Mood swings…they suck
You never see it coming, then suddenly “BAAM” you get your head bit off.
Or your significant other is in the kitchen banging stuff around pissed off (do people do that when when are happy? NO!).
You ask, “What’s wrong?”
Them: “NOTHING”
Yeah whatever dorfwad.
Being single means only dealing with your own moodiness.
(and believe me MEN do have mood swings!)
I’m coming off of an interesting weekend, one that left me somewhat shocked but also confirmed my beliefs about a situation and the misery it would have actually brought to me. I am a person that doesn’t handle it well when someone is upset with me. If I have made someone angry or hurt them, I’m obsessed with trying to fix that and make it better. And I am a person that needs closure on things to move past them, real closure. I don’t give up easily without doing all I can to right a wrong. Keep in mind I am very bull headed and stubborn, being born under the sign of Taurus and while this digging in my heals and refusing to budge can be good in achieving goals, on the negative side that trait can mean it takes me a while to go admit my wrong and try to mend a broken fence. So if there is fencing down between me and you, give it time I’ll make an attempt to fix it and if we cannot work together to reconstruct that which has been broken, I will then seek to find closure.
If you have been following my Dating Diaries you know that The Count and I split in mid December. It was the final heartbreak for me for a long time to come, I just cannot handle it anymore and need to focus on ME for a while. Not to say that things won’t change but I learned never say never long ago! I know I boxed him up and put him on the shelf. But the damn packing tape wouldn’t stick. That told me I still had some lose ends hanging out that needed addressing. Not the least of which is I hate when I don’t know why something failed, especially a relationship. I wanted to talk to him to find out what went wrong so I could fix that if it was something with me that needs fixing. So I sent a text asking if we could talk. No answer, big surprise there (read with sarcastic tone). So I followed that up with a text that I could stop by the store. WHOA that was a mistake. I received the following back in a text:
I am not dealing with you in any way, shape or form. Do not show up at my store or a restraining order will be got by me on you. I want to make it clear, there’s nothing to discuss, no reason to meet and anything further will be considered stalking and I will proceed to the restraining order!
I have had one restraining order taken out against me, it was during my divorce from my first husband, the violent man that was an alcoholic. I had threatened to break into the house and paint the living room ceiling black with orange polka dots. It was an ugly time and I was out of line to make a threat like that, because frankly I don’t know what I was thinking, the polka dots would have been PINK not orange. Anyway I don’t need or want another one issued for me. I’ve not been stalking Steve, in fact I’ve not sent a single text in a month, I was hoping to give him some space to think things through then maybe we could sit down like adults and talk. Silly me.
So, after receiving that text I went back to look over things thoroughly myself. Remember the list of Pros and Cons I had written regarding our relationship? Well I went back and reviewed those with a now far less emotional mindset. I could and should add a few things. Frankly he is a complete asshole to his mother, I was gentle with that then but if that is how I’d be treated (and I firmly believe the way a man treats his mother is a good indication of what is to come for you in a relationship), we’d have come to blows. Oh that likely would happen too, seeings as in his past he has a little domestic violence charge because he found his first wife in bed with someone and tossed the guy through a window and punched her in the face causing some damage.
Add into that the fact that he didn’t want me to dye my hair a different color, no more tattoos because that was ‘littering your body with ink’, and a host of other little things that I would not do, he did not approve of etc etc etc and I see a short fused CONTROL FREAK that would keep my free spirited nature caged up again. Nope this would NOT work at all.
Back when things fell apart I was really confused. I had assumed, since he deleted me from his Facebook and then wouldn’t respond to texts or phone calls (the day after telling me he loved me and thanking me for my patience because he was working so much), that we must be done, over, no more a couple. This is the text I received finally back then explaining things:
When u post things on facebook or ur friends do my grandson can see all of it. And with that said I had some issues with the dear diary thing, then ur friends post of the topless woman protest on wall street the thecheerleader kicking with a stain in her white shorts. I was mad and told jadon to defriend u and I did the same thinking he still might be able to see it. he doesn’t need to see or read that kind of stuff, and he goes to his friends house and logs on too to which I don’t need someone else mad at me on posts I had nothing to do with. So I did what I did and see that u assumed the worst so I need to step back and rethink the entire thing.
That was the last communication I had with him until the restraining order threat. Now, the ‘dear diary’ thing is my blog. And he knew all about the blog and told me he didn’t care what I posted on it, it was mine and I could talk about me and him or whatever, it didn’t matter, that was my thing and he was supportive. I guess he really did have issues with it? Most likely because I am so honest about myself on it. Like about my past life prior to him, being a swinger etc etc. Guessing he didn’t want his family to know that he had a girlfriend with a colorful past. Silly me, then open your mouth and say something. It wouldn’t have changed a damn thing, my blog is MY outlet, my inner self and I write what I want and won’t be told not too. Obviously he also doesn’t have a clue about blogging if he called it a ‘dear diary thing’. Oh and the grandson, is 12 years old. Gramps there better get a clue that kid has likely seen worse. And it isn’t my job to police others kids on Facebook. My kids are adults and I wasn’t really thinking in the Disney mode of posting anymore.
My sister stopped in to purchase a ham during the holidays and they talked about me and him a bit. When she asked him what he would assume if I had removed him from Facebook and then wouldn’t respond to texts of phone calls for a few days what he would have thought, he agreed, he would have assumed we were done, and that I hadn’t “assumed the worst” any more than he would have. He seemed to see things very differently that day and said he was going to call me that night. He then gave her one hell of a discount on the ham (guilt?). I never heard from him.
After retracing things, rethinking certain disapproving looks, remarks, out and out “no you won’t”, “If you are going to be a part of this family you better…”, and in light of the above…closure I can now have. I would have been miserable had that continued. I was in yet another relationship with a man that was mean spirited and controlling, and I was blind to it from the familiar dance steps for years and years past.
Yes, the box is now taped to stay with super glue just in case I have a weak moment. And I’ve seen that my decision to spend this year relationship free is a very good thing. I need to break the cycle of attraction to men that are controlling assholes. I need a man with a strong personality, but that isn’t the same as a little mini-dictator that has to control others.
Time is the one thing of value that we cannot make more of, find more of, discover etc.
We’re given one life and a limited amount of time to live it.
Being single means I have more freedom with my time to do things I need or want to do.
Like building my business.
Juggling a relationship (2 since starting Avon) made it hard to devote enough time to keep the relationship and the business growing at the rate necessary.
The business is my money, my livelihood. Getting it to where it can support me is critical.
I was married 2x, the first just 3 years, the second, 22 years. I know what kind of time and commitment that takes.
I don’t have time for a friend with benefits let alone a relationship.
Being single….Time…it is all mine and on MY side right now.
It happens, this thing called Drama.
For some of us simply waking up means there it is, waiting for our eyes to open.
Others…well they have to try harder I suppose.
Drama is going to happen in a relationship.
Be it with friends of his/hers, family, whatever or whoever, drama will occur.
Unless of course you are single.
No drama with his mama….
or sister, or niece, or whoever.
AHHH!
Holidays are stressful enough without trying to split them down the middle.
His parents want you at their house, her parents want you around their table.
No one wants to give, especially the couple, when it comes to traditions.
Our family always does….
Thankfully, when it is just you, there is no need to worry about where you will spend a holiday or if it can be split in such a way as to make everyone (except the two of you) happy.
One nice thing about being single, male or female:
The toilet seat is always just as you left it!
Leave it up, it stays put.
Leave it down, and there it will be next time you use the bathroom.
Personally, I prefer to keep the lid closed, keeps cats from drinking from it and from knocking things IN to the commode.
As a part of the 100 Things I Love series, here are 10 websites I love.
Not necessarily in any particular order, and by no means and exhaustive list! I am going to do a 10 blogs I love to read another time so this won’t include blogs. It doesn’t include social media either, that is another category on it’s own. 
Pajamas are all about practical.
You wear flannel or fleece to be comfortable.
You can answer the front door in them if the door bell rings without giving anyone heart failure.
Nick & Nora are far less expensive than Victoria Secret.
Your dog or cat couldn’t care less what you look like crawling into bed.
Nick & Nora will actually be worn…more than 5 minutes.
Jammies – all about YOU!
Practical, comfy jammies
Yes, I really do NEED a sugar daddy. I think. See, I have no idea exactly what a sugar daddy is for other than money. What is expected of him, of me, etc? It’s complicated.
I went to Wikipedia, like any savvy Internet addict would do, and found this:
Sugar daddy is a slang term for a man who offers money or gifts to a younger person in return for companionship or sexual favours.
Hmmm….THAT isn’t much help for me. I’m not ‘younger’ by most definitions. In other words the men that would see me as ‘younger’ are far older and probably beyond the help of a little blue pill and on to penile implants. That isn’t going to work.
A look at the website, Sugar Daddy Finder sounds more like an escort service!!! Sorry, you can make the definition as pretty as you like but strip away the fancy words and you still have….a prostitute.
So…Sugar Companion? Didn’t find a definition for that but face it, same thing just more compatible in age. *heavy sigh*
What’s a girl to do?
Money – yes that part is good.
Lavish gifts? Well I certainly would NOT turn down an iPhone and iPad.
But um…about that intimacy part with a Hugh Hefner wannabe…. not so much.
Maybe I’ll take up rubbing dirt on my face, making a cardboard sign, and sitting on a corner begging…
He is SO hot, hold me back!
Seriously, when was the last time I painted my toes?
Hmmm…..before the camping trip I think, around Halloween.
See, I was dating The Count back then and so I kept the piggies all pretty.
Now that I am single?
Screw it, who cares? Still a peek of red polish left on a few toes and I just don’t care!
The person I am NOT dating, married to, involved with, LOVES all my friends!
The beauty of being single is that there is no one to say they don’t like your friends, or a particular friend.
The person you are NOT involved with never complains about any of them, knocks them, etc.!
Advice for the girls: Chicks before dicks!
Flip it if you are a guy, never let anyone come between you and your friends.
It is Listicle Time!!!!
Oh yes, we are going THERE.
There as in bodily functions considered RUDE beyond words when performed in front of others.
Functions some folks (read: MEN) think are just hilarious.
Okay SOME men, my son for one.
My father used to lift a cheek, let one fly, then say “Oh, did you hear that trumpet roach?”
Not funny.
Especially trapped in a car on the highway with him.
My ex-husband on the other hand would have been mortified to let slip in front of anyone, as it is rude and obnoxious and in poor taste.
Oh alright there are some women the find them amusing. I’m not one of them. However if you engage me in a fart war, I will win.
Consider yourself warned.
Anyway…being single means not having to worry about the issue at all!
I decided for a little change up today to Vlog these answsers.
Click this photo ^^ to link up!
1. Where do you hid the reeally good snacks?
I don’t hide snacks, but chocolate? Oh yes I do hide that. But only if I purchased it for myself. In a house of 4 women chocolate is like gold. Because the Princess Palace (aka: Diva Den) has strict privacy rules about other’s bed chambers anything in my room is considered off limits and safe. But I still have hiding places for it even in my room.
2. Do u keep your vehicle clean or am I the only one who has things falling out of their van?
For the most part my car is pretty clean inside. I go in spurts of cleaner some days than others. Being in Avon, on any given day there could be a number of boxes of brochures in my car, in bags, ready to give out to anyone that happens to be walking upright and breathing. But there is no food, and the car seats from babysitting are gone now (I used to have 2 in my home daycare that required car seats and one that needed a booster).
current condition of my back seat
3. Have you ever been to Vegas?
While I do apply the Vegas rule to any and every situation (what happens there stays there), I have never been to Vegas. Funny thing is, I have ZERO desire to go to Vegas. I might be the only person I know who couldn’t care less if it vanished off the face of the earth. Just nothing about Vegas appeals to me. Not even getting married by an Elvis Presley impersonator would be a draw, not really into that or drive-through weddings either. I don’t gamble, money is too hard to come by to do that, might as well light it and toss it in the fireplace!
Not for me, but click the photo to get info on it if that is what you are seeking.
4. Warm room light blankets or cold room warm snuggly blanket?
COLD room, warm snuggly blanket please! In fact electric blankets are good, I love mine. My cat likes my room cold too because she sleeps on the blanket and keeps warm, usually against my leg.
5. What is the worst airplane/flying experience you’ve ever had?
I will go on record as saying I HATE flying. Terrified the entire time. It is so hard to read or sleep when one is a complete basket case.
First bad experience, and the worst, was my second time in the air, coming home from Cancun. Thankfully the flight down was smooth and uneventful or I’d have hitch hiked back to the states and then hopped a Grey Hound bus home. Coming back I needed to use the ladies room, so I unbuckled my seat belt (that alone was enough to bring on a panic attack) and went. While sitting on the commode we hit turbulence. The flight attendants recommended buckling up. I’m frantically searching all over around the potty, seems no one thought to install a seat belt for the plane toilets. I was certain I was going to bounce against the door, forcing it open, landing with my fat ass sticking up in the air, pants around my ankles, and that when we crashed that is how my body would be found! Thankfully I was able to hang on, finish my business and get back to my seat. No doubt I looked like I had seen death eye to eye when I returned.
Now in order to get on a plane, which I have done a few more times because it is about the only way to make it to a foreign country in reasonable time, I require Xanex. When I informed my doctor about how much it disturbs other passengers to see me laying in the fetal position on the floor sucking my thumb and weeping hysterically, he agreed I needed some flying assistance. I pop one of those babies, have a really big, strong drink at the bar in the airport, and then board the plane. By the time we hit cruising altitude I am out cold sleeping. It is the only way to fly.
Showering.
It’s a choice you can make if you are single.
No need to bother with it.
Spend the entire weekend without one if you can stand yourself that long.
Totally awesome shower curtain, click the photo if you want to purchase it or see other cool ones!
Okay this one isn’t quite mine.
I mean I had it on my list as sleeping anywhere you wish in the house.
Not on the couch because you are fighting and you were banished or decided to be a dolt (listen if you opt for the couch rather than the bed you are indeed a dolt).
But you fall asleep wherever and it is YOUR choice to sleep there.
The part not quite mine is what a local DJ on the radio posted on his Facebook this morning, that goes right along with this reason:
“The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter…naked…again.”
~ Jeff Thomas Q102 http://www.facebook.com/jeffthomasradio
Picture 'borrowed' from Daily Cognition, click photo to see other funny animal sleeping pics
You give him/her your car keys.
Or if you are married to them they have their own set.
They head out using your car that has enough gas to get you to and from work for the next 3 days.
The next morning, you get in the car and there is just barely any gas in the tank.
The light indicating you need gas comes on half way to work.
Their response?
“You have enough to go 30 miles when the light comes on.”
Yeah, IF you don’t have to sit in bumper to bumper traffic on the highway due to some moron on a cell phone rear ending a semi!
Single means there is ALWAYS the same amount of gas in your tank as when you last parked the car!
I’m in like the 3rd week of daily doses of hot flashes. This sucks. Really it does. I love summer, love warm to hot weather. But walking around in my own mini-tropical climate has got to go. I keep a hand fan nearby, and when I cannot find it any envelope, folded paper, Avon brochure will due. Winter and there I sit at my desk, bedroom door closed so I can maintain my personal ice-box, made by opening my bedroom window. The cats love it, they see it as full theater experience cat-television when they can sit in an open window. But I think I’ve seen icicles hanging from their whiskers. Knowing my luck they’ll get pneumonia and die and I’ll be left with the guilt.
Thankfully I live with all women because more often than not, when I’m not babysitting, I’m parading around in a sport bra and pajama pants, fanning myself. A truly magnificent sight, no doubt, especially with the beads of sweat running down the small of my back and between the twins. I am I’m used to getting these in spurts of a week or two every so often over the years, but this time they seem to have moved in and paid advance rent for a while. I’d love if I could purchase a few packages, say a years supply, of this mini-heatwave to have the karma bus drop off to all my ex-boyfriends and the ex-husbands.
Today is one of the weird weather days in these parts. Actually seems weird pretty much all over the midwest. It is January 17th, when we are supposed to have cold and maybe even snow. Instead we had thunderstorms and it is 55 degrees outside at the moment. Instead of blizzard or snow storm warnings, we have flood warnings. Lovely. It is NOT cooperating with my need to open the window in an effort to reduce the portable sauna I’m carrying around.
I think there is a conspiracy going on to make me retract my year of no relationships. A few subtle types have tried to weigh things in their favor with “hey, let’s get some dinner, and a few beers sometime and chat”. Sly devils, they know my weakness for food and adult beverages. And then there is one known as Sir Lancelot who has pretty much just parked himself and his horse on the one side of the scale, a scale tipping over achiever. I haven’t figured out how my granddaughter (well soon to be but to me she is already in my heart, why wait til the wedding?) fits into all this but if I didn’t know better I’d swear someone was slipping her payments to help their case. Today in the kitchen, she gave me a hug and the following conversation ensued:
Ryann: I love you, grandma Marti
Little Red - full of mischief
Me: I love you too Red.
Ryann: You need to get married again.
Me: Why would that be??? (trying to mask the horrified look on my face, and shear terror at the word “married”)
Ryann: Because you need a husband.
Me: Why do I need a husband?????
Ryann: Well, because you do, and then I’d have another grandpa!
It is tough but I had to tell her it is most unlikely that is on my horizon. Not on my current agenda in life, and it requires finding Mr. MaybeRightThisTime and that spells heartache and well I don’t even want to go down that road of thought. The fact that I have had a recurring dream for the 3rd night in the past week, about the ex-hubster and I reconciling and remarrying did not help her case. In case you are wondering, hell is more likely to freeze over and the Mayans to be correct that December this year marks the end of the world, than me and the ex ever reconciling. Once I was set free from that cage that I lived in while married, I REFUSE to ever go back inside. My ex would not have me as I am, the REAL me, so no worries there folks. He’ll find a much meaker, mild mannered woman to conform to his mold, and maybe one day I will find my white knight that prefers to enjoy this bird as she is, no clips, no cage.
Meanwhile, I’m just fanning myself and enjoying life as a single chick. The bright pink one in the midst of the pale yellow ones. Unique, wacky, quirky, sassy, crazy, nut-case and untamable. The way I like it. Marriage?? *shudder* Not likely kiddo, not likely. I’m scared to death of getting in a relationship again. Not only because I don’t want to have my heart broken but I’m also afraid of hurting someone else. Why I’m not sure, as no one keeps me so I’m the one left hurting each time. The very idea of being married again is enough to cause a panic attack of epic proportions and put me in the hospital.
We’ve all been there.
You’re about to stick something in your mouth that you’ve been craving…
Some yummy treat full of fat, calories, and sugar.
The significant other looks at you and says:
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
REALLY?
YES you dork, I know it isn’t healthy.
I have PMS.
And UMS (Ugly Mood Syndrome).
You’re living beyond the next 5 minutes is greatly dependent upon your ability to just SHUT UP.
Pig out if that is what you wish, you are single now.
Eat whatever you desire!
*for the recipe for this outstanding looking feast below, click the photo to go to the website*
It’s that time of the year again, when colds and flu are rampant and everyone is stuffed up, coughing and sneezing…it’s gross really.
I am a victim yet again of the cough, sniffle, blow, wipe, sneeze and repeat process. I am stuffed up tight despite the nasal sprays, Neti Pot and Thermaflu in an effort to un-clog the nasal passages. This just sucks. Without NyQuil and a few beers I’d likely not get any sleep. Yes I know, this isn’t good to do. DON’T try it at home, I’m a certifiable nutcase professional, leave it to us Pros.
Despite not feeling 100% I did manage to sign 2 new recruits this weekend, and hopefully a 3rd this evening. I have another for later this week. All in all, no complaints there. However, by the time I finish this meeting tonight I’ll be lucky to have any voice left to speak of!
I’ve decided to take part in a new (new to me) blog hop/meme today. I found it on a blog I follow and it looked fun. I love lists so this one is right up my alley. Today it is 10 things I said I’d never do, then found myself doing. This won’t be that hard, I hope. Click the Monday Listicles icon below to be magically transported over to North West Mommy’s page to link up!
