Tag Archives: cats

Monday Listicles – 10 Reasons Women Will Always Win

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10 Reasons Women Will Always Win

  1. The likelihood of tears getting us out of a speeding ticket is significantly higher.
  2. We just look better in our man’s dress shirt and nothing else than he does.  Slap on some lace top thigh highs and heels and we pretty much rule the world.
  3. If we get drunk and dance on the table tops or the bar, it’s hot.
  4. We never need to go have our backs waxed/shaved.
  5. We can own 2 cats and no one thinks twice.
  6. We get there SO much faster because asking for directions isn’t going to make us less of a woman.
  7. Sooner or later we always can get our way through pouting and nagging.
  8. In the event of an emergency that requires evacuation or lifeboats, we’re first!
  9. In a bar, we never have to have money, free drinks from strange guys are a given.
  10. When all else fails, we have boobs.

Dear Future Husband ~ More You Need To Know

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Dear Future Husband,

While you are out there waiting for me to find you, I thought of a few more things that might be good to put on the table, up front like, avoids unpleasant surprises.  

  • I am NOT a morning person.  In fact I am a bit of a grump when I wake up if it is not by my own choosing.  Until I have had  coffee and a shower, it is just best to give me my space and not bring up anything that might be upsetting to me. That would be just about anything other than “honey the coffee is ready and here is a cup just for you”.  It is nothing personal, my brain just doesn’t engage all that quickly in the morning.  Think ZOMBIE.
  • I am not one to eat first thing in the morning.  It upsets my stomach, so if you want to go to breakfast I need time to wake up.  Breakfast in bed is not a good idea unless I have had coffee and I’ve been awake for awhile.
  • I am very self conscious, so I will not go out without my makeup on.  It simply doesn’t happen.  I need 40 minutes from the start of my shower until I’m ready to roll out of the door.  That is actually rather impressive for getting clean, applying the face paint and doing up my golden locks.  Don’t whine.  Just let me hit the shower before you and it’s all good from there.  No, showering with me will not speed up the process though yes, that IS a lot of fun IF we have no where to be any time soon.
  • I love cats.  I WILL have cats and maybe a little Yorkie or Yorkie-Poo or Maltese.  Deal with it.  I am one bad relationship/heart break from owning 10 cats, so anything less than that just means I am stable and still love you.
  • I am fully aware of what will make my ass fat and cause the numbers on the scale to rise.  I am not trying to gain weight but when I feel like munching junk/comfort food, keep your unsolicited editorial comments to yourself.
  • I get PMS, sometimes worse than others, despite having had a hysterectomy.  Your best bet is to just stay out of my way.  Hug me…even if I am not huggable,  just do it.  Find me laying on the bed in the dark? Just wrap around me and I’ll calm down, it never lasts real long (12 hours?).  Ever seen the PMS episode of Everybody Love’s Raymond? WELL worth watching, she pales in comparison to my demon within, 2 parts below is the entire episode, consider it training…you’ve been warned:

Monday Memos

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Dear Self,

Staying up late all weekend will always equal a very tired Marti  come Monday morning.  Do not grumble at the coffee maker simply because you aren’t smart enough to know when enough is enough.   On the other hand, I’d love a do over with perhaps a minor modification, what a FANTASTIC time. :)

~*~

Dear Ditzy & Pixel,

Look cats, the bed is MINE.  It is only full size and therefore there is only so much room available.  I was here first.  I am happy to share the space if you insist on both sleeping with me but get this through your cute little heads, if I chose to change position and roll over, you are not owed a love fest for your inconvenience.   If this does not meet with your satisfaction there are 4 other beds in this house you can go snooze on!

~*~

Dear Mother Nature,

Enough with the duck weather already.  The backyard is in danger of swimming away and I melt in the rain as it is.  No, it is NOT the same thing as a hot tub.  That usually involves hot, relaxing water, not moisture that is cold and blowing in my face.

~*~

Dear Alarm Clock,

We need to talk.  I cannot hold you responsible for the time I request to be awake each morning.  However could you possibly change your approach?  That loud, annoying noise you make has to go.  I’d like it replaced with a sexy, male voice that will gently coax me awake…something like “come on beautiful, time to wake that sexy self up and saunter out of bed to the shower….”.  I expect this from now on!  Bonus points for a French accent.

~*~

 

I AM A PROUD MEMETASTIC!!!!!

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MEMETASTIC!!!

‘M’ over at The Professionally Insane, gave me this awesome award yesterday!

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I have to say this is absolutely the cutest  award I’ve received!  This award is a fun one! In order to claim this award, it requires a cunning, and finely tuned skill : lying fabricating fibbing creative embellishment…

As a condition of my acceptance of this award I have to demonstrate my supurb skills by writing five facts about myself.  Four of these ‘facts’ have to be  ficticious deceptions   enhanced realities (some grain of truth but a lot of enhancements!).  But somewhere among the lies fibs fabrications falsehoods AHEM *cough*cough* ::crossing fingers behind back::  embellishments, will be one solid truth.

The next part of this acceptance is that I have to pass this onto five other bloggers. 

SO feel free to comment and let me know which fact is NOT embellished and is in fact, 100% true!  I’ll post answers this weekend!

TRUE OR GREATLY EMBELISHED FALSE?

:)   Everyone who reads my posts knows that I am a reformed cat hater.  Call me the Crazy Cat Lady, I love the little fur balls now.  We have 3 cats in our home, all females.  While we aren’t overly picky about which breed of feline we have, we insist that they all have to be polydactyl cats!  Yes each of our kittens has more than the normal amount of toes on their paws!  Usually cats have 5 toes on their front paws, ours have 6 or 7 depending on the cat.  Nothing normal about the Diva Den, why would we have normal cats?

:)   I love being pampered, and one of the ways in which I pamper myself is getting my nails done.  I have had acrylic nails nearly ongoing for about 7 years now.  I never got pedicures often, too expensive and frankly I don’t have real cute feet so why draw attention to them was my thought.  Recently I noticed a trend at the nail salon in which women are getting acrylic nails on their feet!!  I finally gave in and decided I have nothing to lose so had them done on my toes.  For the first time I feel like I have great feet, all nicely painted on those picture perfect, acrylic nails.  Now, I love my feet, and if it was not so cold I’d have flip flops on already to show them off!

:)   Two of my supporting cast, my brother Mike, and his wife, Trina, are actually both my cousins.  Mike is a cousin from my mom’s side.  His mom was one of my mother’s first cousins who was pregnant out of wedlock.  She wanted to keep him in the family, but was unable to raise him.  My parents adopted him and raised him as their own.  Trina is one of my cousins, our dad’s are brothers.  They always had a special friendship and attraction to each other growing up.  As an adult, Mike consulted with a lawyer and found that because he was a second cousin to us siblings, and not a birth child of my parents, he and Trina were not related and therefore not really cousins.  They have been happily married for 18 years and have 2 kids. So, my sister-in-law is also my cousin, and my niece and nephew are actually like 2nd cousins once removed or something weird like that.

:)   In a bizarre twist of fate, we grew up with a cousin as a neighbor and never knew it.  The boy behind us was around the age of one of my brothers when we were growing up.  I received a friend request from him all these years later, and did not recognize his name any longer.  He told me that he was my cousin, and had grown up in the house behind us.  I thought it was a stalker at first, since I knew the kid behind us and they were not related to us.  Turns out, my dad’s cousin had given birth out of wedlock and placed him for adoption.  All that time growing up we had a cousin living there and playing with my brothers and never knew it!

:)   One time when getting my nails done, it was taking longer than anticipated at the salon due to a high volume of customers.  I was last in line so when my now ex-husband came to pick me up they had just started my nails.  He was irritated by the delay so I convinced him, with a little help from the nail tech that was now free, to get a pedicure.   He finally gave in and found out it was a rather NICE experience.  If you have ever had one, you know that they will put clear polish on your toe nails if you aren’t having color done.  After some teasing he acquiesced and let them paint his toe nails bright red.  He has worn them red, to my knowledge, ever since.  Turns out he found having his toe nails colored was a kind of turn on for him.

Okay, now it is time to present this award to 5 other bloggers that I follow!  In no particular order mind you, just others I LOVE to creep on!

Julie – byanyothername

Cinnamon – Cinful Cinnamon’s Blog

Beth – Two Monkeys & A Washtub

Pinkim – Truly Simply Pink

Oka – The One and Only Oka

Enjoy ladies!!! Cannot wait to see your facts!

On The Brink Of Being A Cat Lady

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I seriously did not understand that statement, “I’m one bad relationship from owning 10 cats” until now.  At least from my own point of view I totally get it.

I am a reformed cat hater, not a cat lady as I only have one, let’s be clear on that point.  Cat ladies are crazy, have more cats than they can manage and they seem to live in a complete fantasy land talking to the walls.  Not going to lie, I’m probably a hell of a lot closer to that than  I know, but not THERE yet!  I hated cats with a passion, the only good one was a dead on in my opinion.  Don’t get me wrong, I thought kittens were adorable and loved to cuddle one, but the little flat faced fur balls grow up and become cats.

Cats are assholes, that simple, at least that was my take on them.  The only cat I really spent much time with (because they make my eyes water, my nose stuffy and I sneeze around them) was my dad’s cat, Spook.  We lived there for a while with our kids when my daughter was a baby, and I came to really despise that damn feline.  He tried to kill me on the steps every morning, would knock everything off of my dresser in our bedroom every single day, and once in a while would puke up a hairball in a nasty mess by my side of the bed.  Oh the joy of stepping in what felt like cold oatmeal in the morning.  The little f*cker hated me and it was mutual, I wanted to send him to his maker.  I thought about stuffing him down the laundry shoot but he actually thought it was a lot of fun sliding down it (I swear he tried it on his OWN) so that wasn’t going to do the trick.  My brother and his wife  lived there too, (by the way, just piece of advice, 3 households under one roof does NOT work – but that is another blog), with their deaf boxer.  Stone deaf boxer, Lance.  Lance rocked as far as dogs go, all white and immune to baby cries.  He tolerated my baby daughter crawling all over him, yanking and chewing on his ears, even stuffing dum-dum suckers  up his nose (she tried to share from her walker and missed a few times).  One time when dad was away on a vacation, we all had entirely too much fun at Spook’s expense.  Because Lance could not hear, he was fascinated by lights.  Enter me, Pete, Mike and his wife, Trina, a laser pointer, Lance, Spook and a few too many beers.   We spent the evening shining the little red dot on the cat and watching the dog chase after him, terrorizing him.  Believe me, the damn cat had it coming to him, he tormented poor Lance enough that paybacks were over due.  It was great fun.

Anyway, where was I…oh yes…I HATED cats.  Then, when in the midst of my biggest emotional crisis my baby sister decided what I needed was a kitten.  Diva Boo is one of the most generous of people, and will go far out of her way and budget to try to mend broken hearts or make someone feel better.  So she found this rescue kitten, born and abandoned in a sewer and bottle fed for 4 weeks.  Because we are the Diva Den, only females are permitted to live in our house, so she was in search of a girl kitty.  For my 47th birthday she brought me a kitten.  She knew I needed a focus, someone or something that needed love and nurturing, something or someone that needed me.  She was an extremely tiny little thing, smaller than her brothers that had survived (some of the litter perished in the sewer), the runt of her family.  I fell in love.  With a cat.  OMG WTF!!   Noel hated her at first, dribbling her little kitten head on the floor at every opportunity, trying to strangle her, shove her down steps etc.  Poor Pixel (her name as she was just this tiny black dot) was still walking like a toddler, all awkward and goofy, and all she wanted to do was play with Noel.  Sometime in the first two weeks Noel’s mothering instincts kicked in and she tried to step in as mommy to Pixel.  While she has taught my baby all she needs to know about being a cat (and a lot I wish she had NOT shared), Pixel still views me as her mama.  Our vet warned she would go one of two directions because of her bottle raising, either she’d NOT get along with people and avoid them, or she’d bond to me like glue.  Thankfully she stuck to me.  So much so that when I call her at night she runs to my room, jumps up on the bed and curls up against my head to sleep.  If my hand is on the pillow she lays her paw on it, or wraps her front paws around my wrist and rests her head in the palm of my hand. WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?????  She made me a cat lover.

Caring for her has been one of the best medicines I could ask for when it comes to healing my broken heart.  I understand pet therapy now, it really does help to have something to pet, love on, and care for.  HOWEVER, this scares the shit out of me.  2 marriages done, gone and history now.  The first one…that one was ALL him and the JK’s Ex Wives Club (he is on marriage #5) can attest to it, he was a mean drunk, an alcoholic with a violent streak.  It was short lived.  The second I won’t bore you with just look under the heading of my divorce on my side bar if you are a new follower.  It lasted 23 years, almost, and was my total world.  (23 years TODAY  in fact, happy un-anniversary Chef Piere!!! Best of luck, in all seriousness, in finding happiness.  I sincerely hope you are able to find her out there) The ending of that chapter of my life was a real challenge to me mentally and emotionally.  I seriously would NEED 10 rescue kittens to help me go through anything like that again.  Honestly could have done with them this time, and while at least 2 of the Divas would have scrambled to find those needy kittys, Diva Mom would have never allowed it, and it takes all 5 Divas (see My Supporting Cast) votes of ‘yes’ on something of that nature.  Diva Sarah would have held out of a dog, so no more cats.

NO more long term, committed relationships. NONE, ZIP, NADA, not going to happen.  I cannot afford 10 damn cats, my allergies cannot handle more than the one sleeping with me now and the other that resides in our home.  I’m not sure that my mind can handle another major heart break like that without me turning into one of those crazy ladies, cats all over, talking to the tea pot and giggling to myself.  NO not going to happen, I am but one bad relationship from owning 10 cats.


I’m A Reformed Cat Hater

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Any conditioned cat-hater can be won over by any cat who chooses to make the effort.
Paul Corey

I love that quote! And yes I am now a reformed cat hater.   Yesterday for my birthday my sister got me an 8 week old kitten.  In some light she appears black, in other light the markings of a deep brown tabby cat are evident and she is about the color of Karo corn syrup.  Because she is so tiny I named her Pixel.

Being so little and young she was very scared and I could not get her to sleep in her bed. Oh she loved it as long as I was up and moving around, but then she cried when I got in bed and came and sat there looking up at me in the night light, meowing.  I tried giving her the t-shirt I had on yesterday and that worked for about 5 minutes before she was back at the side of the bed.  Her little cry got to me so she ended up curled up against my chest for the night.  This made her happy if that is what the purring meant.  It was a safe, warm place for her.  Trouble is she woke during the night and thought it should be play time.  She would nibble and paw at my chin and fingers, then try to walk up my pillow and sit on my hair.  After retrieving her a few times she would nuzzle in again and go back to sleep, only to wake up a few hours later and start over.  I am a bit sleepy to say the least.

I left her with her litter box, which amazes me that she knows what to do with it, food, water and her bed with my t-shirt then closed the door and headed to work.  She will be safest in my room where Noel, the big cat, cannot bother her.  Noel is not impressed and tried to dribble Pixel’s head on the floor a few times and hissed at her.  Because Pixel still has claws I am hoping she takes a swipe at Noel’s nose and that ends the harassment.  Meanwhile I am sure that as soon as any of the Divas arrive home they will have Pixel in their laps or playing with her toys on the floor.

So me who hated cats, then grew to actually like Noel, now has my own cat and I’m falling in love with the adorable little bundle already.  Thankful I am for allergy meds which will allow her to be close to me, and lint rollers for removing traces of her from my bedding and clothes.

I think she is precious and I think loving an animal is great therapy for a broken heart. Therefore, since I am one bad relationship from owning 10 cats it is all the more reason NOT to get emotionally involved again.

Meow…


T.G.I.F. Ramblings…

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I’ve said it before,  having a job makes Friday mean something again!  It is the final day of the work week and I am very happy about that.  Don’t get me wrong, I very much love my job and the folks I work with day to day, but the weekend always is a welcome change to the routine.  I like getting to wake up when I feel like it on Saturdays, and staying up late on Friday night  without having to worry about being sleepy in the morning.

This past week has been adjustment time, getting used to sleeping in a different home, a new room, new noises in the night, driving a new route to work and living with 4 other women.  The work route really hasn’t been a big deal, takes an extra five minutes to get home but that is hardly noticed in the commute.  The new room and night sounds have not been an issue, I sleep very deep and short of the Rumpke truck on the street at 4:20am this morning (is it really necessary to start so darn early???) and a stray, severe thunderstorm Wednesday night, I’ve slept just fine.  My bed is wonderfully comfortable and the gentle breeze across the bed from the window has been outstanding.

I’ve said this before too, I hate cats.  The only good cat in my opinion is a dead one, unless you have a farm and they are barn cats perhaps.  My niece’s cat, Noel, is growing on me, however, and is the only exception to date on the disdain for felines.  She is a very beautiful cat, shades of gray with darker gray stripes and beautiful green eyes that clearly show her unending curiosity.  She is only about 7 months old so she is still a kitten at heart and loves to play.  We stalked and chased each other this morning while I was getting ready for work, much to her delight.  Okay I will admit I too was enjoying the game.  Her collar has a little bell on it so I had the advantage in the game when she thought she was in stealth mode.  I often find her laying on my windowsill watching the world go by outside.  She loves an open window and mine is most often open as I love the fresh air even on a chilly night.  The only thing I truly find irritating is that she sheds, leaving her calling card on my desk chair, and I am allergic to her so if I forget to take my allergy medication I am miserable.  But I keep a lint roller near by so it isn’t all bad, and so far so good on the meds.

It is amazing how different a household functions when it is all women.  Dinner dishes are a group effort, everyone clearing, someone rinsing and loading the dishwasher, pans get washed and dried and things are quickly cleaned up and put away.  No need to ask, it just happens.  Someone always notices the litter is in need of changing, or sweeping around the litter box is needed, laundry gets done regularly by whoever happens past the laundry room, the vacuum gets ran, anything that needs attention just seems to happen.  There is order.  Not necessarily peace, as the 16 and 19 year old have their ‘moments’  but there is order!

Last night we had our first gal-pow-wow to discuss  projects around the house.  Every0ne chimed in with things we know need to be done, like replacement windows, tile etc, then we all discussed which needed the attention first. At the end we tossed any thing on the discussion table we thought needed to be addressed that wasn’t a major project.  No arguing just discussion about things to ensure the household runs smoothly, and it all went well.  This living arrangement is great and seems to be working for all involved which is rather nice.  We’ve been in the house exactly 7 days today and already it feels like this is how it has always been.

This coming week the painting will take place and I cannot wait!  I love my new bedding, my room is so nice and the paint I’ve picked will be beautiful and complete the look. Well almost, I need a black mini blind to really set off the curtains but that will be ordered this weekend. I love my new room, it is my haven when I need some me time.

This morning had the potential to be a disaster for my great mood but thanks to the ex it got righted.  Seems the car battery decided it was time to give up the ghost and of course this was discovered when it was time to leave for work.  Out of habit I texted Pete  and told him the battery was dead.  He came over and jumped me and told me he’ll handle getting a new one tomorrow, but suggested I take his jumper cables in case I need a jump to get home because he doesn’t want to drive 45 minutes to assist me later today.  Okay so I’ve been calling him ‘dickhead’ but I gotta be fair he is a good guy and it was nice of him to come rescue me this morning which I greatly appreciated.

In the moving process I lost something that I am not missing one bit, five more pounds!  My jeans are even loser now and when the next five drops off it will be time for a few new pair.  I haven’t been trying to get weight off lately, but all the trips up and down steps and carrying boxes then watching more closely what I eat has helped.  It doesn’t hurt that this house is so big, a walk to my room from the kitchen is indeed a walk, as is a run down to the laundry room.  No matter where we go in the house steps are involved.  NO COMPLAINTS here, all that distance is doing me good and I am happy about it.  Last night my sister-in-law walked over with the twins and she mentioned it is exactly half a mile to their house.  I will be walking over there and back a lot this summer rather than driving, and walking down to the park to hike the 3 miles of trails in the woods.  I need the exercise and those trails through the woods are beautiful.  My son’s former fiance, and still close friend to our family, lives down the street and loves to walk so I have no doubt that I will have a willing buddy for hiking.

One of my favorite bars is about a half mile away, Linnie’s Pub.  They have a nice outdoor area out back with cornhole boards, and inside is just one of those nice, neighborhood bars where you are bound to run into someone you know.  It will become our regular hang out this summer and in fact we plan to start stopping in this weekend.  Oh we’ll still hit The Pirate’s Den and J’s Sports Bar when TimePiece or Chuck Brisban and The Tuna Project are playing, but our hangout of choice is going to be Linnie’s.  Oh and to all my friends that like to head north to the ‘country club’, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon!

Random question of the day:  If you could snap your fingers and appear somewhere else, where would you be?

At this moment if I snapped my fingers and could appear somewhere else it would be on the deck at home.  The backyard is up against woods and is frequented by deer.  It is very shady on the deck as we have a lot of trees around the house and it is very quiet there.  It is my favorite place to have coffee in the evenings and soon on weekend mornings when weather is in our favor.  Being at home on the deck with a cup of coffee just sounds wonderful right now.

Okay enough rambling for now. No doubt more to come later.