30 Days Of Truth
Day 01 – Something I Hate About Myself
I really can say there isn’t anything I hate about myself, as that is such a strong word. I don’t even have any people I hate in my life, though a few I strongly dislike and if they fell of the face of the earth tomorrow I’d not miss them one bit and frankly feel the world would be better without them. But that isn’t the topic.
There are a few things that I strongly dislike about myself, one being that I am entirely too forgiving. No matter how crappy some people are to me, including going as far as to tell out and out vicious lies, I will forgive in time and even welcome them back into my life again. It is stupid, I know, as I end up back on the receiving end of their attacks, hate, jealousy whatever it may be, over and over again. Or someone can break my trust and I will eventually forgive them and trust them again, only to find the knife square in my heart or back all too soon. I think forgiveness itself is good, it heals us and sets us free from bitterness, but we should never ever forget the wrongs done and never trusting again would be wise.
I really do not like the fact that there are SO many times I wish I had listened to my ex-husband about things and people. He was a very good judge of character and often warned me time and time again about those very people that keep ending up enemies, but I rarely would heed his counsel. I always welcomed them back despite his warnings and over and over again he was able to say “I told you so” when they again went on the attack. Even about myself, he felt I had an excessive temper, and I should have listened even though he was the only person that saw it or ever said anything about it. Thankfully it was as simple as balancing the serotonin by inhibiting its reuptake, but it cost me the man I most dearly loved in this world. I dislike that for whatever reason my brain is an over achiever on the release of serotonin. However, now that I know it, and treat it, my life really is much better. Again, he is able to say I told you so.
I also dislike that I am a major procrastinator about things I don’t want to do. I will often put things off then in the 11th hour, under major pressure, finally attend to the task. In college a few years back I noted that my best work was often achieved under that pressure, but the stress of it all would drive me nuts. I really work hard now to do the things I least like first, getting them done and behind me so I can more enjoy those tasks that I look forward to doing.
Ah, that wasn’t so painful after all!