The Dating Diaries ~ Of Judging Others


Things have progressed fast and furious with The Biker.  It’s what happens when you put together a hurricane of a man with a tornado of a  woman.  But it’s like when you stick two negative numbers together you get a positive, a concept I simply do not grasp.  The two titanic size personalities we possess make for quite the equal match.

He is very intelligent, articulate and creative.  This Navy vet has raised his hand and served his country 4 times.  He is patriotic to a fault.  And his heart carries a thousand scars to match the  ones he has from serving his beloved country.  As I mentioned before, he is the most generous person, giving anything he has for another in need.  He takes in stray people and gets them back on the rails again.  He will fight against wrong, and beside those  in the right.  Meet him outside of the biker image, when he is working, you’d never guess the other part of his life. Or when he is sharing the gospel with a street person or someone else.

He is a biker.  A member of what some would call an outlaw motorcycle gang.  It’s a club, not a gang.  And  he is his own man.   He has no criminal record, lives within the laws even the ones he  thinks are absurd.  Decked out in his leather, yes he appears intimidating.  He runs with a rough and rowdy crowd.  But he is still himself within their ranks.  In talking to my daddy it was discovered that in 30+ years of law enforcement he never had a run in with this group the Biker calls ‘family’.

A few have judged him based on other’s actions.  Not everyone that wears the colors is a good person.  But then,  not every cop, firefighter, lawyer, housewife, teacher etc are good people  either.  Teachers  with sex charges against minors doesn’t mean all teachers are bad.  Just because a good number of priests have molested young boys doesn’t make all in that calling a pedophile.  Everyone who lives on “the other side of the tracks” isn’t a generational welfare drain.  Just because someone is of any race, color, profession, ethnic origins…whatever it is they are, doesn’t make them bad because a  handful  of others  are that happen to carry the same label.   I  HATE STEREOTYPING!!!  I believe in judging another for their own character and heart.

MANY cops and fire fighters I know will  have a few  too many and drive, but those that judge my Biker still run with them.  Last time I checked, DUI is still illegal, a crime, so your badge brothers are criminals that just haven’t been  caught.  Just because a few go bad doesn’t taint the whole profession.

I’ve been told how trashy women are who have tattoos by someone sitting across from me who would tell you I am all class.  All the while  they had no clue this classy chick has some ink, some pretty decent sized pieces.  I have more class in my little finger than the one judging me that is ink-less.  Kiss my ass for judging ME.  Yes you did judge me, though you know nothing of those tattoos, you’re judgement would be there had you known of my expressive art work rather than  taking time to know me.  I was judged for my nose ring by the Count’s mama.  Not harshly but it was mentioned to him.  Again, kiss my ass.

I’m angry yes.  I was judged for  my lifestyle when I was a swinger.  That judgement came based on swingers who did do drugs, and other less than savory behavior, a good deal of it illegal.  But I was not like that, and I did not appreciate those that would judge me for it.  It frankly pissed me off.  I don’t like my Biker judged.  I’ve taken time to learn who he is, and that man has a heart of  gold.  Yes, I checked him out, he has no secrets, no record, nothing to hide.

I am aware of my children being far less than thrilled in my choice.  I’m sorry that they pass judgement on someone that  they do not even  know, based on the patches on his vest.  It is their loss.  He will protect them as they are my family, because that is his heart.  They matter to me so they matter to him.  His ‘family’ matter to me as well.  I judge each individually on their own merit,  not the actions of those that have chosen  to go wrong.

The Marvi one is about  to turn 49 years  old.  She is done raising her children,  they are adults now.  I am divorced and therefore free to be ME for the first time in my life.  For 2 years now I’ve dug out ME from under  everyone else’s idea of who and what I should be.  I have a big heart, I took in strays, I am a sinner saved by God’s grace.  I’m soft on the inside but I’m tough on the outside.  And I am at a stage  in my life to make choices for MY happiness.  And the  Biker makes me very very happy.  He doesn’t want to put me in a cage or a box,  he wants to be  wind beneath my wings, support my business and encourage me to just be me.  He wants to fly side by side with me.

I am sorry that some will not get  to know him and judge this man as an individual.  It is their loss.  I am not passing up happiness because someone else doesn’t “approve”.  I’m done playing that game.  I’ve spent nearly my entire life living per someone else’s standards.  Now it is MY turn, I get to live by my own.  Mine are a man with a big ass heart,  who reads God’s Word, tries his best to live that Word, who loves me,  protects me,  would provide for my every need if I let  him, who let’s me be me from my nose ring, to more ink, to pink streaks in my crazy auburn hair. Who supports MY dreams and desires, who wants to be a team, wants a partner, a companion. A man who works hard (he is a fair,  honest, but ruthless business man) for what he has, and wants to share it all with me.

He has indeed used the ‘M’ and ‘W’ words (marriage,  wife) *shudder* but knows that is down yonder road, I’m not ready.  He tells me every day how much he adores me.  Yes he uses that word along with ‘love’.  He wants to take time to be sure I am real, that this strong, bull headed, stubborn, short fused, giggly, wacky, marvelous, intelligent, sleeps with a teddy bear woman who snores like a freight  train is not just putting on a good act.  He has read damn near every blog post I’ve written, now he wants to be sure that the writer is everything she seems.  Multi-faceted, moody, free flying, free spirited, deeply emotional, jealous and possessive, open and caring, all he  has found within my pouring out my heart in my writings.  One of my Divas has  told him, yes that is the woman sitting next  to you, it is really her heart and mind in those writings.  They are cautiously optimistic, they don’t want to see me hurt again.  He says I am him, with a vagina, the female version of himself.

He knows what he was looking for, and feels he found it in me. He asks me all the time where I’ve been hiding.  I wonder the same thing about him.  My bad boy/good man with a heart the size of Texas.

Go on, judge him.  Hopefully in time you will see he makes me happy, loves me, and that very good men wear those patches.  Until then, it is your loss.

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8 thoughts on “The Dating Diaries ~ Of Judging Others

  1. Marti, they are of you, and I am sure that you have taught them well. They will see the light…I am sure of it…I wish the best for you and your Biker:)

  2. Bravo! Doesn’t sound like you will lose yourself with this one! He wants you to be you – what gift! And what you said…the female version of himself…. That is how Tim and I are. It’s like we are the same person – and it works! My very best to you and The Biker :-)

  3. Sorry it has taken me so long to get caught up on your blogs. Durn Life has had me running. I’m very happy that this man seems to be a good one for you. You already know all the advice, take it slow, and what will happen will happen. Bikers have been a part of my life forever. My Dad was a Harley man, and was in a club back in the day when they actually wore a “uniform” of sorts. He rode out to CA for three years after meeting my Mom (who was only 15 at the time and working in a diner) When he came back, she was all grown up and they got married. She used to tell me stories of riding behind him trying to hold the petticoats down in the wind….LOL Bikers are good people. I’m proud to be one. Maybe not a hard-core one like my husband has been, but I try to keep up. If I had to pick just ONE group of people that don’t judge others, that are generous to a fault, and will always be there when you need them, it would be Bikers.

    Now, when will I get to know who he is? LOL

    Good luck. I hope to read more about the adventures ahead.

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