Category Archives: Monday Memos

Monday Memos

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Monday MemosDear Self, 

Nothing beats a really good book that grabs you and keeps your interest, something you just do not want to put down.  Even better is when that book has a “part 2″ and it is very inexpensive so you download it right away and start reading.  After all, having a Kindle means no driving to the book store, which happened to be closed upon reaching the end of book #1, so even better.

However, while the books were indeed very good and recommended reads, perhaps 2:30am was just a little late (or maybe early depending if you mean late at night or early in the morning) to stay awake and finish a book.  You are not 18 anymore, you NEED a good night of sleep just to resemble ‘normal’ on your best day.  So, what do you think, maybe leave the Kindle in your purse tonight and go to bed early?

Love,
Me

Dear Amazing Individual Responsible For Coffee,

I don’t know you.  I have no idea whatever possessed you to grind up coffee beans and mix them with hot water to create this glorious potion in my cup, but I cannot thank you enough.  There simply are no adequate words.  No doubt you were given gold wings when you arrived at the pearly gates as a reward.

In awe,
Caffeine Addict

P.S. – every living creature on  2 or 4 legs that crosses my path each morning sends their unabashed gratitude as well.

Dear Scale,

Okay, I get it, time to duct tape my mouth shut.  The screaming in agony was really uncalled for, even if my ass is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. RUDE!

Regards,
Pleasantly Plump

Dear I-75N Morning Commuters,

When traffic that normally cruises down the highway, far exceeding the posted speed limit, is suddenly at a stand-still, then inching along, I expect carnage!  Twisted steel, shattered glass, maybe even body parts and blood on the pavement, a life-less hand sticking out from under a sheet.  Sun is NOT an excuse to suddenly screetch to a halt and then drive along trying to see through your fingers and dirty windshield.  BUY A PAIR OF GOOD SUNGLASSES!!  Nearly every stop-n-rob and gas station has a rack of eye protection that varies in price so there is something for every budget.  You all drive this same route every day, this is not a new event, it should not come as a shocker!

You should also consider GETTING OFF THE CELL PHONE so you have a free hand to shield your eyes, and put down the coffee for the same reason.

Sincerely,
Thinks Road Rage Might Be Justifiable – Thank whoever discovered coffee that I’ve not aimed my grandpa’s proverbial “gun that shot sh*t” at your car and opened fire.

Monday Memos

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Dear Noel,

I get that you are the top cat in the house.  For the record you are also the biggest and heaviest of the felines allowing us to feed and house them.

So what happened?  You normally will not step paw one into my room, as it is Pixel’s sleeping place and you usually respect that fact.  If I look at you, then you suddenly exit the room in a hurry.  Until 4am this morning when I woke to you laying on my chest.  For the record, yes, you purring is kind of soothing, and it was nice and warm.  However, you are a bit of a lard-butt when it comes to cats.  And breathing IS kind of necessary for me to continue to live, fill the food bowls and clean your litter box.

Next time, just curl up by my leg like Pixel does, if you insist on suddenly sleeping with us.

Humbly,
The Feline Feeder & Litter Cleaner Upper

Dear Warner Cable,

REALLY????

I mean REALLY REALLY????

We call you on Saturday because suddenly our cable, that was working just dandy Friday evening, is no longer functioning.  You remotely reset/boot all the boxes in the house (which by the way is just kinda creepy that you can do that).  The boxes all go into an eternal state of rebooting over and over.  We follow all of your help desk’s scripted instructions spoken in barely discernible English by a warm body in another country, unplugging, re-plugging, only to be told a technician will have to come see what the issue is on Monday.  We did without football on our TV, Once Upon A Time, The Walking Dead, 666 Park Avenue, and then suddenly the boxes are back on and the cable is working within an hour of the expected ETA of the technician, as if by magic??????  Are you sure it wasn’t just that no one was available this past weekend to throw the right switch or reboot YOUR box?

Grrrrrrr,
Wants Credit For Missed Days Of Television

Dear SparkPeople,

I thank you profusely for your FREE, diet and fitness website.  OMG nothing like tracking everything going in the mouth to suddenly make healthier food choices in order to spread those daily calories out a bit.  And yes, I know, those healthy carbs, some fat and the protein are very important to functioning fully.  Not to mention the 8 glasses of water a day I’m drinking again.  As one who easily is dehydrated that probably SHOULD be a good thing but I am not a big fan of drinking water.  But okay, I’m on it.  Heck I get to earn Spark Points, and I’m all about earning virtual points for virtual stuff, just ask FourSquare when I check in all over town and hold virtual Mayorship of dozens of places including our upstairs bathroom.

Seriously, I love the site, love the free everything on there and the exercise videos.  You all rock!

Gratefully,
My Future Slimmer, Fitter Me

Monday Memos

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Dear Neighbor,

I want to first tell you that I love animals, especially dogs, cats and deer.  The cats I am quite certain you’ve picked up on as there are 3 of them in this house and whenever there are open windows they all sit in the window watching the world (we call this kitty cat television with surround sound when the window is open).

You know I love dogs as I have been known to doggie sit my daughter’s little Yorkie, Penny, when she is away.  We’ve had the Akita on the back deck for a day too, though we regret that she was not allowed in the house as she views the cats as 4-legged snack food.   But I’m hijacking this memo….

I love deer, and that is one thing I dearly love about living in this house, the woods behind us and the deer that are often seen grazing in the back yard.

What I do NOT love is your obnoxious dog that never stops barking and has kept the deer away.  Put him out to do his business then bring his sorry, barking tail inside so we don’t have to hear him all day and the deer will return.

Kind Regards,

Growing Tired Of The Barking

:)

Dear Bengals,

That really was not an impressive game yesterday.  Last week’s win was not very pretty but then I’ll take a win any way we can have it.  But really, when you are down by 4 so close to the end of the game, is 4th down and 5 really NOT a good excuse to just freaking GO FOR IT????? What did you have to lose at that point?  SIGH, being a fan of your stripes is not easy most Sundays.  Please, get it together.

A disgruntled fan

P.S. – Bravo Colts!

:(

Dear Kurt Sutter,

I got hooked on your show after being an ‘old lady’ to a biker for a while who was a member of an outlaw motorcycle club.  I love the show, the realism of it all, but really, did it have to be Opie????  I suppose it IS realistic that way, but wow did not see that one coming!  I’m on the edge of my seat this season, cringing, crying, laughing and cheering on the bad boys each week.  By far this is the best season you’ve written.  I’ll forgive you for killing off main characters, as long as you leave Gemma, Tara and Jax alone.   I think we need more episodes of Jax & Juice without shirts on. *panting*

Sincerely,

A devoted Sons Of Anarchy Fan

:)

Dear FarmVille2

I hate you.  No offense but really I hate you.  I have a business to run, and while I’m out there building my team and trying to keep the business going, I’m back to worrying about crops withering in fields and chickens going hungry.  Please, help a farmer out here and get an app for that please!  At least then I can milk the cows while on the go!

Regretfully,

Farming Pixel Produce Again

:(

Dear Cyber Stalking Chick,

Shame on you!  I am told you lost someone to suicide who was a victim of being  bullied.  They also tell me you were under psychiatric care yourself for being a victim of bullying.  And now you are yourself a bully!  You should be ashamed of yourself!  By the way, be careful dear, not everyone is really your friend, and they have tossed you under the bus this time.  What  you are doing is  a crime, move on and fascinate someone else, my patience is wearing ever so thin.  Get a life that doesn’t involve me or mine.

Fed Up,

Time For Serious Legal Action

Monday Memos ~ From Aboard The Ark

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Okay slight exaggeration but it IS raining, dreary and wet here.  Every creek I passed was up to the top, ready to spill over it’s banks and rushing and churning.

As much as 5 inches of rain fell last night…in other words TOO much.

Thankfully it seems to have stopped raining.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Count,

Thank you for another fantastic day.  I love history and historical places.  Touring a WWII Navy ship was indeed a neat way to spend a day.  I enjoyed the knowledge you shared from your own 8 years of experience in the Navy.  Every minute I spend with you is a treasure, you always make me feel very special. I’m looking forward to going back to Aurora next weekend to tour the mansion.

Love,

Me

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Son,

I love you bunches, and nothing would be more relaxing than sitting around the fire pit with you, your fiance, your little sister and some beer.  However, not sure dear old daddy is ready to have me in his backyard hanging with the kids. Face it, I will need to use the bathroom at some point and I don’t think he is real comfy with me being in his house when he is not there. It is a respect thing so for now let’s not push his comfort zone.  But thanks for inviting me, that alone made me warm inside. You’re the best!

Love,

Mom

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Colts,

I get that a huge part of your offense was Peyton Manning. But really, the team is far more than him.  Nice job keeping the score from being a complete humiliation at the hands of the Steelers, but let’s pull this together and get serious, time for a win.

Sincerely,

A new fan

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Bengals,

tough luck….NOT!  Was not at all sorry to see you lose yesterday.

A former fan

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Writer’s Block,

Take a hike already!  I NEED the therapy of writing and you are not helping me one bit.  Be gone, go plug up someone else’s creative channels for a bit.

Me

Monday Memos ~ Lazy Day Edition

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Okay so yes it is Labor Day, but I’m having a lazy day, so it’s my lazy day edition.  Lazy because I have NOTHING at all to do.  No kids to watch, no where to go, been there, done that, have the day OFF.  Sadly that means off from The Count too, as he has to work.  Ripping out and tiling a bathroom doesn’t sound like the way to spend a holiday to me but the money is too good to pass up.

Dear Self,

Okay sweetheart, off the pity party bus.  I have been having myself a bit of a pity fest over the lack of time I get with my kids,  and the amount of time their dad, daddy’s girlfriend and others that frequent the marital residence and pool/hot tub get to spend with my babies.  Seeds of bitterness that  land on the soil of my heart are usually quickly eaten up by birds of positive thoughts.  I guess it was my ‘blue’ day of PMS, but I let it get to me yesterday and the day before a bit, causing some of those seeds to take root and become seedlings with the potential to be seriously rooted weeds that would be no good to anyone.  A few tears and a pep talk from The Count and I grabbed a virtual garden tool and yanked those growths by the roots.  Not prudent to allow that.  After all, if hate starts growing that is free rent space in my heart and mind granted to the former prince who deserves no space, even at outrageous prices, right?

Love,

Me

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Cats,

The food in all of the food bowls is exactly the same.  Poured from the same bag into the bin, then scooped from said bin into each food bowl.  It most certainly is NOT different nor does it taste better from the oval bowl than it does from the round one.  When the oval one is empty, eat out of the other bowl!  Do not lay in the upstairs hallway carrying on like you are dying until we fill the pink bowl.  Get a grip on yourself, especially you, Noel.  The 3 of you are worse than a bunch of children!

Sincerely,

The Staff

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Self,

Never again ruin a cup of perfectly wonderful coffee by putting creamer in it.  GROSS, GAG, PUKE!  Stick to black, it is far better that way.

Love,

Me

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Schleprock,

Look neighbor, this is the 4th time in 7 days that you are cutting your grass.  The yard is huge and you own a riding mower, yet you use that old push version.  All of the neighbors are onto you, this is a way to avoid being stuck in the house talking to the wife, isn’t it?  Trust me sweetie, if we all figured it out, she has too.  No  one’s grass grows this fast.  You are not fooling anyone when you shovel .5 inches  of snow over and over, same reason we get it.

Whatever you finally used to make your shutters stay attached to the house, seems to be working.  But we did find it very entertaining to watch one fall off in every storm and you out there angrily tossing it into the garage, along with the down spout that fell off the roof onto the wife’s car.  Sorry we so easily amused at your antics and bad luck at upkeep on the homestead,  but we simply cannot help it.

The Diva Den

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Count,

Thanks SO much for another fantastic weekend.  You rock my world and I am enjoying this relationship so very much. Watching it unfold at it’s own pace and relaxing and soaking in your attention and affection has been nothing short of amazing.  The way you look at me gives me butterflies and turns me inside out.   Be careful and gentle with my heart, it is a fragile thing but I entrust it to your care.

I am having so much fun and have such sweet memories in simple things like the festival and bingo with corn, being hand fed french fries in the rain, and watching  turtle races.  I still want to know what made those little things run that fast! :)

You are by far the best!

Love,

Me

*for the curious, I added the Count’s photo (with his permission) to the Supporting Cast page*

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Monday Memos

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I am SO tired today, but don’t get me wrong, zero complaints just stating the fact.

Friday night was the Delhi Skirt Game, and the Pink Avon Divas of district 4156 were there raffling off goodies.  It was hot and sticky but we did get enough of a breeze to keep it bearable.  It also did not hurt that my honey was there, working with us and keeping my heart a flutter and making me smile every time he looked in my eyes.  I was on cloud 13 (my lucky number cloud) all evening.  I swear I am the single, luckiest woman.  I thought these kind of men were the figment of romance author’s imaginations, I had no idea they really exist!  He is everything I have ever dreamed of in a man and more.  He has my complete love and respect.

Saturday morning I had to work a rummage sale, but Saturday late afternoon through Sunday night belonged to my king.  Yes, king, the standard is far higher than a prince could ever hope to achieve.  He took me away for a night of all romance and candle light, it was wonderful.  He has my heart, I have his, and I’m believing in happily ever after again.  :)

I am SO tired today.  I was  in bed roaming through dreamland at 10pm, with a brief storm interruption, but still had such a hard time pulling myself out of bed today. If I get enough coffee in me no telling what I might write about later, but for  now,  on to Monday Memos, as the Meet Me On Monday meme seems to be on a break for now:

Dear One Who Holds My Heart,

Thank you for such a wonderful weekend.  I love  you.

Dear Self,

Maybe being up so late then up so early so many days  in a row is not the smartest  of schedules?  Oh well, charity events are worth it.

Dear Heart,

Who knew fairy tales could indeed come true, that love can be amazing, and that there really are men who  exceed the level of prince charming and are true kings when it  comes to love.  It seems happily ever after is possible after all.  I’d suggest continued caution but you are  so far beyond that and he has your heart wrapped around his already.  Soak it up but always remember to return it to him 10 fold. He is so worth it.

Dear 2 year  old,

Miss Marti will always win the battle of the wills, she is the most stubborn person you will ever encounter in your life, trust me.  I told you so, sweet, adorable little boy.  Miss Marti – 1, 2yo – 0.  I  love you little Mr. Man, thanks for finally seeing it my way.

Dear Farmville,

I hate you, you evil addiction.  My crops are withered again, my animals are all waiting and the trees are ripe.  I’m hooked on a bunch of pixels.  Ugh.

Dear Pixel Kitten,

I am sorry mama stayed away over night again, please forgive me that you had to sleep alone IF you chose to come sleep with me at all (we both know this is not all that frequent any longer).  I do have a life apart from you, my adorable cat, you’ll survive without me now and  then.  Oh, and the king of my heart? Yes, he hates cats.  Behave so I can convince him that you will be apart of the royal family when we move into the castle.

Dear Larry Flynt,

You are scum of the earth and may there be a special place in hell for you, attempting to profit off the death of a beautiful child.

Dear Jeff Ruby,

Bravo for  O’Jaying Mr. Flynt, may your profits soar through the ceiling, and may there be a special place in heaven for you.

Monday Memos

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Dear Readers,

I apologize to those that came looking for the Dating Diaries post about a recent relationship, it was taken down last night.   Seems I gave my word of non-disclosure.  I don’t recall this, I don’t like it, do not like having my writing wings clipped, however I trust this person, one of precious few, with my life, so if he says I agreed to never disclose, I will take him at his word and keep mine.

~*~

Dear Mr. Twisted Steel And Sex Appeal/Wonderful,

Thanks for not saying “I told you so” even though it is there in your eyes and that fabulous smile of yours.  I love you, my wonderful friend.  Maybe I should let you hold the keys to my heart for safe keeping?

~*~

Dear Self,

Heated discussions until 2am are NOT in your best interest. For that matter ANY discussions until that hour.  You are too old to be up so late, or so early, guess that depends on the perspective?  Either way, more sleep is in your best interest tonight.  Until then, bring on the coffee!

~*~

Dear Self,

That bruise on the top of your left foot that will be forming for the next few hours, yes the one that hurts like flipping hell at the moment? Later this week when you cannot recall what it is from, it is where you kicked the end of the railing climbing over the baby gate. Just for the record.

~*~

Dear Neighbor,

The chalkboard easel is a total hit! You rock, woman!  Score one for making the little people I care for very happy!  I owe you a cold one!

~*~

Monday Memos….

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Dear BMV,

Really?? We used to be able to renew the plates on the car and our driver’s license anytime in the month of our expiration/birthday.  Now suddenly we have 7 days and then get hit with a $20 fine?  You sadistic, greedy bastards!  My life is not that easy to manage that I can SQUEEZE this crap into 7 days.  And what you charge for personalized plates is highway robbery. You should be ashamed!

~*~

Dear Mt. Washmore,

Consider yourself warned, today I launch the attack with the big guns! I will conquer you before 5pm!!! Brace yourself, washer and dryer, the battle is on!

~*~

Dear Mother Nature,

Southwest Ohio is NOT the rain forest.  Back off on the constant rain please.  Also, today it is a mere 48 degrees.  Really? It is May 16th, could you push it up a bit to say mid 70′s? Thanks a bunch!

Monday Memos

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Dear Self,

Staying up late all weekend will always equal a very tired Marti  come Monday morning.  Do not grumble at the coffee maker simply because you aren’t smart enough to know when enough is enough.   On the other hand, I’d love a do over with perhaps a minor modification, what a FANTASTIC time. :)

~*~

Dear Ditzy & Pixel,

Look cats, the bed is MINE.  It is only full size and therefore there is only so much room available.  I was here first.  I am happy to share the space if you insist on both sleeping with me but get this through your cute little heads, if I chose to change position and roll over, you are not owed a love fest for your inconvenience.   If this does not meet with your satisfaction there are 4 other beds in this house you can go snooze on!

~*~

Dear Mother Nature,

Enough with the duck weather already.  The backyard is in danger of swimming away and I melt in the rain as it is.  No, it is NOT the same thing as a hot tub.  That usually involves hot, relaxing water, not moisture that is cold and blowing in my face.

~*~

Dear Alarm Clock,

We need to talk.  I cannot hold you responsible for the time I request to be awake each morning.  However could you possibly change your approach?  That loud, annoying noise you make has to go.  I’d like it replaced with a sexy, male voice that will gently coax me awake…something like “come on beautiful, time to wake that sexy self up and saunter out of bed to the shower….”.  I expect this from now on!  Bonus points for a French accent.

~*~

 

Monday Memos

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Dear Severe Thunderstorm,

Really???? 4:45am you are waking me up with lightening and thunder??? Please, your timing totally sucks, go fascinate someone else at that hour, you very windy fear monger, I don’t like you and did not appreciate that one bit!

Dear Ulcerative Colitis

NOT NOW PLEASE!!!  This is NOT a good time to be rearing your very mean, unmerciful head.  I cannot afford to have you out of remission, go back where you came from and I’ll let you know when it is a good time, okay?

Dear Mom & Pancakes,

Great comfort food, for dinner especially!! YUMMY!!!

Dear Pixel and Ditzy Kittens,

Please please please let me sleep in come morning.   PLEASE!!!

Monday Memos

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Due to the hostess of Meet Me On Monday taking a break, I’ve decided to start Monday Memos.   Short little  notes to whoever  or whatever happens to strike my fancy at the moment.  Who knows, maybe I will turn it into a meme if I can ever figure out how to get a  linky tool to really function well.  And then there is not knowing if there is any interest!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Pixel & Ditzy

I didn’t have to get up today.  I realize that you are hungry, but you aren’t going to starve to death  if you have to wait until I FEEL LIKE GETTING UP to feed you.  My bed is not your play ground, please resist the urge to play “cat and the mole” under my blankets when I’m trying to sleep.

Dear Menopause

Okay this business of walking around in my own personal tropical climate COULD have its benefits if only I had control over the switch that brings on the sudden hot flashes and sweating.  Until you can provide me with such ability could you go fascinate  someone else? Thanks.

Dear Bunn Home Coffee Maker

You are without a doubt my favorite kitchen appliance.  A fresh pot of coffee in under 3 minutes, who could ever complain?

Dear Little Seedlings of Diva Angie

Diva Angie's Seedling Nursery

Please grow, please please please!!! Don’t make me come down there and sing to you!  Yeah, that is what I thought, scary thought isn’t it?  We get that it is only your third day snuggled into the fresh soil of your cute little nurseries, but GROW, DAMN IT!

Dear Creator of Angry Birds

I hate you.  This  stupid game on my phone is taking over my free time.  I have no will power, I want to kill the pigs.  Helmets? REALLY???? ON PIGS????  Perhaps there is a special place in hell for sadistic people like you!