Remember old Romeo, from The Secret Garden Part 1 and Part 2? The guy that was so sure he should be on the inside of the garden wall (the barrier around my heart), the one that sent me lavender roses because he had read so many of my blogs that he knew my favorite flower and felt he knew me. We emailed and texted, talked and then went out. Twice. I didn’t find any chemistry there, so pulled my ‘first date’ shirt out of retirement and went back on the dating market in search of the man who holds the keys to my heart’s gate. I was told by old Romeo that I broke his heart, he really felt I hadn’t given him a chance and that we’d be so perfect together.
I don’t know what it is that causes chemistry to be there or not, but one thing I do know, when it is there you cannot deny it. But without it, love cannot be anything more than settling. This woman does not settle. I saw a quote recently, I have no idea who wrote it but it speaks volumes about what it is I’m seeking in life as far as if I ever get involved in a long-term relationship again: Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them. Isn’t that totally kick ass true?
I have known mad, passionate, extraordinary love two times in my life. These relationships are flat-out electrifying, sensational mixes of emotional, physical, and mental forces coming together. It is pure, raw, chemistry. It is also intense, strong, wicked wild and not for the faint of heart. My first time was in my marriage that ended, and the reason it ended is the same reason this kind of love has to be handled like unstable ammunition…not correctly channeled it can be highly explosive. The other was with Mr. Wonderful. Again the powder keg had to be handled with care. Sadly he wasn’t ‘available’ and I refuse to be the home wrecker on that one. If he ever leaves his wife it has to be his doing without influence. I’ve sensed the pull with a one or two other men but never entertained a relationship to know for certain. No, I did NOT have this with The Count. I was allowing myself to settle for less than what I deserve with that one. While I am indeed Queen of my life, I seek the man who would be King beside me, but will still spoil my inner child like a princess. This extraordinary kind of love is only such because it is reciprocal.
One of the most famous, though yes fictional, of these types of loves was Rhett Butler and Scarlet O’Hara. The chemistry was there from the first time they ever laid eyes on each other. Read the book or watch the movie, Gone With The Wind, you can slice the untamed emotion that was between them, it is so intense.
I have always seen Scarlett as the patron saint of strong women. Yes she was fictional, but she was a combination of several women the author knew or knew of, that had proven they had more brass between their legs than some men. It took real nads to pull yourself up and rebuild after the Civil War. It was a changed world and way of life and the strong survived. There are countless stories of real life women that do this every day. Life rips apart their world, and knocks them down. They stand up, brush themselves off and start over. Often their own bad choices are what they have to bounce back from, but they do it over and over again. The true ‘steel magnolias’ of this world. The women in my family are those very flowers. I have no clue if it is a way of life we were raised in, or if it is genetic, but you won’t find any tissue paper roses in this bouquet.
I recently had a conversation with a male friend about why men feel the need to insult and take pot shots at strong women. He told me only weak men do that. Men who are intimidated by such women. They feel inferior to these women, so they lash out, verbally and physically to try to take her down. They will attempt to control her in whatever way they can to feel they have somehow tamed her. Good luck with that. A truly strong, confident woman isn’t about to allow you to have control, especially if you don’t deserve it. If you are her equal she will respect you, allow you to guide the ship you sale together, but don’t ever think for one minute that you are in control of her.
Romeo was drawn to me from what he knew through my writings and the two dates we had together. He said he wanted a woman with a strong personality. Time and time again throughout the conversations on those dates he stressed over and over he wasn’t looking for a physical relationship, that sex wasn’t all that important (to which my male friends informed me that this screams of erectile dysfunction issues), and he tried to win my heart with flowers and singing to me when we were out and about. He did a fabulous job of drawing attention to himself in public with that, and while he has a decent voice, I wasn’t looking for someone who could put on a good show, I was seeking a real man, with a real heart, and that mad, passionate, extraordinary chemistry. He was hurt, he said, I broke his heart when I didn’t feel we ‘fit’.
We remained Facebook friends until the other day when he went off about Rush Limbaugh. I have no problem with someone that has an opinion, I have issues with twisted facts and half truths. I don’t want to hijack this into a political issue, so we aren’t going there. I did post the facts about the woman Rush referred to as a slut, giving a different view, in reply to Romeo’s post. He removed it. I then posted “wtf?” which he removed then he deleted me from his Facebook. WOW…as I said to him in my email to him regarding the deletion:
WOW, very mature Romeo, very mature. That is just one major reason we’d never work, you cannot deal with someone that has a different opinion of your own and stating it openly.
He replied with the following:
Enjoy your life, I’m sure you’ll write back, you’ll have to have the last word.
I laughed out loud at the thinly veiled insults. Bossy? I don’t recall being bossy at all to him. I simply didn’t care to continue to date him. And yes, I DO need to be in control, of ME. I am reading between the lines, so assuming he means that because I like Rush Limbaugh, I am also a loud mouth, self serving blowhard? My friend is correct, weak men will rip apart and insult strong women. In this case, I take it as a compliment. It is quite evident that he feels inferior to me and would never begin to be my equal. Believe me, if you cannot handle my personality, you definitely cannot satisfy me in the bedroom, Romeo. It takes a REAL man to love me in all regards.
Still looking for that man who IS an equally strong personality.
The one with whom I will have that mad, passionate, extraordinary love again.
The Rhett to my Scarlett, perhaps even the Sir Lancelot to my Guinevere. ;)
Oh, and you are correct. As you can see, I always have the last word.