Tag Archive | Dating

The Dating Diaries ~ My Fantasy Dating Profile

Dec19

I follow a guy on Twitter and through his blogs, Dad Unmasked, who is a divorced dad raising 2 girls.  I love what he writes about in both venues.  As someone that has done the dating site game, I totally enjoyed his Fantasy Dating Profile post.  It inspired me to write one of my own.

The whole idea is that the profile I write is REAL, the real me!  The fantasy in this case being that someone out there wants the REAL people, not the Barbie dolls.  I cannot tell you the number of profiles I had read of guys who are overweight, unemployed or living like it (hey can only go on your pictures of the trashed trailer you appear to be sitting in with dirty dishes stacked high and trash bags piled around) that are dog ugly and specify that the female needs to be trim, in shape, and gorgeous.  Really?  So see, the fantasy is that someone would really want the real me!  And so far that guy I seek must be a fantasy too, as I’m just looking for a REAL guy. But that is for the post I will title “Mr. Right’s Fantasy Dating Profile” to be posted in the near future.

SO, here is my fantasy dating profile:

My Self Summary:  I’m a 48 year old, divorced mother of two.  My children are both adults, they do not live with me but are known to make unscheduled, unannounced visits and this is a good thing.  I’m 5’6″ tall, curvy with a few extra pounds.  Yes a FEW.  NO I am not fat, obese, etc.  When I say few I mean it, I am nothing if not brutally honest.  I have big boobs, a plus to some men and a minus to others. I have hips and a booty and I’m not upset about it.  I’m very happy with myself as I am.  I’m not your sugar mama, I don’t make a lot of money.  But I’m very happy with what I make and comfortable.  I am not a clean freak but I’m not a hoarder.  If it hasn’t been used or worn in 6 months I dispose of it to charity or the trash.  I don’t like clutter and I won’t live with it either.

I’m really good at:  Cleaning, taking care of little ones, and sales.  I was a very good office manager too, but I’ve made a serious career change into daycare and sales and have no intentions of returning to managing anyone’s office but my own.  I can cook but don’t like too so my talents are limited.  But I’ve yet to go hungry.  I’m good at cheering for my favorite football teams and yes I do like watching it either in the stadium, a sports bar, or my own living room with friends.  I can dress up and look like a million but frankly much prefer a tailgate, fire pit, a hoodie and some beer with friends.

The first thing people notice about me:  My eyes.  If I had a dollar for every time someone complimented my eyes I’d be rich.

Favorites:

Food: Chipotle steak bowls, with rice, black beans, corn salsa and cheese…no sour cream. EVER.

Movies: too many to name but they are not all chick flicks.

Music: that varies with my mood or the mood I wish to set.  Country, classical, hip-hop, classic rock, easy listening, soft rock…

Books:  first and foremost my bible. Then a variety of things, romance, historical fiction, biographies, autobiographies, motivational, business…I love to read.

TV Shows:  Blue Bloods, CSI, CSI:NY, NCIS and Criminal Minds.

I’m seeking: A man who is honest, I cannot and will not tolerate lies.  Someone who is affectionate, who isn’t looking for a Barbie Doll, is loyal/faithful (sorry don’t share), works hard but doesn’t let work come before his family, someone seeking a best friend in their mate and not a trophy.

Sadly this isn’t what most are seeking I am thinking.  But I’m working on a post all about the real me.  I did one for my 100th post long ago, but thinking it is time to really open up. That is a post coming too.

BEEP – Time’s Up!

Dec17

Fellas, don’t suddenly decide to remember her the very moment she finally forgets you. Let her go & let her be. ~ TheSingleWoman™

It has been a week since things fell apart with The Count.  I’m sitting here at my computer analyzing it one last time.  Last time because I figure a week has gone by now and if in 7 days he didn’t see fit to find time to contact me and iron this out, then perhaps I am the one that needs to rethink the relationship.  True love would not let something so ridiculous as a Facebook post that may be seen by a 12yo end a relationship (sorry 99% of those on my Facebook are adults and the post had to do with politics, the Occupy weirdos and as it happened they were topless women).  Looking back it may not have been one of my brighter shinning moments when it comes to posting stuff, but gee, really?  So I’ve been rethinking everything and going back over the pros and cons of the Count & Me, and analyzing it all.

I need more than a few texts and one day a week to build a relationship.  We aren’t talking a “friends with benefits” thing here.  This was us, planning a future, talking about a future business, where we’d live, like as in LONG TERM and permanent.  Him being busy I understand, but not so busy that the person you claim to love doesn’t take more priority in your life.  I’m not unreasonable and really not all that demanding.  I saw much more of the ex husband when we were dating (several nights a week and weekends) and he lived 2 hours away!  In the beginning, with the Count, in the first few weeks, we did see each other a bit more, but then his job got in the way.  SO…is a phone call on the way home from work that taxing? Or one night during the week finding time, like in the beginning of the relationship, to have dinner on that night he wasn’t working?

Meanwhile of the 12 other men I dated off the dating sites, several would have been happy to continue to date, see me far more often and 3 of them would have carted me off to Vegas and got married after the first date.  I wouldn’t have done that, my mother didn’t raise a fool, but it would be very nice to have fallen in love with someone that put me just a little bit higher up the priority list, where I did not feel like an after thought.   And if you cannot spend more than a day a week with me, then don’t ask me not to date other people.  If you don’t have time for a relationship, why in the world were you on a dating site to begin with? Why start something that you know full well you cannot give the time too that it deserves?  Why would you get involved and let someone fall in love with you, fall in love with them (or so you say), knowing that you cannot (frankly in this case more like will not) devote the time to them that is needed to grow things?

The statute of limitations for over hauling and putting this relationship back on the rails has run out.

*Note To Self:  never again, as the saying goes, make someone in my life a priority that only makes me an option.*

The Dating Diaries ~ If You Can’t Handle Me At My Worst…

Dec11

TheSingleWoman™ – As uncertain as the life of a single girl might be..we make our own rules & answer only to ourselves..& that ROCKS.

The door to the secret garden of my heart is slammed shut and locked.  Yeah, all is not good in paradise today.  And if you know anything about me you know that if you hurt my feelings bad enough, I’m going to completely close up and good luck getting me to open up again.  My heart is a very fragile thing, has been for a few years now and for me to open it to anyone is a huge step for me.  And for anyone to find themselves in possession of a key to the gate of my secret garden, the deep parts of me, the whole of my heart and soul, well use it responsibly because while I do not pick who has that key, fate/chemistry/God does, I do chose who will suddenly find their key no longer works in the lock.

I’m trying very hard not to be irrational, stomping pacing back and forth in front of the gate on the inside of the wall, the temptation to revoke access is definitely there.  Once I revoke it, it is never available again, which is why this Taurian is snorting and stomping fuming and pacing.  I’ve worked hard the past two years, with the help of the meds, to learn to control my reactions and instead of reacting, chose to  respond.

As I have said in my About Me section, I am known for posting things now and then that may be considered inappropriate, or not thinking through things before I hit post/publish.  This is not just on my blog, it goes on Facebook too.  Seems I did that…well okay after further review of the play, the penalty call stands.  I cannot reverse it no matter how many red flags I toss out there on the field.

The post was a video of some of the occupy Wall Street ladies topless, whining and carrying on about the cops telling them to put their shirts back on.  I found it hard to take these idiots seriously when I saw it, so much for being intelligent liberals, obviously you had to resort to displaying your less than impressive rack to gain attention to your cause as no one was paying attention.  And they sure weren’t going to take you seriously now!  But back on track here (love when I hijack my own blog).  I posted that, not thinking about the fact that the Count’s 12yo grandson would see it.  Seems the Count didn’t care for it either.  I thought I had set it so the  children/youngsters on my Facebook didn’t see it, but guess that was an epic FAIL.  I had commented on a photo of a cheerleader with a spot on the crotch of her shorts too, that I thought it was photo shopped.  Because I commented on it, the way Facebook works these days, it showed up in the feeds of my friends.  I didn’t think about that, I’m still adjusting to the changes Facebook made (when will they learn if it isn’t broken don’t fix it?).

Now backing up a tad here, things have been strained between me and the count of late, at least it felt that way.  I knew going into this that this time of year he works, A LOT.  As in he is at work before most of us get out of bed in the morning, and is still working when most of us go to bed at night.  And we’re seeing each other one day a week if that.  But as I said, this I knew so while I am a woman that needs more attention than a random text every day, I was being patient and trying not to complain.  Though I admit I felt like the family pooch given the crumbs brushed off the table after everyone else had their portion of the count’s time.  It’s what you do when you love someone.  And is wasn’t going to last forever, just a few more weeks before things would be normal again.

So, Friday at 9pm I received a text, him venting about work.  I sent multiple texts after that.  Nothing, no response at all.  I had dinner with a very dear friend last night and came home to discover I had been deleted from the Count’s Facebook, and his grandson’s.  No text, email or phone call to explain, just gone.  I texted and got no reply. I called and left a voicemail, nothing.  Now maybe I am not thinking this through clearly (damn muscle relaxers) but when one goes from dozens of texts a day, slowly down to a random ONE most days…it is hard to hold on with that crumb.  Then to go over 24 hours with no communication and to find oneself removed from their significant other’s friends list and their grandson’s.  Well I’m sorry if I jumped to the wrong conclusion after the attempts to communicate from my end, but I assumed the relationship had come to a halt.  Please feel free to point out to me if you think this was not a valid conclusion.

I come to find out, finally after making that assumption in a text in the wee hours of this morning when I couldn’t sleep and asking yet again later at a reasonable hour of the morning when I still had no reply, that he removed me and made the grandson remove me, over that video and the picture.  And now he needs to take a step back and rethink us?

All this could have been avoided with a quick text pointing out the necessary reminder (told ya I don’t think things through all the time) that there is a child on my Facebook and that the items were inappropriate viewing material.  But no, he reacted in anger (he said he was mad over it) and deleted me.

Now, I might be wrong here as I’m stomping through my vegetation tip toeing through the tulips inside the garden here, but when you go from “I love you” and “I miss you” and talking about a future, a business, and a life together, to all of the above….well to ME it sure seems like someone was just looking for an easy way out?  How about just telling me you want out, it isn’t working for you, whatever.  If anyone thinks it hurts less this way well they are quite mistaken.

The  worst part is I find myself repeating dance steps of the past…making excuses for him!  He is working so hard, long hours, is sleep deprived and grumpy and on a short fuse these days….when in fact there is no excuse for treating someone you say you love this way!  Communication is key to any relationship and there was a huge lack of it here.  And I cannot do this again, I’m not going to be an option rather than a priority in anyone’s life.  And I am sure as hell not going to change who and what I am to fit in anyone’s mold.  Been there, done that, and spent a long time  peeling back the layers and rediscovering who I really was and I am NOT going back in a box for anyone.  Take me as I am or don’t take me at all!

In the words of my all time favorite quote and personal mantra:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”~ Marilyn Monroe

And  honestly, if that is the worst anyone ever has to deal with, my imperfection when it comes to posting stuff now and then that maybe I need to think through, but my best is loyalty, love and total faithfulness and support, then  they should seriously be thankful because I’m one hell of a great package!  If he cannot handle my worst…well as it says, he doesn’t deserve my best.

Which must be evident  to many because the single men are already swarming  like cockroaches when the lights go out, asking for a chance to see if they might hold that key to the garden gate after seeing my relationship status change to single when someone deleted me.

Sorry boys, the marvelous one needs time to let the cracks in her heart heal right now.  :(

Meet Me On Monday

Nov13

Welcome to the 57th edition of “Meet Me On Monday!” 

Blogging  is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read  and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, “who is  this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want  to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great  way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you  questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we  can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them  better!!  Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!

Questions:

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?
2.  What is your favorite card game?
3.  What do you wear to bed? 
4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?
5.  What is your usual bed time?
—————————————————————
My Answers!

1.  Does your family/friends know about your blog?

Yes, my family, friends,  the ex-husband, the kids, guys I dated off the online dating sites (some of them even subscribe to it!) and yes, Steve knows and to my knowledge doesn’t read it but supports me, probably the only people that really don’t know about my blog is the current neighbors.   I have an open door policy for my blog.  Though I admit, parts are password protected, and I DO post on a site  where I can let it all loose when I just need to vent without hurting feelings.

2.  What is your favorite card game?

That  would be Rook (aka Baptist Bridge).  I really am not much of a card player but I really like Rook…I GET IT  so it is a good game!

3.  What do you wear to bed?

Well…jammies until I am IN the bed.  Then partial jammies.  No bottoms as nothing bugs the crap out of me more than getting tangled in my jammies so I remove those.  They are close by lest the house catch fire and I have to hang my big white butt  out of the window naked.  NOT good fodder for the community press or the 11pm news.

4.  What is your favorite kind of French Fry?

Regular old fries….used to be McDonald’s but they got all healthy and ruined the flavor.  Now, I suppose White Castle is good, Burger King….just fries, ya know?  For the most part I haven’t met a french fry I didn’t like.

5.  What is your usual bed time?

Well I aim for 10pm but lucky to get there at 11pm most nights.  Once in a while  I am just too tired and go earlier but that is  rare.  11pm ish  so to speak would be my regular bed time.

The Dating Diaries ~ The Princess & The Count

Oct30

It has been quite a while since I updated the status of my love life.  I’m sure everyone out there is chomping at the bit to know just how things are going between me and the man I met on a dating site.  I’m still kind of in shock at times that I went from happily married, to divorced and shattered on every mental and emotional level, to healing slowly, seeing a married man (in my own defense I had NO idea Mr. Wonderful was married until the end of the relationship), dating a super hero, then going out on over a dozen first dates with men I met online through dating sites.  Some of those first dates made it to a 2nd, and one or two hit a 3rd, but the 13th 1st date was to a man that held the key to my heart’s garden.  You all know him as The Count, the nickname I gave him because of his love of all things Halloween.  On my supporting cast page, he is Steve.

July 22nd of this year I went on my 13th and last first date.  I walked into one of my favorite places to grab  bite to eat and a cold beer, to meet someone I almost turned down.  Not because he wasn’t attractive, he is very good looking.  But mostly because I didn’t think I was what he was looking for based on the profile.  But it kept eating at me so I finally replied to his email and agreed to dinner.  That night I walked in, and looked into the eyes of someone that turned me inside out just looking at me.  I had this happen one other time in my life, and I was married for 22 years as a result.  There is a chemistry there, with a stranger, that when you look into their eyes you see their soul, and they in turn see yours.  I’ve read that we all have a particular scent and ‘sense’ about us, that attracts the partner that is the right mix for us.  Not sure if I believe that, but when I use the term chemistry, well I guess there is something to it?  SOMETHING clicks, like the fit of pieces in a 2 piece puzzle coming together, something is just RIGHT.  That was what I felt, it was like I had known him without ever having met.  If I were one that believed in reincarnation I’d say I found my mate from a previous life, but I don’t so I won’t go there.

My heart went through so much pain I  never imagined feeling love again.  Then to have it broken as it was finally healing, not once but twice after my divorce, well this princess had raised the drawbridge, added extra piranas to her mote and given up hope.  I had given up on love but I also enjoyed the company of a nice man, so, while locking up my heart, I still decided to date so I could at least get out of the house now and then.  One of the men I met, that made it to a second date, nicknamed himself Romeo.  He wrote a very good description of my heart as a garden, that I in turn picked up and ran with, as it was very accurate, The Marvelous Secret Garden and I posted what he had written to me.  Shortly after our first date he wrote more, in Part 2, ever hoping he’d be the one holding the key.  He had read just about every blog post I’ve written here, and possibly the ones from my previous blog site when married.  He definitely knew me rather well but he was not the one that held the key, and would have to forever remain outside of the garden.  My heart is well protected behind very thick walls and a locked gate that only 3 have ever held the key too.  Until now.

I wrote about meeting Steve, and how he looked right into my soul but didn’t push against the barriers, or try to find his way in.  He didn’t have too, because the key to my heart isn’t something one would know they have, or I would know, until they unlocked it.  That was just over 3 months ago, but it feels like we’ve known each other so much longer.

I’ve slowly met his family, and he has slowly been introduced to mine.  Things are progressing forward at a slow, steady pace.  Each time we’re together it is a little harder to be apart until the next time.  My heart very much loves him, but is able to take it’s time, letting this unfold and grow.  I’m learning to trust again, in the area of opening up and allowing someone inside my heart and mind.  I don’t have issues with jealousy this time, I never lack for assurance of his feelings for me.  When I’m with him I feel more safe and secure than I have ever felt in my life, that he would protect me.  My soul feels at peace with him.  I miss him a great deal when we are not together, but not in a clingy way, just a like a part of me is missing, until we’re together again.  I’m happy, very happy, in the sweetest possible way.

He hasn’t once tried to change me, he allows me to be true to myself.  I don’t try or even want to change him.  We balance each other nicely, even in areas where we will agree to disagree in our thoughts or views.  It is a relationship being built on a solid foundation of love and respect (perhaps the biggest missing piece to my failed marriage), one brick at a time. (thanks again, Chuck, that book you recommended, Love And Respect, is a life changer!)

So in case you were wondering, yes, he is still within the walls of my heart, slowly and carefully exploring that garden with me, and sharing more and more of his own heart, a piece at a time.  As each day passes, the other side of the garden that was so severely destroyed and burned, has grown over with vegetation and flowers, and the signs of the destruction are barely visible now.  There is no rush down the path, no need too.  We have all of our lives ahead of us to see where this might lead, and I’m savoring every minute of that journey. It is SO very different from any relationship that I’ve had before.

The Dating Diaries ~ Life In The Moment…

Aug22

As my readers have likely picked up on, I LOVE P!nk, love The Greatest Hits So Far album, and thank my baby sister for buying it for me.  I ripped it to my PC and the CD is in my car, I love everyone of the 16 songs except number 10, but I’m too conservative for that one.

One of my favorite songs  on the album is “Glitter In The Air”, a great love song.  I know the feeling of being touched so gently I wanted to cry.  Looking fear in the face (fear of getting my heart broken yet again) and saying “I don’t care” and letting myself FEEL again.  Of  not wanting a night to end, wondering if it could ever get better than that moment.  And all because of one man.  A man I met online through a dating site.  A man that emailed me and I didn’t respond for a few days, and damn near didn’t at all.  A man who was about to give up on finding the one, but gave it another shot.  That man, of course, is the Count.  AKA: Steve.  But you know me, I love nick names.  My very own Mikhail Dubrinsky.

Trusting has been the hardest thing for me to do.  I trusted for 22 years, and that got me no where but alone and emotionally destroyed.  I tried again, 2 more times, and those were just more breaks  in my heart. I was done at that point.  Dating was a way to just get out and meet men, I really didn’t plan on finding the one, this Cinderella had long given up on finding the fairy tale prince.  Yes I was looking, but I did not feel like that was even a remote possibility.  I kept meeting guys that were totally smitten with me, but it wasn’t mutual.  Many read my blog pages, had the full story, knew that I was the ‘nut case’ the ex feels I am, (they all find me quirky cute in every aspect with one guy that was  the exception, and thought the ex had a hole in his marble bag) and wanted me anyway.  I knew 23 years  ago  without a word being said, not even knowing my ex husband’s name so I knew that chemistry would be there or  not be there. Sure, things develop over time, but there is this initial draw, like two magnets, and it hadn’t happened.

Then came the email from The Count, expressing interest.  I read  his profile, looked at his photos, and decided to think on it.  My plan was to delete all my online accounts and toss in the towel.  I had dated 12 men  already and not yet found that undeniable pull.  I waited a few days to reply, but many times I went back to his profile.  Something in his eyes drew me in, again and again.  I  didn’t feel I matched  his criteria so wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, but I finally replied.  Then we talked on the phone.  I was still terribly hesitant to meet.  But deep down something was  stirring and that something would not let me out of this.  I  agreed to meet him for dinner.

Little did I know that when I walked into the meeting place, my life was about to shift dramatically.  The man looking back at me as I walked in the door had the most amazing eyes.  I swear they could pierce a hole in steel, and when he looked in my eyes he looked straight inside my heart and soul.  There was instant chemistry and draw.  It was very scary to me.  I’ve kind of sat on that fear a good deal since.  Not fear of HIM, but fear of the intense feelings I have  for him, from the beginning!  My heart was way ahead of my brain and that was scary.  I was just waiting, after each date, to hear that he just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, he is feeling it too.  We text like a couple of teenagers!  I got flowers last week for no reason other than he was thinking about me and wanted me to know this.  He doesn’t hold back at all telling me how he feels about me.  When we are together, for no reason out of no where he will  just stop, kiss me and tell me he loves me.  We  talk in terms of here and now, but also the future.  a future that is me and him, side by side, building a life together.  But we are going SO slow, taking our time, letting this bloom, grow and unfold it’s petals without rushing it.  There is no hurry, the feelings are there and grow each day.

Will I get my heart broken again?  I  don’t believe so, but only time will tell.  We’ve both suffered severe heart breaks at the hands of those we dearly loved, the ones we’d have gone to the ends of the earth for and back again.  We  are advancing with baby steps even though our emotions are miles ahead of us,  and just enjoying this one day at a time.

The  Count is part of my supporting cast now, photo and all.  Love is awesome.

The Dating Diaries ~ Love Grows In My Garden

Aug1

The garden gate opens now all on it’s own, it recognizes The Count and welcomes him inside the walls that protect my heart.  He brings with him a warmth when he enters here, a feeling of peace and harmony.  Little by little, he is exploring every inch of the landscape, getting to know everything that grows here or has  once been within the walls.  While we’ve glanced  across  to the area that is burned and damaged, he doesn’t push for more than I am ready to give up.  Already love is sowing healing seeds and new growth is starting on the other side.  With every day the painful memories of the past slip further away under the sprouting new flowers there, and in some  strange way my past tears are now fertilizing the soil that is bringing forth the new life.

I knew when I met the former prince, before I even knew his name, that he was someone I was supposed love and marry.  This time, I had only a photo, voice and a lot of communication on texts and the phone with The  Count, but inside something was stirring to life.  The first time I looked into his eyes I knew that feeling again.  Destiny was sitting in front of me, all I had to do was let it take me by the hand and lead me.  When he reached out and took my hand, continuing to see into my eyes and my heart and soul, we both knew.  There was no denying it.  When he searched inside of me, he didn’t push, and I didn’t deny him what he wanted to see.  He has gone where  only one other person dared to look, but that one was not mine, and I was not his.  For a long time I did not grasp why, but now I know…because Mr. Wonderful was not my destiny, The Count is.

From that first meeting, in the first few moments, there hasn’t been any singular in our discussions. It has been all about us, we, our….we’re like 2 puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly together.  The longer we are together the less of the seam that separates us can be seen even to us.  His life dream and mine fit together so very well.  Completely different, yet so perfectly suited to compliment each.  When we envision those dreams, we see each other in there, have since the first moment.  He is a very strong personality, with the softest of hearts.

I needed a man who could match or exceed the strength of my personality, there is no questioning he is that one.  Yet he is tender, and loving and wants to make me happy.  He knows my dark secrets, I know his.  We both accept the other completely: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  Neither of is looking for perfect, we both want someone perfectly imperfect.  I’m reading the book that was mentioned once by Chuck, Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs,  and see where the former prince and I went wrong, some of the situations described could be right out of our 22 years, down to the very words used in scenarios.  It won’t happen again, I simply won’t allow it.  I  know where I went wrong, where he was wrong, and how to not let that happen this time around.

“Go slow” is the intent, but it is hard.  We both know we need time to figure it all out, but we’re both in and committed.  My dating profiles have been removed, I have no desire to see anyone else, I found him.  Or maybe better said, he found me.  One flirt on a dating site has led to the start of what WILL be an amazing life as we work together to make our dreams come true.

The Dating Diaries ~ Get It Off My Hanger!

Jul12

I’ve noticed something on the dating sites that I’ve also seen in society in general:  We all tend to hang our self esteem on other people’s hangers.  This is obvious by the reactions to being rejected.  I wrote a blog about this last year, when I decided to remove MY self esteem from the hangers of others opinions of me.

I know that I am a good hearted woman, I am attractive, and I’m a great catch for the right man.  Key word being RIGHT.  Not every man is right for me, in fact most will not be, and that is okay.  I will find the one that I don’t want to live without and  make him the happiest guy around.  He will be blessed and thank God every day that my ex divorced me so that I could be found by him, the one that will treasure me.  Goodness knows plenty of men I have dated have told me to thank  him for setting me free just so they had a chance at knowing me even though it ended up just a friendship.  Yes, I AM that special!  Guess what? SO ARE YOU! To many someones in this world you are that precious too, you just have to find the one that wants to keep you and you want to keep them.  It took me a while to accept that single best thing my ex did for me, since he didn’t cherish and treasure me, was to let me go so someone else COULD.  And then I removed my self esteem from his hanger, put it on MINE and learned what a great person this marvelous woman really is!

We all tend to let it bother us when someone finds  fault in us, be it that we don’t clean correctly, dress the way they think we should, talk too loud, talk too much, aren’t as pretty or fit or whatever someone else has in their mind for what we should be.  Or, what they think their ideal match is, as is the case on dating sites.

On a dating site, we fill out our dating profiles and then hope to catch the attention of someone that meets our criteria.  Some people, like myself, put serious time and effort into the written portions of their profiles.  We take the quizzes, psychology tests of some kind, that determine things about our personalities and preferences to assist in finding the perfect match.  We chose photos of ourselves in various situations to help portray who we are to potential mates and then hope for the best.  There are those that for whatever reason think putting down one word or one line  answers is going to just impress the snot  out of others,  oh and 1 fuzzy photo of themselves from 50 feet away, astride their Harley (at least it LOOKS like it might be one from that blurred image) and then 5 photos of their dogs or sunsets, which don’t happen to be blurry, go figure.

The sites  have standard questions about smoking and your preference, drinking of  alcohol, height, marital/relationship status for you and your preferred match.  It is amazing, I swear some of the  sites asked me for what brand of toilet paper I purchase, or it seemed that way.  So, anyway, if  I am looking  over profiles of potentials, I can see right away if they are someone I want to meet.  Their photos, what they write, what their physical characteristics are etc, all give me clues to them.

As I stated the other day, I can and DO glean a lot  from a person’s profile.  It is the ‘first impression’ and believe me it DOES make a difference.  A haphazard profile is a good  indication that someone is careless and doesn’t take care of themselves, so I know they aren’t going to make me a priority.  Or it may be a very well written profile, but just not be someone of interest to me because we don’t share common interests.  It is always perplexing when someone writes and says “I see we have a lot in common…” and I go look and find they are into sky diving, hang gliding, NASCAR…nothing at ALL in common.  My guess then is they saw my pics and thought I was attractive so they’d give it a shot.  I  know what it is I’m looking for, and when I find it, I will know.  I knew immediately when I met the ex Prince, before he opened his mouth or I even knew his name, I said to my mom “I am going to marry that one”. Sure enough I did.  Trust me, I can tell enough from what I read and see on a profile, if there is any interest.  A few emails between us and my first impression is confirmed if there were any doubts.

So where am I headed with this?  I am growing tired of men contacting me, and when I tell them “I’m sorry but I am just not interested, but good luck in your search” I am called names and they begin personal attacks.  Mr. Confident isn’t the first or last (he just stood out).  Last night a guy from Louisville,  Kentucky contacted me.  He is like 2 hours  away.  When I said “I’m sorry, but as I state in my profile, I am not interested in a long distance relationship, I cannot relocate and unless you are able too, should  we hit it off, it just won’t work out” he in turn wrote back and called me an asshole!  Wow, really?  I didn’t bother to go into the fact that nothing about his profile or photos was even remotely appealing to me, I was kind and polite.  Another potential that contacted me said “I knew I wasn’t in your league and you’d think you were too good for me” (I get that ‘outta my league’ stuff entirely too much).    I don’t think I am too good for you, YOU JUST DO NOT INTEREST ME!!!!

What I see here is a bunch of  men that get their hopes up that some attractive female might want to date them, and then their ego gets bruised if she says no.  No  one is out of anyone’s league.  Period.  But no one wants to go out with someone they are not interested in.  Just because you have an interest in me doesn’t mean I share that interest.  If it isn’t mutual, why waste our time?  Sure, I realize that by some slim, snowball’s chance in hell we might hit it off, but I might get struck by lightening or win the lottery too…twice.  The man I seek is hot and handsome on the INSIDE and it shows through his profile in not only his photos, but in his smile, what  he writes about himself, his attitude that comes  through in those  writings.  None of us are going to be knock  outs when we are  old and wrinkled up like a fuzzy, mold covered prune, but our inner self will still be beautiful, and that is what I am looking for most, that inner man that will rock my world.

Stop hanging your self esteem on my hanger.  If going out with me is what you need to feel good about you, buddy you are in a world of hurt!

The Dating Diaries ~ ACCESS DENIED

Jul10

“Go ahead..let people label you. It just shows they wanna put you in a box because they’re so afraid of what you can do” ~ The Single Woman

~*~

Online dating, if nothing else, is highly entertaining at times.  Just reading profiles is good for laughs.  Despite what some  folks think, one can glean a good deal about someone by their own words in their profile.

One thing a well written profile does is gives me a good clue if someone will be compatible with me.   First starting with  their physical stats, like height, weight, location, and for me even their astrological sign.  You recall,  from earlier posts, fire fighters and those born under the sign of Aquarius, Scorpio or Leo, are just not good matches  for me.  Fire fighter Aquarians are simply a disaster trying to occur.

In the essay sections of a profile, where a person has the opportunity to tell me about themselves, it can either be a deal breaker before we ever get to ‘hello’ or it can spark the desire  for an introduction.  I forgive a random typo, but I’m picky, too many of them and it becomes obvious that the writer just doesn’t put any time or thought into themselves or they’d be trying harder to put forth something of quality.  Also, things a person likes to do in their spare  time, or  for fun, helps me to know if there is a chance at chemistry.

For example, I was contacted by a gentleman (and I use this term very loosely as he certainly didn’t behave like one, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself) who was interested in meeting.  I looked over his profile carefully and somethings stood out to me, and yes I am going to rip this sucker apart dissect some sections to show first why he is not a good match for me.

Okay let’s do some examination of his profile:

” I enjoy any activity that can be done outdoors camping, biking, hiking, tennis, volleyball, water skiing, festivals, and traveling. I also enjoy art shows, auctions, yard sales, shopping and dining out along with good conversation. “

Okay first off, I love being outside!  However camping = Holiday Inn Express.  I grew up camping all over this country.  I do not like to camp anymore, period.

Biking = Harley Davidson/Honda etc…fender fluff.  I don’t care for peddling.  It has to have a motor and rumble baby.

Water skiing – not so much.  Not a huge fan of water I cannot see the bottom of so water  skiing just is  not appealing.

Art shows/auctions/shopping – Not much into art, auctions YAWN no thanks, and shopping?  This girl HATES FLIPPING SHOPPING!

So far, as you can see, this isn’t going to be a good match.  We are  not on the same pages enough when it comes to activities we enjoy.

Then he posts:

My photos are current. Please don’t expect the Brad Pitts, bad boy type from me. I don’t have a beer belly, long hair, hairy back, tattoos, earrings, nose rings, belly piercing, or a motorcycle (although I might get one in the future, lol). What I do have is a big heart, self assured, confident, positive attitude, optimistic, a job and white teeth! lol

Hmm…getting the idea that he is intimidated by the bad boy/rebel  types.  And tattoos and a nose ring might not be up his alley, which means ME as my nose is pierced and I have some ink.  Not to mention if you are someone that is so confident and self assured, you don’t tear down other ‘types’ when telling me what you are all about.  Truly confident individuals don’t do that sort of thing, they don’t compare themselves to anyone or point out what they perceive as flaws in others.  Bad form my man.

So reading further, this stands out to me:

Things that I believe in:

- My Dad & Mom taught me well
- You will hurt and be hurt by those you love and showing you care afterward can strengthen those relationships
- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships
- Most mistakes can become blessings if you learn along the way
- We’re never truly alone
- People cross paths for reasons so pay attention
- Everything happens for a reason and those who learn from those reasons gain knowledge from life’s experiences.
- It’s safe to trust your instincts because you’ll know early if someone “gets” you and you “get” them
- It’s better to laugh than to cry
- Sunrises, sunsets and rainy days were meant to be shared
- A hug can make it all better

I want you to remember the part  in red there, it will be important in a bit.

And then this part stood out to me too (dude was LONG on the writing which is okay if it doesn’t all contradict itself)

I borrowed the below info from another profile. I thought it was somewhat close to me. BTW, I have blue eyes and I’m looking for a woman no matter what her eyes color maybe. I already had one shallow woman proclaim she didn’t have blue eyes so she tossed me back into the water! Come on, please have an open mind and expand our horizons when it comes to looking for a partner. There has been only one perfect “MAN” in this world so far!

BLUE EYES:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don’t care what people think or say. They love to party. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when they need to be. They are bad to the bone.

Okay Mr. Confident is back to dissing people again, because someone was not interested in him she must be shallow?  Oh and he just told us earlier he isn’t a bad boy type, yet he is bad to the bone?

I had immediately picked up on the fact that this guy is anything but confident.  He resorted to name calling and knocking others in his profile, it screams of someone that lacks self confidence and doesn’t handle rejection very well.  And not finding anything in his profile that indicated compatibility I told him I wasn’t interested.  I figured if he doesn’t handle rejection well (shallow woman???) online, after a date or  two when things were confirmed for me that this was NOT the future Mr. Marvi  Marti,  he might have a full blown melt  down.

Oh and before I go any  further, I need to point out that I have a photo on my profile of me in a Halloween costume I wore once.  The reason? I am a curvy girl, big boobs, and some hips that gave birth 3 times.  Not fat, but curves are a part of me.  So since that shot gives the viewer a good indication of what they are getting, I used  it.    You’ll understand why I’m showing this photo in a minute, so hang  on.

This morning, while laying in bed answering my emails on the dating site, there continued a little exchange with Mr. Confident (we had exchanged a few very short emails last week but I told him I was too busy to meet then):

sent 7/9/2011  7:50:42 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
How’s your schedule looking for this weekend or next week?
Thanks.

sent 7/9/2011  10:01:17 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
At the moment just not interested.

sent 7/10/2011  7:24:49 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
why not? Has something happened in your life?

sent 7/10/2011  7:29:38 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I just am not interested. That simple.

sent 7/10/2011  7:35:23 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Do you mean in me or find someone? I’m just trying to understand?

sent 7/10/2011  7:39:09 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I am not interested in getting to know you.

sent 7/10/2011  7:42:07 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Duh, how did you come to that conclusion? We have never met or spoken? But I guess you are right. I’m not attractive to shallow and narrow-minded people!
Guess that explains the reason why you can’t keep a man after 22 yrs of marriage! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:04 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Interesting you that you resort to childish tactics throwing insults at someone, tells me that you are thin skinned and do not handle rejection well. Instead of having some class, you behave like a 5yo little boy.
that was what I suspected, so wasn’t interested. You simply confirmed it.

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:07 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I guess that’s why you have to put pictures of your breasts hanging out in order to catch a man? you can’t do it as being yourself. Some Church person you are! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:15 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Have a nice day.

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:51 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Why are you still bothering me? Get on your broom and fly away!

You have nothing to offer me! lmao

*note: I stopped answering at  this point, evident that this guy is getting his boxers knotted up pretty easily.

sent 7/10/2011  7:51:524 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Go to Church and pray that you can find a man! You are going to say a lot of prayers before you do! lol

Obviously old Rob doesn’t handle rejection very well?  Funny to me is that Mr. Confident, who lists himself as Catholic, obviously had no issues with those D-size boobs when he contacted me hoping I would have interest.  And as I told him, he resorts to sandbox politics when he doesn’t get what he wants.  Also, remember up above a bit where he stated things he believes in? Remember this:

- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships

Well, Mr. Confident, your actions exposed YOUR soul and defined you and your relationships.  Oh and for the record, you are divorced too, and on an online dating site, LOOKING for a woman YOU don’t have, just as I don’t have a man at the moment. So what is your point?

As  I said, when I read his profile slowly, I sensed he was going to behave like this if I rejected him for any reason once we started going out, I just didn’t expect him to do it simply because I have no desire to meet him.

Good luck, Mr. Confident, you are going to need it.

ACCESS TO THE MARVELOUS ONE:  DENIED

The Dating Diaries ~ Retiring ‘The First Date Shirt’

Jul8

My sister has this awesome top that I have kinda taken ownership of she lets me borrow that looks great on me.  It got a thumbs up from my brother when he saw me in it a few weeks ago.  When I wore it to court for the divorce hearing and then into the office, my then boss whistled and made several comments  about how great I looked dressed up.  Of course that is more likely because I usually wore jeans and a company polo shirt to work every day so me dressed up feminine in any way was going to be a noticeable improvement.  It is fitting and symbolic to me that the shirt I wore to end my fairy tale, would be the same one I am wearing to begin a new one.  This top has come to be known around the Diva Den as the first date shirt.  Mostly because I almost always wear it on a first date.  It is very feminine, I look damn good in it  if I do say so myself.

Yesterday my horoscope read:

Your ruling planet Venus may bring sweetness into your life today in a way that is fresh and different. However, the opportunity you have for pleasure comes at a high price now. Keep in mind that your desire for simplicity means that you may have to set aside previous priorities. But don’t bother trying to get approval from a friend, unless you’re seeking to deepen that particular relationship. Remember, communicating your feelings isn’t all fun and games; it takes hard work and an open heart.

Shortly after I read it, there was a knock at the front door, and my favorite florist (how did  he know this???) was there with a delivery of lavender roses for me.  Something ‘fresh’ and ‘different’ as my horoscope said.  Fresh as in fresh cut  flowers, my very favorite flower!  And ‘different’ because receiving  flowers just is not a real common occurrence for me.  I don’t recall ever receiving my favorite flowers, so it was totally unique.   I found it quite special, as someone is definitely paying close attention as they read through my hundreds of blog posts.

The sender is someone I’ve talked to via emails and texts, but had yet to meet in person.  We have much in common  in our  relationship needs and our personalities.  There was definite chemistry there  in writing.  I  know, people can paint themselves to be a lot of things, but sometimes you just know you are seeing the real heart of a person when they share about themselves.  Not a single red flag has flown as we have gotten acquainted on the dating site, so I gave him my blog page to explore.  He knew he was seeing the real me as he has spent a great deal of time reading and learning…he knows my heartaches, my frustrations, my likes and dislikes, and even my glaring faults.  And he too has a passion for writing and expressing himself through his words (read the Secret Garden posts).  He doesn’t mind at all what I write about, even regarding him.  He doesn’t want someone he can clip their wings and cage in order to tame, but rather someone he can enjoy their  free spirit and watch soar, and even fly beside.   We both know what it is to have our fairy tale implode and have our hearts completely shattered by the one we thought was forever, and the next one we fell in love with, and we’re both ready to try love again in spite of the scars we carry.

When the sender asked me to meet him in person or talk on the phone last night, I opted  for meeting.  There was just something about him that made me want it to be in person the  first time I heard his voice.  And what a voice it is…deep and oh so pleasant to listen too.  Strong hands yet with such a gentle touch.  No red flags here either, my gut is not telling me to run like hell, I was quite relaxed and content to spend time with him.

I made a decision to turn off my profile on the dating sites (on ones where that is an option), and I’m not going on anymore first dates for now.  The ‘first date shirt’ is  going into retirement, well as far as being worn for first dates anyway.  There is chemistry here.  In his eyes I saw much I want to explore.  His secret garden intrigues me, is calling to me to come see if I have the key to open the gate, as he is hoping his key fits mine, as within the garden is the heart and soul.  Time will tell, and we’ll go slowly and see what develops.

I  may even begin a new thread, since The Dating Diaries really may not be quite  right for this. I’m thinking something along the lines of The Secret Garden Journals of Romeo and Juliet.

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

Jul6

I get asked a lot of the same questions on the dating sites by the men that contact me hoping I will find them interesting enough to want to go out.  Some are pretty standard, some are out of the ordinary, and others just flat out off the wall!  I don’t give out my Blog info to any Tom, Dick or Harry, so only ones I see having potential get to peek here at who I am, that is a very tiny number.  But still, thought I’d answer the questions they ask and maybe I can just copy and paste this later as needed?

Q: What do you do for a living?
A:  Childcare in my home and independent sales representative for Avon.

Q:  What  do you like to do for fun?
A:  This is not a real simple question to answer.  But I will give you some ideas:

  • I like bowling – but frankly I suck at it….bad!  But then it is for FUN, and I do enjoy it and can laugh at myself.
  • I was learning to throw darts, and still hope to learn but be advised NO one should stand anywhere but BEHIND me. I suck at this too. :)
  • I enjoy hanging out with friends at a small bar or pub, inside or out on the patio, listening to a good live band.
  • Grilling on the back deck with friends, drinking a few beers and just relaxing.
  • Tailgating with friends and great food (it IS all about the food, certainly not the win if you are a Bengal fan)
  • Concerts in the park, be it bands or the Cincinnati Pops, on a blanket with a lot of good munchies and someone special or a bunch of friends.
  • A nice picnic with friends or someone special, outdoors enjoying the sunshine and the breeze and great conversation.
  • Snuggling up with someone special, a bottle of wine, good music or a movie, or in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket.
  • Day trips to fun places like Metamora just to wander through the little shops.
  • Weekends in Gatlinburg browsing the shops, sitting in the hot tub on a cabin deck with wine and a view of the mountains.

Q:  What are you pet peeves?
A:  I have a few, the big  one is people too lazy to take their cart to the proper place and instead just leave it in the spot next to them.  Most of them look like they could use the extra walk.

Q:  Having any luck meeting people on this site?
A:  Yes, meeting people  is why I am here and so far not had  any issues, though lord knows I have heard some good horror stories!

Q:  What is your favorite vacation spot?
A:  Golden Clouds, Jamaica.  I’d go back in a minute, despite having to fly to get there, if I could afford it.

Q:  Is that a nose ring in your photo?
A:  Yes it is, and there are 3 tattoos that are not in the picture so if those bother you now is the time to say so.

Q:  What kind of music do you like?
A:  ALL kinds! Country, classical, hard  rock, soft rock, classic rock, 80′s, hip hop, top 40, pretty much anything. Depends  on my mood or the mood I wish to set.

Q:  What type of man do you go for?
A:  Why? Are you a chameleon?  I don’t have  a type, and beyond what is in my profile I won’t tell you what I’m looking for, because I don’t want a good actor.  I want to meet the REAL you and if there is chemistry then you are my type.

Q:  Do you have pets?
A:  Yep, a cat.  We have 3 actually but only one belongs to me.

Q:  Are you interested in getting to know each other (from a guy 110 miles away)?
A:  Unless you are reasonably close to where I live, not  really.  Not  unless you plan to relocate if we hit it off and head for the justice of the peace, because I am not moving from the greater Cincinnati area.

Q:  Do you have sex on the first date?
A:  You really went there, huh Stud?  That would be a NO.  Unlikely for quite a few and even then, it is just not at the top of the list for me.  I’m highly selective in who gets a first date, more so for a second or third, and unless the relationship is getting serious, I won’t even consider it.  Too many freaky STDs  out there, and I’m too special to just sleep with anyone.  If you are asking that before you have met me, you won’t be considered for that first date.

Q:  You are sexy, wanna have dinner?
A:   No but if you check a few escort sites or Adult Friend Finder you might find what you are seeking.

Okay enough silliness.  That is a sampling of the questions I get on the sites.  And  now you, too, know the answers.

The Dating Diaries ~ So Long eHarmony!

Jul6

If you are reading this and one of those potentials that I have shared my blog address with, DO NOT  PANIC! I have not  discovered, to my knowledge, Mr. Right.  I’m just making some decisions regarding where I will continue to search for him.

Seriously I’ve wasted enough money on eHarmony, when my 3 months runs out, I’m NOT going to re-up.  They seem to fail to understand things like yes distance IS important.  I am NOT relocating.  I won’t.  I can’t.  My job is right here and I  cannot pack up and relocate when I f ind the Frog Prince, the beast that is really a Prince when he finds me, his Belle.  I need to stay fairly close to where I am unless said Prince plans to support me while I build my Avon business.  Not likely so I’ll be staying put.

I’m also dumping Chemistry.com.  Another grand waste.  If the scientific chemistry  involved there is any indication, they failed their  state’s proficiency test when it came to reading comprehension.  Enough said.

So far sticking it out with Match.com, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish (POF).  Actually I have had far more  success with Zoosk and POF  than any other.  It is where I’ve met Chuck, Torero, Professor, Coach and Titleist (do you LOVE the nicknames I come with or what!).  There have been others but these are deserving of further progression, they have potential.

Yes, I have to look through a lot of toads for the frogs, but that is okay!  I am enjoying getting to know new friends, some that I will keep just as friends but for a long time to come.

The dating continues in  the search for my Prince.

The Dating Diaries ~ Update, Opposites, And Bottom Feeders

Jul3

First an update!  I know you are all dying  to hear how my next outing with the humorous Chuck went, and I must say, quite well.  In my opinion anyway (Chuck can chime in anytime!).  We went to The Shadowbox, my very favorite place to laugh my butt off, chair dance to a fantastic house band, and eat good food and drink cold beer.  It was very nice,  the company of course highly entertaining as always.  Then we walked outside and watched the fireworks after the Reds game.  Was a great night weather wise, and of course the conversation moved along at a great pace. Then we hit the Irish pub in the Levee before heading home to sit on the deck for a bit.  Thanks Chuck, had a great night!!!  :)

OPPOSITES

As in opposite personality types, lifestyle, just about everything.

I  am moderately conservative in my political views.  I say moderately because in some ways I am far more liberal than many on team Right Wing (I support gay marriage for example).  In other ways, staunchly buried to the right.

I am also a meat eater.  Meat IS dinner.  I love my steaks, chicken and SOME sea food.  Grill it and hand me the steak knife then get  your  fingers out of the way or  risk losing one.  I like goat curry and even like frog legs, though while I do agree they taste  like chicken, I still battle  with my stomach while trying to wrap my head  around the idea of a bunch of little legless frogs.  But, I DO like them.  I will win the battle, no worries there.

And as you know, my faith  is important.  I have my beliefs.   I was raised Catholic, left at 18 and have been to a variety of churches  from charismatic to Methodist.  My church is non-denominational, but lines up pretty closely with the Reformed Baptists (Calvinist).  I  know my way through the Bible fairly well, I’ve had my own for 27 or so years, it is highlighted, noted etc all over.  I hate the term ‘religious’.  I am not religious.  I am a christian, I place all of my faith for eternity in the work of Christ on the cross and nothing of my own doing including my desire to follow Him.

So,  imagine my shocker when I receive contact on one of the dating sites from a man who is very liberal, his religion is science (facts and logic  he said), and he is a vegetarian.  I’ll give you a moment to laugh at the possible hail storm this sort of match up might be.  *moment*  Yes, my thoughts exactly.  ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME PAL????  Needless to say I said no thank-you, we have zero  in common.  He then wanted to get into a discussion about why I am conservative.  No thanks, blocked!  Opposites do attract at times, but rarely make it the long haul.  Not a chance.

BOTTOM FEEDERS

Oh if only some men had a clue.  Do I LOOK like I should be standing on a street corner in a mini-skirt, wearing entirely too much make-up, chewing my gum and strutting my stuff, “hey sailor, buy me a drink?” on my lips?  I should hope not, because if I do, I need to run for the convent.  I have SOME class!

I received an email today on one of the sites (one I pay for!):

Damn you’re sexy! let’s have dinner?

Yep, hold me back, hubba hubba….NOT!!!! I  suggested that he look at Adult Friend Finder or a swinger site, he is obviously clueless about class and relationships.  Can you say BOTTOM FEEDER???  Ah well, loads of toads in the  mix, but that is okay, I’m finding plenty of nice gents too.,

The Dating Diaries ~ Site Update/Opinions

Jun29

Well it has been interesting since I joined the dating sites, seeing where all this takes me.  I do have to say, that over all I’ve had really great dates, with some super nice guys.  Sadly chemistry has to be there and that is usually fairly immediate.  Not “OMG LOVE AT FIRST SITE” kind  of chemistry, but sparks that say “I want to spend more time with you, getting to know you”, that kind of chemistry.

3 first dates have had that for me.  So of the many men I’ve met, 3 have snagged my attention to move  on to another get together.

I’ve tried out 5 different sites now, eHarmony, Match, Chemistry, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish.  You definitely can say that a paying site is best, it does weed out SOME of the riff raff.  But not all pay sites have impressed me.

eHarmony claims to have wonderful success rates, and be the best.  I beg to differ, unless I am just such an outstanding, rare jewel that there are precious few possible matches in this world.   Most of the matches they sent me, yeah no thanks, don’t think so.  Not buying into their match up system so much. Especially when many of the matches haven’t been online for weeks!

Match.com is actually pretty good, in fact I have had most of the dates so far from there.  Priced reasonable but not cheap, and there is some sort of questioning done during the set up process.  It is fairly user-friendly and if I continue to pay to belong that will likely be the one I stay with.  I do find it highly amusing the number of men I actually know outside of the sites, that are on there, that I have been matched with.  Thinking either a brick wall may  need to fall on them, or I need to give up and join the convent.

Chemistry.com is part of the Match.com family I think, it is where I saw it anyway.  So far, not really impressed at all.  Lot’s of chemistry match ups, but so far nothing has panned out from there.

Zoosk is okay too, not too bad on pricing, but it  seems to have a lot more toads than frogs.  Have met a few nice guys but have met a few kinda stalkerish types too, thankfully not in person.

Plenty of Fish, well you can use that one primarily free.  And that means a lot of weeding through profiles and tons of emails.  I feel like fish food since setting up a profile, I get more contacts than I can handle.  This little angel fish thinks she’ll have to watch out for more sharks on this site.

I am enjoying myself, however, and plan to keep looking  for my prince.  Who knows, I may have already met him in those 3, or I may a few more frogs to kiss.

The Dating Diaries ~ Europe & Caviar

Jun25

I’ve really enjoyed the experience so far of reading profiles, looking at pictures and exchanging emails and going on dates with the potentials for future Mr. Marvi Marti.  Maybe it is just my over all attitude  and approach to this, but I’ve not had the horror stories that I’ve read about in blogs by  other single women.  Some of the horror stories my dates have shared have been worth every penny I spent subscribing to the sites, just for the humor associated with their adventures.  I realize  they don’t necessarily find it amusing but I certainly do!  For example, 2 of my dates told me of a woman who is a midget little person.  She doesn’t say this in her profile, and her photos are done in such as way that it is not evident that when her profile says  under 5 foot tall, it really means about 3 foot if in stilettos.  They don’t find out until this tiny little thing shows up and has to get a running start to jump up on the seat in the booth at the restaurant.

All of the men I have met, and there have been many, have really been great guys.  (Nope I am NOT a serial dater, I’m looking for my Prince and ya gotta meet a lot of frogs to find one it seems.  It’s a chemistry thing…still trying to find it though  there have been 2 second and one 3rd date so far….)  Their photos and descriptions of themselves have been accurate.  I have been shocked by some of the men that contact me.  Two of these men are very well off, as in LOADED from what I can tell.  I know, dear sistas out there, you are wondering why I am not beating a path to their yacht and finding a way to rope them into marriage.  That is what this post  is all about today, WHY I am not even pursuing a date with them.

When a man has photos of all over Europe, him in them, and his fancy cars, and with the high society members  he rubs elbows with, it freaks me the hell out.  Their profiles are very well written, it is very evident that they are everything they claim as far as money, social circles etc.  That or they are expert con-artists actors, and that is always possible.  But seriously…I am a simple, laid back, partially redneck, west side girl.  In my world it’s paycheck to paycheck living.  Let me paint the picture from what I have read and the photos I’ve seen both on the site and what was sent/shared directly:

Your world is tuxedos/black tie events, famous or wealthy people.  You know which fork to use of the 12 positioned next to your fancy china plate that is worth more than the car I drive.  My world is hoodie sweat shirts, face paint, burgers on the grill and we eat with our fingers or plastic forks.

In your world it is Chateau Mouton Rothschild and Chateau Lafite wine and Tutankamun Ale beer.  In my world it’s Four Buck Chuck and Barefoot wine,  Bud Light, Select 55, and PBR (stands for Pabst Blue Ribbon, as in beer, not Professional Bull Rider).

Your kind enjoy fancy hors d’oeuvres of mini beef wellington, caviar and oysters.  In  my world it is Cheese Whiz on a saltine cracker, Totino’s Pizza Rolls, or a veggie tray.

You dine on filet minion and things I cannot even pronounce let alone spell!  Around here we dine on White Castles and grill our own bacon beef sliders and slap those babies on buns from the discount bread store.

You enjoy dressing in multi-hundred dollar outfits and going to the opera, symphony and Broadway, or a sporting event  in the heated luxury suite, fully catered.  I am outside with the 65,000 screaming fans freezing our asses off in the stands wearing old blue jeans and gym shoes, or on a blanket in the park catching the Cincinnati Pops under the stars in capri pants, a tank top and flip flops.

Your idea of a nice evening out is a fancy meal, in fancy place, all dressed up, with menus written in French, candles on the table and hushed conversations.  My idea of a great night is a sports bar, people yelling and clapping watching the game, and drinking beer.  Hell I’m still learning to throw darts, I can’t handle a menu that requires a translator.

You jet all over  the world for lunch or a vacation in fancy places like Paris and Monte Carlo.  I’ve gotta be drunk to get on the plane to begin with, and like No Way Jose’s and Hogs and Honeys in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, or for an out of the country experience,  Senior Frogs and Hard Rock Cafe in Cancun!

Do you get what I’m driving at here?  Sure, I could hold my own at one of your fancy schmansy events if I stood there looking pretty and kept my mouth shut.  You might even be able to pull an Eliza Doolittle on me and have me properly educated so I don’t stand up and scream “Come on Dover!  Move  your blommin ass!” at a horse race.  But I wouldn’t be HAPPY!  I’m not from your world, I wouldn’t be comfortable in it.  Sure  I am flattered you’d even consider someone like me, but we aren’t going to fit.

“Some day my Prince will come” and when he does, he’ll probably be riding a Harley and we’ll get matching tattoos.  And that will be just fine with me!   :)

The Dating Diaries ~ Maybe Mr. Right?

Jun24

I’ve been corresponding with a guy via email and texts (we haven’t met in person as my schedule has been booked solid for the past few weeks but we will meet!).  He is confident that we are going to really hit it off, of course I do hope he is correct.  After all, I’m looking for Mr. Right. He feels he IS that person.  He wrote me and told me I could post his email to the Dating Diaries section of my blog.  He is a daily reader now…

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Here it is Thursday evening, and I thought that it would be a good time to write and tell Marti  how I look so forward to meeting. I am hoping that we can meet real soon . It may sound somewhat crazy, but as I have got to know Marti either through texting or emailing I really enjoyed getting to know her. I have told Marti that I am her Prince and I am going to sweep her off her feet. Only Marti will know.

Marti and I met online on a dating site, I believe that I emailed her and was lucky that she emailed me back. I have tried to share myself with Marti and let her get to know me the best I can so far. I have read Marvi Marti and it has really been something that I have enjoyed reading. I come home from work and get on the computer and read a little bit and see if Marti posted anything new. Marti told me in a text today that she had writers block. I told her to write about me and why I think I am the guy for her. Well she didn’t write about me so I said I would write as to why I am the guy for her.

Marti I don’t know if we are the one for each other or not. I do know that I have enjoyed texting and emailing each other. I like to text you good morning as I drive to work. I like to text you during the day and just ask you how your day is.

Why am I the one for Marti?

Marti I want to love and I am only looking for that one person to love. Are you the one?

I am the guy that knows how to let you be yourself and not be that controlling person or Manipulating person. That does not work in a relationship.

I am the guy that wants to make your heart beat fast every time we are together.

I am the guy that when we meet you feel that special feeling.

I am the guy that will make your eyes glisten every time we are together or when we go out I will dance for you in the parking lot.

I am the guy that wants to share me and not part of me but all of me with you.

I am the guy that wants to take the time to get to know you and enjoy you.

Marti I am not a material guy and I don’t care about material things. What I have found is that love or true love is more important then things you own.

Just a guy looking for true love again. I had true love before and I wanted true love again. This is something more that I will share with you in good time and hopefully it will be soon.

Marti I know that you are dating , but when we finally meet I want to be that last guy. Now how can I say that , I really don’t know. But what I do know is that I have really enjoyed trying to find out. I hope that are time will come when you and I look each other in the eyes and that is when we know that we are rite for each other. I want to be that one that makes your eyes sparkle.

Marti I like that you are open and sharing. I like it that you love kids as I have two of my own. I like it that you and I can talk and be open with each other and you allow me to share myself with you. Remember the mirror!! I want to have more experiences like that.

So I hope that after all is said and done that it is us that is together. I have a lot to share and a lot of love that I want to share, You could be the one. Lets meet really soon and start our memories together.

Mike

The Dating Diaries ~ The Torero

Jun20

Dating through an online site has turned into a good thing.  I wasn’t sure at first, there is a stigma associated  with it, something to the effect that there must be something wrong with a person that needs to resort to dating services to meet someone.  Yet thousands are using them!  I think they rock.  It  is hard to meet new people unless you go out a lot.  And then it is more of a crap shoot.  If you always go to the same neighborhood bar, you see the same people all of the time.  Staying within your own known social circles doesn’t help either, again same people.  But meeting someone new when out is hard, lots of frogs out there before you find a prince.  At least with the online services you get to see photos, read about the prospects.  Then decide if a date is a good thing or a bad thing.

I have heard a bunch of ‘horror’ stories from the guys I’ve dated so far.  One thing is common, their reaction to me.  There is much surprise that I actually look like my photos, that I am the height I said in my dating profile, and that I really was honest  about my physical build.  Seems so many women  lie and that 5’8″ athlete is really 5 foot tall and obese.  I really feel for the poor guys.  A good many of these ladies are complete gold diggers too.  My guess is many of them will still be on there 10 years from now.  Why would anyone think lying is a good idea before even meeting someone? Credibility is so important, and dishonesty right from the start spells LIAR through and through.

I’ve had a few dates recently and two of the gentlemen I’ve seen a second or third time.  One of them I will call  The Torero.

A Torero is what we refer to as a Matador.  It should be noted that the matador doesn’t always kill the bull, but sometimes  simply subdues it.   That  is exactly what this bull needs for her Mr. Right, a true Torero, someone who  can subdue her  but not kill who she  truly is.

Recently on one of the sites, I was sent a match that caught my eye.  We’ll forgive the fact that he is  FORMER fire fighter that changed professions, because he is NOT a fire fighter now.  This is a bonus.  He isn’t an Aquarius either, extra bonus points.  Like me he is a Taurus…who better to understand the bull in me than another horned earth sign.  :)    I’ve done my homework, two Taureans can have harmony as long as one can lead and the other follow that lead.  He seems to have solid leadership qualities.

Torero  is  also a man of faith, like me,  he attends a non-denominational church and that is  important to him, he is very active  with his church.  Definite bonus points awarded.  And he enjoys a few drinks, good food and  relaxing moments together  with someone special.  And we click, there is chemistry there.  He also knows that I  will likely write about him, at least a little bit, and he is okay with that.  He  even reads my blogs.

We have gone out twice now, and both times  we both had a great time together.  I am looking forward to getting to know this Torero and see where this goes…

Meanwhile, I’m still dating and getting to know potential Mr. Rights.  Not rushing into anything, will just see where everything takes me.

Coffee & Cupcakes

Jun18

Coffee – the life blood of this Diva.  I likely drink far more than I should but I wouldn’t  consider facing the day without it!

Cupcakes – small portions  of something delicious, CAKE!  Sugar, fat, calories…YUM!

My brain is powered by the coffee as I write and the cupcakes in this case are small servings of a variety of things on my mind.  Cute, I know ;)

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

If you came looking for a particular post from yesterday – it’s been removed, by me, by request.  I’m really not so bullheaded, I just want to be treated kindly, and with respect. And when someone approaches me in said manner, I can be very reasonable.  Push me, I push back.  Talk shitty to me, you will get it return (haven’t got that darn turn the other check thing down real good), but mature, kind and considerate dialog usually gets through even my thick skull.  Flies…win more with honey than vinegar they say! :)

Had a great evening last night!  Very sweet first meeting, good food, EXCEPTIONAL company and conversation.  More on that in the Dating Diaries later.

1pm and here I sit still in my jammies, sipping coffee and just finished a cinnamon Pop-Tart, listening to P!NK and writing.  Lazy, but great morning.  Don’t judge, I didn’t get to sleep until after 3am, had a lot on my mind, all good.  I am finally hearing the stirrings of the other Divas too, guess the Diva Den is coming alive.  Better late than never!

I really had hoped to ride today with my best friend.  Sadly it is raining so that idea is nixed.  A week in review over Mexican and margaritas may have to fill in the space where the wind would be blowing in our hair while we talk.   Ah well, it IS the company that matters, not the activity.  :)

There are a bunch of things in my head for upcoming posts on self worth, dating, love, moms and step moms….my poor brain is rolling in so many directions, and I have post-it notes all over the top of my desk full of thoughts for them all.  Going to be writing a LOT.  Though one post will be about my own dilemma to continue blogging or bail out now.  Much to purge!

But for now, a shower and getting dressed is in order or I’ll be showing up for my week in review dinner in my jammie pants and a hot pink sport bra (great visual, add massive bed head, mascara smeared under my eyes and you have one sexy look!).

The Dating Diaries ~ Background Checks?

Jun13

I read an interesting blog today, How Well Do You Know Who You Are Dating?, that made me stop and think…just how well DID I know some of the men in my life in the past that I not only dated for a stretch of time, but slept next to at night, and married.  Sharing all aspects of my life with them, yet never bothering to check into their past before I put myself in potential harms way wasn’t real smart for a cop’s kid.  I know better!

There are plenty of horror stories that could be CSI or Forensic Files episodes, but they don’t all end in blood baths.  Some are just cases of being taken for every dime of savings, or finding oneself in a relationship with a violent person or obsessive stalker.  Everything can seem so right and yet be so wrong.  We either  miss the warning signs or the  other person is so skilled a manipulator that they can cover their negative character traits for a time to wrap us around their heart and little finger.

So should we conduct a background check on potentials?  Certainly asking to see the current divorce decree isn’t out of the question is it?  For that matter all of them if there have been multiple marriages.  And what about those criminal background checks, run them?  How about credit checks while at it, much  can be gleaned that way as well.

Multiple OVIs could indicate a serious drinking problem.

Domestic assault charges scream RUN LIKE HELL now!

Bad credit history could indicate someone that doesn’t handle finances very well or might even have a gambling problem.

Lengthy turn over in employment history could be a sign of someone that is very unstable and unreliable.

Personally my life is a pretty open book.  I don’t even have a parking ticket to my name, so I am more than willing to have any serious potential mates check me out.  I’ve been finger printed, have had a background check ran to do foster parenting, no skeletons lurking in my closets.  But what of the men out there wanting to date me?  If things went in a serious direction, how willing might they be to have me hire someone to nose around in their past?  I wonder….

The Dating Diaries ~ Dialoging With Chuck

Jun11

Yesterday I posted a Q & A with a new reader, Chuck, a charming gentleman  who was seeking my marvelous advice as he was approaching a potential match via an online dating service.  While I have no real fortune telling expertise, I was able to communicate with some spirits (no not alcohol, it wasn’t Beer:Thirty yet) to assist him as he was preparing to ask out this Snap Dragon delicate flower that had captured his interest.

Last night (okay really dang early this morning) Chuck left another correspondence on my page, on that particular blog, that I feel I simply MUST reply too.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Marti,

You could not have provided more perfect insight into this woman’s availability, her first date preferences, and, most importantly, her willingness to go on a date with me. The stars were aligned as you predicted they would be. The out of commission crystal ball could not have been more fruitful. All Hail Marti without balls. But I digress…

I called her today for the first time and talked to her briefly. We quickly came to an agreement, as your suggestions hinted, to meet at a local venue during a time period you had suggested. That first call is always interesting. You never know what’s going to be on the other end… a southern drawl, jersey accent, valley girl, jive talk, or even worse, a WVU Mountaineer. You have to be ready for anything and be sure to point out nothing. Normally when calling and speaking to someone for the first time I simply state small, medium, or large, then toppings, and lastly crust type. But this call is different and an evening meal comparative is overly understated. This call could be the beginning of a significant life change. It holds untold opportunity. I won’t say my palms were sweating, but I do take the “first call” serious and given the gravity of it all, may have stammered more than once. As I recall, her voice was soft, contradicting the strength she projects in her online dating profile, however, she was decisive and her words were spoken with confidence. She had a happy, upbeat, and positive sounding voice. But the conversation did get a bit strange at times as sporadically her voice would change to what can only be described as a crying baby sound. I immediately started thinking about golf and bark collars, places that are quiet or things that make quiet… I certainly didn’t see that daydream coming right in the middle of this potentially life changing conversation. Any stammering may have been rooted in getting back to my original train of thought to ask this woman out and to firm up a place and time. The closing of the call was quite awkward also as she went full tilt into the crying baby voice again and I could tell from my view at the 7th tee that she was quite distracted. But all’s well that ends well and she and I are lined up…

At your pleasure, I may post from time to time to keep you updated on my progress.

Your grateful subject,

Chuck

~*~

Dear, Sweet Chuck,

(Brings to mind Peppermint Patty, one of my favorites, talking to Charlie Brown. I’m totally cool like her but with blond hair)

I am flattered that I could be of assistance!

Ah yes, first calls can indeed be a tad intimidating.  Sounds like you must have liked her voice.  No doubt she was a bit nervous herself, worried you might think she sounded like Helga, the head warden at a woman’s prison.  Hopefully when you meet in person she doesn’t actually resemble Helga!  I am most certain that she found your voice quite pleasant, with a soothing quality about it.   I just have insider scoops like that, I’m Marvelous after all. (Actually I tried to ‘look into things’ via the spirits this morning but she was singing along with PINK, poor creature really never will be able to pursue a singing career…the sounds coming from her throat were like nails on a chalk board, couldn’t stay connected to her, it was too painful so I’ll have to just give my opinion today)

Hmm…yes those first calls can be the beginning of a significant life change.  Don’t down play the pizza call, honey, those can bring on significant life changes too, like clogged arteries, need for increased sizing in the rear cargo hold of one’s jeans, all sorts of dreadful side effects if one calls too often!  Hmm…thinking that a supreme with a well done thin crust is sounding really yummy right now *stops to dial 347-1111*.  Okay now where were we….oh yes…

My goodness,  she cried?  Perhaps it was tears of joy?  Fear?  Was she in pain?   Then again perhaps she cares for those little carpet critters, Crumb Crunchers of the diapered variety?  *bark collars? what kind of kinky soul are we dealing with here? Best not go there, we’re only a PG-13 rating on this page. ..intriguing though….NOTE TO SELF: Get back to this in another venue*

First dates, so nerve racking aren’t they?  Well at least you have the date, time and location nailed down.  No doubt she is equally relieved.  Then there is the “what to wear” dilemma, don’t want to over dress, but don’t wish to under dress either.  After all, no shoes, no shirt can and does apply to a first date as well.  But how much shirt?  For women it really is a tough time of decision making.  Shave the back or braid and bead the hair?  Show the tattoos of all the ex’s  names, or not?  What of the body piercings?  Will that freak him out and send him running?  Choosing between favorite fuzzy slippers, 8 inch stripper stilettos or combat boots.  It is SO difficult sometimes.  Though Helga, Marvi Marti is confident you will both chose wisely so as not to have to contend with possible wardrobe malfunctions or critical first impression misunderstandings. *2nd NOTE TO SELF: Tell Helga not to put that pink streak in her hair and keep the twins IN her shirt this time to avoid further arrests*

Well my dear Chuck, sounds like things are off to a good start in the right direction toward a possible train wreck of your life as you know it positively marvelous, significant change in life for you both!  Keep in touch,  darling!

Marvelously Yours,

Marti