Monthly Archives: March 2012

Tarter Sauce On My Notes

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The life of an Avon Lady is NEVER boring.  Well mine isn’t, but then I’m hardly ordinary so of course  it would be extraordinary for me.  Now pair me with my sister, and fellow Avon rep, and well  things will always be interesting.

Monday we cruised out with a car loaded down with Avon brochures, each inside a plastic bag, then rolled and rubber banded.  We toss them in driveways, just like the newspaper and the weekly store ads.  It has proven quite effective as we always gain a few new customers.  Generally we toss the same neighborhood 3 times then move to a new one.  Anyone who calls in an order is  considered a customer and we will then place the books on their doors.  This time I had a few boxes of left over brochures so we hit the neighborhood I grew up in.  We tossed them all and headed home.

We use this method to distribute the brochures because we toss roughly 700-1000 per campaign between the two of us, all within 2 hours or less.  To walk door to door and hang that  many would take a week.

Later that day I received a phone call from a gentleman that asked if this was the Marti that is the Avon lady.  While he would not give me his name, I know who he is because he provided his address.   He asked me to stop throwing my garbage  in his  driveway.  I calmly apologized for any  inconvenience and promised not to ever do this again, and would add him to our  ”do throw  list”.  He  seemed to want to push the complaint end with me a bit so I listened politely and again apologized.

Today as we were headed out to work this Wild and Wacky Wednesday recruit-a-thon, my district manager lets me know she heard from the  man too.  This  man first texts her and then calls her to inform her that the head of the neighborhood block watch there has me on video tape throwing my brochures in drive ways and that they have called the Better Business Bureau,  the City, the Police, and he might call the paper.  Oh and of course he called to complain to Avon and that is how he was able to get my district managers  number.  REALLY?????? ARE WE SERIOUS?   Oh. My. Gawd.  Pick up the damn thing and throw it  in the trash if you don’t want it! You asked me on the phone, I very politely and professionally agreed to never bother you again.  Next thing you know Crime Stoppers will be featuring the video tape of me throwing Avon brochures in the driveways of potential customers.  BAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAA! Well, we believe in “go for the no” and I would imagine that is about as “NO” as it gets.  In a world so full of pain and serious issues…war, cancer, child abuse, poverty…you seriously complain about one lousy brochure?  Amazingly small minded individual.  Maybe he would prefer I go on welfare and he  can support me?

This rattled my brain so much today that over lunch with my sister, while  waiting for our afternoon recruit appointments, I ended up laying my notes in my cole slaw, and then my tarter sauce from my  Big Boy sandwich. Unbelievable.

OH, on a positive note, that same area  where Mr. Self Appointed Crime Prevention lives…well I gained 2 new customers, and a new recruit to my team.  I did warn her NOT to leave her brochures at his home. He gets his boxers all knotted up over it.

WILD AND WACKY!!!!

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Our district is hosting a WILD AND WACKY WEDNESDAY  recruit-a-thon tomorrow.

It is a chance for us to build our teams, and I want YOU  on my team.

YES YOU! If you are reading this I want YOU!

OH…I live in Cincinnati…you leave in New Mexico? YEAH!!!! I want team members  all over the country!

PLEASE take just 7 minutes and watch this video, made by another representative.  She ROCKS! LOVE her accent.  She is a REAL  person, REAL  representative that did this all on her own for other reps and herself to use.  Those are the kinds of women and men you meet working for yourself through Avon, awesome, creative, fun and inspiring.

PLEASE just 7 minutes.  THEN, if you think YOU might want to give it a shot, just go to START AVON (click those words) and enter the code: MARTI GARDNER and for $20 ($10 if you are in Cincinnati I can meet you in person and then there is no shipping – just contact me) and you will be on your way!

YES I do train you even if we are 1000 miles apart, say hello to SKYPE! It’s free, video chatting and between me and the free training online, you will be very successful.

SO, watch the video, and then get started!

I WANT YOU ON MY TEAM!!!

Dear Future Husband ~ Perfect Imperfections

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Dear Future Mr. Marvelous One,

I’ve been negligent  of late in writing you, but it really doesn’t matter that much as I’ve stopped looking for you, at least for this year.  This whole no dating thing for 2012 has been amazing, I am enjoying being just me.   There is freedom in allowing myself to be ridiculous when I feel like it.  Like today, I was in bed until nearly 9am and no one to give me grief for wasting the day.  I desperately needed the sleep.  And now? I’m a vision of beauty  sitting here in a neon pink sport bra and black, fleece jammie pants that have pink coffee cups all printed on them.  Well I AM beautiful as I am freshly showered, have on my makeup and styled the sassy red hair.  Not to mention the shower gel, lotion, skin softner, deodorant  and cologne  are all  the same scent, as always.  Have my long, sexy nails still, nose ring  sparkling in the sunshine.  Yes, a true vision even if  a bit curvier that I should be.  I’m sexy that way.

I’ve been contemplating love a lot lately.  That happens when you go to a wedding, especially one in which you are playing a staring role, as the Mother Of The Groom.  Granted it is more of a supporting role, but I was all class, just like I know you’d be proud of, in the end I always do the right thing, the classy thing, and rise above the bottom feeders.  Enough said.

Anyway in contemplating love I realized that love is accepting.  That doesn’t mean all approving, but when you love someone, really love them, you accept who and what  they are, and you don’t withhold your affection in order to mold them or change them.  That isn’t love, that is control.  I didn’t condone everything about the previous spouse.  And while I didn’t always like everything about him, I accepted him and his OCD ways, controlling nature and stubbornness when it came to everything had to be HIS way, despite my own desires.   I stayed, stuck it out and remained faithful.  Believe me he  and every other man I have loved, have some damned unlovable characteristics, we ALL do.  But those vows, they weren’t empty words to me.  I’m a woman of honor and integrity and I took every word quite seriously.  When I again make those promises,  in my mind they are binding for life, as they are meant to be. Not until one of us finds someone else more appealing or gives up trying to make it work.  I don’t give up.  If  I make the decision to spend my life with you, it means I’ve determined I am able to accept you as you are and who you are through and through.  I will not commit to you if I cannot accept you or your way of life. It would not be right.

When you love someone, and take on such important promises, you find a way to make it work.  You accept that the person you are committing to is not perfect.  If we were perfect we would not be very interesting.  It is our imperfections that make us a unique treasure.  It is very easy to love someone for who they are, but when you love someone, you love them for everything that they are NOT as well.  THAT, my darling, is where the rubber of real love meets the road of commitment.   And you help them to become better people.  This is rarely accomplished by bailing on the relationship.  You support their dreams, even if it is a neck tattoo that might make employment difficult to find. Remember, it is THEIR dream.  You want them to be supportive of your dreams too, correct?

My point would be, do not try to change me.  Only I get to do that.  I get so tired of men telling me that they don’t want a woman who tries to change them and who or what they are, yet one mention of my wanting a new tattoo or to dye my hair and they freak the hell out and try to tell me NO.  My hair, my skin, MY decision. Not yours.  The last ass clown I was in love with (yes, The  Count – Count Tyrant would fit – there was NO honey in the baked egotistical ham) tried to tell me that if I was going to be a part of his family I needed to get used to having my picture taken, even though I HATE having my picture taken.  He has his dreams of owning a bed and breakfast, a location for it, everything based on him, his family, and what HE wanted and dreamed.  I totally supported it all and was quite willing to work side by side with him, though it was never to be of any benefit to my children if we married, only his and his grandchildren.   Pity he didn’t feel as strongly about supporting what I wanted.  He didn’t want anyone in his circles to know of my fun, colorful past (swinger) etc., or that I had tattoos.  I wasn’t to dye my hair, no more “littering my body with ink” etc.  He told me often how much he loved me, and even gave me little gifts to express that love.  But that ‘love’ was nothing more than trying to mold me to be what he wanted.  He must have failed to realize that I don’t come with a menu of options to chose from, I am who I am. Period.

I’ve really a need to find a man that wants me for who I am and is willing to give me the freedom to be ME, rather than try to make me like him.  If you love me you love who I am inside, the part of me that you see when you close your eyes, or the room is pitch black…the person INSIDE.  The outside package will change as I change, and with age.  While I will have preferences in your appearance, I will never say ‘NO’, after all it is YOUR body.  If I love you, it is for who you are and are not on the inside and the outside.

Accept the outside, or you will never have the inside, which is where the  true  treasure of who I am is kept.  You must prove yourself worthy to get there, you can thank all those  who broke my heart ahead of you for the fortress surrounding it now.  Patience,  and proof that you are not like them,  is the only way to hold my heart.

Much love to you, whoever you are,

Me

100 Marvelous Facts About Me

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I’m in a totally fragmented, random kind of mood.  Nothing deep, just typically odd for me.  I’m freaky like that.  Some call me weird, I say gifted.   Regardless of how you define it, I’m so very unique.  Quirky, fun, funny, odd, sarcastic, kind, loving, forgiving….yeah like that.  I have NO idea where this is headed, just random things in my brain.  Consider it a peek into the garden, and be thankful. I don’t open that gate often to the world.

  1. If it is pink, it will catch my eye immediately.
  2. If by chance it is pink and has any amount of bling, I’m on it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
  3. I am fairly certain I am ADD, based on studies regarding stimulants & treating ADD, caffeine and adults.  I over consume but yet sleep even on a full pot of java.
  4. I am OCD about a few things…the bed has to be made for me to get in it, I will check the stove multiple times before I go out of the door, it may be hanging in the art museum but if a picture is crooked, I will straighten it.
  5. I mix my veggies in my mashed potatoes.
  6. Ketchup on roast = awesome.
  7. I snore.
  8. Everybody poops.  At least that is what the book claims, but I cannot prove it as I’ve yet to take a poll on the  matter.
  9. I am not an abstract thinker so I cannot do algebra.  I need concrete stuff to get my head wrapped around it.
  10. I have a big butt.  Hey, I do, why deny it. I can live with it.
  11. I have big boobs too, thanks to the ex and my surgeon.
  12. I love wind chimes.
  13. I think true beauty in a person is what they look like in the dark.
  14. If you don’t understand #13….you aren’t for me.
  15. Coffee is it’s own food group. So is chocolate.  Both are on the bottom of my food pyramid.
  16. One of my favorite things is chubby baby feet.
  17. I drink my coffee black.
  18. I prefer diet colas, cannot handle the sweetness of regular.
  19. I buy wine based on the amusing labels.  If it tastes good to me, I’ll buy it again. I don’t care about the price.
  20. I  just stopped in the middle of this to dust the box fan in my room because it needed it.
  21. I am afraid of the dark so I need a nightlight.
  22. I sleep with a teddy bear, wrapped around it just like a kid.
  23. I actually read and follow the washing instruction tags on all of my clothes.
  24. I only did the laundry when I was married because the ex did NOT read the tags.
  25. Tanning was a way to fight depression during the winter for me. I miss it.
  26. Procrastination is my middle name.
  27. My best work has always been accomplished at hour 11.5
  28. My cat always bathes herself before going to bed. I think this is wise, one just never knows….
  29. Grandma said wear clean undies in case you are in an accident…I just don’t bother wearing any, hee hee hee.
  30. I need a line item in my budget for over due library books.
  31. Reading is an addiction, I will get a quick fix reading shampoo bottles in the shower if necessary.
  32. My lucky number is 13.
  33. Don’t piss me off, you will end up in my novel.
  34. Christmas is my favorite time of the year/holiday.
  35. I despise being cold, but love snow for the beauty…from inside sipping coffee.
  36. I HATE surprise parties, do it and I WILL walk out.  Try me.
  37. Not real big on surprises at all to be honest.
  38. I believe in ‘ghosts’ and think some are demons, some are dead folks that won’t move on.
  39. I hate  wearing shoes, but don’t like being bare foot.  I go through a LOT of footie socks.
  40. I love tattoos.
  41. I have a nose ring, a small little ‘diamond’ but one day will have the real deal.
  42. I’m considering getting my eyebrow pierced.  I don’t really know why, just want too.
  43. Sometimes I spray pink in  my hair, because I LIKE it.
  44. I’m a reformed cat hater.
  45. I’m about 1 bad relationship away now from owning 12 cats.
  46. I am very allergic to cats.
  47. I own a cat.  We’re a package deal.
  48. I love post-it-notes, in anything adorable or pink, not because I  need them I just buy them cause they are cool.
  49. I love anything Hello Kitty, but I’m only just beginning to collect such items.
  50. I’m allergic to bee stings, not deathly, at least not yet, but it is progressing each time.
  51. I cannot, in conversation, just get to the point.  Believe me there is a reason for what color underwear someone was wearing in a retelling of a story that has nothing at all to do with ones drillies.  It makes sense to me so don’t interrupt.
  52. If I don’t write it in my planner/calendar,  it isn’t real likely to happen.
  53. I love the term “fartin shimmy” and I know what one is.
  54. My favorite flowers are equally lavender, pink and yellow roses.
  55. I gave someone a lap dance once to earn their beads – a really cool set of fire fighter ones.  No, you cannot have them.
  56. I’ve posed naked for photos (in my early/mid 40′s), they were published on 2 websites.  Yes I still have them. NO you may not see them.
  57. Because I’m afraid of the dark, very afraid, I keep a flashlight right by my bed. It needs NO batteries, and it’s a cat, eyes light up :)
  58. I’m terrified of storms when they get severe or loud.
  59. I’m terrified of fire, so I will not live in a house that I cannot easily escape from via windows that are not too high up.
  60. I change smoke alarm batteries far more often than necessary.
  61. I’ve been told I talk some in my sleep.  I wouldn’t know for sure, I’m asleep when this occurs.
  62. I have a piggy bank.  It is not pink, as this one matches my bedroom, but I actually do put money in it.  I love it.
  63. If what my ex tells me, that sexy is 90% attitude, then I ooze sexy from all of my pores.
  64. I want to live to be 100 years old.
  65. I’ve always gotten along better with men than women.
  66. My shower gel, body lotion, skin softner, deodorant and cologne…are all the same scent.  It’s just one way I roll.
  67. I don’t hold a grudge forever, even when I try.  I’m just too forgiving of a person.
  68. I prefer to be at peace with all people if at all possible.
  69. There are 2 people on the face of this earth that you can note a significant rise in blood pressure just by mentioning my name.  I’m powerful like that! :)
  70. I currently cannot see a damn thing. I own ‘hoopty’ spectacles.  One arm on my glasses broke and I’ve not replaced them or my contact lenses to date.  Another way I roll.
  71. Yes, I really was part of the swinger lifestyle once.
  72. It is very unlikely I will ever run for public office.  (see #56 and 71 – enough said)
  73. I don’t get emotionally attached to things anymore, as the ones that should have meant something (like my wedding rings etc) proved worthless in meaning.
  74. I am a reformed pack rat.
  75. “All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to  her that they are not all the same.” ~ Marilyn Monroe.  I’m still waiting.
  76. I’m perfectly imperfect.
  77. I’m looking for the guy that will love every imperfect part of me, and find it all to be perfectly adorable and love worthy.
  78. Inside this woman that is so confident, sexy, brazen at times and fun on the outside, is an inner child that is shy, scared and needs to be loved unconditionally.
  79. I believe the minute you start finding fault with someone you ‘love’, you’ve begun applying conditions to your love, you show that you don’t love them, but want to mold them and control them.
  80. While I do enjoy being around people, a lot, I am somewhat of a loner at times too.
  81. < – that is the year I graduated from high school.
  82. I have been in 3 countries outside of the U.S.
  83. I’ve been in about 40 of the states in this country.
  84. There is SO much to see right here in the land I love that I would be happy just traveling around seeing it all here!
  85. I LOVE light houses.  My favorite is the one in Cape Hatteras.
  86. I believe that the beach is God’s therapy couch for us, and the sounds of the waves hitting the shore are the most soothing of stress.
  87. In 54 days  I will be 49 years old.  This bugs me way the hell more than turning 50 will.
  88. Every once in a while I enjoy reading a really trashy romance novel.
  89. I struggle with my weight, goes with being a Taurus…we love food.
  90. It’s important to me to be able to achieve my goals and be financially independent.  It isn’t that  I don’t want to be loved and cared for, but I never want to NEED a man to support me.
  91. No man ever keeps me.  They gain my heart, then suck my love dry  and leave me.
  92. I still believe in true love, the forever kind of love.  Just not sure it is meant for me.  Once  the infatuation wears off, they don’t really love me after all.
  93. My dream table would have at least 12 settings of china, each one different from the next.  Each a complete place setting, but no two alike.
  94. I’m working on my bucket list.  Not that I plan to die soon, I want to live to be 100, but time IS going forward.
  95. I enjoy all genres of music…the mood I am in or  I want  to be in, or the atmosphere I wish to create dictates what I am listening too.
  96. I hate plucking my eyebrows, it makes my eyes water like crazy, so I just shave them, CAREFULLY.
  97. Over the past 2 years I’ve learned that happiness is the journey, and a decision, not a destination.  No wonder I’m happy.
  98. I love my family something fierce.  I will protect them even if I don’t agree with their choices.
  99. Sometimes I sleep with music on softly on one of the music channels (Sound Scapes), it helps me unwind if I’m stressed out.
  100. This has not even put a scratch in the surface of who I  am….

T.G.I.F. In Zombielane

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It is Friday, and I don’t need Martha Stewart to tell me that this is a VERY good thing.  It is bigger than that.

I have not been in bed before midnight all week.  Some nights well after that time.  My alarm clock goes off at 5:20am, which is a rude enough experience when I have had a full 8 hours of sleep.  At least I think so, hard to recall as that hasn’t happened in quite a while. When I’m dead to the world, sleep deprived and running on nothing (I used up the fuel and fumes by Wednesday having entered the week on only a partial tank), it can take an extensive number of hits to the  snooze alarm to surface enough to realize it is regretfully morning.   It was another one of those good things to discover my sister had the coffee maker all ready to roll this morning, because we’d have had serious issues if I had to count out scoops.  We have a Bunn home coffee maker, so no timer, but that beautiful piece of java technology produces a pot of hot,  liquid, wake-up-and-function in under 3 minutes.  I was lucky I could see straight  enough to pour the water in the top.

Speaking of the walking dead, I have officially retired from the Facebook game ZombieLane.  I cannot  do it anymore, it is a sheer waste of my time.  Not that all the games are anything more than time wasters, but this one exceeds that.  On top of it just not holding my interest, my inbox also fills up with emails from my dad, plotting strategy among his team members like he is the General Schwarzkopf of the game.  I just don’t have the  time to devote to it all so it’s been removed and blocked on my Facebook page.

While I’ve neglected my Words With Friends games, I’ve tapped into yet another addictive game.  Draw Something.  It’s like Pictionary for your phone.  My daughter and son play so I downloaded the app last night and connected via my Facebook. OHHHH EEEEMMMMM GEEEEEE!  Half my friends on there are playing this game!  I have 12 games going with friends now. Unreal, crazy, everyone-sucks-at-artistic-ability on this.  I love it. I just wish I had an iPhone now more than EVER!!!!  My Droid is nice but I would prefer the iPhone for this,  among other things. Like having Siri tell me where to bury the bodies so they go undiscovered.  No evidence  trail you know!

I really dislike rainy days so much.  Not only because it is dreary and depressing outside, and makes me want to spend the day in bed, and I don’t have that ability today.  Still working on jacking up my mojo, and nothing brings that back down faster than a gray day.

I’m a tad irritated with Hotmail today.  My account is acting up for some reason.   I can use it find on mobile but not on a computer.  GRRRRRRRRRRR!

I NEED A NAP!!!!!!!

SPAM Can Hook-Ups – Incredible Gains While You Sleep!

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I love looking at what hits the spam folder in my email sometimes.  Today is a rather interesting collection of opportunities.  If you need a hook up for any of the following just let me know, I’m the go-to girl.

Match.com wants me to wink at other singles in my area, assuring me the results will leave me smiling.  And if I don’t find someone special in 6 months, they’ll give me 6 months free!  I tried Match.com last year.  It is over priced for starters.  I wasn’t all that impressed to be honest with the potential “special” people it matched me up with.  Well unless you define special as mentally touched, as in the elevator doesn’t reach the top floor….well then by golly I met a lot of REALLY special individuals.  No thanks.

Next up…Senior Dating!  I can access and chat with thousands of 50+ singles in my area!  Really? 50 qualifies me as a senior citizen?  Geeze better hurry up, I’m about to turn 49 and then it’s all down hill to the nursing home for me!  Does this mean I will be able to get a Golden Buckeye and AARP card discount and go to all-you-can-eat dinners at Golden Corral?? I can’t wait, talk about living on the edge!

Got a need for a background check? I can fix you up, can even check my own! DUI, burglary, violent crimes…this place offers it all, no doubt for a nominal fee!  Around these parts it is free to view the local clerk of courts website.  Oh and sure, have at it, you won’t find a thing on me. Not even a damn parking ticket.  Trust me, it isn’t that I don’t deserve a speeding ticket, I have just never been caught. *knocks on wood*

Looking for a Russian bride?  Really WHO isn’t these days, right?  Well, get with me, I can hook a brother or a sister up if your desire is to “flirt live with sexy girls on Russian Brides”.  Think I’ll pass on that one, language barrier and all, too much stress.  Maybe in 2013 if the world doesn’t end come December when the Mayan calendar runs out and I’m back on the dating market again.

You guys out there need a little enhancement hook up?  GO BIGGER has contacted me, assuring me that YOU can add 3 inches to your manhood, NOW!  I wouldn’t wait on that, sounds rather urgent, like they only have so much stock and after that you’re screwed.  No pun intended. “This is the Most Effective And Safest Way To Enlarge Your Manhood! Get Incredible Gains Even While You SLEEP! Gains Of 3-4 Inches Are Not Uncommonm, Try for yourself Risk Free 100% Guaranteed to Work! GET THE SIZE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WILL BE VERY SATISFIED WITH!”  – gee, while you sleep even, who knew?  The URL for this one has gethuge in it’s address, I’m certain this is legit.  Please, take before and after photos, because this inquiring mind would love to know if it really works.

Sorry gals, no breast enlargement creams this time around.  But stick around, the spam folder is always changing and updating.  Lucky me.

My Pet Rock Has Fleas

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Okay it doesn’t.  Well I don’t know really.   See, I no longer have a Pet Rock.  I used too though!  Back when I was a kid it was all the rage one year, and I got one I believe for Christmas.  It was TOO funny.  The rock came in a little carrier just like the ones you see at the pet stores for cats or dogs.  It even came with an owner’s manual so you could teach your pet rock how to sit, roll over, play dead and in the event you were being mugged, it could attack. Mine is long gone, which is really a shame as it was cute and too funny.  Who knows what landfill it resides in now, but it just might have fleas!

If by chance you ever see one, in good condition, box, manual etc as pictured, I’d probably purchase it for a reasonable price.  I frankly think it should make a come back, as it likely would be a big seller again.

My cat, Pixel,  does not have fleas at the moment either.  None of the felines in the Diva Den do, but then our pampered little furry pals are not outside cats.  That does cut down on the risk I’m told.  It sadly increases symptoms for those of us allergic to them.  And as mine enjoys a love fest of chin scratching and head scratching at night, while laying on the pillows next to my head, I’m a mess by morning.

I am tired beyond words today.  Between the vampire hours brought on by menopause, and the fact that I stay up late chatting with a friend (so much for acting like a responsible adult),  I’m walking around like a zombie.  Which reminds me, just for the record, I HATE PLAYING ZOMBIE LANE!!  Sorry, Dad, but not sure I can stick with that one.  For those unaware, it is a game on Facebook.  I hate it, it is just dumb.  I’ve never been into video games as it is and that one is just insane.  I’m convinced you cannot achieve anything significant without using real money to purchase things, and that is NOT going to happen.

Still trying to locate my missing mojo.  I know it is around here somewhere but just not been able to summon it lately.  I think I just needed some time to regroup and plan for the new Avon year (starts with the next campaign) and digest all of the changes going down.  Needed to restructure my business plan some. I’ll be back on the rails this weekend.  As I’m getting ready for my team meeting this weekend I’ll uncover where I left my mojo and all will be good.

For now, let’s just try upbeat music. I love this song, sing it to me Shania!

The Dating Diaries ~ Prerequisites

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Now yes, I have taken this year off and shelved dating for 2012, but I shelved my nails too and those are back.  But I’m not in any rush to un-shelve the whole dating fiasco, still working on ME.  However it doesn’t mean that I cannot be mapping the necessary requirements for consideration when the time comes to submit one’s dating resume.  Right?

 

Shortly after my divorce was final, I had posted 10 Qualifications For A Frog Prince With Benefits, mostly in fun, as I was NOT really seeking anyone, and figured if I did anything it would be a friend with benefits.  Fate showed me once again that it is impossible for men and women to be just friends if it is just the two of them and not couple to couple friends, because over time attraction will grow. And then things happen.  But looking back the qualifications, should I ever decide to come out of dating retirement, would apply for a REAL relationship:

QUALIFICATIONS FOR FROG PRINCE WITH BENEFITS A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

  1. Transportation: Having a car is a must for a FPWB – a Princess doesn’t use public transportation.  She also does not ‘pick up’ the Prince, that is his job.  The Princess is supposed to grace the passenger seat of the carriage of the Prince with her beauty.
  2. Motorcycle: Should the FPWB also happen to own a motorcycle, he gains instant bonus points, as the Princess loves the position of fender fluff behind her Prince, wrapped around him.
  3. Fashion sense: is a must!  Men in midriff tops is NEVER acceptable!  Know what to wear and when to wear it! If you are in danger of friends/family calling in Stacy and Clayton from TLC’s What Not To Wear, don’t bother applying.
  4. Football Fan: You must be a football fan, as the Princess loves football! Bengals fans get highest marks, Colts behind them.  Ravens and Browns fans will be judged on a case by case basis, Steelers fans need not bother applying, it is grounds for REJECTION OF APPLICATION on the spot!
  5. Hygiene: Learn about it! Brush your teeth, shower and use soap and water, trim the tree and shave the jewels, and for the love of St. Peter if you can clearly shave numbers in your back hair, get a waxing! (hairy chests on the other hand are MORE than acceptable!
  6. Playful: A guy in touch with his inner child, that can have FUN with a little water fight with the hose, snowball fights, some friendly wrestling over the TV remote (you must, of course, throw the match as Princess must always win).  Princess is playful and possesses a sense of humor.  If you lack these qualities, hop over to someone else’s pond please or contact your Fairy Godmother for assistance.
  7. FOOD SENSE: Chips and dip does not qualify as tailgate or picnic food.  Princess likes both of those activities and expects you will have enough brains to know what to bring or how to use Google if not!  Her first and favorite test is a picnic in the park of her choosing to get to know you, what you pack for her to enjoy will tell her a lot about you! (this includes accessories needed for said adventure)
  8. Time Management: Princess is a very busy lady, her schedule books in advance.  While you may get lucky with last minute arrangements, it is best to book her time well ahead of the event.  Oh, and she frowns on cancellations and no shows, so don’t do it unless you want off the A-List.
  9. Cyber Savvy Flirt: The Princess likes a man who knows how to get her attention with a text or an email now and then, after all, she believes the world revolves around her. Oh wait, in HER universe it does, get used to it.
  10. NO Limp Shrimp!: Princess enjoys sex.  In fact that is the benefit side of this arrangement.  She couldn’t care less if you get your trout stout with or without a little blue pill, just make sure your one eyed dragon is alive and in the game when she is ready.

I also will want information on any applicant’s astrological sign.  If you have been following me for any length of time, you know that there are just certain guys that will never have a snow balls chance in hell.  I didn’t heed the compatibility stuff with The Count, and learned my lesson once again.  NO one born under the signs of Aquarius, Scorpio, or Leo need apply.  It is NOT going to happen. Period. End. Of. Discussion.

Another pre-req will be the out come of the 41Q Personality test.  Maybe.  Just humor me okay?  If you take the test and are interested, comment and use the 8 digit number it gives you at the end of the profile and I’ll post our compatibility results. Below is the screen shot of mine, without the number (no cheating!).  :)   It’s just for fun because I get asked so much when I’m going back on the market.  Not sure anyone can handle me, but would be curious to see.

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

~*~

Wine & Cheese ~ 52nd Serving

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Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Many weeks on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 52nd serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

WINE

:(  Okay, so it is my own fault that last night I chose to have a few glasses of wine.  Cannot say really that I had too many, but in having a few I was up later than I wanted to be. Again. (hush, Angeo, I hear  you thinking “I told ya so”). Being up meant I was online, on IM, chatting with a friend.  I am dragging today. Again.

:(   My car is still sitting, dead in the garage.  Unless I am mistaken and have missed something, I’m not holding the winning ticket to the Mega Millions lottery drawing from last night so it won’t be fixed anytime soon.

:(   My mojo has been nogo all week so far. Spring fever?  Could be.  I need a swift kick in the motivation.

CHEESE

:)   It is SPRING TIME!!  Temps in the high 70′s and low 80′s the past week mean open windows, birds singing as the sun comes up, flowers on the trees.

:)   We’ve been outside sitting on the deck again.  It rocks. I love warm weather.

:)   Warm weather means my friends that ride will be looking for fender fluff for day trips, *waves hand in air* over here, pick me!

DESSERT

As seen on the bathroom wall where my daughter used to be employed.

Oh Yes I DID Check In There!

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I’m a total,  social media  addict.  Well assuming it is a free app, I won’t pay to be virtually social.  I use:

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

Yahoo IM

Foursquare

GetGlue

HeyTell

I know I know, I’m leaving myself wide open for some boogie man.  You know, if the boogie man is after me, he will find me anyway.  I have friends who are very private souls and cannot understand the need to inform the free world where I am every time I change locations.  It’s a game.  Real people, better than life-like action figures,  doing real things.  I’m the star of my favorite REALity show, it’s all part of who I am and living my life before the world as an open book.  Besides, I don’t tell all,  there IS a directors cut.  I’m the director and I have some secrets and things not shared.

It is a game in that me and my sister compete for mayorship of various places on Foursquare.  We’ve taken things to the extreme and check into bed at night.  Me in “My Big Comfy Bed”, her over in ‘The Sandman’s Headquarters”.  I stole mayorship of her bed one night just being funny.  She found that creepy.  She decided the rule is you must be IN the location, not standing near it, to check in.  My sister-in-law stole off with the mayorship of the local Walgreen’s. I created a location for my Avon office, my daycare and my room.  Hey it’s all about checking in!

Sunday evening my brother found it amusing that sis and I checked in to the deck out back.  He asked if we checked into the bathroom too.  This sparked 2 new locations, The Princess Palace Upper and Lower Throne Rooms.  Sis quickly layed down the law:  You cannot just step in and check in, you have to be using the facilities or doing your hair to check in there.  I am currently the proud mayor of the lower throne room.  I know I know, we’re ridiculous.

Sharing Some Blogger Love

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WOW, I received another blog award today.  I’m delighted of course! So here is the scoop:

I was nominated/given the award by Carla, over at Seasons Change, And Change…, and first, thanks a bunch! I love when someone enjoys my page!

If you find you’ve been given the love from me, this is what you do:

You will need to Thank the person that nominated you first (me) and link the blog to that person before you start.

Then you  will have to tell the world 7 things  we might find interesting about you. Then you add your 7 nominees.

SO, first and foremost, I can hopefully think of 7 things about myself that I’ve not really shared on my blog, that others may or may not find interesting.

  1. When I was in high school I very much wanted to be a lawyer.  Then I learned how much schooling was involved, and that sometimes you have to defend someone that is completely guilty.  I couldn’t do that.  I probably could have been a good prosecuting attorney but still, any chance of having to work as a defense lawyer and I’d not be very good.
  2. After that, my dream was to be a stay at home mom.  Yeah, never got that one either but that’s okay.  After 28 years of working as an admin assistant and office manager, I am doing daycare in my home, which is pretty close to being a stay home mom except I get to sleep at night. Well when the menopause allows me too.
  3. I’ve had things like cold pizza and fried chicken for breakfast.  But probably the one odd ball thing that stands out is popcorn.  I used to make it sometimes at work for breakfast and that always got me a bunch of strange looks.
  4. I like ketchup on my roast.  This used to just take the ex off his rails.  To me, it’s beef.  But I like steak sauce on my hamburgers.  He felt it ruined the roast and I think he even got a tad insulted.  To me, it enhances it.
  5. I love lima beans!  Not creamed, just good old fresh/frozen lima beans, prefer them steamed.  They are yummy.  Mix them with corn…succotash, yeah baby!
  6. IF I believed in reincarnation, I’d want to come back as a pampered house cat.  Black. That way it would make me very mysterious.  And I’d of course want a pink, blinged out collar.
  7. Sometimes I love to sit outside and blow bubbles.  I love them. I think it’s therapeutic.  Not to mention great fun with kids, but frankly I like it better by myself.

And now, to award this to 7 bloggers I enjoy:

The Beautiful Angeo at Martini’s Needed

Kim from Truly Simply Pink

Nani over at Chronicles of Nani

Susi over at Boca Frau

The Cinful one, Cinful Cinnamon

Ducky from Bat Crap Crazy

The other Marti who muses, Arty Marti

Hopefully they can all participate too!

Meet Me On Monday

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Acting Balanced

It’s Meet Me on Monday!  If you tweet out your blog post, feel free to add #MMOM to your tweets and Acting Balanced will try to retweet for everyone from @chascouponmom

Based on the original Meet Me on Monday hosted by Java at Never Growing Old, She’ll post  5 questions on Sunday evening along with a linky for you to link up your post answers!  If you have suggestions for next week’s questions please feel free to leave a comment or shoot her a message on twitter or on the Acting Balanced Facebook Page

Here are today’s Questions:

1. How do you like your eggs?
2. Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?
3. Do you have a place you keep ‘junk’ in your home?
4. What is on your ‘spring cleaning’ list?
5. What blog post have you written recently that you’d like more people to know about? (don’t forget to link it up)

Answer them on your blog and link up by clicking the ‘badge’ above.

1.  How  do you like your eggs?

Scrambled or an omelet for me.  Don’t like fried eggs, or hard  boiled.  Sometimes soft boiled with pieces of bread broken up in them are good,  the way mom made when I was a kid. But over all just good old scrambled is best.

2.  Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?

The last phone call was from my mom yesterday.  She was at the grocery store and needed to check if we had something in the pantry.  Text was with the mommy of the baby I watch telling me she’d be early today.

3.  Do you have a place you keep “junk” in your home?

We have a ‘junk drawer’  in the kitchen for odd things like lint rollers, batteries, scotch tape etc.  I really don’t have anything else that is for junk or a catch all spot.

4.  What is on your ‘spring cleaning’ list?

Hmmm….nothing really? Well the garage maybe but that really is it, we clean almost every weekend around here.

5.  What blog post have you written recently that  you’d like more people to know about?

Honestly? I have no idea.  My readership has been going up in numbers and I don’t really have any one particular one that stands out at this moment.

Ahhh…..

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Last night will forever rate as one of the most wonderful in my life.  I watched my baby boy marry a beautiful woman (inside and out) and officially become a daddy to his beautiful stepdaughter.

It is without a doubt one of the happiest evenings of my life with my son,  next to the day he was born of course.  Everything was just beautiful, went so nicely and if anything did go wrong I am unaware.

I really don’t have words for it all, but I have pictures! :)   Click on a photo to enlarge.  SO I’ll let the few photos that I have rounded up tell the story, and later when my brain has settled down some I’ll write about it.

My incredible son, me, and the beautiful bride, my daughter-in-law.

My gorgeous daughter and adorable granddaughter

The wedding party, escorted by a bagpiper, walking from the wedding ceremony to the reception.

My son and his bride headed to the reception

My son, a very skilled bagpiper, playing at the reception.

T.G.I.F.F. Musings

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Thank God It’s Finally Friday!!!!

It has been a LONG week.  To bed late (because even at nearly 49yo I am not a responsible adult), up early, and now walking 2 miles every evening or first thing in the morning.   The alarm went off this morning and I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off at first.  I’m SO glad I can go to be early tonight.  I won’t but I’m glad that I can!  I can sleep in tomorrow too, then the day is filled with pictures then the wedding of my son.  I am SO excited.  But first I need coffee.  LOTS of coffee.  I’m ready to sleep today whenever the baby naps.

I keep seeing something on various Facebook status updates that just bugs the crap out of me.  “My man completes me” or “my children complete me”.  EXCUSE ME, WTF?  NO one completes us, ladies!  We are complete all on our own.  No man or child makes you more complete.  If that is the case everyone out there minus a significant other and children is going through life an incomplete person.  I’m calling bulls**t!  Before you freak out let me explain.

Marvelous Marti was a complete person the day she was born.  Throughout my life everyone, and every experience that has crossed my path and touched my life has in some way tweaked who I am, fine tuned me.  They have brought out either my best or my worst, but in no way are any one of them the missing piece of me.  I’m whole all on my own.

People and experiences can expose the cracks in our souls, or even cause those cracks.  Depending on the degree of influence we allow them to have in our lives will depend on how much of our not so pretty sides gets seen, or how large the cracks they leave.  Sometimes they leave a gaping hole there, but it is nothing that cannot be repaired.   Or they can expose the beautiful parts of us and make those parts shine through. Good or bad, they help us to grow, but they do not in anyway complete the package.  They compliment or clash against us.

When we grow through the people and events in our lives, the growth is from inside, parts of us we may not have known we even possessed.  Deep inside is exactly what we need, when we need it, it is a matter of tapping into it.  A good example is when my ex-husband nearly died several times during our marriage after major surgeries.  Those times are when I discovered that inner strength was always there, I had just never needed it on that level before then.  Yes, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but only in the sense that like muscles being worked out gain strength, our inner courage and strength grow under hardship.  The muscles were there, we just build them up when we workout.  The strength we need is there, but until it needs to be flexed, we are unaware of it.

Last night, while at my son’s wedding rehearsal and dinner, I had a chance to sit back and really observe the man I was married to for 22 years, with eyes of indifference now that I’ve moved past the trauma of the end of that relationship, and with so much more knowledge of life and myself.  When my ex wanted a divorce it shattered my world, my heart, and left a hole the size of Texas.  But I was not suddenly ‘incomplete’ without him.  I thought he was my soul mate, the love of my life.  I realize now that there are many ‘soul mates’ out there, and sometimes we encounter people that their soul literally touches ours.  They look into our eyes and SEE into our heart and soul.  Theirs are open to us in those moments as well.  Those are soul mates.  My heart and soul were open to my ex, but he chose to never really look inside to find the treasure of who I am, to share in the marvelous riches of this woman.  And he kept me locked out of his.  I’d see glimpses now and then but he never allowed himself to be vulnerable and let me in.  His inner child is shattered, tortured and needs healing, IMHO.  I was not to be the one to fill those cracks with love, was never permitted to run my fingers through his soul and really FEEL who he was, and he certainly never made an effort to touch mine no matter how open it was for him.

After the divorce I felt that mutual soul ‘connection’ for the first time, and allowed someone to hold and examine my heart and soul, to understand me.  While it didn’t last, it was a beautiful thing to have someone touch that part of me, to love me despite every imperfection, to feel that my imperfections and flaws are a priceless piece of me.  I will  never again commit my life to someone that doesn’t want to run their fingers through my soul and know me, and that will not allow me to do the same with them.

My own inner child has known great pain and shattered dreams, to the point that it even hurt to breathe.  But in order to heal I’ve had to let her out to play, allow her run through the meadows now and then, chase butterflies and when needed, allowed love to creep in and fill the cracks.  Those who have been granted my vulnerability so that they could really know me have helped that healing by covering me in love.  Loving and being loved helps the healing process.  It doesn’t make us who we are, it helps us, like an antibiotic for the infection that is causing our pain, we use it to fight the contagion of broken dreams.  Scars are left behind  where  the cracks and holes once were, some are tender, but the wounds themselves are gone.

I will love deeply again, someone who can hold me when I’m most unlovable, and when I least deserve it. A soul mate who accepts my countless faults and can love those parts of me as much as they love the rest of who I am.  They will compliment me, but no one can ever complete me except for me.

My Thighs Are Screaming Obscenities

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Today is day 4 of training for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk on October 27-28th in Charlotte, NC.  Yes I am from Cincinnati but there is not a walk here this year with Avon.  Chicago is closer but that one is in June, not an adequate time frame to train to walk 39 miles.  79 days won’t cut it, I need the 226 to get this couch potato body in shape and ready for that kind of workout.  We walk 26 miles on day one, sleep in little tents in the wellness village, then walk 13 more miles the following day.  I think we’re supposed to drop dead after that, not sure but I know my body may just give up the ghost if I don’t prepare properly.

2 miles so far each day, and my legs would like to disown me and head for another couch.

Part of participating is raising at least $1,800 to be donated to the walk.  My personal goal is $2,500.  The Avon Foundation for Women, that is hosting/sponsoring this walk, has donated over $740 million to this cause since the walks started in 2003.  This cause is very near and dear to my heart so I am determined to raise the funds for it.

One way is through my donation site for the walk, and you can donated directly there and I get credit for the donation:



If you are willing to put this button above on your page, email me so I can send it to you!!

Or you participate in my eParty For AWBC (Avon Walk for Breast Cancer), I am donating all profits from those sales to the event.  This is helpful for those out of town that would like help and purchase Avon at the same time.

The 3rd way you can help is through the Avon Fund Raiser I’m conducting.  If you are local I can provide you with the sheets.  They are sheets for ordering awesome Avon products at a great price.  Like fund raisers conducted for schools or sports teams, only instead of wrapping paper, cookie dough or popcorn/chocolate,  these are products most people need anyway in their home.  Money is collected and the sheet filled out on the reverse side and then the profits from this fund raiser will be donated as well.  If you are local and willing to take a sheet to work or school, or to friends and family, to help me raise this money, contact me! (and yes if your troop, team or youth group needs a fund raiser, contact me, this is a great way for them to raise money!)

Mid-Week Odds And Ends

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It is hump day.  My brain is all over the place.  Probably because the pressure is mounting.

I have my dress for the wedding, but not my shoes yet.  I have NO idea what shoes to wear!  I will worry about those Friday.  Maybe. I hope.

And then there is the rehearsal dinner, which is tomorrow night.  I still need to find something to wear to that! ARGH!  Headed out after dinner in search of something.  Gotta love my last minute approach.

*Note to Melissa: I WILL have shoes don’t worry, promise not show up at your wedding in my bare feet. No guarantee how long the shoes will remain on at the reception.  Mother-of-the-groom or not, I just HATE shoes!*

Today I went and had my nails put back on.  You’ll recall that in December last year I boxed those up and shelved them along with my highlights.   Soon after that I dyed my hair cherry-cola (far cheaper than the salon highlights!).  With the wedding this weekend, mama needed to have her nails done again, so today I am sporting claws!  I missed them SO much, but now I’m trying to get used to typing with them again. Ugh.  Then I will get used them again and not be able to function without them.   Frankly I missed them when I wear rings, as I feel women should have pretty hands and nails are so girly!  People notice rings and I prefer my nails to look amazing when they do!

One of my favorite parts of this coming weekend is that my son will be gaining a daughter, and he will make a great step-dad.  In fact short of the gene pool, he will be her daddy in every way, a role he is well trained for as my ex-husband was ‘dad’ to my son from before he can remember.  If he is half the dad to his new daughter that my ex was to him, he will do great.  And of course this means I am gaining a granddaughter.  I am SO excited.  She already calls him daddy, and me grandma.  I love it.  I love her and her mom (knew her mom since she was a little girl and frankly cannot believe I didn’t see way back then that this match would happen.

Naturally, being a grandma, I have to step it up now on holidays a bit.  I have already purchased somethings for her for Easter.  :)   Yeah, like she isn’t spoiled enough already.

If you look at those eyes, there is mischief in them.  I believe she is trying to marry me off based on conversations we’ve had (see previous post. And recently, when I kept her for an evening while mommy and daddy went to dinner, we had this one:

(I was chatting on IM with Sir Lancelot at the time and she sat down next to me on the couch)

Little Miss Mischief Photo by Penny Hodge Photography http://www.pennyhodgephotography.net

Ryann:  Who is that, grandma? (she could see his photo in the IM window)

Marti:  He is a friend of mine.

Ryann:  What’s his name?

Marti:  Sir Lancelot.

Ryann:  Is he your boyfriend?

Marti:  Not exactly.

Ryann:  Why not?

Marti:  I don’t have a boyfriend, sweetie.

Ryann:  Well why not?

Marti:  Because grandma doesn’t want a boyfriend, I’m not dating anyone right now, I took the whole year off from that.

Ryann:  Well HE can be your boyfriend then!

Marti:  NO he can’t.

Ryann: Why not?

Marti:  It’s complicated.

Ryann:  Are you going to marry him?

Marti:  (hiding that terrified look again) Um, no, I don’t want to get married right now.

Ryann:  Well, marry him later!  :)

Marti:  Not likely sweetheart.

Ryann:   I think you should.

Marti:  It’s just not that easy, honey.

See what I mean?  I really need to watch this kid, she is seriously into the match making game here, it’s a bit frightening!  She goes at this like it’s her job.

I also think it best if I not leave her alone with Sir Lancelot for so much as a second!  I don’t want her giving him any crazy ideas either.

My son and his beautiful bride. Photo by Penny Hodge Photography http://www.pennyhodgephotography.net

Because I am always asked, my snake ring is from Avon, visit my store by clicking the name below if you’d like to purchase one:
Wild Safari Critter Ring – Snake

Wine & Cheese ~ 51st Serving

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Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Many weeks on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.

I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings.

Sit back and join me now for the 50th serving of some wine and cheese!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

WINE

:(  Okay, so it is my own fault that I’ve put on 20 pounds in the past 2 years, and therefore squeezing into old jeans is a bit harder than before.  But I still feel like whining about it. WAAAAAAAAA!

:(   Cats.  I love my cat, I love our little ‘special’ cat that we are pretty sure is mentally challenged, and I love the big tabby.  However I do NOT like ‘crinkle ball soccer’ in my room after I’ve gone to bed.  WHY my room??

:(   24 hours in a day is simply not cutting it.  I need about 48 to get a dent made in all that I need to do over the next 3 days so that on Saturday I can be in wedding mode for my son’s big day.

:(   I didn’t win the lottery.  That just sucks.

CHEESE

:)   I’m slowly out of the gate, training for the big breast cancer walk in October (shameless plug – > see badge on my page, please donate, I need to raise $1,800!).  This means I’m going to shed that 20 pounds!

:)   Because of the training I’m back on my SparkPeople account, logging every morsel going into my mouth, with shocking realization of what I need to change!

:)   I am loving the rich color I have from last night’s dye party!  See the previous post for a review of the hair color product I’m sporting now.

:)   Giggles…gotta love ‘em.  And nothing is as sweet as the sound of baby giggles and full blown belly laughs.  I love my daycare job!

:)   AVON – just LOVE this company, the products, working for myself and making women feel great about themselves both in what they purchase and if they become a rep and I get to train and work with them.

DESSERT

PRODUCT REVIEW: Avon Advanced Techniques Professional Hair Color

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Back in the 70′s, Avon sold hair color.  I’m not certain why but they stopped at some point.

Beginning in campaign 9, Avon is once again in the home hair color business.  As representatives we were given a free product, color of our choice, to try.  Being natural blondes around here, we are touching up roots often, as we dye our hair a cherry-cola color.  Red dye fades a bit fast, and when your roots are naturally very light, as they come in it can make your hair look like it is thinning rapidly.

My sister, Jeannette, and I use the same color from John Frieda.  We both chose the same color from Avon, that is closest to what we were using.  This is our review:

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Avon Advanced Techniques Professional Hair Color used:  Medium Mahogany Brown 5.65

Marti:  I will be the first to admit that I was skeptical about this product.  Until last November I had never ‘dyed’ my hair.  I am a natural blond and I’ve had highlights done for years, but back around Thanksgiving I decided to go ‘cherry cola’ in color.  As I have no experience, my sister dyes my hair for me.  She has been coloring hers and her daughters for years.  With 4 days to go til my son’s wedding, I figured I was nuts to do this, unsure what to expect,, but my roots needed done so figured what the heck, we have the free color from Avon, let’s give it a shot.  Since it was going to be a bit different, we opted to dye it as a color change.  Both of us used the same color tonight.

Jeannette:  Having used and applied well over 10 different brands of home hair colorant over the years (likely everything on the market), this is the most unique I have ever come across.   Never have I heard of or seen a pre-treatment with hair color.  The rule was start out with clean, dry hair.  I was skeptical as this pretreatment made the hair kind of wet.  That worried me, as I know how hard it is to get the colorant from root to tip of the hair, but when I actually applied the color mix, it was very easy to coat the hair, root to end.  It felt a bit like applying a thick oil to the hair and it went on VERY evenly.

Marti:  The first thing I noticed was the pleasant smell.  Usually dye has a harsh smell, but this was very nice.  I could also feel the difference as Jeannette was applying the color to my hair, a slick, thick, almost oily feeling.  Not at all what I was used to with the foam colors.

Jeannette:  As the person applying I am having to step back several times from the intense chemical smell of dyes, but this time I had no problem at all.  It didn’t irritate my nose or eyes, and does in fact have a fairly nice smell to it.  Also, when dying hair, you end up getting it on skin to some degree at the hair line.  A trade secret my daughter taught me was to use a little dye from my hair to rub on the skin to wipe it off any residual color, with cotton or a tissue (dye removes dye).  However, this wiped right off, without any hard rubbing, very easily on a tissue!

Marti:  After the processing time, my next surprise was the post-treatment.  WOW!  It is thick, almost like a soft margarine, and felt amazing in my hair!  I couldn’t believe how great my hair felt after as well, very soft as opposed to a dry, straw like feeling I’m used too after coloring.

Jeannette:  I was really happy how it didn’t drip during processing and it rinses out very easily!  And that post-treatment, feels like whipped butter, rinses out super easily, and even my hands are soft from it!  Both of us have soft, shiny hair too, which is something I have never seen with other brands.  It is multi-tonal as well, like natural hair color.  As the light hits it you see reds, browns etc, varying shades like you would if this was your own hair and not an applied color.

We are both highly impressed, and cannot say enough about it!  Once again, Avon has surpassed our expectations!

Your results may not be the same as our own, we can only speak for ourselves from our experience.  We will be using this again!!!