Category Archives: Shelving 2011

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 31

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 31

This is the biggest box.  The contents of this one can weigh heavy on my heart at times.    There are thousands of unanswered questions, suspicions, and facts that all add up to a lot of unresolved pain in my life.

I may never know the truth, and really it doesn’t matter.  It is written in stone, court documents, and is water under the bridge.

It is the past, painted on a canvas that cannot ever be changed.

Honestly, if the opportunity for reconciliation were given, I’d not take it.  It took distance to see that he was poison to my soul.  Though perhaps not intentionally, the mix of us was not good.

In my mind and heart I sincerely feel as if the level of  love and devotion was one sided, which no doubt resulted in many of the issues we had.  Also evident in the fact that I was not the one that quit.

Yes, while I do pray for him, I’m guilty of the “dear Lord, let his life be full of prosperity and happiness, AFTER You have him run over by a truck and the karma bus”, which is not quite what God had in mind when praying for those who hurt us or are our enemies.

But the time has come, in just 2 weeks it will be 2 years since the day I was told it was all over.

He IS a good person, and a good dad.

I wish him every happiness in the world, one filled with love.

I’ve learned what a good wife is and isn’t.  Funny, that definition varies with each person and their needs.  To him I was not. To many others, they are convinced I would be.  If only I could find the one that matches my specs for the good husband! ;)

I’ve taken the steps to fix me.

I’m taking the initial steps through DivorceCare to ensure this box stays sealed up tight.

For those still in the dark at this point, this is the box that contains all the loose ends of my marriage.  It took longer than I thought to move past it, this whole year a time of healing for me, but 22 years is a long time to move past.

It was not always an easy ride.  I have a lot of great memories, and a part of my heart that was so devoted to him will always love him.  But there are painful parts too.  Some of our own making, much that was just inflicted upon us from the outside, from life and frankly crappy cards dealt by fate.  Well okay, Divine Providence.  And while to us they seemed crappy, we were meant to go through those rough waters for a reason.  Most of those reasons won’t be understood in this lifetime.

Either way, now that I’ve reached the point in my life where I want to box it all up, NEED to box it all up, I am purging it all. It is on the shelf.  It is the first of the boxes to be taped up today and left here in 2011.

A new year is here.

A new, fresh start.

A blank canvas waiting to be filled with a  year of hard work, lessons to learn, and a heart and mind focused where it should have been all along.  On the One that never fails me, never leaves me, has my name written on His hand, and will always love me, though I certainly do not deserve it.

The other two, small boxes, just hold miscellaneous stuff and the odds and ends that don’t really have a category or need a box of their own.  The ‘paper schnittzles’ of 2011 that needed to be swept up and away.  Nothing  noteworthy just little dust bunnies of sorts.

It feels good to leave this all behind.

*Raises glass*

To a new year – bring on 2012!

~*~

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 30

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 30

WOW, 2nd to last box of the 31 things I plan to leave behind in 2011. 

In this box will go all the grudges I hold against people who have hurt me.

Some were judgmental regarding posts I’ve made, or my past when I returned to church.

Some were people that stabbed me in the back, threw me under the bus, some broke my heart, or otherwise caused me pain.

I could name the names but that wouldn’t really be of any benefit to anyone.  You know who you are and what you did.  If you don’t, well all the better.  I’ve let all this live rent free in my heart and head and it is time to box it up and leave it here in this year.  Everyone gets a clean slate for the new year, bygones are just that, it’s all water under the bridge.

Forgiveness…it isn’t about those that have caused us pain, it is about US.  About ME.  And I am letting go of it all, it is just not worth the energy to hang on to past inflictions. I’ve learned and accept that some people are just assholes and that is okay.  You can be one, outside of my head and heart.

So, into the box goes the grudges, and the void left behind by those is filled with forgiveness and grace.  When I am tempted to pull the tape off the seal and open that box, instead I will pray for that person.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 29

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 29

This box is related to my post yesterday, about embracing ME in 2012, it is dating.  I’m putting dating in the box and putting it on the shelf for the coming year.  I think my biggest problem was jumping into the dating scene too soon after the marriage had ended.  I need time to finish unwrapping me without reapplying layers to suit others that I am seeing.  Only one of the 3 men I got into a relationship with this past year didn’t try to change me, and that was the Superhero.  He just wanted to know ME and didn’t ask me to change anything about myself.  Sadly it didn’t work because I didn’t want him to change either.  Mr. Wonderful wanted me to layer over things, not mention them, etc from my past.  And the Count…well obviously he wanted me to layer over things too, and that simply will not work.  Again. Ever.

I’ve decided that I need more time to discover  me.  I know that I have some unresolved issues and hurts from the marriage.  I found an awesome divorce support group called DivorceCare.  Bible based and full of support, I am going to look into it.  It runs about 13 weeks and many of the churches in this area have started DivorceCare groups.  My best friend from childhood told me what a wonder it did for her, not to mention she met her soon to be husband in this group, remained friends long after the sessions ended, and now they are in love and going to get married.  I don’t want to join to find anyone, I’m not looking.  I want to join to clear up any last fragments of pain and move forward.  No doubt it will help in my faith too.

SO, while I will enjoy the company of male friends now and then, they have to understand I am not seeking a relationship right now with anyone but ME.  No dating, I pay my own way or I don’t go.  Simple as that.  I will gladly spend time with friends, but I am not seeking a mate.  I’m seeking the person that matters most in my life, ME.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 28

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 28

My vanity is where it all happens in the morning.

My vanity

I sip coffee while putting on my face for the day, then drying my hair and applying whatever goop is going to be in it today.  It is my magical place because I am transformed from a sleepy, kinda pale looking zombie, into the marvelous and beautiful creature you see in person (if you know me).  Kinda of like Monsters Inc. to Cinderella or Snow White.  It is an amazing process.

Trouble is that the drawer of the vanity is a complete mess.  My buddy over at Martinis Needed would go into a full blown OCD melt down if she had to find anything in that drawer.  Needless to say this can slow a Diva down when she is trying to make awesome in a brief period of time before the baby arrives for the day to spit up all over said princess type.  I lead a very tough life.

So, Box 28 will be all of the crap in that drawer (i.e. old makeup, unused stuff etc) finding it’s way into the trash can.  I think I heard applause from down in the family room…

I will give you a peek into the drawer in question.

The drawer of the vanity

See…it really needs some…help.

Cleaning out that drawer will make my life so much easier.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 27

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 27

Oh Tumblr, you are kinda cool and all, but really not feeling the love here.  I have tried very hard to like you, get into you, form a tight and lasting bond with you.  But, my confusing love, just not having any desire to update you or follow anyone on there with your assistance.  I think I will have to box you up now too and send you away.  I’m sorry, we both tried hard to make it work, but just not seeing the need to keep you in  my life, making me feel guilty for not updating you, paying you the proper  attention.  Thanks for the memories!

Yes, it is over.  I tried Tumblr, really tried to like it.  I am still at a loss as to what it’s purpose is in anyone’s life?  If I have any type of social media account I feel the need to update it and use it.  I’m finding this one to be more of a pain in the tush than it is worth.  I get nothing of value from it and waste time I cannot retrieve.  So, that one gets the box too.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 22, 23, 24, 25 and 26

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Okay so I’ve been a bit busy with all the holiday hoopla, but I’m back to determining what needs to be left behind in 2011, and there are still a few items to go through.  Here the 5 boxes to bring me up to number 26.

Box 22

Oh this box is SO needed!  It is the one that is my organizer…that is less than organized at the moment.  I have so much stuff stuck in it with no real rhyme or reason that it is difficult to find what I need in it.  So, it will be cleaned out and the junk in it tossed and I will get it in an  order that makes it worth having so I am organized for the coming year!

Box 23

My linen drawer.  I have on drawer in my dresser that is for linens.  I am fortunate enough to have 3 sets of sheets for my bed and those are in that drawer.  Along  with cords for my  phone, Kindle, miscellaneous stuff I tossed in when I wasn’t sure what to do with it all.  Time to clean that out and apply the old 6 month rule: If I haven’t used it in 6 months, and it isn’t a seasonal item or  highly sentimental…it  goes in the trash can.  Things I know are in there that I need I can never find when I need them.   A sure sign things are just out of order in there.

Box 24

Half or partially finished projects.  I have a bad habit of starting a crochet project and then it sits and never gets finished.  Often it is the simple things too like the edge or fringe, but I never seem to get back to it.  I have several such things in my closet including the blanket I was making for the now ex boyfriend.  Time to  clear them out and finish them, pitch them, whatever needs to be done so that I can move in my closet again.  Too much wasted space cluttered with these things.

Box 25

Speaking of drawers….I need to do a major over haul of my dressers.  I have one in the bedroom, one in my very large, walk-in closet.  There are clothes in there that either don’t fit, are old, I think I might need some day etc.  Time for those to follow the path of the clothing from that now former way of life, to the trash!  I have a few  old shirts I keep because when watching little ones I find spit-up on my shoulder, or down the front of me, so that is worth keeping. The rest of the unused attire needs to go either to charity or the trash depending on the condition it is in.  Clean drawers!

Box 26

While I’m in the closet I might as well clean off the shelves.  I have SO many books that I really do not need or don’t need often enough to make them worth keeping in my closet.  I need the shelf space for other things, like Avon supplies.  It is so time to get those shelves cleaned off and get rid of what is up there that I really have no need to keep.  You know it is time when you could not being to give an account of what was lost if the house burned down or blew away.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 19, 20 and 21

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 19

Empire Avenue….you fill up my inbox with emails about who bought shares in me or traded my shares.  I didn’t even know what it was when I signed up and the more I see, the less I care.  Time waster with absolutely NO purpose.  At least none I can see, so that is going on the shelf. Now if I can just figure out how to delete my account!

Box 20

News twitter accounts and Facebook accounts – I am so done following them.  My feeds fill up with all kinds of “breaking news” that frankly isn’t worth knowing.  And one local news chain has 3 twitter accounts, one for news, traffic and weather.  They tweet the same stupid information across all 3!  I follow weather to get weather, not traffic.  So, bye bye to all of it.  When I want to know what is going on in the world I will go to their sites to look.  No more weeding through things I just don’t care about!

Box 21

Sleeping in…excessively.  I’ve spent several days peeling the paint off the ceiling of my room way past when I needed to be in bed.  My normal rising time during the week is 5:30am.  It gives me time to shower, dress, check emails and allow coffee to pass the blood brain barrier so I can function enough to ensure I diaper the right end of the babies.  :)   7:30am is sleeping in, by 2 hours.  Time to start pulling out of the rack so that the day is not a waste of time.  Too much to accomplish!

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 15, 16, 17 and 18

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

I’ve been busy and haven’t really worked on this purging thing but I’m going to try to get caught up today!

Box 15

Time management – or the lack there of. We’ll called it unstructured time.  That is an area that needs my attention in a big way.  The lack of scheduling my life is killing me.  I already have  procrastination boxed but the lack of a planned day isn’t helping me either.  I need to start setting specific times for things…Saturdays for delivering Avon.  An  hour in the evening to read because “good leaders are good readers” and in order to lead this Avon unit I need to stay on that.  I even need to set specific scheduled days for things like my laundry, and  times of the day  for relaxing  things like online games.  Structure!  Yep that is what I need, no more cluttered time.

Box 16

Lack of sleep, or staying up too late.  I have a really bad habit of doing this and it is not helping in the issues in box 15.  I set my alarm for a specific time each morning, 5:20am, then hit the snooze alarm numerous times because i stayed up way too late the night  before.  This isn’t good because I am behind by the time I do finally get out of bed, sometimes waiting to shower until the baby I watch is asleep.  That didn’t work out so hot this past week as she was sick and Friday sounded croopy to me so I was  not about to  let her sleep without keeping a close eye on her.  I am off for 2 weeks from childcare, time to catch  up on my sleep and work on getting all these boxes dealt with so that come 1/1/2012 I am purged and rolling on energy.

Box 17

LAZINESS when it comes to my lack of getting off my rump and exercising.  High blood pressure and heart disease are in my genetic makeup so, as this 48yo has yet to discover the fountain of youth, it is high time I actually DID something.  We have a treadmill, weights, and 3 flights of stairs in this big house.  Not to mention a  street that is long enough to loop for walking and a gorgeous park with hiking trails 2 blocks away.  I think it is time to box up the laziness and start getting a little toning and cardio worked back in to my life.

Box 18

With the laziness taking a hike it is time I started eating wiser too.  Not  just a bit healthier, but a bit LESS.  I used to follow Gwen Shamblin (girl get rid of the 80′s hair and ease up on the tanning, you look like a crack whore) and Susan Powter (I won’t touch this one too much there)  until I felt like they seriously derailed mentally (and to think my ex husband thinks I have mental issues?).  But they both do have some good advice.  Cut portions in half and eat far less fat.  Dolly Partin lost all her weight years ago by continuing to eat all the things she  liked just eating less of it.  So, some serious focus on cutting down to portions sizes and cutting out some of the crap I eat (like um BEER which my son tells me goes right to the butt).

Ah there, all caught up on purging.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 14

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 14 

As my lucky number is 13, this had to wait for a different number.  I also had to hold to see if there was to be any change in things.  I texted Steve, aka – The Count, last night before I went to sleep.  I asked if in fact I am to assume it is finished.  Nothing.  12 hours have passed, I know he got up and went to work so he saw it on his phone.  Nothing.  I did my crying myself to sleep (thank you Anew eye cream for hiding the  puffy eyes in the mornings), and  I’m done.  I cannot change what is and after re-reading my Pros and Cons post I realize that just because I love the man, it isn’t enough to stick around and hope to be thrown a crumb now and then.  It takes more than love to keep a relationship going, and he either can’t, won’t, or doesn’t want too.

While it was, in my opinion just a break down in communication, and was over something so small and ridiculous as a Facebook post that offended him, that is a symptom of the bigger issue.  The issue is that evidentially his feelings for me were not strong enough to be committed at the level mine were.  I cannot fault him for that.  It is either there or it isn’t.  I won’t chase anyone, if their love isn’t freely given without condition, then it isn’t really love and it certainly isn’t worth having.  There are entirely too many men out there more than willing to love me, unconditionally, that have made it very well known they are smitten.

I won’t box up the little gifts, those are special and hold special memories of good times together.  There are no hard  feelings on my part, just a very large crack in my heart.  It will heal.  I’m just thankful that it only took 5 months and not 5 years to come to this, when my heart would have been more deeply rooted in him, making the break even more difficult.

The Count – boxed and being left behind in 2011.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 12 and 13

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

 

These two boxes should be pretty easy to pack up.  They are small issues, though they do tend to mess up my day at some point.

Box #12 

Box 12 is shedding…yes I am guilty of shedding.  No not my hair…my stuff.  As a rule I only shed in my room, it is very rare that anyone will find my shoes, phone, socks or whatever, discarded about the house.  However I am guilty of that in my room.

I walk up with my shoes and drop them by the bed rather than putting them in the closet.

Mail gets dumped on the table just inside the door until there is a tower of it and Pixel knocks it down.

Avon catalogs…yeah same as the mail.

And so it goes.  Over all if you walked in  my room 95% of folks would say it was in order and clean.  But those things stacking up mean I forget to pay a bill that is in the stack, or I cannot find that note I jotted down about a website or book I want to check out.  Stuff stacks up on my Bible and I forget to read it that day because out of sight out of mind, and it just isn’t the solid habit I need it to be.

SO…shedding goes in a box.  No more of this!  In 2012 it gets put in it’s proper place as soon as I take it to my room!

Box #13

My #1 Avon customer.   Um, yeah that would be ME.  I have a tendency to buy more than I should which eats into my baby sitting money and wrecks my neat little budget.  Bad I know.  I don’t keep close track of things like I should on the “Deal Of The Day” and hit the purchase button way too quickly.

My #1 customer is going in a box and being shelved.  I will only buy what I have  profits from my Avon to afford.  And  that will be worked out on a percentage basis for anything that isn’t business tools like brochures, bags etc.  No more buying stuff that is “so darn cute” I just have to have it unless I have the profits from the previous order and then only a percentage is to be spent the rest is to sit in my account toward my goals.

Shelving 2011 ~ Boxes 10 and 11

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box 10

I follow a LOT of blogs, getting probably 2 dozen or more emails a day for new posts.  I cannot begin to read all of those and some I have lost interest in as my life has evolved.  Many I simply followed because they followed me, seemed the thing to do, “I follow back”.  I see now that following and actually FOLLOWING as in reading them, is something totally different.  So, it is time to box up the majority of those blogs by unsubscribing to them.  Lord knows I get enough spam to weed through.  Not saying these are spam, I did subscribe and they are mostly all quality blogs, but my inbox gets so much stuff that trying to find the ones I really do read is just too hard.  So, into the box and onto the shelf with those, just like magazines that come and are never unwrapped from the plastic.

That will also make room for a few more that I find this coming year that I may wish to follow.

Box 11

My junk drawer…or rather drawers.  I have a few that have become catch all spots when I am in a hurry and unsure what to do with things.  Time to get that down to one.  And that one needs attention too.

When I moved out of the marital residence I took all that was my personal items, and some other stuff we agreed too.  Trouble is I have a good number of books and some odds and ends stuff that never get touched and really needs to  just find its way on out to the curb on trash night.  Many of the books would be good additions to a church  library, and others well with the age of digital and ereaders it is time to dump them at the library.  One read on many of them was enough.

This is holding me back in that I often cannot find what I do need for the stuff I don’t need.  And honestly it is that stuff that if the house burned down or blew away, I’d likely not care let alone remember I had it to begin with.  Good sign that it is time to let it go.  And besides it is a lot of stuff that ties me to the past.  I think it is just fine to walk memory lane and even look back to see how far I’ve come, but I don’t need to keep a good portion of it for that purpose.

Guess this week while the baby is sleeping I’ll be cleaning out my closet and drawers!

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 9

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box #9 is a definite problem area for me.  PROCRASTINATION.

It’s a larger box, though not the largest, as this IS a bit more of a problem area than some others.

I have  no idea why I am this way, and it isn’t about everything just certain things.  When it pertains to my Avon business it is a very bad issue, customer service is important.  Some projects I tackle quickly while others for some reason I can start but then I never quite seem to get to them.

So tonight I even started out the practice of not procrastinating.  I called every customer to tell them that I have their orders and set up a delivery schedule.  I have no earthly idea why this has been a task I put off, as I am plenty social and love getting to know my customers, but it is!  Well tonight I determined not to do that and I broke the mold.  I know from a recent webinar I attended that I need to train my brain, alter my way of thinking about things.  I’m working on that.

Eat That Frog was a great book dealing with 21 ways to stop procrastinating.  Thinking I might want to re-read that.

SO from now on, I’m shelving this bad habit and determining to “eat my frogs” every single day!

Shelving 2011 – Box 8

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.
This box is far more important to me, therefore it’s a larger one.  And when you dump 52 items in there it needs space.  Well okay even more than 52, but hey the number matters little.

Church Excuses.

Well excuses NOT to go to church.  I have a million of them, the  primary one of late being that Sundays are usually my day with Steve and since our time together is only once a week due to his job, I basically blow off church to be with him as early as possible on Sunday.  I know, not good. How can I expect that relationship to work if I’m not where I should be spiritually?  Not to mention  I know he reads his Bible, and would very likely attend church with me.

Another reason, and a big one for the church I dearly love, is frankly I am sick of being judged.  Not by most of the people there, but some.  But that is for another post, maybe tomorrow.

Now, there are other reasons I’ve had…was sick, was working my business trying to get it up and running, was out of town…but it all boils down to one thing, and one thing only.  My heart.

Oh I am a believer, no question.  I love God’s word, no question.  But I was letting my human heart guide me.  So what if I am judged?  The only One that knows my heart is the only one that matters. I NEED that weekly shot in the arm, the food of God’s word I can get on my own but I need His people and the accountability.

Going back to my former church was very difficult, mostly because I knew so many people were aware of where my feet had walked, the things I had done, and that in the midst of it all my marriage had failed.  It was hard to go back there, where I had been with hubby and kids, now as a single woman.  And yet I still managed to suck it up and go back again.  But I was on fragile ground and when I was judged I let myself walk away.

In the back of my mind I can hear the voice of my friend, and spiritual mentor, and I know that this is a heart issue that I have.  So, again I am going to go back, no excuses.  All excuses are going into the box, box #8, and being put on the shelf.  I’m also going to ask to meet with someone for some counseling on a spiritual level, as I really need to stop running away.

It’s all part of the real me emerging, from under the cover of the mask I wore for so long.  The one that let the world believe for a while that I was happy in that dark pit next to the path.  I was not happy.  I am now. But I’m still not  where I need to be.

And Jesse S., if you are reading this, pray for me, my young, encouraging friend.  Tell your mom to keep a spot for me. I’ve not abandoned my faith, my spirit and my flesh have been wrestling and I need all the Divine push I can get.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 7

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

I meant to do this one yesterday but work got in the way of writing. Box 8 WILL get posted today as well, then I’ll be back on track! :)

I'm about to vent, consider yourself warned!

Box #7 is long overdue in being packed up and frankly should be stuffed in the fireplace and burned  so it cannot ever again be opened, sending the contents into the air in smoke and ashes.

I’m shelving all things:  QFB/Queenie

It is so time to PURGE you from my life..you, the beer koozies you made me, the nose rings, and other assorted items given me by you that are now just a constant reminder of the knives (yes many) sticking in my back from you over the years.  Yes sweetie, as you strut around trying to act like YOU are the victim, me and many  others know you for the drama queen you really are!

At a time when I was shattered emotionally, you turned on me and did all you could to try to sway opinion against me, even making up and implying to people that I might have an STD!  For a long time I could not figure out what I had done to you to deserve that, then I was set straight by some of the very people you thought you could trust: I was a threat.  You are one of the most insecure people I’ve ever met.  I posed a threat to you in that someone might prefer to be with me, especially once I was the single girl.  The wicked queen discovered her magic mirror might have told her she was the fairest in the land, but no one aside from her knight was in agreement.

I cared about you and yours, loved all of you very much.

I trusted you, poured my heart out to you and came to you for advice when my world flipped on end.

You stabbed me in the back over and over again.

You are a cold hearted, manipulative, mean and hateful person.

You are a liar.

Queen? Only of drama and where it isn’t you will do your damnedest to stir it up if it will get you pity and attention.

You use people as friends to keep them where you want them and use them until they no longer serve your needs then you boot them aside.

The ones you call friends, you’ve spoken ill of all of them.  You’ve not had a change of heart, you’ve had a change of NEED where they are concerned so for now they are your friends.

Frankly I believe you are evil personified.

If you REALLY didn’t want people to draw sides in your daily drama fests, you’d not mention it at all or elude to it as you always do on Facebook, Twitter and IM statuses. (Yes I see it all – careful who your “friends” are, you’d be so surprised by who ISN’T what you have come to believe.

At a time when I was regrounding my faith and trying to get my life in order,  you wrote my pastor, pretending to be a concerned christian wanting to alert him of what type of woman was in his congregation.  Just had to be sure he knew how imperfect I was and that I had been in the lifestyle. (sorry but I had beat you to the punch, EVERYONE knew where I had been, and were well aware when that email came exactly what and who you were and still are too)  Pot meet kettle?  And you take your kids to church? I’m kinda surprised, no offense, that the walls haven’t fallen in on you!

And the dumb thing was I still cared about YOU!  I know, what a dumb ass I was!

Thanks QFB for SUPER FANTASTIC!

Well I am done coming across something and wondering where things went wrong, actually missing your laugh and smile, your ‘friendship’ (with friends like you, who has need of enemies?). Sadly it also means severing the connection (already sliced actually)  with the means of being kept aware of the latest thing the ‘royal’ one is doing or may have said regarding me.

Now go on, go whine on your Facebook and elude to it and how you are “not going to talk about, taking the high road, blah blah blah” so everyone can ask you what is wrong and fawn over your poor, little victim self.  Meanwhile, you are now dead to me, you no longer exist as far as I’m concerned.

DAMN it feels good to get that off my chest, out of my system, and shelved!

 

If the crown fits...

Shelving 2011 ~ Box 5 and 6

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life.  The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Box #5

For years now I have ‘colored’ my  hair.  I am a natural blond but my blond hair is more of the dishwater blond.  I’ve had it highlighted then one day my stylist suggested she also dye it a few shades lighter than my natural color before adding highlights to make the roots not appear so dramatic between touch ups.  My  highlights and the other color took me to ‘skanky blond’ as she and I referred to it.  And I loved it very much when I was tanning every week and maintaining a Malibu look.  But I stopped tanning 2 years ago, and frankly, $65 plus tip is killing my budget every 2 or 3 months.  I just cannot see spending the money.  Not to mention I’d kind of like to see just what that natural color looks like!  It has been a very long time since I was just me!

So, for now, I’m shelving that skanky blond version of me and letting my roots grow out and be just me.  For all I know there is gray in there, but until I give it a shot I’ll never know!

How is it holding me back? Well other than the financial side, I need to be just me, Marti.  In all my marvelousness without the fuss.  I need to know me without covering things up, just me.

BOX #6

Nails…nothing is quite as feminine as nice, long nails.  And nothing says PURGE THIS like realizing I spend over $800 a year having my nails done.  4 times a year I have a new set put on to the tune of $42 each round (with tip!)  Then $25 each time I go fill them (26 times a year).

I’ve had nails for roughly 9 years straight now.  I  love them, feel more feminine with them, and they are costing me a lot of money I really don’t need to spend. Underlying reason for them? To make myself more attractive outwardly.  But why and to whom?  I am not the sum total of my hair and nails.  For that matter my make-up but I’m not getting that radical *wink*.  I am attractive outwardly without skanky hair and acrylic nails.  And inside I am a very attractive person (or so I am told) and nothing I do to the outside matters a hill of beans compared to who I am inside!

I am one marvelous and amazing woman in heels, sexy clothes, skanky blond hair and nails, or without all that in jeans, a hoodie and sitting around a fire pit with good friends and a beer with my natural color and my own nails, or standing beside my partner as their #1 cheerleader and support.  So, in purging things that are holding me back from being ME, I’m ditching the nails too.  Not necessary.

Shelving 2011 ~ Box #4

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

Before I launch into the boxing up of #4, I wanted to pat myself on the back.  I indeed trimmed the number of folks I follow on Twitter  down to 55.  It feels  so good not to have to scroll past stuff I don’t care about or simply do not have time for at this point in my life!

Many are the times I’ve kept clothes thinking “oh one day maybe I’ll wear that…” only to have things in my closet that I do not need nor will I.  Right now there still hangs in my walk in closet, attire I will never wear again.  Things that I cherished at a different time in my life but are no longer things I would be caught dead wearing.  Some is intimate apparel that the ex bought for me, and I’ll not wear that for anyone else, other stuff is clothing that is out dated or stuff as I said, from days gone by and a way of life that I no longer participate in.  It is time to say good bye to those items.

Their  presence is disturbing to me.  I thought keeping them would be a good thing, a reminder of the person I am NOT to be, and a way of life that I feel is wrong on more levels than I can find to call right.  I thought it would help me to stay focused.  Instead it is a constant reminder of things I’d like to forget, the feeling of being used, like a blow up doll, and discarded.  They give negative vibs that make me feel dirty and cheap.

So, in the process of shelving things those items are out of here.  Almost the final pieces of a time in my life I prefer to forget about.  Other pieces (and some people) will be boxed in the coming days, but this is one more step toward eliminating things I feel are holding me back from growing into who I am meant to be.

Shelving 2011 – Boxes 1, 2 and 3

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I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011 covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.

I’m getting a slightly late start on this but I am determined to find and purge 31 things, people, time wasters…whatever it is that I feel is holding me back from moving forward, growing, changing and becoming all I can be.  Not everything is negative, in fact most likely is not.  But all are things I see that stunt my growth in some way, shape or form.  Feel free to do the  same, I think it will be a fantastic way rid life of  what just needs to go!

Box #1

I am hanging up my overalls and leaving the farm.  Farmville that is.  I can no longer be concerned about when my virtual chickens have layed eggs, or the cows need to be milked, dogs need grooming, ripened fruit on trees of pixels needs picking or my crops in my fields need to be harvested before they wilt.  Let the barn fall in on itself and the house that couldn’t begin to contain the little virtual woman that is supposed to be me (her head is entirely too large for her body as it is and the boobs entirely too small) can fall into disarray.  I don’t want or need help building Santa’s sleigh (really?) or growing ridiculous plants that do not even exist in the real world.  I most certainly do not need to be spending REAL money to buy virtual crap to use on a farm that only exists on my computer screen.  Same goes for YoVille and any other ‘ville’ on Facebook.  Into the box you go to be sealed and shelved and left behind. I am allowing myself 2 games online that do not require me to participate if I don’t have time…in other words nothing dies, wilts, or needs the stalls cleaned if I don’t play for a few days.

I have kids to care for during the week days and a business to build, things that pay me REAL money to purchase REAL things that I need and want.  No more time wasted on worlds that do not really exist.

Box # 2

Television brings into our homes various forms of entertainment such as sitcoms, dramas, movies and talk shows.  I’m not saying it is all bad, some is actually educational.  But it is like a drug that can suck me in and keep me sitting on the couch when I could be cleaning, reading, or out working my Avon business.

I am not eliminating ALL TV from my life, but reruns of shows and movies I have already seen are being purged.  I love, for example NCIS.  Almost every weekend there are marathons of episodes of the show that I have already seen, and yet I will turn it on and watch them…again…and again and again and again.  Heck I’ve seen the pilot, ‘Yankie White’ at least 3 times in the past 2 weeks!  I had seen it long ago several times.  That is 3 hours of my valuable, cannot get it back ever again, time!  Those are 3 hours I could have gone and thrown brochures, called and follow-up with customers, written thank-you notes or a newsletter for my customers and down-line team.

I am all for relaxing but not to things I have already seen.  That is a total waste of my time and from now on I am not watching an episode of any show that I have already seen, be it Criminal Minds, NCIS, whatever.  I can listen to a motivational speaker or Avon rich and famous interview while working on crochet projects.  I can read or work my business in the evenings.  Heck  even go take a walk to work off some of this fat on my butt.  But I cannot see wasting another single minute on an episode of something or a movie I have already seen.  Too much of value can be done with that time.

Box #3

Tweet tweet…Yes Twitter.  You need to be contained.  Oh not eliminated but there is an overhaul that needs to be done.  I have 3 or 4 accounts now.  Too many to say the least.  One that is just family, one for Avon, one for whatever (the only one I use!) and others.  I’m done with that.  I’m also done following half the free world.

Some members of my family  had complained at one time that I retweeted things they weren’t interested in, well too bad.  I am going to ONE Twitter account, MarviMarti.  I simply cannot begin to keep up with more than one account.  The rest are outta here.  Dear family members and friends, if you want to follow me, then do so, or don’t.  But my Twitter account is MY micro-blog and I’ll tweet out whatever I want there.  I follow you, and not because everything you post is of interest, but rather YOU are of interest so the things important enough to you to post, become important to me.  140 characters to read and move on.  Don’t like it? Don’t follow me. But if you do follow me don’t complain.

I am also trimming down the number of folks I follow on Twitter.  Currently down to 85 but that is going to get cut back as well.  Right now I’m imposing a limit of 55.  That means cutting out 20 more from the feed.  May even go to less than that but for now 55.  In order to add one after that, one must be removed.   I knew this had to happen when I was scrolling past hundreds of tweets to get to current ones on my Droid.  If they were not important enough to stop and read, then they aren’t important at all.

Life’s Changing Landscape – Shelving 2011

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1st day of the last month of 2011! Time to decide what’s going w/ u into 2012..& leave everything else on the shelf! – The Single Woman

That was the quote off a tweet from Amanda Hale, aka – The Single Woman.  I started following her blog and twitter when my marriage ended.  Her blog post from 12/1/2011 talked about how she enjoys the first day of a new month for its fresh start, and how it is time to start removing things from our life that are holding us back, making us less than what we can be.  Time to shelve those things and head into 2012 with a clean slate, 2012 being a new chapter in life and time to remove the pages of our story that just are not working for us.

It’s funny, mom says it a lot lately, how much our life landscape changes in just a year.  This time last year I had changed jobs from office manager of the paint company to managing the office of the heating and air company.  Christmas was our first in the Diva Den house, we had just passed the first Thanksgiving here.  We had lost a sister-in-law who turned her back on us after she and my brother parted ways, her bitterness directed at us, but we gained his new love who fit so perfectly into our lives like she had always been here.  I was struggling with a holiday season that no longer was in the house I loved for 18 years, all of my Christmas memories were in ornaments on the ex-husband’s tree, in the marital residence.  My “baby’s first Christmas”  ones, special ones that had been received or purchased, each precious for one reason or another.  I was without those things and starting over as if they had blown away or burned in a fire.  I was unstable emotionally making the adjustment.  I even went out and purchased an ornament for the tree here that was all mine, as I had nothing among the ornaments going on the tree that had been my mom’s and then my mom’s, sister’s and nieces.  We ended up buying all new ones as we were starting over together.

2011 has been a year of growth and change for me.  I went through many firsts as a single woman, allowing ME to come out and shedding those things about myself that I really did not need or want.  I peeled off the layers of things I would think, say or do to please someone else, allowing the real me out again for the first time.  Many baby steps later I find myself walking confidently as just me, the marvelous woman that I am, with no apologies.  It is SO liberating.  I don’t do anything I don’t want too anymore, because the only person I have to impress is the one looking back at me each day in the mirror.

I did that whole 30 days of being thankful last year, and this year just blogged about 30 things I am thankful for and was done.  Now, as we close out the end of 2011, I have decided to think hard about things and determine what it is I am going to leave on the shelf, back  here in this year, and not take it with me into 2012.  This may require  some venting, and sometimes the read may not be to someone’s liking.  Fair warning, IT AIN’T ABOUT YOU! This is about me, unpacking some mental and emotional items that are weighing me down and need to be stuck here in storage.  If you find yourself on the shelf, I obviously had something that needed to be unpacked so I don’t take you or the issue with me into the new year.  Feel free to comment when the time comes,  I don’t censor those except to  keep ads from showing up from spam bots.  Better yet, get your own blog, it is very therapeutic.

So, today we begin the shelving process,  with a new category of blog posts:  Shelving 2011