Monthly Archives: December 2010

The Year Of Drastic Change -2010 In Review

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As this year comes to a close I’ve been reflecting on all the things that have changed in the landscape of my life over this past 12 months. In hind sight I can see that it was all a blessing but at the time much of it was happening it seemed like anything but for my good. I’ve also been reflecting on things that I want to change in the coming year, more like goals rather than resolutions. Resolutions seem to never be kept but realistic goals often do.

January – And So It Ends: My year began with an ending, the ending of my nearly 22 year marriage and 23 year relationship with my husband.  I was still in shock when I made my only post for January, from the announcement he made in the middle of the month that he wanted out and that it was all my fault.  Seems he could not deal with my anger issues that I really never accepted had existed up until that point.  I don’t for a minute believe that excuse, but I did seek medical help and was diagnosed with a serotonin imbalance that is easily kept in check with medication.  It was the beginning of this blog page, as my other one about being a Fire Wife was now obsolete.

February – The Drama Unit Is Formed, My First Major Step of Independence and The Dream House all chronicled some of the first stages in my spreading my wings to fly from the castle where I had lived with my Prince Charming who turned out to be a major fraud, in my opinion.

March – The shock was wearing off and reality setting in as I felt Homeless within my own house, and not yet part of the household of the Divas.

April – This month saw some realization and a turning point mentally and emotionally for me in my Ah Ha Moment and also seeing myself as aggressive rather than a passive victim, Don’t Call Me A Survivor regarding my circumstances.  It was a month of growth inwardly and anticipation of our big move into the new house.

May – The Divas Uncorked life in our new home on the first of the month, and I became a Reformed Cat Hater as I was given a kitten as a heart band-aid. Nurturing and loving her  little orphaned self did wonders for me.

June – We saw the end of a local icon, as Touch Down Jesus burned When Something Wicked This Way Came, our first major stormy night at the Diva Den, and I started a weekly post Wine & Cheese Wednesday where I ‘whine’ a bit each week about pet peeves and such.  It will return in the new year, I have been taking a break during December from my regular posts.

July – Summer brought about a new attitude in me, and I finally reached the point where I got angry and wrote my reply to my Soon To Be Ex Though Not Soon Enough when he asked why I was so angry at him. I realized then his hold over me had broken. I also had my 100th Blog Post and shared a bit more detail about my wonderful, awesome, perfectly imperfect self.

August -The Ink Was Dry and The Chapter Closed on my marriage with the final hearing and granting of our divorce. Later that day Lord Voldemort, as my now former husband is known in the Diva Den, blocked me from being able to text or call him and the house phone had been disconnected. I also came to realize that the Someone who has made my life worth living for was no one other than myself, another major step toward healing! The very end of the month, the final weekend, Mr. Wonderful/TSASA (Twisted Steel And Sex Appeal) walked back into my life and so began my learning to eat my words about never loving again.

September - I made some decisions about my life in determining only to allow those Who Are Willing To Ride The Bus with me when my limo is broken down to get close to me from now on. I also had one last major confrontation with the ex, at which point I realized, I DIRECT MY LIFE NOW and I really don’t give a flying frog’s butt what he thinks.

October – As Autumn had set in it became Time For Some Pruning in my life, and a follow up Landscaping Of My Life, as while I had already removed the sinful, dark parts of my life I needed to finish off the final traces of that way of life as I began moving closer to my return to a right path in life.

November – I faced head on The Monster Within me and accepted the harsh reality that I cannot drink alcohol, especially on my medication which intensified the issues, and not cause serious damage to the relationships around me. I have not had a drink since Thanksgiving, don’t crave or miss it, and in fact over all feel much better.

December – And this month has ushered in many changes for me in going ‘home’ where All Is Right In My World, how I’d plan out my Last Meal if given the chance, enjoying my ongoing relationship with Mr. Wonderful, and now facing the unknown ahead as my mother’s cancer has returned. I’ve been embraced by my church family, have a mentor of sorts in my wonderful friend, Jane, who keeps me accountable and prays for me and my feet are back on the firm foundation of my Savior.

My Goals For The Coming Year

I have set a few goals that I hope are realistic for this coming year.

*Beginning 1/1/11 I will make every effort to avoid mentioning my ex-husband in my blogs, and if it is necessary will try to make it as positive and brief as possible.  I must thank him for setting me free, as I’ve gotten to know me all over again, found someone very special that thinks I am pretty incredible even with all of my flaws, and I found out that there is a better life outside of the palace.  This  will thrill the diaper off Lord Voldemort as he actually calls my mommy to tell on me when I post something he doesn’t like!  Comical isn’t it?  He needs to grow up and grow a pair very badly and try talking to me (not cussing a blue streak but COMMUNICATING like an adult).  I’m 47yo, I’ll post what I want, when I want, you lost the right to tell me what to do on 1/15/10 when you asked for a divorce.  ::raises my glass:: here is to hoping karma continues to chomp your butt as it has since I moved out, and that you grow up some day, little boy. *CHEERS*  (okay NOW I feel better and will pray it doesn’t keep chomping)

*I have a goal to focus on the health of my soul, feeding it by being at church for both services on Sundays, the mid-week prayer meeting, and be in the Word daily for feeding my soul and memorizing passages.  I revamped my other blog page into a positive place for my Spiritual Journey, taking something dark and sinful and making it honoring to God.

*I fully intend to allow this relationship with Mr. Wonderful to bloom and grow at its own pace, doing it RIGHT this time, and keeping it Christ centered.  We may not always do it right, but my goal is to strive for that.

*And to take better care of myself, start walking at least every other day, and drink 64 ounces of water a day.

Where Does My Help Come From?

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This morning when I woke up the first thing I did was reached for my bible.  I was seeking comfort and assurance as I am wrestling internally over the news that my mother’s cancer has returned.   I hate the unknown, and I’m trying to keep my thoughts from going into a panic mode.   As a daughter of the Most High, naturally my comfort should be sought in Him and so I wanted to see what His  word would be today to hold me up.  Psalm 121 was what I came across, another one I need to memorize!   It did bring comfort to me, as well as the verse hanging on my wall, Isaiah 41:10.  These will be my strength verses to meditate on today.

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

10 Fear not, for I am with you;
      Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
      I will strengthen you,
      Yes, I will help you,
      I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Psalm 121

A Song of Ascents.

 1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
         From whence comes my help?
 2 My help comes from the LORD,
         Who made heaven and earth.
         
 3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
         He who keeps you will not slumber.
 4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
         Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
         
 5 The LORD is your keeper;
         The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
 6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
         Nor the moon by night.
         
 7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
         He shall preserve your soul.
 8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
         From this time forth, and even forevermore.

For The First Time Again

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In the midst of a post I’m working on I got distracted by news that my mom’s cancer is back.  I hit a block and will get back to that post but I needed a music break.

I was listening to the video I had posted this morning (see below this post) of Jason Gray and clicked off on this one and loved it.  It really speaks to where I am over the past month. This Sunday marks the 4th in a row, one month, that I’ve been back ‘home’ in my church and among my church family that had been praying for me.  Jaded…bitter…yep that would be me.  It’s something I’ve struggled with lately and I’m praying about it all.  The song is great, and I think this whole CD is one I will just have to own  soon, like I feel a little road trip to the store coming on Friday afternoon!  The songs on this one are just ministering so much to me right now.

Day 11 – A Photo Of Me Recently

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All About Me In 30 Days – Day 11

This is not a favorite day in the “All About Me In 30 Days” challenge.  Mostly because I believe the past year has aged me rapidly as I worked through the pain of my divorce.  But I also grew and matured in areas that make up for that.  I don’t like the idea of aging gracefully, I want to fight it every step of the way.  But the reality is I am getting older and need to just accept that I suppose.

So  here are some photos from Christmas Eve this year, that is about as recent as it gets!

Divas! Right to left: Sarah, Jeanne, Boo, me and Mom

Diva Sarah and Me

DIva Boo, Diva Sarah and Diva Marvi Marti

Mr. Wonderful and Me!!!

Christmas Eve was a complete blast around here.  I am so happy that Mr. Wonderful was a part of my holidays, it was a lot of fun and I love having him around.  One thing I noted, I am the only blond left in the Diva Den, all the other girls dye their hair brown in winter.  Hmm…maybe I should give it a try?

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

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One thing over and over that I see in scripture is God’s faithfulness to His children despite how we trip and fall  so often. And one of my very very favorite hymns is ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness’.

This version is much more contemporary and is on a CD by Fernando Ortega that my friend, Jane, recently gave me when I returned to church. It has ministered greatly to me through the past 3 or 4 weeks.

Meet Me On Monday

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MONDAY!!! Time for one of my favorite memes, Meet Me On Monday, a chance to learn a little about the people behind the blogs each week. To join in or read about others, click the button below.

Questions:

1.  What are your New Year’s Eve plans?
2.  How tall are you?
3.  What is your favorite pudding flavor?
4.  What room of the house do you blog the most in?
5.  What is your best physical feature?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

1.  What are your New Year’s Eve plans?

Uh  well at this point no plans at all.  I’ve had 3 invitations but not at all sure what I am doing. Only know who I’d  like to be with at midnight as we roll into a new year.

 

Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2.  How tall are you?

I am 5’6″ tall, just about average for a female  I’m told.

 

renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3.  What is  your favorite pudding flavor?

Butterscotch  would be my favorite  :)

4.  What room of the house do you blog in the most?

My bedroom.  My room is my haven, my sanctuary and that is where I blog most often, though once in a while I do write at lunch at the office if there is time.

5.  What is your best physical feature?

I am of the belief it is my eyes based on what others have told me over the years.

 

Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

My Very Special Christmas Story….

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This writing is from 11 years ago.   I wrote it  and posted it on my old Myspace blog at the time as we approached the holidays.  On this, the 31st birthday of the subject, I thought I’d pull it out and share it.

~*~  ~*~ ~*~

My story begins 20 years ago in the summer. I found out at 16yo that I was pregnant and had to make some big decisions at a very young age. Ultimately the decision was to go live in a maternity home, give birth, and place the baby for adoption. Little did I know just how much those events would change my life forever.

I lived in the maternity home for 4 months, September through December. My family came to visit each week, even aunts, uncles and my grandparents.

Life there wasn’t horrible. No one there could look down their nose at anyone else, we were all pregnant and unmarried. But that common bond brought forth friendships and we all supported each other regardless of our backgrounds.

There were some heart wrenching moments like missing the big Christmas Eve family gathering on my mother’s side of the family. I had thought I was due in November but as it turned out the baby wasn’t due till the week before Christmas. Here it was Christmas Eve and the baby was late. It was hard sitting in the home while my family was there. I was lonely and depressed and went to bed in tears that night.

Early Christmas morning I sat alone in the dinning room wondering how I was ever going to fit my whole family in one of the tiny visiting rooms along with all the gifts. The rooms were very small and drab, nothing cheery there. A woman named Barb worked at the home, I think she was in her early 20′s. She joined me for a donut and asked about my plans for the day. I shared with her that my parents and siblings were coming up with all the gifts that should have been under the tree at home and how I was worried about us fitting in one of those tiny rooms.

That day Barb performed a “random act of kindness” that I can never repay. She told me to follow her and we went to the main lobby of the facility. (This facility housed unmarried, pregnant women and special needs children that are severely physically and mentally retarded) There was a beautiful Christmas tree there, all lit up in the dark. She unplugged it and dragged it to a very large lounge that could have been anyone’s warm and cozy living room. Then she got a cart full of donuts, juice, coffee and milk and put them in the room. When my family came up we had a tree and a room that was more like being at home. For a short time we could forget where we were, the awful situation I was faced with, and just enjoy the holiday. I don’t know what became of Barb, but I pray the Lord blesses her many times over for the wonderful blessing she gave to us that day.

My family stayed most all day and into the evening. My boyfriend was there too, as he had been through the whole long ordeal, doing what he could do in the limited means of a 17yo to be supportive and not run out on me. I crawled into bed tired but feeling so much better that night, praying the baby would come soon.

During the night I had a hard time sleeping, my back was in spasms and I just felt strange. Early in the morning hours I realized that I was in labor and left my room to find Sister Cynthia to check to be sure it was indeed the real thing. Upon confirmation I called mom. Later that morning I was transported to the hospital where mom coached me through labor, and at 3pm on December 26th, 1979, I gave birth to a beautiful 8 pound, 4 ounce baby girl.

For two days I sat in the hospital and held this little girl. Her daddy and I named her Julie and sat in wonder at the little baby so perfectly formed, and in grief that we had such few hours to know her. We knew down deep that giving her up was the best thing we could do for her, but I tried over and over to think of a way that I could keep her and give her a happy life. In the end my heart knew that what was best for Julie was to be given to a family that could love her and provide for her every need.

Two days after she was born I stood in the hall waiting for one of the nuns from the home to come and get me. I stood at the nursery window looking down at Julie crying my heart out as I explained through the glass that I loved her dearly, too much to try to raise her alone. I explained I was only a child myself and could never be the kind of mom she needed. I told her how I wanted her to have a mom and dad, and siblings, a normal family with a chance to be something special in life. I think it was probably the hardest moment of my life when I tore my eyes off of her and walked away. Within days I signed the papers that would put her in the arms of a waiting family.

For 19.5 years I agonized through the holidays. See, Christmas is my very favorite time of year. I love the decorations, smells, snow and especially the knowledge that the Creator of all things came to earth as a baby to redeem those that are His from sin and give them eternal life in Christ. I love the songs and stories and hate when it’s time to put it all away for another year. But always in the background was the knowledge that somewhere out there was a girl growing up that I held in my heart but not in my arms. I wondered if she was okay, was she loved and cared for, did she have all she needed.

I’ve prayed continuously for her over the years, and for her adoptive family and their needs that I didn’t know about. Over time the pain decreased. Time really does heal, but it cannot erase the scar left behind by the deep wounds to the heart.

Always in my heart was a special place that was reserved just for her. On her birthday it was especially hard and I dreaded the day. I didn’t want to have her back, she wasn’t and never will be mine, but not knowing was so very hard. I never regretted the decision or lost sleep over it, but I never thought that the pain would go away. Even 19 years later, on 12/26 I wished her a happy birthday and wondered what she was like and if my prayers and desires for her were answered.

This story does have a happy ending!!! Over the summer with the foot work of my husband, Pete, we located her. She and her family moved away many years ago. Her family named her Emily, a name I dearly love. She’s beautiful, talented and has had everything in life that I could have wanted for her. I met her and had the chance to share pictures from our lives and talk for a full afternoon.  I’ll treasure that day for the rest of my life. See, that day the pain was taken away, the wound is closed and the scar…well, you’d be hard pressed to find it now.

I got to hear the story of a man and woman that wanted children very much but could not have their own.  They had adopted a little boy 8 years before, and had already been waiting for some time for a daughter. That little boy was the one to name his little sister that he too had waited so long for.   I was one of 6 birth mothers and the last to deliver.  They waited ever Thursday for years to find out if their prayers would be answered, their dreams would come true.  Finally they were told that a baby would be theirs soon.  I was originally thought to be due in November, but there was no baby there for them for Christmas.  They waited and waited.  The other 5 girls had all delivered boys, so they held out great hope that this would be a girl.  I now know that had I changed my mind, and kept my baby, I would have hurt so many others with hopes so high.

While we have gone back to our lives at her request, I am not sorry at all. Her picture hangs above my desk at the office and at home on the refrigerator along with photos of people that are special. It serves to remind me to pray for her each day and her family. What was kept a secret for so many years was finally shoved to the open about 10 years ago when I wrote a letter to the editor in the on going battle against abortion.  Now it is not only in the open…but my story has a terrific ending and proof that there is always someone that wants the unborn children.  Often it is someone who has waited a very long time for them.

This year on 12/26/99, Emily turns 20 years old. For the first time the holidays are upon me and I’m feeling freedom from the pain that is now gone. Free to be happy for her and family that they have each other. And while we are strangers to each other, there will always be a special place in my heart for her.

The Lines Blurred

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I managed to get from where I was in my walk, to the dark and sinful way of life that I recently crawled out of.  How is it  that I was not able to see it for what it was and not even go there?

I realize now that over time the lines had become blurred, and this was of my own  doing.  Little tiny things, dabbling in just little sinful  areas, is where things started.  Little by little over the long haul, the lines became less and less distinguishable and what once would have been very offensive to me was no longer all that bothersome.  Where once the lines divided what was God honoring from what was corruption, it was getting easier and easier to justify and be comfortable with my sin.

I  think of it like taking a gallon of white paint and dribbling in a bit of red.  On the surface of the white it is a harsh contrast, but if you stir the paint well, that little bit mixes in and isn’t even noticeable.  Adding a trace here and a trace there, slowly, it  is barely seen as the paint is changing from very bright white to a very very light shade of pink.  Without something white next to it,  one would not notice the change.  Over time a drop here and there of other colors or sins  would begin to change the appearance of the paint.  Sitting visible on the surface the color can be seen, but once mixed  in not so much.  However the more and more you add of other colors, the more the white paint fades and slowly changes color until it is black.

This  is how  the sins were that were slowly introduced into our life and marriage.  a drop here, a dribble there, and once we pulled away from other believers, we could not see the change in our white color to a light pink or gray.  The more we mixed in, the further away we were and the less  we felt the conviction of wrong.

No  one dragged me there  to that lifestyle, I allowed a tiny drop and then another and another  until I was too far from what was pure and white to notice any longer much less seem to care.  But I did care,  and at times something would trigger in me the desire to go back to my faith.  Eventually I would pay the price for the sins in my life, a price  I will feel forever.  I lost the home I loved, the husband I loved, and living with my daughter.  These  things cannot be undone and have been most painful to endure.  But it is my own fault, I allowed the drips of sin  to discolor my heart, mind and soul.

White paint in the form of God’s forgiveness, Word, church services, and right thinking, is being poured into the can of my mind and heart, and with each that is put in, the dark black paint is scooped out.  The more white that goes in, and the more blackened sin is removed, the brighter the color becomes.  My soul was forgiven when I repented, it is the rest of me, my thoughts and heart, that need the whitening process.

This holiday was a  celebration for me of the return of my soul to it’s place before the Lord.

Heart Warming Joy

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I  really wasn’t certain what to expect emotionally this holiday season, as the landscape of my life has changed so much.  I am SO thankful now for the changes and how this Christmas has been for me!

Our living room ready for Christmas

The  Divas LOVE Christmas time, as  do I.  It has always been a very special time of year for  me despite a few times that were painful.  For 22 years a little black rain cloud  hung over the holiday season as Ebeneezer Scrooge, the ex’s alter ego, fought  his inner demons to try to enjoy Christmas.  This year has been outstanding!  Everyone cheerful,  shopping and wrapping and  ENJOYING this season.

We put up 2 trees here, one in the family room, one in the living room.  Our house is decked out with old world Santas and Nut Crackers all over the place.  Even the upstairs bathroom is in theme,  with snow men shower curtain,  rug and accessories.  We get into  it  around here. :)

Last weekend Stan took me to the Festival Of Lights, a  holiday favorite I had missed for years.  It not only was fun but for me it was rather magical because  of the hand holding mine, the fact that he too very much enjoys this time of year.  Then we snuggled near the tree together.

Thursday evening my immediate  family celebrated Christmas and more change was there as us girls hosted our first family Christmas in this house…and my brother and his wife have split and he was there with his new love and her daughter.  It was a fun evening,  filled with some happy tears and lots of laughs.  It was a great reminder to me of what a wonderful family I have and how blessed I am to have them.

For Christmas Eve we Divas hosted the annual family party with my aunts, uncles and cousins from my mom’s side.  This time Stan was present to celebrate as well.  He has been such a wonderful  encouragement to me in my return to my faith.  He gave me a beautiful cross  necklace for Christmas, something I will cherish very much because it came from him.  It will be a constant reminder to me that someone very special loves me and prays for me.  I very much enjoyed having him here, someone that loves to hold my hand,  hug me and hold me.  One of my favorite memories this season will be sitting with him in front of the fire last night.

My baby girl slept here last night and my son arrived promptly at 6:20am to celebrate Christmas with us.  My second favorite gift this year is the Kindle they gave me.  I LOVE to read and love that I will be able to carry an entire library with me as I purchase books now  online for my E-Reader.  It was an enjoyable time this morning and was wonderful to spend it with my kids, mom, sister and nieces.

And of course the best part of this holiday was that my soul celebrates the return to my faith and church family, to being  in God’s Word, praying on a regular basis,  memorizing scripture, and worshiping each week with other believers.

Yes, it has been a very wonderful Christmas,  the best one in a very long time.  Never did  I imagine that I’d be truly thankful for being set free.  It has been a JOYFUL, blessed Christmas!

YES!!!!! Merry Christmas To ME!!!

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I’ve always been big on literal translations for the bible, and the research I had done way back when (27yrs ago) said that the New American Standard was about the most literal in translations.

When it comes to scripture memory, I prefer the New King James version, similar to the King James, I love the wording.

Well recently I decided to splurge on ME, something I had not done for a very long time.  So while out surfing the web across the Family Christian Store website, I came across a very feminine covered women’s study bible in the NKJV and decided it was time for a new bible.  They use this version at church too so that helps, and it is pretty close to literal as well.  I only ordered it on Monday so I really did not expect to see it so soon, but there it was on the porch from the UPS man when I arrived home from work today.  I am SO excited!!!!  It seems to be a great study bible, with a lot of study tools specifically for women.  My sister was quite pleased that I took time to Google for a coupon code and saved $17 on the purchase as well, ever the thrift queen that she is!

I’m looking forward to more time in the Word again tonight as I continue with “Psalm 51; The Way Back To God”, which already with one chapter has me craving more and more of God’s Word and learning about the forgiveness and restoration I can claim as mine in Christ.

One more way to  motivate myself to memorize Psalm 103 and 51.

Day 10 – A Photo Taken Over 10 Years Ago Of Me

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All About Me In 30 Days – Day 10

WOW this one got me feeling old real fast!  This photo was taken at my friend, Lori Laux’s wedding. I was one of the wedding party.  It isn’t the full shot, that is on my home computer and I’m at lunch at the moment at work but you get the idea.  I had the whole big hair thing going on and thinking this was about 18/19 years ago.  I’m guessing because my daughter was a toddler at the time.

Psalm 51 And My Journey

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After coming away from a very dark and sinful way of life, I’ve been working my way back up on to the path to God.  My friends, Jane and Dan, have embraced and wrapped around me in prayer and support.  I dearly love them and missed them so much while away from the church family.

This past Sunday, Dan gave me the book “The Way Back To God” using Psalm 51 as its basis and the story of King David.  A man after God’s heart, called that by God Himself, David slipped in his walk and fell hard into dark sin that included adultery and murder.  Yet due to his sincere repentance God forgave his horrid transgressions.  David still paid the consequences of his sins, God took his new son from him among other severe outcomes to his failure to walk without sin.  But God was merciful and restored David to Himself.

It is because of David that I know that my own walk and faith are able to be restored.  David is a wonderful example of a true, believing heart, falling into the depths of sin and yet returning to be restored in his faith and salvation.  I know that I too am forgiven.  I’ve paid a horrible price in the end of my 22 year marriage.  The sinful way in which we were living no doubt resulted in the ultimate disintegration of what was once a solid, loving relationship.  I also lost living in my home, living with my beautiful daughter and sharing in her day to day life, and all the blessings that went with residing in our marital residence.  But God’s hand never left me completely, and while I gave up so much, He is blessing me with goodness and mercy that I do not deserve.  How could I not repent, bend my knees in submission to the Most High and desire to serve and love Him as He has so loved me?

My next memory passage when I am finished memorizing Psalm 103 will be Psalm 51.  What a beautiful reminder of God’s love, grace and mercy toward His children!

Psalm 51

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

 1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
         According to Your lovingkindness;
         According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
         Blot out my transgressions.
 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
         And cleanse me from my sin.
         
 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
         And my sin is always before me.
 4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
         And done this evil in Your sight—
         That You may be found just when You speak,[a]
         And blameless when You judge.
         
 5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
         And in sin my mother conceived me.
 6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
         And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
         
 7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
         Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
 8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
         That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
 9 Hide Your face from my sins,
         And blot out all my iniquities.
         
 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
         And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
 11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
         And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
         
 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
         And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
 13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
         And sinners shall be converted to You.
         
 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
         The God of my salvation,
         And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
 15 O Lord, open my lips,
         And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
 16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
         You do not delight in burnt offering.
 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
         A broken and a contrite heart—
         These, O God, You will not despise.
         
 18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
         Build the walls of Jerusalem.
 19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
         With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
         Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

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randomtuesday

A hot cup of Highlander Grogg coffee, already in my jammies at 7:23pm, a roaring fire in the fire place, and crochet hooks flying, stitching the yarn into our latest creations.  That is my evening agenda, as I have no less than 3 blankets I am working on.  Over commitment issues? Perhaps.  But it is therapy for me.  I also have to set aside some time for some devotions today too, as I have not spent any time in the Word like I need too.  Hmm..I COULD work on memorizing Psalm 103 while I crochet, that would work! Multi-tasking in new areas, I like it.

I love that we are likely going to have a white Christmas, but I so hope that the snow stays away until very late Christmas Eve, so that all of our family can be here to celebrate with us! That and my baby girl can get here safely that night after she celebrates with her boyfriend’s family.  Once everyone is safely home I won’t mind if it snows.

Tomorrow is my last day to work this week, then 4 straight days off! I cannot wait. I so need to sleep in, I am just exhausted lately.  And Thursday morning I need to finish shopping. Too much to do yet and not nearly enough time to pull it off!

There are just not enough hours in a day, I could use 48 and still not accomplish all I need too get done.

Oh well, off to relax for a while in front of the fire with my coffee, yarn and hook.

Day 9 – A Photo I Took

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All About Me  In 30 Days – Day 9

OH this one is so easy for me, it is the one photo I have taken that I most love, because it doesn’t look like someone without a clue about photography took it.  I didn’t plan it, just turned around in my chair while at breakfast one  morning in Jamaica and snapped it.

We were in Jamaica, Oracabessa to be exact, at a very beautiful estate called Golden Clouds for a wedding.  We were there for 7 glorious days in what is the closest thing to Paradise I have ever found.  I was eating breakfast one morning on the terrace and just took the picture. No plan, no attempts to get anything in particular in the shot, and this is what I ended up with!  I submitted it a few years back to Kate Dot Net for use as a wallpaper and she used it for the August calendar wallpaper that year.  I’ve used it as my computer background in summer for years when I’m longing for the ocean.

Meet Me On Monday

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Welcome to the 27th edition of “Meet Me On Monday!”

Blogging  is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read  and yet most of the time we find ourselves sitting and wondering, “who is  this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want  to know who the person is behind all those words so Java thought of a great  way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Sunday Java will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we  can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

“Its a great way to to meet new friends and for others to get to know me better….one Monday at a time!!!”….as quoted by the Chacogirl!! I will make this SIMPLE and FUN!!!

Java  will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them  better!!  Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!

Questions:

1.  What will your Christmas dinner consist of?
2.  Do you watch commercials or flip through the channels?
3.  How long will you leave your Christmas decorations up?

4.  What movie makes you cry every time you watch it?
5.  Do you have a Facebook?

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1) What will your Christmas dinner consist of?

Well that depends which Christmas dinner.  Thursday evening my brothers and their families will be here at the Diva Den, along with my kids, to celebrate with the immediate family.  That evening we are having chili for dinner.  My black bean chili to be exact and then sides and desserts furnished by the sibs and their significant others.  Oh and my daughter who is questioning our sanity in not having ham for dinner.  She’ll get over it.

Then dinner again on Christmas Eve when my mom’s siblings and their families come for the annual Christmas Eve celebration.  Mom’s family had Santa come on Christmas Eve, so when my parents married they went to that each year. I’ve been there almost every year for 47 years myself, and except when  circumstances prevented it, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.  That night we will have ham and fried chicken, and everyone will bring food to share to go along with the main dishes.

On Christmas day we will graze on whatever is left through out the day.

2) Do you watch commercials or flip through the channels?

I tend to watch them on those rare occasions that I am sitting in front of the TV at all.  How else would I get to see such insanity as sex used to sell carrots?

3. How long will you leave your Christmas decorations up?

As long as we can!  We in the Diva Den LOVE Christmas so we’ll try to get by with them being up until at least New Year’s day.  Most likely, since we all return to work on 1/3/11, we will put them away on Sunday, 1/2.

4. What movie makes you cry every time you watch it?

Frankly more than one will do that to me.  Always, Steel Magnolias, Mr. Holland’s Opus….just to name a few.

 

 

 

 

 

5. Do you have a Facebook?

Yes I do! I only allow people I know on my personal page, but I do have a ‘fan page’ for my blog that I would welcome followers to ‘Like’!  If you care too, click the badge for it on the side bar to the right and ‘like’ me.