Archive | July 2010

T.G.I.F.!!!! Sort of

Jul30

Yes, I am very thankful it is F-R-I-D-A-Y!!!!  This has been a long week that started off completely crappy and while it vastly improved the past few days it still isn’t perfect.  Perfect would be going home at noon today and relaxing on the deck with a cold beer and a good book on this beautiful day, sleeping  in tomorrow and then holding down a chair all day while lost in that same book.  It is not to be.  WAIT!!! Who am I kidding? PERFECT would be winning the lottery and not working ever again unless I wanted too!  Today is a GOOD day, but not a GREAT day.  Let me explain.

I am off of work early today, at noon.  I have to go home and scoop up Pixel kitten, put her in the cardboard pet carrier that she hates, and take her back to the vet.  She was so good the first 5 days after coming home, just relaxed, slept a lot and seemed to know she needed to heal.  Wednesday she must have been feeling great because it was her first day to really snap out of it and play.  Her and Noel had the rips, racing around the house, wrestling and being crazy cats.  I figured she was okay or she’d not be suddenly so wild.  Short of gluing her paws to the floor I don’t think I could do more than I did to keep her from injuring herself since surgery.  Well now she has a hernia  at the incision site.  Lovely.  I will be the meanie and load her up, listen to her laying on the guilt for the 8 miles, crying her lungs out in the box, then hope whatever she has done isn’t going to require opening her back up because I cannot afford another surgery for this creature.

I started working part time for an insurance agent as his office manager a few weeks back.  Tomorrow we will hopefully be moving to our new office.  I don’t mind that at all, I get paid to go in and pack up the office and relocate it!  We’ll also be doing some major purging and organizing, filing etc., it will be a busy day.  However before I go there, I have to come in for my other job.  Sales are down and we need to generate some business.  Part of my job as production manager is to contact anyone we have quoted and get them to sign on.  I am heading home early today because I am coming into the office to work tomorrow to do call backs and follow ups in the hope that I can generate some sales.  I will be able to sleep in a bit but mostly I will be up earlier than I like on a Saturday and working.  On a positive note, the boss and I did manage to knock out several sales yesterday so hopefully that is the flood gate of good selling karma bursting open!

This is my last weekend as a legally married person.  Monday morning I will be at the courthouse finalizing the termination of my 23 year marriage.  I still say Friday the 13th, our anniversary, would be the better day.  Instead I’ll have to get my girlfriends together on the 13th for a ‘pig roast’.  Food, beer and ceremonial burning of a stuffed animal pig in the fire pit.  I think it is appropriate and the rest of the Divas are all over the idea, to celebrate my official, legal, single status.  I’ve been really shocked at how I feel about it now.  I am no longer upset, no longer feeling a burning hatred toward he who shall not be named, and no longer even sad.  Last time I saw him and spent a bit of time with him I was surprised at the lack of feeling I had.  Don’t misunderstand, I care about Lord Voldemort in that I know he is having issues with his back after an on the job injury, I know he is struggling with things in his world, and I feel bad for him.  I still ‘love’ him, but no longer see him and view him as my husband, just maybe a friend.  I don’t know what caused the healing that seems to have taken place but I like it.  A few friends are worried that I will be upset Monday morning but I don’t think so, I really am feeling relieved that it is going to finally be over.  This has been the longest 6 months of my life in many ways.  I’ve been all over the emotional map and back again.  To finally feel some peace is wonderful.

I wonder if some of this healing has been having to face some ‘firsts’ on my own rather than rely on a husband to manage any ‘crisis’ that has arisen.  I had to work with my budget to find a way to pay for my kitten’s surgery, a first for me as he has managed the household finances for 23 years.  When the car had issues I had to call the mechanic myself, set up the repair appointment and handle the financial side of that as well.  I have made many other small steps and decisions on my own over the past few months, all of which seem to have added up to my realizing I don’t need a man in my life, and I sure do not want it to be him any longer if I do have cause for male assistance or companionship.  I am feeling FREE, and come Monday, at 9am it will all be done and I will be officially solo.  It remains to be seen if he will keep the promises he made about things we did not opt to put on paper and make legally binding.

As predicted, Long Beach is….gone.  Just like that he up and vanished.  A few too many things were not adding up for me, and I went back and reviewed early emails and IMs, finding numerous holes and pieces of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit.   The photos he had sent of his house were of a gorgeous home with an in ground pool, but they appeared to be pictures taken for a real estate listing.  So, I suggested a cell phone pic of the pool in the early morning light, something to dream about.  That was the last I heard from him, Tuesday morning.  Check mate!

Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve been playing games with cyber casanovas for years now, I know their moves, their lines of crap etc., and while this one was far more convincing than the others, that red flag of skepticism was waving in a strong breeze keeping me from falling for his beautiful words of adoration.  No matter how convincing they are, they seem to forget that once one is jaded and believes all men are pigs, there is no changing that line of thinking.  I’m blond but not dumb.  I will investigate their claims, I will turn over any and all stones looking for a demon under every rock.  I do not trust men, period!  The only man I had come to completely trust and believe in not only was the one to tell me all men are pigs, he went as far as to prove it to me 6 months ago and sealed the fate of all who come behind him.  Pity too about Long Beach, his accent was sexy, as were his eyes, and he was a total gentleman keeping the topic of sex out of it for a full week, I was impressed.  I think I’ll take a break from the freak parade over the weekend and rest up before the next candidate emerges to play the game for my attention.

I think tomorrow night calls for some serious gal pal time.  One family member is in serious need of her BFFs and some strong drinks as she is now riding the divorce train too.  The Princess Palace will roll out the red carpet and help her drown her sorrows a bit.  She needs her tiara shined up and we are the bunch to help.  Junk food, chocolate, wine and late night girl talk won’t fix anything but it does help with the hurts.

What a week!  THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!!!!!





Happy Birthday, Mike!

Jul28

26 years ago this morning I gave birth to my son, Michael.  He was unexpected and proof that the rhythm method of birth control is very effective if you want to become a parent, it sure as hell doesn’t work for avoiding pregnancy.  Don’t get me wrong, I did want children just thought it would be a little longer before I started down that road.  He was two weeks late being born and took 14 hours of labor to finally decide he was ready to make an entrance.  Not much has changed, he usually isn’t running just exactly on time, except perhaps for work.

Mother’s Day that year, while I was out to there pregnant, his biological father lost a friend in a motorcycle accident.  At that point I did not know if I was having a boy or a girl, but promised that if the baby was a boy he would be named after Joe’s friend, Michael Patrick Clancy.   I was warned not to name any child Michael, I have a brother Mike and know plenty of them to know that they are a different breed.  Obviously I failed to heed the warning.

Mikey and I ended up on our own by the time he was 10 months old, marriage to his dad was less than a stellar experience.  I never spoke unkindly about the other half of his biological gene pool when he was growing up and I won’t do it now, so we’ll just leave it like that.

I went through some serious depression as a single mom starting out.  This kid was a night owl from day one, sleeping wonderfully during the day and being up all night.  This made for one very sleep deprived mommy and that, added to my depression of being divorced at 22 years old, often meant I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.  It was his adorable little smile and personality that rooted me mentally to this world and not some dark place.  On weekend mornings when he wasn’t with his dad, I’d wake up to him nose-to-nose with me, grinning from ear to ear.  Sometimes I could get him to go to sleep, but most mornings he would pester me until I got up and fed him.  One morning he didn’t wake me up, or at least I didn’t respond.  I found the refrigerator door standing open, the flatware draw open and him sitting on top of the coffee table watching TV, eating cottage cheese by the fist full.  He hadn’t been able to reach a spoon so he improvised.  It was all over the top of the coffee table.  He looked up and grinned and said “see mom, I eat!” oh so proud of himself.

Another time I vividly recall, he was going to help me do the laundry.  We lived in an apartment with the laundry room right next to us, SO convenient.  I had placed the basket on the floor by the coffee table and walked in my room to get the quarters.  There was a fan in front of the sliding door screen blowing into the living room.  I couldn’t have been in there 2 minutes but when I returned the living room looked like a scene from the movie, Dr. Zhivago.  He had been pouring the box of detergent on the coffee table and the breeze from the fan of course  blew it around.  He did all he could to help it, tossing it in the air and adding more as he went.  When I walked in I yelled at him, and he started to cry.  I was crying, knowing this would take hours to vacuum up.  He rubbed his eyes with his soap covered hands, burning his eyes and making him scream.  While I was in the bathroom washing his eyes clean the detergent was continuing to snow all over my living room.

He was a ladies man from day one, a total and complete flirt and always a gentleman.  After I met Pete and married, we moved to an apartment complex that had a pool.  Mikey had this adorable, 5 year old boy crush on this cute little girl that would come to the pool.  He’d spread out her towel for her and share his snacks, he was smitten.

During his kindergarten and first grade years he had the best of both worlds.  His dad had married Brenda, and though at first it was rough, she and I worked out a decent relationship.  She picked Mike up from school during the week and I picked him up from her.  He had both a stay at home mom and a full time working mom and thrived under that arrangement. His dad had a daughter from his first marriage, Maggie, and Mike was tight with her when she was in town (she lived in Kansas) and thankfully they have reconnected over the years and he is now an uncle to identical twin boys.

Michael was a typical older brother when I had his sister, Liesl.  He loved helping with her, and taught her everything he knew (not so good).  Later, he would terrorize her and pick on her like brothers do.  Now, he is super protective of her and would often question her attire as she went out.  Heaven help anyone that ever hurts that girl, he will destroy them.

From the time he could walk that boy wanted to be a cop more than anything.  He had a supply of plastic handcuffs and guns, and when he played with friends he had to be the good guy and hunt them down.  He has probably seen every single decent police centered movie available.  His favorite cop in the world is Barney Fife.  He has seen every single episode of Andy Griffith ever made, no doubt about it.  He can quote lines from the show and probably could win any trivia contest about the Don Knotts character of Barney.  I have my son in my phone as Barney Fife.

At 12 years old he learned the play the Highland Bagpipes and joined the Sheriff’s Department pipe band.  He now plays for the Cincinnati Emerald Society when he has time.   At 18 years old he joined the Sheriff’s department as a corrections officer and now is a patrol officer.  While I am fiercely proud of him when I see him in uniform, it also makes me nervous for his safety.  I pray…a LOT.  But what mom wouldn’t be delighted that their offspring followed a dream and grabbed the gold ring?

Life has dealt my son some pretty shitty cards at times, but he always manages to eventually land on his feet.  He makes me so proud, and I cannot be more happy with the man he has become.  I love you, “Barney”, happy birthday!!

Me and 'Barney'

Meet Me On Monday – 7th Edition

Jul26

Welcome to the 7th edition of “Meet Me On Monday!”

Blogging is a funny thing…we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, “who is this person!?”  I know them…but yet I don’t know them!  I want to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great way for all of us to “meet” each other!

Every Monday our host, Java, will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!! Just go to her site (click the icon above or her name) to get the questions and to link up  to those that participate in this blog meme.

1. What one food could you eat every single day?

I think we have established that Chipotle is a favorite  so we’ll deal  with my snack crack addiction, POPCORN!!!!  I could, and often DO eat  popcorn daily.


2. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Primarily it is contacts.  I generally wear them entirely too  long during the day, and then when I do  take them out I wear my glasses as I cannot see 2 feet from my face and beyond.  Trouble is with age has come the problem if  I correct my distance  with the contacts or glasses,  I  need help reading.  So during the day I wear contacts and pull on readers as needed.  Kinda sucks.

3. What kind of cell phone do you have?

I am a confessed crackberry addict!!! My cell phone is a BlackBerry and I love it,  it is  like having a micro mini of my laptop with me wherever I go! Mine is a BlackBerry Tour, though  the photo is  a Curve.

4. What did you have for dinner last night?

STEAK! Dad buys and we  grill them and have him for dinner a few times a month.  It was YUMMY!!

5. What is your favorite candy?

Oh wow that is so hard to nail down to just one.  My favorite can vary with my mood, PMS, etc. I LOVE dark chocolate, Mounds Bars, Brach’s candy corn (especially mixed with dry roasted peanuts), M&M’s are awesome, and Payday candy bars…like I said, too hard to nail down, but suffice to say I have a sweet tooth and I LOVE candy!

Rasmus Thomsen / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

:)

Drawbridge Up, Add The Piranhas

Jul25

I slept like a downed tree last night, did not move at all once my eyes closed and the sandman found me.  I woke to Pixel kitten curled up against my head, and when I moved she protested loudly and just repositioned herself,  this  time with her ass against my face.  I moved her again, much to her  disliking, then she  started  the ear  licking assault. Guess she figured if we were going to start stirring she  might as well get me to feed her.  She is now curled up in a corner of the living room observing Noel playing, but not participating.   Perhaps she is feeling it from too much activity yesterday  or her instincts are telling her to just relax.  If  she doesn’t behave she goes into solitary confinement in my room so it is wise she is choosing to be a good  little kitty.

I sometimes wish that we had the ability to snap photos with our  brains  like we do our cell phone cameras.  I know the mind records it, but to be able to share  the  images  would be priceless.  One such picture  was the look on my niece, Diva Jeanne’s face  when she saw my choice for breakfast.  I guess I am PMSing, that or the full moon today is  totally screwing  with me.  The combo  of  the two could be the issue as well.  I had my coffee  in the microwave because it had become luke warm on my desk while I was creeping on Facebook friends.  I  spotted the bananas on the counter and I instantly knew what I wanted to eat.  I pulled out a small,  glass salsa bowl, opened the fridge and grabbed the Hershey’s chocolate syrup, coating the bottom.  Then I tore into a banana and started dunking it,  OMG that was outstanding, YUMMMMM!  Diva Jeanne had the funniest look of confusion and disgust on her face.  Guessing she never saw chocolate  covered  bananas at King’s  Island or  festivals.  The only thing that would have made it better was  dipping it in crushed peanuts after the run through the chocolate. I wanted to top it off with Highlander Grogg coffee but we ran out so it is just  plain or caramel truffle.

So it is thinking time this  morning.  I tend to do that on Sunday mornings, as church at the moment is not on the agenda.  My youngest brother, the Denis Leary look-a-like, periodically puts out a teaser for me to join him for mass.  Not my cup of tea though I will give him that one of the most peaceful places to go and think just might be an empty church early before mass in the morning.  Candles  lit and the sun just peaking over the horizon bringing all  the stained  glass windows to colorful  life.  In the older churches the air is cool  from the marble and other stone, and is still very dimly lit and oh so quiet.  That is a great thinking place.  But for now,  sitting here at my desk, coffee  close at hand, ‘Celtic Shore’  CD playing in the background, mind cleared of the  cobwebs  of  sleep and dreams I cannot recall or piece together  from the fragments of images still lurking in the shadows.

Morning Thoughts:

Sometime this past week I stopped caring about the ending marriage.  I don’t know what happened, or when I rounded that bend,  but I realized this morning when I saw the countdown on the desktop of my PC that it is 8 days until the  divorce hearing to finalize the end of my marriage.  It used to be painful, now my thought today was “hell still over a week??”  Guessing that is a good sign but still shocked  me.  Lord Voldemort was here Friday to look at my car because the brake lights are not functioning.  When he was leaving he said something and we had a playful exchange of words that left us both laughing.  It started to strike me then that I  just don’t care anymore.  It was far different from the daggers I usually glared at him, or sarcastic remarks, I just really didn’t care.  THANK YOU 8 POUND 6 OUNCE BABY JESUS!!! (That one is for you, Debbie!)  I almost told him to just skip the addendum on the paperwork for the season tickets to the Bengals  games.  I had noted about a week back that those were not in the decree paperwork and wanted an addendum added that I get the tickets, of  course I’d be paying for them, every other season and also have half of any sale of the seat license.   I decided screw it,  I will buy my own tickets or find someone that has them for sale when I want to go.  Meanwhile I will just go down and tailgate with Ron and Tom and their gang and then stay back and watch the game on the TV in the RV.  Assuming they sell out the games that is.  So, guess I need to contact he who shall not be named and let him know tickets just are not an issue.

I canceled my Match.com membership, just not willing to play the damn blind dating game.  My heart is NOT going to be a part of the equation so why get into that?  Those guys are seeking partners and commitments  I am seeking friends with benefits on my terms,  so it was a waste of money.  My cash flow is tight enough at the moment thanks to Pixel’s surgery and a day off  without pay (still a tad bitter over that).  The whole point of my getting a second, part-time job,  was to add to the cash flow to pay off my student loans not to replace what is lost when the full time employer decides to save money by cutting my hours.

“Life is always going to be stranger than fiction, because fiction has to be convincing and life doesn’t.” ~Neil Gaiman

Enter stage left,  Long Beach.  I mentioned him yesterday, the one trying to change my mind about all men are pigs.  Seems at some point he stumbled on my former blog page, and  used to periodically follow them.  Now he is one of my daily readers, ever since finding out I was  divorcing.  He has determined that I will be his wife.  I mentioned this to the Divas, there was a collective “aw hell  no”.   They know me like no one else,  they have seen this stubborn streak.  It runs  wide and deep in me.  How much so?  Well  picture a face off between me and a tornado, my dumb ass standing in the front yard being pelted with debris, fist raised at the approaching funnel screaming “f*ck you this is MINE and you cannot have it!”  Yes,  my sorry self  facing it down to death.  I’m that flipping stubborn.

There have been a lot of red flags in this for me so far, like distance.  He lives in Long Beach, California, I live here in Cincinnati,  Ohio.  I hate hate (emphasizing here) HATE to fly.  Requires a good size drink, extra strong, and a Xanex to even get me to consider boarding the plane.  Then I  find out his birthday is 1/27/67.  BACK UP THE TRUCK FRED!!!! He who shall not be named, 1/27/65.  BIG FLASHING RED LIGHTS AND FLAG WAVING.  Aquarius is the single worst sign when it comes to compatibility with Taurus.  Trust me after 22 years married to one I can tell you it is just flat out bad karma.  Never dull,  with plenty of rough seas, can you say I DON’T THINK SO!  Seriously? Same sign, same damn birthday, lands points on  my side of the board. He is Irish Catholic and plays the bagpipes, apparently rather well and travels to Ireland now and then.  Points scored with the younger brothers in the religion and musical taste columns,  no doubt. However, I keep finding lies and holes in his story. I DON’T THINK SO PAL THIS GIRL JUST AIN’T THAT STUPID! Liars I do NOT need.  CREEPER comes to mind.

Marti is  ::Thinking:: maybe it’s easier to keep the wall up…and dig a moat…and add piranhas…

Yeah, thinking keep  the drawbridge UP on the castle, Princess, and OVER stock the moat.  Heart still locked up and securely behind the castle walls, full guard posted on the parapets, battle ready.


Weekend Round Up & Hot Monkey Sex

Jul24

At last, it is  SATURDAY!!! I love the weekends even though  today I did not get to sleep in as late as I needed. But that was my own fault for being on the phone until 2:15 this morning.  I probably could have slept until 3:00 this afternoon but I had to go get Pixel Kitten from the vet.  $250 later she is  home resting (yeah right) and recovering.  She is fortunate to be so loved, that is one damned expensive little fur ball for having been free.  Ah  well she is so worth it and just means I will NOT be eating at Chipotle for a few weeks.

This past week I posted for Meet Me On Monday, a 5 question blog meme I participate in a great bunch of other bloggers, geared toward getting to know the person behind the page.  Tuesday was Post It Notes, another fun meme, Wine & Cheese Wednesday – my personal weekly venting and then for my 100th I just did a summary/review of some past things  I’ve shared.  Friday I got a bit controversial and gave my take on gay marriage.  See,  I’m not all fluff, in fact there is nothing fluffy about me I just was getting through some emotional times in many of my posts.  Still think all men are pigs,  (sorry Long Beach but just where I am).  Long Beach is making it his  personal mission to change my thinking, but that,  to borrow my friend, Fracture Freek’s line, is another story.

In a sideline highlight of my week, yesterday I was given the “Plastic Joy” award from Midwestern Mama, one of my favorite bloggers.

With this award, I must divulge five people that I would most like to do the horizontal bop, the mattress mambo with. You know… raw hot monkey sex. Then I must pass this award onto someone else.
Here are my top five:
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
    1. Kiefer Sutherland – most  recently the star of  ‘24‘,  especially in character of Jack Bauer,  I just get all  hot and bothered thinking about doing the wild thing with him!

    1. Shemar Moore – First discovered him as Malcolm on The  Young And The Restless years ago.  I admit, the only reason I ever started watching Criminal Minds was to watch him.  He can do a thorough investigation of  this girl anytime!

    1. Johnny Depp – as Captain Jack Sparrow of course.  I saw Pirates of The  Caribbean 9 times in the theater just to drool over him. I’d love to take  a ride on his ship.

    1. Denis Leary – in character as Tommy Gavin on Rescue Me.  OMG the fantasies I used to have of a fire truck hose bed with him! He can put out this fire  anytime.  My youngest brother,  a fire fighter, grew his  flat top out and now is a dead ringer for Denis, which kinda dampens my enthusiasm for this one,  seriously kinda ewwww….

    1. Brett B. - 26yo local fire fighter and mega eye candy.  Sorry Brett, but if your going to mow the lawn shirtless even us old  ladies are going to want you to come by and let us cool your hot ass down. Too bad I have sworn off fire fighters and cops, but I can still enjoy the fantasy.

Now I must pass this along to two people… so here goes. I pass this on to:

Diva, of The Bipolar Diva, one of my favorite blogs to read, and to Java, of Never Growing Old another blog I subscribe too. Thanks for great, entertaining posts ladies, please pass along the Plastic Joy award to deserving ladies you know!

Happily Ever After – For ALL

Jul23

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Anyone raised in this country  knows these words if they have had a  U.S. history course.  It is part of the Declaration of Independence and that line is one that most recognize.  But our founding fathers were not saying it  was just for those here,  but for ALL men everywhere.  Certainly it is important that we recognize that while pursuing happiness we cannot infringe on another persons, my rights end where their rights begin.  Exactly what happiness is can be defined a million different ways, it varies from person to person.  Today I am focusing on the pursuit of happiness as far as  one’s spouse is  concerned.

Marriage and who we chose to be married too is a very personal decision.  I respect that there are still  cultures  in which marriages are arranged, sometimes before  the births of the individuals to be wed, and while that is not to my liking it is not mine to impose  upon them what I feel is the proper  course  for finding one’s mate.  Cultures can change over time, and it is my hope that anyone being bound to another for life would be able to chose for themselves the one they believe makes them happy.

I have often wondered what it is that draws us to a particular person or persons.  Raised by the same parents, in the same household, under the same core beliefs,  two brothers or sisters will often be drawn to very different types of people.  I don’t believe it is driven by experiences as much as something within us in our individual make up drives our desires.  Raised on the same food in our growing up years I have an ice cream addiction, my sister can walk right past it, go figure.   While we will both tell you Trace Adkins is to die for sexy, that is where our similarities in taste end when it comes to men.  Yes our individual life experiences may influence some of our choices (you won’t catch me dating a fire fighter ever again) over all  I believe we are simply wired differently.   Born with certain desires, or under influence, it really doesn’t matter, our tastes and preferences vary.

Regardless of what your ideal is in a mate, I believe everyone has or should have the right, to chose that partner.  Two consenting adults of sound mind should not be denied the right to be legally wed to one another and have the laws protect that union.  It should not matter if they are of the same  nationality, skin color, or gender.   Yes I did say gender, but before you grab your bible and start preaching at me (I cannot hear  you anyway) or walk away, at least finish this with an open mind.

This weekend two beautiful women I know will be tying the knot, with each other.   While beautiful outside, I mean inside.  I have known one distantly as she grew up in the neighborhood, the other, her partner, for a few years now.  I often suspected that the one from my neighborhood was at the very least bi-sexual.  The other I only recently realized was more than just a best friend to this woman, that there was a reason they were always together and 90% of the photos of them they appear as a couple…because they are!  They are wonderful people that work hard, have big hearts and I think the world of them both.

Now before  I  go further a little background.  I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church, and high tailed it out of there when I turned 18.  I have since attended a variety of Protestant and non-denominational churches over the years,  from charismatic to reformed Baptist.  Each has their own interpretation of the Bible and their own core beliefs and  not surprisingly a portion of those matters of faith are in strong opposition to each other.  One thing they all have in common is that they think they are correct in their  beliefs and everyone that doesn’t adhere to them is wrong.  I am,  for the record,  a firm believer in the Bible.  I won’t  argue  scripture with someone that doesn’t adhere to that one common thread, that it is in fact God’s  Word.  If you don’t happen to believe that it is in fact from God  then what is the point of discussion? The Bible was written TO THE CHURCH, the early believers of what it contains.  The laws, rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call  those scriptures are NOT written to mankind as a whole, it is for the church, those who believe and are bound by those beliefs.  I really wish those of faith would stop trying to enforce biblical principals  on those that do not believe what is written within it’s pages.  LOOK at the writings especially of the New Testament and you will see that it isn’t addressing the world, it is addressing those that follow Jesus Christ.   I happen to be a bible believing Christian, and within those pages it tells me to sweep in front of  my own door first.  I have a rather large amount of dirt of  my own to tend too and it will keep me busy until I stand in judgment in the here after.  And if you are reading this,  so do you.  If  someone is curious about my faith I will share it, but I’m not  knocking down your door  or telling you what you have to believe,  I very well may be way off base and when I die discover that I was all  wrong.  In life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that liberty part applies  to what I want to believe as far as God. This wonderful nation was founded on religious freedom, back off and practice  your faith, adhere to it  like you really mean it, if you do, but don’t impose it on anyone else. They have the same liberty as  you and chose to go another direction.  There is a separation of church and state,  it prevents any one faith from becoming the official church of the nation and from the church determining the laws of  this land, which is one of the very reasons our forefathers  left to come  here.  The churches have no place in influencing the laws, the Bible or book of Mormon or Koran, are  all written to  those specific  faiths, not the rest of the world.  Keep them within the your faith and stop trying  to dictate how the rest of us should live according to what your religious documents dictate for YOU.  The line says “we hold that we are all endowed with certain rights,  by  our creator”, it doesn’t say or  imply that one must believe in said creator to partake in those rights.

Back to these two women getting married.  What is sad to me is that, unless something has  changed that I am unaware of, their union will not be recognized by the laws here, and it should  be.  Their house, any future children,  all their ‘marital’ assets, should they ever terminate their union, should be just as protected by laws of divorce as my own.  My understanding is that they will have children, each giving birth to a child via  sperm donation.  Those children will be raised in a very loving home with two parents that will shower them with love and discipline.  BUT if  they would down the  road, like any heterosexual couple, terminate their  bond, those  children are not legally protected to see their  other parent, and that to me is just WRONG.  They should  each be legally parents to any children born of  their  mother’s union (and this applies to gay men  who adopt).  Should they divorce there  should be divorce laws that govern  the custody and visitation exactly as it  is done for ‘straight’ couples.  Religion should not be dictating the laws of marriage, or  personally held religious beliefs,  common sense on the other hand should be.  It is bad enough when a long term relationship ends, the  laws  need to protect both spouses regardless of gender preference.  It is time to afford equal rights to our gay brothers and sisters, who wish  to commit to their life partner in the form of marriage.

I hope the laws change, and soon, that will allow  for same sex unions so that all  people can be protected by law in their pursuit of life,  liberty and happiness, apart from any church’s beliefs outside  of  the individuals own place of worship.  I  am not for special rights, simple all about EQUAL rights for all parties.  Life is too short, and everyone deserves a shot at finding happily ever after, protected and secure, with  the one they love.

To L & L – I wish you both all the happiness in the world, may you truly live happily ever after!!

~ * ~ Neat-O With A Splash Of WTF ~ * ~

Jul22

This is it, my 100th blog post!!!!

I only just realized the other day that I was close to this number and had no idea what this post should be about. My blog doesn’t fit into any one category very well so I just tell folks it is about life, my life, all from my own perspective.  I decided I would just write about me and my life, things that some may or may not know since my blog page began.  Grab a cup of coffee, get comfy and I’ll share some about me.

I was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, and still call it home.  We traveled a lot when I was growing up and if I count I would say we likely have been in 40 of the 50 states.  Most of that travel was in the form of camping, hence now my idea of camping is a hotel.  My family is from the Price Hill area, and we’ve always been on the west side.  We are all living within about 4 square miles of each other and to my knowledge no one has any plans to leave this area.  I am a huge fan of the Cincinnati Bengals, even though I do think they might be the worst team to ever take the field.  Since their inception my dad was a fan and we grew up Bengals fans.  Good thing we are loyal, and tailgating is all about the food because it sure isn’t about the win column!  I always tell Steelers fans the reason we get so excited is because winning is so uncommon here, where as it is old hat for them so not quite as thrilling if you cheer for Pittsburgh.

I’m 47 years old, oldest of 4, both parents are still alive and until about 13 years ago my grandparents were still living and in great shape mentally and physically.  I get along well with my siblings and their spouses, in fact I would say we are a close knit family.  I have 2 adult children, a 20 year old daughter and 26 year old son.  They are my pride and joy, I am one very proud mama.

I prefer dogs over cats, in fact until my birthday 2 months ago I was a cat hater and felt the only good one was a dead one.  Enter Pixel, an adorable little kitten at 4 to 5 weeks old.  Abandoned in a sewer by her mother, only she and 2 of her brothers survived.  Rescued and bottle fed, and weaned WAY too early in  my opinion, she was a little speck of a thing.  The vet warned me that she would either be exceedingly aloof when it came to human attention, or would bond tightly to me.  She has bonded like glue and is very affectionate for a cat.  I love her to pieces despite my allergies to cats and the fact that she sleeps against my face or wrapped around the top of my head.  She has been like a band-aid to my heart, loving her and caring for her has helped in the healing since separating from my husband.

I was happily married for over 22 years, going on 23 in fact.  However seems Prince Charming wasn’t happy with his Princess and has bailed.  Just prior to the 23rd anniversary we will be officially divorced.  I wanted the final day on the 13th of August, figured end it on the same day it started.  That is not to be, sick humored as it is.

Now I live with my mom, sister, and 2 nieces in 2500 square feet of space.  None of us ever liked quad level homes but then we had never seen one SO spread out, this thing is like a palace.  We nick named it the Diva Den or Princess Palace.  The only males permitted are visitors, even our cats are female.   These ladies have been my primary support through  the divorce and I love them to pieces.  How can you go wrong with folks that refer to the ex as “he who shall not be named” or Lord Voldemort.  Not to worry, it is with some affection, they DO still love him but he hurt me very badly and right now they are more concerned with me.

I am a woman of simple tastes.  While I do so enjoy creature comforts, I am very low maintenance and not into much that is expensive.  I used to take issue with descriptions of my astrological sign being materialistic, until I realized that there are lots of material things that I enjoy that are on the less expensive side.   A good example is chocolate, specifically dark chocolate.  There are many very expensive brands, some from over seas, that I have tried.  I frankly enjoy Nestle Toll House chips right out of the bag, or Hershey Special Dark more than any other that has melted in my mouth.  I admit that Esther Price chocolates are divine, but honestly I am just as happy with a Mounds Bar (especially if it is kept cold).

I can get all dolled up in fancy clothes and high heels and look pretty damn good, but honestly I am far more comfortable in jeans and a hoodie with gym shoes.  Well shoes if I must wear them, I hate shoes and only wear them when necessary.  I prefer thick footie socks to shoes and tend to go through a few dozen pair a year.  Fancy lingerie is nice but really it spends so little time on the body before it is in a heap on the floor, just give me some comfy lounge pants and a tank top, I will be MUCH happier!

Sure, who doesn’t like to go out to eat, let someone else do the cooking and clean up.  But I am really not that enthused about fancy places, just give me Chipotle or some Chinese to go, heck even Burger King some days or a really good Gyro and I am very pleased.  5-stars on the establishment really mean NOTHING to me.  Wines are good, but I know next to nothing about them short of I either like them or I don’t.  No matter how old  or how expensive, if I don’t like it I am simply NOT impressed.  I’m a west side resident of Cincinnati, a redneck to the east siders, just give me a cold beer and I will be so happy. Well several cold ones, let’s aim for delighted.  I’m German, with some Hungarian and a splash of Irish mixed in, we love our beer!

Fancy dinner parties or black tie events, sure I can pull those off but please, a tailgate event or food, friends and beer around a fire pit are where I am most happy and most comfortable.  I enjoy the symphony but honestly the Cincinnati Pops in the park, sitting on a blanket munching goodies with friends is more my style.

In many ways I am most unconventional and have a quirky WTF side to me.  I have 3 tattoos with plans for more, I LOVE getting inked.  My nose is pierced on the side, nothing wild just a tiny diamond.   I used to have the nips and south of the border pierced too but the nips kept migrating (my body rejected them) and I had to remove the other for surgery and it closed up.  Yes getting it all done again, and my belly button, are all under consideration.  I use a temporary spray in pink dye for my hair that washes out each day, usually a light coating all over but sometimes just a section, simply because I LIKE it.

I am not much into watching TV,  few shows hold my interest.  Reality shows are a waste of valuable minutes in my life.  Really, plant cameras around the island and dump the 32 or whatever it is people on the island with nothing.   Each day a boat can show up and if anyone gives up get in it and it leaves. Last one standing is the survivor. Now that I might watch.

renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Music I very much enjoy and my taste is varied.  My  mood will dictate if it is current hits, classic rock, classical, country, 80′s hits etc.  I usually have something playing in the background though sometimes I just like silence.

As far as men are concerned, well I love men!  They are the best at keeping your secrets, with the exception of fire fighters who gossip worse than ANY women I’ve ever met.  Just like their fish tales from the lake, when fire fighters repeat the juicy tale it WILL be added too and grow.  Men on the whole, however, are great.  That said, I will not be out seeking King Charming.  Yes, I said KING, I was married to Prince Charming and found out it isn’t all it is cracked up to be after all so raising the bar, the standard is far higher now.  When a princess marries a king she is then Queen, and it will take a king among men to ever convince me to make an exclusive, life time commitment again.  In other words, it is the stuff of fairy tales and it is NOT going to happen.  My heart is now under secure lock and there is NO key.

A funny thing happens when women announce that they are never going to get into a serious, long term relationship again…men come out of the wood work looking at it as some sort of challenge, believing they will be the exception.  I have had a few marriage proposals, believe it or not, and the divorce isn’t even final.  Again, it is simply NOT happening.  The guys that are all about being friends with benefits have tossed their credentials into the pile for consideration and those applications are still being accepted.  Funny, if a woman announces she is in the market to be married you cannot find a male within 100 miles!  Oh and if you happen to be a Browns, Ravens or Steelers fan, don’t bother applying you will be rejected on the spot! *wink*

dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have no idea what the future holds but where I am the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I am going to keep on coasting down the road of life wherever it takes me.  I may pull off now and then to smell the roses and enjoy the view but I have no plans to cease my travel through life anytime soon.  My goal is to live to at least the ripe old age of 100 before I start considering parking the car, so don’t look for me to cut the engine anytime soon!

Wine & Cheese – 6th Serving

Jul21

Every week for Wine & Cheese Wednesday I have decided to devote a blog to whining.  Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.  I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.  I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.  I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile  just a bit more than normal.

6th Glass of Wine

Lurkers Of The Left Lane

We all know who they are…they cruise up the interstates in the far left lane like they own it.  They do the speed limit and not so much as one mile per hour over.  You can flash your headlights, tailgate them, beep your horn, and they are oblivious, never speeding up and never moving over to let you get passed them.  I’m not at all certain where they got their drivers education though I am fairly certain they actually found their drivers license in a plastic  prize capsule in a bubble gum machine or it was the toy prize in a box of Cracker Jack.   Listen up you left lane hogs, that lane is for PASSING others, not for cruising along.  YES I know, the speed limit applies to that lane as well, however it is for the purpose of passing those not willing to even go that fast!  No one died and left you the speed police, get out of the left lane please so I can maneuver around the semi trucks, slow pokes and rubber neckers out there and let me worry about the speeding ticket!

Speed Racer Wannabes

These folks are the opposite of the left lane lurkers, these are those clowns that have a lead foot and think they own the left hand lane and everyone needs to get out of their way.  They far exceed the speed limit flying along the highways, running late to their next appointment or to clock in to work.  While you are trying to pass the vehicles next to you they are on the bumper of your car, flashing their headlights, smacking the steering wheel and calling you everything but your birth name.  They weave back and forth to be sure you see them there in your side view mirrors with their face turning purple and blood pressure dangerously close to the stroke zone.  What they don’t seem to see while they are dancing in the lane like a Shriner in one of those little clown cars, is the large semi next to you on the right, the cement median wall on the left, and the 10 cars in front of you.  I am not certain what it is they expect as no one can go any faster than the vehicle in front of them is going, and few are going to try to force the truck to move by inching closer to it.  The beauty is once they find an opening these idiots zip in and out of traffic, at high rates of speed, only to end up next to you at the traffic light at the end of the exit ramp up the road.  I’m going to probably get shot at one of these days when said brainless wonder looks my way to see me applauding him for getting to the light to sit and wait, ahead of me.

Pass Gasers

Okay gentlemen, and I do use that term loosely, listen up.  It is not socially acceptable to pass gas around others.  There is nothing manly about cutting loose with green clouds out of your anus that could knock a maggot off a rotting road kill carcass.  There is no prize for the loudest, smelliest or longest emission of gas from your bum.  It is impolite and flat out rude and guess what, we females do not find this appealing.  It was cute when you were 2 years old, it is beyond obnoxious as an adult.  Nothing about that nauseous release is going to get you any booty tonight, who the hell in their right mind wants to crawl in the sheets for a horizontal dance with someone that smells like decaying flesh?  Oh and do you think you could avoid crop dusting the soup aisle at the grocery store? Seriously go use the bathroom, buy some Beano or Gas-X or see a doctor.  Don’t give me that line of bull that it is a natural bodily function to release something from the body, so is vomiting but I am thinking you wouldn’t want me to hurl next to you.  Really, learn some manners.

A Serving Of Cheese

Little Miss/Mr. Manners – all 3 servings of cheese are yours! (Okay your parents but you reflect them!)

I make a LOT of calls to customers, call backs to the tune of about 100 a week.  Every once in a while I call and a child answers the phone.  BRAVO to those parents that have taught their children how to properly answer the phone and speak to the caller.

The children that do not get up and run around when out to eat, but rather stay in their seats and say please, thank-you and asked to be excused before heading back to the salad bar, and then politely wait their turn and don’t push ahead of others.

The youngster that sees someone coming behind them as they enter a door and stop to hold it open, and then say “you’re welcome” when thanked.

You little darlings are a credit to your parents and restore my hope for some amount of etiquette in the future generations.

Dessert

Behind every good man, there is a good woman. And behind every good woman, there’s another man looking at her butt.

Post It Note Tuesday – July 20, 2010

Jul20


Welcome to Post It Note Tuesday, a blog Meme started by SUPAH Mommy on her page. All bloggers are welcome to join in the fun, simply click the Post It Note above for more information to create your notes and where to link up to share with those participating.

This week,  once again, my Notes are all  out of context  quotes from things happening in and around the Diva Den. Out of context they easily can be taken totally the wrong way so at the end of the notes I’ll explain what was really happening.

Okay now, minds OUT of the gutter! LOL

The pink post it notes are pieces of a conversation out  on the deck Saturday evening.  The  references were to snacks, what someone thought was a dry chair etc.  The yellow were in reference to corn on the cob.   My niece has  retainers and was trying to slice her corn off the cob but having issues.  My sister was attempting to eat her’s with one hand while  the other daughter held the little corn handle  with her free hand because sis injured her arm and cannot use it.  The green was all about trying to get the rope back through the squirrel that hangs by ropes on our deck, on his little swing.

See how out of context something innocent can come across very naughty!


Meet Me On Monday July19th

Jul19

The concept behind Meet Me On Monday is to get to know the bloggers you follow.  It was started by Never Growing Old on her blog page and any blogger is welcome to participate. Just click the Meet Me On Monday Icon for information.

1. What is your favorite sandwich?

Hands  down, a Chipotle Steak Burrito, with rice, black beans, corn salsa and cheese.  However I  much prefer it in a bowl with chips to scoop it up rather than a fork.  In fact I like it so much that last week I had it for lunch 5 days straight.  I may do it again this week too.





2. What is stashed under your bed/mattress?

Nothing at all…well there may be a stray cat toy from the kitten, as her favorite place to sleep when I am not home is under my bed or my mom’s, but I have nothing under there of my own.

Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. What is your favorite flower?

Lavender roses are my favorite flower, with yellow ones close behind.  Yellow had been my favorite all my life, and unknown to me it was my  mom’s and her mother’s as well.  Then I discovered lavender ones and yellow had  to take a back seat.  I think honestly the best way to display them is  mixed with white ones as it really makes the purple color stand out.



4. What is your favorite magazine?

Honestly I don’t really have a favorite.  I love to read and can find something of interest  in any magazine that is laying around.  Some favorites are National Geographic,  O, People, Cosmopolitan, and Reader’s Digest.  Over all  I just prefer a good book  over a magazine.

Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. How often do you weigh yourself?

Hmm…it is a rather random activity.  Unless my clothes suddenly change in how they fit, either loose or tight, or I am purposely trying to lose weight, I just never bother to get on the scale to see what it says.  How I look makes the  difference to me.  Judging from what my friend, Kim said in the grocery store today (we hadn’t seen in each other in a few months) I must be doing something right because she thought I looked like I had been losing  weight. My clothes are fitting looser so maybe I should get on the scale again?

Sunday Morning Bits & Pieces

Jul18

I think sleeping in seriously has been the greatest blessing this weekend.  It is amazing how much of  a change in perspective I have once I have had a good, solid night of sleep.  Two such slumbers in a row and I’m back in business  with my happy face on.

This weekend has moved along at a leisurely pace, seeming to last forever and that too makes me thankful.  Life in the Princess Palace is fun but so much more enjoyable when there is no  rush on to be going in 5 different directions.  We find our joy in simple things and a lazy afternoons.  We had so much fun yesterday when my daughter came over and  we sat talking in the living room batting a balloon around in the air.  At first it was to entertain the kitten, but then it became a volley balloon game of keeping it from hitting the floor.  It got rather silly and we were all laughing a lot,  which I have found that laughter is indeed great medicine.  I was glad we did  this as it is kind of awkward for me when my daughter comes over.  Life was easier living together as there was no scheduled time we were social, if we both happened to be in the kitchen or crashed  on the couches we talked, laughed and shared.  Now it is a scheduled visit and feels that way, a visitor  in my home that should be entertained.  It feels  very unnatural and that is one of those adjustment things  I’m going through now.  I don’t feel right going off to my room to write or check emails when she is here like I could do when we were under one roof.  Her purpose in being here is to be with me so it changes the dynamics of our relationship completely.

We’ve all been venturing out to the deck,  despite the heat and humidity.  Honestly the 90+ temps are not a big deal, it truly is the sticky air that makes it hard to sit there.  Just the effortless task of occupying a chair will make us sweat bullets out there and that is not pleasant at all.  However the deck is like an extra room in the house and probably everyone’s favorite  gathering place.  It is shaded,  comfy and the woods full of wild life make it  wonderful  but it is much nicer when it is just hot out.  We all wonder  what it will be like come winter when we cannot use our favorite place.  I have a feeling the family room will become the winter  gathering place with a fire burning and crochet  hooks  flying  while we keep warm making things.

My son is due for a visit today  which will be nice.  Haven’t seen him in the past week and  love hearing his stories from work.  He will be here to mostly play World Of Warcraft with my sister and niece which is fine.  He’ll take breaks from the intensity of the game to sit and chat over a beer with me, and hang out for dinner hopefully. Just having him around is a good time no matter what is going on.  Who knows maybe his little sister will wander on back too, as she really enjoys her big brother and also feels  she just doesn’t get to see him enough.

This coming week will be busy as I am hopefully starting a part time job to supplement my current income so I can get things payed down and have more cash flow.  I hate the thought of missing dinner in the Diva Den a few  nights a week but I really get nervous about being able to make my bills and still have a buffer of money  available to feed my indulgences now and then.  Like a new teddy bear.  My teddy bear was bought to give me something to wrap around when ex-oinker was on duty.  It is losing its softness and has a very well loved look about it.  It actually helps with the arthritis in my neck and back by providing support under my arm when I sleep so I need to find a new one.  I haven’t shopped the stuffed animal section of a store in so  long I  don’t even know what is out there.  At one time I had wanted the ex to go with me to Build A Bear and kiss the little heart they stick inside, something for me to keep and treasure if anything happened  to him.  Now…I’d be tossing that bear on the fire  pit come 8/2 so thinking I am glad we didn’t spend the money.  Okay so I’d likely just give it to my daughter but you understand.  And if it weren’t for the physical benefits I’d be getting rid of the current bear yesterday!  Guess I need to go over to Animal Crackers if it is still around and see what I can find.

Well the coffee in my cup has grown cold while I have been busy typing.  Hmm..it is 12:38pm..does that mean more coffee or time for a cold, adult beverage since it IS Sunday, and still summer time and I’m feeling really lazy and content today? Decisions, decisions….

*photo credit: Filomena Scalise/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Random Happy Thoughts

Jul17

Random Happy Thoughts

I think I’ve gotten my latest frustrations out of my system, today calls for random happy thoughts that have rolled through my head today.

  • Sleeping in totally rocks!  Went to bed at midnight and didn’t get up until 10:45am this morning.  I feel MARVELOUS!
  • Grocery shopping is fun when you share the experience with someone.  I enjoyed going shopping with Diva Mom.
  • Nothing beats fresh veggies, especially corn on the cob  purchased from local farmers at road side stands  and picked fresh this morning!
  • Having my daughter over  to spend the afternoon and evening with us, cooking out and wine tonight  in the Diva Den.  I miss living with her and love  getting to spend  time together :)
  • Storms that come blowing in suddenly, packing hail and making the lights flicker are a bit scary.  But the power stayed on so all is good!
  • Caramel Truffle coffee tastes SO good,  I really enjoy flavored coffee!
  • I love this house!  Still kind of adjusting after 2.5 months but it is the coolest place and I love living in it! It is so big and spread out giving us each the needed  solitude but still having each other so nice and close.
  • Grilled hamburgers are SO yummy!  Add folks you love  around your table and they are a feast fit for a king!  Well a bunch of princesses at least.
  • Crisp, clean sheets to  change on the bed, I just love it!
  • Church festivals with warm beer and poker tables, gotta love  ‘em!
  • Puppies and kittens are so fun to watch interacting, especially when they do not know they are not supposed to like each other.
  • Unexpectedly bumping into my youngest brother when dropping off lunch to my dad is a very good  thing (even if he is sweaty and stinks from working outside).
  • A nice deck with the woods as our back drop is so wonderfully relaxing,  heat  and humidity just don’t seem to matter when sitting out there.
  • Texts from old friends,  favorite  drinking buddies! I LOVE YOU GUYS
  • Saturday night  wine at the Diva  Den, always something to look forward too!
  • I LOVE WEEKENDS!!!

Dear Soon-To-Be-Ex (though not soon enough)

Jul16

****Disclaimer – this is very full of raw emotion, and may not sit well with many.  Please do not judge me, I am venting and feel the need to put it all down in words.****


Regarding your uninvited visit to my home last night,

First, the next time you come storming out onto my deck ordering me around, “we need to talk” be forewarned that I very well may get out of my chair and slap you straight out of your shoes.   You lost the right to tell me anything the day you announced you were filing for divorce, and especially the right to tell me what to do, or even what you think I should do.  Feel free to call ahead and ask if we can talk, but be prepared for me to ignore you or tell you to go to hell.  In other words do not expect a warm fuzzy reception to the idea of seeing you or talking to you.

You seemed so perplexed when you asked me why I have such hatred toward you, I guess  you thought I’d be a sobbing mess wanting to work it out like I was the first few weeks after the big announcement?  Perhaps you expected me to send you flowers and candy and be over joyed with my sudden freedom? Perhaps you really do need your head examined because you obviously are off your rails.

I never had the pleasure of being a stay at home mom though it was my dream and you knew that.  You on the other hand were home a good portion of our childrens growing up years while I worked and supported our family.  While many of those years it simply was the logical choice as I had a great paying job and medical insurance and could pull in a larger income than you.  It also would have meant paying for daycare if you worked so it was silly for you not to be home.  Then for many years while you were down and broken from, lets see I think it was about 15 surgeries, I continued to work and provide a roof over our family’s heads.  Throughout those years you were sleep deprived from the pain you were in physically, and a flaming, wrap around grumpy asshole from the pain medications.  They were far from happy years but when we took our vows, “for better or worse, richer or poorer,  in sickness and in health” well silly me I took those quite seriously. It was worse, poorer and sickness all rolled into one big miserable experience, but I loved you and hung in there.

At some point in the midst of that I decided that going to college and getting a degree would help me to pull in a better income so I left the house every day at 6am and didn’t get home until 10pm 4 days a week and sometimes was in class on Saturdays, trying to hold down a full time job and get my education.  While I am busting my ass to improve our situation you are on Adult Friend Finder advertising for a daytime or evening playmate on days when your wife is in class, exchanging very graphic emails and meeting these ladies for lunch in search of a few booty buddies.  Bad form, dear king of the swine, really bad form.  And yet despite that, all uncovered while my mother is fighting breast cancer and my grandmother dies, I like a fool forgave you and tried to get past it all.   Is it really any wonder, under that kind of stress, I went off one night in an angry rage and told you that I wished you like your friend, Tim, that had died and were rotting in hell? Seriously did you not grasp the pain I was in from your betrayal???  But I loved you and figured that we’d hit about as ‘worse’ as it could get.

When your friend, Brian, died fighting a fire, it rocked your foundation AND mine.  My worst fear in this world was losing you in your chosen profession.   It hit a bit close to home and it really messed with my head and I know it messed badly with yours.  I’d hear sirens when you were on duty and sometimes get physically ill from the worry.

Then a few months later I lost my job.  You are picking up the slack, working more hours than ever, and I’m growing very discouraged trying to find a new job.  My stress level is on the ceiling and you wonder why, in a drunk rage I again said something I regretted and always will?

The one good thing in being jobless for 18 months was the amount of time I was able to finally spend with our daughter.  I was at last given some time to be a stay at home mom and bond with my last child, and I treasured those days.

I loved our house, loved everything that was done to improve it.  I often sat and looked around me counting my blessings, having such a neat house, and things like a pool and hot tub.  It isn’t a palace but it was ours, and our home was so my haven.  And I loved you more than you could ever know.  It isn’t news, I told you that even after 22 years I still got butterflies in my stomach when I heard you come home, your touch still felt like electricity to me.  I felt like the luckiest woman in the world to have you, our home and our kids.

Then out of no where you took all of that from me.  I lost you, the single most important person in the world to me,  lost living with my daughter before she finally is on her own with her own home, and lost MY home, my haven, and had to move out.  My future and my dreams of US.  Everything that was dear and priceless to me was taken away from me by you and destroyed, leaving me emotionally and mentally shattered.  And you seriously have to ask me where all this anger and hatred towards you comes from?  It is a fine line between love and hate I hear, and I can relate to that now. The love turns to hate because it is how the heart coats itself from the intense, pure, raw pain that burns deeper than anything I ever could have imagined experiencing.  And seeing you parading around town with your 26yo girlfriend is salt in those open wounds.

That, oh you clueless fool, is why I am so angry and so full of rage toward you.

Five Question Friday

Jul16

YEAH, T.G.I.F.!!!! I love Fridays and one thing I have now come to love about it is Five Question Friday, a blog meme where 5 questions are posed to those participating and we all answer them as a blog entry.  If you have a blog and wish to take part just click the button:

1. Do you collect anything?

No, not really.  As a child I used to collect matchbooks but long ago stopped and don’t even know if any of those are around any longer.  I love lighthouses, and have 3 very cool miniatures but really do not collect them.

2. Name 3 celebrities that you find good looking.

  1. Well for starters country singer, Trace Adkins.  I think he is SO incredibly sexy.  Totally love the bad-boy rebel thing he has going on.
  2. Kiefer Sutherland, I will miss ’24′ because he just made the show, he is also very sexy and totally hot in my opinion.
  3. Political affiliations aside, and not sure she counts as a celebrity, but I think 1st lady Michelle Obama is strikingly attractive both in looks and personality.

3. Do you have any scars? If so, what’s the story behind it (them?)?

Yes, I have a tummy tuck scar and scars from breast implants.   Having kids totally wrecked me, in my opinion, and no amount of crunches in the world puts sagging skin back once it has been stretched out that badly.  All the the work in the world won’t perk up breasts either, once they have stretched so I went and had some nip and tuck done and I love the way I look now.

4. What is a food that you like to eat, but others might think it’s gross or weird?

Liver and onions!  I love liver and onions and that grosses many out.  I love chicken hearts too.  However that being said I cannot bring my self to eat liver anymore after realizing the liver’s function in the body, just cannot get past that any longer.

5. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life?

YES! In April of 1974 I got to watch a tornado form, touch down and begin to take out areas of the west side of Cincinnati (it actually formed in northern Kentucky).  My dad took  incredible photos and we watched it for several minutes before my mom ushered us all into the basement.  That and seeing the aftermath likely contribute a good deal to my intense fear of storms.

Hair & Boobs, Brain & Heart

Jul15

Dolly Parton is one of my favorite women, she is cute, funny, and so down to earth.  Recently she tweeted the following on her Twitter account:

“I hope people realize that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs.”

That got me thinking about what people see when they look at me lately.  What is it they think they know about me from what they see on my Facebook, Twitter, and blogs?  Do they just see the outside shell or can they SEE below the surface?

I know many probably think my mental choo-choo has totally derailed of late, especially my kids, and I guess I cannot blame them.  Their mother, who used to be a bible thumping, long jumper wearing, involved up to her eyeballs church lady,  is running around with a butch looking hair style and dying her bangs pink at 47 years old.  They watched their parents go from chairman of the deacon board and teaching youth in a Reformed Baptist church to riding a Harley and hanging out with their ‘new’ friends at clubs.  And then, when their mom and dad’s marriage appeared to be better than it ever was, their dad suddenly wanted a divorce, wasn’t willing to try to work things out,  leaving their mother’s heart shattered into tiny fragments while dear old dad is ‘just friends’ with a woman young enough to be his daughter that happens to be divorcing herself.

On The Surface

My boobs..yes they are um, well large now.  I come from a line of women that have some booty on them (read big butts).  The boobie fairy skipped over us but the bun fairy blessed us in abundance.  Maybe she was feeling bad that her winged sister bypassed us so she waved her magic wand over us all twice (seriously, stop trying to do us favors and just send our fairy godmothers as those wenches haven’t been seen anywhere in a very long time).  Along with the boobs I had a tummy tuck, as having kids had made a mess of my abdomen.  It was something I did, for me, that I am very pleased with and now my top half balances the bottom half.

My head is covered in blond hair with a spray of bright pink in it.  The ex hubby disliked the spikey hair do and could not stand the pink in the bangs so I only did the dye one time while married. My daughter is not overly fond of the color either, and my son…well I think he just accepts his mother will never be ‘normal’ but she has fun and he sees enough pain and stupidity in the world through his job so he figures I am harmless.

Looking Beneath The Surface

Under the highlights and the pink there is a brain.  I’m blond naturally but I am NOT stupid.  In fact I am pretty damn smart.  I held a 4.0 gpa for 2 years of night college, and when I left had a 3.75, so I am far from dumb.  I am wise enough not to get suckered into ocean front property in the desert, and not naive enough to fall for “just friends” when the friend’s car is hidden in our garage so no one knows she is there.  As the saying goes, believing bullshit doesn’t make it true.  While I may not always make the wisest of decisions, it isn’t due to a lack of gray matter in my head. You can keep telling me it is night time a million different ways, but if the sun is shining brightly (and we don’t live in Alaska), I’m not buying it.  Yes, I am a bit confused lately and no doubt I am acting like it, but my world got turned up on end 6 months ago and I don’t have it all quite back in line yet so deal with it.

Don’t let the big boobs fool you either, underneath the silicone twins is a heart.  That heart is loyal to a fault when it loves someone.  It is big enough to care for a whole lot of people and is learning to love the person in mirror for who she is and not who others think she should be.  Right now that heart that was shattered is in more pieces than you could count and it is a pain beyond words.  Suffice to say there are times still that it just flat out hurts to breathe and I wonder if there will ever come a day when I will be able to get the pieces glued back together into something that remotely resembles what it was before it was dropped.  Meanwhile, sometimes those splintered remains override the brain’s attempts to think rationally and I have a melt down.  I think after 22 years of loving someone with every fiber of my being, no matter how imperfectly by their standards, I am entitled to those moments of temporary insanity.

Most of the time I am level headed, and over all I am happy and enjoying life.  But it takes longer than 6 months to get over a lost love that lasted 22 years, and a broken heart that still deeply loves the person that broke it.  So dear son, daughter, and friends, when you see the crazy hair and the lapses of reason, crazy venting text messages, keep in mind that beneath it all there is a brain and a heart just trying to sort through the debris and don’t judge me too harshly.

Wine & Cheese – 5th Serving

Jul14

Every week for Wine & Cheese Wednesday I have decided to devote a blog to whining.  Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.  I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.  I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.  I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile  just a bit more than normal.

5th Glass of Wine

Between The Lines Lame Brains

Parking lots  are one of those places I can find a lot to whine about it would seem.  Take the simple task of parking ones car.  Nice lines are painted throughout the lot designating parking spaces.  The objective is to pull your car in between the lines of a parking space.  Let me go slower for those that have difficulty grasping this concept.  Pull into the parking space, so that your car sits IN BETWEEN THE LINES.  One space per car, so two lines is the goal.  No parking over the top of a line so that now you have 3  lines to yourself, that is a no no!  If that  confuses you ask any 2 year old child, they grasp the no no thing.  Like many who park over the lines in the lot, they pay attention about as well but then they are 2 and if you are driving you are at least 16 years old so this shouldn’t be too complex.  Should you come across someone who has failed to get their car between the lines, simply flatten 2 of their tires as no one carries more than one spare park in the first completely available spot closest to the offender and leave a really nasty note on their windshield resist the temptation to park as they did, over the lines.  This throws the entire system off balance and upsets those  of us who DO  park in one space.

Phantom Poopers

These offenders of our parks, as mentioned in a previous edition of Wine & Cheese Wednesday, are lurking about our neighborhoods!  Disguised as friendly neighbors they commit a  terrible offense against their unsuspecting nearby residents!  Under the cover of darkness, either very early before sunrise, or just after the sun has set, they walk their doggies allowing their  little canine companions to poop in YOUR yard!  These rude,  doo-doo brained pooch owners don’t want to clean up their own lawns,  so they slip around like thieves in the night, crapping their mutts on others prized grasses.  Some are very bold, strolling along in broad daylight while Fifi squats and drops by your perennials then eases  on down the road like it never happened.  Then along comes your snotty nosed kid precious little angel and he or she steps square  in the deposit and tracks it through your house!   OH if only we could catch these phantoms and then we could relocate their puppy’s  calling cards to their own front porch square in front of their door!  Be a good neighbor and pick up after  your four-legged  furry kids,  please!

Express Brain Deficiencies

Grocery stores have done many things to make our shopping experience more enjoyable and efficient.  One of the best things since sliced bread is the express lane. The whole idea behind this lane is to get folks with SMALL (key word there) orders through the check out faster.  The express lane is clearly marked and most allow for 10 to 15 items OR LESS (note that does not say MORE).  Inevitably there is someone who failed kindergarten mathematics that will ease on into the express  lane with their cart that clearly has far more in it than 10 or 15 items.  Perhaps they are confused and think that if you have 4 loaves of bread and 6 packages of buns, that this is  ONE bread unit (all  of them are in the bread family) as opposed to 10 individual items.  This same person thinks 3 packages of chicken and 4  individually wrapped pounds of ground beef are ONE meat unit rather than 7 items.  One unit of breakfast food  consists of 5 boxes of cereal, 2 – 1 dozen cartons of eggs and 3 packages of goetta.   I cannot fathom such ignorance can see how they arrived at the register thinking they had 3 items (bread, meat and breakfast) and not 27 individual items.  They are  rude jackasses misunderstanding how this all adds up.  Perhaps they could ask any preschool  scholar in the store to count up their cart load for them next time they are not certain if they qualify for the express lane?

A Serving Of Cheese

Sanitation Workers

Trash man, garbage men, or the more politically correct  term of sanitation worker, doesn’t matter what you call them, without them we’d be tail deep in nasty, smelling trash.  Theirs is a most unpleasant occupation and we often take them for granted.  But tomorrow morning they will come and take away all that we have sitting out at the curb.  You men and women are awesome and I very much thank you!

My Hair Stylist

Debbie just rocks my world!  She  knows me  like  no one else.  She should be a shrink…no wait  she is better than a shrink.  In a short period of time every few weeks she  is a friendly ear that knows  more about me than my next door neighbor.  Not only is she a caring person that is one of my greatest cheer leaders she also is a hair artist!  She makes my hair look fantastic and patiently tolerates my ‘growing out’ periods that she knows are not going to last before she is hitting my locks and taking me back to a short hair style again.  I just love that woman!

Beautiful Sunrises

Nothing is quite as beautiful as the colors of nature.  Flowers, really blue skies and sunrises with bright orange and pink clouds.  Go it one better and see the sun seemingly rise out of the ocean.  God or chance, whatever your view, nothing compares to the colors of the world that are not man made, but created by the natural world around us.

Dessert

Airplane: a vehicle the Wright brothers invented immediately after driving cross-country with family. ~ Tweeted by Daffynitions and retweeted by FunnyOneLiners

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Jul13

randomtuesday

This Blog Meme is sponsored by The Un Mom

Random Thoughts In Marvelous Martha’s Head Today

  • I really wish the ladies room was closer to my office, I hate walking so far away.
  • Why is it the damn phone will sit there silently until I am half way out of the door headed for the ladies room or coffee and THEN it rings?
  • I really think self sticking stamps and envelopes are the shit!
  • Skanky ho blond – thinking that is how heavily highlighted I want my hair today when I leave my stylist, I want the spray in pink dye to really stand out and be noticed.
  • Hmm..that guy on MySpace is cute, too bad he is a firefighter – DELETE – 3rd time may be a charm but I’m so done with men from that profession!
  • Wondering what the boss would say if I drew pictures all over the production board (it’s a whiteboard)?
  • I really feel bad taking Pixel kitten to the vet, she was freaked out and literally wrapped her front paws and legs around my neck. Poor baby is going to hate hate hate me next week when she goes for surgery. Spay and front de-claw and away from me for 2 nights *sad face*.   Getting a micro chip too so if she were to ever get out hopefully someone can find me and return her.
  • E-Harmony is a pain in the ass, I stopped at 85% complete on the survey.  I’m pretty certain at that point they already knew what toothpaste I use and what brand of toilet tissue.  I don’t need to go through that much information about myself, I am looking for fun, not a commitment.
  • I could use a cup of coffee right now.  I think the folks that run the lounge here and provide the free coffee need to learn about the mid-afternoon sleepies and stop locking up so early, WE NEED CAFFEINE DAMN IT!
  • Lovely, raining again. That means that traffic will suck so I will barely get to my hair appointment on time.
  • I have no idea how or why, but the Oscar Meyer Wiener song is stuck in my head today.  Seriously why would anyone WANT to be a wiener?? Being chewed up and swallowed doesn’t sound so pleasant to me!
  • Men in the midst of a midlife crisis dump their wives for women young enough to be their daughters, buy sports cars or Harleys and cover their gray among other things.  Exactly what is it us women are supposed to do?  Marry for money and hire a cute pool boy and play Mrs. Robinson?  Seriously, what DO we middle aged chicks do, cause I’m not about to sit around feeling sorry for myself! If the best revenge is living well, then I have some creative revenge living to do!
  • OMG is it 5 o’clock yet?  If I wasn’t heading out to do some radical ME pampering this day would fly by, but hell no it is C-R-A-W-L-I-N-G by!