Last night when the Diva’s went to bed, we were 5 women, 2 female cats and a female Yorkie. The kitten and dog slept on my bed with me. Well more accurately the dog slept on the bed by my left leg, the kitten slept on my head, her favorite place to snooze. Since the little Pixel weighs just over one pound that works well for now, but when she tops out several pounds heavier I’m not so sure it is going to be feasible.
This morning I woke from a deep slumber to the breeze of the fan gently blowing across the bed from the window, the sounds of little bells and ID tags jingling, and a warped episode of Mutual Of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom playing out on me! The kitten and the dog were chasing each other, growling and meowing, all around on the bed. Their little wrestling match was hard to ignore at 7:12am. I made several attempts to get them to stop and go ‘night night’ but they were far too interested in their game. Just when I thought they had finally given up the fun, and I was drifting back to sleep, the dog starts her “hey I need your assistance” grumble at the door. It sounds very much like geese honking. I kept hoping to wake up from what would be a nightmare in a rain forest but it was all too real. The dog needed to go outside before she had no other alternative but to pee on the floor. I left the room with her and kitten stayed behind.
Mind you, because of the great clay I use in my hair to get that spiky, butt-end of a chicken look on the back of my head (the whole Kate Gosslin crossed with a soccer mommy style) I am sporting gold medal bed head. I’m looking really fashionable in my light blue and white plaid jammie shorts and matching blue tank top with sock monkeys covering them (part of the jungle theme today), yesterday’s makeup and mascara smeared around my eyes looking like a demented raccoon (please do NOT call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, I’d never go out in public this way). Naturally one of the neighbors from behind us was walking back down his long, private driveway from retrieving his newspaper as I creep out on the deck with the killer pup. Just when I thought I was safe, he had not spotted me, my dumb dog starts barking at him. Oh well I just waved and smiled, hopefully he isn’t scarred for life. When I came back up to my room after my lengthy hike out to the back deck with the dog I heard the kitten crying at the top of her tiny lungs, she was miffed we had left her behind. I crawled back in bed in the hopes of a few more hours of sleep. THAT was a joke, the big cat is now outside of the door trying to open it, the kitten is pouncing on my head playing poke out your peepers with her paws, and the dog is whining to be fed. I gave up and exited the jungle with the ferocious beasts hot on my trail.
First order of business is coffee. None of the critters are going to starve if they wait 5 minutes but I very well might skin one of them alive without that caffeine jolt to push me back to rational thought. I also had not yet taken my Lexapro and could not be held responsible for my reaction to their 100mg morning assault. Besides I only take 40mg which was no match for their well planned foray. I may need to discuss this with my doctor if the sunrise jungle boogie is going to be on stage for an extended period of time.
Penny, the Yorkmonster, was fed first, the kitten has an endless supply of her dry food that she already was munching, and then Noel, the big cat, was served some nasty, fish smelling meal that won her approval. Score: beasts 1, Marvi Marti 0. I went back to make the bed and wait for the coffee to brew. Now, I sit here sipping coffee and writing this account of my morning jingle bell safari. Life in the Princess Palace: S.N.A.F.U.