Mt. Washmore, My Least Favorite Mountain

Yes, Mt. Washmore. As in “wash more often”.  Or maybe “wash more” again.  I swear the dirty laundry mates and multiplies, as I am washing twice a week and still it just piles up!  Oh well, at least we have a washer and dryer, nothing would be worse than loading it up and having to cart the mountain off to the laundromat.

10013668_607000622718799_1229616938_nI had to say goodbye to my little bad-ass cat, Skyler.  She just didn’t ever manage to fit in around here.  She has been around for 6 months but at no time did she ever get along with the other cats we have, or the dog.  In fact, there was no love loss between the humans and the kitten.  Things about her were simply not normal.  Eyes that didn’t change indicating blindness.  Aggressiveness that simply increased rather than decreasing.  She’d spend hours spaced out, tongue out, drooling puddles, then seem to surface mentally and completely go berserk.  The last straws were the sudden attacks and biting.  I cannot risk my grandson being attacked and I was less than appreciative of her tearing through my shirt sleeve and into my flesh with her teeth.  So she is now hopefully placed in a home that is ready for a special needs feline.  The other cats have settled down again, and in fact I found them snuggled up together when I got home from the store today, something that hadn’t happened since the kitten arrived.

1957395_606989869386541_1136329841_nWhile out shopping I happened upon something very disturbing.  The local KKK was demonstrating on a street corner nearby.  This did not make me happy at all.  These hate filled monsters grate on my nerves.  It would not bother me one bit if someone ran them over.  In fact, I wish I had my grandpa’s favorite dream weapon.  He used to say “If I had a gun that shot shit…”.  Well, if I had a gun that shot shit, I’d have shot every damn one of them with the smelliest manure available.  Instead, I flipped them off as I passed by and made sure they saw it.  Then I had to explain to the step kids who they were and what they stood for, which didn’t sit well with the kiddos.  Good.  Educate them young in tolerance and Christian love, and yes I did mention that my flying the middle finger was not very Christian.

Glad to be back home with the two cats who show the black and white together are an awesome combo.

Rerun – Jingle Bell Sunrise Safari

sisters-time-travel-buttonThis post originally published on 5/30/2010.

As part of the Time Travel Tuesday link up, it is the one I am choosing to re-run.  The Knight (my boyfriend), should probably NOT read it as I’ve been moving in and bringing critters with me.  :)  If you want to link up and re-run a favorite post, click the icon on the right and join in!

Jingle Bell Sunrise Safari

Last night when the Diva’s went to bed,  we  were 5  women, 2 female cats and a female Yorkie.  The kitten and dog slept on my bed with me.   Well more accurately the dog slept on the bed by my left leg, the kitten  slept on my head, her favorite place to snooze.  Since the little Pixel weighs just over one pound that works well for now, but when she tops out several pounds heavier I’m not so  sure  it is going to be feasible.

This morning I woke from a deep slumber to the breeze of the fan gently blowing across the bed from the window, the sounds of little bells and ID tags  jingling,  and a warped episode of Mutual Of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom playing out on me!  The  kitten and the dog were chasing each other, growling and meowing, all around on the bed.  Their little wrestling match was hard to ignore at 7:12am.  I made several attempts to get them to stop and go ‘night night’ but they were  far  too interested in their game.  Just when I thought they had finally given up the fun,  and I was drifting back to sleep, the dog  starts her “hey I need your assistance” grumble at the door.   It sounds  very much like geese honking.  I kept hoping to wake up from what would be a nightmare in a rain forest but  it was all too real.  The dog needed to go outside  before she had no other alternative but to pee  on the floor.  I left the room with her  and  kitten stayed behind.

Mind you, because of the great clay I use in my hair to get that spiky, butt-end of a chicken look on the back of  my head (the whole Kate Gosslin crossed with a soccer mommy style)  I am  sporting gold medal bed head.  I’m looking really fashionable in my light blue and white plaid  jammie shorts and matching blue tank top with sock monkeys covering them (part of the jungle theme today), yesterday’s makeup and mascara smeared around my eyes looking like a demented  raccoon (please do NOT call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, I’d  never go out in public this way).  Naturally one of the neighbors from behind us was walking back down his long,  private driveway from retrieving his newspaper as I creep out on the deck with the killer pup.  Just when I thought I was safe, he had not spotted me,  my dumb dog starts barking at him.  Oh well I  just waved and smiled, hopefully he isn’t scarred for life.  When I came back up to my room after my  lengthy hike out to the back deck with the dog I heard the kitten crying at the top of her tiny lungs, she  was miffed we had left her behind.   I crawled back in bed in the hopes of a few more hours of sleep.  THAT was a joke,  the big cat is now outside of the door trying to open it, the kitten is  pouncing on my head  playing poke out your  peepers with her paws, and the dog is whining to be fed. I gave up and exited the jungle with the ferocious beasts hot on my trail.

First order of business is coffee.  None of the critters are going to starve if they wait 5 minutes but I very well might skin one of them alive without that caffeine jolt to push me back to rational  thought.  I also had not  yet taken my Lexapro and could not be held  responsible for my reaction to their 100mg morning assault. Besides I only take 40mg which was no match for their well planned foray.  I may need to discuss this with my doctor if the sunrise jungle boogie  is going to be on stage for an extended period of time.

Penny, the Yorkmonster, was fed first, the kitten has an endless supply of her dry  food that she already was munching, and then Noel, the big cat, was served some  nasty, fish smelling meal that won her approval.  Score: beasts 1, Marvi Marti 0.  I went back to make the bed and wait for the coffee  to  brew.  Now, I sit here sipping coffee and writing this account of my morning jingle bell safari.  Life in the Princess Palace: S.N.A.F.U.

Yawn, Hurl, Yuck…

I am EXHAUSTED.  And sick.  Some how I managed to contract the cold or whatever from hell and lose my voice.  My head is stuffed up, I am lucky to get out enough voice to even be heard, and last night had the pukey stuff to go with it.  This so is NOT what I wanted to be doing.  I wore out completely what little voice I did have by the time I finished work yesterday.  Just after crawling in bed and drifting off to sleep last night I was suddenly wide awake and very very sick.  Without much  detail it is suffice to say that  I never made it out of my room, and owe my sister big time.  I was completely unable to sleep all night between the sour stomach, mega night sweats and not being able to breathe.  I stayed home from work today and slept as much as possible.

The cats seemed to pick up on the fact that I was not well, as they all came and checked on me several times.  Noel was in bright and early this morning and groomed my hair line on my forehead.  That is a big hairy deal as she is anti-social.  Guess they were worried that the food wench (I am the one that typically feeds them both times in the day) might be on her death bed.

Ditzy napping with me

My cat slept at my feet quite often.  Then later, during an afternoon snooze,  little Ditzy kitten came and  napped with me.  She is such a doll.  While the other two will check on you, Ditzy is a cuddler and she wanted to snuggle in for her sick watch over me.  She purred for close to 20 minutes, even as she drifted to sleep, which was flat out adorable.

Day 7 – A Photo That Makes Me Happy

All About Me In 30 Days – Day 7

This is one of those topics in the All About Me series that is difficult.  I have a LOT of photos that make me happy.  So, I refuse to pick just one because I’m like that, incorrigible to a fault, I just have to do things MY way.  :)

So here are a few photos that make me happy and a brief explanation as to why.

This is my Charlie Brown Christmas tree sitting on my dresser in my room.  Charlie Brown Christmas is one of my favorite Christmas shows and I just thought it was a hoot when someone decided to market the tree.  My sister bought it for me and those are the reasons why this photo makes me happy.

:)

The family room at the Diva Den.  It makes me happy when I see this photo because this house is so full of fun, laughter and love.  I love having a fire place and I LOVE Christmas.  It is SO wonderful to be in a home where everyone just loves the holidays.  We have lots of elves in this house but not a single Scrooge.

:)

This picture makes me happy because it is typically where I find my cat, Pixel, in places she knows she should NOT be.  This was taken this Fall when I went in my room in the morning after getting coffee and found her sitting on the dresser.  She likes to get up there and knock things off the dresser when I’m sleeping in the morning if she feels it is way past the time for me to be awake.  She has learned this method is effective, it gets a response and I finally give up and get out of bed.

:)

And this photo always makes me smile because one of Pixel’s favorite games is peek-a-boo. She gets in between the 10 (yes 10) pillows on my bed and hides.  She thinks I cannot see her peeking out between the pillows waiting for me to get close, then she reaches out a paw and quickly pokes me and vanishes back between them.  She thinks she is so stealthy!  It IS a fun game and she is so playful that it makes me happy when I see it, reminding me when all else fails, the cat loves me!

Saturday 6 – 10/23/10

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Hosted by Boobies and Zombie.

So for Saturday Six…tell us how you get down in the bedroom. (All about your sleep style sickos! Get your mind out of the gutter!)

  • How many hours per night/day do you sleep?
  • Night owl or morning person?
  • What do you wear to bed?
  • Sleep crutches? (Sleep with a radio, fan, t.v. on? Have to have something particular in order to doze?)
  • Do you remember your dreams when you wake up?
  • Any strange stories about sleepwalking/talking or anything of that nature?

How many hours per night/day do you sleep?

For starters…not enough!  On week nights 5-6 hours is a good night, which could be improved upon if I would stick my sorry butt in bed earlier but I don’t.  On weekends that can be 8-12 hours depending on the mood of my cat in the morning.  If Pixel Kitten wants me up and moving then I’ll be lucky to score the 8 hours.  Her powers of persuasion are rather impressive so she usually wins.

Night owl or morning person?

NOT a night owl.  I guess I am more of a morning person.  Assuming I can start the morning out slowly, with coffee, waking up the brain at my own pace, then we are good to go and off to a happy start.  No coffee = one mean, unpleasant person, don’t risk it.

What do you wear to bed?

I own a wide variety of cute jammies in tank top and shorts styles, or capri and long pants.  Because I live with all these chicks I am related too, and 2 of them are younger, I respect them and don’t run around naked as I’d prefer.  Some nights I sleep that way, but since I know sooner or later I will be up to use the bathroom (old age and drinking way to much water before bed) I usually crawl in with the shirt to the jammies on and slip the pants on as needed.  Not to mention, knowing my luck the damn  house would catch fire and I’d need to be rescued through my bedroom window in the front of the house, and it would be Lord Voldemort the ex-hubster that had to carry my naked ass over his shoulder down the ladder.  I’m thinking NOT A CHANCE, I’ll be carted out with something on if you don’t mind. Especially since I could see him dropping me onto the lawn from half way down the ladder and I’d end up landing so that my fat, bare ass was sticking straight up.

Sleep crutches? (Sleep with a radio, fan, t.v. on? Have to have something particular in order to doze?)

It is necessary for the bed to be made before I will get in it.  Weird I know.  And I have to have my teddy bear.  Yes, 47yo and I still sleep with a teddy bear.  I cannot sleep without him.  I am also afraid of the  dark so I have a night light in the form of a Febreze luminary burning in my room at night so I can see.  I know, I’m a freak.

Do you remember your dreams when you wake up?

VERY rarely…and most that I do remember are just plain WEIRD.

Any strange stories about sleepwalking/talking or anything of that nature?

To my knowledge I do not walk or talk in my sleep.  I DO sleep like the dead, however.  The first hubby had to come home from the firehouse one night after being injured in a fire (noticing this disturbing trend of marrying fire fighters? Yeah, that trend is OVER).  He had a coworker call me and stay on the phone with me until he got home and took the phone from me.  This is because he knew that if he called and told me he was coming home, I’d not remember it and likely have shot him thinking it was an intruder when he got in the house.  He was likely correct as the next morning, after talking for 20 minutes to his coworker I had NO recollection and was shocked to find the hubby in bed with me.  So maybe I do function in my sleep after all?  Dunno but I am somewhat of a lighter sleeper now so hopefully those days are gone.

Learning To LIVE Again

Recently I came across Andy Rooney’s I’ve Learned – The Art Of Happiness.  2 things really stood out to me (okay the whole thing stands out to me but due to a personal, internal struggle, 2 of them really jumped out at me).

“I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.”

and…

“I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.”

I’ve really been struggling lately regarding relationships and exactly what it is that I want in one.  Friends with benefits works well in theory but there is no way that two people can spend time together as friends without some type of bond forming.  We have control over our emotions to some degree, but I don’t believe that we can make ourselves love or not love someone else.  Therefore we must chose wisely who we spend time with, flirt with, and share with knowing that the possibility is always there.  How committed we are and how much we love someone has little bearing on what can happen with another that we get too close too.  We can chose to walk away when we sense that feelings are developing but we cannot control the chemistry that happens between two people.  Add sexual intimacy to the mix and I do not believe it will remain void of emotion.

I was never one to flirt around outside of my marriage beyond a surface level.  I knew all too well that chemistry happens and when the right mix occurs between any man and woman, sparks can fly.  I only flirted within safe boundaries, with those I didn’t feel a real attraction towards, that way I could keep it fun.  Of course that too is playing with fire in that I had no way of knowing how the object of my attention might react.  Attraction is often one sided.  I also know that men rarely think with their hearts or their larger heads, so a little flirting can get a girl in a heap of trouble.  Guys are weak, and thrive on female attention.  Any female with half a brain picks up on this early in life and plays the flirt card to her advantage.  It may get  your tire changed on the road side, or free drinks all night at a bar.  It is also a power game when you can persuade an otherwise faithful man to your bed for the night even though he may have a beautiful, adoring wife at home (trust me 26yrs ago I played this game).  Men are just pigs enough that they never seem to catch on that they are being used by the flirty little tart as part of a game to make herself feel powerful.  She might even play that game a long time before setting her prey free to face the consequences of his actions.  For some such women it isn’t a win until he has left his wife and all that was important behind, only to be dumped soon after.  Men are pigs, women are vicious she devils.  Make no mistake about it.

Not all men are complete pigs and certainly not all women are demonic creatures, but we do carry those less desirable traits to our over all characters.  For me, finding the man that was a more ‘cultured swine‘ was the goal in life.  And for a long time I certainly believed I had found it.  But even he fell victim too easily to the games of the more wicked of women now and then.

After such a long time and so much of me invested in my marriage, when the end came I encased my heart and determined I was NOT going to love anyone again.  Friends with benefits was the answer to preventing pain from ever touching me.  I honestly didn’t believe I could mentally stand that kind of hurt another time without landing in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

Enter Pixel Kitten.  My sister’s birthday gift to me, an adorable, 5 week old, orphaned kitten that NEEDED someone to love her.  I carried her around that first weekend from Friday afternoon until I had to leave for work on Monday morning, caring for her every need and doing something I didn’t even realize was happening….FEELING.  My wounded, well protected heart was wrapping around this helpless little kitten that clung to me like I was her mama.  She slept against my chest or my face, wasn’t happy unless she was being held, and began to breathe life back into my heart.  In the first few weeks she gently helped my heart off of life support and out of ICU.  I thought it was because time had passed since I found out my marriage was over, that I finally was HEALING.  And then when I read the quote, “I’ve learned that…LOVE, not time heals all wounds.” I realized that in fact it was love the healed my heart.  I poured all that pain into loving that little bundle and without even realizing it I was feeling again, thanks to my 4-legged heart band-aid. By allowing my heart to feel love again, it healed.

Even in my favorite movie, Always, the truth was right in front of me.  It wasn’t until Dorinda allowed her heart to FEEL love again that she began to heal from the loss of Pete.  The pain I carried wasn’t going to go away until I filled that void with love, first for Pixel, and now who knows, but loving is the healing balm on the wounds of my heart, no doubt about it.

All this time I had thought I would do better to NOT feel love again, that I’d heal from my wounds and move past the pain by shutting out any and all emotional involvement with anyone.  And in my friends with benefits style relationships, it almost works.  Except that in order to NOT feel for these so called friends, the only communication that could pass between us would be arranging for the hook up and the sex itself.  No pillow talk, no sharing, just the sex and be gone.  How cold.  I’m not that type, I’m not inflatable.  No that is not at all what I want, but in order to be truly friends with anyone there is sharing which leads to caring, which leaves the heart vulnerable.  So the question is how far can I safely let down my protective walls around my heart?  “I’ve learned that…under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.” And this IS true, deep inside of every human is the basic need to be loved and with that love appreciated.   But it means allowing someone to get inside the barriers we build when we’ve been hurt.  Sometimes it is circumstances, life, fate, or people, but the pain inflicted is real and the protective walls mean to shield from future suffering.  But without love we do not heal those wounds, they simply fester beneath the surface making us unable to trust or exist beyond our self imposed exile.  We move about as an island in the world not allowing anyone close to us.  This is NOT living, this is existing.

I know that I do not want to merely exist in this life, moving through it watching others but never letting anyone get close to me.  Trusting someone to hold my heart means yes, I will hurt again, yes I will cry again, but it means I WILL be able to love again.  And love will heal the past hurts.  Not everyone I share my heart with is going to purposely hurt me, some will be unintentional.  The one I chose to give it wholly to in the future will hurt me at times, it goes with being in a relationship.  But that same person, can love the pain away and heal whatever harm is done.  It will mean being willing to be vulnerable, and take a chance on LIVING again, not just going through the motions.  Taking down the wall a brick at a time, and taking baby steps forward.

I want to walk the sandy beaches of life in a relationship again, allowing the waters of love to wash over me, feel the sun, breezes, and sometimes the necessary storms of emotions that come with opening up my heart again.  I want to LIVE life.

Post It Note Tuesday 10/19/2010

Only Parent ChroniclesGet in on the fun, click the note above to link up and share your post it note thoughts.

 

Wine & Cheese – 13th Serving

Every week on Wednesday I  devote a blog to whining.  Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.  I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile  just a bit more than normal.

Sit back and join me now for the 13th serving of some wine and cheese!

WINE

Traffic Light Forfeiting

I swear every day I can see more and more reasons to ban cell phone use when driving.  Not just texting, as the city of Cincinnati has now passed an ordinance that bans texting/emailing while behind the wheel, but ANY use of cell phones while operating a motor vehicle.  Today when I headed out to pick up some lunch,  I was waiting for the light to turn left out of our office complex.  Turning left at this intersection requires waiting for the signal to give you the arrow, because someone deemed it too dangerous to make  that decision for oneself.  Likely due to idiots like the one I observed waiting to turn left INTO the complex.  Two cars were in that turn lane waiting on the arrow, and believe me this is a long wait, I have to endure it every morning.  I could balance my check  book during the wait and if you know me you know that takes a while.  When at last the signal changed the first car pulled away and turned into the office complex.  The  second car never moved.  I began to wonder if the driver had died at the wheel when I looked closer and could see he was so busy texting he did not realize the light had not only changed but that the car in front of him was gone.  I am not entirely certain he ever did realize he had sat through the long awaited opportunity because by the time I got the light to turn out he was still keying something into his phone, oblivious to the fact that he was one and a half car lengths from the stopping line and occupying the  turn  lane all alone now.  THAT is just plain ridiculous.  Anyone that absorbed in a text conversation should not  be driving.  Put the phone on silent and put it down and concentrate on driving the car.  And please, never, never, NEVER be in front of me at a light, or behind me while in motion, I don’t think you are safe.

What Not To Wear – Ever

If you are a man pay attention to this please.  Unless you work out on a regular basis and are muscular and solid, please do not wear wife beater shirts out in public and think you look hot.  Seriously if you have man dinners peaking through your shirt (man boobs), you have no business being seen in this shirt out in a public place.  And when you need suspenders to hold your pants up to go along with this shirt, then dear gawd go purchase a full length mirror and take a good look at yourself.  If you are over weight that is fine, but please, consider those of us that have to look at you when you use one of your dumb pick-up lines.  We do not find you attractive, you not a hunka hunka burning love.  You have bigger tits than an NFL cheerleader, cover that train wreck of a physique up please!!  I’d gouge out my eyes or pour bleach in them but the image is burned in my mind for life.  You won’t see my big butt in Daisy Dukes or spandex shorts, gain some fashion sense!

Sam Witches

No,  they are not a new Halloween treat, or decoration.  It is a total mispronunciation of the word sandwich.   S A N D W I C H.   Read it again,  S A N D W I C H.   Note that there is no ‘M’ in that word, sandwich.   It is is NOT pronounced ‘sam witch’, there is no such thing as a samwhich, samwitch, or samwich.  It is a SANDWICH.  The ‘D’ is not soft.  Say it with me, SAND,  and now this part, WICH.  It makes me flipping crazy when people order a samwich or tell me they made a ham and cheese samwich for lunch.   There is no such thing, even dictionary.com did not list it as slang.  One more time, try it, SANDWICH…..thank you.

CHEESE

Nothing is quite as nice as finding money you forgot you had.  In your jeans pocket, stashed behind your drivers license for a rainy day, or in my case opening your ashtray to figure out what is rattling around and discovering a nice handful of change!!!  Obviously I don’t use mine for ashes as I do not smoke.  I forgot that is the ex-hubby’s favorite place to dump change and the other day was trying to figure out what I was hearing in the car when I opened the ashtray and discovered about $2 in change. YA ME!!!

Recently I stumbled across a blog page that caught my eye, because they had developed a FUN way to shrink your jeans…by sizes. Shrinkvivor is like the show Survivor but online and for losing some weight. This is so cool and I cannot wait for it to begin tomorrow! My sister, a fellow blogger, decided to get in on it too. We’re in different tribes which adds to the competition and will make this much more fun!

And last but not least, sleeping with the windows open!  While Summer is by far my favorite time of year, because I HATE being cold, I have to admit that with the gradual change of seasons taking place it is SO nice to not only have the windows open and the air conditioning off, but I LOVE sleeping with the windows open.  On top of the nice breeze while I sleep, and the night sounds of crickets and tree frogs, my kitten is able to occupy herself when she isn’t sleepy by watching out the window, which beats her climbing on the night stand or dresser to pounce on me when I’m sleeping.

DESSERT

I have NO clue of the  origin, but this was too funny not to share.  Longer than the usual dessert I serve up but very enjoyable!

Amazing Grace

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.  He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Eastern Oregon back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods,  I got lost and, being a typical man,  I didn’t stop for directions.   I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.  I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this poor, homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.  They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.  Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently I’m still lost…

T.G.I.F.!!!! Sort of

Yes, I am very thankful it is F-R-I-D-A-Y!!!!  This has been a long week that started off completely crappy and while it vastly improved the past few days it still isn’t perfect.  Perfect would be going home at noon today and relaxing on the deck with a cold beer and a good book on this beautiful day, sleeping  in tomorrow and then holding down a chair all day while lost in that same book.  It is not to be.  WAIT!!! Who am I kidding? PERFECT would be winning the lottery and not working ever again unless I wanted too!  Today is a GOOD day, but not a GREAT day.  Let me explain.

I am off of work early today, at noon.  I have to go home and scoop up Pixel kitten, put her in the cardboard pet carrier that she hates, and take her back to the vet.  She was so good the first 5 days after coming home, just relaxed, slept a lot and seemed to know she needed to heal.  Wednesday she must have been feeling great because it was her first day to really snap out of it and play.  Her and Noel had the rips, racing around the house, wrestling and being crazy cats.  I figured she was okay or she’d not be suddenly so wild.  Short of gluing her paws to the floor I don’t think I could do more than I did to keep her from injuring herself since surgery.  Well now she has a hernia  at the incision site.  Lovely.  I will be the meanie and load her up, listen to her laying on the guilt for the 8 miles, crying her lungs out in the box, then hope whatever she has done isn’t going to require opening her back up because I cannot afford another surgery for this creature.

I started working part time for an insurance agent as his office manager a few weeks back.  Tomorrow we will hopefully be moving to our new office.  I don’t mind that at all, I get paid to go in and pack up the office and relocate it!  We’ll also be doing some major purging and organizing, filing etc., it will be a busy day.  However before I go there, I have to come in for my other job.  Sales are down and we need to generate some business.  Part of my job as production manager is to contact anyone we have quoted and get them to sign on.  I am heading home early today because I am coming into the office to work tomorrow to do call backs and follow ups in the hope that I can generate some sales.  I will be able to sleep in a bit but mostly I will be up earlier than I like on a Saturday and working.  On a positive note, the boss and I did manage to knock out several sales yesterday so hopefully that is the flood gate of good selling karma bursting open!

This is my last weekend as a legally married person.  Monday morning I will be at the courthouse finalizing the termination of my 23 year marriage.  I still say Friday the 13th, our anniversary, would be the better day.  Instead I’ll have to get my girlfriends together on the 13th for a ‘pig roast’.  Food, beer and ceremonial burning of a stuffed animal pig in the fire pit.  I think it is appropriate and the rest of the Divas are all over the idea, to celebrate my official, legal, single status.  I’ve been really shocked at how I feel about it now.  I am no longer upset, no longer feeling a burning hatred toward he who shall not be named, and no longer even sad.  Last time I saw him and spent a bit of time with him I was surprised at the lack of feeling I had.  Don’t misunderstand, I care about Lord Voldemort in that I know he is having issues with his back after an on the job injury, I know he is struggling with things in his world, and I feel bad for him.  I still ‘love’ him, but no longer see him and view him as my husband, just maybe a friend.  I don’t know what caused the healing that seems to have taken place but I like it.  A few friends are worried that I will be upset Monday morning but I don’t think so, I really am feeling relieved that it is going to finally be over.  This has been the longest 6 months of my life in many ways.  I’ve been all over the emotional map and back again.  To finally feel some peace is wonderful.

I wonder if some of this healing has been having to face some ‘firsts’ on my own rather than rely on a husband to manage any ‘crisis’ that has arisen.  I had to work with my budget to find a way to pay for my kitten’s surgery, a first for me as he has managed the household finances for 23 years.  When the car had issues I had to call the mechanic myself, set up the repair appointment and handle the financial side of that as well.  I have made many other small steps and decisions on my own over the past few months, all of which seem to have added up to my realizing I don’t need a man in my life, and I sure do not want it to be him any longer if I do have cause for male assistance or companionship.  I am feeling FREE, and come Monday, at 9am it will all be done and I will be officially solo.  It remains to be seen if he will keep the promises he made about things we did not opt to put on paper and make legally binding.

As predicted, Long Beach is….gone.  Just like that he up and vanished.  A few too many things were not adding up for me, and I went back and reviewed early emails and IMs, finding numerous holes and pieces of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit.   The photos he had sent of his house were of a gorgeous home with an in ground pool, but they appeared to be pictures taken for a real estate listing.  So, I suggested a cell phone pic of the pool in the early morning light, something to dream about.  That was the last I heard from him, Tuesday morning.  Check mate!

Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve been playing games with cyber casanovas for years now, I know their moves, their lines of crap etc., and while this one was far more convincing than the others, that red flag of skepticism was waving in a strong breeze keeping me from falling for his beautiful words of adoration.  No matter how convincing they are, they seem to forget that once one is jaded and believes all men are pigs, there is no changing that line of thinking.  I’m blond but not dumb.  I will investigate their claims, I will turn over any and all stones looking for a demon under every rock.  I do not trust men, period!  The only man I had come to completely trust and believe in not only was the one to tell me all men are pigs, he went as far as to prove it to me 6 months ago and sealed the fate of all who come behind him.  Pity too about Long Beach, his accent was sexy, as were his eyes, and he was a total gentleman keeping the topic of sex out of it for a full week, I was impressed.  I think I’ll take a break from the freak parade over the weekend and rest up before the next candidate emerges to play the game for my attention.

I think tomorrow night calls for some serious gal pal time.  One family member is in serious need of her BFFs and some strong drinks as she is now riding the divorce train too.  The Princess Palace will roll out the red carpet and help her drown her sorrows a bit.  She needs her tiara shined up and we are the bunch to help.  Junk food, chocolate, wine and late night girl talk won’t fix anything but it does help with the hurts.

What a week!  THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!!!!!