have no desire to see anyone else, I found him.  Or maybe better said, he found me.  One flirt on a dating site has led to the start of what WILL be an amazing life as we work together to make our dreams come true.

The Dating Diaries ~ Get It Off My Hanger!

I’ve noticed something on the dating sites that I’ve also seen in society in general:  We all tend to hang our self esteem on other people’s hangers.  This is obvious by the reactions to being rejected.  I wrote a blog about this last year, when I decided to remove MY self esteem from the hangers of others opinions of me.

I know that I am a good hearted woman, I am attractive, and I’m a great catch for the right man.  Key word being RIGHT.  Not every man is right for me, in fact most will not be, and that is okay.  I will find the one that I don’t want to live without and  make him the happiest guy around.  He will be blessed and thank God every day that my ex divorced me so that I could be found by him, the one that will treasure me.  Goodness knows plenty of men I have dated have told me to thank  him for setting me free just so they had a chance at knowing me even though it ended up just a friendship.  Yes, I AM that special!  Guess what? SO ARE YOU! To many someones in this world you are that precious too, you just have to find the one that wants to keep you and you want to keep them.  It took me a while to accept that single best thing my ex did for me, since he didn’t cherish and treasure me, was to let me go so someone else COULD.  And then I removed my self esteem from his hanger, put it on MINE and learned what a great person this marvelous woman really is!

We all tend to let it bother us when someone finds  fault in us, be it that we don’t clean correctly, dress the way they think we should, talk too loud, talk too much, aren’t as pretty or fit or whatever someone else has in their mind for what we should be.  Or, what they think their ideal match is, as is the case on dating sites.

On a dating site, we fill out our dating profiles and then hope to catch the attention of someone that meets our criteria.  Some people, like myself, put serious time and effort into the written portions of their profiles.  We take the quizzes, psychology tests of some kind, that determine things about our personalities and preferences to assist in finding the perfect match.  We chose photos of ourselves in various situations to help portray who we are to potential mates and then hope for the best.  There are those that for whatever reason think putting down one word or one line  answers is going to just impress the snot  out of others,  oh and 1 fuzzy photo of themselves from 50 feet away, astride their Harley (at least it LOOKS like it might be one from that blurred image) and then 5 photos of their dogs or sunsets, which don’t happen to be blurry, go figure.

The sites  have standard questions about smoking and your preference, drinking of  alcohol, height, marital/relationship status for you and your preferred match.  It is amazing, I swear some of the  sites asked me for what brand of toilet paper I purchase, or it seemed that way.  So, anyway, if  I am looking  over profiles of potentials, I can see right away if they are someone I want to meet.  Their photos, what they write, what their physical characteristics are etc, all give me clues to them.

As I stated the other day, I can and DO glean a lot  from a person’s profile.  It is the ‘first impression’ and believe me it DOES make a difference.  A haphazard profile is a good  indication that someone is careless and doesn’t take care of themselves, so I know they aren’t going to make me a priority.  Or it may be a very well written profile, but just not be someone of interest to me because we don’t share common interests.  It is always perplexing when someone writes and says “I see we have a lot in common…” and I go look and find they are into sky diving, hang gliding, NASCAR…nothing at ALL in common.  My guess then is they saw my pics and thought I was attractive so they’d give it a shot.  I  know what it is I’m looking for, and when I find it, I will know.  I knew immediately when I met the ex Prince, before he opened his mouth or I even knew his name, I said to my mom “I am going to marry that one”. Sure enough I did.  Trust me, I can tell enough from what I read and see on a profile, if there is any interest.  A few emails between us and my first impression is confirmed if there were any doubts.

So where am I headed with this?  I am growing tired of men contacting me, and when I tell them “I’m sorry but I am just not interested, but good luck in your search” I am called names and they begin personal attacks.  Mr. Confident isn’t the first or last (he just stood out).  Last night a guy from Louisville,  Kentucky contacted me.  He is like 2 hours  away.  When I said “I’m sorry, but as I state in my profile, I am not interested in a long distance relationship, I cannot relocate and unless you are able too, should  we hit it off, it just won’t work out” he in turn wrote back and called me an asshole!  Wow, really?  I didn’t bother to go into the fact that nothing about his profile or photos was even remotely appealing to me, I was kind and polite.  Another potential that contacted me said “I knew I wasn’t in your league and you’d think you were too good for me” (I get that ‘outta my league’ stuff entirely too much).    I don’t think I am too good for you, YOU JUST DO NOT INTEREST ME!!!!

What I see here is a bunch of  men that get their hopes up that some attractive female might want to date them, and then their ego gets bruised if she says no.  No  one is out of anyone’s league.  Period.  But no one wants to go out with someone they are not interested in.  Just because you have an interest in me doesn’t mean I share that interest.  If it isn’t mutual, why waste our time?  Sure, I realize that by some slim, snowball’s chance in hell we might hit it off, but I might get struck by lightening or win the lottery too…twice.  The man I seek is hot and handsome on the INSIDE and it shows through his profile in not only his photos, but in his smile, what  he writes about himself, his attitude that comes  through in those  writings.  None of us are going to be knock  outs when we are  old and wrinkled up like a fuzzy, mold covered prune, but our inner self will still be beautiful, and that is what I am looking for most, that inner man that will rock my world.

Stop hanging your self esteem on my hanger.  If going out with me is what you need to feel good about you, buddy you are in a world of hurt!

The Dating Diaries ~ ACCESS DENIED

“Go ahead..let people label you. It just shows they wanna put you in a box because they’re so afraid of what you can do” ~ The Single Woman

~*~

Online dating, if nothing else, is highly entertaining at times.  Just reading profiles is good for laughs.  Despite what some  folks think, one can glean a good deal about someone by their own words in their profile.

One thing a well written profile does is gives me a good clue if someone will be compatible with me.   First starting with  their physical stats, like height, weight, location, and for me even their astrological sign.  You recall,  from earlier posts, fire fighters and those born under the sign of Aquarius, Scorpio or Leo, are just not good matches  for me.  Fire fighter Aquarians are simply a disaster trying to occur.

In the essay sections of a profile, where a person has the opportunity to tell me about themselves, it can either be a deal breaker before we ever get to ‘hello’ or it can spark the desire  for an introduction.  I forgive a random typo, but I’m picky, too many of them and it becomes obvious that the writer just doesn’t put any time or thought into themselves or they’d be trying harder to put forth something of quality.  Also, things a person likes to do in their spare  time, or  for fun, helps me to know if there is a chance at chemistry.

For example, I was contacted by a gentleman (and I use this term very loosely as he certainly didn’t behave like one, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself) who was interested in meeting.  I looked over his profile carefully and somethings stood out to me, and yes I am going to rip this sucker apart dissect some sections to show first why he is not a good match for me.

Okay let’s do some examination of his profile:

” I enjoy any activity that can be done outdoors camping, biking, hiking, tennis, volleyball, water skiing, festivals, and traveling. I also enjoy art shows, auctions, yard sales, shopping and dining out along with good conversation. “

Okay first off, I love being outside!  However camping = Holiday Inn Express.  I grew up camping all over this country.  I do not like to camp anymore, period.

Biking = Harley Davidson/Honda etc…fender fluff.  I don’t care for peddling.  It has to have a motor and rumble baby.

Water skiing – not so much.  Not a huge fan of water I cannot see the bottom of so water  skiing just is  not appealing.

Art shows/auctions/shopping – Not much into art, auctions YAWN no thanks, and shopping?  This girl HATES FLIPPING SHOPPING!

So far, as you can see, this isn’t going to be a good match.  We are  not on the same pages enough when it comes to activities we enjoy.

Then he posts:

My photos are current. Please don’t expect the Brad Pitts, bad boy type from me. I don’t have a beer belly, long hair, hairy back, tattoos, earrings, nose rings, belly piercing, or a motorcycle (although I might get one in the future, lol). What I do have is a big heart, self assured, confident, positive attitude, optimistic, a job and white teeth! lol

Hmm…getting the idea that he is intimidated by the bad boy/rebel  types.  And tattoos and a nose ring might not be up his alley, which means ME as my nose is pierced and I have some ink.  Not to mention if you are someone that is so confident and self assured, you don’t tear down other ‘types’ when telling me what you are all about.  Truly confident individuals don’t do that sort of thing, they don’t compare themselves to anyone or point out what they perceive as flaws in others.  Bad form my man.

So reading further, this stands out to me:

Things that I believe in:

- My Dad & Mom taught me well
- You will hurt and be hurt by those you love and showing you care afterward can strengthen those relationships
- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships
- Most mistakes can become blessings if you learn along the way
- We’re never truly alone
- People cross paths for reasons so pay attention
- Everything happens for a reason and those who learn from those reasons gain knowledge from life’s experiences.
- It’s safe to trust your instincts because you’ll know early if someone “gets” you and you “get” them
- It’s better to laugh than to cry
- Sunrises, sunsets and rainy days were meant to be shared
- A hug can make it all better

I want you to remember the part  in red there, it will be important in a bit.

And then this part stood out to me too (dude was LONG on the writing which is okay if it doesn’t all contradict itself)

I borrowed the below info from another profile. I thought it was somewhat close to me. BTW, I have blue eyes and I’m looking for a woman no matter what her eyes color maybe. I already had one shallow woman proclaim she didn’t have blue eyes so she tossed me back into the water! Come on, please have an open mind and expand our horizons when it comes to looking for a partner. There has been only one perfect “MAN” in this world so far!

BLUE EYES:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don’t care what people think or say. They love to party. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when they need to be. They are bad to the bone.

Okay Mr. Confident is back to dissing people again, because someone was not interested in him she must be shallow?  Oh and he just told us earlier he isn’t a bad boy type, yet he is bad to the bone?

I had immediately picked up on the fact that this guy is anything but confident.  He resorted to name calling and knocking others in his profile, it screams of someone that lacks self confidence and doesn’t handle rejection very well.  And not finding anything in his profile that indicated compatibility I told him I wasn’t interested.  I figured if he doesn’t handle rejection well (shallow woman???) online, after a date or  two when things were confirmed for me that this was NOT the future Mr. Marvi  Marti,  he might have a full blown melt  down.

Oh and before I go any  further, I need to point out that I have a photo on my profile of me in a Halloween costume I wore once.  The reason? I am a curvy girl, big boobs, and some hips that gave birth 3 times.  Not fat, but curves are a part of me.  So since that shot gives the viewer a good indication of what they are getting, I used  it.    You’ll understand why I’m showing this photo in a minute, so hang  on.

This morning, while laying in bed answering my emails on the dating site, there continued a little exchange with Mr. Confident (we had exchanged a few very short emails last week but I told him I was too busy to meet then):

sent 7/9/2011  7:50:42 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
How’s your schedule looking for this weekend or next week?
Thanks.

sent 7/9/2011  10:01:17 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
At the moment just not interested.

sent 7/10/2011  7:24:49 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
why not? Has something happened in your life?

sent 7/10/2011  7:29:38 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I just am not interested. That simple.

sent 7/10/2011  7:35:23 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Do you mean in me or find someone? I’m just trying to understand?

sent 7/10/2011  7:39:09 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I am not interested in getting to know you.

sent 7/10/2011  7:42:07 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Duh, how did you come to that conclusion? We have never met or spoken? But I guess you are right. I’m not attractive to shallow and narrow-minded people!
Guess that explains the reason why you can’t keep a man after 22 yrs of marriage! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:04 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Interesting you that you resort to childish tactics throwing insults at someone, tells me that you are thin skinned and do not handle rejection well. Instead of having some class, you behave like a 5yo little boy.
that was what I suspected, so wasn’t interested. You simply confirmed it.

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:07 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I guess that’s why you have to put pictures of your breasts hanging out in order to catch a man? you can’t do it as being yourself. Some Church person you are! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:15 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Have a nice day.

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:51 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Why are you still bothering me? Get on your broom and fly away!

You have nothing to offer me! lmao

*note: I stopped answering at  this point, evident that this guy is getting his boxers knotted up pretty easily.

sent 7/10/2011  7:51:524 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Go to Church and pray that you can find a man! You are going to say a lot of prayers before you do! lol

Obviously old Rob doesn’t handle rejection very well?  Funny to me is that Mr. Confident, who lists himself as Catholic, obviously had no issues with those D-size boobs when he contacted me hoping I would have interest.  And as I told him, he resorts to sandbox politics when he doesn’t get what he wants.  Also, remember up above a bit where he stated things he believes in? Remember this:

- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships

Well, Mr. Confident, your actions exposed YOUR soul and defined you and your relationships.  Oh and for the record, you are divorced too, and on an online dating site, LOOKING for a woman YOU don’t have, just as I don’t have a man at the moment. So what is your point?

As  I said, when I read his profile slowly, I sensed he was going to behave like this if I rejected him for any reason once we started going out, I just didn’t expect him to do it simply because I have no desire to meet him.

Good luck, Mr. Confident, you are going to need it.

ACCESS TO THE MARVELOUS ONE:  DENIED

The Dating Diaries ~ Retiring ‘The First Date Shirt’

My sister has this awesome top that I have kinda taken ownership of she lets me borrow that looks great on me.  It got a thumbs up from my brother when he saw me in it a few weeks ago.  When I wore it to court for the divorce hearing and then into the office, my then boss whistled and made several comments  about how great I looked dressed up.  Of course that is more likely because I usually wore jeans and a company polo shirt to work every day so me dressed up feminine in any way was going to be a noticeable improvement.  It is fitting and symbolic to me that the shirt I wore to end my fairy tale, would be the same one I am wearing to begin a new one.  This top has come to be known around the Diva Den as the first date shirt.  Mostly because I almost always wear it on a first date.  It is very feminine, I look damn good in it  if I do say so myself.

Yesterday my horoscope read:

Your ruling planet Venus may bring sweetness into your life today in a way that is fresh and different. However, the opportunity you have for pleasure comes at a high price now. Keep in mind that your desire for simplicity means that you may have to set aside previous priorities. But don’t bother trying to get approval from a friend, unless you’re seeking to deepen that particular relationship. Remember, communicating your feelings isn’t all fun and games; it takes hard work and an open heart.

Shortly after I read it, there was a knock at the front door, and my favorite florist (how did  he know this???) was there with a delivery of lavender roses for me.  Something ‘fresh’ and ‘different’ as my horoscope said.  Fresh as in fresh cut  flowers, my very favorite flower!  And ‘different’ because receiving  flowers just is not a real common occurrence for me.  I don’t recall ever receiving my favorite flowers, so it was totally unique.   I found it quite special, as someone is definitely paying close attention as they read through my hundreds of blog posts.

The sender is someone I’ve talked to via emails and texts, but had yet to meet in person.  We have much in common  in our  relationship needs and our personalities.  There was definite chemistry there  in writing.  I  know, people can paint themselves to be a lot of things, but sometimes you just know you are seeing the real heart of a person when they share about themselves.  Not a single red flag has flown as we have gotten acquainted on the dating site, so I gave him my blog page to explore.  He knew he was seeing the real me as he has spent a great deal of time reading and learning…he knows my heartaches, my frustrations, my likes and dislikes, and even my glaring faults.  And he too has a passion for writing and expressing himself through his words (read the Secret Garden posts).  He doesn’t mind at all what I write about, even regarding him.  He doesn’t want someone he can clip their wings and cage in order to tame, but rather someone he can enjoy their  free spirit and watch soar, and even fly beside.   We both know what it is to have our fairy tale implode and have our hearts completely shattered by the one we thought was forever, and the next one we fell in love with, and we’re both ready to try love again in spite of the scars we carry.

When the sender asked me to meet him in person or talk on the phone last night, I opted  for meeting.  There was just something about him that made me want it to be in person the  first time I heard his voice.  And what a voice it is…deep and oh so pleasant to listen too.  Strong hands yet with such a gentle touch.  No red flags here either, my gut is not telling me to run like hell, I was quite relaxed and content to spend time with him.

I made a decision to turn off my profile on the dating sites (on ones where that is an option), and I’m not going on anymore first dates for now.  The ‘first date shirt’ is  going into retirement, well as far as being worn for first dates anyway.  There is chemistry here.  In his eyes I saw much I want to explore.  His secret garden intrigues me, is calling to me to come see if I have the key to open the gate, as he is hoping his key fits mine, as within the garden is the heart and soul.  Time will tell, and we’ll go slowly and see what develops.

I  may even begin a new thread, since The Dating Diaries really may not be quite  right for this. I’m thinking something along the lines of The Secret Garden Journals of Romeo and Juliet.

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

I get asked a lot of the same questions on the dating sites by the men that contact me hoping I will find them interesting enough to want to go out.  Some are pretty standard, some are out of the ordinary, and others just flat out off the wall!  I don’t give out my Blog info to any Tom, Dick or Harry, so only ones I see having potential get to peek here at who I am, that is a very tiny number.  But still, thought I’d answer the questions they ask and maybe I can just copy and paste this later as needed?

Q: What do you do for a living?
A:  Childcare in my home and independent sales representative for Avon.

Q:  What  do you like to do for fun?
A:  This is not a real simple question to answer.  But I will give you some ideas:

  • I like bowling – but frankly I suck at it….bad!  But then it is for FUN, and I do enjoy it and can laugh at myself.
  • I was learning to throw darts, and still hope to learn but be advised NO one should stand anywhere but BEHIND me. I suck at this too. :)
  • I enjoy hanging out with friends at a small bar or pub, inside or out on the patio, listening to a good live band.
  • Grilling on the back deck with friends, drinking a few beers and just relaxing.
  • Tailgating with friends and great food (it IS all about the food, certainly not the win if you are a Bengal fan)
  • Concerts in the park, be it bands or the Cincinnati Pops, on a blanket with a lot of good munchies and someone special or a bunch of friends.
  • A nice picnic with friends or someone special, outdoors enjoying the sunshine and the breeze and great conversation.
  • Snuggling up with someone special, a bottle of wine, good music or a movie, or in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket.
  • Day trips to fun places like Metamora just to wander through the little shops.
  • Weekends in Gatlinburg browsing the shops, sitting in the hot tub on a cabin deck with wine and a view of the mountains.

Q:  What are you pet peeves?
A:  I have a few, the big  one is people too lazy to take their cart to the proper place and instead just leave it in the spot next to them.  Most of them look like they could use the extra walk.

Q:  Having any luck meeting people on this site?
A:  Yes, meeting people  is why I am here and so far not had  any issues, though lord knows I have heard some good horror stories!

Q:  What is your favorite vacation spot?
A:  Golden Clouds, Jamaica.  I’d go back in a minute, despite having to fly to get there, if I could afford it.

Q:  Is that a nose ring in your photo?
A:  Yes it is, and there are 3 tattoos that are not in the picture so if those bother you now is the time to say so.

Q:  What kind of music do you like?
A:  ALL kinds! Country, classical, hard  rock, soft rock, classic rock, 80’s, hip hop, top 40, pretty much anything. Depends  on my mood or the mood I wish to set.

Q:  What type of man do you go for?
A:  Why? Are you a chameleon?  I don’t have  a type, and beyond what is in my profile I won’t tell you what I’m looking for, because I don’t want a good actor.  I want to meet the REAL you and if there is chemistry then you are my type.

Q:  Do you have pets?
A:  Yep, a cat.  We have 3 actually but only one belongs to me.

Q:  Are you interested in getting to know each other (from a guy 110 miles away)?
A:  Unless you are reasonably close to where I live, not  really.  Not  unless you plan to relocate if we hit it off and head for the justice of the peace, because I am not moving from the greater Cincinnati area.

Q:  Do you have sex on the first date?
A:  You really went there, huh Stud?  That would be a NO.  Unlikely for quite a few and even then, it is just not at the top of the list for me.  I’m highly selective in who gets a first date, more so for a second or third, and unless the relationship is getting serious, I won’t even consider it.  Too many freaky STDs  out there, and I’m too special to just sleep with anyone.  If you are asking that before you have met me, you won’t be considered for that first date.

Q:  You are sexy, wanna have dinner?
A:   No but if you check a few escort sites or Adult Friend Finder you might find what you are seeking.

Okay enough silliness.  That is a sampling of the questions I get on the sites.  And  now you, too, know the answers.

The Dating Diaries ~ So Long eHarmony!

If you are reading this and one of those potentials that I have shared my blog address with, DO NOT  PANIC! I have not  discovered, to my knowledge, Mr. Right.  I’m just making some decisions regarding where I will continue to search for him.

Seriously I’ve wasted enough money on eHarmony, when my 3 months runs out, I’m NOT going to re-up.  They seem to fail to understand things like yes distance IS important.  I am NOT relocating.  I won’t.  I can’t.  My job is right here and I  cannot pack up and relocate when I f ind the Frog Prince, the beast that is really a Prince when he finds me, his Belle.  I need to stay fairly close to where I am unless said Prince plans to support me while I build my Avon business.  Not likely so I’ll be staying put.

I’m also dumping Chemistry.com.  Another grand waste.  If the scientific chemistry  involved there is any indication, they failed their  state’s proficiency test when it came to reading comprehension.  Enough said.

So far sticking it out with Match.com, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish (POF).  Actually I have had far more  success with Zoosk and POF  than any other.  It is where I’ve met Chuck, Torero, Professor, Coach and Titleist (do you LOVE the nicknames I come with or what!).  There have been others but these are deserving of further progression, they have potential.

Yes, I have to look through a lot of toads for the frogs, but that is okay!  I am enjoying getting to know new friends, some that I will keep just as friends but for a long time to come.

The dating continues in  the search for my Prince.

The Dating Diaries ~ Site Update/Opinions

Well it has been interesting since I joined the dating sites, seeing where all this takes me.  I do have to say, that over all I’ve had really great dates, with some super nice guys.  Sadly chemistry has to be there and that is usually fairly immediate.  Not “OMG LOVE AT FIRST SITE” kind  of chemistry, but sparks that say “I want to spend more time with you, getting to know you”, that kind of chemistry.

3 first dates have had that for me.  So of the many men I’ve met, 3 have snagged my attention to move  on to another get together.

I’ve tried out 5 different sites now, eHarmony, Match, Chemistry, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish.  You definitely can say that a paying site is best, it does weed out SOME of the riff raff.  But not all pay sites have impressed me.

eHarmony claims to have wonderful success rates, and be the best.  I beg to differ, unless I am just such an outstanding, rare jewel that there are precious few possible matches in this world.   Most of the matches they sent me, yeah no thanks, don’t think so.  Not buying into their match up system so much. Especially when many of the matches haven’t been online for weeks!

Match.com is actually pretty good, in fact I have had most of the dates so far from there.  Priced reasonable but not cheap, and there is some sort of questioning done during the set up process.  It is fairly user-friendly and if I continue to pay to belong that will likely be the one I stay with.  I do find it highly amusing the number of men I actually know outside of the sites, that are on there, that I have been matched with.  Thinking either a brick wall may  need to fall on them, or I need to give up and join the convent.

Chemistry.com is part of the Match.com family I think, it is where I saw it anyway.  So far, not really impressed at all.  Lot’s of chemistry match ups, but so far nothing has panned out from there.

Zoosk is okay too, not too bad on pricing, but it  seems to have a lot more toads than frogs.  Have met a few nice guys but have met a few kinda stalkerish types too, thankfully not in person.

Plenty of Fish, well you can use that one primarily free.  And that means a lot of weeding through profiles and tons of emails.  I feel like fish food since setting up a profile, I get more contacts than I can handle.  This little angel fish thinks she’ll have to watch out for more sharks on this site.

I am enjoying myself, however, and plan to keep looking  for my prince.  Who knows, I may have already met him in those 3, or I may a few more frogs to kiss.

The Dating Diaries ~ First Date Story by Chuck

It should be noted that I may have to offer Chuck his own page on this blog.  I personally love  his style and humor, it plays well in the sandbox (he doesn’t throw the sand, smack others with his dump truck or shovel and bucket, and isn’t a cat so doesn’t view this as a litter box…we have good chemistry going here!)  I leave you this morning with Chuck, while I go find coffee and get a shower and get ready to take on this day….

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I have a first date story that I’d like to share.

Testing a comment made previously on this blogger’s site, I was compelled to test the “Welcome Home” theory.

My first date was walking into the appointed meeting place as I pulled up. Acting quickly, I beeped and waved. Well done me! She turned away from the door and started walking towards my car. My plan is working. I would much rather meet someone for the first time anonymously and away from others. There’s just something about meeting someone for the first time from a sitting position, a sitting in a restaurant or otherwise type of establishment that I’m uncomfortable with. As if one of us has been sitting there for a time alone has somehow drawn the attention of others. Hence, now our meeting is a show for the entertainment enjoyment of those already there and with someone! I’ve recognized those situations myself, and likewise take great interest in the opportunity to observe two strangers meeting.

So… as I got out my car and walked towards her in the relative anonymity provided by the establishment’s parking lot/building front my immediate thoughts were of her hair, her smile, and her eyes. Wild arse hair, great smile, and beautifully gifted eyes. I’m not one to ogle, so I didn’t check to see if the smile on her face went all the way to her toes as was claimed previously on this blogger’s site. However, I did note later when she showed me her lower back tat, the smile went at least that far… but I digress as is my tendency to do.

So back to my first meeting… As I approached, she smiled and held out her hand for the obligatory “shake”. I shook that off and went in for the ostensible “church hug”… after all, it was Sunday and no one refuses a church hug on Sunday. It has been my experience that “hello hugs”, while not necessarily taboo are generally not part of a “meeting you for the first time” greeting… at least in the virtual dating world. But that may have something to do with the virtual vs. actual touching thing where touching another person may absolutely ruin a good virtual experience. The hug was a bit awkward at first… I believe each of us had one arm up and one arm down but other than that, all I will say is that I was able to move my hands up and down her back a few times while contemplating the question, “do I feel ‘Welcome Home’?” Note I had driven an hour to get there and had just recently navigated a hairpin turn on a steep hill the likes of which have probably failed many an Oak Hills High School student driver. I won’t even mention the bus transfers, losing my luggage at the train station, and being pawed by the TSA lady I match dated once a few years back. Nonetheless, I knew for certain I was deep in the Westside… Like Charlie Sheen in Apocalypse Now, a near drop off from civilization… I think I smelled Indiana.

Again, back to “the hug” and the end of this story… what I felt is what I wanted to feel, and that was to be comfortable and comforted. That may sound strange but believe me it was exactly where I was at today. Maybe “Welcome Home” only happens at home… and I’m definitely okay with that concept. I also want to make one last point before going to bed (good thing I took a nap today… it will help at work tomorrow). She talks fast, upbeat, and with excitement… a conversational pace and style very similar to my own. Actually, even my use of the “ellipsis” or “…” in writing is simply a reflection of a conversational style of both wanting to provide further detail on a subject yet move on all at the same time (ADA, multitasking, call it what you will). But in general, the “…” notes that more was said or done in that interval and there may be more to come… which in case you’ve not been reading there is yet more to come…

The Dating Diaries ~ Maybe Mr. Right?

I’ve been corresponding with a guy via email and texts (we haven’t met in person as my schedule has been booked solid for the past few weeks but we will meet!).  He is confident that we are going to really hit it off, of course I do hope he is correct.  After all, I’m looking for Mr. Right. He feels he IS that person.  He wrote me and told me I could post his email to the Dating Diaries section of my blog.  He is a daily reader now…

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Here it is Thursday evening, and I thought that it would be a good time to write and tell Marti  how I look so forward to meeting. I am hoping that we can meet real soon . It may sound somewhat crazy, but as I have got to know Marti either through texting or emailing I really enjoyed getting to know her. I have told Marti that I am her Prince and I am going to sweep her off her feet. Only Marti will know.

Marti and I met online on a dating site, I believe that I emailed her and was lucky that she emailed me back. I have tried to share myself with Marti and let her get to know me the best I can so far. I have read Marvi Marti and it has really been something that I have enjoyed reading. I come home from work and get on the computer and read a little bit and see if Marti posted anything new. Marti told me in a text today that she had writers block. I told her to write about me and why I think I am the guy for her. Well she didn’t write about me so I said I would write as to why I am the guy for her.

Marti I don’t know if we are the one for each other or not. I do know that I have enjoyed texting and emailing each other. I like to text you good morning as I drive to work. I like to text you during the day and just ask you how your day is.

Why am I the one for Marti?

Marti I want to love and I am only looking for that one person to love. Are you the one?

I am the guy that knows how to let you be yourself and not be that controlling person or Manipulating person. That does not work in a relationship.

I am the guy that wants to make your heart beat fast every time we are together.

I am the guy that when we meet you feel that special feeling.

I am the guy that will make your eyes glisten every time we are together or when we go out I will dance for you in the parking lot.

I am the guy that wants to share me and not part of me but all of me with you.

I am the guy that wants to take the time to get to know you and enjoy you.

Marti I am not a material guy and I don’t care about material things. What I have found is that love or true love is more important then things you own.

Just a guy looking for true love again. I had true love before and I wanted true love again. This is something more that I will share with you in good time and hopefully it will be soon.

Marti I know that you are dating , but when we finally meet I want to be that last guy. Now how can I say that , I really don’t know. But what I do know is that I have really enjoyed trying to find out. I hope that are time will come when you and I look each other in the eyes and that is when we know that we are rite for each other. I want to be that one that makes your eyes sparkle.

Marti I like that you are open and sharing. I like it that you love kids as I have two of my own. I like it that you and I can talk and be open with each other and you allow me to share myself with you. Remember the mirror!! I want to have more experiences like that.

So I hope that after all is said and done that it is us that is together. I have a lot to share and a lot of love that I want to share, You could be the one. Lets meet really soon and start our memories together.

Mike

The Dating Diaries ~ Love And The Bull In A China Shop

Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed.  Maybe they’re supposed to run free until they find someone-just as wild- to run with. ~Sex & the City

In my on going search to find that one, special man, who finds me to be that one, special woman, I’m doing a lot of self examination.  The past 18 months have been a series of lessons in which I have had to face some things about myself and make some decisions about my life.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I’m a bit of a free spirit.  Okay a lot of one.   And like any wild creature, I cannot be tamed.  You can clip my wings, cage me and all you will have is a wild bird that will stop singing and will throw myself against my cage bars when frustrated, resulting in explosive exchanges between me and my significant other.  Peace and harmony isn’t possible when your spirit is trapped and contained (or worse yet, crushed) when what it needs is to fly free.

I tried very hard for 23 years, 22 of those while married to Lord Voldemort, to live with my wings clipped, existing within a cage that I willingly entered.  It didn’t work so well.  While I have a submissive nature, I’m still a wild creature that needs my freedom to be ME.  After a year  in a bible study, The Excellent Wife, and many prayers that seem endless, to have that quiet and gentle spirit, we still butted heads, constantly sometimes.  Over the past year and a half I realized that I DO have a quiet and gentle spirit.  Unless provoked, then this Taurian will snort, stomp and charge at the source of my agitation with the intent of goring it to pieces with my horns. I become like a bull in a china shop, the end results are never pretty.  I cannot entirely fault my ex, or take the blame myself, it is pretty much a 50/50 split.  I adored the man, loved him completely and very much wanted to make him happy.  But his ability to balance the position of leading me just wasn’t there.  Not with someone of as strong a nature as mine at least.  I stuck it out and would still be there, because when I commit to someone, it isn’t me that will throw in the towel, I just keep on trying to get it right.  Great man, great dad, horribly bad pairing with me.

In order to even begin to coexist with me, my significant other has to be a very strong personality.  A natural-born leader.  One that understands the balance between leading and dominance.  True leaders are able to rule their kingdoms with a firm but gentle hand.  It is because they are so well-balanced, fair and honorable that those under their leadership follow readily.  They do not rule by fear and lording their position over others.  They do not resort to cruelty to gain submission to their authority.  Because they are those of such great character that they lead with peace and harmony.  I cannot and won’t be subject to a tyrant.  My man has to have that balance.  Granted, it won’t be perfect all of the time, but the majority of the time.  After all we are all human and have our bad days.

If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy to deal with. If she’s easy to deal with, she won’t be amazing. – Love Quote Jones

Most men that I’ve dated or gotten close too have told me I am a wonderful person, amazing, kind, etc.  While I am certainly not perfect, I do think I am pretty awesome.  But with that comes a very head strong, stubborn, and sometimes difficult woman.  I’m…complex, multi-faceted…okay complicated.  Think layers, like an onion, to borrow from Shrek.  It takes someone special to peel those layers back carefully to learn all my secrets, dreams and fears.  It takes a man who is committed and willing to stick to the task.  Those are so few and far between there are days I really wonder if I will ever find the one for me.

I’ve loved 3 men, really loved, who I could and would love completely.  That I’d give everything in me to make them happy.  And I will never completely get over them, they have part of my heart that I cannot get back.   One divorced me, one belongs to someone else, and one will forever be a special friend and no more.  The last being the strongest personality of the 3, the strongest personality I’ve ever known, and the one I was most drawn too.  Anyone of them could wrap my heart and devotion back around their little finger in a minute.   The interesting thing is that somewhere deep in my soul, I knew them the minute I saw them.  There was instant chemistry, a complete draw.  I did not even know Lord Voldemort’s name, the first time I laid eyes on him I just knew I’d be married to him one day.  Similar things with the other two men, not that I had a premonition of a commitment, but something inside of me was drawn out and reached toward something inside of them.  Chemistry.  Something was there that I did not want to live my life without them being a part of it.

I believe when I find the right man, it will be like that again.  I will just know immediately, deep down,  this is the guy I want to be with, want to make happy, want to share laughter and good moments, the tears and difficult times. Only this time it  will be one that wants to keep me, one that wants to share their hopes,  dreams, fears and life with me.  He’ll understand that I need to be FREE, to be me,  my quirky, amazing, wild spirited self.  I will be faithful to him, love only him, and live to please him, fully and completely.  That one who doesn’t want to live without me being at his side, a part of his life.

The Dating Diaries ~ Dialoging With Chuck

Yesterday I posted a Q & A with a new reader, Chuck, a charming gentleman  who was seeking my marvelous advice as he was approaching a potential match via an online dating service.  While I have no real fortune telling expertise, I was able to communicate with some spirits (no not alcohol, it wasn’t Beer:Thirty yet) to assist him as he was preparing to ask out this Snap Dragon delicate flower that had captured his interest.

Last night (okay really dang early this morning) Chuck left another correspondence on my page, on that particular blog, that I feel I simply MUST reply too.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Marti,

You could not have provided more perfect insight into this woman’s availability, her first date preferences, and, most importantly, her willingness to go on a date with me. The stars were aligned as you predicted they would be. The out of commission crystal ball could not have been more fruitful. All Hail Marti without balls. But I digress…

I called her today for the first time and talked to her briefly. We quickly came to an agreement, as your suggestions hinted, to meet at a local venue during a time period you had suggested. That first call is always interesting. You never know what’s going to be on the other end… a southern drawl, jersey accent, valley girl, jive talk, or even worse, a WVU Mountaineer. You have to be ready for anything and be sure to point out nothing. Normally when calling and speaking to someone for the first time I simply state small, medium, or large, then toppings, and lastly crust type. But this call is different and an evening meal comparative is overly understated. This call could be the beginning of a significant life change. It holds untold opportunity. I won’t say my palms were sweating, but I do take the “first call” serious and given the gravity of it all, may have stammered more than once. As I recall, her voice was soft, contradicting the strength she projects in her online dating profile, however, she was decisive and her words were spoken with confidence. She had a happy, upbeat, and positive sounding voice. But the conversation did get a bit strange at times as sporadically her voice would change to what can only be described as a crying baby sound. I immediately started thinking about golf and bark collars, places that are quiet or things that make quiet… I certainly didn’t see that daydream coming right in the middle of this potentially life changing conversation. Any stammering may have been rooted in getting back to my original train of thought to ask this woman out and to firm up a place and time. The closing of the call was quite awkward also as she went full tilt into the crying baby voice again and I could tell from my view at the 7th tee that she was quite distracted. But all’s well that ends well and she and I are lined up…

At your pleasure, I may post from time to time to keep you updated on my progress.

Your grateful subject,

Chuck

~*~

Dear, Sweet Chuck,

(Brings to mind Peppermint Patty, one of my favorites, talking to Charlie Brown. I’m totally cool like her but with blond hair)

I am flattered that I could be of assistance!

Ah yes, first calls can indeed be a tad intimidating.  Sounds like you must have liked her voice.  No doubt she was a bit nervous herself, worried you might think she sounded like Helga, the head warden at a woman’s prison.  Hopefully when you meet in person she doesn’t actually resemble Helga!  I am most certain that she found your voice quite pleasant, with a soothing quality about it.   I just have insider scoops like that, I’m Marvelous after all. (Actually I tried to ‘look into things’ via the spirits this morning but she was singing along with PINK, poor creature really never will be able to pursue a singing career…the sounds coming from her throat were like nails on a chalk board, couldn’t stay connected to her, it was too painful so I’ll have to just give my opinion today)

Hmm…yes those first calls can be the beginning of a significant life change.  Don’t down play the pizza call, honey, those can bring on significant life changes too, like clogged arteries, need for increased sizing in the rear cargo hold of one’s jeans, all sorts of dreadful side effects if one calls too often!  Hmm…thinking that a supreme with a well done thin crust is sounding really yummy right now *stops to dial 347-1111*.  Okay now where were we….oh yes…

My goodness,  she cried?  Perhaps it was tears of joy?  Fear?  Was she in pain?   Then again perhaps she cares for those little carpet critters, Crumb Crunchers of the diapered variety?  *bark collars? what kind of kinky soul are we dealing with here? Best not go there, we’re only a PG-13 rating on this page. ..intriguing though….NOTE TO SELF: Get back to this in another venue*

First dates, so nerve racking aren’t they?  Well at least you have the date, time and location nailed down.  No doubt she is equally relieved.  Then there is the “what to wear” dilemma, don’t want to over dress, but don’t wish to under dress either.  After all, no shoes, no shirt can and does apply to a first date as well.  But how much shirt?  For women it really is a tough time of decision making.  Shave the back or braid and bead the hair?  Show the tattoos of all the ex’s  names, or not?  What of the body piercings?  Will that freak him out and send him running?  Choosing between favorite fuzzy slippers, 8 inch stripper stilettos or combat boots.  It is SO difficult sometimes.  Though Helga, Marvi Marti is confident you will both chose wisely so as not to have to contend with possible wardrobe malfunctions or critical first impression misunderstandings. *2nd NOTE TO SELF: Tell Helga not to put that pink streak in her hair and keep the twins IN her shirt this time to avoid further arrests*

Well my dear Chuck, sounds like things are off to a good start in the right direction toward a possible train wreck of your life as you know it positively marvelous, significant change in life for you both!  Keep in touch,  darling!

Marvelously Yours,

Marti

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

Today I am going to do a little Q & A session (that would be “question and answer” for those of you who, like me, discovered there was only enough leaded java in the house for ONE pot this morning, split between 3 women who would kill for less than a cup of coffee).  While I AM severely low on caffeine I will try ever so hard to answer this kind, new reader’s questions.  I’m helpful like that.  I know, you are impressed, right?

So, Chuck wrote the following comment on one of my entries:

Dear Most Incredibly Marvelous Martha, you goddess of all things Marvi, (okay he didn’t say that part but I’m taking artistic liberty here because, well, I can)

hmmm… This should be interesting. I just happen to run across your blog and noticed that you have a “dating dairies” section. I found it to be very interesting and thought maybe you could give me a few pointers. See, here’s my situation… I potentially may not know what I’m doing but I met this woman online last night, moments after I changed my profile to “view” from it being down for a while, her pic/profile popped up. I looked at her pics first… because that is the first litmus of whether to continue or not. After seeing she was quite beautiful in a variety of settings, I continued to read her profile. Well, to make a long story short we winked at one another, traded phone numbers, and friended ourselves on Facebook. She seems to be one of these creative types, good sense of humor, depth of character, and so on. Well, getting to the point here… what kind of places or activities might be appropriate for a first date with this type of woman, when might it be appropriate to ask her out? I’d be willing to let her pick the place, date, and time.

You adoring fan, (artistic liberty again)

Chuck

I think I should consult with my Crystal Ball but I cannot find the damn Magic 8 ball it is in the shop for a tune up so I’ll have to wing it.

*draws the blinds to darken the room, lights candles, begins rubbing temples, chanting “oh spirits, enlighten me with the answers for this kind gent”, face contorts a bit…*

The spirits tell me that there are several appropriate first date options here, as I can just tell this lady is simple in her tastes, and enjoys the opportunity for conversation.

A picnic would be one option.  A lady can tell a lot about a gentleman by what he packs  to take her to a park  to munch, sip and talk.

My guess is she is also a bit of a sport buff, and might enjoy taking in a Reds game, either in a nice little sports bar that serves good food,  or at a game if it isn’t too hot and humid.  After all, a princess doesn’t feel real attractive if she is sweating like a pig glistening in the sunshine.

Dinner and a few rounds of putt-putt and then ice cream can also be fun and amusing.

She likely enjoys concerts in the park, especially the Cincinnati Pops, though any band playing in a park usually is good with her.

I’m feeling she likes casual attire and relaxed settings.

I also feel her Sunday afternoon and evening might be free, or an evening next week.

and….. darn, the spirits are fading away….

*blows out candles, and opens the blinds*

There you have it, Chuck, the spirits have spoken.

Good luck to you, sir, though something tells me  the stars are in alignment in your favor!  *wink*

The Dating Diaries ~ GU’s

For those of you not familiar with the term, GU = geographically undesirable.

One of the things I have set, and specified in my profiles on the dating sites is that long distance relationships are OUT.  I’m not relocating and frankly not into seeing someone as they pass through my area heading to their various sales territories, no matter how many times a week they happen to be here.   Just screams of “married with a girl in every town” kinda guy, ya know?  If you reside in or near Timbuktu, please don’t waste my time.  It implies desperation and I’m betting your  photo is hanging on the FBI’s 10 most wanted board.  I’m thinking a date with you might have uncanny similarities to the opening 10 minutes of an episode of CSI.

So, when I receive a wink, flirt or email from anyone on the dating sites, the first thing I  note is LOCATION,  LOCATION, LOCATION.  Assuming it is a respectable distance (50 miles or less,  though honestly prefer about 25 or less) I look further.  Do I line up with the desired build, looks, age and other criteria.  Can the poor  bloke spell and string together a complete sentence?  How much BS am I wading through (popular buzz phrases get nixed, I look for honest write ups).

I had a doozie this morning in my incoming mail.

Screen name indicated he had curiosity of epic proportions.

Location?  Williamsburg, NY.  Never heard of it but a little googling it is basically Brooklyn, NY.   Yeah, that falls within my 50 mile radius.  Seriously in a city the size of New York you cannot find a woman closer to home?

Next was his age, which says he is 52.  Now if I had to guess, 32 is more like it.  Seriously that or this one has discovered the fountain of youth and maybe I need to consider meeting for a drink some where close by, like perhaps Detroit?

His preferences for height in his ideal mate range from 3 foot to 5’7″.

Body type: athletic, slender, curvy, toned.  Hmm….okay

Pretty much all his essay criteria are  related to physical affection (I’m thinking Adult Friend Finder is more in line with his desires, but hey, trying not to judge!)

His age range of the ideal mate:  seeking women 29-40
within 5 miles of Brooklyn, New York, United States

*scratching head,  completely perplexed*

Yeah?  Someone needs to help this epic curious dude understand that there is a lot of distance between me and  Brooklyn….few hundred  miles to be exact.

And 29-40 years old…um 48 is just a few years beyond that, beyond what one might even term ‘the gray area’.

Needless to say I sent a polite thanks, but really not interested in a long distance relationship.  I decided not to bother bringing up all the obvious ‘no match’ areas of his and my profiles.  His reply:

“Thank you so much for the mail, well i just want you to understand that distance does not have any thing to do with true love. “

True, it does not.  But honesty might.  Not to mention being REALISTIC.

*bangs head on desk*

The Dating Diaries ~ What Is The Protocol?

Okay this bears asking because, well damn it this is the kind of stuff my life is full of…weird, odd, WTF kind of things.

So, you find a break in your afternoon and decide it is a good time to go check and see if you have any new matches on any of your online dating sites.  After all, you want to meet someone and you haven’t had time to check it most of the day.

Grabbing a fresh cup of coffee, you sit down and log in and sure, you have some matches, emails, winks and flirts.  After going through all those you decide to run a search and see what potentials exist in your area that maybe you haven’t yet seen.  Putting in the criteria you hit enter and a bunch of thumbnail photos with profiles attached come up.  And low and behold, there he is…

the one you thought was prince charming

the guy who had a smile that turned you on from across the room

the one you swore you’d go to the ends of the earth for

the man that rocked your world

the father of your children

YOUR EX HUSBAND!!!

So, what exactly is acceptable protocol at this point?  Of course you don’t wish to date him,  I mean for crying out loud he is an EX for a reason!!!!

X marks the spot.

X is the sign for POISON.

But, assuming you have a terribly warped sense of humor…and you know that I DO….

Is it acceptable to send a *wink* ?????

Just for shits & giggles?

I hope so…cause I DID!

Yes I really did, and hopefully old Lord Voldemort has finally grown a sense of humor.

Wanna bet he HASN’T and that it gets his boxers in a knot?