CONFESSIONS OF: An Imperfect, On The Fence Author

Hot cup of fresh coffee on the wooden table and stack of books tThis whole business of writing books is tough.  But not  because of the writer’s block issues, as I am not having any trouble in that area.  No, my problem is in just how much do I write?

Example, the non-fiction book about how I went from being a Deacon’s wife and youth leader, to swinger wife and naughty photo shoot queen, and back to a good girl who still listens to P!NK when she is frustrated but loves KLOVE as well.  The story is multi-layered and there are so many things no one knows about but are key to the whole tale.  But how much is too much?  My publisher wants it bad, just leave out the steamy details and that is fine with me.  Just not sure how out there I really want to be about myself.

The fiction books create another problem.  How do you get back on the path I’m on, yet justify writing seriously steamy sexual scenes in a novel?  Or can I even go there?  I struggle with where the line might fall, and often hear in my head the voice of a past elder and dear friend saying, “don’t ask what is wrong with it, ask what is right about it”.  And at this moment, right is the money.  I need the money that I know I can make from self publishing novels.  I’ve read some of those that recently were published by another fiction/erotica author and frankly I don’t know what the big deal is that sells so many of her books because I, for one, was totally unimpressed.  Not much substance there, and characters are doing the sheet mambo every 2 pages.  Being a female, and one who has read MANY such books in her lifetime as well as the steamy romance novels, well her books are crap.  Not well written yet sell like hotcakes.  No doubt the not-a-supermodel main character helps, because none of us can really relate to those kind of women, but surely folks want a good story too?

And that of course was another area in which I wrestled, developing characters who are more realistic, or men hung like racing horses who look like gods.  Yes, those books are an escape to a make believe world for a while, but honestly I like my fantasy world to at least line up with reality on some level.  It’s why I don’t write about paranormal, neck biting, blood sucking hunks, vampires are not real.  We all would like to think we might actually meet that one guy from the books saucy pages.  My ideal guy has never been the pretty boys.  I like my men just a little rough around the edges, the bad boy rebel types with hearts of gold.  They tend to favor Trace Adkins more than Johnny Depp in looks and I’ve never been into the muscle bound gym rats.  Yes some muscle is good, but I don’t mind a little in the  middle either, a guy who eats and likes his steak, potato and a cold beer over tofu.  So my main male characters will be far from the Ambercrombie shopping bag model in his underwear.

I knew it would not be an easy journey to get a book written, but this isn’t where I thought the issues would arise.  Hopefully it won’t be long before I hit ‘publish’ on the first novel and find out if what so many others tell me is true, that I am halfway decent when it comes to writing.


Tuesday Coffee Chat – Names

It is Tuesday, Coffee Chat day.  If you blog you can click the coffee cup and link up with us over on Rory Bore’s site, or read what the others in the group have to say.

Today’s chat topic:  What does your name mean? If you use an alias, tell why you choose that particular moniker.

Okay we’ll just get the technical jumbo out of the way from

Martha meaning and name origin

Martha \m(a)-rtha, mar-tha\ as a girl’s name is pronounced MAR-tha. It is of Aramaic origin, and the meaning of Martha is “lady; mistress of the house“. Biblical: the sister of Mary and Lazarus. She is patron saint of the helping professions. The name was revived by and popular with the Puritans. Lifestyle maven Martha Stewart; First Lady Martha Washington; dancer Martha Graham; Martha “Calamity” Jane Burke; actress Martha Plimpton.

Martha has 33 variant forms: Maarva, Marfa, Marhta, Mariet, Marit, Mart, Marta, Marte, Martella, Martelle, Marth, Marthe, Marthena, Marthine, Marthini, Marthy, Marti, Martie, Martina, Martita, Martje, Martta, Marty, Martynne, Martyne, Marva, Mata, Matha, Matti, Mattie, Mirtha, Pat and Pattie.

While we’re at it, Urban Dictionary defines Martha as:

(noun)a term used to describe a girl who’s a genuine badass; a successful independent woman who doesn’t take crap from no one and is well respected by everyone; everyone she meets loves her and just flat out envies how bad-ass she is; may be used in adj. form

a beautiful girl that is often mistaken for being quiet but is definitely not.

-meaning: one who is beautiful, inside and out.

-of the roman decent

And for shits and giggles:

A woman with obvious sex appeal, class, and intelligence who turns heads when she walks into a room.

I was named for my mom, and her mother, Martha.  With varying middle names.  But Marti is what we were called.  Mom was, I am and that is how it goes.

I like my name, both Martha and Marti.  But Martha has a very emotional connection to my grandfather so you have to earn the right to call me that and so far, no man ever has since his death.  Marti is the name I have had since birth and so that is what I use. I do have a pen name that I will be using to write my books under but that one doesn’t get shared.  Sorry.  I have bought the URLs for the pen name so that I have them when ready to publish the books.  I will of course let my readers know at that time, but until then, I am not ready to share.




Monday Memos – OOPS My Bad

Monday MemosDear Self,

Perhaps you need to take a deep breath in and RELAX!  You obviously lost your sense of humor gene somewhere.  He was kidding, but you know on texts it IS hard to tell.  But it’s all okay now and gosh he really DOES seem like a nice guy.  Time will tell.  Meanwhile, ease up on the poor guy and calm down some.

Really girlfriend, what would make you even give someone the time of day who was critical of everything you like?

  • Your community
  • Your hobbies
  • Your favorite TV shows
  • Your job preferences
  • Your nickname
  • Your faith
  • Your faith practices like tithing & abstaining from sex outside of marriage
  • Your sleeping habits
  • Pretty much everything about you they learned.

Were you really shocked that someone like that would tell you that THEIR goal for you was to shed 35 pounds and be bikini ready 7 months from now? Oh and change your hair back to blond.

If said person, we shall refer to this one as The Badge,  was really intrigued with you, as stated, then they would not wish to change anything, but rather would be drawn to know more about you, what makes you tick, who you are, but not try to change you.  Then they aren’t intrigued, they are controlling, manipulative assholes and you don’t need another one of those in your life. Ever. Again.


1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate

That doesn’t say anything about you being a menu that has substitutions available or made to order Barbie Doll.

And to think I thought firefighters born under the sign of Aquarius were the worst of the swine.

THIS is why I don’t date anymore.


Your Inner Goddess


Dear Self,

Excellent choice of therapy, going and watching the planes land for a bit, then a ride on the ferry.  The Happy Meal was pretty cool too.  Next time stop and buy bubbles and we can go talk to Fred while we blow bubbles in the cemetery.


Your Inner Child


Dear Self,

You’re still f*cking perfect, you just need to take a step back from the edge of the cliff.  Sir Lancelot used to tell you that often, he is right.  Hey, Badge, I’m sorry, and glad we talked it all out Tuesday night into the wee hours of Wednesday morning.  Duct tape to the mouth and hands probably would be a good idea.  NO not for that!  Mind out of gutter!  It’s to keep me from running my mouth until I get the whole story, and to tape my hands to the desk so I don’t go off on the keyboard for at least 24 hours.  Told you that you were in for a wild ride.

Remember, there have been some good guys among the dirt bags.  Super Hero told you not to lose weight, he liked your curves and didn’t want a stick.  He liked you just the way you were.  Teddy Bear as well, thinks you are pretty special.  The Biker went as far as to call your curvy self exquisite.  There are others out there who would love you just as you are and it is definitely The Badge’s loss. So don’t let your self esteem take a hit over this, remove the negativity from your social media and move on.  You’re f*cking perfect, don’t forget it.


Your Inner Amazing, Marvelous Self


Dear Badge,

Take a hike, you are not even close to worthy of me across the river, let’s have a beer.  :)


The Marvelous One


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Ebola, A Nurse’s Perspective

Marvi Marti:

I think everyone should read this!!!

Originally posted on dtolar:

So a few months ago the country was enthralled with the idea of a few patients, infected with the Ebola virus, coming to the United States. Up until this point, we had been safe from Ebola due to the fact that bats can’t fly over the Atlantic. Some people were completely indifferent, while others had seen Outbreak one too many times. Most were a healthy mix, somewhere in between, but what bothered me the most was both the lack of education and the poor information that was spreading more virulently than the virus could ever hope to.

First, I want to stress that I am a nurse, not a virologist, and hopefully throughout my post you will see that I am not pretending to be one. I have a Bachelor’s in Nursing and am currently a graduate student. I have worked extensively with Infectious Disease Specialists. I have been exposed…

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Wine & Cheese ~ 89th Serving

wineandcheese2Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal. If you’d like to read the past editions of Wine & Cheese just click HERE for all of the past postings. Sit back and join me now for the 89th serving of some whine and cheese!

 ~*~ ~*~ ~*~


:(  It is one dreary week here in the greater Cincinnati area.  Rain, more rain, grey skies, more rain.  It is hard to keep a positive attitude and remain upbeat when all one wants to do is SLEEP.

:(  Sleep is just what I did too, yesterday.  I had given blood earlier in the afternoon and while sitting at my desk working on my book I got SO sleepy.  I thought, “just lay down for a few minutes” and woke up nearly 3 hours later!  I was out so hard I missed my weekly call from my business coach.  :(

:(  My oatmeal is cold.  SIGH…I should have focused on eating it faster I suppose.



:)  I love living here in the Diva Den.  We have, as I have said before, more fun than the law allows.  Last night while getting ready to watch NCIS (which means mom makes popcorn and we all grab a beverage and hit the couches in front of the big screen), my niece came down to find her mom and sang “mama” and I responded, “just killed a man” and off we went through the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.  Each of us would sing a line and some together.  We live in a musical sometimes and it’s so fun!

:)  Saturday evening my brother invited us to come over for Sunday breakfast.  Usually I am a stickler about nothing interfering with church, but family time is so rare and important to me that I decided to go.  I am SO glad I did!  My 9yo nieces (3 of them) had set the table (my sister-in-law is teaching them all about where things go on the table, which fork to use etc) and made menus.  They were our servers.  My brother and his wife cooked, and it was awesome!  Omelets and pancakes, sausage, egg sandwiches and blueberry muffins.  We all enjoyed it very much.  Very sweet memories made that day.

:)  The plus of donating blood the other day was the awesome Bengal’s jersey that they gave every donor.  I love it.  That and the guy who was my phlebotomist did such a great job I didn’t bruise this time, and he got me on the first try.  I have a tendon in both arms that sits snug against the vein they like to use, and my veins like to roll a bit they tell me.  But he was good, and I am very grateful.  I have a blood type that is somewhat rare, only 9% of the population has it, so I get called often.  I don’t mind, it’s the least I can do to give back.

:)  I am SO excited about an upcoming event I want to do at church, GONOLA!  Our church encourages us to GO as a church and make a difference.  They are doing another trip to New Orleans to help with the ongoing rebuilding there from hurricane Katrina.  Who knew they still have SO many homes to rebuild.  Next summer, in July (yep hottest days of the year there) we will get on a bus, up to 200 of us, and go down and build homes, do VBS with local kids, clean up blighted properties, all in humidity at 100% and extreme heat.  I cannot wait!  We get some down time to see and experience the city.  I cannot wait to start raising my support for this trip, it will be wonderful to go there and get my hands dirty and work hard to help someone else.




Tuesday Coffee Chat – Most Beautiful Word

It’s Tuesday, which means it is time to chat over our coffee.  But I understand that not everyone drinks coffee, we can’t all be perfect.  So feel free to grab your tea, soda, water, wine, whatever works for you.

Today the chat question is:  What is the most beautiful word in the world?

Now that is a tough one because words are amazing and I am not certain I have just one I think is most beautiful.  But there are some that stand out above the others.  So, for the chat sake, I will go with:  Nana 

Yep it is currently my favorite, probably because I am now into that chapter of life.  I LOVE my grandchildren.  I have 4 now, 2 that carry my blood, but all 4 carry my heart.  To me the 2 that don’t carry my blood are just as much mine as if they did, I don’t care for the term ‘step-grandchild’, to me they are all my grandbabies.   They are my joy, no doubt.

This is partially because in order to be a grandmother, you first are a mother.  Being a mom was an incredible experience, so it stands to reason that when your children start having their own, it is just that much better.

My grandkids have multiple grandmothers and we all go by some name, Nana, Mawmaw, Grammie, Grandma etc, but no matter which form of it you use, right now, Nana is the best word ever to me!

Oh, and of  course their nicknames I gave them, SnuggleSlugger, SnuggleBerry, SnuggleBug and SnuggleBean.

But I Don’t Wear Makeup

Originally posted on Be Marvelous With Marti:

As a representative for Avon, one of the things I hear from women when I approach them about purchasing Avon is, “I don’t wear makeup”.  There are many women who do not wear cosmetics for various reasons, some are simply fortunate to have gorgeous skin that needs no help.  But women who do not wear makeup need a good skin care regimen to protect that beautiful skin.

Most cosmetics today feature an SPF to protect from the harmful rays of the sun, as well as moisturizers to keep skin hydrated.  Good cosmetics are even treating the skin with the same things that you find in good skin care products.

avonanewvitalAlways remove any makeup and wash your face in the evening, followed by a good moisturizer.  Never use soap, but rather a good cleanser specifically for washing the skin on your face.  Each morning you should again cleanse the face and…

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You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

YCMTUTWhen you live in a house of all women, and a great conversation is in progress (as if there is anything but a great conversation when it’s all women), it might happen that someone has to use the bathroom.  Since you cannot pause real life, and being all females, one might wander into the bathroom and leave the door ajar so they can still hear and participate from the commode.  And that is precisely what occurred one evening this past week.  While in mid topic my sister suddenly screams, from her seat on the toilet, “aaahhhh come kill it!”.  I assume it is a spider as that is typically what gets a good scream around here.  No, it is the world’s largest mosquito flying around, and she didn’t want to have an itchy spot on her bum I suppose.  I go in and try to smack it down, it lands on her and she brushes it to the floor, and I stomp that little buzzard into a squish.  As I leave the bathroom she alerts me that said bug cadaver is stuck to my shoe, and his little wings are seen.  I turned, put my foot up and told her to wipe it off, while trying hard to keep my balance.  It took a few attempts because I am not steady on one foot.  Mind you the entire time the 4 person conversation continued with this insanity going on to the side.  Never dull and boring around here!

Another evening this week I went up to my room to go to sleep.  I had already turned down the bed and had my pillows all fluffed and ready to go so that I could just make my way to dreamland.  I always have the pillows with the cases open side toward the middle.  I have a lot of pillows on the bed too.  When I grabbed the edge of one to pull it off the bed it didn’t budge at all.  I tried again, and trust me I was confused because it is a nice, light weight pillow but it was stuck firmly to the bed.  Of course because it is a pillow I wasn’t putting any muscle into it.  I could not pull it with one hand and when I lifted it the darn thing was heavy.  Turns out a 14 pound cat, Ditzy, had crawled inside the pillow case and was sleeping, so it weighed the pillow down.

After being at a craft show all day yesterday with my mom, we arrived home to discover that OMG WE HAVE A DEFCON 1 SITUATION THERE IS NO COFFEE!!!  No coffee in this house is a crisis.  We bleed coffee if you cut one of us.  The last thing we wanted to do was make a grocery run but we cannot have this so off we went, exhausted but determined to make the world right again.  We also figured, since we were headed there, we should get some wine and a few other things.  It wasn’t a big run so we selected one of the smaller carts.  Don’t you know, it was the one with the bad wheel.  You know the kind, the wheel spins at will, and makes a constant “ricketyricketyrickety” sound as it rolls, loudly.  We kept the cart deciding it was just special, as we are special, and we made our way all around the store.  We got the wine, bread, soup and headed to check out, almost forgetting the coffee, which was the original reason we went in the first place.  While self-checking out I happened to notice of the 6 items in our cart, 3 were alcohol.  Not sure if coffee and 3 types of wine is a good thing or a bad thing, when the only other items are a loaf of bread and can of soup.  I know, we should have had chocolate in there and that would have been fine then.  Next time we toss in a bag of candy bars to balance things, the small fun size ones, because there are not calories, right?



Tuesday Coffee Chat


Rory over at Time Out For Mom is the Tuesday Coffee Chat hostess, and today her question was:  If you were over for coffee, what snack should I provide for you: Salty or Sweet?

First, I want to say I’d be one very honored individual to have the opportunity to drink coffee with Rory.  I follow her blog and enjoy her writing.  And we share a love for coffee and wine, it’s like we are connected or something.

I love both salty and sweet.  I usually follow salty (or spicy) foods with something sweet because I crave sweet right behind the salty.

When sipping wine, I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate.  Sometimes, if in the mood for salty, popcorn with the wine.  But I love popcorn with beer..and coffee, and diet soda.  Heck even with ice water.

A favorite fall snack is candy corn and dry roasted peanuts mixed together.  Because sometimes sweet and salty together rock.

Bottom line, either is good, especially with coffee.  Coffee is always the foundation for me.  :)