I Am NOT Alone

There is a grave  misconception that if you are single, you are alone.  That poor, lonely woman/man, all alone in the world.

Excuse me?  I am far from alone or lonely.

If I wanted to reactivate my dating profiles on all the dating sites, I’d have no end to the dates.  No kidding, I had dated 13 men thanks to those sites, in a very short period of time.  The Count being number 13, evidentially he is NOT my lucky number guy. OR maybe he was, he showed me I was still caught in the cycle of being a pleaser and that had to stop.  No more  bending me to mold to someone elses specifications.  I could start that whole saga again, many of those men would still love to be on my dance card.  I know this due to the sudden influx of communication when I changed my status in life back to single.

I have a multitude of friends, both men and women.  At any time I can find a male friend to go have a beer, a sporting event or something a bit more intimate.  I have girlfriends I can call to go hit a movie, dinner or a cemetery tour (don’t judge, it was by full moon and very cool).  My kids love to do many of these and other things.  My Divas, yes we all love this and more.   I have plenty of people in my life to fill any need I have on a friendship or social level.  If I stay home and do nothing, it is my choice!

Single does not mean lonely or alone.  Single = FREEDOM!  INDEPENDENCE!!

Other than my work responsibilities, I can come and go as I please!  I see who I want, when I want, do what I want when I want to do it!

Lonely? Hardly.

Alone? Really? Nope not at all.

If I want to sleep next to someone, that can be easily arranged too. Yes, I have friends I can call if I want to spend the night in the arms of someone special.  Believe me they need to be special to make that list.

My point is:  being single doesn’t mean I am lonely.  It simply means I am not committed to anyone….but me!

In the new year I plan to write 365 reasons that being single ROCKS.  I know that is a huge undertaking but I think I can do it!  Every day I will find some reason why being INDEPENDENT is awesome!

The Dating Diaries ~ My Fantasy Dating Profile

I follow a guy on Twitter and through his blogs, Dad Unmasked, who is a divorced dad raising 2 girls.  I love what he writes about in both venues.  As someone that has done the dating site game, I totally enjoyed his Fantasy Dating Profile post.  It inspired me to write one of my own.

The whole idea is that the profile I write is REAL, the real me!  The fantasy in this case being that someone out there wants the REAL people, not the Barbie dolls.  I cannot tell you the number of profiles I had read of guys who are overweight, unemployed or living like it (hey can only go on your pictures of the trashed trailer you appear to be sitting in with dirty dishes stacked high and trash bags piled around) that are dog ugly and specify that the female needs to be trim, in shape, and gorgeous.  Really?  So see, the fantasy is that someone would really want the real me!  And so far that guy I seek must be a fantasy too, as I’m just looking for a REAL guy. But that is for the post I will title “Mr. Right’s Fantasy Dating Profile” to be posted in the near future.

SO, here is my fantasy dating profile:

My Self Summary:  I’m a 48 year old, divorced mother of two.  My children are both adults, they do not live with me but are known to make unscheduled, unannounced visits and this is a good thing.  I’m 5’6″ tall, curvy with a few extra pounds.  Yes a FEW.  NO I am not fat, obese, etc.  When I say few I mean it, I am nothing if not brutally honest.  I have big boobs, a plus to some men and a minus to others. I have hips and a booty and I’m not upset about it.  I’m very happy with myself as I am.  I’m not your sugar mama, I don’t make a lot of money.  But I’m very happy with what I make and comfortable.  I am not a clean freak but I’m not a hoarder.  If it hasn’t been used or worn in 6 months I dispose of it to charity or the trash.  I don’t like clutter and I won’t live with it either.

I’m really good at:  Cleaning, taking care of little ones, and sales.  I was a very good office manager too, but I’ve made a serious career change into daycare and sales and have no intentions of returning to managing anyone’s office but my own.  I can cook but don’t like too so my talents are limited.  But I’ve yet to go hungry.  I’m good at cheering for my favorite football teams and yes I do like watching it either in the stadium, a sports bar, or my own living room with friends.  I can dress up and look like a million but frankly much prefer a tailgate, fire pit, a hoodie and some beer with friends.

The first thing people notice about me:  My eyes.  If I had a dollar for every time someone complimented my eyes I’d be rich.

Favorites:

Food: Chipotle steak bowls, with rice, black beans, corn salsa and cheese…no sour cream. EVER.

Movies: too many to name but they are not all chick flicks.

Music: that varies with my mood or the mood I wish to set.  Country, classical, hip-hop, classic rock, easy listening, soft rock…

Books:  first and foremost my bible. Then a variety of things, romance, historical fiction, biographies, autobiographies, motivational, business…I love to read.

TV Shows:  Blue Bloods, CSI, CSI:NY, NCIS and Criminal Minds.

I’m seeking: A man who is honest, I cannot and will not tolerate lies.  Someone who is affectionate, who isn’t looking for a Barbie Doll, is loyal/faithful (sorry don’t share), works hard but doesn’t let work come before his family, someone seeking a best friend in their mate and not a trophy.

Sadly this isn’t what most are seeking I am thinking.  But I’m working on a post all about the real me.  I did one for my 100th post long ago, but thinking it is time to really open up. That is a post coming too.

BEEP – Time’s Up!

Fellas, don’t suddenly decide to remember her the very moment she finally forgets you. Let her go & let her be. ~ TheSingleWoman™

It has been a week since things fell apart with The Count.  I’m sitting here at my computer analyzing it one last time.  Last time because I figure a week has gone by now and if in 7 days he didn’t see fit to find time to contact me and iron this out, then perhaps I am the one that needs to rethink the relationship.  True love would not let something so ridiculous as a Facebook post that may be seen by a 12yo end a relationship (sorry 99% of those on my Facebook are adults and the post had to do with politics, the Occupy weirdos and as it happened they were topless women).  Looking back it may not have been one of my brighter shinning moments when it comes to posting stuff, but gee, really?  So I’ve been rethinking everything and going back over the pros and cons of the Count & Me, and analyzing it all.

I need more than a few texts and one day a week to build a relationship.  We aren’t talking a “friends with benefits” thing here.  This was us, planning a future, talking about a future business, where we’d live, like as in LONG TERM and permanent.  Him being busy I understand, but not so busy that the person you claim to love doesn’t take more priority in your life.  I’m not unreasonable and really not all that demanding.  I saw much more of the ex husband when we were dating (several nights a week and weekends) and he lived 2 hours away!  In the beginning, with the Count, in the first few weeks, we did see each other a bit more, but then his job got in the way.  SO…is a phone call on the way home from work that taxing? Or one night during the week finding time, like in the beginning of the relationship, to have dinner on that night he wasn’t working?

Meanwhile of the 12 other men I dated off the dating sites, several would have been happy to continue to date, see me far more often and 3 of them would have carted me off to Vegas and got married after the first date.  I wouldn’t have done that, my mother didn’t raise a fool, but it would be very nice to have fallen in love with someone that put me just a little bit higher up the priority list, where I did not feel like an after thought.   And if you cannot spend more than a day a week with me, then don’t ask me not to date other people.  If you don’t have time for a relationship, why in the world were you on a dating site to begin with? Why start something that you know full well you cannot give the time too that it deserves?  Why would you get involved and let someone fall in love with you, fall in love with them (or so you say), knowing that you cannot (frankly in this case more like will not) devote the time to them that is needed to grow things?

The statute of limitations for over hauling and putting this relationship back on the rails has run out.

*Note To Self:  never again, as the saying goes, make someone in my life a priority that only makes me an option.*

Meet Me On Monday

Welcome to the 57th edition of “Meet Me On Monday!” 

Blogging  is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read  and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, “who is  this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want  to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great  way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you  questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we  can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them  better!!  Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!

Questions:

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?
2.  What is your favorite card game?
3.  What do you wear to bed? 
4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?
5.  What is your usual bed time?
—————————————————————
My Answers!

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?

Yes, my family, friends,  the ex-husband, the kids, guys I dated off the online dating sites (some of them even subscribe to it!) and yes, Steve knows and to my knowledge doesn’t read it but supports me, probably the only people that really don’t know about my blog is the current neighbors.   I have an open door policy for my blog.  Though I admit, parts are password protected, and I DO post on a site  where I can let it all loose when I just need to vent without hurting feelings.

2.  What is your favorite card game?

That  would be Rook (aka Baptist Bridge).  I really am not much of a card player but I really like Rook…I GET IT  so it is a good game!

3.  What do you wear to bed?

Well…jammies until I am IN the bed.  Then partial jammies.  No bottoms as nothing bugs the crap out of me more than getting tangled in my jammies so I remove those.  They are close by lest the house catch fire and I have to hang my big white butt  out of the window naked.  NOT good fodder for the community press or the 11pm news.

4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?

Regular old fries….used to be McDonald’s but they got all healthy and ruined the flavor.  Now, I suppose White Castle is good, Burger King….just fries, ya know?  For the most part I haven’t met a french fry I didn’t like.

5.  What is your usual bed time?

Well I aim for 10pm but lucky to get there at 11pm most nights.  Once in a while  I am just too tired and go earlier but that is  rare.  11pm ish  so to speak would be my regular bed time.

The Dating Diaries ~ Life In The Moment…

As my readers have likely picked up on, I LOVE P!nk, love The Greatest Hits So Far album, and thank my baby sister for buying it for me.  I ripped it to my PC and the CD is in my car, I love everyone of the 16 songs except number 10, but I’m too conservative for that one.

One of my favorite songs  on the album is “Glitter In The Air”, a great love song.  I know the feeling of being touched so gently I wanted to cry.  Looking fear in the face (fear of getting my heart broken yet again) and saying “I don’t care” and letting myself FEEL again.  Of  not wanting a night to end, wondering if it could ever get better than that moment.  And all because of one man.  A man I met online through a dating site.  A man that emailed me and I didn’t respond for a few days, and damn near didn’t at all.  A man who was about to give up on finding the one, but gave it another shot.  That man, of course, is the Count.  AKA: Steve.  But you know me, I love nick names.  My very own Mikhail Dubrinsky.

Trusting has been the hardest thing for me to do.  I trusted for 22 years, and that got me no where but alone and emotionally destroyed.  I tried again, 2 more times, and those were just more breaks  in my heart. I was done at that point.  Dating was a way to just get out and meet men, I really didn’t plan on finding the one, this Cinderella had long given up on finding the fairy tale prince.  Yes I was looking, but I did not feel like that was even a remote possibility.  I kept meeting guys that were totally smitten with me, but it wasn’t mutual.  Many read my blog pages, had the full story, knew that I was the ‘nut case’ the ex feels I am, (they all find me quirky cute in every aspect with one guy that was  the exception, and thought the ex had a hole in his marble bag) and wanted me anyway.  I knew 23 years  ago  without a word being said, not even knowing my ex husband’s name so I knew that chemistry would be there or  not be there. Sure, things develop over time, but there is this initial draw, like two magnets, and it hadn’t happened.

Then came the email from The Count, expressing interest.  I read  his profile, looked at his photos, and decided to think on it.  My plan was to delete all my online accounts and toss in the towel.  I had dated 12 men  already and not yet found that undeniable pull.  I waited a few days to reply, but many times I went back to his profile.  Something in his eyes drew me in, again and again.  I  didn’t feel I matched  his criteria so wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, but I finally replied.  Then we talked on the phone.  I was still terribly hesitant to meet.  But deep down something was  stirring and that something would not let me out of this.  I  agreed to meet him for dinner.

Little did I know that when I walked into the meeting place, my life was about to shift dramatically.  The man looking back at me as I walked in the door had the most amazing eyes.  I swear they could pierce a hole in steel, and when he looked in my eyes he looked straight inside my heart and soul.  There was instant chemistry and draw.  It was very scary to me.  I’ve kind of sat on that fear a good deal since.  Not fear of HIM, but fear of the intense feelings I have  for him, from the beginning!  My heart was way ahead of my brain and that was scary.  I was just waiting, after each date, to hear that he just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, he is feeling it too.  We text like a couple of teenagers!  I got flowers last week for no reason other than he was thinking about me and wanted me to know this.  He doesn’t hold back at all telling me how he feels about me.  When we are together, for no reason out of no where he will  just stop, kiss me and tell me he loves me.  We  talk in terms of here and now, but also the future.  a future that is me and him, side by side, building a life together.  But we are going SO slow, taking our time, letting this bloom, grow and unfold it’s petals without rushing it.  There is no hurry, the feelings are there and grow each day.

Will I get my heart broken again?  I  don’t believe so, but only time will tell.  We’ve both suffered severe heart breaks at the hands of those we dearly loved, the ones we’d have gone to the ends of the earth for and back again.  We  are advancing with baby steps even though our emotions are miles ahead of us,  and just enjoying this one day at a time.

The  Count is part of my supporting cast now, photo and all.  Love is awesome.

The Dating Diaries ~ Love Grows In My Garden

The garden gate opens now all on it’s own, it recognizes The Count and welcomes him inside the walls that protect my heart.  He brings with him a warmth when he enters here, a feeling of peace and harmony.  Little by little, he is exploring every inch of the landscape, getting to know everything that grows here or has  once been within the walls.  While we’ve glanced  across  to the area that is burned and damaged, he doesn’t push for more than I am ready to give up.  Already love is sowing healing seeds and new growth is starting on the other side.  With every day the painful memories of the past slip further away under the sprouting new flowers there, and in some  strange way my past tears are now fertilizing the soil that is bringing forth the new life.

I knew when I met the former prince, before I even knew his name, that he was someone I was supposed love and marry.  This time, I had only a photo, voice and a lot of communication on texts and the phone with The  Count, but inside something was stirring to life.  The first time I looked into his eyes I knew that feeling again.  Destiny was sitting in front of me, all I had to do was let it take me by the hand and lead me.  When he reached out and took my hand, continuing to see into my eyes and my heart and soul, we both knew.  There was no denying it.  When he searched inside of me, he didn’t push, and I didn’t deny him what he wanted to see.  He has gone where  only one other person dared to look, but that one was not mine, and I was not his.  For a long time I did not grasp why, but now I know…because Mr. Wonderful was not my destiny, The Count is.

From that first meeting, in the first few moments, there hasn’t been any singular in our discussions. It has been all about us, we, our….we’re like 2 puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly together.  The longer we are together the less of the seam that separates us can be seen even to us.  His life dream and mine fit together so very well.  Completely different, yet so perfectly suited to compliment each.  When we envision those dreams, we see each other in there, have since the first moment.  He is a very strong personality, with the softest of hearts.

I needed a man who could match or exceed the strength of my personality, there is no questioning he is that one.  Yet he is tender, and loving and wants to make me happy.  He knows my dark secrets, I know his.  We both accept the other completely: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  Neither of is looking for perfect, we both want someone perfectly imperfect.  I’m reading the book that was mentioned once by Chuck, Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs,  and see where the former prince and I went wrong, some of the situations described could be right out of our 22 years, down to the very words used in scenarios.  It won’t happen again, I simply won’t allow it.  I  know where I went wrong, where he was wrong, and how to not let that happen this time around.

“Go slow” is the intent, but it is hard.  We both know we need time to figure it all out, but we’re both in and committed.  My dating profiles have been removed, I have no desire to see anyone else, I found him.  Or maybe better said, he found me.  One flirt on a dating site has led to the start of what WILL be an amazing life as we work together to make our dreams come true.

The Dating Diaries ~ Get It Off My Hanger!

I’ve noticed something on the dating sites that I’ve also seen in society in general:  We all tend to hang our self esteem on other people’s hangers.  This is obvious by the reactions to being rejected.  I wrote a blog about this last year, when I decided to remove MY self esteem from the hangers of others opinions of me.

I know that I am a good hearted woman, I am attractive, and I’m a great catch for the right man.  Key word being RIGHT.  Not every man is right for me, in fact most will not be, and that is okay.  I will find the one that I don’t want to live without and  make him the happiest guy around.  He will be blessed and thank God every day that my ex divorced me so that I could be found by him, the one that will treasure me.  Goodness knows plenty of men I have dated have told me to thank  him for setting me free just so they had a chance at knowing me even though it ended up just a friendship.  Yes, I AM that special!  Guess what? SO ARE YOU! To many someones in this world you are that precious too, you just have to find the one that wants to keep you and you want to keep them.  It took me a while to accept that single best thing my ex did for me, since he didn’t cherish and treasure me, was to let me go so someone else COULD.  And then I removed my self esteem from his hanger, put it on MINE and learned what a great person this marvelous woman really is!

We all tend to let it bother us when someone finds  fault in us, be it that we don’t clean correctly, dress the way they think we should, talk too loud, talk too much, aren’t as pretty or fit or whatever someone else has in their mind for what we should be.  Or, what they think their ideal match is, as is the case on dating sites.

On a dating site, we fill out our dating profiles and then hope to catch the attention of someone that meets our criteria.  Some people, like myself, put serious time and effort into the written portions of their profiles.  We take the quizzes, psychology tests of some kind, that determine things about our personalities and preferences to assist in finding the perfect match.  We chose photos of ourselves in various situations to help portray who we are to potential mates and then hope for the best.  There are those that for whatever reason think putting down one word or one line  answers is going to just impress the snot  out of others,  oh and 1 fuzzy photo of themselves from 50 feet away, astride their Harley (at least it LOOKS like it might be one from that blurred image) and then 5 photos of their dogs or sunsets, which don’t happen to be blurry, go figure.

The sites  have standard questions about smoking and your preference, drinking of  alcohol, height, marital/relationship status for you and your preferred match.  It is amazing, I swear some of the  sites asked me for what brand of toilet paper I purchase, or it seemed that way.  So, anyway, if  I am looking  over profiles of potentials, I can see right away if they are someone I want to meet.  Their photos, what they write, what their physical characteristics are etc, all give me clues to them.

As I stated the other day, I can and DO glean a lot  from a person’s profile.  It is the ‘first impression’ and believe me it DOES make a difference.  A haphazard profile is a good  indication that someone is careless and doesn’t take care of themselves, so I know they aren’t going to make me a priority.  Or it may be a very well written profile, but just not be someone of interest to me because we don’t share common interests.  It is always perplexing when someone writes and says “I see we have a lot in common…” and I go look and find they are into sky diving, hang gliding, NASCAR…nothing at ALL in common.  My guess then is they saw my pics and thought I was attractive so they’d give it a shot.  I  know what it is I’m looking for, and when I find it, I will know.  I knew immediately when I met the ex Prince, before he opened his mouth or I even knew his name, I said to my mom “I am going to marry that one”. Sure enough I did.  Trust me, I can tell enough from what I read and see on a profile, if there is any interest.  A few emails between us and my first impression is confirmed if there were any doubts.

So where am I headed with this?  I am growing tired of men contacting me, and when I tell them “I’m sorry but I am just not interested, but good luck in your search” I am called names and they begin personal attacks.  Mr. Confident isn’t the first or last (he just stood out).  Last night a guy from Louisville,  Kentucky contacted me.  He is like 2 hours  away.  When I said “I’m sorry, but as I state in my profile, I am not interested in a long distance relationship, I cannot relocate and unless you are able too, should  we hit it off, it just won’t work out” he in turn wrote back and called me an asshole!  Wow, really?  I didn’t bother to go into the fact that nothing about his profile or photos was even remotely appealing to me, I was kind and polite.  Another potential that contacted me said “I knew I wasn’t in your league and you’d think you were too good for me” (I get that ‘outta my league’ stuff entirely too much).    I don’t think I am too good for you, YOU JUST DO NOT INTEREST ME!!!!

What I see here is a bunch of  men that get their hopes up that some attractive female might want to date them, and then their ego gets bruised if she says no.  No  one is out of anyone’s league.  Period.  But no one wants to go out with someone they are not interested in.  Just because you have an interest in me doesn’t mean I share that interest.  If it isn’t mutual, why waste our time?  Sure, I realize that by some slim, snowball’s chance in hell we might hit it off, but I might get struck by lightening or win the lottery too…twice.  The man I seek is hot and handsome on the INSIDE and it shows through his profile in not only his photos, but in his smile, what  he writes about himself, his attitude that comes  through in those  writings.  None of us are going to be knock  outs when we are  old and wrinkled up like a fuzzy, mold covered prune, but our inner self will still be beautiful, and that is what I am looking for most, that inner man that will rock my world.

Stop hanging your self esteem on my hanger.  If going out with me is what you need to feel good about you, buddy you are in a world of hurt!

The Dating Diaries ~ ACCESS DENIED

“Go ahead..let people label you. It just shows they wanna put you in a box because they’re so afraid of what you can do” ~ The Single Woman

~*~

Online dating, if nothing else, is highly entertaining at times.  Just reading profiles is good for laughs.  Despite what some  folks think, one can glean a good deal about someone by their own words in their profile.

One thing a well written profile does is gives me a good clue if someone will be compatible with me.   First starting with  their physical stats, like height, weight, location, and for me even their astrological sign.  You recall,  from earlier posts, fire fighters and those born under the sign of Aquarius, Scorpio or Leo, are just not good matches  for me.  Fire fighter Aquarians are simply a disaster trying to occur.

In the essay sections of a profile, where a person has the opportunity to tell me about themselves, it can either be a deal breaker before we ever get to ‘hello’ or it can spark the desire  for an introduction.  I forgive a random typo, but I’m picky, too many of them and it becomes obvious that the writer just doesn’t put any time or thought into themselves or they’d be trying harder to put forth something of quality.  Also, things a person likes to do in their spare  time, or  for fun, helps me to know if there is a chance at chemistry.

For example, I was contacted by a gentleman (and I use this term very loosely as he certainly didn’t behave like one, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself) who was interested in meeting.  I looked over his profile carefully and somethings stood out to me, and yes I am going to rip this sucker apart dissect some sections to show first why he is not a good match for me.

Okay let’s do some examination of his profile:

” I enjoy any activity that can be done outdoors camping, biking, hiking, tennis, volleyball, water skiing, festivals, and traveling. I also enjoy art shows, auctions, yard sales, shopping and dining out along with good conversation. “

Okay first off, I love being outside!  However camping = Holiday Inn Express.  I grew up camping all over this country.  I do not like to camp anymore, period.

Biking = Harley Davidson/Honda etc…fender fluff.  I don’t care for peddling.  It has to have a motor and rumble baby.

Water skiing – not so much.  Not a huge fan of water I cannot see the bottom of so water  skiing just is  not appealing.

Art shows/auctions/shopping – Not much into art, auctions YAWN no thanks, and shopping?  This girl HATES FLIPPING SHOPPING!

So far, as you can see, this isn’t going to be a good match.  We are  not on the same pages enough when it comes to activities we enjoy.

Then he posts:

My photos are current. Please don’t expect the Brad Pitts, bad boy type from me. I don’t have a beer belly, long hair, hairy back, tattoos, earrings, nose rings, belly piercing, or a motorcycle (although I might get one in the future, lol). What I do have is a big heart, self assured, confident, positive attitude, optimistic, a job and white teeth! lol

Hmm…getting the idea that he is intimidated by the bad boy/rebel  types.  And tattoos and a nose ring might not be up his alley, which means ME as my nose is pierced and I have some ink.  Not to mention if you are someone that is so confident and self assured, you don’t tear down other ‘types’ when telling me what you are all about.  Truly confident individuals don’t do that sort of thing, they don’t compare themselves to anyone or point out what they perceive as flaws in others.  Bad form my man.

So reading further, this stands out to me:

Things that I believe in:

- My Dad & Mom taught me well
- You will hurt and be hurt by those you love and showing you care afterward can strengthen those relationships
- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships
- Most mistakes can become blessings if you learn along the way
- We’re never truly alone
- People cross paths for reasons so pay attention
- Everything happens for a reason and those who learn from those reasons gain knowledge from life’s experiences.
- It’s safe to trust your instincts because you’ll know early if someone “gets” you and you “get” them
- It’s better to laugh than to cry
- Sunrises, sunsets and rainy days were meant to be shared
- A hug can make it all better

I want you to remember the part  in red there, it will be important in a bit.

And then this part stood out to me too (dude was LONG on the writing which is okay if it doesn’t all contradict itself)

I borrowed the below info from another profile. I thought it was somewhat close to me. BTW, I have blue eyes and I’m looking for a woman no matter what her eyes color maybe. I already had one shallow woman proclaim she didn’t have blue eyes so she tossed me back into the water! Come on, please have an open mind and expand our horizons when it comes to looking for a partner. There has been only one perfect “MAN” in this world so far!

BLUE EYES:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don’t care what people think or say. They love to party. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when they need to be. They are bad to the bone.

Okay Mr. Confident is back to dissing people again, because someone was not interested in him she must be shallow?  Oh and he just told us earlier he isn’t a bad boy type, yet he is bad to the bone?

I had immediately picked up on the fact that this guy is anything but confident.  He resorted to name calling and knocking others in his profile, it screams of someone that lacks self confidence and doesn’t handle rejection very well.  And not finding anything in his profile that indicated compatibility I told him I wasn’t interested.  I figured if he doesn’t handle rejection well (shallow woman???) online, after a date or  two when things were confirmed for me that this was NOT the future Mr. Marvi  Marti,  he might have a full blown melt  down.

Oh and before I go any  further, I need to point out that I have a photo on my profile of me in a Halloween costume I wore once.  The reason? I am a curvy girl, big boobs, and some hips that gave birth 3 times.  Not fat, but curves are a part of me.  So since that shot gives the viewer a good indication of what they are getting, I used  it.    You’ll understand why I’m showing this photo in a minute, so hang  on.

This morning, while laying in bed answering my emails on the dating site, there continued a little exchange with Mr. Confident (we had exchanged a few very short emails last week but I told him I was too busy to meet then):

sent 7/9/2011  7:50:42 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
How’s your schedule looking for this weekend or next week?
Thanks.

sent 7/9/2011  10:01:17 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
At the moment just not interested.

sent 7/10/2011  7:24:49 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
why not? Has something happened in your life?

sent 7/10/2011  7:29:38 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I just am not interested. That simple.

sent 7/10/2011  7:35:23 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Do you mean in me or find someone? I’m just trying to understand?

sent 7/10/2011  7:39:09 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I am not interested in getting to know you.

sent 7/10/2011  7:42:07 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Duh, how did you come to that conclusion? We have never met or spoken? But I guess you are right. I’m not attractive to shallow and narrow-minded people!
Guess that explains the reason why you can’t keep a man after 22 yrs of marriage! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:04 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Interesting you that you resort to childish tactics throwing insults at someone, tells me that you are thin skinned and do not handle rejection well. Instead of having some class, you behave like a 5yo little boy.
that was what I suspected, so wasn’t interested. You simply confirmed it.

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:07 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I guess that’s why you have to put pictures of your breasts hanging out in order to catch a man? you can’t do it as being yourself. Some Church person you are! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:15 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Have a nice day.

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:51 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Why are you still bothering me? Get on your broom and fly away!

You have nothing to offer me! lmao

*note: I stopped answering at  this point, evident that this guy is getting his boxers knotted up pretty easily.

sent 7/10/2011  7:51:524 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Go to Church and pray that you can find a man! You are going to say a lot of prayers before you do! lol

Obviously old Rob doesn’t handle rejection very well?  Funny to me is that Mr. Confident, who lists himself as Catholic, obviously had no issues with those D-size boobs when he contacted me hoping I would have interest.  And as I told him, he resorts to sandbox politics when he doesn’t get what he wants.  Also, remember up above a bit where he stated things he believes in? Remember this:

- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships

Well, Mr. Confident, your actions exposed YOUR soul and defined you and your relationships.  Oh and for the record, you are divorced too, and on an online dating site, LOOKING for a woman YOU don’t have, just as I don’t have a man at the moment. So what is your point?

As  I said, when I read his profile slowly, I sensed he was going to behave like this if I rejected him for any reason once we started going out, I just didn’t expect him to do it simply because I have no desire to meet him.

Good luck, Mr. Confident, you are going to need it.

ACCESS TO THE MARVELOUS ONE:  DENIED

The Dating Diaries ~ Retiring ‘The First Date Shirt’

My sister has this awesome top that I have kinda taken ownership of she lets me borrow that looks great on me.  It got a thumbs up from my brother when he saw me in it a few weeks ago.  When I wore it to court for the divorce hearing and then into the office, my then boss whistled and made several comments  about how great I looked dressed up.  Of course that is more likely because I usually wore jeans and a company polo shirt to work every day so me dressed up feminine in any way was going to be a noticeable improvement.  It is fitting and symbolic to me that the shirt I wore to end my fairy tale, would be the same one I am wearing to begin a new one.  This top has come to be known around the Diva Den as the first date shirt.  Mostly because I almost always wear it on a first date.  It is very feminine, I look damn good in it  if I do say so myself.

Yesterday my horoscope read:

Your ruling planet Venus may bring sweetness into your life today in a way that is fresh and different. However, the opportunity you have for pleasure comes at a high price now. Keep in mind that your desire for simplicity means that you may have to set aside previous priorities. But don’t bother trying to get approval from a friend, unless you’re seeking to deepen that particular relationship. Remember, communicating your feelings isn’t all fun and games; it takes hard work and an open heart.

Shortly after I read it, there was a knock at the front door, and my favorite florist (how did  he know this???) was there with a delivery of lavender roses for me.  Something ‘fresh’ and ‘different’ as my horoscope said.  Fresh as in fresh cut  flowers, my very favorite flower!  And ‘different’ because receiving  flowers just is not a real common occurrence for me.  I don’t recall ever receiving my favorite flowers, so it was totally unique.   I found it quite special, as someone is definitely paying close attention as they read through my hundreds of blog posts.

The sender is someone I’ve talked to via emails and texts, but had yet to meet in person.  We have much in common  in our  relationship needs and our personalities.  There was definite chemistry there  in writing.  I  know, people can paint themselves to be a lot of things, but sometimes you just know you are seeing the real heart of a person when they share about themselves.  Not a single red flag has flown as we have gotten acquainted on the dating site, so I gave him my blog page to explore.  He knew he was seeing the real me as he has spent a great deal of time reading and learning…he knows my heartaches, my frustrations, my likes and dislikes, and even my glaring faults.  And he too has a passion for writing and expressing himself through his words (read the Secret Garden posts).  He doesn’t mind at all what I write about, even regarding him.  He doesn’t want someone he can clip their wings and cage in order to tame, but rather someone he can enjoy their  free spirit and watch soar, and even fly beside.   We both know what it is to have our fairy tale implode and have our hearts completely shattered by the one we thought was forever, and the next one we fell in love with, and we’re both ready to try love again in spite of the scars we carry.

When the sender asked me to meet him in person or talk on the phone last night, I opted  for meeting.  There was just something about him that made me want it to be in person the  first time I heard his voice.  And what a voice it is…deep and oh so pleasant to listen too.  Strong hands yet with such a gentle touch.  No red flags here either, my gut is not telling me to run like hell, I was quite relaxed and content to spend time with him.

I made a decision to turn off my profile on the dating sites (on ones where that is an option), and I’m not going on anymore first dates for now.  The ‘first date shirt’ is  going into retirement, well as far as being worn for first dates anyway.  There is chemistry here.  In his eyes I saw much I want to explore.  His secret garden intrigues me, is calling to me to come see if I have the key to open the gate, as he is hoping his key fits mine, as within the garden is the heart and soul.  Time will tell, and we’ll go slowly and see what develops.

I  may even begin a new thread, since The Dating Diaries really may not be quite  right for this. I’m thinking something along the lines of The Secret Garden Journals of Romeo and Juliet.

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

I get asked a lot of the same questions on the dating sites by the men that contact me hoping I will find them interesting enough to want to go out.  Some are pretty standard, some are out of the ordinary, and others just flat out off the wall!  I don’t give out my Blog info to any Tom, Dick or Harry, so only ones I see having potential get to peek here at who I am, that is a very tiny number.  But still, thought I’d answer the questions they ask and maybe I can just copy and paste this later as needed?

Q: What do you do for a living?
A:  Childcare in my home and independent sales representative for Avon.

Q:  What  do you like to do for fun?
A:  This is not a real simple question to answer.  But I will give you some ideas:

  • I like bowling – but frankly I suck at it….bad!  But then it is for FUN, and I do enjoy it and can laugh at myself.
  • I was learning to throw darts, and still hope to learn but be advised NO one should stand anywhere but BEHIND me. I suck at this too. :)
  • I enjoy hanging out with friends at a small bar or pub, inside or out on the patio, listening to a good live band.
  • Grilling on the back deck with friends, drinking a few beers and just relaxing.
  • Tailgating with friends and great food (it IS all about the food, certainly not the win if you are a Bengal fan)
  • Concerts in the park, be it bands or the Cincinnati Pops, on a blanket with a lot of good munchies and someone special or a bunch of friends.
  • A nice picnic with friends or someone special, outdoors enjoying the sunshine and the breeze and great conversation.
  • Snuggling up with someone special, a bottle of wine, good music or a movie, or in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket.
  • Day trips to fun places like Metamora just to wander through the little shops.
  • Weekends in Gatlinburg browsing the shops, sitting in the hot tub on a cabin deck with wine and a view of the mountains.

Q:  What are you pet peeves?
A:  I have a few, the big  one is people too lazy to take their cart to the proper place and instead just leave it in the spot next to them.  Most of them look like they could use the extra walk.

Q:  Having any luck meeting people on this site?
A:  Yes, meeting people  is why I am here and so far not had  any issues, though lord knows I have heard some good horror stories!

Q:  What is your favorite vacation spot?
A:  Golden Clouds, Jamaica.  I’d go back in a minute, despite having to fly to get there, if I could afford it.

Q:  Is that a nose ring in your photo?
A:  Yes it is, and there are 3 tattoos that are not in the picture so if those bother you now is the time to say so.

Q:  What kind of music do you like?
A:  ALL kinds! Country, classical, hard  rock, soft rock, classic rock, 80′s, hip hop, top 40, pretty much anything. Depends  on my mood or the mood I wish to set.

Q:  What type of man do you go for?
A:  Why? Are you a chameleon?  I don’t have  a type, and beyond what is in my profile I won’t tell you what I’m looking for, because I don’t want a good actor.  I want to meet the REAL you and if there is chemistry then you are my type.

Q:  Do you have pets?
A:  Yep, a cat.  We have 3 actually but only one belongs to me.

Q:  Are you interested in getting to know each other (from a guy 110 miles away)?
A:  Unless you are reasonably close to where I live, not  really.  Not  unless you plan to relocate if we hit it off and head for the justice of the peace, because I am not moving from the greater Cincinnati area.

Q:  Do you have sex on the first date?
A:  You really went there, huh Stud?  That would be a NO.  Unlikely for quite a few and even then, it is just not at the top of the list for me.  I’m highly selective in who gets a first date, more so for a second or third, and unless the relationship is getting serious, I won’t even consider it.  Too many freaky STDs  out there, and I’m too special to just sleep with anyone.  If you are asking that before you have met me, you won’t be considered for that first date.

Q:  You are sexy, wanna have dinner?
A:   No but if you check a few escort sites or Adult Friend Finder you might find what you are seeking.

Okay enough silliness.  That is a sampling of the questions I get on the sites.  And  now you, too, know the answers.