Tag Archives: New Year

The Landscape Of 2013

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375254_588441514504373_587190092_nWhen I first told my mom I was getting a divorce, back in February 2010, she looked at me and said, “you think the world is ending now, but trust me, a year from now the landscape of your life is going to be so different than it is at this moment.”  It was hard to believe that anything could be different than what I felt at that time, the pain and depression, and that it would be better than I was able at that time to imagine, but I kept those words in my heart and mind as I drifted mindlessly through the process.

The thing about mom is she is right about 99.9% of the time.  And wouldn’t you know it, one year out, January of 2011, my life was indeed very different.  My first Christmas as a divorcee was past me, and my first New Year’s Eve.  I not only survived it, but wow what an amazing holiday season it had been.  No longer married to Ebenezer Scrooge, I  found so much joy again in the season and relished the memories I made through that year.  I had moved in with my mom, sister and 2 nieces.  We had 2500 square feet of new home to enjoy and I discovered that despite the many differences (and similarities) in our personalities, and the nay-sayers that said it would never work, it rocked.  We laughed a lot around here. Daily in fact and we still do.  I can still count on one hand, though admittedly only about one digit is left to spare, the number of times I’ve gotten into a heated argument or confrontation with any of my housemates.  In that time I discovered it wasn’t me that had the ugly attitude and temper for 22 years.

As 2012 is coming to a close, and January looms over the hill in less than 24 hours, I realized that it will be 3 years now since that day when the ex told me he wanted out of my life.  The day my world changed forever and life became known as “before the announcement/after the announcement”.  And again this year the landscape of my life has changed very much.

So, what things changed, what did I learn in 2012?  That is really what this is post is all about.

CHANGES IN THE LANDSCAPE

*My son married on St. Patty’s Day and I gained a daughter-in-law and granddaughter (my first grandchild).

*My first grandson was born the day after Christmas, to my son and his wife, making me a grandma twice over.

*My younger brother (the older of the two brothers) married the woman I believe is the love of his life, on 12/30/12, in a flash wedding ceremony at the local conservatory.  We all walked in, located the spot that they as a couple determined was a good, quieter one, and the minister began the ceremony.  With visitors to the conservatory who happened to be in the room, or wandered in, all looking on with us close family, they were married.  Then we were off to a wonderful (I cannot say enough about the food OMG) dinner to celebrate.  I loved this as we have waited, not too patiently, for this day to finally arrive.

*I did not end up marrying at the nationals for the “outlaw” motorcycle club that the now ex-boyfriend (but very very dear friend) was a member.  I did not end up marrying at all.  I’m single but honestly more than content being so.  I’ve learned to relish my singleness and not at all sure I will ever marry again.  Not closing the door on that but it is no longer on my bucket list to marry again.

*The ex-hubby tied the knot while on vacation in Jamaica this year, and much to my surprise I not only wasn’t hurt by it, I was thrilled for them both!  And over joyed for my children, even though they are adults, she is a wonderful person to have in their lives and I believe has made their lives that much richer with her love of them.

*I went back to ‘school’ and achieved my certificate to be a nurse aide.  In a few weeks I’ll take my state test and hopefully find a job in this field quickly.  I loved working with the residents in the nursing home during clinicals and think I may have found my niche in life.

THINGS I LEARNED IN 2012

*No one is responsible for my happiness.  I am not lonely because I am not ‘attached’ to someone.  I’m not ‘alone’ either.  I knew all of this but as the year progressed it came to be better understood on deeper levels to me.  I am independent, confident, and comfortable as Marti.  I am not “just Marti” because I am not “Marti and ______ “, but rather I am MARTI – marvelous, fun, quirky Marti.  I am happy, have fun, enjoy life and love me as I am.

*I do have areas of me and my life that  need to improve, and I’m actively working on those.

*My faith is very important to me, and I need to take nurturing that faith more seriously.

*95+mph on the back of a Harley on the highway is liberating, crazy, amazing….and I’m okay if I never do that again.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I was terrified of highways at all up until the Biker/Cowboy, but in a pack of riders who are riding like they just stole the motorcycles (some probably had if I was honest with myself), it was an outstanding rush!  But not wise and certainly not something I want to keep doing.  I had my moments on that one, crossed it off the bucket list.

*People I had admired, looked up to, and had inspired me, people I thought were over all good people…can turn out to to be evil, vindictive people.  And many who play the victim are not only the ones doing the victimizing, they usually are just seeking attention.

*It is perfectly okay to write whatever I want in order to vent and get it out of my system, but it isn’t always necessary to hit “publish” once I am finished writing.  Somethings are better left between me and the keyboard, or to be published at a later date in my novels or on my pen-name/ghost blog.  No I do not share that one, sorry.  It is the place for things I don’t publish under my real identity to avoid hurting people I love.

*My son continues to amaze me, but that is another post.  But one thing I learned, just when you think you cannot possibly love your children anymore than you already do…they have children of their own and your heart swells bigger as you watch them hold their own child and you find you love them more and in a brand new way.

The landscape of 2013 is before me, and over the next 12  months it will change, grow, parts will die off and when I look up at the end of this year, it will look familiar, no doubt, but it will be again so different from what it is now.

Day 8 ~ 30 Days Of Thankfulness 2012

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Today I am thankful for my kids.  Both are amazing adults, amazing people and have amazing hearts.

Both have become people I am very proud of!

In their own unique ways they never fail to cheer me up, make me laugh til my sides hurt and I’m crying.

Both would give a stranger the shirt off their backs, and both have reached out to help the under dogs in life.

They both had dreams for jobs and went after them, never looking back.

I love you both, you are major lights in my life, and I’m so very thankful to have you.

The Elf On The Where?

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I love the holiday season.  For me it starts Monday, October 1st and runs through New Years Day.  Halloween and all things spooky kick it off and it rolls through 3 months, 1 full quarter of the year.  Seems appropriate that deep winter follows, good time to hibernate after all of the activity.  I even coordinate my cell phone wallpaper and texting theme (I use GO SMS Pro) to the various holidays.

As  far as Halloween goes, I’m not into haunted houses unless it is the real deal, like Waverly Hills Sanitorium or some such truly haunted place.  I do not like masks on people, I need to be able to see their eyes to be comfortable. And I am no fan of anything or anyone jumping out at me or touching me.  In other words I am not one that likes being scared by pranks and stage makeup, but I am into paranormal type frights because I’m not scared by that, just fascinated.  I do enjoy the fun side of Halloween, like carving pumpkins and cute witches  and goblins that come ringing my doorbell, fun foods for parties and even a good costume party if folks dress creatively.

Thanksgiving is like intermission with food.  I enjoy food.  REALLY enjoy food, goes with being a Taurus, there is an ongoing love affair with all things delicious and edible, and a bittersweet relationship with the scale as a result.  Thanksgiving day is just for loading up on calories for energy for Black Friday shopping, and a great excuse to bring the family together.  Hopefully you don’t  wait for such occasions to have your family come by for dinner.  Around the Diva Den all it takes is a phone call in the afternoon and some creative combining of resources to produce a family dinner.

My all time favorite holiday is Christmas.  So much so that thanks to living in this very big house, we can have 2 trees, which is my dream.  I love decorating trees, and would have one in every single room!  Even my bedroom has a tree, a Charlie Brown tree :)  because it  is such a great Christmas show.  I love the decorations, smells, sounds…everything about this holiday rocks!  We have a tradition of watching “It’s A  Wonderful Life” on Christmas Eve after all the festivities are done and we’re in our jammies.

I want  to start a new tradition this year.  I get that in this house everyone is an adult, and while we believe in the spirit of Santa, we’ve gone beyond truly believing in the person.  However, traditions can be fun for adults even if they are mostly for kids.  Last year I stumbled on the whole Elf On The Shelf craze just after the holidays.  I think the entire thing is just adorable and my hat is off to the authors of the book, who have created a very special tradition in so many families around the globe.  Even though we are adults, I want to ‘adopt’ an elf and begin the tradition.  I’m checking out the local adoption centers, you can find your local centers on the website, Elf On The Shelf so you can adopt your own family elf.  For those parents looking for creative ideas for their elf to be found each day, I found this cute blog of 100 Mischievous Elf Ideas, they are great!

It is never too early or too late for that matter, to start thinking of ways to make holidays more fun and enjoyable for children young and old alike!

#14 ~ 365 Reasons Being Single Rocks!

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Career

#14

Working or your career – NO one to complain that you are working too much.

For me, I’m busy building a business at the moment, and it can take a lot of my time.

Since it is 1 of 2 jobs I have, and the one that I plan to make HUGE and the big bucks, I have little time for a relationship.

No one can complain if there is no significant other!

#8 ~ 365 Reasons Being Single Rocks!

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Mornings

#8

We’ve all seen the commercials for mouth washes that claim to rid us of morning breath.

The nice thing about being single means NO worries!

Cats and dogs seem intrigued by nasty morning muck mouth.

Others…not so much.

Being single means you can just breathe those green clouds with no mercy!

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 31

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 31

This is the biggest box.  The contents of this one can weigh heavy on my heart at times.    There are thousands of unanswered questions, suspicions, and facts that all add up to a lot of unresolved pain in my life.

I may never know the truth, and really it doesn’t matter.  It is written in stone, court documents, and is water under the bridge.

It is the past, painted on a canvas that cannot ever be changed.

Honestly, if the opportunity for reconciliation were given, I’d not take it.  It took distance to see that he was poison to my soul.  Though perhaps not intentionally, the mix of us was not good.

In my mind and heart I sincerely feel as if the level of  love and devotion was one sided, which no doubt resulted in many of the issues we had.  Also evident in the fact that I was not the one that quit.

Yes, while I do pray for him, I’m guilty of the “dear Lord, let his life be full of prosperity and happiness, AFTER You have him run over by a truck and the karma bus”, which is not quite what God had in mind when praying for those who hurt us or are our enemies.

But the time has come, in just 2 weeks it will be 2 years since the day I was told it was all over.

He IS a good person, and a good dad.

I wish him every happiness in the world, one filled with love.

I’ve learned what a good wife is and isn’t.  Funny, that definition varies with each person and their needs.  To him I was not. To many others, they are convinced I would be.  If only I could find the one that matches my specs for the good husband! ;)

I’ve taken the steps to fix me.

I’m taking the initial steps through DivorceCare to ensure this box stays sealed up tight.

For those still in the dark at this point, this is the box that contains all the loose ends of my marriage.  It took longer than I thought to move past it, this whole year a time of healing for me, but 22 years is a long time to move past.

It was not always an easy ride.  I have a lot of great memories, and a part of my heart that was so devoted to him will always love him.  But there are painful parts too.  Some of our own making, much that was just inflicted upon us from the outside, from life and frankly crappy cards dealt by fate.  Well okay, Divine Providence.  And while to us they seemed crappy, we were meant to go through those rough waters for a reason.  Most of those reasons won’t be understood in this lifetime.

Either way, now that I’ve reached the point in my life where I want to box it all up, NEED to box it all up, I am purging it all. It is on the shelf.  It is the first of the boxes to be taped up today and left here in 2011.

A new year is here.

A new, fresh start.

A blank canvas waiting to be filled with a  year of hard work, lessons to learn, and a heart and mind focused where it should have been all along.  On the One that never fails me, never leaves me, has my name written on His hand, and will always love me, though I certainly do not deserve it.

The other two, small boxes, just hold miscellaneous stuff and the odds and ends that don’t really have a category or need a box of their own.  The ‘paper schnittzles’ of 2011 that needed to be swept up and away.  Nothing  noteworthy just little dust bunnies of sorts.

It feels good to leave this all behind.

*Raises glass*

To a new year – bring on 2012!

~*~

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 30

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 30

WOW, 2nd to last box of the 31 things I plan to leave behind in 2011. 

In this box will go all the grudges I hold against people who have hurt me.

Some were judgmental regarding posts I’ve made, or my past when I returned to church.

Some were people that stabbed me in the back, threw me under the bus, some broke my heart, or otherwise caused me pain.

I could name the names but that wouldn’t really be of any benefit to anyone.  You know who you are and what you did.  If you don’t, well all the better.  I’ve let all this live rent free in my heart and head and it is time to box it up and leave it here in this year.  Everyone gets a clean slate for the new year, bygones are just that, it’s all water under the bridge.

Forgiveness…it isn’t about those that have caused us pain, it is about US.  About ME.  And I am letting go of it all, it is just not worth the energy to hang on to past inflictions. I’ve learned and accept that some people are just assholes and that is okay.  You can be one, outside of my head and heart.

So, into the box goes the grudges, and the void left behind by those is filled with forgiveness and grace.  When I am tempted to pull the tape off the seal and open that box, instead I will pray for that person.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 29

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 29

This box is related to my post yesterday, about embracing ME in 2012, it is dating.  I’m putting dating in the box and putting it on the shelf for the coming year.  I think my biggest problem was jumping into the dating scene too soon after the marriage had ended.  I need time to finish unwrapping me without reapplying layers to suit others that I am seeing.  Only one of the 3 men I got into a relationship with this past year didn’t try to change me, and that was the Superhero.  He just wanted to know ME and didn’t ask me to change anything about myself.  Sadly it didn’t work because I didn’t want him to change either.  Mr. Wonderful wanted me to layer over things, not mention them, etc from my past.  And the Count…well obviously he wanted me to layer over things too, and that simply will not work.  Again. Ever.

I’ve decided that I need more time to discover  me.  I know that I have some unresolved issues and hurts from the marriage.  I found an awesome divorce support group called DivorceCare.  Bible based and full of support, I am going to look into it.  It runs about 13 weeks and many of the churches in this area have started DivorceCare groups.  My best friend from childhood told me what a wonder it did for her, not to mention she met her soon to be husband in this group, remained friends long after the sessions ended, and now they are in love and going to get married.  I don’t want to join to find anyone, I’m not looking.  I want to join to clear up any last fragments of pain and move forward.  No doubt it will help in my faith too.

SO, while I will enjoy the company of male friends now and then, they have to understand I am not seeking a relationship right now with anyone but ME.  No dating, I pay my own way or I don’t go.  Simple as that.  I will gladly spend time with friends, but I am not seeking a mate.  I’m seeking the person that matters most in my life, ME.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 28

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 28

My vanity is where it all happens in the morning.

My vanity

I sip coffee while putting on my face for the day, then drying my hair and applying whatever goop is going to be in it today.  It is my magical place because I am transformed from a sleepy, kinda pale looking zombie, into the marvelous and beautiful creature you see in person (if you know me).  Kinda of like Monsters Inc. to Cinderella or Snow White.  It is an amazing process.

Trouble is that the drawer of the vanity is a complete mess.  My buddy over at Martinis Needed would go into a full blown OCD melt down if she had to find anything in that drawer.  Needless to say this can slow a Diva down when she is trying to make awesome in a brief period of time before the baby arrives for the day to spit up all over said princess type.  I lead a very tough life.

So, Box 28 will be all of the crap in that drawer (i.e. old makeup, unused stuff etc) finding it’s way into the trash can.  I think I heard applause from down in the family room…

I will give you a peek into the drawer in question.

The drawer of the vanity

See…it really needs some…help.

Cleaning out that drawer will make my life so much easier.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 27

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 27

Oh Tumblr, you are kinda cool and all, but really not feeling the love here.  I have tried very hard to like you, get into you, form a tight and lasting bond with you.  But, my confusing love, just not having any desire to update you or follow anyone on there with your assistance.  I think I will have to box you up now too and send you away.  I’m sorry, we both tried hard to make it work, but just not seeing the need to keep you in  my life, making me feel guilty for not updating you, paying you the proper  attention.  Thanks for the memories!

Yes, it is over.  I tried Tumblr, really tried to like it.  I am still at a loss as to what it’s purpose is in anyone’s life?  If I have any type of social media account I feel the need to update it and use it.  I’m finding this one to be more of a pain in the tush than it is worth.  I get nothing of value from it and waste time I cannot retrieve.  So, that one gets the box too.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 22, 23, 24, 25 and 26

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Okay so I’ve been a bit busy with all the holiday hoopla, but I’m back to determining what needs to be left behind in 2011, and there are still a few items to go through.  Here the 5 boxes to bring me up to number 26.

Box 22

Oh this box is SO needed!  It is the one that is my organizer…that is less than organized at the moment.  I have so much stuff stuck in it with no real rhyme or reason that it is difficult to find what I need in it.  So, it will be cleaned out and the junk in it tossed and I will get it in an  order that makes it worth having so I am organized for the coming year!

Box 23

My linen drawer.  I have on drawer in my dresser that is for linens.  I am fortunate enough to have 3 sets of sheets for my bed and those are in that drawer.  Along  with cords for my  phone, Kindle, miscellaneous stuff I tossed in when I wasn’t sure what to do with it all.  Time to clean that out and apply the old 6 month rule: If I haven’t used it in 6 months, and it isn’t a seasonal item or  highly sentimental…it  goes in the trash can.  Things I know are in there that I need I can never find when I need them.   A sure sign things are just out of order in there.

Box 24

Half or partially finished projects.  I have a bad habit of starting a crochet project and then it sits and never gets finished.  Often it is the simple things too like the edge or fringe, but I never seem to get back to it.  I have several such things in my closet including the blanket I was making for the now ex boyfriend.  Time to  clear them out and finish them, pitch them, whatever needs to be done so that I can move in my closet again.  Too much wasted space cluttered with these things.

Box 25

Speaking of drawers….I need to do a major over haul of my dressers.  I have one in the bedroom, one in my very large, walk-in closet.  There are clothes in there that either don’t fit, are old, I think I might need some day etc.  Time for those to follow the path of the clothing from that now former way of life, to the trash!  I have a few  old shirts I keep because when watching little ones I find spit-up on my shoulder, or down the front of me, so that is worth keeping. The rest of the unused attire needs to go either to charity or the trash depending on the condition it is in.  Clean drawers!

Box 26

While I’m in the closet I might as well clean off the shelves.  I have SO many books that I really do not need or don’t need often enough to make them worth keeping in my closet.  I need the shelf space for other things, like Avon supplies.  It is so time to get those shelves cleaned off and get rid of what is up there that I really have no need to keep.  You know it is time when you could not being to give an account of what was lost if the house burned down or blew away.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 19, 20 and 21

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 19

Empire Avenue….you fill up my inbox with emails about who bought shares in me or traded my shares.  I didn’t even know what it was when I signed up and the more I see, the less I care.  Time waster with absolutely NO purpose.  At least none I can see, so that is going on the shelf. Now if I can just figure out how to delete my account!

Box 20

News twitter accounts and Facebook accounts – I am so done following them.  My feeds fill up with all kinds of “breaking news” that frankly isn’t worth knowing.  And one local news chain has 3 twitter accounts, one for news, traffic and weather.  They tweet the same stupid information across all 3!  I follow weather to get weather, not traffic.  So, bye bye to all of it.  When I want to know what is going on in the world I will go to their sites to look.  No more weeding through things I just don’t care about!

Box 21

Sleeping in…excessively.  I’ve spent several days peeling the paint off the ceiling of my room way past when I needed to be in bed.  My normal rising time during the week is 5:30am.  It gives me time to shower, dress, check emails and allow coffee to pass the blood brain barrier so I can function enough to ensure I diaper the right end of the babies.  :)   7:30am is sleeping in, by 2 hours.  Time to start pulling out of the rack so that the day is not a waste of time.  Too much to accomplish!

Meet Me On Monday

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Welcome to the 62nd edition of “Meet Me On Monday!” Blogging  is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read  and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, “who is  this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want  to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great  way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you  questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we  can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them  better!!  Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!

Questions:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
2. Real or artificial tree?
3. When do you put your tree up?
4. When do you take your tree down?
5. Do you like eggnog?
6. Do you have a nativity scene?
7. Favorite Christmas Movie?
8. Favorite Christmas cookie?
9. Where will you eat Christmas dinner?
10. Angel, bow or star on top of your tree?
11. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
12. Do you like Fruitcake?
13. What are you most excited about the holidays?
14. Do you open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
15. Will you still be wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?
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1.  Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Both!  Depends what it is, how big it is etc.  Odd shaped things just go better in bags.

2.  Real or artificial tree?

Artificial.  I was married to a fire fighter both times I was married.  I had a real one until the year my son was born, then after seeing a video on how fast a tree goes up and how fast the fire  multiplied I wasn’t comfortable having real with a baby in the house.  After that pre-lit trees hit the market and the fact that I like to put it up the day after Thanksgiving (if not way sooner) artificial became the way to go.  Now, here in the Diva Den with mom, my sister and nieces, we have a huge house so we have 2 trees, one in the living room and one in the family room.

3.  When do you put your tree up?

Either the day after Thanksgiving or sometime the week before.  I love Christmas and cannot get enough of it.  This year, because we had a holiday open house with our Avon business and that stuff is out early, it was actually up 2 days before Halloween.  :)   A record for us!

4.  When do you take your tree down?

Usually the week after New Year’s Eve.  Personally I’d leave it up all year, call it a ‘holiday tree’ and decorate it for each holiday throughout the year.  Haven’t had a lot of support around here on that idea.

5.  Do you like eggnog?

Oh yes!  Leaded (spiked) or unleaded.  This time of year the local UDF (United Dairy Farmers) and McDonalds have eggnog shakes, a holiday favorite of mine!

6.  Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes we do!  Growing up was one my dad made, then my kids bought me one for Christmas one year (I got it early) and I still have it.

7.  Favorite Christmas Movie?

Hands down my favorite is “It’s A Wonderful Life”.  Makes me always stop to count my blessings and appreciate the things I have and the things that have happened in my life.  Only the black & white version will do, and it is tradition to watch it on Christmas Eve.  Especially this Christmas, as we are very tight on money and there won’t be much under the tree, we’re focused around here on the fact that all 5 of us are home for the holidays and thankful for our family and friends, things money cannot buy that are truly priceless.

8.  Favorite Christmas Cookie?

OH Christmas trees made from a Mirro cookie press (the OLD ones that are hand cranked).  The recipe is inside the box and it is the best cookie ever!  My son can knock out several dozen in one sitting and that is his favorite as well.

9.  Where  will you eat Christmas dinner?

Right here with my parents, sister and her girls and our future (though to us she already is) sister-in-law and hopefully her daughter.  My son is on duty, so is one of my brothers (cops and firefighters) but hopefully my other brother and my daughter will drift in.  Anyone is welcome to come share the day with us, it is a time for sharing love and we have plenty to go around!

10.  Angel, bow or star on top of your tree?

Well it would be an angel but she isn’t being cooperative and staying put (not that the 3 felines scaling the tree might have anything to do with that) so it’s a bow on both trees.

11.  Most annoying thing about this time of year?

The commercials and attitude of people in stores.  This isn’t about gifts, and even if you don’t celebrate the birth of Christ, it is a time of year to spread joy and love.  I hate the commercials with people giving cars and diamonds etc.  Give me an old fashioned Christmas like on Little House On The Prairie where one gift was it and it was something significant in meaning.

12.  Do you like fruitcake?

Actually yes I do, SOME of them anyway.  There are some that are well not so much but others are yummy with a cup of coffee.

13.  What are you most excited about the holidays?

Just being together, the decorations, the time to reflect on the blessings that are the true gifts we receive each year, and be with my family.

14.  Do you open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

Both!  We have a huge family gathering on my mom’s side where it is on Christmas Eve, though no gifts this year for the first time in my 48 years.  And then as more immediate family in the morning.

15.  Will you still be wrapping presents Christmas Eve?

It wouldn’t be the first time if I was, but this year no it will all be done ahead of time.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 15, 16, 17 and 18

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

I’ve been busy and haven’t really worked on this purging thing but I’m going to try to get caught up today!

Box 15

Time management – or the lack there of. We’ll called it unstructured time.  That is an area that needs my attention in a big way.  The lack of scheduling my life is killing me.  I already have  procrastination boxed but the lack of a planned day isn’t helping me either.  I need to start setting specific times for things…Saturdays for delivering Avon.  An  hour in the evening to read because “good leaders are good readers” and in order to lead this Avon unit I need to stay on that.  I even need to set specific scheduled days for things like my laundry, and  times of the day  for relaxing  things like online games.  Structure!  Yep that is what I need, no more cluttered time.

Box 16

Lack of sleep, or staying up too late.  I have a really bad habit of doing this and it is not helping in the issues in box 15.  I set my alarm for a specific time each morning, 5:20am, then hit the snooze alarm numerous times because i stayed up way too late the night  before.  This isn’t good because I am behind by the time I do finally get out of bed, sometimes waiting to shower until the baby I watch is asleep.  That didn’t work out so hot this past week as she was sick and Friday sounded croopy to me so I was  not about to  let her sleep without keeping a close eye on her.  I am off for 2 weeks from childcare, time to catch  up on my sleep and work on getting all these boxes dealt with so that come 1/1/2012 I am purged and rolling on energy.

Box 17

LAZINESS when it comes to my lack of getting off my rump and exercising.  High blood pressure and heart disease are in my genetic makeup so, as this 48yo has yet to discover the fountain of youth, it is high time I actually DID something.  We have a treadmill, weights, and 3 flights of stairs in this big house.  Not to mention a  street that is long enough to loop for walking and a gorgeous park with hiking trails 2 blocks away.  I think it is time to box up the laziness and start getting a little toning and cardio worked back in to my life.

Box 18

With the laziness taking a hike it is time I started eating wiser too.  Not  just a bit healthier, but a bit LESS.  I used to follow Gwen Shamblin (girl get rid of the 80′s hair and ease up on the tanning, you look like a crack whore) and Susan Powter (I won’t touch this one too much there)  until I felt like they seriously derailed mentally (and to think my ex husband thinks I have mental issues?).  But they both do have some good advice.  Cut portions in half and eat far less fat.  Dolly Partin lost all her weight years ago by continuing to eat all the things she  liked just eating less of it.  So, some serious focus on cutting down to portions sizes and cutting out some of the crap I eat (like um BEER which my son tells me goes right to the butt).

Ah there, all caught up on purging.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 14

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 14 

As my lucky number is 13, this had to wait for a different number.  I also had to hold to see if there was to be any change in things.  I texted Steve, aka – The Count, last night before I went to sleep.  I asked if in fact I am to assume it is finished.  Nothing.  12 hours have passed, I know he got up and went to work so he saw it on his phone.  Nothing.  I did my crying myself to sleep (thank you Anew eye cream for hiding the  puffy eyes in the mornings), and  I’m done.  I cannot change what is and after re-reading my Pros and Cons post I realize that just because I love the man, it isn’t enough to stick around and hope to be thrown a crumb now and then.  It takes more than love to keep a relationship going, and he either can’t, won’t, or doesn’t want too.

While it was, in my opinion just a break down in communication, and was over something so small and ridiculous as a Facebook post that offended him, that is a symptom of the bigger issue.  The issue is that evidentially his feelings for me were not strong enough to be committed at the level mine were.  I cannot fault him for that.  It is either there or it isn’t.  I won’t chase anyone, if their love isn’t freely given without condition, then it isn’t really love and it certainly isn’t worth having.  There are entirely too many men out there more than willing to love me, unconditionally, that have made it very well known they are smitten.

I won’t box up the little gifts, those are special and hold special memories of good times together.  There are no hard  feelings on my part, just a very large crack in my heart.  It will heal.  I’m just thankful that it only took 5 months and not 5 years to come to this, when my heart would have been more deeply rooted in him, making the break even more difficult.

The Count – boxed and being left behind in 2011.

The Dating Diaries ~ Just Some Thoughts

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After 2 failed marriages and getting my heart broken more times than  I care to recall, I take a whole new approach when it comes to relationships.  It’s about ME.  Oh there will be plenty of me that is all about him too, but I have to watch out for me and my now very fragile heart.  I am far too special and precious of a person to just settle.

When I give someone my heart I give them all of me.  If they abuse it in any way I will retreat behind my walls and pull the drawbridge up again and good luck gaining entrance, I’m just not that forgiving for any additional cracks added to my already scarred heart.  And if you suddenly retreat from me over something small like what happened between me and the Count, and have ‘rethink’ us…well I will do the rethinking for you, it’s OVER.  See, when I commit to a relationship, it is 100% find a way to work through the crap that is bound to come up, and retreat is not an option.  If you have to retreat and rethink, you didn’t want this that bad and you were not committed.

I don’t do second chances either, if you walk away once, you are gone for good and dead to me. Harsh? Perhaps it is, but I have to protect what is left of me if I am going to be special to anyone and able to open up completely and commit totally for life.

I follow this awesome chick, Mandy Hale, most commonly known as The Single Woman.  I follow her on Twitter and I read her daily blog which is full of awesome and inspiring advice for single folks.  I also collect sayings I find inspirational or that speak well how I feel.  Below are some of those tweets, quotes, and pictures for the rest of my single followers.  Don’t settle, EVER. We deserve the best because we are the best.  Hold out for it!

~*~

TheSingleWoman™

 Who cares if people are talking behind your back? It just proves you have a life worth talking ABOUT. :)
*
You deserve someone who jumps fences to be with you..not someone who’s ON the fence about being with you.
*
Don’t waste time mourning lost opportunites or missed chances. It it was meant for u, it would have happened.
*
“Always take comfort knowing that u are independent & u don’t need to rely on anyone else for your own happiness.”
*
As uncertain as the life of a single girl might be..we make our own rules & answer only to ourselves..& that ROCKS.
*
If they don’t appreciate your presence, perhaps you should try giving them your absence.
*
You should only look back to see how far you’ve come. :)
“Pain makes u stronger. Tears make u braver. Heartbreak makes u wiser. So thank the past for a better future!”
*
Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. They fell in love with YOU. Not who they wanted or expected you to be.
*
Before you settle for “something” or “anything,” allow me to remind you that you’re worthy of EVERYTHING!
*
*
*
~*~

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 10 and 11

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 10

I follow a LOT of blogs, getting probably 2 dozen or more emails a day for new posts.  I cannot begin to read all of those and some I have lost interest in as my life has evolved.  Many I simply followed because they followed me, seemed the thing to do, “I follow back”.  I see now that following and actually FOLLOWING as in reading them, is something totally different.  So, it is time to box up the majority of those blogs by unsubscribing to them.  Lord knows I get enough spam to weed through.  Not saying these are spam, I did subscribe and they are mostly all quality blogs, but my inbox gets so much stuff that trying to find the ones I really do read is just too hard.  So, into the box and onto the shelf with those, just like magazines that come and are never unwrapped from the plastic.

That will also make room for a few more that I find this coming year that I may wish to follow.

Box 11

My junk drawer…or rather drawers.  I have a few that have become catch all spots when I am in a hurry and unsure what to do with things.  Time to get that down to one.  And that one needs attention too.

When I moved out of the marital residence I took all that was my personal items, and some other stuff we agreed too.  Trouble is I have a good number of books and some odds and ends stuff that never get touched and really needs to  just find its way on out to the curb on trash night.  Many of the books would be good additions to a church  library, and others well with the age of digital and ereaders it is time to dump them at the library.  One read on many of them was enough.

This is holding me back in that I often cannot find what I do need for the stuff I don’t need.  And honestly it is that stuff that if the house burned down or blew away, I’d likely not care let alone remember I had it to begin with.  Good sign that it is time to let it go.  And besides it is a lot of stuff that ties me to the past.  I think it is just fine to walk memory lane and even look back to see how far I’ve come, but I don’t need to keep a good portion of it for that purpose.

Guess this week while the baby is sleeping I’ll be cleaning out my closet and drawers!

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 9

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box #9 is a definite problem area for me.  PROCRASTINATION.

It’s a larger box, though not the largest, as this IS a bit more of a problem area than some others.

I have  no idea why I am this way, and it isn’t about everything just certain things.  When it pertains to my Avon business it is a very bad issue, customer service is important.  Some projects I tackle quickly while others for some reason I can start but then I never quite seem to get to them.

So tonight I even started out the practice of not procrastinating.  I called every customer to tell them that I have their orders and set up a delivery schedule.  I have no earthly idea why this has been a task I put off, as I am plenty social and love getting to know my customers, but it is!  Well tonight I determined not to do that and I broke the mold.  I know from a recent webinar I attended that I need to train my brain, alter my way of thinking about things.  I’m working on that.

Eat That Frog was a great book dealing with 21 ways to stop procrastinating.  Thinking I might want to re-read that.

SO from now on, I’m shelving this bad habit and determining to “eat my frogs” every single day!

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 5 and 6

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life.  The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box #5

For years now I have ‘colored’ my  hair.  I am a natural blond but my blond hair is more of the dishwater blond.  I’ve had it highlighted then one day my stylist suggested she also dye it a few shades lighter than my natural color before adding highlights to make the roots not appear so dramatic between touch ups.  My  highlights and the other color took me to ‘skanky blond’ as she and I referred to it.  And I loved it very much when I was tanning every week and maintaining a Malibu look.  But I stopped tanning 2 years ago, and frankly, $65 plus tip is killing my budget every 2 or 3 months.  I just cannot see spending the money.  Not to mention I’d kind of like to see just what that natural color looks like!  It has been a very long time since I was just me!

So, for now, I’m shelving that skanky blond version of me and letting my roots grow out and be just me.  For all I know there is gray in there, but until I give it a shot I’ll never know!

How is it holding me back? Well other than the financial side, I need to be just me, Marti.  In all my marvelousness without the fuss.  I need to know me without covering things up, just me.

BOX #6

Nails…nothing is quite as feminine as nice, long nails.  And nothing says PURGE THIS like realizing I spend over $800 a year having my nails done.  4 times a year I have a new set put on to the tune of $42 each round (with tip!)  Then $25 each time I go fill them (26 times a year).

I’ve had nails for roughly 9 years straight now.  I  love them, feel more feminine with them, and they are costing me a lot of money I really don’t need to spend. Underlying reason for them? To make myself more attractive outwardly.  But why and to whom?  I am not the sum total of my hair and nails.  For that matter my make-up but I’m not getting that radical *wink*.  I am attractive outwardly without skanky hair and acrylic nails.  And inside I am a very attractive person (or so I am told) and nothing I do to the outside matters a hill of beans compared to who I am inside!

I am one marvelous and amazing woman in heels, sexy clothes, skanky blond hair and nails, or without all that in jeans, a hoodie and sitting around a fire pit with good friends and a beer with my natural color and my own nails, or standing beside my partner as their #1 cheerleader and support.  So, in purging things that are holding me back from being ME, I’m ditching the nails too.  Not necessary.

The Year Of Drastic Change -2010 In Review

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As this year comes to a close I’ve been reflecting on all the things that have changed in the landscape of my life over this past 12 months. In hind sight I can see that it was all a blessing but at the time much of it was happening it seemed like anything but for my good. I’ve also been reflecting on things that I want to change in the coming year, more like goals rather than resolutions. Resolutions seem to never be kept but realistic goals often do.

January – And So It Ends: My year began with an ending, the ending of my nearly 22 year marriage and 23 year relationship with my husband.  I was still in shock when I made my only post for January, from the announcement he made in the middle of the month that he wanted out and that it was all my fault.  Seems he could not deal with my anger issues that I really never accepted had existed up until that point.  I don’t for a minute believe that excuse, but I did seek medical help and was diagnosed with a serotonin imbalance that is easily kept in check with medication.  It was the beginning of this blog page, as my other one about being a Fire Wife was now obsolete.

February – The Drama Unit Is Formed, My First Major Step of Independence and The Dream House all chronicled some of the first stages in my spreading my wings to fly from the castle where I had lived with my Prince Charming who turned out to be a major fraud, in my opinion.

March – The shock was wearing off and reality setting in as I felt Homeless within my own house, and not yet part of the household of the Divas.

April – This month saw some realization and a turning point mentally and emotionally for me in my Ah Ha Moment and also seeing myself as aggressive rather than a passive victim, Don’t Call Me A Survivor regarding my circumstances.  It was a month of growth inwardly and anticipation of our big move into the new house.

May – The Divas Uncorked life in our new home on the first of the month, and I became a Reformed Cat Hater as I was given a kitten as a heart band-aid. Nurturing and loving her  little orphaned self did wonders for me.

June – We saw the end of a local icon, as Touch Down Jesus burned When Something Wicked This Way Came, our first major stormy night at the Diva Den, and I started a weekly post Wine & Cheese Wednesday where I ‘whine’ a bit each week about pet peeves and such.  It will return in the new year, I have been taking a break during December from my regular posts.

July – Summer brought about a new attitude in me, and I finally reached the point where I got angry and wrote my reply to my Soon To Be Ex Though Not Soon Enough when he asked why I was so angry at him. I realized then his hold over me had broken. I also had my 100th Blog Post and shared a bit more detail about my wonderful, awesome, perfectly imperfect self.

August -The Ink Was Dry and The Chapter Closed on my marriage with the final hearing and granting of our divorce. Later that day Lord Voldemort, as my now former husband is known in the Diva Den, blocked me from being able to text or call him and the house phone had been disconnected. I also came to realize that the Someone who has made my life worth living for was no one other than myself, another major step toward healing! The very end of the month, the final weekend, Mr. Wonderful/TSASA (Twisted Steel And Sex Appeal) walked back into my life and so began my learning to eat my words about never loving again.

September - I made some decisions about my life in determining only to allow those Who Are Willing To Ride The Bus with me when my limo is broken down to get close to me from now on. I also had one last major confrontation with the ex, at which point I realized, I DIRECT MY LIFE NOW and I really don’t give a flying frog’s butt what he thinks.

October – As Autumn had set in it became Time For Some Pruning in my life, and a follow up Landscaping Of My Life, as while I had already removed the sinful, dark parts of my life I needed to finish off the final traces of that way of life as I began moving closer to my return to a right path in life.

November – I faced head on The Monster Within me and accepted the harsh reality that I cannot drink alcohol, especially on my medication which intensified the issues, and not cause serious damage to the relationships around me. I have not had a drink since Thanksgiving, don’t crave or miss it, and in fact over all feel much better.

December – And this month has ushered in many changes for me in going ‘home’ where All Is Right In My World, how I’d plan out my Last Meal if given the chance, enjoying my ongoing relationship with Mr. Wonderful, and now facing the unknown ahead as my mother’s cancer has returned. I’ve been embraced by my church family, have a mentor of sorts in my wonderful friend, Jane, who keeps me accountable and prays for me and my feet are back on the firm foundation of my Savior.

My Goals For The Coming Year

I have set a few goals that I hope are realistic for this coming year.

*Beginning 1/1/11 I will make every effort to avoid mentioning my ex-husband in my blogs, and if it is necessary will try to make it as positive and brief as possible.  I must thank him for setting me free, as I’ve gotten to know me all over again, found someone very special that thinks I am pretty incredible even with all of my flaws, and I found out that there is a better life outside of the palace.  This  will thrill the diaper off Lord Voldemort as he actually calls my mommy to tell on me when I post something he doesn’t like!  Comical isn’t it?  He needs to grow up and grow a pair very badly and try talking to me (not cussing a blue streak but COMMUNICATING like an adult).  I’m 47yo, I’ll post what I want, when I want, you lost the right to tell me what to do on 1/15/10 when you asked for a divorce.  ::raises my glass:: here is to hoping karma continues to chomp your butt as it has since I moved out, and that you grow up some day, little boy. *CHEERS*  (okay NOW I feel better and will pray it doesn’t keep chomping)

*I have a goal to focus on the health of my soul, feeding it by being at church for both services on Sundays, the mid-week prayer meeting, and be in the Word daily for feeding my soul and memorizing passages.  I revamped my other blog page into a positive place for my Spiritual Journey, taking something dark and sinful and making it honoring to God.

*I fully intend to allow this relationship with Mr. Wonderful to bloom and grow at its own pace, doing it RIGHT this time, and keeping it Christ centered.  We may not always do it right, but my goal is to strive for that.

*And to take better care of myself, start walking at least every other day, and drink 64 ounces of water a day.