It has been quite a while since I updated the status of my love life. I’m sure everyone out there is chomping at the bit to know just how things are going between me and the man I met on a dating site. I’m still kind of in shock at times that I went from happily married, to divorced and shattered on every mental and emotional level, to healing slowly, seeing a married man (in my own defense I had NO idea Mr. Wonderful was married until the end of the relationship), dating a super hero, then going out on over a dozen first dates with men I met online through dating sites. Some of those first dates made it to a 2nd, and one or two hit a 3rd, but the 13th 1st date was to a man that held the key to my heart’s garden. You all know him as The Count, the nickname I gave him because of his love of all things Halloween. On my supporting cast page, he is Steve.
July 22nd of this year I went on my 13th and last first date. I walked into one of my favorite places to grab bite to eat and a cold beer, to meet someone I almost turned down. Not because he wasn’t attractive, he is very good looking. But mostly because I didn’t think I was what he was looking for based on the profile. But it kept eating at me so I finally replied to his email and agreed to dinner. That night I walked in, and looked into the eyes of someone that turned me inside out just looking at me. I had this happen one other time in my life, and I was married for 22 years as a result. There is a chemistry there, with a stranger, that when you look into their eyes you see their soul, and they in turn see yours. I’ve read that we all have a particular scent and ‘sense’ about us, that attracts the partner that is the right mix for us. Not sure if I believe that, but when I use the term chemistry, well I guess there is something to it? SOMETHING clicks, like the fit of pieces in a 2 piece puzzle coming together, something is just RIGHT. That was what I felt, it was like I had known him without ever having met. If I were one that believed in reincarnation I’d say I found my mate from a previous life, but I don’t so I won’t go there.
My heart went through so much pain I never imagined feeling love again. Then to have it broken as it was finally healing, not once but twice after my divorce, well this princess had raised the drawbridge, added extra piranas to her mote and given up hope. I had given up on love but I also enjoyed the company of a nice man, so, while locking up my heart, I still decided to date so I could at least get out of the house now and then. One of the men I met, that made it to a second date, nicknamed himself Romeo. He wrote a very good description of my heart as a garden, that I in turn picked up and ran with, as it was very accurate, The Marvelous Secret Garden and I posted what he had written to me. Shortly after our first date he wrote more, in Part 2, ever hoping he’d be the one holding the key. He had read just about every blog post I’ve written here, and possibly the ones from my previous blog site when married. He definitely knew me rather well but he was not the one that held the key, and would have to forever remain outside of the garden. My heart is well protected behind very thick walls and a locked gate that only 3 have ever held the key too. Until now.
I wrote about meeting Steve, and how he looked right into my soul but didn’t push against the barriers, or try to find his way in. He didn’t have too, because the key to my heart isn’t something one would know they have, or I would know, until they unlocked it. That was just over 3 months ago, but it feels like we’ve known each other so much longer.
I’ve slowly met his family, and he has slowly been introduced to mine. Things are progressing forward at a slow, steady pace. Each time we’re together it is a little harder to be apart until the next time. My heart very much loves him, but is able to take it’s time, letting this unfold and grow. I’m learning to trust again, in the area of opening up and allowing someone inside my heart and mind. I don’t have issues with jealousy this time, I never lack for assurance of his feelings for me. When I’m with him I feel more safe and secure than I have ever felt in my life, that he would protect me. My soul feels at peace with him. I miss him a great deal when we are not together, but not in a clingy way, just a like a part of me is missing, until we’re together again. I’m happy, very happy, in the sweetest possible way.
He hasn’t once tried to change me, he allows me to be true to myself. I don’t try or even want to change him. We balance each other nicely, even in areas where we will agree to disagree in our thoughts or views. It is a relationship being built on a solid foundation of love and respect (perhaps the biggest missing piece to my failed marriage), one brick at a time. (thanks again, Chuck, that book you recommended, Love And Respect, is a life changer!)
So in case you were wondering, yes, he is still within the walls of my heart, slowly and carefully exploring that garden with me, and sharing more and more of his own heart, a piece at a time. As each day passes, the other side of the garden that was so severely destroyed and burned, has grown over with vegetation and flowers, and the signs of the destruction are barely visible now. There is no rush down the path, no need too. We have all of our lives ahead of us to see where this might lead, and I’m savoring every minute of that journey. It is SO very different from any relationship that I’ve had before.