NOT Sending In The Clown!

My Avon business is finally starting to take off, which is a very good thing.  I know that I won’t be babysitting kids forever,  in fact I am going to be losing the 3 siblings sooner or later and will be picking up a few more when they go.  I love kids, I really do.  This is the next best thing to being a grandparent, no doubt about it.  I get to giggle, dance, watch The Backyardigans, sing and play with toys…and change diapers, feed, nap and drive car pool, but gotta take the good with the inconvenient.  But this is not what I want to be doing for a living forever.  I want my Avon business to flourish and totally rock me into a big annual income.  I know it can be done, I’m friends on Facebook with my Avon idol, Lisa Wilber, who makes in excess of $300k a year as her own boss,  with her own business of Avon.  She is #4 in the country in sales with Avon, but she best be watching over her shoulder, the Marvelous one plans to knock her back a spot or two in the next few years! :)  It is a goal I know she would applaud, she is totally awesome and supportive of others like that.

Last evening I had a new recruit to sign up and begin training in having her own Avon business.  My sister was meeting one as well so we set the appointments at the same time, same place with the intent to work together.  But first, we needed dinner.  We opted for Chipotle, next to the meeting location, got our food and sat down at the bar at the window to do some people watching while we ate and brain stormed our future.  Out by the curb, on the sidewalk was someone dressed up as a clown, waving at cars, dancing, and holding up a sign advertising the Halloween store in the little strip mall we were located in.  We were enjoying watching his antics as we ate…and then sis said something that struck a nerve with me.  “If I don’t make it selling Avon, that will be me out there.”  Stop the truck, Chuck!!  NO kidding little sister, no kidding.  I know what she means, only I’d be doing the later  afternoon/early evening shift.  I tried to imagine being  dressed up as some odd ball creature, holding a sign and waving to passing cars in front of an auto dealer or oil change franchise.  Thankfully, that vision would NOT come clear in my head.  In denial I refused to visualize that at all.  No, I am NOT going to settle for being a minimum wage, live action ad.  Not that there is anything wrong with it, if that is what you have to do to pay the bills, you put on the clown suit and go make a spectacle of yourself.  I refuse to get to that point is all.  Heck, where is my brain, I should have walked out and recruited to poor soul while they may still have some dignity left.

So, watch for me, I will be at the top of the lipstick one day in the not  too distant future.  Count on it.

Crossing Boundaries

“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines…or you can live your life crossing them.” ~Grey’s Anatomy

A while back, after my relationship ended with the Superhero, I had vowed to pull up the drawbridge of my heart and restock the moat around it with piranhas.  I was hurting again and my heart was  ready to retreat into the  protective shell, behind the walls of the fortress I built after my divorce, and stay there.  Between him and Mr. Wonderful, really both very great guys just not  meant for me, I wasn’t sure I was  going to be able to handle risking it again.  I didn’t just draw boundaries to keep people out, I built  walls and they were thick.  I shut and locked the gate of my heart, my secret garden, determined to keep the world out.  But as the quote says, I may have been trying to keep others out, but I was only isolating myself.

My heart’s garden is a wonderful place, full of good and beautiful  things.  I know this not because only I think so.  I’ve been told by those that have been granted access to the inside of me, to see who and what I am, the parts of me that I generally keep hidden from the world.  Because the outside wall of my garden is rough, cold and hard, and sometimes not real attractive when my defenses are up, the majority of people  that come across my path don’t usually get to see the real me.  Being very shy I tend to throw up an extra layer  or two and can often come across as a bitch, or brazen, or as the ex so nicely put it, a nut case.  I’ve spent my life the misfit of sorts so I had to learn early on to keep a tough shield around me.  When pushed I push back, take a strike verbally, I will fire back harder.  Hurt my feelings and while it may just be a perceived wrong, I’m going for your jugular with a vengeance. Unfortunately that is the side many see, before they see the softer side of me.

I’ve been reading a book, at the indirect recommendation of my friend, Chuck (you remember him from the Dating Diaries?), called Love and RespectHe had mentioned that any woman that wanted to be a part of his life long term had to first read that book, among some other criteria.  I was intrigued and looked it up and don’t you know, it is available on Kindle.  Naturally I purchased it!  I am SO glad that I did too, because it is an EXCELLENT read.  In fact, I can see crystal clear why 22 years of marriage went to hell in hand basket thanks to this book.  No, I am not all to blame, the former prince holds half the guilt on his side too.  So many of the conversations between spouses in this book were ones he and I  had over the years, the fights right down to the very words (I knew we weren’t unique and I wasn’t in need of anger control meds!).  I was so shocked by what I found.  Seems men miss our cries for love, and we women miss the  whole need of respect that they have.  We misinterpret things  they do and say as lack of love (but they think they are hitting the mark) and they in turn miss our efforts to communicate in frustration as a lack of respect toward them.  The book refers to the “crazy cycle” and oh did I see me and the ex in that one.  We could shift it into turbo in a heart beat.

Seriously the more I read the more I wonder if the author happens to have my former residence bugged and was creeping  on us with mini cams or if the  arguments and fights we had are pretty much the norm across  the board.  Of course..NORMAL! No one had my house cased.  I totally understand now what went so wrong in my marriage, and how two people that loved each other could rip things to shreds seemingly beyond repair.  Well okay in this case it is beyond repair,  I could never go back, too much water under the bridge and now that I have uncovered so much of the me I had buried I want nothing to do with even thinking about fixing that mess.  However he would be wise to get the book and read it himself  so he doesn’t make the same mistakes (and he will because ALL men do it) again and ruin the next long term relationship.  We can all say we won’t, and blame the other person, but the fact is we all do these things the book talks about and I for one don’t want to live that out again.  I want to show honest, true  respect for my spouse.

I recently have allowed  someone to take my hand and lead me across the lines I had so neatly drawn.  It was scary as hell to me, I kept waiting for red flags, but none appeared.   I trust when I never imagined I could do that again without someone first earning it.  I fall asleep with him on my mind, and wake up the same way…and I smile a LOT.  I am happy beyond belief.  Life may indeed be messy, but it sure has some sweetness in that mess that I’m glad isn’t locked outside.

The Dating Diaries ~ Love Grows In My Garden

The garden gate opens now all on it’s own, it recognizes The Count and welcomes him inside the walls that protect my heart.  He brings with him a warmth when he enters here, a feeling of peace and harmony.  Little by little, he is exploring every inch of the landscape, getting to know everything that grows here or has  once been within the walls.  While we’ve glanced  across  to the area that is burned and damaged, he doesn’t push for more than I am ready to give up.  Already love is sowing healing seeds and new growth is starting on the other side.  With every day the painful memories of the past slip further away under the sprouting new flowers there, and in some  strange way my past tears are now fertilizing the soil that is bringing forth the new life.

I knew when I met the former prince, before I even knew his name, that he was someone I was supposed love and marry.  This time, I had only a photo, voice and a lot of communication on texts and the phone with The  Count, but inside something was stirring to life.  The first time I looked into his eyes I knew that feeling again.  Destiny was sitting in front of me, all I had to do was let it take me by the hand and lead me.  When he reached out and took my hand, continuing to see into my eyes and my heart and soul, we both knew.  There was no denying it.  When he searched inside of me, he didn’t push, and I didn’t deny him what he wanted to see.  He has gone where  only one other person dared to look, but that one was not mine, and I was not his.  For a long time I did not grasp why, but now I know…because Mr. Wonderful was not my destiny, The Count is.

From that first meeting, in the first few moments, there hasn’t been any singular in our discussions. It has been all about us, we, our….we’re like 2 puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly together.  The longer we are together the less of the seam that separates us can be seen even to us.  His life dream and mine fit together so very well.  Completely different, yet so perfectly suited to compliment each.  When we envision those dreams, we see each other in there, have since the first moment.  He is a very strong personality, with the softest of hearts.

I needed a man who could match or exceed the strength of my personality, there is no questioning he is that one.  Yet he is tender, and loving and wants to make me happy.  He knows my dark secrets, I know his.  We both accept the other completely: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  Neither of is looking for perfect, we both want someone perfectly imperfect.  I’m reading the book that was mentioned once by Chuck, Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs,  and see where the former prince and I went wrong, some of the situations described could be right out of our 22 years, down to the very words used in scenarios.  It won’t happen again, I simply won’t allow it.  I  know where I went wrong, where he was wrong, and how to not let that happen this time around.

“Go slow” is the intent, but it is hard.  We both know we need time to figure it all out, but we’re both in and committed.  My dating profiles have been removed, I have no desire to see anyone else, I found him.  Or maybe better said, he found me.  One flirt on a dating site has led to the start of what WILL be an amazing life as we work together to make our dreams come true.

The Dating Diaries ~ Update, Opposites, And Bottom Feeders

First an update!  I know you are all dying  to hear how my next outing with the humorous Chuck went, and I must say, quite well.  In my opinion anyway (Chuck can chime in anytime!).  We went to The Shadowbox, my very favorite place to laugh my butt off, chair dance to a fantastic house band, and eat good food and drink cold beer.  It was very nice,  the company of course highly entertaining as always.  Then we walked outside and watched the fireworks after the Reds game.  Was a great night weather wise, and of course the conversation moved along at a great pace. Then we hit the Irish pub in the Levee before heading home to sit on the deck for a bit.  Thanks Chuck, had a great night!!!  :)

OPPOSITES

As in opposite personality types, lifestyle, just about everything.

I  am moderately conservative in my political views.  I say moderately because in some ways I am far more liberal than many on team Right Wing (I support gay marriage for example).  In other ways, staunchly buried to the right.

I am also a meat eater.  Meat IS dinner.  I love my steaks, chicken and SOME sea food.  Grill it and hand me the steak knife then get  your  fingers out of the way or  risk losing one.  I like goat curry and even like frog legs, though while I do agree they taste  like chicken, I still battle  with my stomach while trying to wrap my head  around the idea of a bunch of little legless frogs.  But, I DO like them.  I will win the battle, no worries there.

And as you know, my faith  is important.  I have my beliefs.   I was raised Catholic, left at 18 and have been to a variety of churches  from charismatic to Methodist.  My church is non-denominational, but lines up pretty closely with the Reformed Baptists (Calvinist).  I  know my way through the Bible fairly well, I’ve had my own for 27 or so years, it is highlighted, noted etc all over.  I hate the term ‘religious’.  I am not religious.  I am a christian, I place all of my faith for eternity in the work of Christ on the cross and nothing of my own doing including my desire to follow Him.

So,  imagine my shocker when I receive contact on one of the dating sites from a man who is very liberal, his religion is science (facts and logic  he said), and he is a vegetarian.  I’ll give you a moment to laugh at the possible hail storm this sort of match up might be.  *moment*  Yes, my thoughts exactly.  ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME PAL????  Needless to say I said no thank-you, we have zero  in common.  He then wanted to get into a discussion about why I am conservative.  No thanks, blocked!  Opposites do attract at times, but rarely make it the long haul.  Not a chance.

BOTTOM FEEDERS

Oh if only some men had a clue.  Do I LOOK like I should be standing on a street corner in a mini-skirt, wearing entirely too much make-up, chewing my gum and strutting my stuff, “hey sailor, buy me a drink?” on my lips?  I should hope not, because if I do, I need to run for the convent.  I have SOME class!

I received an email today on one of the sites (one I pay for!):

Damn you’re sexy! let’s have dinner?

Yep, hold me back, hubba hubba….NOT!!!! I  suggested that he look at Adult Friend Finder or a swinger site, he is obviously clueless about class and relationships.  Can you say BOTTOM FEEDER???  Ah well, loads of toads in the  mix, but that is okay, I’m finding plenty of nice gents too.,

The Dating Diaries ~ First Date Story by Chuck

It should be noted that I may have to offer Chuck his own page on this blog.  I personally love  his style and humor, it plays well in the sandbox (he doesn’t throw the sand, smack others with his dump truck or shovel and bucket, and isn’t a cat so doesn’t view this as a litter box…we have good chemistry going here!)  I leave you this morning with Chuck, while I go find coffee and get a shower and get ready to take on this day….

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I have a first date story that I’d like to share.

Testing a comment made previously on this blogger’s site, I was compelled to test the “Welcome Home” theory.

My first date was walking into the appointed meeting place as I pulled up. Acting quickly, I beeped and waved. Well done me! She turned away from the door and started walking towards my car. My plan is working. I would much rather meet someone for the first time anonymously and away from others. There’s just something about meeting someone for the first time from a sitting position, a sitting in a restaurant or otherwise type of establishment that I’m uncomfortable with. As if one of us has been sitting there for a time alone has somehow drawn the attention of others. Hence, now our meeting is a show for the entertainment enjoyment of those already there and with someone! I’ve recognized those situations myself, and likewise take great interest in the opportunity to observe two strangers meeting.

So… as I got out my car and walked towards her in the relative anonymity provided by the establishment’s parking lot/building front my immediate thoughts were of her hair, her smile, and her eyes. Wild arse hair, great smile, and beautifully gifted eyes. I’m not one to ogle, so I didn’t check to see if the smile on her face went all the way to her toes as was claimed previously on this blogger’s site. However, I did note later when she showed me her lower back tat, the smile went at least that far… but I digress as is my tendency to do.

So back to my first meeting… As I approached, she smiled and held out her hand for the obligatory “shake”. I shook that off and went in for the ostensible “church hug”… after all, it was Sunday and no one refuses a church hug on Sunday. It has been my experience that “hello hugs”, while not necessarily taboo are generally not part of a “meeting you for the first time” greeting… at least in the virtual dating world. But that may have something to do with the virtual vs. actual touching thing where touching another person may absolutely ruin a good virtual experience. The hug was a bit awkward at first… I believe each of us had one arm up and one arm down but other than that, all I will say is that I was able to move my hands up and down her back a few times while contemplating the question, “do I feel ‘Welcome Home’?” Note I had driven an hour to get there and had just recently navigated a hairpin turn on a steep hill the likes of which have probably failed many an Oak Hills High School student driver. I won’t even mention the bus transfers, losing my luggage at the train station, and being pawed by the TSA lady I match dated once a few years back. Nonetheless, I knew for certain I was deep in the Westside… Like Charlie Sheen in Apocalypse Now, a near drop off from civilization… I think I smelled Indiana.

Again, back to “the hug” and the end of this story… what I felt is what I wanted to feel, and that was to be comfortable and comforted. That may sound strange but believe me it was exactly where I was at today. Maybe “Welcome Home” only happens at home… and I’m definitely okay with that concept. I also want to make one last point before going to bed (good thing I took a nap today… it will help at work tomorrow). She talks fast, upbeat, and with excitement… a conversational pace and style very similar to my own. Actually, even my use of the “ellipsis” or “…” in writing is simply a reflection of a conversational style of both wanting to provide further detail on a subject yet move on all at the same time (ADA, multitasking, call it what you will). But in general, the “…” notes that more was said or done in that interval and there may be more to come… which in case you’ve not been reading there is yet more to come…

The Dating Diaries ~ Post Game Commentary

Our boy, Chuck, may have been batting from the bottom of the order, but this player brings serious potential to the game and should be watched closely in the coming match ups.  In fact, he is being moved to the top of the batting order, the coaching staff doesn’t want to over look potential great talent.

He brings to the field a strong frame, tall and broad shouldered (always  a plus for this scout).  Great sense of humor, not shy, and intelligent, he is definitely very composed in the batters  box.  No strike outs  here, he cleanly hit  every pitch despite noting at game time that the pitcher could be trouble (more points).  :)  Very observant, took great notes before game time, stepped up to the plate and impressed the Marvelous one, this guy doesn’t miss a beat, he is more than big league material. He  has mischief in those great eyes, and I picked up on a playful streak too (bonus points on the  board!).

Certainly too early to know if  this player will make the team, but the scouts are very interested in seeing more of what he has to offer!  Yes, he will remain in the line up ;)

Beyond that, the Marvi one is just  a bit speechless (I know right, me at a loss for words????).

Stay tuned, you just know Chuck will have more to say, and the dialog will no doubt continue over the coming days before the next opening pitch of the next match up.

Play ball!

The Dating Diaries ~ Pre-Game Report

Pre-Game Report From Chuck:

On deck and batting at the bottom of the order… originally slated in the middle of lineup earlier this month, he’s just now returned after dealing with some personal issues. The scouts don’t really have a lot of data on this guy, playing at this level. He pretty much jumped the minors right out of college and is still waiting to have that break out season. His home run production has never lived up to expectations and that’s probably due to his tendency to always swing at the first pitch thereby leading to a higher than normal number of strikeouts (the last part of statement included simply to maintain continuity of the analogy :) ). But anyway, it seems pitchers have picked up those tendencies and exploited them whenever possible. He told me before the game that he’s really been working on his patience at the plate and that has led to a highly touted return to the lineup today. Patience being only one of many factors to consider, only some at bats will tell if he’s going to break out of his slump and live up to those earlier expectations.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Good morning, Chuck, and thanks for the pre-game report!

WOW you are on a roll today, my friend, and my brain is still on the first cup of coffee.

What our boy has learned through extensive practice and coaching, and assuming the stars are all in alignment, could not only pull him out of his slump, but quite possibly land that  home run and begin his best season ever!  He needs a slump buster, but not that typical kind normally associated with such turn arounds  (aren’t those very over weight ugly  types?).  No, he needs something very special, a rare gem, a true jewel.  One that ‘understands’ and ‘respects’ a player of his caliber. Someone who can throw exactly the pitch he needs and wants to help him prove he can exceed all expectations.  Those types of slump busters are more like mystical creatures, or fairies, sometimes they have to be seen to be believed.  But trust us, those little tiara wearing pixies are very real and if you can just believe in magic, it could be you will spot one in that undisclosed location today.  Trust your instincts, and be advised they usually wear a Reds jersey and are blondes ;) but don’t sport their tiara in public!

Time will tell of course, and as game time approaches today, I am quite certain everyone will be eagerly awaiting a post-game update on how our boy does!

The Dating Diaries ~ Hello Again, Chuck!

As you may recall, I  had been dialoging with a reader, named Chuck, who sought out my advice because I am a possible person of interest to him so damned brilliant, about asking me some doubtlessly magnificent chick out on a date.  He then took a hiatus for a reconnection with a past love, but he has returned to the dating scene and is back to corresponding with me via comments on blog posts.  He recently commented on my Letter To My Future Husband about our wedding vows.  As is the  case when Chuck leaves me a comment, I’m going to respond, because we have such fun doing this!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Marvelous, Sexy, Wonderfully Sweet Marti, (artistic liberty taken again)

So when you say those vows… try not to blink uncontrollably, as my 2nd and 3rd wife did (she was the same person… I shoulda known), as the uncontrollable blinking shows the whole sincerity part is already lost. But what do you do then? What do you do when you realize at the last possible moment you are alone at the alter. You move forward in your new marriage saying I can change that… that’s what I did anyway. From “for better…” to “…in health”.

Seriously though, those are some great vows… while I’ve not lived them perfectly myself, I have lived them and I do have those expectations for my future. What’s interesting about vows is that many people look at them as if they are just words in a sentence when it comes to their day to day lives. The concept of belonging to one another takes on a negative connotation… my future bride will read “Love and Respect”. And she will understand my basic need for respect as I understand her basic need for love. Sometimes I do not know if I’ll ever be up for that again, but if I found her, The One, all those doubts would fade away.  I’m absolutely certain that the doubts I have in others, that I carry on my shoulders like weights of gold vaulted up for protection, a sword held high and a shield held out will fall with a resounding crash to the earth and I will be whole again.  Oh yeh, another thing that will always be certain about my bride, she will like watching Red’s games on TV with me at sports bars and stuff!

Chuck

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Handsome Stranger,

Ah yes, those moments at the alter when everything in us screams run like hell yelling “no way, not happening, I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT”, and yet we stand there and say “I do”.    It sucks donkey jewels when we don’t listen to our inner voice,  doesn’t it?  Usually they are costly lessons, either of paying dearly for sticking with it or for letting go of the best thing that will ever happen to us. (many are the men that are thankful regret not hanging on to me, as I indeed am the worst nightmare best thing that can happen to any male of  the  species!)

Maybe we should get together and compare notes (strictly for research purposes of course)?  I know of some great sports bars that happen to air the Cincinnati Reds games.

Oh..and by chance is that book available on Kindle??  ;)

Your Favorite Go-To Girl With A  “Make them whole  again”  Glue Gun,

Marvi Marti

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

Today I am going to do a little Q & A session (that would be “question and answer” for those of you who, like me, discovered there was only enough leaded java in the house for ONE pot this morning, split between 3 women who would kill for less than a cup of coffee).  While I AM severely low on caffeine I will try ever so hard to answer this kind, new reader’s questions.  I’m helpful like that.  I know, you are impressed, right?

So, Chuck wrote the following comment on one of my entries:

Dear Most Incredibly Marvelous Martha, you goddess of all things Marvi, (okay he didn’t say that part but I’m taking artistic liberty here because, well, I can)

hmmm… This should be interesting. I just happen to run across your blog and noticed that you have a “dating dairies” section. I found it to be very interesting and thought maybe you could give me a few pointers. See, here’s my situation… I potentially may not know what I’m doing but I met this woman online last night, moments after I changed my profile to “view” from it being down for a while, her pic/profile popped up. I looked at her pics first… because that is the first litmus of whether to continue or not. After seeing she was quite beautiful in a variety of settings, I continued to read her profile. Well, to make a long story short we winked at one another, traded phone numbers, and friended ourselves on Facebook. She seems to be one of these creative types, good sense of humor, depth of character, and so on. Well, getting to the point here… what kind of places or activities might be appropriate for a first date with this type of woman, when might it be appropriate to ask her out? I’d be willing to let her pick the place, date, and time.

You adoring fan, (artistic liberty again)

Chuck

I think I should consult with my Crystal Ball but I cannot find the damn Magic 8 ball it is in the shop for a tune up so I’ll have to wing it.

*draws the blinds to darken the room, lights candles, begins rubbing temples, chanting “oh spirits, enlighten me with the answers for this kind gent”, face contorts a bit…*

The spirits tell me that there are several appropriate first date options here, as I can just tell this lady is simple in her tastes, and enjoys the opportunity for conversation.

A picnic would be one option.  A lady can tell a lot about a gentleman by what he packs  to take her to a park  to munch, sip and talk.

My guess is she is also a bit of a sport buff, and might enjoy taking in a Reds game, either in a nice little sports bar that serves good food,  or at a game if it isn’t too hot and humid.  After all, a princess doesn’t feel real attractive if she is sweating like a pig glistening in the sunshine.

Dinner and a few rounds of putt-putt and then ice cream can also be fun and amusing.

She likely enjoys concerts in the park, especially the Cincinnati Pops, though any band playing in a park usually is good with her.

I’m feeling she likes casual attire and relaxed settings.

I also feel her Sunday afternoon and evening might be free, or an evening next week.

and….. darn, the spirits are fading away….

*blows out candles, and opens the blinds*

There you have it, Chuck, the spirits have spoken.

Good luck to you, sir, though something tells me  the stars are in alignment in your favor!  *wink*