Category Archives: Controversial

DO NOT Put Your Loved Ones In The Closet!

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*Disclaimer: no this has NOTHING to do with my current love – he loves me and mine just as we are.

We’ve all done it…asked someone we love to ‘hide’ something about themselves when we take them around to be introduced to our friends or a potential significant other.  That or when we are bringing those individuals home to meet the family we ask everyone to temporarily (or permanently) exchange who they are to make sure we are putting forth a good first impression.  Examples I have encountered is guys removing earrings, or  girls  removing their nose rings, either sex removing ear gages or covering up tattoos.  Or if two people we love maybe aren’t married and are living together, or maybe are gay, we ask the ‘different one’, to keep their uniqueness unknown or in the shadows so as not to offend the new love interest or their family or our new friends.  On the surface this might seem okay, it certainly has to me in years gone by.  But after 48 years of circling the sun on this planet I’ve wised up in many ways.

The people that I love are important to me.  My parents, my siblings, my children, nieces and nephews, even dear friends.  No one I know or love is perfect, everyone of those that are priceless to me have quirks and imperfections.  And each is a unique individual.  I  know them by who they are INSIDE, not just outside.  Our exteriors are going to change, some for the better (don’t you just love those that look better as they age?) and others for the worse.  I don’t love my future sister-in-law  because she has tattoos, I love her because of the strong, amazing, wonderful woman she is INSIDE!  I also happen to have ink envy, I very much love her tattoos!

I  love my baby brother, not because of his ink down his leg, but for the incredible man he is INSIDE. I  love my other brother not because he doesn’t have tattoos, but because of the wonderful man living inside his inkless shell. I don’t judge one for his hair,  or the other one for the lack of it, I love these men for who they are and have become.  I love my baby sister for the intelligent, caring, giving person she is INSIDE, not the color of her hair this month, which is subject to change frequently.  Her worth is on the INSIDE.

There was a time in my life I judged folks by what I saw on the outside, that is until I began to ‘decorate’ my outer package to my own liking.  I triple pierced both ears, very radical at the time I did this.  Later I had the top of my left ear pierced and then my nose.  Just a tiny diamond but still it is ‘different’.  Then, when I was 40, I got my first tattoo.  I now have 3 of them, and I love each one.  My  ink and piercings do not define who I am, they are simply part of the wrapping paper of the package that is me.  That wrapping happens to have some scars in it, from surgery to enhance parts of me that I was unhappy with, again those changes do not reflect my inside person, my heart, they are simply dressing and bling so to speak. Sometimes, just for kicks, I put pink dye in my  hair and make some pretty pink streaks.  My hair, my choice, still the same old me underneath.

If you love me, then the people that I love and are important to me, should be important to you too.  I’m not saying you have to agree or even condone my choices in self decoration, or those of my loved ones and friends, but if you are going to be a part of my life, I will NOT leave my loved ones in the closet, hiding any part of themselves.  The closer you are to me, the more important those persons should become to you.  Not only is that love, but that is flat out respect.  And you will treat those I love with respect even if you don’t like them.

If your nose is so high in the air that you cannot date my daughter because her mother has tattoos or a nose ring, then you are not worthy of her.  If you parents don’t allow your offspring  to date someone in my family because of their living arrangements or one of their parental units has some ink, then kiss  our asses, you and yours are entirely too shallow to be significant to any one of us.  How dare you judge the book by the cover!  We won’t judge YOUR parental units or family members based on the color of their hair, if they have hair, if they wear earrings, what car they drive, what part of town they live in or how much money they make.  We want to know you and yours for who you are inside, that is the part of you that holds value.  IF who any of us are outside isn’t good enough as we are, then you aren’t anyone we care to know and you sure as hell don’t deserve to be in the life of any one of us.  And shame on anyone within our ranks for asking another to cover up themselves, exchange themselves or stay in the shadows.  We stand together, proud of the people we are on the INSIDE, and to hell with those that only see what is on the outside. We will NOT put anyone in a closet to please someone else.

The Breast Milk Debate

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WARNING: This post might be full of T.M.I. (too much information) for some that know me!!

I listen to local radio station, WKRQ, 101.9FM, here in Cincinnati.  On Wednesdays listeners can call in to the Jeff & Jenn morning show and share something in an effort to “wow” others, hence they call it Wow Wednesday.

Yesterday a woman called in talking about how she was making dinner for her hubby/boyfriend (not sure which it is) and her kids and discovered that she had ran out of milk.  With no time to run for more, I’m guessing, she decided to substitute her breast milk (she is currently nursing a baby) in place of regular milk in the recipe.  Dinner was a success, seems the family really liked it.  Well, that is, until she explained the little substitution she had made, then seems her significant other and kids were completely grossed out.

The one show host posted it on his Facebook page, and it was the topic of conversation briefly this morning on the show during my drive in.  Those calling in or leaving FB comments had some strong opinions.

Now me..well my ex-hubby loved breast milk.  He asked me if he could try it when I was nursing our daughter and found it to be tasty.  He also found it kinda hot in a kinky sort of way.  I admit, one time when I had been unable to get home in a timely manner to feed the baby, and became engorged I needed his help.  A breast pump wasn’t working and I was in pain, so I grabbed Mr. Kinky-cheeks and took him to the bedroom and asked him to assist in the relief efforts.  He was more than happy to oblige.

Breast milk is considered the perfect food for a baby, assuming of course that mama is healthy, not doing drugs or drinking.  Cow’s milk, as one caller pointed out, is loaded with additives and steroids these days.  So what is the big hairy deal?  One caller said she used breast milk for her husband’s coffee when they ran out of creamer and he liked it so much she continues to do so.  I’m a bit undecided on this one, still mentally chewing it.

BUT I am curious what YOU think about it!  Please, weigh in and let me know your thoughts!

Happily Ever After – For ALL

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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Anyone raised in this country  knows these words if they have had a  U.S. history course.  It is part of the Declaration of Independence and that line is one that most recognize.  But our founding fathers were not saying it  was just for those here,  but for ALL men everywhere.  Certainly it is important that we recognize that while pursuing happiness we cannot infringe on another persons, my rights end where their rights begin.  Exactly what happiness is can be defined a million different ways, it varies from person to person.  Today I am focusing on the pursuit of happiness as far as  one’s spouse is  concerned.

Marriage and who we chose to be married too is a very personal decision.  I respect that there are still  cultures  in which marriages are arranged, sometimes before  the births of the individuals to be wed, and while that is not to my liking it is not mine to impose  upon them what I feel is the proper  course  for finding one’s mate.  Cultures can change over time, and it is my hope that anyone being bound to another for life would be able to chose for themselves the one they believe makes them happy.

I have often wondered what it is that draws us to a particular person or persons.  Raised by the same parents, in the same household, under the same core beliefs,  two brothers or sisters will often be drawn to very different types of people.  I don’t believe it is driven by experiences as much as something within us in our individual make up drives our desires.  Raised on the same food in our growing up years I have an ice cream addiction, my sister can walk right past it, go figure.   While we will both tell you Trace Adkins is to die for sexy, that is where our similarities in taste end when it comes to men.  Yes our individual life experiences may influence some of our choices (you won’t catch me dating a fire fighter ever again) over all  I believe we are simply wired differently.   Born with certain desires, or under influence, it really doesn’t matter, our tastes and preferences vary.

Regardless of what your ideal is in a mate, I believe everyone has or should have the right, to chose that partner.  Two consenting adults of sound mind should not be denied the right to be legally wed to one another and have the laws protect that union.  It should not matter if they are of the same  nationality, skin color, or gender.   Yes I did say gender, but before you grab your bible and start preaching at me (I cannot hear  you anyway) or walk away, at least finish this with an open mind.

This weekend two beautiful women I know will be tying the knot, with each other.   While beautiful outside, I mean inside.  I have known one distantly as she grew up in the neighborhood, the other, her partner, for a few years now.  I often suspected that the one from my neighborhood was at the very least bi-sexual.  The other I only recently realized was more than just a best friend to this woman, that there was a reason they were always together and 90% of the photos of them they appear as a couple…because they are!  They are wonderful people that work hard, have big hearts and I think the world of them both.

Now before  I  go further a little background.  I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church, and high tailed it out of there when I turned 18.  I have since attended a variety of Protestant and non-denominational churches over the years,  from charismatic to reformed Baptist.  Each has their own interpretation of the Bible and their own core beliefs and  not surprisingly a portion of those matters of faith are in strong opposition to each other.  One thing they all have in common is that they think they are correct in their  beliefs and everyone that doesn’t adhere to them is wrong.  I am,  for the record,  a firm believer in the Bible.  I won’t  argue  scripture with someone that doesn’t adhere to that one common thread, that it is in fact God’s  Word.  If you don’t happen to believe that it is in fact from God  then what is the point of discussion? The Bible was written TO THE CHURCH, the early believers of what it contains.  The laws, rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call  those scriptures are NOT written to mankind as a whole, it is for the church, those who believe and are bound by those beliefs.  I really wish those of faith would stop trying to enforce biblical principals  on those that do not believe what is written within it’s pages.  LOOK at the writings especially of the New Testament and you will see that it isn’t addressing the world, it is addressing those that follow Jesus Christ.   I happen to be a bible believing Christian, and within those pages it tells me to sweep in front of  my own door first.  I have a rather large amount of dirt of  my own to tend too and it will keep me busy until I stand in judgment in the here after.  And if you are reading this,  so do you.  If  someone is curious about my faith I will share it, but I’m not  knocking down your door  or telling you what you have to believe,  I very well may be way off base and when I die discover that I was all  wrong.  In life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that liberty part applies  to what I want to believe as far as God. This wonderful nation was founded on religious freedom, back off and practice  your faith, adhere to it  like you really mean it, if you do, but don’t impose it on anyone else. They have the same liberty as  you and chose to go another direction.  There is a separation of church and state,  it prevents any one faith from becoming the official church of the nation and from the church determining the laws of  this land, which is one of the very reasons our forefathers  left to come  here.  The churches have no place in influencing the laws, the Bible or book of Mormon or Koran, are  all written to  those specific  faiths, not the rest of the world.  Keep them within the your faith and stop trying  to dictate how the rest of us should live according to what your religious documents dictate for YOU.  The line says “we hold that we are all endowed with certain rights,  by  our creator”, it doesn’t say or  imply that one must believe in said creator to partake in those rights.

Back to these two women getting married.  What is sad to me is that, unless something has  changed that I am unaware of, their union will not be recognized by the laws here, and it should  be.  Their house, any future children,  all their ‘marital’ assets, should they ever terminate their union, should be just as protected by laws of divorce as my own.  My understanding is that they will have children, each giving birth to a child via  sperm donation.  Those children will be raised in a very loving home with two parents that will shower them with love and discipline.  BUT if  they would down the  road, like any heterosexual couple, terminate their  bond, those  children are not legally protected to see their  other parent, and that to me is just WRONG.  They should  each be legally parents to any children born of  their  mother’s union (and this applies to gay men  who adopt).  Should they divorce there  should be divorce laws that govern  the custody and visitation exactly as it  is done for ‘straight’ couples.  Religion should not be dictating the laws of marriage, or  personally held religious beliefs,  common sense on the other hand should be.  It is bad enough when a long term relationship ends, the  laws  need to protect both spouses regardless of gender preference.  It is time to afford equal rights to our gay brothers and sisters, who wish  to commit to their life partner in the form of marriage.

I hope the laws change, and soon, that will allow  for same sex unions so that all  people can be protected by law in their pursuit of life,  liberty and happiness, apart from any church’s beliefs outside  of  the individuals own place of worship.  I  am not for special rights, simple all about EQUAL rights for all parties.  Life is too short, and everyone deserves a shot at finding happily ever after, protected and secure, with  the one they love.

To L & L – I wish you both all the happiness in the world, may you truly live happily ever after!!