I was just sitting here enjoying my coffee before work and thinking back over my very wonderful, fun weekend. Time seemed to just stand still, it was great! I have to say that I am adjusting well to this single thing, being spontaneous at times and not having to answer to anyone about what I do or when I do it.
I have really enjoyed rediscovering ME buried under all those years of being someone’s wife. Yes, I very much loved being married, but marriage means you give up part of yourself, you willingly change things about yourself, put away part of yourself for your spouse. When you merge and become a team, sharing a life, there are things you do in order to make that work. It is surprising to me how much of me seems to have been lost when my family says they are seeing more and more of the old, happy, kinda quirky, fun, spontaneous me emerging. From here out what folks see is what they get. No more changing/adapting to what someone else needs me to be, I am me and you take me or leave me as I am. If you don’t care for some part of my personality, habits etc., then if you cannot live with that you need to move on down the road, I am not giving up a single part of who I am because someone else cannot tolerate it, tough shit.
Friday evening I connected with a friend I had not seen in a very long time up at the club, someone I dearly love and love spending time with. It was his birthday so we met up to celebrate, and what a time we had! A couple of tubes of chocolate and vanilla cake icing, a few Bug Light Limes and some imagination made for a great evening neither of us will soon forget! I think I am still on a sugar rush from that one. XOXO special friend! Thanks for including me in your special day, I totally enjoyed it!
Saturday morning meant working, but that was okay as I was able to accomplish a lot! I was supposed to be at the club that night for a white party (everyone wearing white and all the lights are changed out for black lights), and I was meeting up with a gentleman that while he is a bit older than me, he is handsome, fun and fast becoming a very special addition to my circle of friends. I love spending time together and had been looking forward to Saturday evening, but had to change my plans. My dad turned 70 last Thursday and the Diva Den was hosting dinner to celebrate. It quickly was taking on a life of its own as my kids were coming over and I knew that this would not end early. I didn’t feel right running out on the party so I had to cancel with my silver haired fox, but we will reschedule our date soon! (Thanks for being so understanding, you are such a sweet heart!)
While on the way to the office Saturday I had seen a guy on a motorcycle that reminded me of an old friend I had not seen or heard from in a very long time. I started paging through my phone and I still had his phone number, but could not locate his email address. I was a bit hesitant to call, as he being such a gem of a guy I figured he was deep into a committed relationship by now. But nothing ventured nothing gained, right? I left him a voicemail, very excited that he still had the same phone number, and in a short time received a return call. Ya me, he isn’t involved and was happy to hear I am not seeing anyone on an exclusive basis either. We exchanged a few emails that day and Sunday morning, and then in the afternoon after I got home from lunch he called to see if I was up for meeting for a ride. Both of us are running super busy schedules so finding time to reconnect looked like it was going to take a few days to weeks. Thankfully I was free so I dug out the riding boots, some jeans and went to meet him. We took a nice, relaxing ride and I thoroughly enjoyed being the fender fluff, as I had not been on the back of anyone’s bike all season. I had forgotten just how awesome the wind in my hair feels, and being wrapped around some hot muscle as we ate up the miles in the sunshine. I am very much looking forward to another ride soon!
My son and his girlfriend were back for dinner last night, and I enjoyed seeing what boredom in the middle of the night will get this oldest child of mine to do…he shaved his head. Funny thing is he actually looks really good with a bald head! He just needs to catch his tan up on top to the rest of him and I can see that being his look for a while. It was good seeing him and Melissa, and her spunky little girl (she IS a great kid!), I really miss my kids now that they are all grown up!
Ended the day sipping a cold one on the deck, snacking on popcorn with my mom and sister. I really am so totally blessed these days. I have a great social life, have some super male friends to enjoy, and my family there every night, and my independence. I am free to just be me, relishing every moment I have and making the most of it all. Sure there are times I miss rolling over in the night to the familiar shape and smell of someone sleeping next to me, and the security and safe feeling I always felt curled up with him, the joy of hearing the garage door go up and knowing he was home safe and sound…but that has also all faded so much, and he has slipped into the far back part of my mind, becoming a nice memory. Sure I will always have a special spot in my heart for Pete, but I am shocked at how much I do NOT miss him now that I have a life of my own, setting my own course and discovering life as just Marti.
I’ve turned a major corner, on a road that is free from the pain, free from restraints, where I am free to be ME. I am loving life!