Category Archives: The Dating Diaries

The Dating Diaries ~ Is It Love Or Just Insanity?

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I will let you be the judge, but frankly I know the answer.  A whole lot of love with a pinch of insanity tossed in for fun!

This past weekend was supposed to be a long ride to Pittsburgh for another chapter’s up-date.  Last week on Tuesday my  honey took off for points south to bury a fellow brother in the biker club.  While on the return, scenic route home they learned another brother had died in an accident in Memphis and they turned around and headed that way.  My baby put 2500+ miles on the road.  Because the funeral was going to be Saturday, it meant I wasn’t going to see him after all.  I suddenly realized just how much I really do love him already,  I was hurting with him so far away, and couldn’t stand it.  So, I contacted one of his brotherhood and asked him to find me a way down to Memphis with them, I just had to be with him.

That is how I ended up first sitting in a rest area for nearly 3 hours.  The group was meeting up with members of other chapters there, then riding toward Memphis together.  My poor mom was sure I was  going to be an episode of Criminal Minds, leaving me in a rest area by the high way, subject to anyone that came along.  She should have seen who came and picked me up!  They would have scared most looking at them. And yet I was completely safe and protected in their midst.

I got on the back of a Harley Sportster with someone who had a name that included ‘Crazy’ as a part of it and headed for Memphis.  I caught site of the speedometer once, we’ll just leave it at they ride fast and cover miles very quickly.  Kind of ride like they stole the bikes.  But I didn’t care, I was headed to my honey and couldn’t get to him fast enough.  Several stops for gas and food along the way, before we rolled in to Jackson, Tennessee and got hotel rooms.  I had hoped  for straight to  Memphis, but now  I’d have to wait one more  night!  :(  I did not complain, they had taken me this far, ensured I was warm (I was given a coat to wear at one point despite saying I was fine – must have been obvious I was freezing).  One of the guys made sure I got to my room then told me that under no circumstances was I to open my hotel room door for  anyone other than my man or him.  If anyone came to my door I was to call his phone immediately and keep the door locked.  I felt like I had body guards!  They are seriously protective of their own and each others women.

I did not sleep well, I was longing for my man, it was 3am when I was  all checked in, and I was  in a strange place.  But  I did the best I could and still refused to whine about it.  I even had to go all ninja on a giant June Bug, biggest one I had ever seen, that snuck in to the room with me, without any assistance.  It is now a long gone smoosh,  ha!

The next morning we headed to the funeral home to meet up with the rest and attend the funeral in Memphis.  I was like a caged animal waiting for my honey, I just needed one good hug and I knew I’d be okay.  The wife of the chapter’s VP  gave me a big hug and said she knew it wasn’t the same but she’d hug me for the time being.   She is awesome.  I finally got  to see  him, got  my big hug, and then, as he is a probate at this point, had to wait for later to have him to myself.  I will leave out the details, but it was a wild night once we landed behind closed doors.

Coming home, while it is fast miles under the tires, I felt  so much better.  I was  wrapped around my man this  time.  One small mishap after we got into Kentucky resulted in my backpack and our helmets vanishing off the bike on to the highway but still, I cannot whine or complain.  It could have been worse, had I been leaning back I’d have been off the back and under cars and trucks, so no big deal.  Just some clothes, makeup and my Kindle.   I have what I want.

What do I want? A man, a REAL man, who is strong, tough, a bad boy, but a good man, who loves me as I am and doesn’t want me to change one bit.  He doesn’t care that I like to put pink in  my hair, he thinks anything I do is hot and doesn’t give a hoot what color I wear  it or  if I cut it all off.  Ink?  OH he  loves that I want more  and is designing my next tattoo.  He doesn’t care if I have on my makeup or if  I’m just rolling out of bed with an award winning bed head style, he tells me he thinks I am beautiful.  He doesn’t care that I have a temper, he likes knowing his woman can take care of herself and hold her own.  He loves that I can dress up and be a totally class act from head to toe, or dress down in raggy jeans, a tank top,  rolling on the back of his Harley and cuss to the point of making a trucker blush.  He loves that I am a lady, and yet a bad girl.  And that I can be a little freaky now and then too.  He even loved  that I rolled 1000 miles this weekend and never complained even when, after the mishap, I had to hang  on so tight without support behind me at 85-90mph,  that my leg muscles locked up and I needed help getting on and off the bike, in so much pain I wanted to cry.  I kept my big girl panties on and just rolled  with it.

So, when nationals come along, and he is fully patched this summer….yes there are wedding bells in the  Marvelous one’s future.  As in this summer, at Nationals if the plans come together. That or as soon as we return home.

Is it fast? You bet. But then at just a month shy of turning 49, and two marriages and a bunch of ex loves under my belt, I know what I want, I’ve been looking  for this for a long time.  He feels the same.  Even have the rings picked out already, the inscriptions for the rings, and the vows.  We both waited way too long to find someone that didn’t want to treat us like a menu, where they could pick the parts  they wanted and have the rest held back.   We know the good, the bad and the ugly of each other, and it’s perfectly okay with us that the other is perfectly imperfect.

The Dating Diaries ~ Of Judging Others

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Things have progressed fast and furious with The Biker.  It’s what happens when you put together a hurricane of a man with a tornado of a  woman.  But it’s like when you stick two negative numbers together you get a positive, a concept I simply do not grasp.  The two titanic size personalities we possess make for quite the equal match.

He is very intelligent, articulate and creative.  This Navy vet has raised his hand and served his country 4 times.  He is patriotic to a fault.  And his heart carries a thousand scars to match the  ones he has from serving his beloved country.  As I mentioned before, he is the most generous person, giving anything he has for another in need.  He takes in stray people and gets them back on the rails again.  He will fight against wrong, and beside those  in the right.  Meet him outside of the biker image, when he is working, you’d never guess the other part of his life. Or when he is sharing the gospel with a street person or someone else.

He is a biker.  A member of what some would call an outlaw motorcycle gang.  It’s a club, not a gang.  And  he is his own man.   He has no criminal record, lives within the laws even the ones he  thinks are absurd.  Decked out in his leather, yes he appears intimidating.  He runs with a rough and rowdy crowd.  But he is still himself within their ranks.  In talking to my daddy it was discovered that in 30+ years of law enforcement he never had a run in with this group the Biker calls ‘family’.

A few have judged him based on other’s actions.  Not everyone that wears the colors is a good person.  But then,  not every cop, firefighter, lawyer, housewife, teacher etc are good people  either.  Teachers  with sex charges against minors doesn’t mean all teachers are bad.  Just because a good number of priests have molested young boys doesn’t make all in that calling a pedophile.  Everyone who lives on “the other side of the tracks” isn’t a generational welfare drain.  Just because someone is of any race, color, profession, ethnic origins…whatever it is they are, doesn’t make them bad because a  handful  of others  are that happen to carry the same label.   I  HATE STEREOTYPING!!!  I believe in judging another for their own character and heart.

MANY cops and fire fighters I know will  have a few  too many and drive, but those that judge my Biker still run with them.  Last time I checked, DUI is still illegal, a crime, so your badge brothers are criminals that just haven’t been  caught.  Just because a few go bad doesn’t taint the whole profession.

I’ve been told how trashy women are who have tattoos by someone sitting across from me who would tell you I am all class.  All the while  they had no clue this classy chick has some ink, some pretty decent sized pieces.  I have more class in my little finger than the one judging me that is ink-less.  Kiss my ass for judging ME.  Yes you did judge me, though you know nothing of those tattoos, you’re judgement would be there had you known of my expressive art work rather than  taking time to know me.  I was judged for my nose ring by the Count’s mama.  Not harshly but it was mentioned to him.  Again, kiss my ass.

I’m angry yes.  I was judged for  my lifestyle when I was a swinger.  That judgement came based on swingers who did do drugs, and other less than savory behavior, a good deal of it illegal.  But I was not like that, and I did not appreciate those that would judge me for it.  It frankly pissed me off.  I don’t like my Biker judged.  I’ve taken time to learn who he is, and that man has a heart of  gold.  Yes, I checked him out, he has no secrets, no record, nothing to hide.

I am aware of my children being far less than thrilled in my choice.  I’m sorry that they pass judgement on someone that  they do not even  know, based on the patches on his vest.  It is their loss.  He will protect them as they are my family, because that is his heart.  They matter to me so they matter to him.  His ‘family’ matter to me as well.  I judge each individually on their own merit,  not the actions of those that have chosen  to go wrong.

The Marvi one is about  to turn 49 years  old.  She is done raising her children,  they are adults now.  I am divorced and therefore free to be ME for the first time in my life.  For 2 years now I’ve dug out ME from under  everyone else’s idea of who and what I should be.  I have a big heart, I took in strays, I am a sinner saved by God’s grace.  I’m soft on the inside but I’m tough on the outside.  And I am at a stage  in my life to make choices for MY happiness.  And the  Biker makes me very very happy.  He doesn’t want to put me in a cage or a box,  he wants to be  wind beneath my wings, support my business and encourage me to just be me.  He wants to fly side by side with me.

I am sorry that some will not get  to know him and judge this man as an individual.  It is their loss.  I am not passing up happiness because someone else doesn’t “approve”.  I’m done playing that game.  I’ve spent nearly my entire life living per someone else’s standards.  Now it is MY turn, I get to live by my own.  Mine are a man with a big ass heart,  who reads God’s Word, tries his best to live that Word, who loves me,  protects me,  would provide for my every need if I let  him, who let’s me be me from my nose ring, to more ink, to pink streaks in my crazy auburn hair. Who supports MY dreams and desires, who wants to be a team, wants a partner, a companion. A man who works hard (he is a fair,  honest, but ruthless business man) for what he has, and wants to share it all with me.

He has indeed used the ‘M’ and ‘W’ words (marriage,  wife) *shudder* but knows that is down yonder road, I’m not ready.  He tells me every day how much he adores me.  Yes he uses that word along with ‘love’.  He wants to take time to be sure I am real, that this strong, bull headed, stubborn, short fused, giggly, wacky, marvelous, intelligent, sleeps with a teddy bear woman who snores like a freight  train is not just putting on a good act.  He has read damn near every blog post I’ve written, now he wants to be sure that the writer is everything she seems.  Multi-faceted, moody, free flying, free spirited, deeply emotional, jealous and possessive, open and caring, all he  has found within my pouring out my heart in my writings.  One of my Divas has  told him, yes that is the woman sitting next  to you, it is really her heart and mind in those writings.  They are cautiously optimistic, they don’t want to see me hurt again.  He says I am him, with a vagina, the female version of himself.

He knows what he was looking for, and feels he found it in me. He asks me all the time where I’ve been hiding.  I wonder the same thing about him.  My bad boy/good man with a heart the size of Texas.

Go on, judge him.  Hopefully in time you will see he makes me happy, loves me, and that very good men wear those patches.  Until then, it is your loss.

The Dating Diaries ~ Taking Down Walls From Inside Out

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I just got home from an amazingly superb weekend.

Remember The Biker?  He scaled the wall of my garden, not bothering to  knock at the gate.  He met me years ago, and has spent the past 4 or so years just observing me and watching me from a distance.  Twice I’ve been very close to going to work for his company.  He decided the time is right and came over the wall, and has started taking a sledge hammer  to that wall from the inside out.

Yes, he IS a biker, the real deal.  He is a bad boy, rebel type.  He is a very good man.

If you met him some days you’d see a business owner, professional and polite to his customers.  Demanding but fair  with his employees.  Very much a type ‘A’ personality, driven and determined.  An  extremely generous and kind soul that would give someone his last dollar and the shirt off of his back if they were in need.  You would see a man that bought stuff from a ‘homeless’ down trodden man today because the poor soul needed money.  And then this man that carries his Bible everywhere he goes, took time to share Christ with the guy who was down on the luck.  I listened to him speak of his Lord and Savior and it was quite apparent that he is a man with a heart that follows Christ.  He talked of his work with troubled youth, trying to help get them on the right path in life.  Seeing this side of him you’d be quite taken.  I watched his friend’s children jump into his arms and hug this gorilla  like teddy bear of a guy.

See him in his  leathers and he  might scare you.  He looks ‘shady’ to many, and because he is a biker they assume the worst.  And yet walking  through a store I watched children who are complete strangers to him ‘knock the rock’ /fist bump him, smile at him and adore this gentle giant.  While waiting to meet up with friends one evening outside of a bar, as a really questionable looking guy was walking my way,  The Biker stepped between me and the on comer in a very casual, non-threatening way to put his protective self between this individual and me.  When someone became drunk and disorderly at the bar later, I watched him get up, talk with the bar tender, then gently, yet firmly,  help this obnoxious guy on his way out of the door.

I was treated like  royalty.  I’ve never known such a gentle touch.  I listened to someone share and pour  out his heart, I looked into the eyes of a gentle giant who, like me, is a free spirit, does his own thing, within the limits of the law, and who thinks I am, and I quote, “beautiful, adorable, a princess, a flower, a great woman and person”.  My needs and wants came first.  He wants to not watch me soar, but wants to fly next to me.  He adores my spunk, my ‘attitude’, my curvy self, everything.

If  this is a dream….I don’t want to wake up!

The Dating Diaries ~ What I Am Seeking

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The Biker made mention to me that my blogs are full of things I do NOT want and that I am NOT looking for in a relationship, but not much regarding what I am seeking.

SO…here are SOME of the many things I’ve saved that describe exactly what it is I’ve been holding out for, someone unique and unconventional,  someone like myself.

The Dating Diaries ~ The Biker And The Garden Wall

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Over the weekend I had a chance to enjoy some throttle therapy in the company of a really wonderful man, we’ll call him The Biker.

Now,  I’ve known who he was for a long time, and even recently began friendly chat and banter.  Then, after becoming an avid reader of Marvi Marti, he suggested a day of riding and enjoying one another’s company.  I had one of the  single best,  most enjoyable days in I cannot begin to remember.  Okay with the possible exception of when I was getting off the back of his Harley, got my foot caught and fell backward, sustaining a concussion. BUT I am okay.

Some might wonder, since he is a biker, as in the real deal not a weekend road riding Harley owner, if I have completely knocked all sense loose.  I rather prefer to say I knocked some IN to my rather hard head.  His heart is made of gold and I’ve never known anyone quite like him.  But that is all I’m going to reveal for now.

As for the garden gate and him having a key? He chose to scale the wall, rather unconventional, and totally got my attention. Imagine that.

I think he could have written this song.   I always  have had a thing for the bad boy/rebel types.

(Oh  and it is NOT my video, I just borrowed it, as it has the  lyrics, and I LOVE the lyrics and the perfect fit to The Biker)

The Dating Diaries ~ Prerequisites

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Now yes, I have taken this year off and shelved dating for 2012, but I shelved my nails too and those are back.  But I’m not in any rush to un-shelve the whole dating fiasco, still working on ME.  However it doesn’t mean that I cannot be mapping the necessary requirements for consideration when the time comes to submit one’s dating resume.  Right?

 

Shortly after my divorce was final, I had posted 10 Qualifications For A Frog Prince With Benefits, mostly in fun, as I was NOT really seeking anyone, and figured if I did anything it would be a friend with benefits.  Fate showed me once again that it is impossible for men and women to be just friends if it is just the two of them and not couple to couple friends, because over time attraction will grow. And then things happen.  But looking back the qualifications, should I ever decide to come out of dating retirement, would apply for a REAL relationship:

QUALIFICATIONS FOR FROG PRINCE WITH BENEFITS A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

  1. Transportation: Having a car is a must for a FPWB – a Princess doesn’t use public transportation.  She also does not ‘pick up’ the Prince, that is his job.  The Princess is supposed to grace the passenger seat of the carriage of the Prince with her beauty.
  2. Motorcycle: Should the FPWB also happen to own a motorcycle, he gains instant bonus points, as the Princess loves the position of fender fluff behind her Prince, wrapped around him.
  3. Fashion sense: is a must!  Men in midriff tops is NEVER acceptable!  Know what to wear and when to wear it! If you are in danger of friends/family calling in Stacy and Clayton from TLC’s What Not To Wear, don’t bother applying.
  4. Football Fan: You must be a football fan, as the Princess loves football! Bengals fans get highest marks, Colts behind them.  Ravens and Browns fans will be judged on a case by case basis, Steelers fans need not bother applying, it is grounds for REJECTION OF APPLICATION on the spot!
  5. Hygiene: Learn about it! Brush your teeth, shower and use soap and water, trim the tree and shave the jewels, and for the love of St. Peter if you can clearly shave numbers in your back hair, get a waxing! (hairy chests on the other hand are MORE than acceptable!
  6. Playful: A guy in touch with his inner child, that can have FUN with a little water fight with the hose, snowball fights, some friendly wrestling over the TV remote (you must, of course, throw the match as Princess must always win).  Princess is playful and possesses a sense of humor.  If you lack these qualities, hop over to someone else’s pond please or contact your Fairy Godmother for assistance.
  7. FOOD SENSE: Chips and dip does not qualify as tailgate or picnic food.  Princess likes both of those activities and expects you will have enough brains to know what to bring or how to use Google if not!  Her first and favorite test is a picnic in the park of her choosing to get to know you, what you pack for her to enjoy will tell her a lot about you! (this includes accessories needed for said adventure)
  8. Time Management: Princess is a very busy lady, her schedule books in advance.  While you may get lucky with last minute arrangements, it is best to book her time well ahead of the event.  Oh, and she frowns on cancellations and no shows, so don’t do it unless you want off the A-List.
  9. Cyber Savvy Flirt: The Princess likes a man who knows how to get her attention with a text or an email now and then, after all, she believes the world revolves around her. Oh wait, in HER universe it does, get used to it.
  10. NO Limp Shrimp!: Princess enjoys sex.  In fact that is the benefit side of this arrangement.  She couldn’t care less if you get your trout stout with or without a little blue pill, just make sure your one eyed dragon is alive and in the game when she is ready.

I also will want information on any applicant’s astrological sign.  If you have been following me for any length of time, you know that there are just certain guys that will never have a snow balls chance in hell.  I didn’t heed the compatibility stuff with The Count, and learned my lesson once again.  NO one born under the signs of Aquarius, Scorpio, or Leo need apply.  It is NOT going to happen. Period. End. Of. Discussion.

Another pre-req will be the out come of the 41Q Personality test.  Maybe.  Just humor me okay?  If you take the test and are interested, comment and use the 8 digit number it gives you at the end of the profile and I’ll post our compatibility results. Below is the screen shot of mine, without the number (no cheating!).  :)   It’s just for fun because I get asked so much when I’m going back on the market.  Not sure anyone can handle me, but would be curious to see.

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

~*~

The Dating Diaries ~ My Fantasy Dating Profile

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I follow a guy on Twitter and through his blogs, Dad Unmasked, who is a divorced dad raising 2 girls.  I love what he writes about in both venues.  As someone that has done the dating site game, I totally enjoyed his Fantasy Dating Profile post.  It inspired me to write one of my own.

The whole idea is that the profile I write is REAL, the real me!  The fantasy in this case being that someone out there wants the REAL people, not the Barbie dolls.  I cannot tell you the number of profiles I had read of guys who are overweight, unemployed or living like it (hey can only go on your pictures of the trashed trailer you appear to be sitting in with dirty dishes stacked high and trash bags piled around) that are dog ugly and specify that the female needs to be trim, in shape, and gorgeous.  Really?  So see, the fantasy is that someone would really want the real me!  And so far that guy I seek must be a fantasy too, as I’m just looking for a REAL guy. But that is for the post I will title “Mr. Right’s Fantasy Dating Profile” to be posted in the near future.

SO, here is my fantasy dating profile:

My Self Summary:  I’m a 48 year old, divorced mother of two.  My children are both adults, they do not live with me but are known to make unscheduled, unannounced visits and this is a good thing.  I’m 5’6″ tall, curvy with a few extra pounds.  Yes a FEW.  NO I am not fat, obese, etc.  When I say few I mean it, I am nothing if not brutally honest.  I have big boobs, a plus to some men and a minus to others. I have hips and a booty and I’m not upset about it.  I’m very happy with myself as I am.  I’m not your sugar mama, I don’t make a lot of money.  But I’m very happy with what I make and comfortable.  I am not a clean freak but I’m not a hoarder.  If it hasn’t been used or worn in 6 months I dispose of it to charity or the trash.  I don’t like clutter and I won’t live with it either.

I’m really good at:  Cleaning, taking care of little ones, and sales.  I was a very good office manager too, but I’ve made a serious career change into daycare and sales and have no intentions of returning to managing anyone’s office but my own.  I can cook but don’t like too so my talents are limited.  But I’ve yet to go hungry.  I’m good at cheering for my favorite football teams and yes I do like watching it either in the stadium, a sports bar, or my own living room with friends.  I can dress up and look like a million but frankly much prefer a tailgate, fire pit, a hoodie and some beer with friends.

The first thing people notice about me:  My eyes.  If I had a dollar for every time someone complimented my eyes I’d be rich.

Favorites:

Food: Chipotle steak bowls, with rice, black beans, corn salsa and cheese…no sour cream. EVER.

Movies: too many to name but they are not all chick flicks.

Music: that varies with my mood or the mood I wish to set.  Country, classical, hip-hop, classic rock, easy listening, soft rock…

Books:  first and foremost my bible. Then a variety of things, romance, historical fiction, biographies, autobiographies, motivational, business…I love to read.

TV Shows:  Blue Bloods, CSI, CSI:NY, NCIS and Criminal Minds.

I’m seeking: A man who is honest, I cannot and will not tolerate lies.  Someone who is affectionate, who isn’t looking for a Barbie Doll, is loyal/faithful (sorry don’t share), works hard but doesn’t let work come before his family, someone seeking a best friend in their mate and not a trophy.

Sadly this isn’t what most are seeking I am thinking.  But I’m working on a post all about the real me.  I did one for my 100th post long ago, but thinking it is time to really open up. That is a post coming too.

The Dating Diaries ~ Just Some Thoughts

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After 2 failed marriages and getting my heart broken more times than  I care to recall, I take a whole new approach when it comes to relationships.  It’s about ME.  Oh there will be plenty of me that is all about him too, but I have to watch out for me and my now very fragile heart.  I am far too special and precious of a person to just settle.

When I give someone my heart I give them all of me.  If they abuse it in any way I will retreat behind my walls and pull the drawbridge up again and good luck gaining entrance, I’m just not that forgiving for any additional cracks added to my already scarred heart.  And if you suddenly retreat from me over something small like what happened between me and the Count, and have ‘rethink’ us…well I will do the rethinking for you, it’s OVER.  See, when I commit to a relationship, it is 100% find a way to work through the crap that is bound to come up, and retreat is not an option.  If you have to retreat and rethink, you didn’t want this that bad and you were not committed.

I don’t do second chances either, if you walk away once, you are gone for good and dead to me. Harsh? Perhaps it is, but I have to protect what is left of me if I am going to be special to anyone and able to open up completely and commit totally for life.

I follow this awesome chick, Mandy Hale, most commonly known as The Single Woman.  I follow her on Twitter and I read her daily blog which is full of awesome and inspiring advice for single folks.  I also collect sayings I find inspirational or that speak well how I feel.  Below are some of those tweets, quotes, and pictures for the rest of my single followers.  Don’t settle, EVER. We deserve the best because we are the best.  Hold out for it!

~*~

TheSingleWoman™

 Who cares if people are talking behind your back? It just proves you have a life worth talking ABOUT. :)
*
You deserve someone who jumps fences to be with you..not someone who’s ON the fence about being with you.
*
Don’t waste time mourning lost opportunites or missed chances. It it was meant for u, it would have happened.
*
“Always take comfort knowing that u are independent & u don’t need to rely on anyone else for your own happiness.”
*
As uncertain as the life of a single girl might be..we make our own rules & answer only to ourselves..& that ROCKS.
*
If they don’t appreciate your presence, perhaps you should try giving them your absence.
*
You should only look back to see how far you’ve come. :)
“Pain makes u stronger. Tears make u braver. Heartbreak makes u wiser. So thank the past for a better future!”
*
Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. They fell in love with YOU. Not who they wanted or expected you to be.
*
Before you settle for “something” or “anything,” allow me to remind you that you’re worthy of EVERYTHING!
*
*
*
~*~

The Dating Diaries ~ If You Can’t Handle Me At My Worst…

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TheSingleWoman™ – As uncertain as the life of a single girl might be..we make our own rules & answer only to ourselves..& that ROCKS.

The door to the secret garden of my heart is slammed shut and locked.  Yeah, all is not good in paradise today.  And if you know anything about me you know that if you hurt my feelings bad enough, I’m going to completely close up and good luck getting me to open up again.  My heart is a very fragile thing, has been for a few years now and for me to open it to anyone is a huge step for me.  And for anyone to find themselves in possession of a key to the gate of my secret garden, the deep parts of me, the whole of my heart and soul, well use it responsibly because while I do not pick who has that key, fate/chemistry/God does, I do chose who will suddenly find their key no longer works in the lock.

I’m trying very hard not to be irrational, stomping pacing back and forth in front of the gate on the inside of the wall, the temptation to revoke access is definitely there.  Once I revoke it, it is never available again, which is why this Taurian is snorting and stomping fuming and pacing.  I’ve worked hard the past two years, with the help of the meds, to learn to control my reactions and instead of reacting, chose to  respond.

As I have said in my About Me section, I am known for posting things now and then that may be considered inappropriate, or not thinking through things before I hit post/publish.  This is not just on my blog, it goes on Facebook too.  Seems I did that…well okay after further review of the play, the penalty call stands.  I cannot reverse it no matter how many red flags I toss out there on the field.

The post was a video of some of the occupy Wall Street ladies topless, whining and carrying on about the cops telling them to put their shirts back on.  I found it hard to take these idiots seriously when I saw it, so much for being intelligent liberals, obviously you had to resort to displaying your less than impressive rack to gain attention to your cause as no one was paying attention.  And they sure weren’t going to take you seriously now!  But back on track here (love when I hijack my own blog).  I posted that, not thinking about the fact that the Count’s 12yo grandson would see it.  Seems the Count didn’t care for it either.  I thought I had set it so the  children/youngsters on my Facebook didn’t see it, but guess that was an epic FAIL.  I had commented on a photo of a cheerleader with a spot on the crotch of her shorts too, that I thought it was photo shopped.  Because I commented on it, the way Facebook works these days, it showed up in the feeds of my friends.  I didn’t think about that, I’m still adjusting to the changes Facebook made (when will they learn if it isn’t broken don’t fix it?).

Now backing up a tad here, things have been strained between me and the count of late, at least it felt that way.  I knew going into this that this time of year he works, A LOT.  As in he is at work before most of us get out of bed in the morning, and is still working when most of us go to bed at night.  And we’re seeing each other one day a week if that.  But as I said, this I knew so while I am a woman that needs more attention than a random text every day, I was being patient and trying not to complain.  Though I admit I felt like the family pooch given the crumbs brushed off the table after everyone else had their portion of the count’s time.  It’s what you do when you love someone.  And is wasn’t going to last forever, just a few more weeks before things would be normal again.

So, Friday at 9pm I received a text, him venting about work.  I sent multiple texts after that.  Nothing, no response at all.  I had dinner with a very dear friend last night and came home to discover I had been deleted from the Count’s Facebook, and his grandson’s.  No text, email or phone call to explain, just gone.  I texted and got no reply. I called and left a voicemail, nothing.  Now maybe I am not thinking this through clearly (damn muscle relaxers) but when one goes from dozens of texts a day, slowly down to a random ONE most days…it is hard to hold on with that crumb.  Then to go over 24 hours with no communication and to find oneself removed from their significant other’s friends list and their grandson’s.  Well I’m sorry if I jumped to the wrong conclusion after the attempts to communicate from my end, but I assumed the relationship had come to a halt.  Please feel free to point out to me if you think this was not a valid conclusion.

I come to find out, finally after making that assumption in a text in the wee hours of this morning when I couldn’t sleep and asking yet again later at a reasonable hour of the morning when I still had no reply, that he removed me and made the grandson remove me, over that video and the picture.  And now he needs to take a step back and rethink us?

All this could have been avoided with a quick text pointing out the necessary reminder (told ya I don’t think things through all the time) that there is a child on my Facebook and that the items were inappropriate viewing material.  But no, he reacted in anger (he said he was mad over it) and deleted me.

Now, I might be wrong here as I’m stomping through my vegetation tip toeing through the tulips inside the garden here, but when you go from “I love you” and “I miss you” and talking about a future, a business, and a life together, to all of the above….well to ME it sure seems like someone was just looking for an easy way out?  How about just telling me you want out, it isn’t working for you, whatever.  If anyone thinks it hurts less this way well they are quite mistaken.

The  worst part is I find myself repeating dance steps of the past…making excuses for him!  He is working so hard, long hours, is sleep deprived and grumpy and on a short fuse these days….when in fact there is no excuse for treating someone you say you love this way!  Communication is key to any relationship and there was a huge lack of it here.  And I cannot do this again, I’m not going to be an option rather than a priority in anyone’s life.  And I am sure as hell not going to change who and what I am to fit in anyone’s mold.  Been there, done that, and spent a long time  peeling back the layers and rediscovering who I really was and I am NOT going back in a box for anyone.  Take me as I am or don’t take me at all!

In the words of my all time favorite quote and personal mantra:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”~ Marilyn Monroe

And  honestly, if that is the worst anyone ever has to deal with, my imperfection when it comes to posting stuff now and then that maybe I need to think through, but my best is loyalty, love and total faithfulness and support, then  they should seriously be thankful because I’m one hell of a great package!  If he cannot handle my worst…well as it says, he doesn’t deserve my best.

Which must be evident  to many because the single men are already swarming  like cockroaches when the lights go out, asking for a chance to see if they might hold that key to the garden gate after seeing my relationship status change to single when someone deleted me.

Sorry boys, the marvelous one needs time to let the cracks in her heart heal right now.  :(

The Dating Diaries ~ The Princess & The Count

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It has been quite a while since I updated the status of my love life.  I’m sure everyone out there is chomping at the bit to know just how things are going between me and the man I met on a dating site.  I’m still kind of in shock at times that I went from happily married, to divorced and shattered on every mental and emotional level, to healing slowly, seeing a married man (in my own defense I had NO idea Mr. Wonderful was married until the end of the relationship), dating a super hero, then going out on over a dozen first dates with men I met online through dating sites.  Some of those first dates made it to a 2nd, and one or two hit a 3rd, but the 13th 1st date was to a man that held the key to my heart’s garden.  You all know him as The Count, the nickname I gave him because of his love of all things Halloween.  On my supporting cast page, he is Steve.

July 22nd of this year I went on my 13th and last first date.  I walked into one of my favorite places to grab  bite to eat and a cold beer, to meet someone I almost turned down.  Not because he wasn’t attractive, he is very good looking.  But mostly because I didn’t think I was what he was looking for based on the profile.  But it kept eating at me so I finally replied to his email and agreed to dinner.  That night I walked in, and looked into the eyes of someone that turned me inside out just looking at me.  I had this happen one other time in my life, and I was married for 22 years as a result.  There is a chemistry there, with a stranger, that when you look into their eyes you see their soul, and they in turn see yours.  I’ve read that we all have a particular scent and ‘sense’ about us, that attracts the partner that is the right mix for us.  Not sure if I believe that, but when I use the term chemistry, well I guess there is something to it?  SOMETHING clicks, like the fit of pieces in a 2 piece puzzle coming together, something is just RIGHT.  That was what I felt, it was like I had known him without ever having met.  If I were one that believed in reincarnation I’d say I found my mate from a previous life, but I don’t so I won’t go there.

My heart went through so much pain I  never imagined feeling love again.  Then to have it broken as it was finally healing, not once but twice after my divorce, well this princess had raised the drawbridge, added extra piranas to her mote and given up hope.  I had given up on love but I also enjoyed the company of a nice man, so, while locking up my heart, I still decided to date so I could at least get out of the house now and then.  One of the men I met, that made it to a second date, nicknamed himself Romeo.  He wrote a very good description of my heart as a garden, that I in turn picked up and ran with, as it was very accurate, The Marvelous Secret Garden and I posted what he had written to me.  Shortly after our first date he wrote more, in Part 2, ever hoping he’d be the one holding the key.  He had read just about every blog post I’ve written here, and possibly the ones from my previous blog site when married.  He definitely knew me rather well but he was not the one that held the key, and would have to forever remain outside of the garden.  My heart is well protected behind very thick walls and a locked gate that only 3 have ever held the key too.  Until now.

I wrote about meeting Steve, and how he looked right into my soul but didn’t push against the barriers, or try to find his way in.  He didn’t have too, because the key to my heart isn’t something one would know they have, or I would know, until they unlocked it.  That was just over 3 months ago, but it feels like we’ve known each other so much longer.

I’ve slowly met his family, and he has slowly been introduced to mine.  Things are progressing forward at a slow, steady pace.  Each time we’re together it is a little harder to be apart until the next time.  My heart very much loves him, but is able to take it’s time, letting this unfold and grow.  I’m learning to trust again, in the area of opening up and allowing someone inside my heart and mind.  I don’t have issues with jealousy this time, I never lack for assurance of his feelings for me.  When I’m with him I feel more safe and secure than I have ever felt in my life, that he would protect me.  My soul feels at peace with him.  I miss him a great deal when we are not together, but not in a clingy way, just a like a part of me is missing, until we’re together again.  I’m happy, very happy, in the sweetest possible way.

He hasn’t once tried to change me, he allows me to be true to myself.  I don’t try or even want to change him.  We balance each other nicely, even in areas where we will agree to disagree in our thoughts or views.  It is a relationship being built on a solid foundation of love and respect (perhaps the biggest missing piece to my failed marriage), one brick at a time. (thanks again, Chuck, that book you recommended, Love And Respect, is a life changer!)

So in case you were wondering, yes, he is still within the walls of my heart, slowly and carefully exploring that garden with me, and sharing more and more of his own heart, a piece at a time.  As each day passes, the other side of the garden that was so severely destroyed and burned, has grown over with vegetation and flowers, and the signs of the destruction are barely visible now.  There is no rush down the path, no need too.  We have all of our lives ahead of us to see where this might lead, and I’m savoring every minute of that journey. It is SO very different from any relationship that I’ve had before.

The Dating Diaries ~ Life In The Moment…

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As my readers have likely picked up on, I LOVE P!nk, love The Greatest Hits So Far album, and thank my baby sister for buying it for me.  I ripped it to my PC and the CD is in my car, I love everyone of the 16 songs except number 10, but I’m too conservative for that one.

One of my favorite songs  on the album is “Glitter In The Air”, a great love song.  I know the feeling of being touched so gently I wanted to cry.  Looking fear in the face (fear of getting my heart broken yet again) and saying “I don’t care” and letting myself FEEL again.  Of  not wanting a night to end, wondering if it could ever get better than that moment.  And all because of one man.  A man I met online through a dating site.  A man that emailed me and I didn’t respond for a few days, and damn near didn’t at all.  A man who was about to give up on finding the one, but gave it another shot.  That man, of course, is the Count.  AKA: Steve.  But you know me, I love nick names.  My very own Mikhail Dubrinsky.

Trusting has been the hardest thing for me to do.  I trusted for 22 years, and that got me no where but alone and emotionally destroyed.  I tried again, 2 more times, and those were just more breaks  in my heart. I was done at that point.  Dating was a way to just get out and meet men, I really didn’t plan on finding the one, this Cinderella had long given up on finding the fairy tale prince.  Yes I was looking, but I did not feel like that was even a remote possibility.  I kept meeting guys that were totally smitten with me, but it wasn’t mutual.  Many read my blog pages, had the full story, knew that I was the ‘nut case’ the ex feels I am, (they all find me quirky cute in every aspect with one guy that was  the exception, and thought the ex had a hole in his marble bag) and wanted me anyway.  I knew 23 years  ago  without a word being said, not even knowing my ex husband’s name so I knew that chemistry would be there or  not be there. Sure, things develop over time, but there is this initial draw, like two magnets, and it hadn’t happened.

Then came the email from The Count, expressing interest.  I read  his profile, looked at his photos, and decided to think on it.  My plan was to delete all my online accounts and toss in the towel.  I had dated 12 men  already and not yet found that undeniable pull.  I waited a few days to reply, but many times I went back to his profile.  Something in his eyes drew me in, again and again.  I  didn’t feel I matched  his criteria so wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, but I finally replied.  Then we talked on the phone.  I was still terribly hesitant to meet.  But deep down something was  stirring and that something would not let me out of this.  I  agreed to meet him for dinner.

Little did I know that when I walked into the meeting place, my life was about to shift dramatically.  The man looking back at me as I walked in the door had the most amazing eyes.  I swear they could pierce a hole in steel, and when he looked in my eyes he looked straight inside my heart and soul.  There was instant chemistry and draw.  It was very scary to me.  I’ve kind of sat on that fear a good deal since.  Not fear of HIM, but fear of the intense feelings I have  for him, from the beginning!  My heart was way ahead of my brain and that was scary.  I was just waiting, after each date, to hear that he just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, he is feeling it too.  We text like a couple of teenagers!  I got flowers last week for no reason other than he was thinking about me and wanted me to know this.  He doesn’t hold back at all telling me how he feels about me.  When we are together, for no reason out of no where he will  just stop, kiss me and tell me he loves me.  We  talk in terms of here and now, but also the future.  a future that is me and him, side by side, building a life together.  But we are going SO slow, taking our time, letting this bloom, grow and unfold it’s petals without rushing it.  There is no hurry, the feelings are there and grow each day.

Will I get my heart broken again?  I  don’t believe so, but only time will tell.  We’ve both suffered severe heart breaks at the hands of those we dearly loved, the ones we’d have gone to the ends of the earth for and back again.  We  are advancing with baby steps even though our emotions are miles ahead of us,  and just enjoying this one day at a time.

The  Count is part of my supporting cast now, photo and all.  Love is awesome.

The Dating Diaries ~ Love Grows In My Garden

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The garden gate opens now all on it’s own, it recognizes The Count and welcomes him inside the walls that protect my heart.  He brings with him a warmth when he enters here, a feeling of peace and harmony.  Little by little, he is exploring every inch of the landscape, getting to know everything that grows here or has  once been within the walls.  While we’ve glanced  across  to the area that is burned and damaged, he doesn’t push for more than I am ready to give up.  Already love is sowing healing seeds and new growth is starting on the other side.  With every day the painful memories of the past slip further away under the sprouting new flowers there, and in some  strange way my past tears are now fertilizing the soil that is bringing forth the new life.

I knew when I met the former prince, before I even knew his name, that he was someone I was supposed love and marry.  This time, I had only a photo, voice and a lot of communication on texts and the phone with The  Count, but inside something was stirring to life.  The first time I looked into his eyes I knew that feeling again.  Destiny was sitting in front of me, all I had to do was let it take me by the hand and lead me.  When he reached out and took my hand, continuing to see into my eyes and my heart and soul, we both knew.  There was no denying it.  When he searched inside of me, he didn’t push, and I didn’t deny him what he wanted to see.  He has gone where  only one other person dared to look, but that one was not mine, and I was not his.  For a long time I did not grasp why, but now I know…because Mr. Wonderful was not my destiny, The Count is.

From that first meeting, in the first few moments, there hasn’t been any singular in our discussions. It has been all about us, we, our….we’re like 2 puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly together.  The longer we are together the less of the seam that separates us can be seen even to us.  His life dream and mine fit together so very well.  Completely different, yet so perfectly suited to compliment each.  When we envision those dreams, we see each other in there, have since the first moment.  He is a very strong personality, with the softest of hearts.

I needed a man who could match or exceed the strength of my personality, there is no questioning he is that one.  Yet he is tender, and loving and wants to make me happy.  He knows my dark secrets, I know his.  We both accept the other completely: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  Neither of is looking for perfect, we both want someone perfectly imperfect.  I’m reading the book that was mentioned once by Chuck, Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs,  and see where the former prince and I went wrong, some of the situations described could be right out of our 22 years, down to the very words used in scenarios.  It won’t happen again, I simply won’t allow it.  I  know where I went wrong, where he was wrong, and how to not let that happen this time around.

“Go slow” is the intent, but it is hard.  We both know we need time to figure it all out, but we’re both in and committed.  My dating profiles have been removed, I have no desire to see anyone else, I found him.  Or maybe better said, he found me.  One flirt on a dating site has led to the start of what WILL be an amazing life as we work together to make our dreams come true.

The Dating Diaries ~ Get It Off My Hanger!

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I’ve noticed something on the dating sites that I’ve also seen in society in general:  We all tend to hang our self esteem on other people’s hangers.  This is obvious by the reactions to being rejected.  I wrote a blog about this last year, when I decided to remove MY self esteem from the hangers of others opinions of me.

I know that I am a good hearted woman, I am attractive, and I’m a great catch for the right man.  Key word being RIGHT.  Not every man is right for me, in fact most will not be, and that is okay.  I will find the one that I don’t want to live without and  make him the happiest guy around.  He will be blessed and thank God every day that my ex divorced me so that I could be found by him, the one that will treasure me.  Goodness knows plenty of men I have dated have told me to thank  him for setting me free just so they had a chance at knowing me even though it ended up just a friendship.  Yes, I AM that special!  Guess what? SO ARE YOU! To many someones in this world you are that precious too, you just have to find the one that wants to keep you and you want to keep them.  It took me a while to accept that single best thing my ex did for me, since he didn’t cherish and treasure me, was to let me go so someone else COULD.  And then I removed my self esteem from his hanger, put it on MINE and learned what a great person this marvelous woman really is!

We all tend to let it bother us when someone finds  fault in us, be it that we don’t clean correctly, dress the way they think we should, talk too loud, talk too much, aren’t as pretty or fit or whatever someone else has in their mind for what we should be.  Or, what they think their ideal match is, as is the case on dating sites.

On a dating site, we fill out our dating profiles and then hope to catch the attention of someone that meets our criteria.  Some people, like myself, put serious time and effort into the written portions of their profiles.  We take the quizzes, psychology tests of some kind, that determine things about our personalities and preferences to assist in finding the perfect match.  We chose photos of ourselves in various situations to help portray who we are to potential mates and then hope for the best.  There are those that for whatever reason think putting down one word or one line  answers is going to just impress the snot  out of others,  oh and 1 fuzzy photo of themselves from 50 feet away, astride their Harley (at least it LOOKS like it might be one from that blurred image) and then 5 photos of their dogs or sunsets, which don’t happen to be blurry, go figure.

The sites  have standard questions about smoking and your preference, drinking of  alcohol, height, marital/relationship status for you and your preferred match.  It is amazing, I swear some of the  sites asked me for what brand of toilet paper I purchase, or it seemed that way.  So, anyway, if  I am looking  over profiles of potentials, I can see right away if they are someone I want to meet.  Their photos, what they write, what their physical characteristics are etc, all give me clues to them.

As I stated the other day, I can and DO glean a lot  from a person’s profile.  It is the ‘first impression’ and believe me it DOES make a difference.  A haphazard profile is a good  indication that someone is careless and doesn’t take care of themselves, so I know they aren’t going to make me a priority.  Or it may be a very well written profile, but just not be someone of interest to me because we don’t share common interests.  It is always perplexing when someone writes and says “I see we have a lot in common…” and I go look and find they are into sky diving, hang gliding, NASCAR…nothing at ALL in common.  My guess then is they saw my pics and thought I was attractive so they’d give it a shot.  I  know what it is I’m looking for, and when I find it, I will know.  I knew immediately when I met the ex Prince, before he opened his mouth or I even knew his name, I said to my mom “I am going to marry that one”. Sure enough I did.  Trust me, I can tell enough from what I read and see on a profile, if there is any interest.  A few emails between us and my first impression is confirmed if there were any doubts.

So where am I headed with this?  I am growing tired of men contacting me, and when I tell them “I’m sorry but I am just not interested, but good luck in your search” I am called names and they begin personal attacks.  Mr. Confident isn’t the first or last (he just stood out).  Last night a guy from Louisville,  Kentucky contacted me.  He is like 2 hours  away.  When I said “I’m sorry, but as I state in my profile, I am not interested in a long distance relationship, I cannot relocate and unless you are able too, should  we hit it off, it just won’t work out” he in turn wrote back and called me an asshole!  Wow, really?  I didn’t bother to go into the fact that nothing about his profile or photos was even remotely appealing to me, I was kind and polite.  Another potential that contacted me said “I knew I wasn’t in your league and you’d think you were too good for me” (I get that ‘outta my league’ stuff entirely too much).    I don’t think I am too good for you, YOU JUST DO NOT INTEREST ME!!!!

What I see here is a bunch of  men that get their hopes up that some attractive female might want to date them, and then their ego gets bruised if she says no.  No  one is out of anyone’s league.  Period.  But no one wants to go out with someone they are not interested in.  Just because you have an interest in me doesn’t mean I share that interest.  If it isn’t mutual, why waste our time?  Sure, I realize that by some slim, snowball’s chance in hell we might hit it off, but I might get struck by lightening or win the lottery too…twice.  The man I seek is hot and handsome on the INSIDE and it shows through his profile in not only his photos, but in his smile, what  he writes about himself, his attitude that comes  through in those  writings.  None of us are going to be knock  outs when we are  old and wrinkled up like a fuzzy, mold covered prune, but our inner self will still be beautiful, and that is what I am looking for most, that inner man that will rock my world.

Stop hanging your self esteem on my hanger.  If going out with me is what you need to feel good about you, buddy you are in a world of hurt!

The Dating Diaries ~ ACCESS DENIED

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“Go ahead..let people label you. It just shows they wanna put you in a box because they’re so afraid of what you can do” ~ The Single Woman

~*~

Online dating, if nothing else, is highly entertaining at times.  Just reading profiles is good for laughs.  Despite what some  folks think, one can glean a good deal about someone by their own words in their profile.

One thing a well written profile does is gives me a good clue if someone will be compatible with me.   First starting with  their physical stats, like height, weight, location, and for me even their astrological sign.  You recall,  from earlier posts, fire fighters and those born under the sign of Aquarius, Scorpio or Leo, are just not good matches  for me.  Fire fighter Aquarians are simply a disaster trying to occur.

In the essay sections of a profile, where a person has the opportunity to tell me about themselves, it can either be a deal breaker before we ever get to ‘hello’ or it can spark the desire  for an introduction.  I forgive a random typo, but I’m picky, too many of them and it becomes obvious that the writer just doesn’t put any time or thought into themselves or they’d be trying harder to put forth something of quality.  Also, things a person likes to do in their spare  time, or  for fun, helps me to know if there is a chance at chemistry.

For example, I was contacted by a gentleman (and I use this term very loosely as he certainly didn’t behave like one, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself) who was interested in meeting.  I looked over his profile carefully and somethings stood out to me, and yes I am going to rip this sucker apart dissect some sections to show first why he is not a good match for me.

Okay let’s do some examination of his profile:

” I enjoy any activity that can be done outdoors camping, biking, hiking, tennis, volleyball, water skiing, festivals, and traveling. I also enjoy art shows, auctions, yard sales, shopping and dining out along with good conversation. “

Okay first off, I love being outside!  However camping = Holiday Inn Express.  I grew up camping all over this country.  I do not like to camp anymore, period.

Biking = Harley Davidson/Honda etc…fender fluff.  I don’t care for peddling.  It has to have a motor and rumble baby.

Water skiing – not so much.  Not a huge fan of water I cannot see the bottom of so water  skiing just is  not appealing.

Art shows/auctions/shopping – Not much into art, auctions YAWN no thanks, and shopping?  This girl HATES FLIPPING SHOPPING!

So far, as you can see, this isn’t going to be a good match.  We are  not on the same pages enough when it comes to activities we enjoy.

Then he posts:

My photos are current. Please don’t expect the Brad Pitts, bad boy type from me. I don’t have a beer belly, long hair, hairy back, tattoos, earrings, nose rings, belly piercing, or a motorcycle (although I might get one in the future, lol). What I do have is a big heart, self assured, confident, positive attitude, optimistic, a job and white teeth! lol

Hmm…getting the idea that he is intimidated by the bad boy/rebel  types.  And tattoos and a nose ring might not be up his alley, which means ME as my nose is pierced and I have some ink.  Not to mention if you are someone that is so confident and self assured, you don’t tear down other ‘types’ when telling me what you are all about.  Truly confident individuals don’t do that sort of thing, they don’t compare themselves to anyone or point out what they perceive as flaws in others.  Bad form my man.

So reading further, this stands out to me:

Things that I believe in:

- My Dad & Mom taught me well
- You will hurt and be hurt by those you love and showing you care afterward can strengthen those relationships
- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships
- Most mistakes can become blessings if you learn along the way
- We’re never truly alone
- People cross paths for reasons so pay attention
- Everything happens for a reason and those who learn from those reasons gain knowledge from life’s experiences.
- It’s safe to trust your instincts because you’ll know early if someone “gets” you and you “get” them
- It’s better to laugh than to cry
- Sunrises, sunsets and rainy days were meant to be shared
- A hug can make it all better

I want you to remember the part  in red there, it will be important in a bit.

And then this part stood out to me too (dude was LONG on the writing which is okay if it doesn’t all contradict itself)

I borrowed the below info from another profile. I thought it was somewhat close to me. BTW, I have blue eyes and I’m looking for a woman no matter what her eyes color maybe. I already had one shallow woman proclaim she didn’t have blue eyes so she tossed me back into the water! Come on, please have an open mind and expand our horizons when it comes to looking for a partner. There has been only one perfect “MAN” in this world so far!

BLUE EYES:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don’t care what people think or say. They love to party. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when they need to be. They are bad to the bone.

Okay Mr. Confident is back to dissing people again, because someone was not interested in him she must be shallow?  Oh and he just told us earlier he isn’t a bad boy type, yet he is bad to the bone?

I had immediately picked up on the fact that this guy is anything but confident.  He resorted to name calling and knocking others in his profile, it screams of someone that lacks self confidence and doesn’t handle rejection very well.  And not finding anything in his profile that indicated compatibility I told him I wasn’t interested.  I figured if he doesn’t handle rejection well (shallow woman???) online, after a date or  two when things were confirmed for me that this was NOT the future Mr. Marvi  Marti,  he might have a full blown melt  down.

Oh and before I go any  further, I need to point out that I have a photo on my profile of me in a Halloween costume I wore once.  The reason? I am a curvy girl, big boobs, and some hips that gave birth 3 times.  Not fat, but curves are a part of me.  So since that shot gives the viewer a good indication of what they are getting, I used  it.    You’ll understand why I’m showing this photo in a minute, so hang  on.

This morning, while laying in bed answering my emails on the dating site, there continued a little exchange with Mr. Confident (we had exchanged a few very short emails last week but I told him I was too busy to meet then):

sent 7/9/2011  7:50:42 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
How’s your schedule looking for this weekend or next week?
Thanks.

sent 7/9/2011  10:01:17 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
At the moment just not interested.

sent 7/10/2011  7:24:49 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
why not? Has something happened in your life?

sent 7/10/2011  7:29:38 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I just am not interested. That simple.

sent 7/10/2011  7:35:23 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Do you mean in me or find someone? I’m just trying to understand?

sent 7/10/2011  7:39:09 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I am not interested in getting to know you.

sent 7/10/2011  7:42:07 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Duh, how did you come to that conclusion? We have never met or spoken? But I guess you are right. I’m not attractive to shallow and narrow-minded people!
Guess that explains the reason why you can’t keep a man after 22 yrs of marriage! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:04 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Interesting you that you resort to childish tactics throwing insults at someone, tells me that you are thin skinned and do not handle rejection well. Instead of having some class, you behave like a 5yo little boy.
that was what I suspected, so wasn’t interested. You simply confirmed it.

sent 7/10/2011  7:47:07 AM
FR: Mr.Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
I guess that’s why you have to put pictures of your breasts hanging out in order to catch a man? you can’t do it as being yourself. Some Church person you are! lmao

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:15 AM
FR: Marti
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Have a nice day.

sent 7/10/2011  7:49:51 AM
FR: Mr. Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Why are you still bothering me? Get on your broom and fly away!

You have nothing to offer me! lmao

*note: I stopped answering at  this point, evident that this guy is getting his boxers knotted up pretty easily.

sent 7/10/2011  7:51:524 AM
FR: Mr.  Confident
SJ: Fish Nibbling On Your Line!
Go to Church and pray that you can find a man! You are going to say a lot of prayers before you do! lol

Obviously old Rob doesn’t handle rejection very well?  Funny to me is that Mr. Confident, who lists himself as Catholic, obviously had no issues with those D-size boobs when he contacted me hoping I would have interest.  And as I told him, he resorts to sandbox politics when he doesn’t get what he wants.  Also, remember up above a bit where he stated things he believes in? Remember this:

- Actions expose the soul and define you and your relationships

Well, Mr. Confident, your actions exposed YOUR soul and defined you and your relationships.  Oh and for the record, you are divorced too, and on an online dating site, LOOKING for a woman YOU don’t have, just as I don’t have a man at the moment. So what is your point?

As  I said, when I read his profile slowly, I sensed he was going to behave like this if I rejected him for any reason once we started going out, I just didn’t expect him to do it simply because I have no desire to meet him.

Good luck, Mr. Confident, you are going to need it.

ACCESS TO THE MARVELOUS ONE:  DENIED

The Dating Diares ~ If Tiki Barber And Brett Favre Can Do It…

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If Tiki Barber and Brett Favre can do it, then I suppose it is acceptable for the first date shirt to also make a come back and come out of retirement, right?

I jumped a tad too soon  when I decided to pull off the dating scene.  It is so easy to get my head stuck in the fantasy clouds when flowers and beautiful words are given.  And as much as I want to find the one that holds the key to my garden gate, it cannot be forced open.  I thought Romeo might hold a key, but it is not the case.  The chemistry simply is not there, no  key will appear to him.  :(

The keys are forged from chemistry, and my love is the magic  that coats them and allows them to turn in the lock.  That chemistry cannot be made  from all the wishing and wanting in the world, it is something that  is there or  is not..and again in this case, it simply is not.  I wanted very much for it to be, because all the right things were said and done.   It is frustrating to me, I cannot believe or accept that only 3 men in this world have had a key to my heart, and been able to unlock the gate.

Mr. Wonderful still has his, and sometimes comes and sits beside me on the bench to talk, telling me what I need to hear  rather than the things I want to listen too.  He is my best friend (until I find the man I am searching for), and will always be welcome to visit my garden while I am single.   But he is not the one I will grow old with.  The  Superhero’s key is beginning to lose its glow, the magic is  fading fast, and soon  he too will no longer be able to  enter the garden, which is sad as he only stepped through the gate and went no further.  The only other one to hold a key, Prince  Charming, his no longer works in the lock at all, he is banished from the garden forever without ever having tried it in the lock during those 22 years.

The gate is locked and  sealed tight for now, centuries stand guard to protect my heart, and the search continues for the fourth, and hopefully final one that holds its key….

The Dating Diaries ~ Retiring ‘The First Date Shirt’

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My sister has this awesome top that I have kinda taken ownership of she lets me borrow that looks great on me.  It got a thumbs up from my brother when he saw me in it a few weeks ago.  When I wore it to court for the divorce hearing and then into the office, my then boss whistled and made several comments  about how great I looked dressed up.  Of course that is more likely because I usually wore jeans and a company polo shirt to work every day so me dressed up feminine in any way was going to be a noticeable improvement.  It is fitting and symbolic to me that the shirt I wore to end my fairy tale, would be the same one I am wearing to begin a new one.  This top has come to be known around the Diva Den as the first date shirt.  Mostly because I almost always wear it on a first date.  It is very feminine, I look damn good in it  if I do say so myself.

Yesterday my horoscope read:

Your ruling planet Venus may bring sweetness into your life today in a way that is fresh and different. However, the opportunity you have for pleasure comes at a high price now. Keep in mind that your desire for simplicity means that you may have to set aside previous priorities. But don’t bother trying to get approval from a friend, unless you’re seeking to deepen that particular relationship. Remember, communicating your feelings isn’t all fun and games; it takes hard work and an open heart.

Shortly after I read it, there was a knock at the front door, and my favorite florist (how did  he know this???) was there with a delivery of lavender roses for me.  Something ‘fresh’ and ‘different’ as my horoscope said.  Fresh as in fresh cut  flowers, my very favorite flower!  And ‘different’ because receiving  flowers just is not a real common occurrence for me.  I don’t recall ever receiving my favorite flowers, so it was totally unique.   I found it quite special, as someone is definitely paying close attention as they read through my hundreds of blog posts.

The sender is someone I’ve talked to via emails and texts, but had yet to meet in person.  We have much in common  in our  relationship needs and our personalities.  There was definite chemistry there  in writing.  I  know, people can paint themselves to be a lot of things, but sometimes you just know you are seeing the real heart of a person when they share about themselves.  Not a single red flag has flown as we have gotten acquainted on the dating site, so I gave him my blog page to explore.  He knew he was seeing the real me as he has spent a great deal of time reading and learning…he knows my heartaches, my frustrations, my likes and dislikes, and even my glaring faults.  And he too has a passion for writing and expressing himself through his words (read the Secret Garden posts).  He doesn’t mind at all what I write about, even regarding him.  He doesn’t want someone he can clip their wings and cage in order to tame, but rather someone he can enjoy their  free spirit and watch soar, and even fly beside.   We both know what it is to have our fairy tale implode and have our hearts completely shattered by the one we thought was forever, and the next one we fell in love with, and we’re both ready to try love again in spite of the scars we carry.

When the sender asked me to meet him in person or talk on the phone last night, I opted  for meeting.  There was just something about him that made me want it to be in person the  first time I heard his voice.  And what a voice it is…deep and oh so pleasant to listen too.  Strong hands yet with such a gentle touch.  No red flags here either, my gut is not telling me to run like hell, I was quite relaxed and content to spend time with him.

I made a decision to turn off my profile on the dating sites (on ones where that is an option), and I’m not going on anymore first dates for now.  The ‘first date shirt’ is  going into retirement, well as far as being worn for first dates anyway.  There is chemistry here.  In his eyes I saw much I want to explore.  His secret garden intrigues me, is calling to me to come see if I have the key to open the gate, as he is hoping his key fits mine, as within the garden is the heart and soul.  Time will tell, and we’ll go slowly and see what develops.

I  may even begin a new thread, since The Dating Diaries really may not be quite  right for this. I’m thinking something along the lines of The Secret Garden Journals of Romeo and Juliet.

The Dating Diaries ~ Q & A

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I get asked a lot of the same questions on the dating sites by the men that contact me hoping I will find them interesting enough to want to go out.  Some are pretty standard, some are out of the ordinary, and others just flat out off the wall!  I don’t give out my Blog info to any Tom, Dick or Harry, so only ones I see having potential get to peek here at who I am, that is a very tiny number.  But still, thought I’d answer the questions they ask and maybe I can just copy and paste this later as needed?

Q: What do you do for a living?
A:  Childcare in my home and independent sales representative for Avon.

Q:  What  do you like to do for fun?
A:  This is not a real simple question to answer.  But I will give you some ideas:

  • I like bowling – but frankly I suck at it….bad!  But then it is for FUN, and I do enjoy it and can laugh at myself.
  • I was learning to throw darts, and still hope to learn but be advised NO one should stand anywhere but BEHIND me. I suck at this too. :)
  • I enjoy hanging out with friends at a small bar or pub, inside or out on the patio, listening to a good live band.
  • Grilling on the back deck with friends, drinking a few beers and just relaxing.
  • Tailgating with friends and great food (it IS all about the food, certainly not the win if you are a Bengal fan)
  • Concerts in the park, be it bands or the Cincinnati Pops, on a blanket with a lot of good munchies and someone special or a bunch of friends.
  • A nice picnic with friends or someone special, outdoors enjoying the sunshine and the breeze and great conversation.
  • Snuggling up with someone special, a bottle of wine, good music or a movie, or in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket.
  • Day trips to fun places like Metamora just to wander through the little shops.
  • Weekends in Gatlinburg browsing the shops, sitting in the hot tub on a cabin deck with wine and a view of the mountains.

Q:  What are you pet peeves?
A:  I have a few, the big  one is people too lazy to take their cart to the proper place and instead just leave it in the spot next to them.  Most of them look like they could use the extra walk.

Q:  Having any luck meeting people on this site?
A:  Yes, meeting people  is why I am here and so far not had  any issues, though lord knows I have heard some good horror stories!

Q:  What is your favorite vacation spot?
A:  Golden Clouds, Jamaica.  I’d go back in a minute, despite having to fly to get there, if I could afford it.

Q:  Is that a nose ring in your photo?
A:  Yes it is, and there are 3 tattoos that are not in the picture so if those bother you now is the time to say so.

Q:  What kind of music do you like?
A:  ALL kinds! Country, classical, hard  rock, soft rock, classic rock, 80′s, hip hop, top 40, pretty much anything. Depends  on my mood or the mood I wish to set.

Q:  What type of man do you go for?
A:  Why? Are you a chameleon?  I don’t have  a type, and beyond what is in my profile I won’t tell you what I’m looking for, because I don’t want a good actor.  I want to meet the REAL you and if there is chemistry then you are my type.

Q:  Do you have pets?
A:  Yep, a cat.  We have 3 actually but only one belongs to me.

Q:  Are you interested in getting to know each other (from a guy 110 miles away)?
A:  Unless you are reasonably close to where I live, not  really.  Not  unless you plan to relocate if we hit it off and head for the justice of the peace, because I am not moving from the greater Cincinnati area.

Q:  Do you have sex on the first date?
A:  You really went there, huh Stud?  That would be a NO.  Unlikely for quite a few and even then, it is just not at the top of the list for me.  I’m highly selective in who gets a first date, more so for a second or third, and unless the relationship is getting serious, I won’t even consider it.  Too many freaky STDs  out there, and I’m too special to just sleep with anyone.  If you are asking that before you have met me, you won’t be considered for that first date.

Q:  You are sexy, wanna have dinner?
A:   No but if you check a few escort sites or Adult Friend Finder you might find what you are seeking.

Okay enough silliness.  That is a sampling of the questions I get on the sites.  And  now you, too, know the answers.